Friday, April 01, 2011

DUmmies declare their independence!

It's April Fools Day, and so what better place to go than DUmmieland, where EVERY day is Fools Day! Today we find the DUmmies declaring their indepedence--yes, I'm not kidding--their independence from these Conservative States of America. You see, DUmmie white_wolf has written up his own version of the Declaration of Indepedence, and other DUmmies are putting their John Halfcocked to it! We find it here in this THREAD, "Time for a new Declaration of Independence."

And then there's another DUmmie declaring a different kind of independence, but we'll get to that after this first part.

So let us travel to Idiot-penned-it Hall in PhilaDUmmia, where the draft meets the daft in Redcoat Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if the newly independent DUmmies will pick William Pitt the Drunker to be their prime minister, is in the [brackets]:

Time for a new Declaration of Independence.

[Yes, DUmmie white_wolf, it's time once again to BREAK AWAY from a distant, oppressive, intrusive, overbearing, over-taxing government! . . . No, wait, that's what you WANT!]

It is time for the working class to rise up and declare their independence from the Plutocracy that has utterly destroyed our Republic.

[Down with Pluto! Up Uranus!]

Here is my version.

[It's kind of the opposite of the original Declaration, since I want BIGGER government and HIGHER taxes, but other than that, I hope you like it!]

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable Rights, that are among these are . . .

[Well, I notice that you've changed a couple things, white_wolf: You've gone with the PC "people" instead of "men." And, like our esteemed president, you've left out who it is that has "created" us and "endowed" us, namely, "BY THEIR CREATOR." . . . But I'm niggling now. Let's see what kind of "unalienable rights" you are declaring . . .]

the right to healthcare no matter their financial status . . .

[What about food? Isn't food rather basic to good health? So let's put in there something about free food.]

the right to democratically control control the corporations they work for . . .

[Corporations, you work for US now! WE want to be the big bosses and push YOU around!]

the right of senior citizens to enjoy their final years in dignity and comfort . . .

[Till we euthanize them when they become a burden.]

the right of universal education for all in the schools and university of our nation . . .

[Universal brainwashing for all!]

the right to have a congress that is accountable to them and not to corporations.

[But what if the people decide to--shudder--elect RETHUGLICANS?? Can't have that!]

Below is our list of grievances . . .

[Thereupon follows the Airing of Grievances, which basically consist of the government not enacting the Communist Manifesto.]

Below are our demands . . .

[Single-payer healthcare, higher taxes, nationalizing of industries, prosecuting Bush and Cheney--the standard stuff that our Founding Parents fought for. . . . So there's the DUmmie Declaration, now let's see what the reaction is . . .]

It is a start!

[But we need to add something about free marijuana.]


[What if the government doesn't meet our reasonable demands? DUmmie white_wolf replies . . .]

Revolution if necessary. How long can we tolerate living as serfs under the heel of capitalism?

[Serfs up!]

What kind of revolution? . . . The kind where you sit at your computer and shout "REVOLUTION!!!!" and perhaps meaner things too.

[Give me liberty or give me . . . Doritos.]

I do think we should organize and march on Washington.

[March Madness for April Fools!]

So, at the end of the day...the remedy is through the political and electoral process, which, oddly enough, is precisely the remedy we already have.

[DING DING DING! You, DUmmie SDuderstadt, win today's Kewpie Doll for this Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®!]

A voluntary "conscious capitalism" revolution! Where all business owners will suddenly volunteer to give up their profits in favor of fairness and goodwill to all!

[And unicorns will fart rainbows and sparkles!]

I have absolutely no desire to see a "great socialist experiment" put into action. My most immediate hang-up would be the turning over of businesses to the workers.


If we turn over businesses to the workers...and the workers want to collectively bargain... with themselves? And they don't give themselves what they want, they'll strike until they give into their own demands? I'm a little confused...

[OK, OK, so there a few details to work out. . . .]

This is going nowhere.

[So is your Declaration, white_wolf.]

There's the easy part - posting a semi-plagiarized manifesto anonymously on a discussion board. Now comes the hard part. Have fun taking on the 82nd airborne & Co....

[We demand they surrender! If they don't, it's a grievance!]

Look, dude, when you post something titled "a new declaration of independence," you are staking out rhetorical ground that inherently suggest violent means to achieve political ends - just like the last time a 'declaration of independence' was issued on the North American continent, and we got Bunker Hill, Lexington, Trenton, Saratoga, Valley Forge, Yorktown & all the rest.

[In DUmmieland, we get Bunk-on-a-DUnghill.]

[But now, as I hinted in the opening, someone else is declaring independence. Independence from DUmmielnad, that is! Yes, it is none other than Drama Queen Nadin, nadinbrzezinski, who had just come back IN to DUmmieland, but just as soon has departed! AGAIN! The bullying and the stalking, the haters--it's just too much!! See it here in this THREAD, "Gotta ask, why is it that the EXACT same people (and milk)," and in this THREAD, "THanks for proving why I cannot post here" . . .]

Gotta ask, why is it that the EXACT same people (and milk) are allowed to get away with bullying and stalking?

[They hate your milk, Nadin.]

I just want to give the last thing about that pesky milk. Suffice it to say... yes we now have Iodine in milk as predicted, the radiation is still spewing in Japan...

[As predicted . . . by YOU, Know-it-all Nadin! You are the world's foremost authority--on iodine, on milk, on spewing, you name it!]

I expect to be belittled, and attacked. That is the new normal in DU.

[When will they ever learn??]

So that is why I cannot post here.

[nadinbrzezinski is DECLARING HER INDEPENDENCE! Well, after she posts a little more yet . . .]

Suffice it to say... I was right about the milk, Oh and staking now will not do an iota of difference.

[Not one iota of iodine!]

Such is life... ce la vie.

[Vie for Vendetta--against Nadin!]

Oh and once again to my THIRD WORLD SCIENCE TEACHERS... GRACIAS. Oh and let's see what is the time space record on this.

[Oh and I think you mean third GRADE science teachers, nadin. GARCIAS.]

good grief. what is wrong with you? You know this will be locked. Why do it?

[Secret: DUmmie FUnnies is paying her.]

I actually advised people to stalk up on shelf stable milk and I got four moths worth of it here.

[Triage Milk to feed four moths? I think you need to "stalk" up some more, nadin.]

Just because some trace has been found thousands of times below the acceptable limits does not vindicate you.



[The death cloud of moderation from Skins's Island wafts over this thread. But is nadin done? Noooo, not yet!! One more parting thread . . .]

THanks for proving why I cannot post here

[No, thank YOU, nadin!]

Good bye.

[You're playing with us, nadin, aren't you? There follows nearly 300 replies, with nadin herself making a bunch of them.]

people disagreeing with you in multiple threads is not stalking.


A blaze of glory.


Don't go. We need you.

[You're the iodine in our milk, nadin! We need you! Don't let the haters win!]

I do not blame people for not understanding the metric system... I hate standard by the way.

[You STUPID, DUMB Americans! You cannot even understand the metric system, like I, nadinbrzezinski, do! If you did, then you would know what I meant about the iodine! Get WITH it, you people! But . . . it's too late. I really must get going now. I've reached my tipping point. I'm crossing the Rubicon. It's eschatolgoy, baby! I'm OUTTA here! Well, not quite yet . . .]

Cali, you are still on ingore. . . .

[Nadin cannot ignore the people on her iggy list. OK, NOW she's ready to depart. . . . Or is she?]

And yes it was pretty much LORD OF THE FLIES... in all it's glory. Oh and real call outs are allowed to stand even when alerted on.

[Alright, nadin, NOW?]

ignore don't work... when you have the same group of people piking on any thread to make sure it gets locked.

[DU, I just can't quit you!]

The sky is blue, they will come like vultures, and yes I have raised this a few times.

[Vie for Vultures!]

and good bye to you, Won't bother with the ignore, WHO THE F*** CARES?

[Ignore the ignore! To which someone replies . . .]

The Mods probably have us all on ignore . . .

[Not quite . . .]


[And she's GONE! Free at last, nadin, free at last!]


Anonymous Corona said...

[Serfs up!]
Heh heh.

What is it about milk that Nadin needs so friggin much of it? If she has kids I'm sure she'll breast feed them till they're 30. ("bitty")

3:53 PM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

"white_wolf" has written a "new Declaration of Independence" that sets new lows for sloppy thinking, incoherence and bad grammar.

In any event, it's not a "new Declaration of Independence" but rather a "Declaration of Total Dependence on Government" as the already entitled DUmmies demand even more entitlements and free stuff.

Thomas Jefferson would not be amused.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFL! That DUmmie thread was priceless. Thank you, I needed a laugh.

8:58 PM  
Anonymous 98ZJUSMC said...

That thread contained an example of every mental illness in the book.

But, not being a troglatarded Acid Casualty, I'm not expert on such matters.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Bite me, jarhead.

OK, since PJinc continues to pick topics that are either inane and/or irrelevant, let me give you a...

***GUS UPDATE*** (what the hell)

His birthday is days away. A year old. He's approaching 80 pds. He's already wearing doggy Birkenstocks. And when it's cold outside, we wrap him up in hemp clothing, little shoes and hats and shit, then send him out to eat his designer lamb and rice meal (which we've cleverly hidden throughout the forest dressed up as squirrels - we're getting ready for the squirrel invasion). When he returns, we burn his little hats and shoes while inhaling.

And...he's learned yoga and applied to Harvard...Liberal Arts. I, troglaman, can't tell you how proud I am.

Gus is actually a big, happy, sloppy, lughead. I'm sure you've seen the likes.

And, by the way, I like Trader Joes. I pass one daily and shop frequently (though not with the alacrity of PJ). You've never seen a frozen foods selection like theirs...ever. It's a really fun store to shop at.

Miss the liberal, gay, progressive, atheistic, west-coast market-place, PJ?

Of course you don't.

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

troglaman, your posts look like you're angry even when you write about things that make you happy. Must be a bummer to be you.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone needs to remind the libtards that a true right does not impose an obligation on someone else. A "right" to an education means that instructors will have to be conscripted if no one wants to teach; a "right" to healthcare means that doctors will have to be conscripted if no one wants to practice.

So, troggy's "rights" mean slavery for someone else.

8:59 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"troglaman, your posts look like you're angry even when you write about things that make you happy. Must be a bummer to be you." troglanon

Really? How insightful!

How might you imagine your posts look to me?

Your inner preacher is a moron, troglanon. puppy makes me happy. He does. Especially when we put on his Birkenstocks. Ever seen a big happy sloppy lughead lab clomping around the house in Birkenstocks? I didn't think so. Believe me, it's a happy moment.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Someone needs to remind the libtards that a true right does not impose an obligation on someone else." troglanon

Who said it did? You're imagining things. And by the way, does the right to drive on the road impose an obligation on others not to crash into you? Does the right to walk down the sidewalk impose an obligation on others not to shoot you, trip you, throw rocks at you or slap your happy ass back to where it belongs?

You've once again proven yourself an idiot of the first degree, troglanon. You are the envy of your peers. Enjoy it...and keep it coming.

1:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Your inner preacher is a moron, troglanon."-troglaman

I happen to know that you've never met my inner preacher. Although since neither I nor my inner preacher were preaching to you then it makes no difference.

Also, I find it curious that you seem to think lending your "name" to my anonymous post somehow is seen by you as an insult. Do you think that little of yourself?

Good for you and your dog, despite your bewildering assumptions about what I've "ever seen". Take care of him, it's flea and tick season.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I happen to know that you've never met my inner preacher." troglanon

But I have. Would you like to meet him?

"troglaman, your posts look like you're angry even when you write about things that make you happy. Must be a bummer to be you."

There you go. This is your inner preacher. Frankly, he sounds more like a braying donkey to me.

But you were about to tell me how wise and profound your inner preacher is...let's hear it. If it's good for you it HAS to be good for us peons. Share your secret. It's only right.

12:14 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Also, I find it curious that you seem to think lending your "name" to my anonymous post somehow is seen by you as an insult." troglanon

When did I say it was an insult? I'll save you the trouble...never. As a matter of fact, I only bestow the 'trog' moniker on those I secretly desire. Consider yourself lucky.

(address your inquiries to jackin jerry)

Sooo...the little peanut brain that decided to be insulted was yours, right? Is there any other plausible explanation? No.

That makes you the pussy. Sorry! But I like that about you. Strangely. Keep it up.

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two fussy replies? I must have really spurred your ireland. Be that as it may I suggest you crack a dictionary and look up the word "preach". You might be surprised at what you find there. Until you start using words correctly we cannot advance this conversation.

"But you were about to tell me how wise and profound your inner preacher is...let's hear it."-troglaman

I said no such thing. My opinion however is that since irrelevant tangents make up the majority of your argument then you probably need some rest.

Here to help ya.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous Gregory of Prescott said...

So I take it that the "general strike" was not enough? Now it's REVOLUTION TIME! Good luck with that.

2:16 PM  

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