Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Pitt puts the year into perspective--well, sorta . . .

Pied Piper Pitt periodically feels a need to pontificate, and Christmas/New Year's is just such an occasion. Pitt bids farewell to this YEAR by bidding farewell to this awful DECADE, in order to a) bash Bush and b) distract attention from Obambi and this Year of Living Changerously. And through it all, Wee Willie manages to say . . . almost nothing. But it does allow him to pontificate from on high . . . atop his barstool at Bukowski's. And it does allow US to have some FUn with the DUmmies, which is our "mission statement" here at DUmmie FUnnies.

And it gives me, the wag tailoring the doggerel, an excuse to post this little parody I wrote this afternoon. It's a "Year in Review" composition, a Tribute to Team Obama. Click the link and sing along!

Tune: "Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise"

Immoral, incompetent,
Not very wise;
This year of Obama meant
Murphy applies.
The change they believed in
Since Bo was a pup
Got shortchanged and even
Got all wee-wee'd up.

The bailouts, the skeptic
Said, won't stimulate;
The failure was epic--
A ten is worth eight.
The shovel is ready
To dig a new hole;
The trend line is steady--
It's Dear Leader's poll.

Insurance guy smirking,
But you might be jailed;
The system is working,
The underwear failed.
Incompetence conquers,
It's running amok;
But don't tell the Congress--
On stupid they're stuck.

On Holder, on Nappy,
On Crusty and Joe!
Is anyone happy
With Barry's Team O?
Let's all call a summit
And cry in our beer;
The worst thing about it--
It's just the first year!

And now we go to the Pittster and his fellow year-enders. Pitt's Christmas night
THREAD is called, in typical Pittian wit, brevity, and profundity, simply "Hey." So let's pull up a chair at Bukowski's and join the cheery conversation, in Rambling Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--who sees only a few new movies each year, but did enjoy the entertaining and uplifting "The Blind Side" last night--is in the [brackets]:





It's Christmas night. . . .

[Careful. "Winter Solstice."]

and there's one week to go before 2009 and the rest of this festering, pestiferous bloodbath of a decade gets relegated to the dustbin of history.

[Notice how quickly Party Hack Pitt moves from this YEAR--Obambi's festering, pestiferous Year of Living Changerously--and gets right to this DECADE, which is festering and pestiferous because of BUSH AND THE RETHUGLICANS, of course.]

Some things are definitely better. Some things are definitely worse. And a whole lot of sh*t is exactly the same.

[And a whole lot of Pitt says exactly NOTHING.]

So it goes.

[On he goes.]

DemocraticUnderground is also better, and worse, and the same.

[Don't lock yourself in there, Pitt.]

The most important thing, however, is that DU is still here.

[A third have been tombstoned, and a third are LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS, but DUmmieland still stands! Huzzah!]

So am I.

[Pitt lives! Huzzah!]

So are you.

[I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. . . .]

Thank you, thank you, thank you DU and the DUers who make this place what it is.

[Miami Beach audiences are the greatest in the world! Goodnight, everybody!]

You're all crazy, sane, right, wrong, and all the way wonderful.

[I'd stick with just the "crazy" and "wrong."]

We have come a long way, and have so very far to go.

[Can somebody give me a ride home? I'm not in shape to drive.]

I'm ready to keep up the fight if you are.

[Every ss-step . . . stranding up stai--ght . . . a stru--uggle. . . .]


[Bukowski's! Now let's hear from the other year-enders . . .]

cheers, will. all the best to you and yours.

[Will is a married man now, you know--to a woman, in fact--so, yes, he does have an "and yours"! Congratulations again, Will, on your altared state!]

K&R. Cheers!

[Kahlua & Rum! Cheers!]

I'm going to keep up the fight, because if you stop trying to make the world a better place, then what do you have?


Actually the decade ends next year.

[Oh, Mr. Smarty-Pants checks in. I bet you're fun at parties. "Actually, hors d'œuvre is both the singular AND the plural. You don't need an 's' on the end."]

This hasn't been a good decade. . . .

[Let's avoid talking about this YEAR.]

This thread is kind of cool, but it also sucks a little. . . .

[I sense someone mocking Pitt's non-committal approach. Hee! Hee!]

I'm at the in-laws. Do know if GD during the primaries or being here is worse!

[Tied for first.]

And we are the better for having you here with us. Thanks Will.

[Oh, thank you, Will! Thank you thank you thank you! Thank you for being YOU, Will Pitt, and for condescending to converse--well, you don't actually do that, do you?--for condescending to . . . bestow your wisdom upon us. Yes! We are ever so grateful!]

america is same

[Tonto is pissed.]

the more things change, the more they stay the same

[Penalty. Two minutes for Boring.]


[OK, that's different. Is this like semaphore flags or something?]

My dear Will...I'm so glad we have your sensible articulate voice to help us when we feel lost...Cheers, sweetie!

[Forget about it, CaliforniaPeggy! Will is a married man now! I know he's the Tiger Woods of DUmmieland and all, but you're going to have to aim your feminine wiles at another target! . . . No, wait. My bad. That was benburch posting.]

Lovely post

[Quiet, ben!]

Merry Christmas to all , and to all a good fight.

[Peace on earth and power to the people!]

fer shur

[gnarly dude]

Never give up!

[On second thought, give up. Just. Give up.]

Things are going to get better.

[The sun'll come out . . . tomorrow. . . .]

I feel it in my bones and my bones are old and if there are good feelings in these old bones it is always a good sign.

[What are you, a Hopi elder or something?]

throwing in the towel is not an option.

[Throwing up ON the towel is always an option for Pitt.]

Well freakin' put!

[Will freakin' Pitt!]

Fasten your seat belt....2010 promises some jaw-dropping events.

[You win the Mixed Metaphor of the Day™ Award. It's the gold standard in the vast ocean of major awards.]

Have a Happy!

[Have a Hopi!]

You, Sir, are definitely one of the best things about DU. Thank you for your contributions to this forum.

[We are not WORTHY! (Pitt lives for this.)]

How does one argue with such a thread.

[Don't worry, you guys'll find a way.]


[OK, we're cutting you off right here, sir. Do you want me to call a cab for you?]


[Careful, sir, you're falling off your stool.]

I'm happy to be with the DU gang

[We ride at dawn!]

I'd rather hang out with the DU group than A LOT of my real family!

[For which your family is grateful.]

I got a case of duct tape for Xmas and I'm using it.

[Kinky, ben!]

Ahoy there!
There are good ships,
and there are wood ships,
The ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships, are friendships,
And may they always be.


If I ever get within 50 miles from you, the drinks are on me.

[Pitt says, "Hey, I can be sitting all by myself, and I still get the drinks on me!"]

Technically speaking We have 1 year and a week before the decade is over.

[Did you know biscotti is plural? You should really order one biscotto.]

love ya, Will

[Signed, Will]

God bless us, every one

[May the Higher Power of whatever faith tradition or spirituality one may embrace help us to actualize our full potential and self-realization, if that is consonant with your belief system.]


Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

A bit of pointless DUmmie frottage, no doubt brought on by the seasonal warmth engendered by Atheistmas and the appearance of Satan Claus.

2:05 AM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

Leave it to Will to never miss an opportunity to have his tribe of sycophants suck up to him and/or place a lip-lock on his ass.

Pointless is right.

I wonder, who exactly IS wearing the pants at his house these days eh? LOL :) -tm

6:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The one poster did have it right, though; the decade doesn't end unti 12/31/2010. Lots of people think it's this year, just like all the brain-dead turds who celebrated the New Millenium on 1/1/2000.
Idiots abound.

9:39 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

I, troglaman, have suddenly learned to appreciate the Pitt posts. An epiphany. Ready? It brings out the the best in all of you.

"A bit of pointless DUmmie frottage, no doubt brought on by the seasonal warmth engendered by Atheistmas and the appearance of Satan Claus." Christmas Christian

It's like he's got a handle on Christ-like behavior or something, isn't it? Sure it is. Truly funny. No shit.

"Leave it to Will to never miss an opportunity to have his tribe of sycophants suck up to him and/or place a lip-lock on his ass." tazz

This is funny too. tazz couldn't leave it at "to have his tribe of sycophants suck up to him", he had to add "place a lip-lock on his ass."

Come on. If you were standing around at a bar or party or some other social gathering and you heard some guy say, "place a lip-lock on his ass", what the fuck would you do? Engage him in witty conversation?

Pretty damn funny. I'm not kidding.

"Decades operate on a cycle slightly removed from those of centuries and millenniums." kirk

.......(sure they do)

What do you say? Pretty damn friggin funny.

I, troglaman, would see 'Pitt' and quit reading. Little did I know of the hidden treasures buried beneath.

I love you dumbshits. I truly do. You give back.

Happy New Year. I mean it. Let's hope the next slightly removed decade is better than the last one.

We're all in this together, motherfuckers. Common sense. Doing the right thing. Doing unto others...

There you go. Happy New Year.

1:42 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

One more thing...

In December 2001, Richard Reed, the shoe bomber, did pretty much exactly the same thing as this Nigerian guy did in December, 2009.

My, troglaman's, question is why many of you frothing, frenzied howler monkeys didn't become frothing and frenzied about Richard Reed?

And let's remember something else, dumbshits. Terrorists want to create terror. The fact that you pussies are freaking out...even when the best of Al-Qaeda can't light his balls on fire, is fucking pathetic. All they have to do is try and you're all pussified.

Odds of dying in a terrorist plane disaster - 1 in 55,000,000.

Terrorist attack? 1 in 88,000

Lightening? 1 in 55,928

Clothes ingniting? 1 in 20,605

Dying in an assault from a firearm? 1 in 299

Assess the goals of terrorism and then determine who's buying it. Any conclusions?

Are you people even remotely aware of how full of shit you are?

2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, what's your point little troggy?
Your usual blathering really didn't make one.
Be a good lad, try again.


8:28 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"...pestiferous bloodbath of a decade..."

You ain't seen nothin' yet, if these idiots retain a majority after the 2010 Congressional election or the 2012 general election.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thanks to your amazing stats I no longer worry about terrorism, thunderstorms, catching fire or thugs with .357s.

Yet someone always beats the odds.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Yet someone always beats the odds." anon

Like someone always wins the lottery? How profound.

You pussies ought to be a bunch more scared of car accidents than you are about terrorists. In fact, I think it's time someone should look into whether or not Muslims are making our brake pads.

"...pestiferous bloodbath of a decade..." You ain't seen nothin' yet, if these idiots retain a majority after the 2010 Congressional election or the 2012 general election." dumbass

"Bloodbath". "You aint seen nothin' yet". Run for your lives. What a fucking pussy.

Osama's got you just where he wants you, dumbass. You're terrorized. They've convinced you of an impending bloodbath with a ball-bomb that didn't go off...and you're stil shitting your pants.

Metaphorically speaking, you wouldn't want dumbass in your foxhole. He'd be soiling himself and crying for mommy at the sound of a cow fart.

As an aside, 9-11 happened under your guy's watch. Did W commit the same grievous errors as Obama did with flight 253? Did he make us less safe? How about the anthrax shit? When did that happen? Who fucked up there?

Before you answer, understand there is no coherent way you can justify W's actions while denigrating Obama. Know why? Didn't think so.

But I, troglaman, can only hope one of you makes an attempt at doing so. Think of it as a late Christmas present for poor old trog.

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, troggy, what's your point?
Would you care to back-up any of your baseless claims?
Try citing some facts instead of conjecture.


10:03 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

"Metaphorically speaking, you wouldn't want dumbass in your foxhole. He'd be soiling himself and crying for mommy at the sound of a cow fart."

Ooooh, show me your medals, hero-boy!

Like you'd know anything about foxholes (An archic term you no doubt gleaned from the rest of your high-level 1950s military movie-watching training), you pathetic Tourette-sufferer. Well, at least it lets you collect disability off the back of the more-productive members of society, so I suppose it works out for you if not for anyone else.

No matter what happens, I don't really think you'll have to worry unduly about the prospect of sharing an emplacement with any of your betters, treating them to an all-night, screeching rendition of your crappiest Lenny Bruce impression. At least not for very long. Things have a certain way of working themselves out rather definitively in those situations.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...


"Like someone always wins the lottery? How profound."

Trogs starts the New Year with a bovine fart of his own.

Yes it is profound, someone always beats the odds and wins the lottery. Just like those soldiers in Ft. Hood (when did that happen? who fucked up there?) or those working stiffs in the World Trade Center, or the sailors on the Cole or the diplomats in the African embassies (when did they happen? who fucked up there?).

I was in New York for Christmas, spent a week, flew in and flew out. I went through security just like tens of thousands of other people who were inconvenienced but not scared.

You seem unable to make a distinction between being concerned and being a pussy. Nobody here is terrorized, nobody here is scared, nobody here is even apprehensive; we're just concerned (for lack of a better word).

So tell me, what do you know about foxholes?

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only thing troggy knows about "fox-holes", is, he thought he sniffed one once.
Turned out to be just an old Bassett hound.
Poor troggy.


12:17 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"No matter what happens, I don't really think you'll have to worry unduly about the prospect of sharing an emplacement with any of your betters, treating them to an all-night, screeching rendition of your crappiest Lenny Bruce impression." dumbass

Here's what you said, shitforbrains, "...pestiferous bloodbath of a decade..." You ain't seen nothin' yet, if these idiots retain a majority after the 2010 Congressional election or the 2012 general election." dumbass

That's what you said. Bloodbath.

So why don't you explain the "bloodbath", dumbass? What's it going to look like?

That's the thing...when you explain the 'bloodbath', you'll expose yourself as a chicken shit. And you fucking know it. You want some dumb fucker screaming Armageddon in your fox hole? He's already given up! Just like you dumbshits have. You've bought into Osama's horseshit hook, line, and sinker. You believe this cave dweller can bring us down and wipe us out.

He can't. Got that? Unless you think he can. You start putting all your resources into fighting a ghost only when you actually think he can pull it off. But he can't. Any one of you that can convince me, troglaman, that Osama can defeat the US with terrorists is already defeated.

He WANTS you to be afraid. He WANTS you to pour billions and billions into airport security. He WANTS you to expend resources in Iraq and Afghanistan chasing an elusive enemy that we can never catch. He wants you to be afraid.

Never mind that being hurt by this motherfucker is less probable than being struck by lightening.

You assholes believe this shit.

So DESPITE all your moralistic bullshit, I would choose NOT to have a foxhole companion who believed we were all going to die. I would choose NOT have my war buddy believe we cannot win.

Would you?

3:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Failed again troggy boy.
Try again.

Good grief, trying to teach that loser anything, is such a pain.


10:59 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...


He wants you to be afraid.

Are you channeling "The Fly"?

O.K., we get it, you're not afraid of Osama. But I got news for you Captain America, we're not either.

Too, neither you or I are going to be a foxhole with anyone, pussy or stud. You know we're both too for that shit, so someone else is fighting the war(s). And it looks like they're going to Yemen next.

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Arrghh! Above should read "we're both too old for that shit..."

9:06 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"And it looks like they're going to Yemen next." elrond

I'm pretty sure we're already there.

But an invasion would be so goddamn stupid. Or bombing. Whatever. So fucking stupid.

I don't have a problem with covert shit. Well, yes I do but it doesn't have to do with taking out the bad guys. I'm all for taking out the bad guys. But sending troops into Yeman? I don't think it's going to happen. At least I, troglaman, hope not.

You beginning to realize we're on the same page much of time, elrond? Probably not. Too old and all that shit.

I've been drinking the elder...castle bull works and all that. Good friggin shit.

3:31 AM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Well, Troxygen-bandit, I see your reading comprehension skills are still fully the equal of your abstract reasoning ability.

As usual, you invent what you wanted someone to have said, and then go off on a tangent responding to your own delusion.

You're wasting your time trying to convince us that your belong on mental disability SSI, none of us can do that for you. Still, I suppose it's good practice for gaming the caseworker.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...


"...we're on the same page much of the time..."

You're coming around.

"I've been drinking the elder...castle bull works and all that."

You've convinced me, I'm having a couple of Two Hearted Ales.

10:32 PM  

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