Thursday, April 19, 2007

William Rivers Pitt Defends Edwards' $400 Haircut

It looks like William Rivers Pitt now has a new political cause: defending the $400 haircut of John Edwards as you can see in his THREAD titled, "A retort to the Edwards 'Haircutgate' nonsense." It is perhaps Pitt's greatest political treatise since his overlong essay on the Third American Empire and how it all began following our victory at the 1980 Winter Olympics hockey game when we beat the Soviets. If the latter was Pitt's Hockey Puck Geopolitical Theory then I declare Pitt's latest poltical writing the Hairspray Manifesto. Of course, even Pitt shied away from even mentioning Edwards' visit to the PINK SAPPHIRE SPA of Manchester, NH for a $225 beauty treatment. You can acctually see the Pink Sapphire listed as an expense in Edwards' official disbursements FILING with the Federal Election Commission. Normally I find such filing entries to be just a bunch of dull figures. However, I never tire of scrolling down to "Pink Sapphire" to see it listed as being a payee of John Edwards campaign funds to the tune of $225. What's absolutely amazing to me is that there was NO ONE in the Edwards campaign, including the candidate himself, who thought it might be a bad idea to make an official payment to a place called the "Pink Sapphire." Didn't anyone in the Edwards campaign realize that such a payment would make Edwards the butt of jokes? Surely they should have realized that any candidate visiting a Pink Sapphire Spa would be mocked in places like, say, the DUmmie FUnnies because they offer such advertised services as as a "Super Moisterizing Facial" for $60 or a "Back Facial" for $50 (shouldn't that be called a "Tush Facial?"). So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt jump to the defense of Edwards' $400 haircut in Bolshevik Red even though it should be in Sapphire Spa Pink while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if presidential candidate Al Smith ever stubbed out his cigar long enough to avail himself of the Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatments, is in the [brackets]:

A retort to the Edwards "Haircutgate" nonsense.

[Stand by for Pitt's Hairspray Manifesto.]

Edwards got a $400 haircut paid for out of campaign funds. The yelling starts.

[But the screaming starts when Edwards got his $225 Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatments.]



[Pitt solved his own haircut expense problem recently by going for the Mr. Clean Chrome Dome look.]

1. That is what campaign funds are there for. In a campaign realm where TV rules, the grooming, personal appearance and general telegenic appeal of candidates is of vast importance. Ergo, the upkeep of said appearance is as important to a campaign as polling, ads and voter lists. Name for me, please, the last poorly-groomed candidate who got anywhere. Example:

[Al Smith who had a lousy haircut which he solved by wearing a derby all the time.]

Remember the goofy Kucinich hairdo that wound up on all those buttons? Remember when they got him a better haircut as the 2004 campaign started? Hmmm...

[Remember when you sabotaged the Kucinich campaign when you, as his press secretary, began feeding inside information to the 2004 Kerry campaign? Hmmm...]

Every candidate you've ever supported has received haircuts, makeup (for ads and debates) and other grooming/appearance things that were paid for by the campaign. Cope with it. If you still don't get it, you either have no concept of how campaigns work, or...

[I bet no male candidate has ever received makeup treatments at a place called the Pink Sapphire Spa. Cope with it.]

2. I smell manufactured outrage from those who support other candidates. There, I said it.

[I smell manufactured perfume from John Edwards' Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatment. Perhaps it was from their advertised "Touch of Youth Facial" which would set his campaign back only 65 bucks. And now we part the veiled curtains of the Pink Sapphire Spa to gently gaze upon the other DUmmie comments on this pressing political issue...]

or 3) people expect a millionaire to pay for his own damn haircuts. We saw him before he announced. He wasn't a mountain man. He had haircuts then. Its not a campaign expense. Bad judgement on his part.

[Okay, maybe Edwards should pay for his own haircuts but expecting him to pay for his Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatments is asking for too much of a sacrifice on his part.]

It maybe that haircuts that are part of an appearace have to be reported for election law purposes. He is not merely getting haircuts at home.He has had to bring people in and get them while traveling. Those have to be declared campaign expenses.He cannot just "pay for them himself".It would probably not be legal.

[Did the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Law make it illegal for multi-millionaire candidates to pay for their own haircuts and beauty treatments?]

I doubt it, since if you get a haircut or manicure on a business trip its most likely not a deductible business expense.

[Oh yeah? Well, I bet a "Face Rescue Express" beauty treatment at the Pink Sapphire Spa is definitely a legal deductible business expense.]

did you pay for your own deodorant, toothpaste, and kleenex? As a candidate you can't walk around smelling bad, with garnly teeth and snotty nose either.

[Why not? Jerry Brown did it all the time years ago?]

Has anyone verified the story or are we chasing our tail again, and are we looking at everyones financial reports?

[You can verify one of the stories by simply going to John Edwards' official FEC Disbursements WEBSITE and scroll down to "Pink Sapphire." Oh and you can also see the 800 bucks shelled out to Torrenueva Hair Designs as well but the Pink Sapphire payment is still my fave.]

the edwards expense reporting appears to be unusual. I couldn't find haircuts on Clinton, Obama, McCain or Guiliani.

[Does Guiliani even have any hair left to cut?]

What did you think about the $3100.00 Clinton give to Vilsack for president?

[That was to pay for a new Pooh Bear for Vlasic to WEAR on his head.]

really like Edwards (if I can't have Gore).But I hate seeing him with stupid moves like $800 for haircuts. He's a gorgeous man, he doesn't need a hollywood stylist.

[But maybe he needs a Pink Sapphire Beauty Treatment artiste.]

I think that haircut stuff is going to fade. Cream raises to the top.

[It's a long rise for the beauty cream to go from a Pink Sapphire Spa "Back Facial" to a regular Face Facial.]

well its true enough that they all have ugly edges but why give THEM ammunition if you don't have to.

[For the Edwards campaign to offically file a campaign disbursement to the Pink Sapphire is like handing a nuclear missile to the DUmmie FUnnies.]

People make sacrifices to send their candidates their hard-earned money; if I were on a fixed income and had scraped together the most I could afford to send to his campaign, because I believed in the importance of getting his message out and not in the importance of his hair, I'd be pissed.

[Okay I can understand that but please don't expect Edwards to make the ultimate sacrifice by paying for his Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatments. Those "Touch of Youth" Facials don't come cheap.]

My "outrage" is at Edwards' willingness to kiss AIPAC ass, not his haircut.

[Let's be polite. He gave them a "Back Facial."]

But a $400 haircut is ridiculous, effing ridiculous. Think of how much good that could have done in a place like Calcutta.

[Think of how many Egg McNuthins that haircut expense would have bought in Calcutta.]

I hope you've never spent any money on anything besides bare necessities, so Calcutta can benefit from your largesse.

[A Back Facial would be a bare necessity for Edwards, Will.]

Just wait until the Haircut Haters figure out how much make up costs. My daughter gets $150 per 1/2 hour session & $500 per day as a trained professional make up artist. And then there's the stylist, who coordinates the entire look for each occasion on the campaign trail. This haircut hating is just the tip of the iceberg.

[Correct. The DUmmie FUnnies is getting way more comedy material out of the Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatments than from the $400 haircuts.]

Some people can do their own roots and some people can't. It depend on many factors like what color you start with, what your target color is, what your underlying tones are, what texture hair you have and how much gray you have. I bet if Edwards tried he would either come out way too dark or with orangy hot roots. Then people would be bitching that he should have had a professional do it. I think he did the right thing. Dying a mans hair to look natural isn't as easy as it looks. He definitely got good service.

[How dare you spread the ugly rumor that John Edwards has his hair dyed!? Listen buddy, John Edwards is NOT gray! You got that? JOHN EDWARDS IS NOT GRAY!!!]

What would people in Calcutta do with a $400 haircut?

[Beg for a 50 cent Egg McNuthin.]

There's looking good and there's looking stupid. Putting this on the campaign tab makes Edwards look stupid and shallow.

[While putting the Pink Sapphire Spa beauty treatment on the campaign tab makes Edwards look stupid and shallow AND silly.]

he may have every right to do it, but we have every right to say it's politically tone-deaf to do so.

[Edwards made up for that haircut fiasco by a visit to the Pink Sapphire Spa.]

You'd think he would have the sense to understand how it would be used against him. It represents, on the surface, how out of touch he is with normal people. Not that republicans don't do the same or worse, but he's a smart guy, and he should know already that he will be smeared for it, and should bend over backwards to ensure that he gives them nothing to use against him.

[It seems like Edwards bent over forwards when he went to Pink Sapphire Spa for a beauty treatment.]

It's simply the unbelievability of a $400 haircut. Or millionaires building houses without implementing EVERY possible green technology. Whether it's Edwards or Obama or Kerry or Bill Gates. When are the people with the money going to be expected to use the power of their money the way they tell us we're supposed to. If Democrats don't get this through their heads in a hurry - kiss 2008 good-bye. Voters will not tolerate this kind of economic hypocrisy. Do not bitch to me about Walmart when you're spending $400 on haircuts. You clearly don't know anything about my world, even if you once did. Which doesn't preclude the fact that this IS a manufactured "issues". Our people shouldn't be so out of touch. Where was the staff telling him not to do this as well.

[And this DUmmie WINS a free facial treatment at the Pink Sapphire Spa for having a brief moment of mental clarity. (Sorry, all out of Kewpie Dolls today.)]

Hey, anybody seen the receipt? Does anybody know exactly what services were delivered/performed for the $400? And where? Where were these services delivered/performed? At a salon or on location?

[I've seen the OFFICIAL disbursement expense for the Pink Sapphire. That alone was enough to keep me laughing all day.]

And itemized accounting? Nope. Nor do I see a copy of the campaign finance report. No one knows what services/productes were purchased. He might have bought hair cuts for several people. he might (as has been alleged) have also received makeup services for a television appearance. He may have purchased a meal or meals through the salon.

[The Pink Sapphire Spa will cater while you get a Super Moisterizing Facial?]

It's up to his campaign to document the details. It surfaced in an AP story - they've had adequate time to provide a rebuttal. They've decided to ignore it and hope it goes away, reminding EVERYONE of the way John Kerry handled the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth.

[Those damn rightwingers are sure to SwiftSpa John Edwards!]

Would people prefer he went to Bush's barber? Shrub's barber, who would (and I think DID) get terminated from Supercuts for incompetence, would definitely cut John Edwards' hair for less than $400. And it would be worth every cent he paid.

[Yeah, there is something definitely lacking in Bush's character since he doesn't obsess over his hair.]

I am sure that Edwards' ASS looks much better than Bush's FACE, regardless of how artfully the hair is arranged around it.

[I am sure that could be true if Edwards got the Back Facial offered at the Pink Sapphire Spa for only $50.]

Edwards is the best damn looking guy running already,how much better does he need to look? He doesn't even have a fancy cut for crying a loud.I'm not saying he should get a f*cking Flowbee cut.I get the concept of campaigning Will.

[Do you get the concept that a visit to the Pink Sapphire Spa is a MUST for John Edwards?]

But, but going to a ladies salon makes him effeminate. Haven't you read the GOP talking points yet?

[Wrong. Edwards visit to the Pink Sapphire Spa only makes him look Metrosexual.]

Just imagine what he pays for makeup.

[According to Edwards' offical FEC Campaign Disbursements report, he paid $225 to the Pink Sapphire Spa for their makeup treatments.]

For a candidate nicknamed the "Breck Girl" a $400 haircut feeds a negative

[Would you prefer that we call him the "Pink Sapphire Spa Babe?"]

I don;t think people will be happy until they all shave their heads

[Pied Piper PItt made folks happy by going the Chrome Dome route.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have you ever been at the beach and seen a really hot looking chick? Most likely all you will end up doing is just stare at her, drooling like an idiot. If you try to talk to her you will probably embarrass yourself with your clumsy pickup lines. Well, GOOD NEWS! I now have a product guaranteed to make it EASY to pick up lots of hot looking women at the beach. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. So how does this help you pick up chicks? Simple. Just hover this helicopter kite a few feet off the ground near the hot beach chick of your choice. In most cases they will be overcome with curiosity and come over to YOU to ask about it. I've run a little experiment on this and it works on about 75% of the women (catch and release in my case since I'm married). My advice is to keep the conversation initially focused on the helicopter kite until you can later make a sneaky segue into asking her out for dinner. From that point on, you're on your own. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy which makes the perfect method for vastly enhancing your social life. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of hot dates but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED! Remember, those hot beach chicks are waiting!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.


Blogger Capitalist Infidel said...

I wish I lived in Edwards America...

8:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

$400.00 for a single haircut (wash, dye, rinse, cut, and style included. plus tip! don't forget the tip!)? No wonder Edwards doesn't pay for his campaign staff. His campaign coffers are running short of cash on hand.

Hay Edwards, here's a tip for you: Pay for your own personal expenses and save your campaign some money. You won't get elected, but you will show just a bit of fiscal responsibility. That's something all democrat party members need to do, especially if they're running for president!

11:18 AM  
Blogger JorgXMcKie said...

I'm pretty sure Edwards was just trying to spread the campaign wealth to the 'other America'. Think of the 'trickle-down' effect here. That $400 turned into around $2000 of spending by others, whereas a mere $20 cut would have only generated another $100 in spending. Edwards should be congratulated for helping the deprived.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is Exhibit A of the two Americas Edwards often speaks of...this shows his America with $400 haircuts and $225 spa treatments instead of the America he abhors and condemns where they pay that money on meaningless things like food and housing...

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anon:

*I* get $200 spa treatments. I do NOT get $400 haircuts.

These are 2 quite different things. Do not lump them together. Besides, it is the fact he paid them with contributions and not his own money that makes him and his contributors idiots.

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy your biting analysis of Pitt. He has been noticeably absent from DU in recent weeks. I thought perhaps he'd finally been convinced to enter a detox program for his drinking problem - but then he popped up with one of his stream-of-consciousness diatribes, an endless string of quotes of others.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: Pitt on DU. Lately, his mom, "Raven" has taken to jumping into any threads he starts - and the one or the other of them always make it a point to mention the fact that she is his mother. In essence, he is hiding behind her skirts, as she does a guilt trip on how bad it makes her feel if anyone criticizes her son. With an enabling, adoring mother like her, no wonder that in his mid-30's he is unattached and spends his nights boozing it up in the neighborhood tavern.

10:15 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home