Saturday, March 26, 2011

Pied Piper Pitt Smoking Relapse

WOO! HOO! Let's all celebrate! WILLIAM RIVERS PITT has gone 100 days without smoking. I just knew you had the fortitude to pull it off, Will!


Has anyone noticed that with all the early hoopla by Pitt about quitting cigarettes that there hasn't been a self-promoting post by him on this topic since his Day 50 THREAD, "Fifty days. No smokes." So what does that tell us? It tells us that Pitt is back to sucking down the cancerous fumes again. Let us do some math to prove my point. Pitt's "Fifty Days, No Smokes" thread was posted on Jan. 19. Add 12 days to bring us to the end of that month and that would be 62 days. Add another 28 days for the month of February and that makes it 90 days. Then 10 more days at the beginning of the following month and that would bring us to the glorious day of March 10 when the Pittster would have gone ONE HUNDRED DAYS without smoking! Hallelujah! However, did you notice that March 10 has come and long since went without a word from Pitt on that significant landmark? Knowing Pitt's propensity towards braggadocio, this can only mean that Pitt has slinked back to smoking again and just wishes everybody won't notice that he was too WEAK to beat his nicotine addiction. Well, perhaps his fellow DUmmies have forgotten Wee Willie's very public no smoking pledge but we here at the DUmmie FUnnies haven't forgotten. In fact let us review some of Pitt's self-promotional avowals of swearing off cigarettes.

Only a little over a week before Pitt's last pronouncement about being smoke free we have this bit of a self-righteous THREAD January 11, "A message for all the Quitters in the Lounge." Here are some highlights from that thread:

A message for all the Quitters in the Lounge.

[Including for Pitt who QUIT his no-smoking pledge.]

My wife is on Day Nine...our old Lounge friend Matcom is on Day Ten...and I am on Day Forty-Two...which is SIX WEEKS for those of you playing along at home (and is The Answer for all you Douglas Adams fans out there).

[I don't know about Pitt's wife or DUmmmie Matcom but we do know that Pitt quit his quitting.]

Nine days. Ten days. Forty-two days.


[Ninety days. Ninety-one days. One hundred days. ...SMOKES!!!]

If she, he and I can do it, anyone can. Keep it up.

[Except you, Pitt. You couldn't. So be honest now and tell us what is was like to light up that first cigarette after all those weeks and suck those cancerous fumes deep into your lungs.]

Yes, it is time for Pitt to reveal to his fellow DUmmies that he just didn't have the strength of Will to really quit smoking. And an oatmeal cookie to the first DUmmie (or LFT) who dares to publicly ask Pitt how his no smoking pledge is going.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please have mercy!! No more Pitt items. I know Nadin is gone, but can't you find some one else to mock?

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No mercy. Ever. The guy is a walking contradiction and begs for mockery.

I will say, however, I have sympathy for the nicotine-addicted. Quitting is a true bitch kitty.

10:08 AM  
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