Thursday, June 23, 2011

Alan Grayson posts "Green Lantern" rant for KOmmies



Fatter than a pile of bullsh*t . . .
More powerful than a loco moonbat . . .
Able to heap all bad things in a single Bush . . .

Look! Up on the screen!
It's a blog! It's a prog!
No, it's . . . GRAY RANTER!

Yes, GRAY RANTER, strange visitor to the Daily KOs, who comes to KOmmieland with powers of insanity far beyond those of moron man, and who, disguised as Alan "Dick" Grayson, ill-mannered one-term representative from Outlandish, Florida, fights a never-ending battle for speaking TRUTH to POWER in an EMBARRASSING WAY!

That's right, folks, defeated proggie icon Alan Grayson has just posted a stupid leftist rant (redundant, I know) over in KOmmieland, in this THREAD, "Green Lantern." Grayson hops on the current Green Lantern movie to haul out a bit of obscure dialogue from a Green Lantern comic book from 40 years ago, in order to launch into a political rant against Rethuglicans. Grayson must also be the Elongated Man, because that's quite a stretch.

Grayson uses the comic book dialogue to get into his political rant, but the FUnnie thing is, most of the KOmmie KOmmenters then spend their time talking about all sorts of Green Lantern minutiae INSTEAD OF Grayson's political point! Grayson was looking for responses from Thoughtful Progressive Person, but instead he got Comic Book Guy! Hee! Hee!

So let us now join GRAY RANTER and the KOmic Book KOmmies, today in Green Lantern Green, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--wondering if GRAY RANTER needs a sidekick, another ex-congressman who likes to wear tights and a cape--is in the [brackets]:

Green Lantern
by Alan Grayson


[GRAY RANTER
by Alan "Dick" Grayson]

The movie Green Lantern opened on Friday, to mixed reviews.

[The moonbat Alan Grayson lost in November, to sighs of relief.]

Maybe the reviews would have been better if the movie had included this powerful exchange, from Green Lantern #76:

African-American Man: I’ve been readin’ about you . . . How you work for the blue skins . . . and how on a planet someplace you helped out the orange skins . . . and you done considerable for the purple skins! Only there’s skins you never bother with – the black skins! I want to know . . . how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Green Lantern!

Green Lantern: I . . . can’t . . . .

[Grayson quotes a piece of dialogue from a Green Lantern comic book from 1970, the first issue in the "new direction." Under a new head writer, Green Lantern got "social relevance," and thus became boring and pedantic. DC goes PC. But little Alan, an 11-year-old insufferable brat at the time, probably thought it was cool.]

I may never have the chance to talk to George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, or any of the other Masters of the Universe who led and misled our country for eight long years. Nor may I ever have the chance to speak to Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, or any of the other savage right-wing loons who want to finish the job that Bush et al. started. But if I could, I might say:

Me: I’ve been readin’ about you . . . How you work for multinational corporations like Big Oil. . . . And how you say you built all those roads and schools and bridges in some country in Asia. And in some other country in the Middle East someplace you got rid of some dictator. Only there’s one country you never bother with – America! I want to know . . . how come?! Answer me that, Mr. Flag-Waiving Patriot!

Them: I . . . can’t . . . .

[Notice how GRAY RANTER spells "Flag-Waving" as "Flag-Waiving," thus revealing his true colors.]

For a generation now, we have seen the heartless, callous erosion and destruction of all the things that make you a member of the middle class in America:

A job.

A home.

A car.

The chance to see a doctor when you are sick.

A pension or retirement account.

Social Security and Medicare.


[Hey, GRAY RANTER, maybe you should take on THE CHOKER, aka BIG GOVERNMENT, the real DC villain who taxes and spends half our money, drives jobs away, and loads heavy burdens on our backs. Whose side are you on, anyway?]

And we’ve seen them replaced by endless war, falling home values, no pensions, lower wages, and now what Karl Marx called a “reserve army of the unemployed” – to keep wages down forever.

[Like the Karl Marx quote there, GRAY RANTER. Nice touch. We see where you're coming from.]

Even after only two years in office, as one out of 435 in the House, I can point to a lot of things that I did to . . .

[. . . embarrass myself and my party to no end, which led to our humiliating defeat last November.]

I look at our so-called leaders on the other side of the aisle, and I see nothing like that. Only a perverse delight in eliminating programs that help my fellow Americans in need.

[FRANKly, I think the Democrats have cornered the market on perverse delight.]

The next time you see one of them -- at a town hall meeting, in their plush offices, or just on the street – ask them this: “What have you done to help the people? Answer me that!”

If they’re honest, they’ll say what Green Lantern said: “I can’t.”

In brightest day,
In blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil’s might,
Beware my power: Green Lantern’s Light.


[Come, KOmmie Kid
And DUmmie Ant,
For social justice we must chant!
Let those who answer that they can't
Beware my power: Gray Ranter's rant!]

[Thank you, GRAY RANTER. Now let's see how well the point of your article registered with Thoughtful Progressive Person . . .]

The best Green Lantern was in the animated Justice League. Hawkgirl was also awesome.

[Uh, I'm not sure that's exactly the POINT. . . .]

Hal Jordan is the best Green Lantern. No one else comes close.

[Jordan RULES!]

Alan Scott for me! The very FIRST Green Lantern. . . .

[What about Alan Grayson? He's the Gray Ranter, you know.]

Gotta say I'm a big fan of The Tick. . . .

[What about The Dick, Alan "Dick" Grayson?]

That being said, I must admit that I was unimpressed by the preview I saw of "Green Lantern" a couple of weeks ago. The trailer for "Captain America," OTOH, looked really cool.

[Alan Grayson is more impressed by Capitan Venezuela.]

John *is* the best Green Lantern but he was best in Mosaic, not in JLA (or the current comics). I'll take John the architect over John the Marine any day.

[What was Grayson saying in his post . . . back there . . . somewhere. . . ?]

That's the Green Lantern named John Stewart (oddly enough), and he wasn't just on TV. He's one of four (maybe five, if you count the cetacean from an alternate future--or six, if you count the Golden Age...sheesh, it's complicated) Green Lanterns from Earth. The others are Hal Jordan (whom Ryan Reynolds fails to portray accurately or adequately in the movie), Guy Gardner and Kyle Raynor. I'm a fan from way back, even before the original Crisis. And I've always thought the John Stewart Green Lantern was the baddest of GL bad-asses. Next movie (as if!), they should give the ring to him.

[Comic Book Guy has arrived.]

i honestly didnt care much for green latern until i saw justice league and that character, much like sisko I always seem to like the "black" versions of a popular character.

[Once you've had black. . . .]

Mr. Grayson. Come to Indiana, there are some way-under-cover progressives here (we need your outstanding honesty and courage to speak the truth). Perhaps there will be a future opportunity to vote for you (sigh).

[Speak truth to power in Indiana, Alan! Grayson for mayor of Gary!]

I might still have a copy of that issue from the Neal Adams period. I'll have to check.

[We're back to the comic book again.]

Oh noes.... Tipped and rec'd, of course, but..........I hate to see a quote from Karl Marx, here, in an otherwise slam dunk campaign letter from a slam dunk guy. Alan Grayson does NOT need this kind of "help".

[That'll leave some Marx.]

Eventually supplanted by Kyle Raynor. The GL who can acknowledge his own fear, and therefore helps to reboot the Corps when a Parallax possessed Hal Jordan destroys Oa. This leads directly into the Lantern Wars, where Hal Jordan elects to become the White Lantern powered by Life rather than Willpower, and the most absolutist Human GL (whose name eludes me) becomes a Red Lantern powered by Rage (much like Sinestro before him, when his authoritarian streak overpowers him, he betrays the GL philosophy entirely). I believe Kyle is then a Green after that point, and John Stewart becomes a Blue Lantern (powered by Hope, I sh*t you not).

[I sh*t you not!]

No, no, NO! Hal Jordan became infected by Paralax, the yellow light of fear and destroyed the Green Lantern Corps. Kyle Rayner became the new and, for a while, last Green Lantern. Then he rebooted the GL Corps and Hal Jordan returned to life after The Spectre possessed him to purge his soul of Paralax. Then came the Sinestro Corp war, where Sinestro created a counter-corps to the GL Corps based on the yellow light of fear. Hal Jordan briefly possessed a yellow ring of fear during this time. Then came Blackest Night/the War of Light, where in addition to the green and yellow corps, the red corps of rage, orange corps or green, blue corps or hope, indigo corps of compassion and violent corps of love all rose up. As well as the Black corps of death, powered by the force of death itself. Hal Jordan and Sinestro both briefly possessed the white light of life, but relinquished it because they couldn't handle it. Kyle Rayner also became infected by Paralax, like Hal did. Guy Gardner, the 3rd Green lantern, was forced to wear a Red Ring, which controls Rage. But he was eventually purged of the red ring on the planet Mogo, which is a living planet and also a member of the Green Lantern Corps. After THAT, the War of the Green Lanterns occurred (and it ongoing right now). A fallen Gaurdian named Krona infected the entire GL Corps with yellow light, and only Hal, Kyle, Guy and John Stewart, as well as Ganthet, a former Guardian himself, were able to avoid the yellow light, since they'd all previously experienced it and built up a defense against it. Because of this, they couldn't use their rings, so they took on other power rights. Hal once again has taken on the yellow ring. Kyle is the blue ring of hope. Guy is back to the red ring of rage and John is the indigo ring of compassion. I think as of the most recent issue, they managed to purge the green central power battery of the yellow infection and have restored most of the GL Corps to it's sanity. AND THAT'S WHERE THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW.

[AND THAT'S WHERE THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW, ALAN! Aren't you GLAD you posted your thoughtful rant against Republicans here in KOmmieland? Really worked, didn't it, Gray Ranter?]


6 Comments:

Anonymous Corona said...

Heh heh heh heh. Signifying...nothing. What a bunch of nerds.

Nothing really mattress.

9:59 AM  
Blogger TANSTAAFL said...

"Grayson quotes a piece of dialogue from a Green Lantern comic book from 1970"

SRSLY?

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alan Grayson. Why does that name sound vaguely familiar?

Did he used to be somebody?

6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAAAAAA!

Ohhhh! (sniff) That has GOT to hurt the Gray Ranter to the very bone!

The Dickster gives out with his best "calculated to appeal to the nutroots comic book crowd" spiel, only to have the whole thing degenerate into an argument over who was the best Green Lanter!

Talk about missing the target!

I now have a much fuller understanding of the word "beclowned".

What a maroon!

7:33 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

Green Lantern, the movie: panned by the critics.
Alan Grayson, the Congressman: dumped by the voters.

Dumbass.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Desperately trying to keep himself relevant.

If he wasn't such a douchewaffle, I could muster a little pity for him.

7:38 AM  

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