Monday, July 21, 2008

Nutroots Nation holds KOmmie KOnvention, AKA "Wallop-Pelosi"!

Two years ago we here at DUmmie FUnnies documented the first annual KOmmie KOnvention (held in Las Vegas), "YearlyKos"--AKA "Blogolapalooza," because politicans like Mark Warner wined and dined the prog bloggers with chocolate fountains and ice sculptures at a Stratosphere party, in order to gain their support.

Well, this year we travel to Austin, Texas, for the YearlyKos, now called, "Netroots Nation." There are MULTITUDINOUS THREADS on this in
KOmmieland--you can go there and use the tag, "netroots nation 2008" to find them all. There's even a separate Netroots Nation website, with agenda, speakers, registration info, etc.

There are so many threads on Nutroots Nation, in fact, we will just sample some posts from here and there, to give you a flavor. So let us now put on our convention nametags and our funny fezzes and take a Journey to the Center of the Prog Blogosphere, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering why anyone would want a convention in Texas in July, is in the [brackets]:

So Who's NOT Going to NN? Besides me. I'm broke and stuck at home.

[Maybe the $450 registration fee was meant to keep out the riff-raff. FREE UNIVERSAL NUTROOTS NATION FOR ALL!]

Welcome to Austin! Where's the Water?

[Where's the chocolate fountain?]

Thanks to Katharine Seelye at NYT, I’m now really glad that I’m not attending this event, because after reading her article, I would be running through Austin right now trying to show her my breasts. . . . What’s really got my goat today is her piece’s slant about how it’s all just a guy thing, this NN08. . . . If any of you ladies who made it to Austin run across Ms. Seelye, I would encourage you all to introduce her to the girls up top. . . .

[Girl power!]

There is a lot on the agenda, and no doubt you'll be surrounded by options when you get to the convention center - including a huge array of caucuses to choose from.

[Well, let's take a look (true titles, btw) . . .

"The Lurkers Caucus": Meets in hallway just outside Room 18B.

"Street Prophets Caucus": Bums with signs. Meets outside main entrance.

"Geek Caucus": Could be upgraded to Plenary Session.

"Scholarship Winners Caucus": Meets in phone booth in the lobby.

"Self-Organizing Session": Led by yourself in your room.

"GLBTQ Caucus": L.S./M.F.T.

"African American Caucus": No Caucasian Caucusians!

"Transparency, Participation and Reinvention in Government in the Next Administration Through Web 2.0 Tools and Culture": Session will consist of reading the workshop title.

"The Next President and the Law": President Obama will need 8-10 years to transform all 57 states.

"Growing the American Dream Movement": Boring panelists will put you to sleep in no time.

"The Recipe for Change in America's Food System": Organic Tofu is people!

"Get Ready to Volunteer: Canvassing and Phonebanking for Introverts, Neophytes, Skeptics—and You!": Get ready to annoy your neighbors!

"Netroots: Let's Write a Platform!": Nutroots, let's take a pratfall!

"Blogs As The Ethics Watchdog": Blogs as way to get money from politicians. Led by Head KOmmie KOs and Unknown Jerome.

"Where's the Beef—and Where's the Sizzle?": Where's the free sushi?

"How the Media Learned to Bend Over Backward to Please the Right": How benburch learned to bend over forward to please himself.

"Progressives Go Viral": What your STD can reveal about your personality. Led by benburch.

"Breaking the Frame: Revitalizing and Redefining Reproductive Rights Media Coverage": Aborting the baby, avoiding euphemisms.

"Insanely Useful Tools You Can Use to Keep Track of Congress and State Lawmakers": Stalking made easy.

"Sunday Service": Led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright, outside, under the Obama campaign bus.]

To get free wireless internet in the guest rooms at the Hilton, log in down in the lobby and then take the elevator up to your room, keeping the connection active by refreshing the page your'e on every few seconds. . . . I am posting this from my room on the 12th floor. . . .

[The hotel detectives are on their way up.]

At noon (central time) today, Howard Dean's Register for Change bus tour came to Austin.

[Not only are they going to Austin . . . they're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico. . . . YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!]

The convention has started. There are apparently around two thousand attendees. . . .

[Thirteen hundred of whom are sitting in the lobby, live-blogging.]

Conventions breed optimism, a feeling which I continually distrust.

[Go with your feelings.]

I wrote and emailed a letter (several weeks ago) to Speaker Pelosi, as did many people who were disgusted with her actions of late related to impeachment and FISA. . . . she made a decision to attend this year's NETROOTS convention, thinking, I believe, that she can play some spin-doctoring to change the opinions of the blogging world. . . . well, my request to you all in attendance at NETROOTS ... please SLAM her and let her know that her empty gestures will NOT salvage her political career!

[I want you to cut her Nutroots off!]

The minibar, the hotel coffee shop and the convention center refreshment stand all have one thing in common: HIGHWAY ROBBERY. Why am I going to pay THREE FREAKING DOLLARS for a Diet Coke when I can walk across the hall of the convention center to a pop machine and pay a buck? $3.25 for a Diet Coke in the minibar? Are they insane? FOUR DOLLARS for an individual can of Pringles?

[Try the Organic Tofu.]

there's one right-wing type roaming the halls of NN08 attempting to pretend he's a liberal and then going home to blog about it. There may be more. NN08 attendees - be careful what you say to who.

[Trust no one.]

It's Friday morning, and I'm at the "Different Tones and Wider Nets" panel. It's the panel discussing swearing on teh internets. . . . OK, for starters, who the hell scheduled a panel on swearing at nine in the morning? I mean, Jesus H. Mittens, at least let folks get a few drinks in first.

[Profane Tanked.]

I'm at NetRoots and I'm bored.

[Not enough free stuff?]

The people in charge of planning apparently refused equal representation of enough people of color. . . .

[They were only interested in the color green, as in $450.]

Where was the agenda? The organization? Why did I have to choose between Feminist bloggers and African-American bloggers?

[You mean you missed the Bored Feminist African-American Bloggers Caucus?]

Why am I even here then?

[To enrich the KOffers of Head KOmmie KOs.]

Netroots Nation Live: Watch Nancy Pelosi AND AL GORE

[Will Algore SLAM Nancy to the floor for using an SUV?]

Nancy Pelosi: dodging sniper fire (UPDATE: Al Gore swoops in to provide cover)

[Algore could provide cover for a good-sized mariachi band.]

Asked a second time about inherent contempt, and specifically when the House would "put [Karl Rove] into that little cell down in the basement", Speaker Pelosi responded that committee chairs have said they will take care of the matter. Congressman John Conyers, she said, asked her to leave it to him.

[Conyers will hold a hearing in a little broom closet down in the basement of the Capitol.]

At Netroots Nation 2008, the elephant in the living room is the effect of religion on US politics.

[Agreed. The main thing that drives the Nutroots nuts is their deep and abiding hatred of Christianity. Democrat officials just don't want you guys saying it in public, that's all.]

Netroots Nation: Free Booze at 7

[Expect a crowd! That's what people are there for!]

He's Too Good for Politics. . . . Al Gore is just...different. Sitting three tables away from the main stage where Al Gore and Nancy Pelosi took questions from the audience, I could feel the energizing vibe of the former Vice-President's visionary and charismatic appeal. . . .

[I think that was his breath.]

Why Nancy let me down. . . . While I didn't expect Speaker Pelosi to knock my socks off, I did expect SOMETHING from her. I left feeling like I got nothing.

[At least she wants to increase your gas taxes.]

Am I the only one frustrated with Nancy Pelosi at NN08? . . . What other session have you attended and be "warned" to "behave" while not being able to ask live questions? What other session had the questions scripted? What other session had significant security deployed? And, what other session had the speaker "rescued" by a high-caliber yet unannounced personality such as Al Gore?

[Apparently Nancy Pelosi was not the hit of the KOnvention. Maybe she should have passed out free sushi.]

Obama Video Address to Netroots Nation

[Talking about his 57 State Strategy.]

The background of tension and reticence that has been dogging Netroots Nation came to a boil yesterday morning when attendees were threatened with having their convention badges revoked if they disrupted Speaker Pelosi.

[Feel the love!]

Finally, if you didn't hear it yet: we're going to Pittsburgh next year!

[Here's a tip: Tell Pelosi you're meeting in Scranton.]


Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

He's Too Good for Politics...Al Gore is just different...I could feel the energizing vibe of the former Vice President's visionary and charismatic appeal..."

Spoken with apparent sincerity and lack of irony by a nutroot who has swallowed kool-aid by the bucket. Substitute "Benito Mussolini" or "Mao Zedong" for "Al Gore and you'll see what I mean.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Street Prophets Caucus": Bums with signs. Meets outside main entrance.

Last time I was in Austin I saw one of these "street prophets" howling away (sans sandwich board) so I offered him a pre packaged meal my church provides for just such an occasion. Turns out he gets a stipend for meals. Being the Mayor and all.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

So SanFranNan's a big disappointment. Quelle surprise. About the only people in the country she hasn't disappointed to date are the wealthy idiots in her home district. Serves the Nutroots right.

And if John Conyers' wife ends up indicted in the current Detroit Synagro mess, he may be too busy to use that rubber hose on Rove.

1:07 AM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

These people couldn't find their own asses in the dark with both hands and they want to run this country, let alone the entire WORLD?


2:16 PM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

and they want to run this country

Why not? Pol Pot and his band of thugs ran a country for a decade. These assholes could probably do it for a couple of years.

2:19 PM  
Blogger The Gunslinger said...

Competence and Intellect are not the best means to power in this country. Arrogance and Ruthlessness are.

Obie has both in spades. (Pun not intended...but enjoyed.)

3:07 PM  
Blogger Keif said...

HILARIOUS!! Good work. I'm sure there is material for more posts...

4:01 PM  
Anonymous John Galt said...

"Competence and Intellect are not the best means to power in this country. Arrogance and Ruthlessness are."

Only because of the confluence of economic and political power brought about by Amendment 16.

1:38 PM  

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