Monday, June 13, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 06-13-05 ("What meds do you take?")

Are there any pharmacologists out there? I will probably need your professional help in sorting out the MANY mood-altering meds listed in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “What meds do you take?" Since the DUmmies have been spending much of their time escaping into an alternate reality, it is interesting to see what powerful drugs they have to ingest to accomplish this task. For example, I am figuring that it must take some POWERFUL acid to alter the DUmmie mind to the extent that they BEEEELEEEEEVE that John Kerry was inaugurated on Jan. 20. High drug dosage is so common in DUmmieland that I am surprised they haven’t established a DUmmie Pharmacy to distribute the meds necessary to enter their own alternate reality. The only “med” your humble correspondent takes currently (other than prescription blood pressure pills) is the non-prescription and VERY SMOOOOOTH slow aged Flor de Caña rum. Perhaps the DUmmies should think of switching to Flor de Caña rum. Not only would they pleasantly mellow out, but a few of them might actually relax enough to get a slight bit of common sense in their system. So let us now view the pharmacologically mind-altered DUmmie posts in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, anxiously awaiting the warm glow of his evening dosage of slow aged Flor de Caña, is in the [brackets]:

What meds do you take?

[As mentioned above, only a couple of glasses of slow aged Flor de Caña rum per evening. Right now my “prescription” is for the 7 year old rum but perhaps someday I will become worthy enough qualify for the 12 year old Flor de Caña rum or maybe, just maybe, I can even think about aspiring to the 18 year old Flor de Caña rum. However, let us now view the LOOONG list of mind altering meds you DUmmies are desperately ingesting to kill the pain of our current REPUBLICAN reality.[

Don't answer if it is too personal; I understand. I have some Clonazepam on hand for when I get asthma/anxiety attacks. .5 mg is very weak... but I'm rocking 2 of the suckers right now so I'm at 1mg as we speak. Fairly relaxing since it is a benzodiapene.

[When the pain of seeing George W. Bush in the White House becomes too great, just pull the axe off the wall and break open that emergency bottle of benzodiapene.]

here we go... i hate drug names... so... unfriendly...minocycleine so i dont get all pimple-y and zyrtec so i can breathe during the months where everythign isnt frozen over.

[Zyrtec is also great for helping you to perform simple body functions during the months when your mind is frozen over.]

I take tons of medicine.Here's the list: Paxil for depression,Xanax for anxiety/panic attack,Dalmane to sleep,Ventolin for asthma,Trazodone as anti-depressor and sleeping aid and Advair for asthma.Plus some generic painkillers for chronic pain.I'm only 37 but my grand father who is over a 100 is in better shape than me.Pretty depressing isn't it.

[May I forward that EXTENSIVE med list over to Pied Piper Pitt since he hasn’t slept since April due to extreme anxiety over defrauding his fellow DUmmies by cheerleading them into donating to Andy Stephenson’s non-existent pancreatic cancer operation?]

Oh geez, where to begin. I am an exercise in polypharmacy.

Synthroid for hypothyroidism

Topamax for mood stabilization and migraine

Verapamil for migraine prophylaxis

Imitrex and Amerge PRN as migraine abortives

Vicodin PRN as a migraine rescue med

Percocet PRN for menstrual cramps

I also take various OTCs as needed and daily vitamin/mineral/other supplements.

[Perhaps you should simply cover your body with a giant prophylaxis to blot out the unpleasant reality of a REPUBLICAN White House, Congress, and Judiciary.]

just a handful

Diclofenac--arthritis prednisone--arthritis methtrexate—arthritis

Verapamil--blood pressure Dyrenium--water pill

[When Cheney is elected in ’08 you might want to consider adding cyanide to that list.]

migraine & allergy meds:

migraine prophylaxis:

singulair (normally prescribed for asthma, which i do not have)

petadolex (an herb)


migraine prn:

zomig (i rotate between zomig and imitrex when my body adjusts)

stadol (narcotic, only if zomig fails)

allergy prophylaxis:


allergy prn:


[Methinks that on Election Night of 2008, you’re going to have to TRIPLE your med dosage for migraine.]

methadone- 60-70mg daily for chronic pain

flexeril- 50-60mg daily

prednisone- 10mg every other day

ambien- occasionaly for help sleeping

[Methadone? Isn’t that a med that is supposed to substitute for heroin? In any case, I think you will be shooting up heroin directly into your arm on Election Night 2008 in an attempt to kill the pain. But don’t worry. Susan Estrich will be in even WORSE shape than you.]

I'm sure if I went and got checked out I'd be prescribed half a dozen or so medications for depression and anxiety, but I prefer to wallow in my own misery.

[That’s the spirit! Face the incredible pain of this country’s dominant conservatism without resorting to any of those pansy meds.]

I Got You All Beat:

Daily: Cozaar, Tolinase, Actos, Lasix, Lopid, Elavil, Buspar, Topamax, Vicodin, Lomotil, QVar, Atrovent, Albuteral

As Needed: Norco, Fiorinal, Maxalt, Imitrex Stat Dose, Phenergran, Ditropan, Rantidine, Flexeril, Soma

Often on: Cipro and/or Nitrofuratoin


Anti-depressants - for me - all seem to make sex less enjoyable, which in turn causes even more depression. Is this just me, or do other people experience the same thing? The problem here in the UK is that doctors are overworked and far less inclined to spend time tweaking meds until they get things just right for a patient, which I find incredibly frustrating

[But…but I thought Britain had this WONDERFUL nationalized health care system that all you DUmmies seem to be boosting! And now you tell me that the doctors in the UK nationalized health care system don’t have much time for their patients. I am so depressed hearing this that I need to pop a prozac.]

i was on Clonazepam, Trazadone, zoloft, valium, wellbutrian and several others. I had really bad depression after the birth of my child and my inlaws didn't help. They told me that I was crazy and making it up cause I wanted attention. I went to several docs and they had me drugged up. I was so high that I was almost drooling. I finally got sick of it all and quite all them. I really do need an anti-depressant but I am afraid to be a zombie again.

[Newsflash, DUmmie earthmama! You’re STILL drooling.]

I don't like the idea of being hooked on chemicals for life, basically. What if there's a terrorist attack/nuclear winter and I can't get it? What if there's a recall because it's really ruining my liver (or whatever)? I wish I could find some kind of natural remedy, or be cured or something. But it's way easier to take my medicine and be on to other things.

[My suggestion is to build a vast underground fallout shelter to store all your meds.]

Ziac (keeps my BP down)

Cymbalta (an SSRI)

Gabapentin (add'l depression treatment)

Prevacid (keeps my gorge from rising, all you Shakespeare fans)

I used to take Vioxx. Rasser frasser... I now take Aleve and Tylenol as if they were M&Ms. I honestly don't know what I'd prefer -- increased risk of heart attack, or this f*cking pain.

[Look at the bright side of it, DUmmie bertha katzenengel. At least you are no longer a Vioxx addict. Now take two Tylenols to kill your “f*cking pain.”]

Duragesic, Lortab, Soma, Naproxen and Ambien...There's more. Can't remember them all for obvious reasons.

[The obvious reason being that your meds have killed your long and short term memory or would be able to produce your extensive med list.]


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