"It's Going To Be Obama"

It's Going To Be Obama! It's Going To Be Obama! It's Going To Be Obama! DAMMIT!!! IT'S GOING TO BE OBAMA!

Apparently the DUmmies, led by their cheerleader, NanceGreggs, need to repeat that phrase over and over and over again as a kind of positive reinforcement against the dread possibility that (GASP!) it might NOT be Obama. If the latter scenario happens this November, look for many DUmmies make the trip to the Mother Ship to join the Heaven's Gate cult. Most other DUmmies could well end up completely disfunctional beating their heads helplessly against the wall over and over again.

I was actually witness to such an event at Bergin's bar in West L.A. years ago. I saw from the start what happened. Some guy was standing near me with his really hot date. All of a sudden some tall guy walked up to the woman and began talking to her. The woman looked at the tall guy with complete love in her eyes while utterly ignoring her the guy she was with. After an incredibly brief amount of time, the hot chick and the tall guy walked out of the bar together leaving her date behind looking utterly devastated. As a matter of fact, I don't believe I have ever seen a person looking so completely destroyed as the guy who lost his hot date to the tall guy. Okay, that's the breaks, I thought, and then I returned to my Scotch and thinking up some break the ice routine for some other woman I was eyeballing.

A short time later I heard some bizarre shouting from outside. A number of us, out of curiosity, exited the bar to see what was going on. It was the guy who got dumped. He was banging his head against the wall outside screaming over and over and over again: "BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!" And it wasn't minor head banding. He was bruised and bloodied but that didn't keep him from his loud rant which also included this line: "SHE DUMPED ME! BITCH! SHE DUMPED ME!"

All of us were standing around in helpless shock. How do you stop some obviously crazed guy from beating his head against the wall. Suddenly I came up with an idea that might help the situation as well as inject a bit of humor into it. Okay, I was also thinking this might be a good way to put myself to the attention of the woman I was eyeballing earlier who was also standing outside so I said: "Sir! Sir! Sir!" in between each of his head against the wall beatings. He momentarily stopped and looked at me so I asked him: "Have you considered trying primal scream therapy?" He stared at me for a few moments with glazed eyes that did not comprehend at all what I was saying. Then he returned right back to beating his head against the wall and screaming.

That is what the fate of the DUmmies and much of the left might be like if it is NOT going to be Obama as they now desperately hope. You can see just how desperate they are in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "It's Going To Be Obama." The subtitle really should be, "It BETTER be Obama!" So let us now join NanceGreggs and the other DUmmies as they close their eyes real hard and wish for their beloved Obama to save them from a total mental breakdown in November while the commentary of your humble correspondent, saving a spot on the Bergin's wall for the DUmmies to smash their heads against in November, is in the [barackets]:

Going To Be Obama

[Or I will end up senselessly smashing my head against the Bergin's wall in November.]

MEMO to the GOP:

[Barack is going to break his campaign financing pledge?]

Barack Hussein Obama will be the next President of the United States.

[GASP! You said his full middle name. When an EVIL Republican does it that is considered a smear but I guess it is permitted when DUmmie NanceGreggs writes the dreaded H-word.]

No matter how many of your on-the-payroll talking-heads spew utter nonsense about him, it’s going to be Obama.

[Keep saying it. Also close your eyes real tight, lean back, and click your heals together three times. It's going to be Obama...in the Land of Oz.]

No matter how many outrageous smears you come up, it’s going to be Obama.

[The latest smear about Obama is that he is going to break his promise to accept public campaign financing. However, I know it can't be true. Our beloved Obama is too good to break his sacred vows.]

No matter how many scurrilous lies your minions tell, it’s going to be Obama.

[Hey you lousy Republicans! It is an absolute LIE that Obama is going to break his promise about accepting public financing for his campaign!]

No matter how much effort your operatives put into swiftboating him, it’s going to be Obama.

[Don't you DARE say that Obama broke his campaign financing pledge! If you do then you are guilty of swiftboating him.]

No matter how many times you raise the specter of Reverend Wright, or flag-pins, or Chicago-style politics, it’s going to be Obama.

[In 20 years of sleeping in the pews, Obama never once heard Rev. Wright utter anything about slamming America...until he dumped Wright.]

No matter how often you attempt to insult his wife, his friends, or his associates, it’s going to be Obama.

[For the first time in my life I am proud of my...IT'S GOING TO BE OBAMA!!! DAMMIT!!!]

No matter how vociferously your pundits challenge his abilities and his competence, it’s going to be Obama.

[Obama was spot on about NAFTA...until he changed his position.]

No matter what tricks you plan to put into action between now and November, it’s going to be Obama.

[Don't you dare quote anything that Obama has said in the past. It is a dirty trick!]

No matter how many baseless rumors you try to pass off as the truth, it’s going to be Obama.

[I heard a wild rumor that Obama will break his promise to accept public financing of his campaign. NAW! It can't be true.]

No matter who you dredge up to speak against him, it’s going to be Obama

[Could we just use Hillary quotes?]

No matter what lengths you go to, or what depths you sink to in order to turn people against him, it’s going to be Obama.

[Don't you dare tell the truth about Obama or else we will accuse you of swiftboating!!!]

No matter where you go to dig up dirt, or how far your party tries to fling it, it’s going to be Obama.

[TRANSLATION: Don't you dare dig up Obama's own quotes.]

No matter how hard you to try to instill fear with suggestions of looming terrorism, it’s going to be Obama.

[Looming terrorism? How silly! The War On Terror is just a bumper sticker slogan.]

No matter who you cajole, threaten, or pay-off to besmirch his good name, it’s going to be Obama.

[So continues the NanceGreggs self-hypnotic ward-off-reality chant.]

No matter how often you publicly wring your hands and question his ability to lead a nation, it’s going to be Obama.

[Every day, in every little way, I'm getting better and better...I hope.]

No matter how passionately you proffer your arguments to the contrary, it’s going to be Obama.

[Proffer? Ooh! I like those fancy words you incorporate into your self-hypnotic ward-off-reality chant.]

No matter how shrill your voices get, or how incensed you become at the thought, it’s going to be Obama.

[You have your choice of locales this November, DUmmie NanceGreggs: the Mother Ship, Bergin's wall, or the Rubber Room. The latter comes with a free leather strap to bite down on.]

No matter what you do, say, fabricate, exaggerate, allude to, conjure up, pass along, shout, whisper, fantasize, publicize, propagate, proliferate, cause tears about, cause fears about, stomp your feet over, scream your fears over, pollute, dilute, spin, fold, staple or mutilate, the end result will be the same: it’s going to be Obama.

[No matter what you do, drool, barf, smell, bloviate, nauseate, rabidly rant, beat your heads about, endlessly chant about, break your skull over, pull your teeth out over, etc., etc., etc., the end result will be the same: it's going to be GREAT COMEDY MATERIAL for the DUmmie FUnnies.]

Barack Hussein Obama will be the next President of the United States.

[Not if you keep repeating his forbidden middle name, DUmmie NanceGreggs.]

That is all.

Try not to choke on the idea – but don’t feel obligated to try too hard.

[Now that DUmmie NanceGreggs is done choking on her own positive reinforcement chant, let us hear from the rest of the DUmmies...]

I detect hopefulness in the OP that has long been missing from this world.

[Yes, positive reinforcement is a very hopeful thing... It's going to be the Great Pumpkin! It's going to be the Great Pumpkin! IT'S GOING TO BE THE GREAT PUMPKIN!!!]

If NanceGreggs says it, it must be true!

[It's going to be the Great Pumpkin! It's going to be the Great Pumpkin! IT'S GOING TO BE THE GREAT PUMPKIN!!!]

I hope so

[Hey! Do I detect a slight note of doubt there? Off this thread you lousy heretic!]

I would yell and hoot and dance and wave my arms around and sing on that idea. At the top of my lungs!

[Don't forget the part about beating your head against the Bergin's wall in November.]

You know what? Let 'em. I figure it's THEIR TURN. We've had to choke on eight - to about 15 or 16 YEARS of it. Farther back than that, if you consider the years before Clinton - from maybe reagan onward. Let them choke for a change. Maybe some hard time wandering in the wilderness will provoke some circumspection and soul-searching.

[This election could provoke some self-circumcision among the DUmmies.]

But I don't just want to win, I want to give McCain a humiliation beating. All Republicans should get a humiliation beating too. So let's not just win, let's WIN!!!

[I'm guessing Bergin's wall for this DUmmie but the Mother Ship is also a definite option for him this November.]

We knew that all along, didn't we NanceGreggs?

[WOO! HOO! Break out the Freudenschade victory champagne!!!]

Today's rejection of public funding will assure it happening. No "swift boating" this time. The GOP will throw the 527s at him, but he will respond with all the money he needs.

[Breaking campaign promises is such a WONDERFUL thing!]

I hope I'm wrong, but I fully expect the GOP to steal the 2008 election, and no one will do a goddamn thing about it. It's worked twice already, why the hell wouldn't they do it again? We've already amply demonstrated that they can rely on nobody going after them for it.

[We own ALL your Diebold machines! Hee! Hee!]

Every last one of the pricks who have had their hands in our pockets for decades is absolutely shaking in their boots over 1.5 million people reaching into their pockets on a semi-regular basis in order to give.

[You mentioned in your sixth word just what those people will be grabbing when they reach into their pockets.]

Thanks for reminding me that sometimes the inevitable is INEVITABLE. It's going to be Obama!

[Woo-hoo! It's going to be the Great Pumpkin!]

We can certainly win this, but only if we fight hard for it.

[TRANSLATION: We must fight dirty.]

i think we should just call him hussein from now on!!! and watch the heads of republikan assholes explode!!!!

[Be our guests. And watch our heads explode with laughter!!!!]

Obama = PPOTUS. Presumptive President of These United States!

[Dewey = PPOTUS.]

I'm puttin' on my dancin' shoes. Can't wait to see Barack and Michelle at the Inaguration Ball. Bet she'll look stunning.

[If you're lucky, you'll also get one dance with the Great Pumpkin.]

For the next seven months I am going to vizualize a tall, proud, young president saying "I Barack Hussein Obama do solemnly swear" while glancing at the soon to be indicted war criminal whose legacy he will erase. I hope he puts a subtle emphasis on his middle name as he takes up the mantle we have helped him claim.

[At least this will be a break from visualizing President Albert Gore in the Alternate Reality for the past seven years.]