DUmmies declare their independence!
It's April Fools Day, and so what better place to go than DUmmieland, where EVERY day is Fools Day! Today we find the DUmmies declaring their indepedence--yes, I'm not kidding--their independence from these Conservative States of America. You see, DUmmie white_wolf has written up his own version of the Declaration of Indepedence, and other DUmmies are putting their John Halfcocked to it! We find it here in this THREAD, "Time for a new Declaration of Independence."
And then there's another DUmmie declaring a different kind of independence, but we'll get to that after this first part.
So let us travel to Idiot-penned-it Hall in PhilaDUmmia, where the draft meets the daft in Redcoat Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if the newly independent DUmmies will pick William Pitt the Drunker to be their prime minister, is in the [brackets]:
Time for a new Declaration of Independence.
[Yes, DUmmie white_wolf, it's time once again to BREAK AWAY from a distant, oppressive, intrusive, overbearing, over-taxing government! . . . No, wait, that's what you WANT!]
It is time for the working class to rise up and declare their independence from the Plutocracy that has utterly destroyed our Republic.
[Down with Pluto! Up Uranus!]
Here is my version.
[It's kind of the opposite of the original Declaration, since I want BIGGER government and HIGHER taxes, but other than that, I hope you like it!]
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable Rights, that are among these are . . .
[Well, I notice that you've changed a couple things, white_wolf: You've gone with the PC "people" instead of "men." And, like our esteemed president, you've left out who it is that has "created" us and "endowed" us, namely, "BY THEIR CREATOR." . . . But I'm niggling now. Let's see what kind of "unalienable rights" you are declaring . . .]
the right to healthcare no matter their financial status . . .
[What about food? Isn't food rather basic to good health? So let's put in there something about free food.]
the right to democratically control control the corporations they work for . . .
[Corporations, you work for US now! WE want to be the big bosses and push YOU around!]
the right of senior citizens to enjoy their final years in dignity and comfort . . .
[Till we euthanize them when they become a burden.]
the right of universal education for all in the schools and university of our nation . . .
[Universal brainwashing for all!]
the right to have a congress that is accountable to them and not to corporations.
[But what if the people decide to--shudder--elect RETHUGLICANS?? Can't have that!]
Below is our list of grievances . . .
[Thereupon follows the Airing of Grievances, which basically consist of the government not enacting the Communist Manifesto.]
Below are our demands . . .
[Single-payer healthcare, higher taxes, nationalizing of industries, prosecuting Bush and Cheney--the standard stuff that our Founding Parents fought for. . . . So there's the DUmmie Declaration, now let's see what the reaction is . . .]
It is a start!
[But we need to add something about free marijuana.]
[What if the government doesn't meet our reasonable demands? DUmmie white_wolf replies . . .]
Revolution if necessary. How long can we tolerate living as serfs under the heel of capitalism?
What kind of revolution? . . . The kind where you sit at your computer and shout "REVOLUTION!!!!" and perhaps meaner things too.
[Give me liberty or give me . . . Doritos.]
I do think we should organize and march on Washington.
[March Madness for April Fools!]
So, at the end of the day...the remedy is through the political and electoral process, which, oddly enough, is precisely the remedy we already have.
[DING DING DING! You, DUmmie SDuderstadt, win today's Kewpie Doll for this Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®!]
A voluntary "conscious capitalism" revolution! Where all business owners will suddenly volunteer to give up their profits in favor of fairness and goodwill to all!
[And unicorns will fart rainbows and sparkles!]
I have absolutely no desire to see a "great socialist experiment" put into action. My most immediate hang-up would be the turning over of businesses to the workers.
[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]
If we turn over businesses to the workers...and the workers want to collectively bargain... with themselves? And they don't give themselves what they want, they'll strike until they give into their own demands? I'm a little confused...
[OK, OK, so there a few details to work out. . . .]
This is going nowhere.
[So is your Declaration, white_wolf.]
There's the easy part - posting a semi-plagiarized manifesto anonymously on a discussion board. Now comes the hard part. Have fun taking on the 82nd airborne & Co....
[We demand they surrender! If they don't, it's a grievance!]
Look, dude, when you post something titled "a new declaration of independence," you are staking out rhetorical ground that inherently suggest violent means to achieve political ends - just like the last time a 'declaration of independence' was issued on the North American continent, and we got Bunker Hill, Lexington, Trenton, Saratoga, Valley Forge, Yorktown & all the rest.
[In DUmmieland, we get Bunk-on-a-DUnghill.]
[But now, as I hinted in the opening, someone else is declaring independence. Independence from DUmmielnad, that is! Yes, it is none other than Drama Queen Nadin, nadinbrzezinski, who had just come back IN to DUmmieland, but just as soon has departed! AGAIN! The bullying and the stalking, the haters--it's just too much!! See it here in this THREAD, "Gotta ask, why is it that the EXACT same people (and milk)," and in this THREAD, "THanks for proving why I cannot post here" . . .]
Gotta ask, why is it that the EXACT same people (and milk) are allowed to get away with bullying and stalking?
[They hate your milk, Nadin.]
I just want to give the last thing about that pesky milk. Suffice it to say... yes we now have Iodine in milk as predicted, the radiation is still spewing in Japan...
[As predicted . . . by YOU, Know-it-all Nadin! You are the world's foremost authority--on iodine, on milk, on spewing, you name it!]
I expect to be belittled, and attacked. That is the new normal in DU.
[When will they ever learn??]
So that is why I cannot post here.
[nadinbrzezinski is DECLARING HER INDEPENDENCE! Well, after she posts a little more yet . . .]
Suffice it to say... I was right about the milk, Oh and staking now will not do an iota of difference.
[Not one iota of iodine!]
Such is life... ce la vie.
[Vie for Vendetta--against Nadin!]
Oh and once again to my THIRD WORLD SCIENCE TEACHERS... GRACIAS. Oh and let's see what is the time space record on this.
[Oh and I think you mean third GRADE science teachers, nadin. GARCIAS.]
good grief. what is wrong with you? You know this will be locked. Why do it?
[Secret: DUmmie FUnnies is paying her.]
I actually advised people to stalk up on shelf stable milk and I got four moths worth of it here.
[Triage Milk to feed four moths? I think you need to "stalk" up some more, nadin.]
Just because some trace has been found thousands of times below the acceptable limits does not vindicate you.
[HATER! STALKER! BULLY!]
[The death cloud of moderation from Skins's Island wafts over this thread. But is nadin done? Noooo, not yet!! One more parting thread . . .]
THanks for proving why I cannot post here
[No, thank YOU, nadin!]
[You're playing with us, nadin, aren't you? There follows nearly 300 replies, with nadin herself making a bunch of them.]
people disagreeing with you in multiple threads is not stalking.
[LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEEEEAR YOU!!!]
A blaze of glory.
Don't go. We need you.
[You're the iodine in our milk, nadin! We need you! Don't let the haters win!]
I do not blame people for not understanding the metric system... I hate standard by the way.
[You STUPID, DUMB Americans! You cannot even understand the metric system, like I, nadinbrzezinski, do! If you did, then you would know what I meant about the iodine! Get WITH it, you people! But . . . it's too late. I really must get going now. I've reached my tipping point. I'm crossing the Rubicon. It's eschatolgoy, baby! I'm OUTTA here! Well, not quite yet . . .]
Cali, you are still on ingore. . . .
[Nadin cannot ignore the people on her iggy list. OK, NOW she's ready to depart. . . . Or is she?]
And yes it was pretty much LORD OF THE FLIES... in all it's glory. Oh and real call outs are allowed to stand even when alerted on.
[Alright, nadin, NOW?]
ignore don't work... when you have the same group of people piking on any thread to make sure it gets locked.
[DU, I just can't quit you!]
The sky is blue, they will come like vultures, and yes I have raised this a few times.
[Vie for Vultures!]
and good bye to you, Won't bother with the ignore, WHO THE F*** CARES?
[Ignore the ignore! To which someone replies . . .]
The Mods probably have us all on ignore . . .
[Not quite . . .]
[And she's GONE! Free at last, nadin, free at last!]