Friday, November 23, 2012

Nadin reports: WALMART WORKERS TO WALK OUT ON BLACK FRIDAY


'Twas the night before Friday, when all through the DUmp,
Just one DUmmie was sniffing, she was getting a jump.
A story was breaking! 'Twas time to prepare--
Yes, Nadin Brzezinski soon would be there!


The DUmmies, all smug in their Bolshevik Red,
Were boring me stiff till I noticed this
THREAD:
"On Friday, Black Friday," Nads exclaimed with a shout,
"The workers of Walmart all will walk out!"


Nadin, Girl Reporter, was posting this crap,
So I knew that a DUFU just fell in my lap.
You know she'll be there for a story this big
With press pass and notebook and good camera rig.


But not just reporter--she wears many a hat--
As activist too, she'll be there for that:
"On, Greeter! On, Checker! On, Stocker of Shelves!
On strike you must go! Show you're not happy elves!"


Of course, when Nadin posts a thread on DU,
Her fanboys, those bullies, will soon show up too.
But that makes for chuckles and iggy-list cheer,
And that's how Nadin won Top DUmmie last year.


So let us proceed, without further ado,
To hear from Nadin and the DUmmieland crew.
In Bolshevik Red there will rise such a racket,
While Henrickson's stuff you will see in a [bracket]:


WORKERS TO STAGE WALK OUTS AT WALMART STORES ON BLACK FRIDAY

[AND NADIN BRZEZINSKI WILL BE THERE!]

By Nadin Abbott

[Faster than a speeding trend. . . . More powerful than a Fukushima. . . . Able to cross the Rubicon in a single bound. . . . "Look, up in the sky!" "It's a journalist!" "It's an activist!" "It's SUPPERDUPERWOMAN!" . . . Yes, it's Supperduperwoman, strange visitor from . . . Poland, or Israel, or Mexico, or maybe a fallout shelter in San Diego . . . well, she's strange, we know that . . . who came to DUmmieland with powers and abilities far beyond those of normal DUmmies; and who, disguised as "Nadin Abbott," unpaid "reporter" for an insignificant online rag, fights a never-ending battle for . . . for . . . well, she fights a never-ending battle.]

November 20, 2012 (San Diego)—Across the nation and in San Diego County, Walmart workers are poised to stage a walk out on Friday, traditionally the biggest shopping day of the year.

[Poised, I tell you! All of them, all across the nation, poised! And Nadin is poised, too, ready to cover it all!]

This Thanksgiving, Walmart workers at more than 1,000 locations are seeking a seat at the bargaining table.

[And if they all sit down at the same time, the table will reach a tipping point!]

“Unless Walmart takes immediate steps to improve basic working conditions, workers throughout the company's vast operations — from factories and warehouses to retail stores — will participate in a massive walkout on Friday, November 23," states an e-mail sent by Color of Change.

[Nadin's source, "Color of Change," is a race-hustling little organization that hasn't been able to accomplish very much in its brief history. So how "massive" the walkout will be remains to be seen. But Nadin makes it sound like this thing will bring Walmart to its knees!]

The reasons are many, but lifting workers out of poverty is a key factor.

[So walking out, and losing your job, and losing it to someone who WANTS to work at Walmart--this will lift you out of poverty??]

[nadinbrzezinski the DUmmie then posts a link to Nadin Abbott the reporter's article. Then she closes her OP by saying . . .]

Nothing more to say...

[Oh, Nadin, don't tease us! I'm sure you will have more to say! You always do. But first, let's get a reaction from your loyal readers . . .]

Wow. That would be MAJOR. A new dawn is upon us.

[I think someone is yanking Nadin's chain. You're lucky Nadin did not detect your sarcasm, pal, or you'd be on the iggy list for sure!]

I will be there, With camera, note pad, press credentials, recorder, and parking off the property. If this goes the way...it will be historic.

[If Nadin is there, it will be hysteric!]

Wouldn't that be a blast if that went across the nation.

[Wouldn't that be a bust if it didn't. Nadin responds . . .]

1000 locations is across the nation.

[A thousand points of light to no impact.]

By the time I leave to cover the strike special on aisle two, it will be well underway. If this goes the way it could, this will be historic. Yes, prepared for violence honestly.

[Nadin is bringing her nunchucks. I don't know if you knew this, but Nadin is a master of martial arts. Or marital arts. Or something. Whatever it is, she's a master of it.]

Sadly, they will probably be fired.

[Which means that, laughably, Nadin's massive walkout story will likely be a a big bust, since most workers won't walk out.]

I will be up bright an early.

["Early," maybe, Nadin. But "bright," I'm not so sure.]

Their evil overlords will not tolerate this act of personhood.

[I, for one, welcome the Walmart overloads. High volume, low prices!]

this year I am doing Black Friday. The strike special on aisle two.

[Be careful not to get trampled by the crowds, Nadin. You're a small person to start with, and people might mistake you for Teddy Ruxpin or something.]

Even as a reporter, this is a concern.

[That people might mistake you for Teddy Ruxpin? I was thinking more like one of those troll dolls.]

 


Just in case, taking the zoom.

[It's a zoom out there, Nadin!]

They are right now at the NLBR to be exact. Wally World did not file the injunction on time. I need to furiously take some notes on that, for the Friday story and call corporate in the morning.

[Nadin Brzezinski is the hardest working girl reporter in show business!]

This afternoon, I stopped at Walmart on the way home from work. The cashiers all looked so scared and weary. I said, "How are you?" and my cashier said, "Fine." But it was so forced. I said, "Have a nice Thanksgiving!" and she said, "Okay. We'll all be here. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. All day. All three days." I told her, "Listen, people out there are learning about this. Public sentiment is starting to turn your way." She smiled for the first time, but then she had to rush into the next transaction. And her smile was so full of fear.

[She was probably afraid the guy behind you was going to haul off and slug you, DUmmie raging moderate, because you were holding up the line.]

I avoid Wally World. But have been covering a lo of labor stories. It's brewing, and not just Walmart.

[Nadin spots a trend.]

Some of us in the press will do the strike special, forgive me, educational picket, on Black Friday.

["Some of us in the press." Oh, Nadin! You crack me up!]

I'll have to see it to believe it.

[What? You don't believe it?? But, but, Nadin said it's going to be MASSIVE! 1000 locations! Historic! Just like that Occupy thingie! If Nadin said it, you can take it to the bank!]

For the record, I am not the only one to notice. . . .

[You mean there are OTHER reporters, trend-spotters even, who have seen this thing coming? I thought you were the only one. But if this is offically for the record, Nadin, I believe you.]

[Well, morning comes early on Black Friday, Nadin. Get some rest, drink plenty of fluids, and be there bright and--be there early, Nads. We're counting on you to keep us informed!]

4 Comments:

Anonymous Corona said...

WalMart is non-union. All the employees are non-union. Since unions are telling non-union members to strike, isn't that racketeering?

12:57 PM  
Anonymous The ULTIMATE Man said...

“Unless Walmart takes immediate steps to improve basic working conditions, workers throughout the company's vast operations — from factories and warehouses to retail stores — will participate in a massive walkout on Friday, November 23," states an e-mail sent by Color of Change.

Wal-Mart FACTORIES?

When the heck did Wal-Mart get factories?

Maybe they're near the Sears factories.

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the fuunier "Know it all Nadine threads i ran across today was just 20 minutes ago

She was claiming to have been at a walmart doing her reporter thing.

in 6 hours there were 4 comments to it........All were by her

LOL

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Those aren't factories. They're detention centers. Think Soylent Green.

9:55 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home