Thursday, December 06, 2007

"DETERMINED, STEADY KUCINICH QUADRUPLES SUPPORT"



If DUmmieland could elect a President, it would no doubt be Dennis Kucinich. He's the wackiest of the current crop of Dems (with the possible exception of Mike "Potted Plant" Gravel), which naturally makes Kookcinich the Favorite Moonbat of the Reality-Based Community. So now when a new poll shows Kookie SOARING in the polls, it brings hope and elation to deflated DUmmie spirits! Get ready to pop those champagne corks, boys, Denny is ON HIS WAY! That's the optimistic outlook (aka wishful thinking) of this THREAD, "DETERMINED, STEADY KUCINICH QUADRUPLES SUPPORT."

Uh, just one thing, though. Kookie's meteoric rise is rather . . . relative, let us say. Dennis the Minus may have risen into the positive digits, but you still need a magnifying lens to find him. Oh, well, one must look for SOME straws to grasp at, when the alternative is Hillary the Inevitable.

So pull up your flying saucer and let us now have a Close Encounter of the Kookie Kind, as we read the hallucinations of the former Boy Wonder's base, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering what planet Elizabeth Kucinich is from, is in the [brackets]:

DETERMINED, STEADY KUCINICH QUADRUPLES SUPPORT

[YES!! NEXT STOP, WHITE HOUSE!!!]

BRADENTON, Fla., Dec. 5, 2007 -- It's been a long time coming. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH, 10th). . . .

[DOH!]

. . . has quadrupled his standing in the polls, according to the current USA Today/Gallup Poll.

[QUADRUPLED!!!! WOW! That's AMAZING! PHENOMENAL!!!]

The poll of Democrats and those leaning toward the Democrats in the 2008 presidential election shows Kucinich tied with Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE), the well-known chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, and New Mexico's Gov. Bill Richardson; he is far ahead of second-generation Conn. Democrat Sen. Chris Dodd.

[IN YOUR FACE, DODD! Take your second-generation la-de-da Connecticut tea-and-crumpets and SHOVE IT! We are FAR AHEAD of you, hear?! FAR ahead! Yes, Dennis is up there now with the big boys, with . . . with . . . Biden? Richardson? Uh, mm, where's Hillary, Obama, and Edwards? Is there a typo here or something?]

Rep. Dennis Kucinich has started emerging from the margins and polls show his popularity up sharply as voters respond to a populist message aimed at working Americans.

[OUT from the margins! UP sharply! Populist! Working! Yes!!]

Among progressives, according to a presidential straw poll released today of 15,000 members of the grassroots Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Kucinich is far stronger than the rest of the Democratic field.

[FAR stronger . . . among . . . 15,000 . . . PDA members. . . . Hmmm . . . well. . . . Grasping at straw polls here. . . .]

These improvements come as Kucinich's message of competence, integrity and foresight is reaching a wider audience. . . .

[COMPETENCE! INTEGRITY! FORESIGHT!]

He has also had to fight off ridicule after NBC debate host Tim Russert asked him if he had seen a UFO. Kucinich, like President Jimmy Carter and orbiting NASA astronauts, admitted that he had - during a visit to the home of Shirley Maclaine - and precipitated a wave of late-night jokes aimed at his supposed gullibility.

[Dennis is every bit as sane as Shirley MacLaine! Take THAT, Tim Russert!]

Kucinich has finally gained parity with the top "second-tier" candidates. . . .

[Yes! Dennis is up there with the TOP second-tier candidates! WHOO-HOO!

Enough of this objective, hard-hitting news article. Now let's get on to the comments of the Reality-Based Community. . . .]

Go, Dennis!

[You're about to SKYROCKET, take off, like a spacecraft heading for the Mother Ship!]

good news!

[WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

I love DK, but going from 0.5 to 2% does not a President make.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

It was 1% to 4%. . . .

[WHOA! Now we have a conflict between the Two-Percenters and the Four-Percenters! Which is it?? In any case, the point to remember is, Dennis has QUADRUPLED!!!!]

I think I'll buy 4 Powerball tickets and quadruple my chance of winning too!

[I detect a note of sarcasm here.]

Nobody but Dennis in 2008.

[Dennis or DEATH! Dennis or . . . move to another PLANET!]

Impeach them now and vote for Dennis!

[Impeach Hillary! Impeach Obama! Impeach Edwards! Impeach the pollsters! Impeach EVERYONE who doesn't support Dennis!]

I support Kucinich 400% more than I did. . . .

[There! See? QUADRUPLED!]

Woo-hoo!

[I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

And in the midst of all this whoopee about Dennis's metoric rise in the polls, he announces that he will run to fill his seat in the House again.

[Plan B from Outer Space.]

He certainly gets more support at DU than he did in '04; of course, that doesn't necessarily reflect the rest of the population.

[Ya think?]

We're finishing the second campaign season in a row he's been involved in. DK has been invited to every debate, and has had two seasons' worth of chances to raise money and advertise. He's gotten to speak to even more people. His supporters are spreading the word non-stop, as they were in '04. And yet he's still polling at the same sub-5% mark he did in 2004.

[It must be a conspiracy! DEMAND . . . POLLEE-VERIFIED PAPER POLLS!!]

Why isn't DK covered?

[It's hard to get coverage for mental-health issues if it's a pre-existing condition.]

DK has a favorable-image rating of only 24%, compared to 40% unfavorable. That's the worst in the Democratic party, excepting joke candidate Mike Gravel.

[You're calling Mike Gravel a JOKE?! How dare you?! Didn't you see him stare into the camera and then throw that rock into the lake?? And you call him a JOKE??!!]

The polls he has "won" are bogus online polls.

[Ssshhhhh!!!]

You know, if he went from 0% to 1% it would be an infinite increase in support. . . .

[TO INFINITY . . . AND BEYOND!]

Did you see the reaction on Wolf Blitzer's face when Kucinich had another one of his infamous grand mal seizures about impeachment? . . . Is this some kind of disease?

[BDS has no known cure.]

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Desperate times in DUmmieland!

Shrillary is shrinking, Obama is not-ready-for-prime-time, and ANY of the Republicans will thump his limp milquetoast rhetoric into a paste, and... then there's Edwards.

Poor John. What a waste of meat.

By comparison, maybe the Kookster isn't such a bad bet?

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Mongrul said...

Wake up bitches!! The Dennis is going to rock Hitlerys world! He's going to stand up to his FULL 4'8" height, don the MIGHTY hat of tin, SPIN the propeller of truth, and call in the MOTHER of all motherships to put a cap in hitlery's ass!! She will be beemed to the mothership, and subjected to anal probes, and cankle studies while HE, the Mighty Dennis, excepts his coronation to the crown!! If your smart, you tOO will don your mighty Tin Caps of strength, and get on The Dennis bandwagon of Truth!!

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We should offer a trade...

Ron Paul and a hundred feet of tinfoil...

for Kucinich's wife.

9:08 PM  
Anonymous redherkey said...

400% increase? ORLY?

Actually, as a risk manager, I love people like this. They explain penny stocks, the dot-com era and the profitability of casinos.

At the tail end of the polls, we find candidates like Dennis competing head-on with Mr. Error. There's nothing but noise down there, so you'd expect to see large variance on the numbers of those candidates. Consider, if I poll 100 people and get 1 Dennis supporter last week, and just happen to get one more this week, that's a whopping 200% increase.

This is the inverse of the law of large numbers at work. Like good liberals, these people are the champions of statistical error.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I'd give my left nut to see the evil elf win the primaries.

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"Why isn't DK covered?"

[It's hard to get coverage for mental-health issues if it's a pre-existing condition.]

LOL Good one!

10:59 AM  
Anonymous Ray said...

"Rep. Dennis Kucinich has started emerging from the margins and polls show his popularity up sharply as voters respond to a populist message aimed at working Americans."

Hah! Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen! Found 'em.


"Among progressives, according to a presidential straw poll released today of 15,000 members of the grassroots Progressive Democrats of America (PDA), Kucinich is far stronger than the rest of the Democratic field."

Well that's great! That's just fucking great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do, man? We're in some real pretty shit now!


"DK has a favorable-image rating of only 24%, compared to 40% unfavorable. That's the worst in the Democratic party, excepting joke candidate Mike Gravel."

Game over, man. Game over!

11:32 AM  
Anonymous true patriot said...

Here's a REAL LEADER! One who knows, and cares about the countrys children!

Just like President Kucinich will be!

2:52 PM  

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