Friday, December 21, 2012

Nadin knows Mayan calendars

Well, it's December 21st. And we're still here. So far. But the day is not over yet. Should we be worried?

Whenever there is a subject about which we are not sure, we know there is one place we can turn where we can find out the answers. And that is, to the World's Foremost Authority, the reigning DUmmie Of The Year . . . yes, Know-it-all Nadin Brzezinski. Nadin knows Mayan calendars. Heck, what is there that she DOESN'T know?

The DUmmies, amid all their threads about gun control and the fiscal cliff, have spent some time noting TEOTWAWKI, which is supposed to happen sometime today on December 21st. And of course most of them are having a little fun with it. But guess who will come along and take the occasion to LECTURE the DUmmies in a serious manner about all things Mayan? You guessed it, Miss Condescension herself. We'll start with her guest appearance in this THREAD, "Can We Please Get Over the End of the Mayan Calendar?" and then go on to her own THREAD, "For those actually interested in what the Maya. . . ."

So let us now see Nadin get the DUmmies up to speed on Mayan culture, in Bolshevik Red Inca, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--predicting that, if this year does make it to the end, Nadin will at least be one of the top two for DUmmie Of The Year and quite possibly a repeat DOTY winner--is in the [brackets]:

Can We Please Get Over the End of the Mayan Calendar? Okay, so the last Mayan Long Count calendar to have been been created ends on 12/21/12. This portends the apocalypse how?

[It portends Know-it-all Nadin weighing in on the subject, which will make you WISH it were the end of the world.]

Since there are really no Mayan clergy or scientists to speak of any longer. . . .

[Oh, just wait! A bona fide EXPERT on all things Mayan may just show up!]

Is there anyone here that seriously believes anything will happen?

[Yes. I predict a condescending lecture on Mayan culture.]

I have problems with a culture that never used wheels. And yet we're supposed to trust them on knowledge of future events?

[Who are you, DUmmie Canuckistanian, to belittle the Mayans? The reason they didn't use wheels is because they knew that would lead to cars, which would lead to Global Warming, which would lead to The End Of The World. Such was the wisdom of the Mayan Elders.]

Alas they did use wheels . . .

[Oh oh. This sounds like someone who knows what they're talking about. Could it be. . . ?]

. . . in toys.

[The Mayans had Hot Wheels?]

There is a good reason why not full fledge full sized ones were not used.

[Hey, everybody, look! It's Nadin Brzezinski, showing up to set us straight on all things Mayan! Aren't we the lucky ones? Please enlighten us, Nadin. Why did the Mayans not use full fledge full sized wheels?]

Draft animals did not exist until Columbus made that astounding navigational error, and was followed by others in search of Gold. So having a wheel, regardless of the mechanical advantage, on a cart, made zero sense.

[Ah, sheesh! So simple! Why didn't I think of that? I know why: Because I'm not Nadin! Please go on, O All-knowing One . . .]

For example, the Aztec Emperors had fresh fish from the Gulf of Mexico often. That fish was taken in the morning and arrived to Tenochtitlan in the afternoon. They used runners, who ran 20 kilometer or so legs, and it took a day to get it. Try that, given the inclination to get over the Sierra, with pulled on carts with humans, it would have been much slower.

[OK, we believe you! I'll take your word for it. I'm sure, Nadin, you HAVE tried taking fish over the mountains on wheeled carts, just to show how silly that would have been!]

Oh and the Observatory (so named since it's form is very similar to a modern day one and function was the same), near Merida should tell you that yes, they knew about the wheel.

[Well, DUh, why didn't we think of that? The Observatory near Merida. Of course!]

Oh and did I mention they had a far more advanced calendar than what we use even today for our civil calendar?

[No, I don't think you did, Nadin. We're only a few sentences into your post, and I'll go back and review it, but I do not think you have yet mentioned that salient fact.]

The Maya calendar does take into account silly sh*t like the fact that the day is NOT 24 hour hours long.

[Absolutely. The Mayan Elders knew that the day is actually 24 BUSINESS hours long. There is an inscription at Machu Pittchu that makes this plain.]

At the height in the Classic period they were probably the most advanced culture in the world. Now did they have their problems? Like all other cultures yes.

[Well, yes. Little things, really. Oh, I suppose some might say the whole human sacrifice thing was a bit over the top. But anyone can nitpick.]


but the same priests were involved in some pretty advanced astronomy. Oh and natural medicine and herbology... some medical remedies used by the Maya and Aztec are now currently under research.  The active components are actually like for real.

[Currently under research at the Maya Clinic.]

[And now ANOTHER DUmmie shows up to BACK UP Nadin and to school that ignorant fool DUmmie Canuckistanian, who said that since the Mayans didn't have wheels they didn't know what they were talking about. Take it away, DUmmie a la izquierda . . .]

You need a little education. As Nadin suggests below, most indigenous peoples in the Americans used wheels for something. But why on earth would they need wheels when: a) they had no beasts of burden; b) lived in places not conducive to wheel use without said beasts of burden.

[YOU try taking fish over the mountains on wheels! That'll cure you of your wheel madness! And also, what about those poor oppressed beasts of burden?? The wheel would be their consignment to slavery! And so it was a Mayan organization, PETBB, that banned the sale of wheels.]

Yet they were expert astronomers, used advanced medicine, and built gigantic stone monuments without the wheel. What a culturally insensitive and sh*tty thing to say.

[You Mayaphobe you!]

And by the way, the Mayans DON'T predict the end of the world. That's a Western misunderstanding and misrepresentation of their religious beliefs. This is why I teach this stuff for a living.

[DUmmie a la izquierda lays down his creds. It looks like Know-it-all Nadin has a partner in condescending all-knowingness!]

[Someone else now brings in more info, debunking the December 21st end-of-the-world BS . . .]

leap years don't matter. The Mayan Long Count is just a count of the days since the beginning of this creation cycle, which most researchers take to be August 11, 3114 BC. It doesn't count years -- they had other calendars for that -- so leap years don't matter. In the Long Count system, the date is a count of 1,872,000 days since August 11, 3114 BC, which is December 21, 2012, on our calendar regardless of leap years.

[That's one small step for Mayan, one giant leap year for mankind.]

two things . . .

[Nadin is back to shed more light . . .]

1.- This current version of the long count does end where it ends (they found a longer stone with a longer count this year)

2.- You are correct. We know this since this BS, and BS it is, is a creation of the Western Mind. Bakums were months, period,

["Period," she says with a comma. Nadin knows Bakums--or Baktuns, or Bakuns, whatever. It's just that pesky spelling and punctuation stuff that throws her for a loop.]

I congratulate you for getting it, by the way.

[A commendation from Nadin? What an honor!]

I expect to wake up the next day, uncover the parrot's cages like every day, and have two conures beg for their waffles. Life will go on.

[Whew, we can rest easy now. Nadin assures us that life WILL go on. Parrot cages will be uncovered. Conures will get their waffles. You are such a calming presence in the midst of turmoil, Nadin! You are our Rock of Gibberish.]

I have spoken to Maya. Even attended a sacrifice or two, shared ritual meals and all that, ad Dec 21, 2012 is NOT what they mean. Not in any way, shape or form.

[Nadin makes The Most Interesting Man in the World look boring.]

You attended a sacrifice? Truly, you are the jewel in DU's crown as there is nothing on this Earth you have not done!

[Indeed, DUmmie zappaman, indeed!]

[And then last night Nadin started a thread of her own . . .]

For those actually interested in what the Maya Elders are doing tonight. . . .

["Maya Elders". . . . I'm imagining a cross between Maya Angelou and Joycelyn Elders, like this:

We're all probably going to die of something,
So I know why Nadin's caged birds sing.

BTW, Nadin, did the Maya Elders share their knowledge with the Hopi Elders? PJ wants to know.]

No, not preparing for the end of the world. I leave that for Western folks new age types. Nope. They are offering sacrifice mostly of smoke and not incense, but it would work as to the smell.

[It's Stinko de Maya.]

As well as prayers,.to the four cardinal points as well as having some ritual meals.
[Ritual meals featuring their traditional sausage, Maya Andouille, and their traditional condiment, Mayannaise.]

They are setting themselves for the end of the old world and the Birth of the next one... But the end of the world? Not so much. Oh and they are probably laughing at all these ladinos using the Aztec sun stone. . . .

[With the Maya Elders, Nadin LAUGHS at your "Aztec sun stone"! You amateurs can't even tell the difference between an Aztec sun stone and a Mayan calendar?? Sheesh! Just be glad Nadin is here to set you straight!]

if I could I would not mind being in a pueblo sharing with them.

[Instead, Nadin is still hunkered down in her backyard fallout shelter, guarding against the Fukushima gas clouds wafting over the Pacific. While you're in there, Nadin, be sure to raise a glass of triage milk to the Maya Elders tonight! For all of us!]

I was honored when I was invited, as a ladino, to be part of the renewal and cleansing ceremonies that some of the Maya living in Tijuana carried out one year.

[You took part in the cleansing ceremonies, Nadin? You should ask for your money back.]

Tonight they are lighting the new fire. This speaks of the Mesoamerican period, but a lot of this has not changed.

[Nadin has not changed, either. She is a true Messoamerican.]

Thank you, Nadin.

[How can we ever thank you enough? We are not worthy!]

thank you for this. You truly are the Indiana Jones of DU. There is nothing you haven't done and nothing you do not know.

[DUmmie zappaman, count on this to go right over Nadin's head. She could star in Readers of the Lost Snark.]


Blogger Dan said...

Readers of the Lost Snark


2:46 PM  
Blogger Ogrrre said...

Well, now, I am so depressed! This ended world of December 22, looks, smells, and sounds the same as the old pre-ended world of December 20. WTF! I was so hoping I wouldn't have to put up with any f'ing DUmbass parasites anymore.
Oh! I know! I'll do just as the DUmbasses do: I'll close my eyes really tight and pretend that reality is what I think it ought to be instead of what it is.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The one lousy thing about the world not ending on 12/21/12, is we still have people like those at the DUmp to contend with. The one good thing about it is we still have DUFU around so we can make fun of them.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

"I was honored when I was invited, as a ladino, to be part of the renewal and cleansing ceremonies that some of the Maya living in Tijuana carried out one year."

These ceremonies occur daily, they involve a donkey and a lot of tourists.

9:30 PM  
Anonymous envisio said...


Dammit Chuck! I am confined to a cubicle today and have had an enormous gas bubble occupying my lower intestine that I have been holding. Judging by the sour odor I experienced in my truck on the way to work this morning, I have been scared to release it in this cubicle.
"mayonaise" made me LOL and rip it loudly. If it had been silent, I could have possible got away with it by sneaking away from it, but now everyone heard it and everyone knows it was me. Thanks Alot!

11:16 AM  

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