Friday, November 23, 2012

How the DUmmies spent their Thanksgiving


It's an annual holiday tradition here at DUmmie FUnnies. We monitor how the DUmmies spend their Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Now you may be asking yourself, "Self, how can the DUmmies celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, when a) they don't have a God to give thanks to, and b) they don't believe in Christ?" Good question. Nevertheless, the DUmmies do observe these holidays, not according to the purpose for which they were created, but rather as occasions for family gatherings, where they, left-wing moonbats that they are, can interact with their normal relatives and irritate the heck out of them.

So how did the DUmmies spend this Thanksgiving? We'll find out, starting with this little THREAD by Nadin Brzezinski, "Ah the duck is roasting," and then we'll take a survey of the DUmp, foraging from several threads.

So let us now gather round the table in the DUmmie dining room, decorated in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--who gave thanks to God in church on Thanksgiving Day, who is not out shopping today, and whose family is having the big turkey dinner a couple hours from now--is in the [brackets]:

Ah the duck is roasting. . . .

                       ["DUck???"]
 

the parrots are going nuts. . . .

[They think they're next.]

it is Thanksgiving. . . .

[The irony is lost on Nadin, as it is on all DUmmies. Don't fill in the blank, Nadin. "Thanksgiving" means you're supposed to be giving thanks TO GOD.]

except that Hubby is working.

[Yes, friends, as hard as it is to believe, there is a MR. Nadin. A lid for every pot, I guess.]

it makes me wonder, since they have never been required, well except the let's keep the lights on volunteer crew, to work on Thanksgiving. This soon will spread to other jobs.
[Nadstradamus predicts a trend.]

Oh and yes the hungry beaks are not happy. they want some duck NOW, and it will take still hours to roast. . . .

[You feed duck to PARROTS?? Isn't that like cannibalism, Nadin?]

[A DUmmie now replies to Nadin's post. . .]

I did not know that parrots ate meat. . . .

[Something you did not know, eh? Well, Miss Know-it-all is here to fill you in . . .]

It depends on the species. but Conures are omnivores. In the wild they have been observed going after carcasses as well.

[Is there ANYTHING that Nadin does not know?]

We feed them human food. . . .

[Yikes! I had heard some of your neighbors had gone missing, Nadin, but THIS??]

Oh and they love meat. Cookie, our nanday, begs for steak. He loves it.

[Just make sure it isn't from one of them cows that took in the Fukushima fumes. But you already knew that, didn't you, Naddie?]

Duck is yummy. . . .

[One of Nadin's parrots checks in. I think it's Hannibal, the Duckovore.]





 
[Well, that thread didn't go very far, so let's find another . . .]


Any good Thanksgiving stories? Any blowups at the dinner table; bitter relatives who are sore losers and do not love America?

[In other words, were you able to irritate the heck out of your normal relatives?]

Nope, actually after a whole day of the house smelling like duck, and the conures getting out of control, they dove right in, yummy duck and yam...the house is now at peace.

[Look who's the first one to reply! It's Nadin! She couldn't get any traction on her duck-roasting thread, so now she tries to hijack THIS thread! Notice, right out of the blue, she throws in the "conures," like anyone is supposed to know what she's talking about.]

We don't do relatives. . . .

[You do duck, you do human food, but at least you don't do your relatives. Good. Glad to hear there's a line you do not cross, Nadin.]

[Enough out of you for now, Nads. Go get your good rig together and head on down to Walmart to cover that massive walkout. Now let's hear from some others about their Thanksgiving . . .]

It was actually pleasant, we all voted for the POTUS. . . .

[Enjoy it while it lasts! Good luck with the higher insurance premiums and the 29-hour work week--IF you've even GOT a job!]

We celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving in October.

[Tell you what. Can we send Obama up your way? You send us some of your bacon and maple syrup, we give you Obama, and we'll call it a deal.]


We hide in the house all weekend. Travel is off the table. No problems anymore.

[Believe me, your relatives are VERY thankful!]

when my oldest cut her hand on the wishbone and everyone was teasing her and telling her she was going to turn into a turkey, and her sister told her next Thanksgiving was taken care of because she will be a huge turkey and my oldest said it was ok, Obama will pardon me.

[PARDON her? Heck, if she turns into a turkey, Obama may put her in his cabinet!]

I refuse to go to my family's house. Mom and siblings are crazy. They are hard right haters and I finally decided I'd had enough. . . .

[But just think of how you could aggravate and annoy them if you show up! Wouldn't that be worth it?]

If Republicans want to know why Americans turned their back on them this year in the election, all they need do is look in the mirror to see what loser-moocher-ingrate blobs they are.

[I think it was rather that all the loser-moocher-ingrate blobs turned out to vote for OBAMA, so they could get their free birth control and Obamaphones.]

My in-laws were born and raised in Alabama, and it shows. The election did come up, and the table was solidly Romney, except for Hubs and me and our 17-year-old nephew. . . . After dinner, Hubs schooled them all on their new benefits under Obamacare. . . .

[Let's see, the new benefits under Obamacare. Well, there's the tax, or jail time, if you don't buy a government-approved insurance policy. . . . Then there's your employer dropping the benefits he WAS giving you, so you can now enjoy OBAMA'S benefits. . . . Oh, and don't forget the shorter work week:  Part-time work is so much less strenuous, you know.]

I had fun talking about how screwed the GOP is by teabaggers. . . . I noticed across at the next table the father of a cousin's wife kept looking at me as I went on using words like "crazies" and "psychos" when I talked about teabaggers rather loudly. So of course, I talked even louder and stared a hole through the guy. . . . I'd had a few beers. I wanted to say, "hey, you got something to say there?" I don't know the guy at all so I especially didn't give a sh*t. But my wife told me to blow it off. He didn't say anything so I let it go.

[You are such a gentleman. Remarkable restraint on your part, I must say.]

Thanksgiving dinner, 26 adults, 8 children: not one republican. . . . Three turkeys, a ham and everything else. . . .

[I would say there were at least 26 turkeys.]

I was originally going to go to my sister's house for Thanksgiving, but after Obama and California Prop 30 won, she informed me that she was too angry and depressed to have any fun with a liberal like me, who voted for both. So I had turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing-on-the-side, Indian green beans, lotsa gravy, and peanut butter pie all by myself. And had a blast! No arguments, no anger . . .

[. . . no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion was one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Arrrggghhh!!]

My mother is 90 and has dementia but when we brought up Obama being re-elected she shouted yeah!

[Demented Democrats for Obama! Yeah! See if she's singing the same tune when the death panels kick in.]

We all toasted President Obama with champagne. . . .

[I toasted him with used beverages in the bathroom.]

Ah, the joys of spending Thanksgiving with right wing nuts. . . . It all started when my SIL and her father spoke up at the same time and said how the President was driving the country to disaster, the ACA was going to be the demise of the country. . . .

[I'm guessing they didn't call it "the ACA." Probably "Obamacare," or, more likely, "that d*mn Obamacare."]

To which I responded "that is one opinion, a rather shallow opinion, but an opinion nonetheless"and . . . [blah, blah, blah, typical liberal harangue]. . . . Silence befell the group. Not a response from the RW'ers. Three glasses of wine later they left and I enjoyed my reheated dinner. I will be alone for Christmas rather than endure any more of those stupid f***ers' nonsense.

[You sure showed them, didn't you? Surprised they lasted the three glasses of wine.]

Good for you, my dear Sailingdiver! . . . Ya done good!

[You win the Piss-Off-the-Relatives Award for this year!]

This is why if you're not a liberal Democrat I won't even aknowledge you! Yet alone enter into a conversation with you. . . .

[Promise?]

all Republicans are f***ing scum.

[Nice!]

At least they shut the f*** up. Most of them just scream louder if anyone tries to stick a pin into their little hate-filled bubbles.

[Little Hate-Filled Bubbles Irony Alert!]

I made a large Cheese Ball that blew their socks off!

[Next time aim for the head.]

I had a rather pleasant thanksgiving with my autistic son, his rebel-without-a-cause brother and his hippie girlfriend, my eldest gun-nut son and his wife, his gay best friend and his partner, his Wal-Mart manager father-in-law, 90 year old grandmother-in-law, hypochondriac mother-in-law, bipolar brother in law, my long-suffering wife and, to make matters worse, me.

[Ah, to be a fly on the wall!]

5 Comments:

Anonymous Corona said...

Can two grown men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

9:53 AM  
Anonymous MoK said...

Ah, irony. Something that's completely lost on DUmmies. That part about the mother with dementia (while the condition is sad, of course) had me nearly spewing my adult beverage onto my keyboard.

6:28 AM  
Anonymous Ahinam Rodri said...

WHO’S IN THE WHITE HOUSE CONSERVATIVES? Thats right, the American people have elected a “socialist” “Muslim Kenyan”.

Go on screaming on Benghazi and the fiscal cliff till you fall down in tears.

America moving forwards rapidly, and the people are laughing at your impotent rage !

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look everyone, Rodri's back from his rave. He sounds faaaaabulous this morning!

When you don't care about other people's lives or fiscal responsibility (see: Europe)it's party time, all the time!

I hear Greece is moving forward rapidly too.

8:20 AM  
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