Friday, July 27, 2007

Pied Piper Pitt Goes On A Massive Drunken Rant


As soon as I saw the posting time of this William Rivers Pitt thread, I knew it could be a case of PUI (Posting Under the Influence). Pitt posted this THREAD titled, "Mark the time: The main headline on the DU front page is a 9/11 'Loose Change' thread," at 1:34 AM this morning. It is only peripherally about the Truther producer of the "Loose Change" 9/11 conspiracy film being arrested for desertion. It is really about Pitt's loud declaration of proud inebriation. The posting time was the big clue here since those early AM Pitt postings mean that he has just crawled back from Bukowski's and is writing his comedically drunken rants while PUI. See, in the Alternate Universe of Pitt's fantasy, Karl Rove really was indicted on May 12 of last year and Pitt is now a major player in both the media and the political campaigns where his sage advice is being eagerly sought by several of the Democrat presidential candidates. Perhaps that is what Pitt believes when he is in his frequent comatose states. Unfortunately for Pitt, he must always wake up to the cold cruel reality of being the object of mockery as well as being shunned even by the likes of the Mike Gravel campaign. So let us know break out the bubbly and join Pitt's drunken rant in the flushed color of Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who limited his alcoholic consumption last night to three...err four bottles of Yuengling, is in the [brackets]:


Mark the time: The main headline on the DU front page is a 9/11 'Loose Change' thread.


[Mark the time: 1:34 AM. The SURE sign of a PUI Pitt rant.]


Bzzzt...cannot compute...Grovelbot must send thread to 9/11 forum...bzzzt...but on front page... melting...melting...what... a...world...what...a...world...


[Bzzzt...Pitt...melting...melting... Pitt...cannot...compute...reality. Melting...]


No biggie, I just know there can be static when threads go downstairs, and I show up, and WHAM, there it is, hello, we're DU, come on in and have a seat, and tell me, what do you know about Bildebergers and chem trails and dolphins carrying nukes to create tsunamis? Nothing? Great...have you read my newsletter? Are you wearing a wire? What's the frequency, Kenneth?


[What do you know about Karl Rove's indictment, 24 business hours? Nothing? Great...have you read TruthOut? Are you wearing a bib? What's the frequency, Jason?]


*fleeing*

[*fleecing*]


I am only teasing. Please don't get angry. If we can't poke fun at ourselves, we're...well...pretty crappy boring people.


[I am only drinking. Please don' get angry. If we can't poke at Ben Burch, we're...well...pretty crappy boring people.]


*fleeing again*


[And now that Pitt has fled under the table, let us look at the DUmmie comments on his comedically inebriated state. Oh, and don't worry. Pitt will come back and back and back again on this thread...]


I love you Will. Not sure why sometimes...but there it is ....back to the kitchen for another Ketel One and olives....


[Gin does make for a great lubricant for the Pitt mind.]


Never got martinis, or especially gin. I was mid-20s and in full-bore bar hop mode in San Francisco all during the freakin swing music craze. Everyone had to have martinis like the guys from Swingers. Me? I thought the stuff was good only for cleaning carbureators. And any who drank it were just posin'. Scotch for me, or Jamesons, or Bushmills if the IRA isn't about.


[Pitt confessing that he never made it past the Scotch and Irish whiskey stage. Of course, he is currently progressing to the Thunderbird stage as he surveys his political career that never was.]


Gin. Bleh. I was eventually convinced there are, in fact, people who like gin. All the ones knocking it back a decade ago? Wine coolers.


[Wine coolers were nothing more than slickly marketed Sangria. BTW, Pitt's brain must be atrophied by all that Bukowski's brew since it was about TWO decades ago when wine coolers were big.]


Gin = wheat from the chaff, it seems.


[And Pitt is angry because he has been consigned to the political chaff, it seems.]


You have a newsletter?


[Correct. Pitt is an editor of TruthOut where he made public his scoop about Karl Rove's indictment. As a result, TruthOut has been REMOVED as a source for Google News.]


MIHIP MIHOP MIHOP. Just do it!


[IHOP IHOP IHOP. Just eat it!]


Will, the ice caps are really melting exposing the truth on what humans have wrought. The truth of 911 is a rock that is covered but the icy, faulty lies of the 911 commission.


[This is a crises. What will Will do for ice cubes to cool his Bushmill's?]


These 'Loose-Changers' are the ones who are really running the world. Wake up, America.


[These 'Loose-Screws' are the ones who are really running DUmmieland. Wake up, Will.]


We don't fight in GD. We pummel mercilessly and gloat prematurely.


[I believe that is called, "Freudenschade."]


theres no I-word in this thread


[How about "Intoxicated" or "Inebriated?"]


Icarus!!!

Istanbul!!!

Idiosyncracies!!!

Idiom!!!

Ibid. <--- yeah, period there, boo yah.

Icarus!!!

Ick!!!!!

Icki Icki Icki Icki Ptang nawooowam wamma woo burble burble...



[Very good, Will. Now if you can walk a straight line while touching your nose, we will allow you to continue MIHOPing back to your unfurnished room.]



I think he could have handled this better... he wouldn't have been the first to go public and say he was refusing to deploy based on what he believed in regards to the war. Would probably have gotten a lot of support.

[Why are you posting about the "Loose Change" producer when this thread is really about Pitt examining his self-inebriation?]


"I think he could have handled this better..."

A 9/11 Truther...might possibly handle something better???

Perish the thought.


[Any drunken thoughts about Fitzmas Truthers, Will? Continue PUI...]


Maybe all of us could take that lesson.

Except me. Just here. In all other threads, I just suck. But here, we be cool.


[Don't be so hard on yourself, Will. Anybody could have fallen prey to the lies of Jason Leopold especially after his many frauds were exposed loud and clear all over the web.]


Because this thread is supposed to be fun. And...brace yourself...that's OK.


[WHEE! Break out the Bushmills!]


Because if we can't tease each other, laugh at and with each other, if we're TOO HUGE IN OUR OPINIONS OF OUR BELIEFS AND WHO WE ARE to accept ribbing and smiling and well-meant fun between friends...


[I promise I won't tease you, Will, for another 24 business hours.]


Then we're done. No impeachment, no 9/11 truth, no anything. Maybe that's why GD is always so brutal. Everyone is too bristled in defense.


[GD has been especially brutal on your for a little over the past year, Pitt.]


I. Am. Teasing. 9/11. People. The sun will rise, and maybe some people will smile.


[You. Are. Drunk. 24/7. Will. The sun will rise, and maybe you will be comatose.]


Be human. It's fun.


[Be drunk. It's fun.]


And feel free to mock my ass. I got called a drunk, enabler, liar, fraud, jealous of Cindy's media attention, Dem sycophant, Establishment whore, and that was over the last 48 hours...all because I wanted a plan beyond sloganeering...from people who want to see things get done...but have no tolerance for anyone trying to organize actual tactical plans.


[Hmmm. It seems that there was an interesting Pitt bashing thread in DUmmieland that I have missed. A kewpie doll to whoever can provide the link.]



If that ain't funny on it's face, well, you need to go to a water park or an arcade. Or read Vonnegut. Or H.S. Thompson. Or Leviticus, with an eye for satire...God: "Yea, thou shalt not fart audibly beside the boulder with the green moss on the Sabbath next to any who lie with sisters while wearing clothes of different thread after being near butter or fish or very small twigs in a nest filled with sin and flounder..."


[You need to go to Bukowski's. Or read Pitt. Or Leopold.]


Moses: "...wait...um...am I stoning someone, or just getting stoned...ah...help? Loud Scary Voice Guy? Shit. Guess I'll have to wing it."


[Pitt: "...I am just getting stoned. Help!"]


Welcome to history. We get monotheism. Whee!


[Welcome to Bukowski's. We get drunk. Whee!]


All in the same lifeboat.


[Being in a lifeboat with Pitt. What a depressing thought. I NEED a drink!]


Gonna go play minature golf with the kid tomorrow...well, later today if the rain stays away.


[Playing minature golf in the rain is the BEST way to play.]


I did edits. Moses. God. Stones or stoned.


[Yes. One must always carefully proofread a drunken rant to make sure it contains just the proper level of senselessness, Will.]


Feast.

It's pretty much what we have left, at bottom. They're last triumph might be convincing us of the futility of human contact. But every human everywhere smiles.

You will take my smile when you pry it from my cold dead...um...gums. Yeah. Try it.

[No need to edit the above, Will, since it meets all the requirements of a senseless drunken rant.]


Yeah, my fault.

Or, by this flippant post, I direct attention.

Know who the funniest comics are?

The ones who talk about suffering, injustice and state crime.

Can you think of a few?

I can.

Smile. You're alive, and able to stand and struggle, or roll and struggle, or sit and struggle, or lay and struggle...because the struggle is in the mind and heart.

So smile.


[Bukowski's haiku. Perhaps you should recite it to Kevin Spacey if you can ever get him to visit your unfurnished room.]


LOL...........I'm going to the beach tomorrow where the water is free.


[But they charge for parking at Fire Island, Ben Burch.]


So's the sand and sun and company and air and shells

Have. So. Much. Fun.

Smile. Lots.


[Pitt never goes sunbathing for fear it will expose his pasty fishbelly white pallid skin to a healthy tan.]


Go to bed, Will.


[And sleep until Jan. 20, 2009. Hee! Hee!]


No. Party in my happy GD thread. There hasn't been a happy GD thread since November.

You go to bed. Toronto won't make the playoffs before you wake up.

Ooo.

He shoots.

He scores.

At least you're screen name isn't Baltimore-Oriole. $42 million on the bullpen, worst pitching in baseball. Quasar bad. Bad enough to have gravity, bad enough to bend light.

Toronto is over .500, 51-50.

Great. You're a crummy Hagar-era Van Halen album.

Eww.


[The FUnniest thing about this post is at the very beginning where it says: "Edited on Fri Jul-27-07 03:33 AM by WilliamPitt"]

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang, what a loser.

Skul

9:38 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

Pitt is a perfect example of why alcohol and stupidity should not be mixed.

"Or read Vonnegut. Or H.S. Thompson. Or Leviticus, with an eye for satire"

Ok

Do not drink wine nor strong drink, Will, nor thy fellow DUmmies with thee, when ye venture into the dark recesses of the blogsphere, lest ye be featured prominently within the hallowed journals of the Dummie FUnnies

10:14 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

""Or read Vonnegut. Or H.S. Thompson. Or Leviticus, with an eye for satire"

Ok, here's another one:

Like so many DUmmies, Will was trying to construct a life that made sense from the things he drank at Bukowski's

All rantings are rantings. It does not change. It does not lend itself to inspiration or accuracy. It simply is. Take it verse by verse, and you will find that Will is, as I've said before, drunk at Bukowski's

How nice--to understand nothing, and still get featured prominently on DUmmie FUnnies for being drunk

10:42 AM  
Anonymous ray said...

I'm having so much fun with this that I decided to combing my two previous posts with Will drunken rantings for sake of clarity.

"Or read Vonnegut. Or H.S. Thompson. Or Leviticus, with an eye for satire"

Do not drink wine nor strong drink, Will, nor thy fellow DUmmies with thee, when ye venture into the dark recesses of the blogsphere, lest ye be featured prominently within the hallowed journals of the Dummie FUnnies

"Scotch for me, or Jamesons, or Bushmills if the IRA isn't about"

Like so many DUmmies, Will was trying to construct a life that made sense from the things he drank at Bukowski's

"Icarus!!!

Istanbul!!!

Idiosyncracies!!!

Idiom!!!

Ibid. <--- yeah, period there, boo yah.

Icarus!!!

Ick!!!!!

Icki Icki Icki Icki Ptang nawooowam wamma woo burble burble..."


All rantings are rantings. They do not change. They do not lend themselves to inspiration or accuracy. They simply are. Take it verse by verse, and you will find that Will is, as I've said before, drunk at Bukowski's

"Welcome to history. We get monotheism. Whee!"

How nice--to understand nothing, and still get featured prominently on DUmmie FUnnies for being drunk

11:18 AM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Wow.
Implosion imminent.
24 business hours.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or ten dollars away from ----

Skul

11:51 PM  
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Anonymous research paper writing services said...

I think following his involvement in the Kucinich campaign, Pitt decided to push his career in teaching to the side in order to focus on political activism

3:46 PM  

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