No Wonder. It's a Bimbo Eruption!
The Obama Economy continues apace. Another business shutting down. Thousands of jobs lost. More tax revenue lost. Ho-hum.
But no Ho-Hos. Or Ding-Dongs. Or Twinkies. Or Wonder Bread. Hostess is going out of business. And even the DUmmies are having to adjust, as we see in this BREAD THREAD by DUmmie boston bean, "Do not laugh, I beg of you do not laugh!" Then we'll also look at this THREAD, "Here is what is going to happen to Twinkies."
So let us push our carts up and down the aisles of DUmmieland, in search of Dead Bread Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--reminding the DUmmies, "YOU OWN IT!"--is in the [bracket] sandwich:
Do not laugh, I beg of you do not laugh!
[Hey, this is the DUmmie FUnnies! We're looking at you DUmmies. How can we NOT laugh?]
I'm a pretty strong feminist, let me preface this story with that fact!
[OK, you've presented your prog credentials, DUmmie boston bean. Please continue.]
I have been having quite a bit of a hard time in thinking I may lose my beloved Wonder Bread, you know with Hostess closing and all.
[The striking union held their ground, that's the important thing. So 18,500 workers will now be out of a job. So there will be that much less tax revenue coming into the treasury. So DUmmie boston bean will no longer have her beloved Wonder Bread. These are the sacrifices we must make TO TELL IT TO THE MAN!!!!]
Well, hubby went grocery shopping today and the stores were picked clean of Wonder Bread, Twinkies, Donettes, everything Hostess.
[Holy Sacred Cow, Big Labor!]
He went out to another store to see if he could find a loaf of Wonder Bread, and a couple of other things we needed!!!!!
[Now with multi-exclamation marks!!!!!]
And I told him, try to find a replacement if you can't find the Wonder Bread.
[How about air-filled wallpaper paste?]
Now, I'm really beginning to get really concerned I may have consumed my last slice of Wonder Bread!
[The Wonder Years are over. Wonder Bread is toast. What is the point of going on? I mean, really.]
I'm sorry to have been bothering you all with my fear over this loss, but I really have been fretting about the loss of this bread. I know, please don't tell me how bad it is for me. I don't care. I like the bread and have been bred on Wonder Bread!
[New York Post headline: BROAD BRED ON BAD BREAD UP TO HEAD WITH DREAD.]
Grilled cheese sandwiches will not be the same without my favorite Wonder Bread!
[Try grilling the cheese without the bread. Who knows, you may like it.]
So anyhow, hubby gets home from the grocery store. . . . He says the second store was out of Wonder Bread too, and all other hostess products. People must be stock piling the stuff.
[Nadin Brzezinski. Her fingerprints are all over this. Fifteen pallets for her fallout shelter, I bet.]
But anyhow, he whips out . . .
[Careful . . .]
But anyhow, he whips out this loaf of bread:
[It's a Bimbo eruption!]
I'm gonna give it a try, because I don't have another choice, but DAYUM! Did they have to name it BIMBO!?
[What's in a name? That which we call a Bimbo, by any other name would sell as wheat.]
[Her fellow DUmmies now commiserate with DUmmie boston bean . . .]
You know, you are what you eat.
[And you guys have been eating DUmmi Bears.]
Just tried a bit of it, and it wasn't bad.
[Let's get DUmmie boston bean to try it! She'll eat anything!]
We have Bimbo here in the NW. . . .
[Bill Clinton is on his way!]
I tried not to laugh. I swear I did. It wasn't so much the name of the bread, but the fact your husband bought it.
[Yeah, boston bean, I thought you said you were a strong feminist! What are you doing having your husband buying things for you? Aren't you an independent woman? Why do you even HAVE a husband?? Who needs 'em?]
I always thought it should be "Bimba" anyway, "Bimbo" should be for boys.
[It's only boy bimbos for benburch.]
If you absolutely must have white balloon bread that makes your teeth squeak, Bimbo bread is great stuff.
[Disgustibus non est disputandum.]
It's made by a Mexican company, Grupo Bimbo. . . .
[I, for one, welcome our new Mexican ovenlords.]
a national brand like Hostess is likely not going away for long. . . . it will probably outlive us all.
[You may be right. I've still got a Twinkie I bought back in 1967.]
I hear that Hostess products have deteriorated over the years.
[Not my Twinkie! Still soft and golden!]
Motto: "Bimbo, for the breast in bed". . . .
The company is headquartered in Mexico. Bimbo doesn't mean the same thing there as in English. . . . Pretty soon we'll all be eating pan Bimbo.
[As opposed to Pan American.]
Damned Americans. They think English is the only language and everything is in English.
Kind of like when Pizza Hut sold their P'zone in Italy and people read it as "pezon" which means nipple.
[They sold Pizza Hut IN ITALY?? Why??]
In any case watch for Bimbo brand bread in your supermarket.
[BLAND BREAD BRAND TO EXPAND.]
To me bread is bread. I use WalMart Great Value bread. . . .
[WalMart?? You shop at WALMART?? Turn in your Prog Card immediately!! Prepare for tombstoning!]
I know your serious about the issue but kind of put in in prospective. There are people who are starving.
[Like those union strikers who just bit the brand that fed them.]
you can put some Olive Oil on each side. . . . Hmmm good.
[A little Extra Virgin with your Bimbo. . . . Yumm!]
I think their Bimbo is different from our bimbo. Er . . . . that bimbo. I mean Bimbo. The bread Bimbo, not the bimbo bimbo. Ya know?
Bimbo bakeries most likely to buy Hostess!
[BIMBO TO BUY BANNED BRAND PLANNED?]
I always wondered if it was actually bread. . . . I just thought that's how it got its name: Wonder (if it's) Bread.
[They tried "I Can't Believe It's Bread," but that didn't sell too well.]
it is bread, it's just batter whipped, instead of dough.
[Battered white bread syndrome.]
Well the little bear is cute.
[Tom Vilsack. . . Paging Mr. Tom Vilsack. . . .]
All bread is bad.
[All generalizations are bad. People who make them should all be shot.]
I havent eaten bread in 10 years.
[If you've been eating Wonder Bread all that time, I agree.]
I think it has too much gluten which is a kind of glue.
Because my mom swore by it, I've always made all my French toast and bread puddin with Wonder Bread.
[If you made my French toast with Wonder Bread, I'd be swearing, too.]
I don't want to see the "Hostess Bimbo" mascot.
[Her catchphrase: "Me love you long time!"]
Heck even the raccoons wouldn't mess with that Wonder "solidified chemtrail in a bag".
[PJ tried to get some Wonder Bread for Li'l Beaver once. Had a BOGO coupon. Li'l Beaver set a cigar to it and it went up in a puff of smoke.]
Maybe bimbo can buy out Hostess and re-launch their bread as Wonder-Bimbo.
[Sandra Fluke could get a job as their mascot.]
I'd rather be around a bimbo than a grumpy or snarky or know-it-all or Republican any day of the week.
[Imagine if they had "Rethuglican Bread"!! Ewww!!]
sweets lovers across the nation hung their heads in sorrow on a dark Friday yesterday as Hostess announced they would cease making their line of products, which include the iconic Twinkies brand, because of the Bakers Union Strike.
[The union spoke truth to power and WON! They held out and REFUSED to give an inch! Woo-hoo! Of course, they now have no jobs to come back to, but that's beside the point.]
But now as the brand heads towards liquidating and selling off their assets, a Mexican company may be angling to resurrect the golden Twinkies. . . . Mexico’s Grupo Bimbo may hold the inside track.
[Bimbo Bakery to the rescue!]
So is this the narrative that CorpMedia is using? . . . That a strike brought down Hostess?
[Hmmm. . . . Difficulty. . . . The union goes on strike, threatening the ability of the company to produce its goods. . . . The union succeeds. . . . The company folds. . . . But now, now, we don't want to blame the union, do we? What's a dutiful prog to do??]
The union can still be used to save this situation for the workers. . . . The union could still function as the organizing body of a bakery worker cooperative. . . . If they put their union's money and their own money together (all of them), they might just have enough to garner external support to buy up what they need to get started. . . . It sounds like a pipe dream, but it's not.
[A workers' cooperative! Yeah, that's the ticket! WHEEEE!!! C'mon, kids, let's put on a SHOW!!!!]
Frankly, a little government investment . . . could really help make this happen.
[Yes, a government bailout! Invest in America's snack food infrastructure! Why, even better--a government takeover! General Hostess! Electric Twinkies! Solyndra Cakes! Obambo Bread!!]
We should organize the Bimbos.
[You know, you're right. We need a Bimbo Czar . . .]