Saturday, June 21, 2008

Perry Logan Tombstoned

I am really excited. It's the weekend and I'm taking the smoker I received for Father's Day on it's maiden run with a five pound butt end of a picnic shoulder. But you know, that's going to take hours, so I'm going to need something to tide me over. I think I'll have some pizza.

Now, faithful readers of DUmmie FUnnies know that PJ Comix prefers those $1.50 DiGiorno pizzas, but I'm in the mood for a Tombstone with extra ham. To provide that, we have none other than DUmmie Perry Logan. Perry Logan, the Scorsese of screed, the Bogdanovich of bile, that combination of P.T. Anderson and P.T. Barnum, who was featured in
THIS DUmmie FUnnies episode "Degenerates Hate Liberals."

What could Perry do to be tombstoned? Well, Perry was a devoted Hillary supporter, and while they had worn out their welcome on the DUmp months ago, Skinner tolerated longtime DUmmies in the interest of "impartiality" up to noon on June 11th, at which time he archived the General Discussion-Primaries forum and replaced it with General Discussion-Presidential. At that moment, DUmmies were expected to toe the party line and support Obama 100%.

Perry must've missed that memo, as you can see in this
THREAD titled "Barack Obama Midterm Exam." So sit back, have a slice of Tombstone pizza with extra ham, as we read Perry's swan song in Bolshevik red, while the comments of your humble guest narrator, Paul Heinzman, is in the [brackets].

Barack Obama Midterm Exam

[Not midterm, Perry; this is your FINAL exam.]

Hi everybody. I've been away. I really missed the misogyny here.

[You missed the memo, Perry. As of noon on the 11th, there never was misogyny on DU.]


[A quiz on FRIDAY! No fair!]

1. How many votes do you think
Obama loses every time he opens his piehole?
a. ten thousand, with good editing
b. a million, if he ad libs
c. a bajillion, if prompter fails ("Uh ah oh er ah uh erg oh uh um...")
d. an infinite number, if Michelle chimes in.

[That's a tough one. Since there's no such number as a "bajillion," and even the Democrats can't come up with an infinite number of votes, I'm torn between "a" and "b."]

2. Obama's past relationships (Rezco, Rev. Wright, that awful church, those awful terrorists, etc.) indicate:
a. poor judgment
b. p*ss-poor judgment
c. there's somethin' happenin' here...
d. a pact with the Devil.

[I pick "d."]

3. Obama's performance in the polls--first against Hillary, now against John McCain--may best be characterized as:
a. a dying, f*rting, petering out sort of sound—like a Green Day song
b. worse than we'd have done with a cheese blintz
c. good reason to beg for Hillary's forgiveness
d. The Hindenberg.

[Mmmm...cheese blintz.]

4. Obama's campaign was brilliant, if they do say so themselves. The most brilliant ploy—so far—by this brilliant campaign was:
a. playing the race card
b. playing the misogyny card
c. playing the age card
d. playing the social-class card
e. playing the education card
f. playing the Muslim card
g. playing the Christian card
h. playing the radical leftist extremist unrepentant terrorist card
i. playing the Che Guevara card
j. playing the "90's-era smears against the Clintons" card
k. playing the "destroy credibility of progressive blogs" card
l. playing the "take your cue from the media" card
m. playing the "we hate America" card
n. playing the "we hate whitey card" (kidding!)
o. playing the clawing the eyes out card
p. playing the acting like thugs card
q. playing the death-threat card
r. playing the "spam your opponents' websites" card
s. gaming the caucuses
t. suborning the DNC
u. playing the "rehashing speeches by other people" card
v. emulating George McGovern (except that George McGovern is a cool guy)
w. jettisoning Wright
x. jettisoning his church
y. jettisoning (your name here)
z. new alphabet needed.

[Sounds like Obama's not playing with a full deck.]

5. Obama's admitted use of cocaine is:
a. not important—in fact, it helps with the whole vacuous hope thing
b. the sure sign of an excellent Presidential candidate (just look at George Bush)
c. not as important as an imaginary, similar allegation made against Hillary (which would be REALLY cool!)
d. a partial explanation for why Obama looks so sick and feeble.


6. How many minutes of Google searching and reading would it take a normal person to find out Obama is a fraud?
a. as long as it takes to flip your opponent the bird
b. 5 minutes--a small child might take a little longer
c. 30+ minutes--if you read all of "Operation Board Games"
d. after you wake up from one of those derivative speeches.

[I'll go with "b," but I'll have to find out what "Operation Board Games" is later.]

7. What do you think the Party Elders were thinking when they helped rig the nomination for The Worst Candidate Ever™?
a. Nothing. They have all gone mad.
b. Nothing much. They are all as dumb as posts.
c. They're incompetent for not vetting the guy.
d. They decided they've had it with this whole "Democratic Party" thing

[All the above.]

8. Any way you slice it, Larry Sinclair's juicy tale of sex and drugs and Obama:
a. is disputed only by liars and misogynists
b. is as true as Hillary's "Robert Kennedy assassination" threat against the Bamanator
c. is nothing that could possibly hurt anyone's campaign
d. lays to rest any statements that Obama lacks experience.

[Thanks to Hillary's hubby, I'm choosing "c."]

9. All kidding aside, does Obama look OK to you?
a. only if they prop him up
b. he looks just as feeble as McCain is supposed to
c. his bowling is definitely pathological
d. not when Michelle looks menacingly at him (just kidding).

[Skinner put all kidding aside at noon last Wednesday. And he will soon put you aside, too, Perry.]

10. It's exciting to see young people getting involved in politics, but
a. did they screw up or WHAT?
b. they should stick to writing crappy songs (they can write crappy songs about how they destroyed the Democratic Party their first time out!)
c. they should take ecstasy and watch "South Park." (I don't hate that show. Not really.)
d. I was just kidding about the songs. Young people have GOT to stop writing songs.

[Oh, definitely "a." Now to see how your fellow DUmmies react to having their summer break interrupted with a pop quiz at 6 a.m. on a Friday morning.]

Do you like pizza?

[With extra ham.]

Grave Dancing on a Friday!! Woo Hoo!!

[DUmmies gone wild.]

Perry Logan is committing suicide by moderator.

[The mods aren't awake yet. Perry's still got a few hours left.]

He's clearly looking to go out in a blaze of glory.

I'm thinking the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

[Perry's not that good a filmmaker.]

C'mon Perry, you're better than this.

[Have you seen his videos? He really isn't.]

Your test itself gets a zero - as no correct answers are available

[There are too many correct answers and no "all of the above" options.]

There is no misogyny here - it is entirely possible to be very pro-women and prefer Obama to HRC. Had HRC run in 2004, would it have been a man hating action to vote HRC over Bush, or would it simply be that someone doesn't like Bush.

[As of noon the 11th, there never was any misogyny on DU. No one called Hillary a whore, no one called Maddy McCall a bitch. It never happened.]

Clearly, a sleeper agent for the Republicans, from the get-go

[Yeah, right.]

So you broke out of the attic just to come get some pizza?

[That's FUnnie, I aways pictured Perry locked away in an attic.]

Those Posters Who Rec'd Should Get A Suspension

[And a kewpie doll.]

They should also TS everyone who recommended this spew of hatred.

[Calling the Thought Police.]

You're even a chickenshit; can't return to face the inevitable. Weak.

[I suspect the next we'll hear from Perry is one of his ridiculous YouTube rants, this time about DU.]


Divisive. Flamebait.

[Here Lies A Disrupter. He Disrupted Poorly.]


Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Heidi (DU moderator) Locking. Divisive. Flamebait.

Gee, ya think?

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Heidi Heidi Heidi ho!

Wow, some Republicans would be hard pressed to come up with those good Obama jabs. At least he's got that going for him.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous elrond hubbard said...

Perry's done his homework, he knows Obama and his myriad failings, omissions, denials and lies. Still, come November who will he vote for.....who? McCain? Nader? Party discipline will prevail, Perry will flip the "D" lever.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Ray said...

Hay PJ, when are you going to share some of that smoked pork? I have a recipe for smoked Norther Pike if you're interested.

6:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tolerance prevails at the DU!

11:25 AM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

I have GDP blocked to cut down the noise a bit, but I'm sorry I missed this one.

1:34 PM  

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