Thursday, March 24, 2011

"Why is everything in the world right now so 'fouled' up?"



It was supposed to be the beginning of the New Age. Obamassiah had driven the snakes out of Washington, and the Democrats controlled both houses of Congress. The Lightworker was going to lead us out of the Bushian darkness and into the bright new world of Hopenchange. All the DUmmies were singing a happy song . . .

PROG LAND IN MY MIND
Tune: "Playground in My Mind"

When the bad guys get me down
And I must stay underground
I take some drugs and soon I find
I'm in a Prog Land in my mind
Where the DUmmies laugh
And the DUmmies play
And we smoke a bong all day

My name is Michael
I'm kinda mental
I'm kinda mental
I'm on DU
My mind will travel
When things unravel
That's what I'm gonna do

Oh, the wonders that I find
In the Prog Land in my mind
In a world that ought to be
Pop your pills and follow me
Where the DUmmies laugh
And the DUmmies play
And we smoke a bong all day

My name is Willie
We tax the wealthy
We're gonna take a
Trillion or two
We're gonna make 'em
Pay for our healthcare
That's what we're gonna do

See the litle DUmmies
Living in a world that is not confined
Happy little DUmmies
In the Prog Land in my mind

See the little DUmmies
See how they play so happy
In the Prog Land in my mind

La la la la la la . . .

But something FUnnie happened on the way to Nirvana. Things got worse. So now the DUmmies are whining and moaning and not knowing who to blame. Witness this
THREAD, "Why is everything in the world right now so f***ed up?" (I put "fouled" in the headline, but you know a DUmmie would really use another "F" word.)

It's the Daze of Whine and Poses in DUmmieland, where the free-floating angst is in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson--reporting that, in addition to all the other calamities in the world, DUmmie nadinbrzezinski, the world's foremost authority, has reached her tipping point and has fled DUmmieland, due to all the bullying and stalking she was getting, and is now hiding out in her bunker with her stockpiles of Triage Milk--is in the [brackets]:

Why is everything in the world right now so f***ed up?

[It's a plot--a PLOT, I tell you!--to make the Lightworker look bad!]

It has to do with molecules.

[It has to do with moles in DU.]



Most homo sapiens with power suck

[HOMOPHOBE!]

Because certain people with lots of money want it that way

[The RICH! I knew it! The Rich are so EEEVIL!!!]

It's because the Daily Show and The Colbert Report were on hiatus last week. It never fails - they take a week off and the world goes to hell in a hand basket!

[What about Cenk? Wasn't he on? That should have stopped it.]

The Result of Pessimism, Cynicism, and Fascists in our Society

[You sound kind of pessimistic and cynical about this. Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?]

It has to do with planetary alignments

[Venus is aligned with Uranus, on top of a Supermoon.]

Corporations make more money this way.

Corporations controlling all of us and our planet

[Yes, class, that of course is the correct answer: CORPORATIONS. "Bush's Fault" is past its expiration date, so the fall-back all-purpose answer is "CORPORATIONS."]

Capitalism run amok.

[Even if you ran Capitalism mok, it would still be bad!]

Us. If you sent us out to f*** up, we'd f*** up on the way.

[Heretic! We are the ones we have been waiting for!]

waterloo

[Underoo.]

SNAFU is military jargon and we're living it.

[DUFU is moletary jargon and we're loving it!]

religion, belief in deities. When people who can send spaceships out of the solar system and map the human genome still believe in omnipotent little old men sitting up in the clouds smiting some and blessing others we have serious problems.

[How someone could explore and ponder the solar system or a human genome and NOT believe that there MUST be a God who made all this--the irony is lost on this fool of a DUmmie.]

Its been there for a long time. It is just now being uncovered. It is painful, and hard to deal with.

[WHAT is, bobbolink? What is the answer?? You, you, can tell us, Bobo the Hobo, what is causing the world to be so f***ed up--and all you give us is this cryptic answer??]

Be gentle with yourself.

[AAARGH, TELL us, Bobo! Enlighten us! What is the answer? . . . Wait! Is that "it," Bobo? The world is so f***ed up because we are not being gentle with ourselves? . . . Oh, I am beginning to see! You are a regular Chauncey Gardiner!]

We use too much energy . . .

[. . . posting dumb threads on DU.]

Folks voting the wrong people into office. Folks not voting at all. Folks continuing to believe the hype machine.

[We're all folked up.]

Not enough roux

[The pot thickens.]

because life is full of f*** ups and good times-fleshed out with less extreem ones. We've been going through some pretty dark times. I'm sure that those who survived WWI, the influenza epidemic, the boom of the twenties followed by the great depression and then WWII thought things were pretty f***ed up too. wish I had the answer

[And that IS the right answer, it really is! DUmmie Bluerthanblue, I'm going to award you today's Kewpie Doll for your brilliant--although perhaps unintentionally brillant--answer!]

Califate. Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate, Califate,

[And the question is . . . What happens when death clouds from Japan waft over to San Diego and get in your milk?]

Too much cheap weed

[Things are all weed-weed up. But don't worry, I'm sure the price of weed will be going up soon, like everything else.]

Because there are republicans living on this planet.

[That's it! Send 'em all to Mars!]

Because Poppy and Babs begat a son named Junior. His eight year reign of error and terror destabilized the world. Not responsible for earthquakes, but that little son of a bitch set things in motion

[Oh, come on! You know the earthquakes are also . . . Bush's Fault!]

I wasn't anywhere around it. can't blame me, ya hear?

[DUmmie DearAbby has an alibi.]

The world has always been f***ed up. As long as people have been living in it.

[Solution: Get rid of the people, and this world will be a better place.]

i think, last decade and half, our world changed so hugely with internet and world connection and everything effects everybody. also it is all new, a huge ass experiment. in some areas it is kick ass. in some areas, not so kick ass.

[DUmmie seabeyond nails it. It is all hugely kick ass or not kick ass.]

I'm bet every civilization goes though a crazy period right after the Internet is invented

[Algore's fault.]

Because Repukes inhabit the Earth. Simple. Just think about how wonderful the world would be if they weren't here.

[Mars is too close! They might come back!]

Somehow, I suspect that it's Guy Lombardo's fault.

[That Guy. . . . But wasn't he a Canadian? Royal, I think.]

It all started when they broke up the phone company.

[All Bell broke loose.]

Bound to happen some time. Then it'll go peaceful, then crazy again.

[DUmmie HEyHEY looks at the Big Picture.]

Because next year is 2012 and the world will end. Bye.

[We're entering a Mayan field.]

Time. 2012. Return of the Great Ottus. Lucifer's Hammer. Chicken pox. The Supreme Court of The United States decided a federal election in 2000 that ripped the world a new asshole and his name was Dick Cheney. My money is on the last reason.

[Cheney Insanity Affliction (CIA) never goes out of style.]

Evil corporate-fascist, Mongol, baby eaters, hopped up on GM corn are designing union and innocent civilian-seeking missiles in their secret underground lairs under the icecaps and glaciers where they're also breeding giant mosquitoes that suck all the oil out the ground in harmless Arab nations and excrete radioactive clouds over playgrounds BLLLLAAARRRRRRR!!!!111!!!! CORPORATIONS!

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Because cogent argument has been reduced to 5 second sound bites, with the word "f***" in them.

[That's DUmmie discourse in a NUtshell!]

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In your picture "My Progressive World" I see bunnies, fairies, a rainbow, nature, and... WHITE PEOPLE!

RACIST!

Also there are no unicorns.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perahps we just need more cowbell.

DAT

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"Why is everything in the world right now so f***ed up?" - Tiggeroshii on "Democratic" Underground (DU)

The answer to that is simple.

In 2008, 52% of American voters used their heads for suppositories and voted people like Tiggeroshii and Troglaman into power in both the executive and legislative branches of the Federal Government. The result was an unmitigated and titanic disaster that sadly is still unfolding before our very eyes. And the individuals most responsible - people who think like Tiggeroshii and Troglaman - are too intellectually shallow and morally corrupt to accept the blame. They look everywhere but in the mirror for who is responsible for screwing things up this totally and completely.

In 2010, we got a large number of these egotistical, narcissistic, self-delusional Moonbats out of the Congress; in 2012 it's up to us to finish the job by clearing out the rest of Congress and the White House of Moonbat control and then start cleaning up the wreckage these clowns will have left behind. And hopefully, this time the public will have finally learned never to give these fools control of ANYTHING ever again.

11:30 PM  
Anonymous Skully said...

"Because Repukes inhabit the Earth. Simple. Just think about how wonderful the world would be if they weren't here."

And how would you survive without anyone to leach off of my little moonbat??

After 5 days of no pizza delivered to mommy's basement you will have starved... Yes moonbathopper your pizza joint is probably owned by a Rethuglican.

Parasites have no respect for their host.

12:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well call me crazy, but it seems like the world always goes to hell when you have a Dem President and a Dem congress.

10:37 AM  

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