Monday, January 23, 2006

DUmmie FUnnies 01-23-06 ("Democrats: Stand Up and Walk Out"---Pied PIper Pitt)

Pied Piper Pitt's absolute FAVORITE hobby is grandstanding. He loves nothing better than placing himself dead square at the CENTER of attention. And what better place to grab attention for himself than at the nationally televised State of the Union Address? Pitt's fantasy proposal is that EVERY Democrat at the State of the Union Address just stand up at a predetermined moment of the President's speech and silently walk out as you can see in his DUmmie THREAD titled, "Democrats: Stand Up and Walk Out." Two BIG problems with this fantasy. First if it ever did come to fruition it would backfire BIGTIME on the Democrats which is why I am actually hoping that the Democrats follow this absurd proposal. The other problem is that it would place Pied Piper Pitt in the spotlight of public attention. Of course, he would bask in the light of such publicity but such public attention would also bring Pitt notoriety of a very UNWANTED sort. Perhaps Pitt thinks that his new celebrity would automatically cancel out any skeletons rattling around in the closet. It won't. In fact it would make them worse which is ANOTHER reason why I hope Pitt's fantasy is realized. So let us now watch Pied Piper Pitt make a proposal SURE to kill the standing of the Democrats in the public esteem in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching Pitt grandstanding from across the schoolyard, is in [brackets]:

Democrats: Stand Up and Walk Out

[Schoolgirls: Stand Up and Walk Out]

To: Congressional Democrats
From: William Rivers Pitt
RE: A bold maneuver

To: Congressional Democrats
RE: A DUmb maneuver]

I have a wild and crazy idea.

[Said Pitt, just before pulling out the candy bar...]

George W. Bush’s delivery of the State of the Union address will take place on Tuesday, January 31, a little more than a week from now. It is my strong belief that every single Democrat present in the House chamber for the speech should, at a predetermined moment, stand up and walk out. No yelling. No heated words. Every Democrat should simply stand silently and leave.

[Every Democrat should simply walk out of the House Chamber...and any chance of being re-elected again.]

Crazy, I know. Crazy, and possibly the best idea ever put before a body of Democrats since the New Deal.

[The best idea ever put before a body of Democrats since the New Deal? Oh, Pitt, your modesty is soooo underwhelming.]

Understand this, congressional Democrats, and understand it well: you are not dealing merely with a body of political opponents in the GOP. You are dealing with a group of people that want you exterminated politically. The days of walking the halls of the Rayburn Building, sharing a bourbon with a colleague from the other side of the aisle, and hammering out a compromise are as dead as Julius Caesar. Collegiality is out. Mutual respect is out. They want you gone for good. Erased. Destroyed.

[Pied Piper Pitt displaying the politics of civility. However, I bet he isn't above sharing a bourbon (or two or three) with a Republican as long as it is the other guy who is paying.]

And you, you puddings, have been far too polite about this. The writing has been on the wall for a while now. Back in 1995, Republican Senator Phil Gramm said, “We’re going to keep building the party until we’re hunting Democrats with dogs.” That was eleven years ago. If you listen close, you can hear the beasts baying in the distance, waiting to slip the leash. Your limp tactics in the face of the assault upon you, your vacillation, your strange hope that maybe the GOP will be nicer tomorrow, has left you all smelling like Alpo.

[If you listen close, Pitt, you can hear the underage female dogs baying in the distance.]

For the love of God, you are being compared to Osama bin Laden all over network television because some within your ranks have had the courage to question the war in Iraq. It hasn’t been subtle. Bin Laden, according to the right-wing talking heads, is getting his talking points straight from Howard Dean. These are the out-front spokespeople for the folks running the GOP right now. If you think there is compromise to be had with these people, if you think there is quarter to be given to you, then I have a nice, big, red bridge to sell you in San Francisco.

[How about a nice little bridge in Chappaquiddick?]

I know you believe the Abramoff scandal is going to be your bread and butter in the upcoming midterm elections. I hate to break it to you, but you have already been outflanked. The television nitwits have flooded the airwaves with the meme that this is a “two-party scandal,” despite the fact that Abramoff would have sooner lit himself on fire than give money to a Democrat. As you have been collectively incapable of setting the record straight in public, with the exception of a two-minute crunch between Howard Dean and Wolf Blitzer on CNN that left Blitzer spluttering impotently, understand that “this scandal affects both parties” is now commonly accepted fact all across the land.

[Yeah, I saw the amounts that Abramoff gave to Republicans. Most of the donations ranged around $500 and a thousand bucks. Chump change in campaign terms. Somehow I don't think a typical official with a campaign fund totalling around a million dollars is going to be influenced (bribed) by those piddling amounts. Oh, and MERRY FITZMAS!]

Oh, yeah, P.S., the investigation is being run out of the Department of Justice. If this scandal does touch some sixty Republican officeholders, as Abramoff’s donation history indicates, do you really think this White House is going to let the investigation get far enough to do real damage? If so, I again need to mention that big, red bridge I have for sale.

[How about a big red schoolbus, Pitt? Is that for sale?]

In all likelihood, however, the White House won’t even need to derail the Abramoff investigation to save Republicans from their ridiculous greed. Did you see the Washington Post headline from Friday? It read, “Rove: GOP to Use Terror as Campaign Issue.” In reality, the headline should have read “GOP to Use Terror as Campaign Tactic.” Once again, the Republicans are going to try to win midterm elections by scaring the hell out of the American people. This time, the fear factor will center around Iran and nuclear weapons.

[Thank God you for our Pied Piper Pitt who is the ONLY one who can counteract the EVIL Repulicans with his State of the Union walkout shtick.]

The intelligence specialists in the United States, Germany and Israel all agree that Iran is between three and five years away from being able to manufacture nuclear weapons. This, of course, is based on the premise that such manufacture is Iran’s goal. Take it as a given that it is, and we have at least three years to use diplomacy, economic pressures and possibly sanctions to keep them from creating these bombs.

[And if you're wrong about that three year "breather" the Middle East becomes radioactive. Hmmm... Do we actually DO something about this now or trust the wise geopolitical judgement of Pied Piper Pitt? Such a tough decision.]

But “three to five years” isn’t going to help the GOP win the midterm elections. They need things to be scary, and they need things to be scary now. The same right-wing groups that ginned up the fantasy that Iraq was laden with weapons of mass destruction, and was an imminent threat, are now at work building up a martial froth about Iran. They did this in time for the midterms last year, and are preparing to do it again.

[Yes, let us trust in the benificence of President Hostage-Taker of Iran, a man of mild rhetoric. Of course, the fact that there could be a major NUCLEAR WAR in the Middle East (and possibly elsewhere) takes a backseat to the fact that those DARN Republicans could win more seats in the mid-term elections.]

United Press International carried a story last Thursday about a group called the Foundation for Democracy in Iran. This group, according to the UPI story, claims that, “Tehran is planning a nuclear weapons test before the Iranian New Year on March 20, 2006.” FDI, according to the story, offered absolutely no proof to back this claim. But that’s not three to five years. That’s less than ten weeks. Scary stuff, right?

[Not as scary as the words coming out of Iran's President Hostage-Taker's own mouth.]

Take a closer look, however, and you can see the fingerprints of the architects of our current Iraq boondoggle all over this. The Foundation for Democracy in Iran is run by a man named Kenneth Timmerman. Timmerman is umbilically connected to the godfather of right-wing think tanks, the American Enterprise Institute. It was the American Enterprise Institute that spawned the Project for the New American Century, the think tank that gave us Cheney, Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, the original noise about Iraqi WMD and the idea that a military takeover of the entire Mideast is a bully idea. The same people that terrorized the American people into unnecessary war in Iraq are preparing to do the same with Iran, and all in time for the midterms.

[It is all a plot by the Jude...uh, I mean Neocons.]

One must also note the irony of the suggested date for this Iranian nuclear test. March 20, 2006, for those not paying attention, is the three-year anniversary of our invasion of Iraq. And round and round we go.

[One must also note the irony of the post by Pied Piper Pitt concerning the Jan. 20 news articles about the photos of the hostages taken in Iran appearing in the news outlets. To Pitt it was a sign of an impending attack on Iran. However, if Pitt actually THOUGHT for a couple of seconds he would have figured out that the reason for those pics was because that date was the 25th anniversary of the release of the hostages from Iran. DUhhhhhhhh!]

You’ve been outflanked, Democrats. Abramoff won’t help you, and the noise machine is preparing to terrorize the American people into such a distracted state that anything you say in the next ten months will be lost amid the howling. The midterms are pretty much a done deal, and your continued marginalization will proceed at speed.

[Therefore my solution is for you to marginalize yourself off the edge of the cliff by walking out on the President in the middle of his State of the Union Address.]

You can stomp your feet and yell at the wall. You can put your head in your hands and weep. You can sit silently and be simply satisfied that your own job-for-life is secure, thanks to your friendly district back home, and be damned to actually doing anything of substance. In other words, you can continue to do what you’ve been doing since this outrageous assault on basic American democracy began.

[But wait, Pitt! Haven't you heard about the April 23rd Bowel Movement when you DUmmies are going to bring down the economy by withdrawing your dimes from the bank and selling off your vast penny stock portfolios? This is SURE to bring down the EVIL Bush Regime.]

Or you can stand up.

[Stand up and be frisked.]

It takes a spine to stand up. Find yours. Get up and walk out of the State of the Union speech. Turn your backs on the blizzard of lies and empty promises that are sure to pour forth from that podium. Give it exactly what it deserves.

[Stand up and turn your backs on any future poltical credibility.]

Walk outside to the steps of the Capitol Building and hold a Counter-State-of-the-Union. Lay out your plans for a better future. Explain how you will reform the system that spawned Mr. Abramoff. Demand answers and explanations about what is happening in Iraq, what is happening over at the National Security Agency, and why this administration believes itself to be completely above the law.

[Hold a Counter-State-of-the-Union. Lay out your plans for a better future...and issue a pardon to Pied Piper Pitt.]

I can even offer a bit of text for your opening statement. “Three years ago during this very speech,” your leading spokesperson can say from those steps, “Mr. Bush told us that Iraq was in possession of 26,000 liters of anthrax, 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin, 500 tons – which is one million pounds – of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent, 30,000 missiles to deliver the stuff, mobile biological weapons labs, al Qaeda connections, and uranium from Niger for use in a robust nuclear weapons program. He said all this three years ago, during this all-important annual address, and all of it was a lie. The American people deserve an explanation.”

[Sheesh! Such modesty. Not only does Pied Piper Pitt propose that the Democrats destroy themselves by walking out on the State of the Union address but he is even writing their self-destruct speeches for them.]

See? It’s easy. All it takes is courage.

[And a large measure of STUPIDITY.]

What I am talking about is political theater on a grand scale. No opposition party in American history has ever turned their backs on a President and walked out of a State of the Union address. No opposition party has faced the degree of potential extermination the Democrats face today. The stakes have never been higher. You are dealing with a President who wants to make his Executive powers absolute, and with a Republican party that has been usurped from soup to nuts by extremists that would be cartoonish if they were not so very real.

[Welcome to the DUmmie Theater of the Absurd as directed by Pied Piper Pitt.]

Abramoff won’t help you. The fear factor will subsume you. You can sit there and take it, clapping politely as the ram rolls towards you, or you can stand up and make yourselves relevant again. To walk out of the speech would be a huge statement, bold and potentially dangerous. But if you don’t do something bold, something grand and unprecedented, something to take back the initiative, you will join the Whigs in the dustbin of history.

[Do they allow Whigs in prison? Oops! It's wigs that they don't allow in prison. Just ask Jim Traficant who had the dead squirrel sitting atop his head taken away from him upon being incarcerated.]

Stand up. Walk out. You have a week to get this organized.

[Or busted, Pitt... Now let us hear from the DUmmie Lemmings for whom Pied Piper Pitt was playing his latest self-destruct tune.]

Now if William Pitt will join the effort and call for mass protests at the State of Union....that would be something....

[WORK! I'm afraid that William Pitt the Plunger might be preoccupied with other matters soon.]

the leaders will follow only when weTHEpeople lead!

[Please follow the DUmmies over the cliff!]

Our "Rump" Congress get off its Rump?
Not a chance.

[Our DUmmies get off their rumps? Not a chance. The glow from the computer screen is just too warm to get away from.]

Thanks for the daydream. Felt good to read it. Waking up is hard.

[Then go back to sleep and enjoy dreaming of the Alternate Reality.]

Doubt if Lieberman and Obama would agree...!

[Or any Democrat up for re-election this year.]

I have another idea, too. What if they walked out and instead gave their seats to constituents from their states/districts? What if the audience was packed with average working people?

[Or wacko DUmmies? I like the idea of presenting great comedy on the tube.]

Go for it Will. Like them we have nothing to lose by trying.

[Go for it Will. You have nothing to lose except for 3 to 5 years with time off for good behavior.]

Instead, they should stand up to Alito this week! I want action, not feel good symbols! Please focus on Alito instead...We can win this one if we pull together!

[Sorry but this is the week of your ApocAlito.]

a nationwide hunger strike by tens of millions of citizens would do the trick, mind you (the repukes might see this as a guilty whistling-and-looking-up-at-the-ceiling way to get ridda all us whiners ) but when vast numbers of foreigners also join in the hunger strike, to pressure their mediawhores and governments, in sympathy with the US liberals/democrats (and why should all the burden be borne by americans when bush is obviously a global danger acting in contradiction to every living thing's future?) then at some point the enormity of the opposition to bush would become plain as the ass on george bush...btw no one would really have to starve (haha gopig!) we all just wear a blue ribbon or sometrhing saying 'we're on hunger strike until impeachment proceeding begin against bush, and a public prosecutor starts to looks into the media's rightwing whoring' etc....if the democratic party doesn't act in solidarity against the busheviks at the SOTU, then maybe a national hunger protest would be necessary (desperate times demand desperate measures)

[Yeah, that national hunger strike should do the trick...until you get the munchies around noontime and make a beeline for Mickey D's.]

Just got an email from Cindy Sheehan. She will be there on the 31st for a people's state of the union. Hm...

[Thanx for that info, Pitt. Now if only Michael Moore and Harry Belafonte show up, it should be an outstanding success.]

Yes Will, as a poster above said, add something about Florida 2000.

[And Dingell-Norwood.]

Mr Pitt please add This spying scandal.

[And Dingell-Norwood.]

It'll Never Happen. It will take a week for them just to discuss
the ramifications of such an action.

[Just like DUAC. What happened to that? DUAC! DUAC!]

to Will Pitt: personally I think might be a better chance of having the dems just boycott the SOTU- not show up in the first place - than do something some would paint as a divisive, disruptive maneuver.

[Or, better yet, stage a hunger strike by not eating lunch that day in the Capitol cafeteria.]

I have to go out for the afternoon. When the truthout version of this goes up later this afternoon, can someone post it in a thread so we can get signatures? Thanks.

[Pied Piper Pitt needs an afternoon "breather" at Bukowski's. After being properly fortified he will type up the rest of his Democrat Self-Destruct Manifesto.]

Dear Senator Kerry:

An idea has begun to circulate on the internet, on such sites as DemocraticUnderground, that on January 31, when Mr. Bush gives the State of the Union, at a pre-determined moment, all the Democrats get up and walk out, en masse. They would then hold a counter State-of-the-Union address, raising the vital questions concerning the lies, deceptions and illegal activity of Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, etc. and laying out a plan for the future. If this could be done without advanced notice to the press, so that the "protest walk-out" would be a surprise, that would be even better. We are at a stage in our country's history similar to that before the Revolution and during the Vietnam War protests. You have always been a leader, one who analyzes carefully (said analysis sometimes mistaken as being over-cautious) and then acts boldly and decisively. I hope you will take the lead in organizing this "mass protest." I fear nothing else will awaken the media to its dereliction of duty, nor demonstrate to the majority of Americans who want real leadership, not demagoguery, that it still exists among our elected officials.

[The best part of this plan is the surprise factor. As you have written, we have NO ADVANCE notice of this Democrat Self-Destruct scheme.]

Dems should schedule a TV viewing with pizzas instead of watching the cavalcade of lies.

[Chicago style or pan pizza?]

"Audacity, audacity, always audacity !"

[And I'll be using the Audacity software for my upcoming DUmmie FUnnies audio podcast.]

Let's not wait for congress, let's hit the streets ourselves!
On the night of Tuesday Jan 31st, thousands of us in the SF Bay Area will hit the streets in protest of Bush and his agenda. We will gather in Union Sq in SF and make noise during the speech, then topple a 30ft paper mache statue of Bush.

[And don't forget to spend Not One Damn Dime.]

Trouble is, they can't arrest and detain over HALF of the population that demonstrably can't stand their current furher.

[I'm already seeing the beginnings of a legal strategy here: "Hey! I'm not being arrested over some trumped up schoolkid charges. I'm REALLY being arrested because I'm organizing a major protest against the EVIL Bush Regime!"]

Will - You are EVERYWHERE!!!

[Including Newton, MA.]


[YOU ARE A ROCK STAR! You will soon be hammering rocks with the best of them!]


[The new Nike commercial.]

Will Pitt...from your mouth to their ears...I hope.

["Will Pitt...from your mouth to their ears." Are you quoting court testimony?]


Blogger RightWingRocker said...

If this could be done without advanced notice to the press, so that the "protest walk-out" would be a surprise, that would be even better.

The press would have an orgasm over it, one way or the other.

What a gas!


2:57 PM  
Blogger TDTW said...

To: Congressional Democrats
RE: A DUmb maneuver]


10:47 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

PLEASE let this happen!... Then our President can dismiss them all with a simple one-liner like "Well, we've sent the kids off to bed and now can get on with the business of this great country."
And Bush goes up another 10 points in the polls.

Shouldn't lil' Willy be concentrating on preparing a defense for hims... err... that "sockpuppet" character?

4:41 AM  
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7:41 AM  

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