Friday, October 26, 2012

"Your First Time": DUmmies dig on Dunham

Imagine if Rachel Maddow, Janeane Garofalo, and Sandra Fluke got together and somehow were able to produce a child. Sandy was off her pills one month, Rachel was feeling randy, and Janeane was in there somewhere, too. So assuming this dérange à trois could produce offspring, what would it look like? Answer: Lena Dunham.

Who is Lena Dunham, you ask? Well, I had to ask, too, when I came across that name last night. When I first saw it, I thought it said "Leon Durham," the old first baseman for my Chicago Cubs. Leon Durham--the guy who let that ground ball go through his legs against the Padres (pulling a Buckner two years before Buckner), thus costing the Cubs a trip to the World Series. Yeah, that Leon Durham. I still get upset about it.

But I digress. Back to Lena Dunham. It turns out left-leaning Lena is some actress type on a show I've never heard of. But apparently a few people do watch her show--about 30 or 40 college-age girls, it seems. That would be the demographic the Obama campaign is going after with a new YouTube VIDEO that Lena Dunham did for them, called "Your First Time."

The theme of the video is Ms. Dunham comparing premarital sex with voting for Barack Obama. The first time you fornicate, it should be with a great guy, and that guy is Barack Obama. He's Mr. Dreamy. So lay down on your back, open wide, and pull the lever. That's about the size of it. Sluts for Obama. I kid you not.

Now wait a minute. . . . Dunham, Dunham--where have I heard that name before? That's right! Stanley Ann Dunham and her boy Barry! Maybe Lena and Our President are related, on the freaky white Dunham side. That would explain the weirdness. Call in Henry Louis Gates, and he can do a DNA test.

So Lena Dunham has done this "Your First Time" video, and it has gone viral. Ewww, maybe I should rephrase that. It has taken off faster than Big Bird on a binder full of horses. Besides lighting up Lena, BO gives the DUmmies the Big "O," too, and so they luv the vid, of course. Witness this THREAD, "Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls"): Your First Time."  You can view the VIDEO embedded--no pun intended--at that DUmmieland link, in case the YouTube link doesn't work.

But before we get to the debauched DUmmies, let us first hear from the deflowered Ms. Dunham herself--we'll call this part the DUnham FUnnies--in Baboon Butt Red, while the commentary of your gobsmacked humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, hoping this Dunham video is seen by millions, since it will cause all decent and civilized people to vote for Romney, is in the [Barackets]:

Your first time shouldn't be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful . . .

[. . . contraceptives.]

Someone who really cares about and understands women.

[Someone like, oh, Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton.]

A guy who cares whether you get health insurance, and specifically whether you get birth control.

[But only if you don't have to pay for it yourself.]

The consequences are huge.

[Hugh, I tell you!]

You want to do it with a guy who brought the troops out of Iraq.

[And pulled the security team out of Benghazi.]

You don't want a guy who says, "Oh hey, I'm at the library studying," when he's really out not signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act.

[ICK! You DON'T want to do the Sandra Fluke Act with HIM!]


Or who thinks that gay people should never have beautiful, complicated weddings of the kind we see on Bravo or TLC all the time.

[It's a FUnnie world nowadays, isn't it? The heterosexuals DON'T want to get married, and the homos DO!]

It's a fun game to say, "Who are you voting for?" and they say "I don't want to tell you," and you say, "No, who are you voting for?" and they go, "Guess!"

[Wheeeee!!! It's FUn!]

Think about how you want to spend those four years. In college-age time, that's 150 years.

[And after those 150 years, you still won't be able to get a job.]

Also, it's super uncool to be out and about and someone says, "Did you vote?" and "No, I didn't vote, I wasn't ready."

[So make sure that you ARE ready! All you college-age girls, be sure and GET OUT THERE AND VOTE on November 7th!]

My first time voting was amazing. It was this line in the sand.

[Kind of like the Fluke bedroom, where's there's a line in the Sandra.]

Before I was a girl. Now I was a woman.

[And now I'm making this idiotic ad.]

I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain.

[I was ready to be polled.]

I voted for Barack Obama.

[Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! You did it with Mr. Dreamy! And once you've done Barack, you'll never go back! . . . But, but, wait. . . . Lena, I read on your bio that you are 26 years old. That means that the first time you were eligible to vote was in . . . in 2004, not 2008. Hmmm. . . . Did you not vote for Jean-Francois Kerry?? You know, the guy who served in Vietnam? Are you saying Kerry was slut-boated? Were you not ready? Or were you saving yourself for Barack?]

[The DUmmies now dig on Dunham . . .]

Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls")

[Now she's one of BHO's "Girls."]

Your First Time

[Virginia is in a swing state.]


[Cute, with cooties.]

I just saw it and came to see if it had been posted.

[Oh, she's been posted, alright.]

Oh, and it's pissing off the creepy Republicans, so... YAY!!

[YAY for offending all decent and civilized people and driving them to vote for Romney!!]

Yes, they are trashing it big time.

[Lena scores high in the trash poll!]

She's voting with her lady parts!

[T M I !!]

Can't wait for the follow up video.

[I can see it now: "I Was Barack's Baby Mama!" Stay classy, Obama campaign!]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

As has been noted elsewhere, the fact that the actress saying this has the same last name as Obama's mother only increases the creepiness factor.

You Must Have Sex With Your Cult Leader, Citizens!

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

So if you want to get screwed for the next four years, vote Obama?

Got it.

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A guy who cares ... specifically whether you get birth control."

In other words, a guy interested in one thing: no responsibility, no strings attached; you are merely a vessel for - well, you know. End result: you are nothing more than a used Kleenex - used and discarded...

3:10 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

This is the sort of political ad that might make sense if Bill Clinton was the Presidential candidate, not girly man Barack Obama.

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Lena Dunham and Howe.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With all of these hapless twits voting with their "ladyparts", I'm kinda scared to go vote now. I mean will there be hand sanitizer available, or do I need to bring my own? A box of those sanitizing wipes they use on shopping carts now? Maybe I'll just don some nitrile gloves.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Ogrrre said...

Perhaps a level 4 biohazard suit?

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Lena, come talk to us in ten years when you've got lady parts so used that a Peterbilt could go through it.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Skully said...

"She's voting with her lady parts!"

Great now we have a new voting bloc:

The Vulva Voter.

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Get Out The Vajayjay.

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is pure genius. I was just thinking the other day, "Ya know, if there's one area where the Obama campaign has really been lacking, it's not having enough cutesy-ironic hipster sluts."

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Liptonius said...

She doesn't warn about the risk of an "unwanted Presidency".

9:59 AM  
Blogger Ogrrre said...

Why would anyone with any sense want their first time to be with someone who has been f**king everyone in the whole country for the past four years? Especially when they can see the results of the STD that Teh Won has given the country. And then, he lied about respecting us in the morning ... hell, he didn't respect us in 2008! It's too bad that those who want to vote with their slutty parts can't or won't learn from other people's mistakes.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She doesn't warn about the risk of "unwanted presidency" because that would mean we could abort the "parasite" residing at 1800 Pennsylvania avenue

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, I'd rather abort the one at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., but that's just me. 8-)

5:39 PM  

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