Friday, October 23, 2009

The gasbag has landed! "Baloney Boy" Pitt back from the honeymoon



The gasbag has landed! No, not the good ship Jiffy Pop. No, I'm talking about "Baloney Boy" Will Pitt. Mr. Pitt has just gotten back from his honeymoon! Our Little Willie is now a married man! WOOOO HOOOO!!!!! Congrats, Will! We here at DUmmie FUnnies are very happy for you and your bride, and we wish you all the best. I'm series. If I could, I would buy you a beer at Bukowski's and raise a toast in your honor. Li'l Beaver would give you a cigar. We may have our political differences--oh, kind of like the difference between night and day--but on a personal level, we bear you no ill will . . . Will. We kid because we love.

So several threads to get to. A couple weeks ago, Will previewed his wedding in this
THREAD, "So I'm getting married this weekend...." Then, a few days after the October 11 wedding, he posted this THREAD, "...so I have some wedding photos here...." Yes, follow that link and you will see actual photos from the actual wedding! Now finally Will reports that he has returned from the seclusion of his honeymoon and is back on the job (whatever that is, exactly), in this THREAD, "Catching Up With The Crazy."

And away we go! The words of Will and his well-wishers are in Blushing Bridegroom Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, somewhat miffed that Will didn't ask me to perform the wedding, is in the [brackets]:

So I'm getting married this weekend...

[Will wonders never cease!]

Picking up my Best Man at the airport in an hour.

[The best man is a luggage handler.]

Heading to rural New Hampshire tomorrow morning. Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tomorrow evening; dinner, btw, will be at my mom's house (DUer Raven for the uninitiated). . . .

[Will's having a hard time leaving the Raven's nest.]

Wedding on Sunday here:

[So I follow the
LINK, and there's a pic of the church. But, lo and behold, the URL identifies it as "Nelson Congregational Church." It's a congregation of the United Church of Christ! But I thought Pitt was Roman Catholic! And the UCC is a very liberal mainline Protestant denomination! And the pastor is actually a pastorette! "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen! Wha' hoppen, Will??? I know the RCs don't go for female impastors! Didn't you just recently say, when Teddy Kennedy died, that you were a "Kennedy Catholic"?? Oh, wait, now I get it. Teddy wasn't too true to Catholic teaching, either.]

Reception here:

[No, it's not Bukowski's, silly!]

Wish me luck.

[I think we should wish the BRIDE luck! Now to the DUmmie well-wishers . . .]

Must be a bye week for the Pats. . . .

[And a buy week for the Pitts.]

Please don't let this interfere with your major contributions to our community.

[You are a great boon to us insomnia sufferers!]

congrats and much happiness to you and Raven.

[Uh, Raven is Pitt's MOTHER!]

Note to Raven: Not losing a son, gaining a son-wrangler?

[The Bondage of the Will.]

DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO STOP STALKING YOU????

[Is that you, benburch?]

*hugs*

[*drugs*]

Best Wishes! Are you taking her name?

[No, but the husband of "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen really did take HER name, which is on one side of that hyphen there. Yes, the "Rev." Garrett-Larsen is that rare bird, a NON-lesbian female minister. Speaking of birds, DUmmie Raven (Pitt's mom) checks in . . .]

He's getting married and I'm getting a daughter. . . . Will's Cailen is a GIFT, a wonderful, wonderful Gift.

[Well, that's sweet. I mean it. No joke here. . . . OK, after that brief interlude, now back to the jokes . . .]

May the road rise to meet you. . . .

[Usually the floor rises to meet Will.]

Love is grand! --asdjrocky

[Love Is Blue --Paul Mauriat]

Don't regale the guests with too many stories, Will Pitt.

[Asleep at the Will.]

We were married in NH, August '02, with a pig on the fire and kegs on ice - ya can't beat the Karma!

[The pig would probably disagree.]

Good luck and Darwin Bless

[The Survival of the Pittest.]

Are you William Pitt the Younger or the Elder?

[He's William Pitt the Balder.]

I heard once that two printer color inkjet cartridges got married. A short time later the bride said excitedly to her groom, "Darling, I think I'm pigment."

[That was the beginning of the Cartridge Family.]

I hope it's fantastic, the weather is perfect, and you're not so drunk that you pass out before it's over.

[This man knows his Pitt. . . . Next thread, after the nuptials . . .]

...so I have some wedding photos here...

[The new Mrs. Pitt looks quite lovely. How'd you manage that, Will?? I guess the old saying holds true: There's a lid for every pot--and Pitt!]

The deal goes down

[Pitt refers to this
PHOTO, with a good view of the best man/luggage handler, the bald bridegroom, the tattooed bride, and the pastorette with the funky stole. Now to the DUmmies . . .]

Who is the bald dude?

[Pitt, in an altared state.]

Enjoy your time off the planet, sweetie...

[Off to Planet Pitt!]

Looks like one god-damned, liberal-assed affair if you ask me!

[The Day When Everything Finally Changed!]

Love the color of those bridesmaid's gowns!

[Bolshevik Red was a nice touch.]

Now let your hair grow back!

[Pitt's almost 38 now. More likely hair's going to grow ON his back.]

Will ??? - What Did You Do With Your Hair ???

[It's sealed in an envelope in Washington, D.C.]

Is this some sort of Sampson and Delilah thing???

[It's more like a Homer Simpson thing.]

Congratulations! . . . from someone who has admired your writing for so long.

[So YOU'RE the one!]

I'm sure your better half is very intelligent and will help keep your feet on the ground.

[That's always a challenge with Will.]

Didn't we tell you not to get married at the Temple of Manos, Hands of Fate?

[I now pronounce you Manos and Wife.]

dude , where is you hair ?

[Inquiring minds want to know.]

Does she know you have the power to move people with words?

[They tend to move away quickly.]

Mr. Pitt, any president who is not paying you to write speeches is not using America's best talent.

[Will the Shill blew any chance of a paying political job on May 12, 2006, the day of Rove's "indictment."]

There is something a-shimmering in you.

[That's one way to put it.]

Do I see a female clergy officiant? Hoot Hoot!

[Yep, Will Pitt, the loyal "Kennedy Catholic," got hitched in a UCC church by a female impastor. . . . Now for a little bit of Will's back-from-the-honeymoon thread . . .]

So, I got married two weekends ago, and spent all of last week honeymooning with my wife in front of a stone fireplace. . . .

[Better in front of a stone fireplace than in front of a fireplace stoned.]

in a tiny cabin by a tiny lake in the woods of New Hampshire.

[A cabin in the woods of New Hampshire? Hmmm, sounds familiar. . . . Nahh, couldn't be! Not on a man's honeymoon!]

No cell phone reception; no TV channels because the tube was still hooked up to an analog antenna on the roof that looked to have been there since the Truman administration. . . .

[D*mn Republicans! Maybe Obama can get us universal cable.]

Coming home, in retrospect, may have been an egregious tactical error. . . . One hour of television news . . . made me want to pile back into the car and race back to that cabin. . . . "Balloon Boy"? Seriously?

[Kid already can puke like the Pittster. . . . Finally, let's go to the comments, to this one in particular . . .]

How dare you cast asperations on that little cabin!!!! It's a gem on a golden pond.

[It's DUmmie Raven, AKA Mother Pitt! Yes, it's true! William Rivers Pitt, nearly 38 years old, took his bride, on their honeymoon, TO STAY WITH HIS MOTHER IN HER CABIN IN THE WOODS!!!]

Norman! The loons!

[William! The loons!]

24 Comments:

Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Meh!

5:45 AM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

In all fairness, the wife is pleasant-looking, though obviously not too picky.

4:03 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Arr, that be some tattoo. Hard in the chine and soft in the transom.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Good luck and Darwin Bless"-DUmmie

Was the ceremony read directly from "The Origin of Species?" Was Pitt the Iguana or the Nuthatch?

6:33 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

You gotta let go of this Pitt thing, PJ. Really. He's not relevant.

Go after Maddow. Olbermann. Maher. Greenwald. Duncan. Atrios. Go after the Sadly No guys (dare you), Stewart, Tbogg, rudepundit, Colbert, whiskeyfire, digby, Hamsher,...Think BIG for Christ's sake. What do you have to lose? I swear to you, as a bonafide DUmmie, Pitt is a non-factor.

For years Pitt's been like...hit by a car, rolling around on the side of the road with you standing there...on his intestines.

For some strange reason, he means more to you than he means to us. Even though we're not standing on his intestines, stomping up and down (like we'd like to do with Rush's intestines).

And he's not trying to appeal to you folks, he's trying to appeal to us. And we're not listening. But you are. What's wrong with this picture?

What the hell. Who am I, troglaman, to know about the complex intricacies of yours and Pitt's relationship (now settle down, my inner little fella)?

The fascination is obviously yours. And when that switch is flipped your words start saying more about you than about who you're talking about. It's obsessive, for Christ's sake.

Here's the question, PJ: If Pitt means nothing to us heathen, dumbshit, baby-assed libs, then why does he mean something to you?

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

I can't argue with trogs on this one. Pitt's life, Pitt's thoughts, Pitt's writings and Pitt's wedding are as exciting as tapioca pudding.

Still, I wonder, what is that tattoo on the bride's back? Is it a compass rose or a ship's wheel?

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not sure on that one, Elrond.
Question is....is that the new wife?

Skul

9:24 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Not sure on that one, Elrond." skul

(Psst...skul...the guy's a friggin agnostic...just sayin)

1:35 AM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

Did the pastorette promise to sign the marriage certificate within 24 business hours?

2:42 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Could have been worse, could have been a Unitarian marriage service.

My liberal nephew and his Trotskyite girlfriend were married in a Unitarian "church" by a druidess. The "God" word was never mentioned although Gaia's blessing was sought. It was more of a political caucus than a religious service.

The marriage lasted several years until the Trostskyite decided she was a lesbian. (True story)

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy seeing Pitt-related posts. The guy has cracked me up for years...he and the ones who fawn over him at DU.

True, he's not a "major" player but, dammit, he just gives me the giggles.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait, did Trog just say he was a DUmmie?

I never knew that. I thought he was just another Lib goober from the somewhere in cyberspace.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

TROGLAMAN - The Official Hate-Mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog Site - emitted the following:

"Here's the question, PJ: If Pitt means nothing to us heathen, dumbshit, baby-assed libs, then why does he mean something to you?"


I have one answer to that - Pitt, like you, represent the core of what is now claimed to be the "Democratic" Party. It used to be that a core member of the party was a steelworker, a coal miner, a minority white collar worker, or a young person trying to do volunteer work to help their fellow man. That is no longer the core of the party. The core of what is now accurately called The Democratic Socialist Party of America (DSA) are morons like Pitt, Guttersnipes like Troglaman, and Moonbats like Nancy Pelosi. That is the core of the party today and that is why they can't get anything passed in Congress. The old core members are finally waking up and realizing the people who are now the core of the party don't give a rat's ass about them and are going to screw them and everyone else blind in their insane march to a non-exisitant and unobtainable Utopian Dreamland. So highlighting the actions of Pitt (and often times you, Guttersnipe) simply shows what the new core of the party in charge of the Federal Government is like.

You can howl that Pitt means nothing to you until Hell freezes over...but he is what you are, and you cannot disavow him and that is why he is relevant. Pitt is what accurately represents who is in charge of the Federal Government, and sadly Guttersnipe, so are you.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said, Jerome. Spot on.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

Don't forget the part where Guttersnipe Trog drinks a fifth of Jack Daniels, then powerslams his head up his ass before emitting his latest statist screed.

If PJ ever gets that book deal, I'm hoping for the CD-insert comics to feature a foil based on the hapless antics of aforementioned Guttersnipe.

2:52 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Wait, did Trog just say he was a DUmmie? I never knew that. I thought he was just another Lib goober from the somewhere in cyberspace." another who-the-fuck anon

Come on, anon. Aren't we libs all DUmmies? You never really thought P-Jinkblot was just about the DUmmies at DU, did you? What you thought was that ALL libs thought like just like the idiotic comments offered up at DU.

You know I'm right. Consider this. I, troglaman, am not simply a "Lib goober", but just a small part of an overwhelming herd. And we're coming for your guns...and your religion...and your unborn babies. Be afraid, my friends.

11:10 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I have one answer to that - Pitt, like you, represent the core of what is now claimed to be the "Democratic" Party." jerome

Claimed by whom? Wouldn't be you, would it, jerome? I, troglaman, don't give a shit about Pitt whether you say I do or not. He doesn't represent shit.

And you just beg me to go on...

"It used to be that a core member of the party was a steelworker, a coal miner, a minority white collar worker, or a young person trying to do volunteer work to help their fellow man."

What the fuck is a "minority white collar worker"? You're fucked up, Jerome. You can't prove one of those statements. As always, you pretend they're true and go on from there.

"You can howl that Pitt means nothing to you until Hell freezes over...but he is what you are, and you cannot disavow him and that is why he is relevant." jerome jerk-off

As a matter of fact, I CAN disavow him. I haven't paid attention to Pitt for several years. So whomever you may be talking about, it's not me, troglaman. This is a reoccurring theme with you dumbshits: you're all full of shit.

I'm going to say it again. Pitt isn't relevant. He does not represent the core value of the left's principles.

Jerome just thinks so.

You're not like this brain in a jar somewhere who just thinks they're alive when they're really not, are you, jerome?

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

TROGLAMAN - The Official Hate-Mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog Site - drank deep from his fifths of Jack Daniels and Jim Beam, powerslammed his head squarely up his ass, and emitted the following self-delusional BS:

"I'm going to say it again. Pitt isn't relevant. He does not represent the core value of the left's principles."


And I've got some wonderful oceanfront property in the Nebraska panhandle you'll just love, Guttersnipe.

You have to be extremely self-delusional to believe Pitt doesn't represent the core principals of the moronic Moonbat community now in power in Washington DC.

12:14 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"And I've got some wonderful oceanfront property in the Nebraska panhandle you'll just love, Guttersnipe." jerome

He's relevant to you, jerkoff. Not me. Got that? It's pretty simple. I don't defend Pitt. You just keep thinking I do. But I don't. You keep making him important, but he's not.

This is your goddamn problem. And you want to make it mine. As always, you're full of shit.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

TROGLAMAN - The Official Hate-Mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog Site - drank deep from his fifths of Jack Daniels and Jim Beam, repeatedly powerslammed his head squarely up his ass like a jackhammer, and emitted the following pile of worthless mental excrement:

"He's relevant to you, jerkoff. Not me. Got that? It's pretty simple. I don't defend Pitt. You just keep thinking I do. But I don't. You keep making him important, but he's not.

This is your ******* problem. And you want to make it mine. As always, you're full of shit."



You don't have to defend Pitt, Guttersnipe, because you are simply a variant of his actions. You and Pitt are just like a pair of parallel lines. You don't have to defend because you are in your pathetic abhorrent way just like him. You can claim he's not revlent til hell freezes over. Fact remains though that you are Pitt, just a different acting version of him. Not as fancy, not as slick, but every bit as intentionally stupid and every bit the Moonbat Pitt is.

So I hope PJ keeps hammering Pitt, and I will hammer your equally pathetic rants when necessary Guttersnipe, and if you can't deal with it, you can either do what you did in the Lieberman thread (which was to act like a drunken, drugged out maniac) or can you just powerslam your head so far up your ass you disappear. But your shtick is wearing as thin as your intelligence level.

10:41 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"You don't have to defend Pitt, Guttersnipe, because you are simply a variant of his actions." more jerome junk

Am I, Kreskin? Fuck you. Point to one fact, one quote that aligns me with Pitt. One. I've never discussed him, I've never quoted him, I've never directly supported him. I've never even mentioned him. Ever.

And yet there's no question that you'll continue believing I, trogalaman, do. That fact, alone in itself, makes you a nutbag.

Maybe someday you'll take me on. Maybe someday you'll quit attributing everyday DUmmie bullshit to me. Maybe someday, you'll stop spewing horse-shit talking points and actually show me where I'm wrong.

The fact is you can't do it. Want proof? What's your plan for health-care reform? Or are you just going to claim I'm a socialist hater and leave it at that. You're an empty shoe, jerome. You're incapable of defending what you believe other than offering up stupid 'socialist' pander.

Waiting...I'm going to eat you and your mule-hungry self up. Looking forward to it.

1:35 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

TROGLAMAN - The Official Hate-Mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog Site - drank deep from his fifths of Jack Daniels and Jim Beam, repeatedly powerslammed his head squarely up his ass like a jackhammer gone wild, and spewed piles of worthless mental excrement everywhere.....

Why would I engage you Guttersnipe, who is clearly unarmed when it comes to intellegence, in any kind of intellectual communication? You have gone out of your way to prove that the only intelligence you get comes from a fifth of Jim Beam and the courage you get to spew you pseudo-intelligence comes from a fifth of Jack Daniels, so there's no point. Numerous people, myself included, have told you ideas that you either reject or ignore out of hand as the people you helped put in power do, or you simply spew vile commentary or brainless infantile rants that you somehow believe pass for coherent and intelligent prose.

You're just like your fellow drone Pitt. And everyday DUmmie BS will continue to be attributed to you as long as you continue to show that you are an everyday DUmmie BS artist (which is obviously no big stretch for someone of your limited intellectual skills and shallow moral depth). Trying to use projection and ad hominem attacks are the tools of those who have no basis for coherent conversation and meaningful debate.

So keep it up, Guttersnipe. I will be sure when I can to invest heavily in the producers of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels as you obviously are good for their bottom line. And if you think your worthless diatribes are good substitutes for meaningful commentary, so be it...after all, even the most pathetic of losers has to have some fantasy in which to find solace.

Enjoy your private Hell, Guttersnipe...you've worked hard to create it, and by God you certainly deserve it.

12:35 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Why would I engage you Guttersnipe..." jerk off

Pussy.

1:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...we're coming for your guns...and your religion...and your unborn babies. Be afraid, my friends. -piltdownman

That is, if you can make it past the guns...

A.

12:26 PM  

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