SwiftSpa Attacks On John Edwards

"Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty." ---Derek Zoolander

It seems that John Edwards has been the object of vicious rightwing SwiftSpa attacks on him. What is a SwiftSpa attack? Well, it is a derivative of the SwiftBoat attacks or SwiftBoating. Originally, John Kerry was criticized by his fellow Swift Boaters that he served with in Vietnam (and in Cambodia if you buy his story about being in that country when Nixon was President in December 1968). Eventually "SwiftBoating" came to be used as a pejorative by the Left for whenever conservatives told the truth about liberal politicians. And now we have the specfic form of SwiftBoating called a SwiftSpa attack to describe the mocking of John Edwards for his $400 haircuts and visits to a beauty spa called the Pink Sapphire. At the forefront of the SwiftSpa attacks upon John Edwards is the HOT AIR blog which called upon its readers to replace the previous Edwards sobriquets of "Breck Girl" and "Silky Pony" with "Pink Sapphire." We at the DUmmie FUnnies feel this is very wrong on the part of Hot Air. "Pink Sapphire" is not what John Edwards is. It describes his LOOK. Check out the Zoolander video below and you will see that just as Derek Zoolander had his "Blue Steel" look, so too does Edwards have his patented "Pink Sapphire" look which you can see in the picture above. It is that Pink Sapphire look that Edwards uses to deadly effect. It is the look that says it's all about MEEEE!!! Pink Sapphire! See it, feel it, SAY IT!!!

Vicious Rightwingers and their
SwiftSpa Attacks.
Simply Jealous of what they
Haute Couturely lack.
...Pink Sapphire!

Rednecks shooting their
Menacing Glares,
I Mow them down,
With my Patented Stare.
...Pink Sapphire!

I'm Willing, I'm Ready,
In Spanish, "Soy Lista!"
To become the world's
Premier Fashionista.
...Pink Sapphire!

Primping and Pandering,
On subjects Retail and Racial,
While gaving Al Sharpton
A Big Back Facial.
...Pink Sapphire!

Cover me in a Tub
Full of Cucumbers and Cream
I'm so damn cute
I could just simply scream.
...Pink Sapphire!

You Go Guy!
I'm not a Crook!
I'll shoot them down
With my withering LOOK.
...Pink Sapphire!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have you ever been at the beach and seen a really hot looking chick? Most likely all you will end up doing is just stare at her, drooling like an idiot. If you try to talk to her you will probably embarrass yourself with your clumsy pickup lines. Well, GOOD NEWS! I now have a product guaranteed to make it EASY to pick up lots of hot looking women at the beach. It is a product I have been using myself and fully endorse: the amazing HELICOPTER KITE. This helicopter kite flies like a helicopter. You can make it go hundreds of feet into the air or hover it just a couple of feet off the ground. The propellor rotation is done entirely by windpower. So how does this help you pick up chicks? Simple. Just hover this helicopter kite a few feet off the ground near the hot beach chick of your choice. In most cases they will be overcome with curiosity and come over to YOU to ask about it. I've run a little experiment on this and it works on about 75% of the women (catch and release in my case since I'm married). My advice is to keep the conversation initially focused on the helicopter kite until you can later make a sneaky segue into asking her out for dinner. From that point on, you're on your own. Please check out the VIDEO of the INCREDIBLE helicopter kite. Not only was the helicopter kite aerodynamically designed but it is
also MADE IN THE USA! So feel good about purchasing an AMERICAN MADE toy which makes the perfect method for vastly enhancing your social life. The helicopter kites have a LIFETIME warranty so all defective or broken parts will be replaced. Your purchase of the helicopter kite will not only provide you with lots of hot dates but it will also help keep the DUmmie FUnnies going. So take a look at the VIDEO and be AMAZED! Remember, those hot beach chicks are waiting!

p.s. Check out what one of our happy customers had to SAY about the amazing helicopter kite.