Tuesday, November 29, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-29-05 (Pied Piper Pitt SLAMS Mark Warner Over Iraq)

Oh how the mighty have fallen! Until today the Golden Boy Designate of the Democrats was Virginia Governor, Mark Warner. Yes, he was believed to be THE ONE to defeat Hillary and lead the Democrats in victory back into the White House in 2008. I recently watched Warner for the first time on CSPAN and my own impression was the guy is a lightweight. However, being an EVIL rightwinger, perhaps my judgement of him is flavored by bias. But now we have PROOF that Mark Warner is indeed mentally challenged in the political realm as you can see in this THREAD posted by the self-glorifying Pied Piper Pitt titled, "Another one. Jesus Baldheaded Christ, another one." Yes, Pitt, ANOTHER one who has shot himself in the foot again. Perhaps this political suicide committed by Warner could be considered a mercy killing since if he hadn't taken himself out of the action (according to the DUmmies) he would have been CRUSHED under by the Hillary Machine. Oh, and Pitt, if you haven't figured it out yet...Hillary WILL be your nominee in 2008. Karl Rove has determined that Hillary is the EASIEST candidate to beat and thus has behind the scenes been making arrangements for her 2008 nomination. Scream all you want, DUmmies, but there is NO stopping Hillary (with Karl's help). So it has been decided (by Karl) so it WILL be done. So let us enjoy some Mark Warner bashing by the DUmmies as they screech at his apostasy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing his Hillary '08 button, is in the [brackets]:

Another one. Jesus Baldheaded Christ, another one.

[Another DUmmie disappointment, Pitt? Do continue...]

Democrat Gov. Warner rejects Iraq withdrawal date


By Daniel Trotta

NEW YORK, Nov 28 (Reuters) - The United States needs to set milestones for progress, not a firm withdrawal date, before it can leave Iraq, Virginia governor and prospective Democratic presidential candidate Mark Warner said on Monday.

"This Democrat doesn't think we need to re-fight how we got into (the Iraq war). I think we need to focus more on how to finish it," Warner said.

"To set an arbitrary deadline or specific date is not appropriate," he said. "... It is incumbent on the president to set milestones for what he believes will be the conclusion."


Can anyone sincerely believe that we will EVER get out of Iraq without a full and complete vetting of how we got in? Do dismiss how we got there is to let the people who did this have a free pass, and allows them to CONTINUE DOMINATING THE POLICY DISCUSSION.

[The BAD NEWS for Mark Warner is that he just lost his DUmmie support. The GOOD NEWS for Mark Warner is that he won't be getting a non-Judas kiss from Pied Piper Pitt.]

That's right you dumbass Dems.
Keep it up. Pretty soon you'll be pandering for votes in Orange County because no respectable Democrat would vote for your dumb asses.

[Deep within the White House the Dark Lord, Karl Rove, is rubbing his hands gleefully and saying, "ALL is going according to plan."]

F*cking idiots.... THEY JUST DON"T GET IT
do they?

[Hmmm... My initial opinion of Mark Warner was that he is a lightweight but you seem to express this thought in even bolder terms.]

I'm sick of platitudes and partisan politics and BROWN NOSING! BRING OUR TROOPS HOME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Your application for writing the 2008 Democrat platform is under serious review.]

Yup. The Pod People have taken control of the country. No doubt about it.

[Any relation to the iPod People?]

F*cking incredible! It seems that someone was on a personal crusade today to attack everyone who is an anti-war Dem or Green, or those who refuse to kiss the ass of corporate whores regardless of political affiliation... Jesus Mary Joseph on a piece of burnt toast!

[We have a 2008 reservation for you in the Anger Management Program after Hillary is nominated.]

And I had high hopes for Gov. Warner...
Given a choice in the primaries, I won't vote for anyone who doesn't oppose our occupation in Iraq. I guess I will have to look at someone else to vote for in the primaries. bummer

[Psst! The Evil Elf will probably be running.]

Seems like the only person I can support now for 2008 is either Russ Feingold or John Kerry.

[aka Mr. Nerd and Mr. Heinz.]

We're only asking the Sunnis to get along with their neighbors without sending out the death squads. Is that too much to ask? If so, then we're truly screwed.


Warner *borrowed* the Iraq GOP talking points, because he has absolutely no experience, knowledge or abilities in the foreign policy national security arena. Warner is entitled to an opinion, but has no creds to state why people should follow him. We get the newspaper too. He COMPLETELY skips the fact that accountability is necessary to move forward and reclaim America's moral authority in the world. There are a wealth of better Exit Iraq plans out there. Warner didn't disappoint as much as make me laugh at how he is training to be the new 2008 version of Lieberman. Warner, Joementum II, updated just in time for 2008!

[Little does this DUmmie know that the Dark Lord, Rove, cast an EVIL spell on Mark Warner causing his brain cells to short circuit.]

This Warner guy is stinking to high heaven.

[The peasants are revolting. The STINK on ice.]

Typical DLC corporatist sheep.
I saw Warner on C-SPAN last weekend, and I was very unimpressed. Just another jello-spined "centrist".

[The pigs are FLYING!!! I actually AGREE with a DUmmie!!!]

Has the DLC gotten to Warner? Since he lacks military experience, has he overcompensated? Has he never met Dennis? F*ck if this doesn't bum me out! I had some hopes for him. On the other hand, I have a feeling we libs aren't going to *get* a candidate to our liking. We're going to have to hold our noses . . . AGAIN.

[Our Dark Lord, Rove, has determined that you will be holding your noses to vote for Hillary in 2008.]

Can someone pleaaaaase get Al Gore on the phone? Some of us would REALLY like him to clear off his calendar for 2008.

[Algore won't be running because he BETRAYED US!!!]

I will not support any candidate that does not make withdrawal from Iraq as their number one campaign issue. I'm done with nuance on this issue. Our occupation of Iraq is the most egregious and destabilizing event committed by the USA during my life. No pullout? No support!

[ALL is going according to Karl Rove's plan!]

Agreed. If the Democratic Party can't come up with a candidate who is looking to ACTIVELY END this disgrace and hold Bush accountable for starting it in the first place, and if the party "leadership" decides it's "bad strategy" to seek these ends, then the party will unworthy of support IMO. What will happen is unclear now though... Will the party go through the door that Murtha has opened for it, or will it stick with the Hilary/Warner path?

[The latter path is the ONLY option that will be allowed you.]

Another one bites the dust!
I guess the perfect candidate is still yet to be found.

[Evil Elf.]

God, I am soooo tired of politicians who don't get it. So, he's young, blow dried and an asshole. No vote from us and my family has 14. Go and get dry behind your ears, Warner. We're done with little boys.

[The same could be said about John Edwards. And WHERE did he disappear to?]

Maybe I'm being cynical, but I gotta wonder who's been lining the pockets (or making death threats) of Gov. Mark Warner.

[Ah! The hidden hand of Master Rove at work.]

Monday, November 28, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-28-05 ("Famous People you use to love and respect but now YOU HATE")

Most celebs are hard core liberals so it is interesting to view the HATE that the DUmmies extend to the FEW celebs that support Bush as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Famous People you use to love and respect but now YOU HATE." Yes, there are only a FEW celebs who support Bush but even those few are INTOLERABLE in the eyes of the DUmmies. They MUST be removed from the face of the earth. So let us now view the intolerant hate of the DUmmies directed to a few select celebs in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who has inside info that Mr. Ed was secretly a conservative, is in the [brackets]:

Famous People you use to love and respect but now YOU HATE
Because they are Bush loving insane Republicans?!

[Mr Ed?]

Arnold ! FU Terminator! I can't believe I lusted for your body.

[Hasta la vista, BABY!!!]

It adds a new dimension to the movie "Predator"
I now root for the predator. It's a whole new movie. Disappointing ending.

[You're one ugly motherf*cker.]

too bad he isnt a girlie man, i would have more respect for him

[Then let Alan Alda bask in your warmth.]

Ray Bradbury! F*ck Mr Fahrenheit! FU Mr Republican so called 'good' writer. I write all day on the computer and ya know what? ITS EASY and you suck and I will throw away your books or maybe use them to lite a fire!

[Fahrenheit 451.]

Ray Bradbury is a bat-shit crazy old man

[Like George Soros?]

Can't even *stand* to have "Everybody Loves Raymond" on
anymore b/c of that hateful rightwing twit that plays his wife. Patricia Heaton, is it? Bllllecccccchh!

[Rumor has it that an extra on that show is also a hateful rightwing Republican.]

Loretta Lynn...my ENTIRE family was GUTTED when we
Found out Loretta Lynn was a Junior supporter. We always knew she was a Repuke...which is BIZARRE considering how poor she grew up. But it was TERRIBLE to find out she supported Junior.

[My entire family had to enter an Anger Management Program when we found out that ugly fact.]

Lying, pathetic, piece of shit, Bob Woodward. A sellout and a Bush shill. He tried to throw real journalists off of the trail of his White house buddies, but the world saw through it all. He's a collosal disgrace and will go down in history as a tainted "journalist". His books on Bush which gush all over the Chimperor will be dismissed as mere propaganda. His integrity is non-existent. His honor has evaporated into the hot air he bellows in defense of the White House and his own miserable, shit stained career.

[I've been developing a "strange new respect" lately for Bob Woodward.]

Curt Schilling... I don't hate him, but it sure was annoying for him to break up the symbolic beauty of a Massachusetts team winning the WS right before the '04 election by saying, "I hope people vote Bush on Tuesday." What a killjoy.

[He sure killed YOUR joy.]

Also found out Luis Gonzalez was a dumb ass when he campaigned for Bush during 2004,and in a fit of disgust, threw out his Bobble head (symbolic, yet satisfying).

[This doesn't suprise me a bit since Luis Gonzalez is one of the more prominent Freepers (Banana Republican).]

Dean Koontz.. Used to read all his books. Saw him and his wife on the repug donors list..

[I once spotted Dean Koontz smiling in the direction of Margaret Thatcher.]

Used to really like.... Charlton Heston but he became too rabidly right wing.

[Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!]

Bill Cosby. He's a huge disappointment as far as I'm concerned.

[That's only because Cosby makes sense.]

Michael Crichton. Cant say I loved him but Ive been a fan of his since "The Andromeda Strain". Now he is trying to debunk global warming.

[When the bomb goes off there'll be a thousand mutations! Andromeda will spread everywhere! They'll never be rid of it!]

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-23-05 ("Why do some people (DU'ers too) think that Communism is the worst?")

Have you ever noticed how self-righteously outraged liberals become if you DARE to accuse them of being sympathetic to communism? They will accuse you of trying to smear them as well as go into a "How dare you question my patriotism?" mode. However, if you actually READ what the DUmmies and their leftist cohorts actually say to each other on the subject of communism, you will see not only sympathy but flat out LOVE for communism as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Why do some people (DU'ers too) think that Communism is the worst?" As usual, the Bolshevik DUmmie postings expressing their sympathy for Bolshevism is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching the spectacle of the Bolshevik DUmmies from the deck of the Battleship Potemkin, is in the [brackets]:

Why do some people (DU'ers too) think that Communism is the worst?

[Yes. Isn't it silly to think ill of communism which is just a progressive alternate economic system?]

Why do some people think it?

[Probably for some stupid reason like a familiarity with history.]

The Crimes of Communism pale in comparison to the Acts of Evil that have been done by Plutocracies and Theocracies.

[In the DUmmie mind we are now living under an EVIL Bush Plutocracy/Theocracy. Ergo, communism is BETTER than what we now have.]

The things that the Far Right are planning are the things that we should be acting against, not screaming and ranting about Communist 'threat'.

I should know, real live Theocrats are trying to take over Ohio!

[They've already taken over the Ohio Diebold voting machines.]

We've got to come together to stop the Far Right, it is the only way we can win.

[Thank you for that entertaining bit of paranoia, DUmmie ck4829. And now let us hear the rest of the DUmmie chorus chime in with their laughable observations about communism...]

We've been a plutocracy for some time now... Have them ask people who lived and worked in the late 40s-80s. Many of them were shocked when reagan's policies started dismantling the stable way of life they all grew up with.

[Ronald Reagan also dismantled the "stable" way of life the communists in Europe grew up with.]

Decades of corporatist conditioning.

[Only decades of coporatist conditioning have brainwashed us into thinking that Stalinist Russia or North Korea under the enlightened Li'l Kim were anything other that Workers' Paradises.]

when has true communism ever been attempted?
there have been countries that hve been proclaimed by themselves or others as "communist"...but have any of them really been?

[SIGH! The old leftwing excuse as to why Communist nations have failed. See, there really weren't any communist societies yet so we need to keep experimenting until we we get it right.]

As a history major in the 70's, communist doctrine was historical fact among the professors. We were taught a theoretical understanding of communism, and its dialectics, branches and choices.

At the time the Soviet Union looked extremely strong and countries throughout the world, especially in the Third World were changing to a communist form of government.

To the professors this was seen as inevitable, and to us students it was seen as a positive for the world as a whole. With every professor in the history department a Marxist, we were all pretty indocrinated.

[For the DUmmies, those were the Good Old Days.]

the US right wing has demonized every collective based solution, when those are mainstream in Europe.

[Oh how we envy the French economy!]

communism has been demonised and equated with Stalin and Mao.

[As opposed to the WONDERFUL communism under Li'l Kim and Castro.]

The only place I can think of that it's worked out is Cuba, and that seems more due to the excellence of Cuba itself and Castro than to any theoretical quality in Communism.

[The success of Cuban communism probably explains all those boat people from the States desperately trying to float over to that island paradise.]

Communism as a bogeyman is being supplanted with "Islamism"
and "Islamofascism," etc. Same old right-wing BS, just a different name.

[Yeah. Islamofascism is just a myth. All those women in Taliban Afghanistan covered themselves from head to foot in ugly black burkhas because they LIKED it, not because they were forced to.]

i find the charms of democracy highly over rated.

[Then I recommend the charms of Pyongyang.]

Another pet peeve of mine is people dressed in black, at rallies, with the hammer and sickle on their clothes. How much of an asshole do you have to be?

[Anti-Communism in DUmmieland but only because he doesn't like their sense of fashion. You would prefer they wear pastel pants and a Che T-Shirt?]

It was the greatest American Brainwashing next to the War on Terrer that our government has ever promulgated on it's citizenry. American Citizens have had the dreaded "Commie Pinko " - "better dead than red" pounded into our collective psyches for over a half century.

[We were brainwashed into believing that Uncle Joe Stalin was something other than a warm hearted human being.]

Every communist society has turned to shit. Every one.


If a democracy is communist, there is nothing inherently wrong.

[And where did that fantasy society ever happen?]

I don't know if communism is better than what we have. What I do know is that with all that relentless propaganda, "they" sure didn't want me to EVER consider communism except to condemn it. WHY did "they" never want me to think of communism except to condemn it? Hmmmm. Wonder what they were hiding about communism? And why they were so threatened by it?

[You caught us!!! Okay, I confess. All these years we have been hiding from you DUmmies just how WUUUNDERFUL communism is. Therefore we shall make amends by ensuring that you can move to the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. So take the one-way flight to Pyonyang. Go ahead. You'll LOVE it there. I promise.]

Monday, November 21, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-21-05 ("How annoying is the phrase 'Reagan Airport?'")

One of the great myths perpetrated by liberals is that even though they may have disagreed with Ronald Reagan, they still respect him. HOGWASH!!! Back when Reagan was President in the 80's, the liberals hated him and they STILL DO as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "DC People: How annoying is the phrase 'Reagan Airport?'" It gives me GREAT PLEASURE that when DUmmies fly to D.C., they have to land at RONALD REAGAN Airport. So the next time you make the flight to D.C., if you see some red-faced idiot screeching like a maniac, you can be sure it is a DUmmie going berserk at the Reagan name. As usual, the Reagan hating DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, hearing the Gipper saying "There You Go Again," is in the [brackets]:

DC People: How annoying is the phrase "Reagan Airport"??


It's been almost eight years since they changed the name, and I'm still no less pissed about it. Remember when the Repukes claimed that they weren't going to take George Washington's name off? Well, it's still called Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, but of course people now just call it "Reagan" or "Reagan Airport" or "Reagan National."

I'm guessing that 99.9% of DUers refuse to call it by that name, but what do you do when people refer to it as that to you? Ignore it? Say something smide? Just curious.

[I'm guessing that 100% of the DUmmies need to bite down hard on a leather strap when seeing or hearing the name, "Ronald Reagan National Airport."]

I just flow out of National a week ago. I refuse to use the raygun name unless I absolutely have to. Love the airport, hate the name.

[In the DUmmie Alternate Reality it is called "Jimmy Carter National Airport."]

That usually clears most debate on the subject.

[After a normal person decks you.]

What pisses me off about the name is the repugs are guilty of
re-writing history. Sound familiar? Of course it does, it is what repugs do all the time but pretend it is a tactic of the Dems. I get really steamed about Washington National because I am one of the millions of people who remember Raygun's administration - corrupt, sleazy, profane and sold out to the highest corporate bidder.

[Corrupt, sleazy, profane and sold out to the highest corporate bidder? Perfect description of Marc Rich's benefactor.]

My daughter flew there yesterday from Houston's
George Bush Intercontinental airport. How sad.

[How glad.]

When people say "Reagan Airport" I correct them.
and say, "You mean National?"

[No. I mean RONALD REAGAN Airport, DUmmie.]

Yeah, makes a whole lot of goddamn sence to rename it from the "MAJORITY STONEMAN DOUGLAS TURNPIKE" (for those who don't know, she wrote "RIVER OF GRASS" and helped SAVE THE EVERGLADES, which is amazing since no one gives a SHIT about the environment in this hellhole state) to renaming it after RayGun, who had NOTHING to do with this state...unless you want to count how he helped RUIN it for 8 years along with the rest of the country.

[One of the GREAT pleasures of driving on the Turnpike down here is seeing the name RONALD REAGAN TURNPIKE on the signs and knowing how much it pisses off the liberals.]

How do I feel about it? Makes me gag, that's how I feel about it...

[So was that your car that I saw driving wildly off the side of the RONALD REAGAN TURNPIKE last weekend?]

Worse than that...they re-named one of the tollways
After Reagan out here in Chicagoland. I-88 E-W Tollway is now Reagan 'Expressway'. Ugh!!!!

[WOO! HOO! I did not know that.]

DUmmie FUnnies 11-21-05 (THEY LIVE!!!)

Have you ever seen the movie, They Live? The leftwing premise of that 1988 flick, written and directed by John Carpenter as an attack on the popularity of President Ronald Reagan, was that successful people who supported Reaganism were really evil extraterrestrial aliens who were secretly brainwashing ordinary people to accept them. Only the Rodney Piper character knew who they really were by wearing a pair of special sunglasses that allowed him to see the Reaganites as the real aliens that they were. This made the leftwingers back then comfortable in the knowledge that Ronald Reagan and his policies were successful only because of alien manipulation by "Them." Likewise the DUmmies of today believe they have the special insight to see that folks who support Bush are either "Them" (read "Neocons") or are unduly influenced by propaganda perpetrated by "Them" as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Who has cut off friendships and other relationships...due to the bush crime family?" As usual the fantasies of the DUmmies wearing their special sunglasses in order to see "Them" are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, controlled by the Evil Aliens from their Mother Ship in order to spread Reaganite propaganda, is in the [brackets]:

Who has cut off friendships and other relationships... due to the bush crime family?

[Be careful about cutting off relationships with EVIL extraterrestrial family members. You could lose your comfy spot in your parents' dark basement from which you make your lunatic postings.]

I avoid speaking to my sibs and some neighbors.


A) I just don't want to "get into it";

B) I'm afraid I might not be able to resist grabbing them about the shoulders, shaking them violently, and screaming, "WTF is WRONG WITH YOU???????????????"

[You need to wear those "Special" sunglasses more often to get the answer to that question. They are successful Republicans because they are really EVIL aliens from outer space sent here to dominate you. I hope that makes you more comfortable knowing the reason for your own failures.]

The maid of honor at my wedding and her stupid family.
That stupid family was all over Clinton for lying, but God forbid if you lie about something important.

[Like the memory of spending Christmas in Cambodia in 1968 that was seared, SEARED into my brain!]

Yes. There are several people with whom I no longer communicate.

[Especially after seeing who they REALLY are with your special DUmmie SUnglasses.]

I have stop accepting phone calls from..
two of my relatives because they keep telling me bush is protecting them and he is a good christian man.

[Translation: "My relatives treat me like a lunatic at the Thankgiving dinner table when I scream at them about the EVIL Bush Crime Family."]

I have cut off communications with many
including family over bushco**. I marvel daily at their capacity to bock out reality.

[Have patience. Perhaps one day they will accept your Alternate Reality---MIHOP, LIHOP, etc..]

Best friend from high school
On her last visit, I found myself screaming at her about Bush--it did no good whatsoever. I introduced her to the DSM, PNAC and anything else I could think of. She was unconvinced, but I could tell she couldn't believe how passionate I had become. I avoid her emails and phone calls because I don't want to get into another argument.

[DAMN! You could have won that argument if only you had included IHOP, MIHOP, and BFEE as well.]

I remember the days when people wanted to live around their 'own kind'. It then represented an ethnic/religious bend, now it has evolved to political ideology. I disagree with the previous poster. It is not JUST POLITICS. It is everything I believe in my heart and stand for. I tried for 3 years to 'educate'. All I got for it was an increase in high blood pressure.

[Plus acid indigestion.]

There is nothing American about a rural small town to me. Just right wing bigots, that's all. I would tell the Right Wing/Fundiefacsist/Toby-KKKeith, Gretchen Wilson/redneck/klanmen/heehaw crowd to F--- OFF! I'm an American and you GOD DAMN SOB's are NOT!

[So much for all that DUmmie hype about "reaching out" to the Red State people.]

I have cut off all relationships
with all rePukes except one - that's my oldest daughter whom I love very much. I just don't talk ANY politics with her. That would cause a fight and it caused a fight that almost destroyed our relationship once. I can't let that happen and won't let that happen. I don't understand her opinions at all and unfortunately we can't discuss it in a civil manor, so we don't. I know that sounds awful, and it actually is, but I love her too much to never see or speak to her again, or to not have the privilege of seeing my grandchildren because of politics. Like I said, I would love to understand her views and understand why her views became so different than mine, but, I don't think that is ever going to happen. It really makes me very sad.

[Are you sure she is REALLY your daughter? Perhaps you need to put on those special DUmmie SUnglasses and look at her. She just might be one of those EVIL rightwing Aliens who is inhabiting your daughter's body.]

I no longer communicate with my brother or uncle because of this. I find it nearly impossible to deal with most right-wing Republicans I know, so I've distanced myself pretty much from all of them. I admire those of you who can continue to deal with them. I have a real problem with enemies of our country who think they are "super-patriots".


People, especially close friends or family, who support Bush are shown no mercy, the same way Bush Co show no mercy. The truth has to be exposed, and it's not just a difference of opinion, it's a matter of fact vs. ignorance.

[I bet this DUmmie is a real pain in the ass at parties and family gatherings.]

Best friend of ten years--a woman, a holder of degrees in history/poli sci as well as someone who had travelled around the world...CHOSE NOT TO DO ANYTHING FOR ELECTION 2004. She had to go. I wouldn't talk to her again if someone paid me.

[WOW! This DUmmie is really over the edge! She cuts off her best friend not for supporting Bush but for not actively opposing Bush.]

There's not one thing that is going on that would ever effect the love that I have for my family and my friends. If you let that happen your priorities are not in line.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! I have my special DUmmie SUnglasses on and I can see you for who you REALLY are!]

Thursday, November 17, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-17-05 ("How should we deal with fundamentalists?")

DUmmies have NO problem when Democrat politicians invoke religion. Such was the case when Bill Clinton invoked religion to try to get a gun control bill passed and later, in order to deflect attention away from getting a Lewinsky in the White House, he suddenly started attending church while carrying a King Size King James Bible around with him for all to see. However, DUmmies have a big problem with "fundamentalists" because most of them vote Republican. That is the root cause of their antipathy to "fundamentalists" as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "How should we deal with fundamentalists?" Of course, DUmmies are so stupid that they think that almost all conservatives are "fundamentalists" when, in fact, a good many of them could be classified as "South Park Republicans" which is a much more irreverent breed. Even most "fundamentalists" aren't "fundamentalists" since there are also evangelicals and pentacostals in the mix. Of course, the DUmmies confuse them all so that "fundamentalists" include even devout Roman Catholics and Mormons in their way of thinking. However, since all these groups tend to vote conservative, DUmmies will lump them all together under the misnamed banner of "fundamentalists" (or "fundies"). As usual, the DUmmie "fundie" bashing is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, still chuckling over last night's Scientology/Tom Cruise episode of South Park, is in the [brackets]:

How should we deal with fundamentalists?

[Rescind their voting rights?]

In my very liberal Sunday School class, we have been studying Karen Armstrong's The Battle for God, A History of Fundamentalism. The question we have pondered lately is "How should we deal with fundamentalists?" Love them? Hate them? Associate with them? Try to change them? The only person in the class who has a definite, firm answer says simply that we should ridicule and make fun of them. Being that we live in Alabama, we have lots of opportunities. Any suggestions from any of you? Thanks.

[You're in a "very liberal Sunday School class?" Let me guess your affiliation: The First Unitarian Church of the Universal Whatever.]

I think you first need to identify your purpose. What is it you want?

Do you want them to leave you alone?

Do you want them to change?

Do you want their vote?

[Stupid question. DUmmies want them to disappear from the planet.]

Okay. Then I think that making fun of them will just alienate them. We all have our different cultures, world views, even our own physical needs that lead us to a particular faith or lack thereof. So I think respect is where you start. After that, if you really want to bring folks to your side, it takes positive communication, hanging out together, listening. The more you listen the more brilliant they think you are. Then you ask questions. And listen some more.

[Not a smart plan. A lot of "fundamentalists" already read what you folks REALLY think here in the DUmmie FUnnies and they know you folks are hardly "brilliant." "Idiots" would be a better description of what they think about you.]

If you are a person of faith, don't be afraid to let them know it, pray with them, etc., so they can see that faith does NOT equal politics. But it's so important that they see you as a person of integrity and with no hate, even for your enemies. That level of charisma draws people to you.

["A person of faith." In DUmmieland that means someone who worships Gaia.]

Being a northeastern, liberal atheist and never having had the opportunity to meet/know a Republican let alone a fundamentalist (how lucky/sheltered am I?), I often wish that I could ask them why they choose to ignore certain parts of the Bible in favor of other sections.

[Talk about living a cloistered existence!!! This DUmmie admits to NEVER having ever met a "fundamentalist" or a Republican. Where does this DUmmie live? In the Cambridge, MA ACLU dormitory?]

I grew up Mennonite, trust me. The scariest fundies I know are the Mennonites from my hometown. Some of them are indeed our friends. Others want us shot. By the way, the scariest Mennonites I've seen are those that leave the Amish church.

[LOL! BTW, I used to hang out in Amish/Mennonite country up in northeast Indiana (Shipshewana and the big joke there is that a Mennonite is an Amishman with a drivers license.]

try inviting them to functions at YOUR church. One thing I know about fundie churches is that there are a lot of schisms because there are such strong, sometimes extreme, philosophies. If your group is laid back and welcoming, you can provide a haven for people suffering from that sort of schism.

[Somehow I think that just because there are philosophical diffences between a Southern Baptist and a Pentecostalist, they are not both going to suddenly accept Gaia worship of Mother Earth at your local Druid Church.]

Find a tall cliff. Put a sign on it saying:

"All ye who believe jump off to join the rapture" Tell all your fundie friends and neighbors about it.

[Is that the same cliff where Pied Piper Pitt led you DUmmie Lemmings over on the Day When Everything Finally Changed (and also on the NEXT Day When Everything Finally Changed)?]

Keep looking for cracks in their armor
One that tends to make their heads explode is that Tim LaHaye, author of the Left Behind books, has been associated with the Moonies since 1981.

[You were Left Behind in the hospital alley by your Mama shortly after birth.]

Does your "very liberal" Sunday School class study right from the Bible? If so, how do you deal with the very fundamental nature of scripture?

[Simple. They merely tear out the "inconvenient" pages.]

I have been a member for only a few months, but generally, the answer to your question is no, we do not take most lessons from the Bible. When I joined the class, they were in the middle of studying a book about how science and religion mix (or not). Since then, we have been on the Armstrong book since it is quite long and complex.

[IOW, you just ignore the Bible in your Sunday school class in favor of studying the holy texts from your local Womyn's Book Store.]

Well, we deal with the mentally ill with medication and therapy. Maybe someday there will be a fundamentalist pill!

[I'm waiting for the introduction of the DUmmie Pill.]

I believe most in the class are thinking of white fundamentalists, but I know what you mean about the black fundamentalists. My brother has had several discussions with some at his work, and they pretty much told him that if he did not believe the Bible literally, he was going to hell.

[Telling a DUmmie to go to hell would make my day.]

These are the same churches (the black ones) that our candidates routinely campaign in. Right from the pulpit too.

[And somehow that is okay in DUmmieland. However, God forbid a Republican candidate says ANYTHING remotely political in a church. That is completely prohibited. This discrepancy is also known as the Jesse Jackson Effect.]

Talk to them and Lead by example.

[LOL! And such a great example you DUmmies show! Bunch of raving loooonatic mental cases. Yeah, show them how to visualize their own reality. Oh, and don't forget the phony Hopi Indian prayer and how you BEEEEEELEEEVE Kerry was inaugurated last Jan. 20.]

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-15-05 ("I don't believe the 'failed bomber' woman was involved at all...")

Admit it. I bet not a few of you who read yesterday's DUmmie FUnnies EDITION thought I had to do quite a bit of cherry picking in DUmmieland in order to find a few posts blaming the Amman hotel bombings on Bush and/or "neoconsters" and/or the Mossad. For those few skeptics out there, I invite you to tour DUmmieland for yourselves. Such whacko blatherings are the NORM not the exceptions. You DON'T have to look very far in DUmmieland to find wacko conspiricist rantings such as today's featured DUmmie THREAD titled, "I don't believe the 'failed bomber' woman was involved at all..." Of course, the DUmmies put "failed bomber" in quotes because they don't really believe she was in on the bombings at all. However, whacko as this and other such posts are, the DUmmies are only reflecting what many professional Democrats on Capitol Hill are thinking but are still too embarrassed to say in public. Yes, just as Ted "Swimmer" Kennedy only recently began claiming that Bush LIED to get us into war, I won't be too surprised when at some point in the near future he, like his DUmmie fellow travelers, begin to blame Bush for the Amman bombings. So let us now sink into the depths of depravity and paranoia and view the DUmmie conspiracy theories in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that the greatest cause of Global Warming is due to the Swimmers overheated accusations, is in the [brackets]:

I don't believe the "failed bomber" woman was involved at all...I think this is just one more staged event by BushCo..

[CONGRATULATIONS!!! You now qualify to become a Senate staffer for Ted "The Swimmer" Kennedy!]

First, they claimed it was Al Quaidea but they had no actual proof to make the public believe that claim. After all, any teenager with a computer and a wicked mind could send off THAT claim.

[So any teenager would claim that there were FOUR bombers even though they didn't know that one of the belt bombs malfunctioned at the time of posting? However, forgive for tossing the cold water of FACTS on your wacko theory. Please proceed...]

So suddenly the mysterious woman appears. Her story has changed with the wind. She said she saw her husband detonate his bomb, but miraculously she was not hurt. In another report, she claims that when her husband saw that her bomb did not go off, he signaled her to run. How did he do that if he was dead?

[Simple. He FIRST got her to leave the room and THEN blew himself up. BTW, if you drop a ball it also falls but I guess such explanations are just too complicated for DUmmies to understand.]

She looks too emotionless, forced and flat to me. I have the feeling that her children may be being held as hostages, thus forcing her to tell any tale the REAL perpetrators want her to tell.

[In DUmmieland the REAL perpetrators are Karl Rove and Paul Wolfowitz. Oh, and Lucy Ramirez too.]

Someone has supposedly "disarmed" her bomb and put it back on her for the photo op, otherwise the camerapeople are just plain fools for being that close.

[You would prefer they videotape her with the bomb armed? Oops! I forgot. According to wacko DUmmie theory, that woman was completely innocent and they just duct taped copies of the Nation magazine around her waist for show.]

And isn't it strange, she is supposed to be the sister of another RIGHT HAND MAN to some supposed Al Quaida biggie?

[She's the sister of DUmmie IndianaGreen?]

Every damned time BushCo gets in trouble, somewhere in the world gets bombed...New York, Spain, London and now Jordan. So Al Quaida wants to make the entire world mad at them, huh? No, BushCo wants to make the entire world at this phantom organization they started right after 911 and named it Al Quaida, which simply means, "the base".

[I underestimated you, DUmmie itzamirakul. I thought you were going to blame Bush for only the Amman bombings. It is heartening to know that you also blame Bush for 9-11 as well as the Madrid and London bombings... Now let us hear from the rest of the DUmmie Chorus.]

It was suspicious the first time I heard her interviewed. She spoke and the translator said one thing then CNN said something entirely different. It was like a story being crafted before your eyes.

[You speak Arabic? Translate this: "Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Baka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la."]

You're right...it smells like last week's tuna sandwich... I don't believe it for a minute.

[Yeah. Wacko suicide bombers in the Middle East. Whoever heard of such a thing before?]

I look into her eyes and something is missing. She should not be so relaxed inside as she is. I wonder if we'll ever know?

[I look into your skull and something is missing---a brain.]

She looks almost hopeless...like someone with nothing to live for anymore...like someone has taken everything from her. She doesn't have the look of a fanatic.

[She still didn't look quite as hopeless as you.]

Karl Rove in drag

[aka Lucy Ramirez.]

In another thread, I pointed out the fact that Juan Cole has said that "al-Qaeda in Iraq" is not acknowledged to be a genuine organization in Iraq.

[Maybe that is because they are still awaiting their official certificate of incorporation in Iraq.]

We're supposed to believe that Zarqawi, a PALESTINIAN, not a Jordanian, but a Palestinian raised in Jordan, orchestrated this.

[A sweet guy like Zarqawi would never orchestrate this. Cutting off heads, yes, but definitely not bombings.]

Last night, (11/14) I heard Keith Olberman began to voice some of the same questions and doubts that we have raised here. I don't know if they have read the blogs and begun to question or if they see the same weaknesses that we see.

[Thank you for pointing out that Keith Olberman also has mental health issues.]

Is there any proof that this is an actual person? Why would they allow her to wander around on TV with a "defused" bomb. I suspect that she was wholly computer generated.

[Maxine Headroom?]

Monday, November 14, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-14-05 (DUmmies Blame Bush/NeoConsters/Mossad For Amman Bombings)

Let's see. There are terror bombings of hotels in Amman, Jordan. Soon afterwards, on a website, Al Qaeda takes the credit for the three hotel bombings. We are also SURE they were behind the bombings because they claimed there were FOUR suicide bombers, including a husband wife team. What Al Qaeda didn't know at the time of the Web posting is that the wife half of that sick team had a faulty bomb that didn't go off thus alerting Jordanian authorities who subsequently tracked her down. However, blaming Al Qaeda for terrorism just does NOT fit into the DUmmie game plan. So who do the DUmmies blame? Like the NUTCASE Mullahs who rule in Iran, the DUmmies blame the Mossad and by implication, the EVIL Bush Regime as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Iraqi Woman Confesses on Jordan TV," as well as another THREAD titled, "Israeli Arab among 57 killed in Amman triple suicide bombing (Al-Qaida)." As usual, the reality-challenged fantasies of the DUmmies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, awestruck at the bizarre conspiracy theories, is in the [brackets]:


[No Way! According to DUmmieThink, terrorist activities are NEVER perpetrated by Al Qaeda. They are mere victims of the Bush Evil Empire.]

maybe the confession is B.S. maybe not
but not only did al queada accept responsibility for it, they also gave their reasons


The US makes al queada to be the most
Powerful organization on Earth.

[Play that Springsteen song: "BLAME the USA!!! BLAME the USA!!!"]

Definitely a Mossad mole in AQ. Right? Right.
Or maybe a CIA HumanInt mole in AQ.

[Must be since we know what wonderful humanitarians the real Al Qaeda folks are. Right? Right.]

I am a Brooklyn progressive
we don't need to make separation in Mossad and AQ.

[Yes. You "progressives" just naturally assume the Mossad and Al Qaeda are one and the same.]

I find it interesting that both the NeoCon Junta and Al Qaeda have benefitted greatly from 911. The NeoCon Junta consolidated their power by the passage of the Patriot Act, and Al Qaeda became the recepient of massive numbers of new recruits eager to continue their war against the U. S. OBL also benefitted personally...he will go down in history as a hero of Radical Islam.

The Mossad and Israel also believed that they would benefit from our illegal and immoral invasion/occupation of Iraq. They believed, as did the leadership of the NeoCon Junta, that any conflict in Iraq would be over quickly. It appears that their plan backfired terribly, placing Israel in even more danger than they were before.

The official story is that OBL became estranged from his family because of his radical beliefs. Some accounts, coming directly from Bin Laden family members, is that OBL and his family never had a falling out and remain as close as they have always been. If true, and IMHO, that places the friendship between the Bush and Bin Laden families in even closer scrutiny.

[As usual, your conspiracy theories are completly whacko but thank you for the humorous contribution for another way DUmmies refence the Evil Bush Regime: "the NeoCon Junta."]

Yep, there really are no terrorists in the world.
Nobody shot all those kids in a Russian school and nobody brought down the WTC - just like nobody landed on the moon. Somebody wrote a song about nobody once. It went something like this, "Well, your nobody called today. She hung up when I asked her name. I wonder. Does she think she's being clever?" Ah, but nobody is very clever, isn't she? All of these things happen and the real genius behind it is a fat, pasty-faced white guy who likes S & M and even controls the weather.

[We deeply regret to announce the commencement of your DUmmieLand Tombstoning Ceremony for the high crime of making sense.]

"Terrorism" is the new "communist threat".

[And according to the DUmmies the threat from each was/is a complete fiction.]

This "woman confessing" story is bullshit. I don't personally know who does each act of terrorism (crime). I just know that Bushco/Faux/CNN cannot be trusted to tell me the truth about who's doing it.

[Perhaps Mary Mapes could interview that woman to authenticate her story.]

First, there's been little hard evidence that al-Zarqawi and bin Laden are in cahoots. There are a number of sources familiar with them both in Afghanistan, and the word is they didn't get along at all and kept their distance from each other. Second, this is yet another reiteration of a killed #2 man.

[Other than the fact that al-Zarqawi doesn't like it that Bin Laden doesn't use a BO stick, they get along swimingly.]

Third, ask yourself--if this woman appeared in person on Fox News in New York, four days after the bombing, wearing her explosive vest and confessing to Sean Hannity, what would you think? Perhaps that it just might be a bit over the top? Because that's what I think--it's just a bit too much over the top for all the details to be believed without some skepticism.

[Yeah. Mental case idiots who blow themselves up. Whoever heard of such a thing before?]

I also think that attempts to meld various groups with differing motives for their actions blurs our understanding of the true nature of the situation. Lumping them all together under the handy label of terrorists is something I try not to do.

[You prefer the handy label of "freedom fighters."]

problem is some people here are filled with such animosity
toward Israel and the United States administration, that they close their eyes to the facts, when they themselves have no facts to back up that the CIA or mossad were involved, they casually throw the charge around.


How convenient that we now have an Iraqi confessing to carrying out a mission in Jordan when Jordan's support for the conflict in Iraq appears to be wavering. Is this event Jordan's "Pearl Harbor", in much the same way as 911 was the NeoCon Junta's Pearl Harbor?

[How convenient that you can type and drool at the same time.]

Supposedly Israeli Jews had been escorted out of the hotel earlier. So if they just left the Israeli Arab businessman behind like that when they might've had wind of something coming... ugh.

[Wasn't this also the claim by the nutcases about 9-11? That Jews were given advance warning of the Twin Towers attack?]

BushCO/neoconster policies of aggression are having opposite results.

[You have to make a choice. Is it BushCO or Neoconster?]

Thursday, November 10, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-10-05 ("Fired CBS News Producer Unrepentant")

I LOVE the fact that Mary Mapes is now making the rounds of the media circuit and plugging her pathetic fiction book defending her use of FORGED documents for a SeeBS story last year. The more she blabs the more folks out there see that most of the MSM, as Bernie Goldberg has claimed, is BIASED. And remember. Mary Mapes is TYPICAL of the producers in the MSM television newsrooms. Of course, Mary does have a few staunch defenders. Does it surprise anybody that such defenders are from DUmmieland as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Fired CBS News Producer Unrepentant." As usual the laughable DUmmie delusions defending their beloved Mary Mapes are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering what Mary's DUmmie screen name is, is in the [brackets]:

Fired CBS News Producer Unrepentant

["Why should I have to prove that documents upon which I base my stories are authentic. It's up to others to prove they are fake." ...And now on to the rest of this ABC News story...]

In her first interview since being fired, former CBS News producer Mary Mapes maintains that her controversial "60 Minutes II" story on President Bush's National Guard service was "true" and that "no one has proved that the documents were not authentic."...

In her interview with ABC News chief investigative correspondent Brian Ross, to be broadcast Wednesday morning on "Good Morning America," Mapes says she is unrepentant about her role. "I don't think I committed bad journalism. I really don't," she says....

[Yeah, proportional spacing and superscripts will magically appear if you photocopy 1970s era documents long enough, Mary. And now that Miss Mapes has shared her delusions with us, let us hear from the equally delusional DUmmies on this topic...]

Why on earth should she be repentant? She's one of the few journalists out there trying to do her job.

[Mary Mapes has met the journalistic standards of DUmmieland---basing a news story on FORGED documents.]

Go Mary, go Mary, go Mary go

Tell the story again. America needs to be reminded of how stinky and shameful the military record is for our Usurper-in-Chief.

Only good can come from this.

[True. Only good can come from this because the more Mary Mapes speaks, the more the public can see how delusional and biased Mary and her Leftist cohorts are. Go Mary, go Mary, go Mary go. Continue to make fools out of yourself and your friends.]

He lied to the American people
it is Mary's fault for reporting it? Has this country gone f*cking insane!!!!!!

[Yes. The country is so insane that they actually require that news reports be based on AUTHENTIC documents, NOT forgeries.]

And they still haven't proven * is not a deserter

[Sigh! Proving a negative? HEY! Prove you're not a pervert.]

DU proved her right. We all know she is right.

[DUmmieland proved those documents were authentic? News to me.]

How is putting forth an obviously faked memo newsworthy?


The memo was NOT obviously faked. I'm one of the ones who used an IBM Executive typewriter back then. It had proportional spacing.

[And superscripts, Che Guevara?]

It has been proved to the satisfaction of DU that the docs were legit

[And it has been proved to the satisfaction of DUmmieland that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow where John Kerry was inaugurated on Jan. 20.]

The secretary said the story was probably true. It's just the piece of paper it was typed on that was in doubt.

[Sounds like a "ringing endorsement" to me except for that nasty little fact about the forged documents.]

they should air the story
at this point, the story itself is a story.

[Yeah. Who cares that the story was based on forged documents?]

She was dumber than a box of rocks

1) Bill Burkett gives CBS what he says are the memos.

2) Burkett provides CBS with the name of the person he claims were the memos' source, a former National Guard buddy of his named George Conn.

3) Mary Mapes fails for some unfathomable reason to call the alleged source to verify Burkett's story.

4) When questions surrounding the memos surface, Burkett changes his story to say that his actual source was really somebody else, a person named "Lucy Ramirez". Burkett is revealed as a whack job.

5) CBS finally gets around to calling Burkett's original named source, George Conn tells CBS he wasn't the source for Burkett's memos, and that he knows absolutely nothing about the whole thing.

6) Mary Mapes could have prevented this monumental embarrassment to CBS News simply by adhering to basic high school journalism standards -- calling the original source to verify facts.

[We regret to inform you that your DUmmieLand Tombstoning ceremony is about to begin.]

She fell for the oldest Rovian trick in the book: using bogus documents... ... to "debunk" a real story. Alas, she deserves her fate.

[Lucy Ramirez was really Karl Rove dressed in drag.]

cheering a brave woman.

[HOORAH!!! She's brave enough to make a complete fool of herself in public.]

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-09-05 ("Why didn't Diebold steal yesterday's elections?")

THE GREAT SEA CHANGE HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!!! GLORY BE!!! The Democrats, who had the governorships of Virginia and New Jersey, retained those governorships in both states for a net gain of ZERO. Yes, the DUmmies are celebrating this victory as almost as significant as the Second Coming even though ALL the MoveOn.Org ballot initiatives LOST in Ohio. And yet with this pathetic jubilation, there is great confusion in DUmmieland as to why the Republicans didn't just flat out STEAL the VA and NJ elections via the Diebold machines as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Why didn't Diebold steal yesterday's elections?" As usual the befuddled DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, about to give the DUmmies a lesson in the art of politics, is in the [brackets]:

Why didn't Diebold steal yesterday's elections?

There's quite a few people who believe that Diebold has that power... Then what happened yesterday?

[You obviously don't play much poker, DUmmie. It's called Slow-Playing your hand. Stealing yesterday's election would only have given the DUmmies a heads up on the Perfect Rovian Plan for 2006 and 2008. By allowing the DUmmies a false sense of security, your guard will be down for the next two election cycles. Also, according to our Master, Karl Rove, allowing the Democrats to retain the governorships of NJ and VA, fits into the ultimate game plan. With Corzine as governor of NJ, the Democrats won't have near the moneybags buying the Senate election in 2006 when his seat is open for election again. And in VA, the whole Rovian tactic was to build up the presidential candidacy of Mark Warner who put his prestige on the line for Kaine. You see, a Warner run in the 2008 presidential primaries will help to weaken Hillary Clinton. Also the public will become even more turned off by Hillary when she unleashes her attack machine against Warner. Yes, it fits in with Rove's ingenious plan for Hillary to be nominated for president but only AFTER a bloody primary battle which Mark Warner would help provide.]

i want to believe they are running scared. one can hope!

[Hope all you want but this is just a matter of Karl Rove cleverly slow playing his hand.]

that level of risk is only acceptable @ national levels

[True. That level of risk is only acceptable when high stakes are involved. Again you need to understand poker and pot odds.]

I think that is the key reason the repukes keep us all so incredible divided. so much easier to tinker with 48-52 numbers than 60-40's which I figure is closer to the numbers in the vote yesterday.

[True. Some tinkering was done yesterday just to keep in shape but we allowed you the false sense of security of those two wins.]

Cheating only works when the race is close. When there is a blowout, or even a reasonably decisive win, they just can't move the numbers in a way to be plausible/

[Don't underestimate us. We can work Diebold Magic no matter the margin. Remember, Kerry was winning by a landslide according to the exit polls in Ohio when we defeated him via Diebold.]

NOT just nationally...Diebold absolutely stole all of Georgia in 2002!!!

[And that's a fact, Jack!!!]

Diebold doesn't do the stealing
they make theft possible with a keystroke. Elections officials have to do the stealing.

[To Dieboldly go where no man has gone before.]

Exactly - people at state level have to do
the stealing. Ohio STOLE - the polls showed 68% in Favor of Issue 2 and the results showed 60+% opposed.

[Hey, we had to test out the Diebold machines. There are maintenance requirements, you know.]

Bev Harris says the machines were "patched" about 8 times

[Bev Harris is just $10 away from patching your brain.]

Why didn't they steal these elections? Maybe they wanted to make it look right for this one so they could more easily steal 2006. But more likely is that it's just too hard to program the code to steal state elections because of all the different races they'd have to program to steal.

[Naw! Programing the Diebold code is a snap. We just wanted to give you a false sense of security.]

sucking us in for the next big one

[Truer words were never spoken from the Oval Office alcove circa 1998.]

they decided to let these local elections go and save the big guns for the important stuff...2006 and 2008?

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

If you notice, Dems won everywhere, but the Ohio reforms failed badly. The powers that be will preserve the impression of parity, but reserve the right to thumb the scale?

[Yup! That victory champaign will soon turn stale in your mouth.]

Dems won everywhere,
but what did they win? Not much, mostly maintained the status quo. You don't risk getting caught stealing small potatoes when there are large potatoes to be had next year.

[Is that you, Karl Rove?]

yeah, dems won. yeah, some puke proposals got voted down. But, a LOT of bad shit happened, especially in ohio and texas. I mean, whoopdedoo, liberals won in california! That's not a surprise. What's going to have long-term effects are the voting down of issues 2,3,4, and 5 in ohio, that keep it easy to steal elections, or the texas ban on gay marriage. We CANNOT let our guards down at ALL

[No! No! We want you to let your guard down and be happy, happy DUmmies...for now.]

They let the Dems win the small elections this time to avoid suspicion, and make it look like their machines aren't rigged. That and the fact that many existing voting machine haven't been replaced with Diebold machines yet. Here in NJ, where I've been voting on those old 1950's era lever machines for years, they're supposedly getting touch screens next year. Just in time for the '06 elections.

[The Diebold Cavalry to the rescue. ALL your ballots belong to US!]

Only if there are exit polls and paper ballots They rig the process and then ask you to prove that they hid evidence. The answer is pitchforks and torches.

[I predict you will be one angry, angry DUmmie on Election Day 2006.]

What I do believe is that Diebold has built in algorithms that can be triggered, given the proper opportunity.

[Those Diebold algorithms are triggered by the Red Queen.]

The margin that can be stolen/manipulated could not overcome the leads by Democratic candidates. I think the amount can't be more then 3-5% of votes that can be effected without alarms going off.

[You underestimate us. Filching off 10-15% is a piece of cake.]

It's only cheating when we lose! Just like my backyard whiffle ball game when I was a kid. If my team lost, of course it was because the other team cheated. If my team won, everything was on the up-and-up.


Even winning doesn't feel as good as it should because we just can not know for sure that the count is accurate.

[You won because we LET you win. It's all part of the Perfect Rovian Plan.]

As far as I'm concerned
they did steal our votes for Issues 2, 3, 4, and 5, Reform Ohio. I haven't heard a word from reform Ohio.

[Well, we had to steal those ballot issue votes in Ohio just to check to see if the Diebold vote skimmers were operating properly.]

Ohio Reforms were stolen --
Reform Ohio Now poll two days before the election showed 68% in FAVOR of issue 2 -- and the 'votes' showed 60+% opposed.

[We merely flipped the vote in Ohio. All NOs were registered as YESes and vice-versa.]

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-08-05 (Amazon.Com Customer Reviews of Mary Mapes Fiction Book)

The best clue as to whether a new movie is a stinker is if there are NO movie reviews available when it is released. This means the production company has so little confidendence in their own film that they refuse to allow critics get a preview of it so as to have their reviews ready by the release date. Better to keep the public in the dark than to give them advanced warning that the movie is a complete bomb. Likewise a good indicator as to whether a book really stinks is if NO advance book review copies have been sent out. This seems to be the case with Mary Mapes' laughably titled fiction book, "Truth And Duty." Since I have seen no book reviews, with the exception of these three Amazon.Com customer REVIEWS, this means that St. Martin's Press has about ZERO confidence in the credibility of their own book and wish to cut down on the humiliation by making the book unavailable for advance review. Unfortunately for both St. Martin's Press and Mary Mapes, the first chapter of her book was available EXCLUSIVELY until today in the October 4, 2005 EDITION of the DUmmie FUnnies so a few customers of Amazon.Com did not need to waste their money on a book destined for the Dollar Store Shelves. BTW, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you watch ABC's Good Morning America show tomorrow morning since Miss Mapes will be providing us comedy entertainment by discussing her book at that time. As you can see, there are two coherent and one Kool-Aide drinking reviews below. Let us begin with the liberal Kool-Aide review first in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, predicting that the Mapes book will soon be joining Algore's "Joined At The Lips" book at the Dollar Store, is in the [brackets]:

I've been curious about the whole saga behind the Bush-National Guard 60 Minutes story since it aired. It was never clear to me what the underlying evidence for or against the documents and hence the story was, especially since the administration never denied the underlying story. This book does a great job of setting the record straight as I now see the story they tried
to tell was very complicated. The story takes the length of book to tell properly, not 15 minutes on television. Nonetheless, the evidence Ms. Mapes presents in the book is very compelling and completely believable,
especially now that we're seeing more clearly than ever what's behind the smear tactics and lies coming out of this administration. I only wish we had more journalists with the guts to dig for the truth and stand up to this
administration like Ms. Mapes did.

[The most amazing thing about your review is that you actually gave your real name, Robert Ford. Yeah, Mary Mapes gives us a completely "believable" account about the documents. Of course, you have to be as delusional as Mary Mapes who claims the proportional spacing and the superscript occured because of multiple photocopying to make this absurd claim believable. And now on to the RATIONAL reviews of this irrationational book...]

Move over Michael Jackson. With the release of "Truth and Duty" Mary Mapes makes her bid to become America's most publicly visible crunk celebrity artiste. Mapes put CBS News in the toilet with her shoddy reporting, and apparently she's crawled right into the bowl herself and wants to just keep on flushing.

[I wish to differ with Mr. James Ward on one point here. CBS News was ALREADY in the toilet long before the phony TANG report was broadcast. Mary Mapes' contribution was to add the flush that flushed Dan Rather down the bowl. So I guess she can't be all bad. But let us continue with Mr. Ward's review.]

"Truth and Duty" continues on a similar trajectory of bizarre distortions of fact and logic strained beyond credulity that Mapes made infamously operative at CBS. She is in the bottom layer of Plato's cave and digging a hole to find a tree, since absolutely nothing in "Truth and Duty" resembles even a fire shadow of anything known in nature or the mind.

[Keep in mind that Mary Mapes' WHOLE PURPOSE here was to just fill up book pages with any sort of delusion and scam a $250,000 paycheck from St. Martin's Press.]

In "Truth and Duty" Mapes again asserts that the "Killian" documents are genuine and everyone else in the whole wide world is lying. If we don't believe the documents are genuine, we are all lairs. According to Mapes, she isn't crazy or lying herself. No, it is everyone else on the planet.


Forgive me, but here is the ultimate *plot*spoiler* for "Truth and Duty" [warning: DO NOT READ if you want to know the surprise ending of this surprising book]: Mary Mapes was fired by CBS and it is all George W. Bush's fault.

[AND KARL ROVE TOO!!! He's in on the plot!]

Let us pause to consult the dictionary: "Mono*ma*nia: Function: noun. 1: mental illness especially when limited in expression to one idea or area of thought. 2: excessive concentration on a single object or idea."

[Closely related to DUmmieMania.]

In "Truth and Duty" Mapes also argues she was not ideologically motivated and just doing her job. "ideo*logue: Function: noun. 1: an often blindly partisan advocate or adherent of a particular ideology." Whatever her motive, Mapes's arguments about the authenticity of the "Killian" documents are candidates for the "trilemma" challenge made famous by C.S. Lewis. So here it is (with apologies to Clive):

1. Lord: Mapes is the presenter of factual documents, and thus spoke the truth.

2. Liar: Mapes knew the documents were fakes, but she said they were real anyway.

3. Lunatic: Mapes presented fake documents, but she mistakenly believes they are real.

[4. Leftist: Mapes knew the documents were fakes, but she still believes they are real in the Alternate Reality.]

Mapes claims in "Truth and Duty" that she is neither lair nor ideologue, and since everyone on the whole planet, except for Mapes, believes the "Killian" documents were produced on Microsoft Word default settings, Mapes's trilemma case ends in choice three: "Truth and Duty" therefore, is a work comparable to a Looney Tunes romp.

[Not quite everyone on the whole planet. Mary Mapes still has true believers in DUmmieLand.]

"Lun*a*tic: Function: noun. Etymology: Latin. 1: Inordinately desirous; foolishly eager."

[A perfect definition of a DUmmie.]

Well, let's forgive this lapse then, the woman believes in fairy stories and moonmaids and has never heard of William of Ockham. So how good is "Truth and Duty" on other merits? (other than belly laughs, we mean).

[Actually it is quite good for belly laughs. I am looking forward to laughing at liberals who think they have to defend her lunacy.]

Even if Mapes had no agenda to get President Bush she does have an agenda now. And that agenda is cashing in. "Truth and Duty," therefore, as a readable work of fiction, suffers from that agenda. Throughout it is obvious Mapes is hoping "Truth and Duty" sells well enough to option to Hollywood and make her the Erin Brokovitch or Karen Silkwood of her age. Hence, the book is suspiciously filled with dramatic chick flick clichés from page one to page 384.

[I see this book as comedic source material for the same South Park producers who made "Team America."]

Mapes repeats like a Transcendental Mediation mantra that she is a "professional" until you get tried of it ("self-actualization, self affirmation, imagine yourself in the role," we almost hear her chant). By about the 80 millionth time she describes herself as a "professional," you wonder why she herself did not weary of typing the word.

["I am a professional. I am a professional. I am a professional. John Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan. 20. Visualize your own Alternate Reality."]

In addition, we are constantly assaulted with a description of how Mapes "feels" in every other paragraph (would that Mapes ever paused to "think" she may not be in this mess). She slams the telephone in anger (go girl!). We are given frequent locations and descriptions, and ghastly memories of what she was wearing. Other whopper chick flick clichés: Mapes cries in the bathroom (so high school, girlfriend); expresses well-thought-through-righteous-anger at sexist, elitist, corporate hacks *behind*big*desks*; portrays herself as a victim of chilly conversation at *conference*tables*; and as the victim of a male corporate conspiracy during "probing" in *corporate*office*buildings*. With the dripping sinister atmosphere she tries to capture, you'd think the ordinary florescent lit places folks go about their humdrum workdays was the set of a Vincent Price movie.

[Melodrama, thy name is Mapes.]

But the real chick flick item without equal: Mapes also is abandoned by the man she loved (guess who!). You don't even need a film budget for this one, just splice scenes from other movies into Mapes's "girl interrupted" romance and Presto!, instant movie version of "Truth and Duty."

[Mrs. Dan Rather will be "pleased" to read this.]

I began to hear Dolly Parton signing "9 to 5" on about page 200, and half expected Lily Tomlin to show up somehow.

[I'm thinking the chick prisoner singing scene in "Chicago."]

It would be to sad to recount all the well known facts of the CBS meltdown, but let's take a look at some of the fantastic leaps of logic that are revealed from the brains and scrambled eggs of Mary Mapes's worldview in "Truth and Duty":

Howler No. 1: Bill Burkett, the mysterious Lucy Ramirez, and her unnamed "dark complected" agent (both only confirmed to exist by Burkett), are all reliable sources, but dozens of experts and available eye witnesses publicly quoted by Mapes's competitors at the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, and The Washington Post, are not (page 50 - 384).

[Hmmm... Would Lucy's "dark complected" agent happen to be Ricky Ricardo?]

Howler No. 2: Mapes and Rather are bravely telling the truth, while the evil Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, other networks, and eventually CBS itself, are not (page 148).

[Update: Even Dan Rather has recently ditched Mapes' delusional scenario.]

Howler No. 3: Mapes's supposed political "liberalism" is simultaneously both why CBS is out to get her, and *not* why CBS is out to get her (see page 312).

[A terminal case of self-contradiction.]

Howler No. 4: Corporate suits at CBS are driven by greed, but Mapes, accepting a check of $250,000 for this book's advance is just pay since she is merely a noble warrior for the truth (page 356).

[If you lie or commit a heinous crime, your "punishment" is a lucrative book deal. Only in America.]

The obvious descriptions are "tedious" and "self serving" for this dreary hash of the CBS debacle, but the more you read, the more horrifying it becomes: for this is not really a journalist documenting her story. No, what made the book fascinating (and why I give it three stars) is the resemblance to a full blown messianic narcissistic delusion. Outside of clinical journals that reproduce excerpts this likely will be the closest a layman will ever come to reading such literature. By page 45 of this whacky wabbit's woeful wegend, wascle Psychiatwist weaders are weaching for prescwiption pads, scwibbling "withium" and dwopping them in the mail to St. Martins.

[Mary Mapes: The Captain Queeg of biased journalism: "Ahh, but the photocopies that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the document file DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled me out of action. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow producers..."]

And by page 384 we are as exhausted as Elmer Fudd after an encounter with Bugs Bunny. We've all had this argument before with a sibling, a friend, a spouse, a parent, or co-worker. An argument where someone is so vewy vewy wrong but nevertheless despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary you cannot get them to admit it and they keep slapping you around. And just like Bugs with Fudd, Mapes claims it is *us* slapping *her* around, as she assaults us with another whopper and claims it is our or GWB's fault. Eventually you just give up and start singing the Looney Tunes theme song yourself, right along with Mapes.

[Mapes hands over ears. Yelling: "NAH! NAH! NAH! NAH! NAH! NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO FACTS! DAMN THOSE WASCALLY WEEPUBLICANS!!! NAH! NAH! NAH! NAH! NAH!" ...And now on to the final RATIONAL book review.]

Since the book is not out yet, I have only read the exerpted first chapter. It does not bode well for the rest of the book. It is filled with inaccuracies. I'll list just a couple of examples. She claims that Buckhead, the lawyer who nailed the documents as fakes, posted before the show was even off the air. Not true. She claims that faxing or photocopying a document that does not have proportional spacing or superscripts can make those things appear to be present. I would like to see her take any authentic 1970's document and produce those changes.

[I've seen the Tooth Fairy perform this trick but no one else.]

Monday, November 07, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 11-07-05 ("Where were you on November 2, 2004?")

Where were you in '62? Remember the movie, "American Graffiti?" That's similar to the title of this DUmmie THREAD, "Where were you on November 2, 2004?" However, instead of fond nostalgia for the past, in the DUmmies case it is yet another NIGHTMARE. This is why it is FUN to read their memories of not-so-long ago. As usual, the DUmmie nightmare of Elections Past is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suddenly thirsty for that champaign that Susan Estrich was copiously guzzling down that November day, is in the [brackets]:

Where were you on November 2, 2004?

[Falling off my sofa at home while laughing my ass off at the drunken rant of woe being presented by Susan Estrich on FOX.]

As you all know, tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of the 2004 election. What a ride this past year has been? And DU has been in the forefront of all the latest happenings.

[DUmmieland was in the forefront of the greatest mental meltdowns. Among my faves were all the DUmmies melodramitically "standing up" and revealing their real names. The various Alternate Reality threads envisioning John Kerry being inaugurated on Jan. 20 were also among my faves.]

So as we approach tomorrow's anniversary, I thought it would be nice to post about where your were one year ago (physically, mentally, etc..).

[Thank you for the trip down Memory Lane. I'm sure I'll get lots more laughs travelling down that road again.]

I'll start:

[I'll try not to laugh...for about 2 seconds.]

I remember logging in extra early on the morning of, as the polls were opening through out the country. It was typical fall day here in Chicago, but it seemed like something was in the air. Would it be the day, we get our country back? Well the early exit polls and analysis were looking very promising. And I recall one of the last updates I saw before heading out around 4:00 pm, was Zogby having Kerry winning in a landslide.

[BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And I bet at this point you were popping the cork on your champaign bottle just like Susan Estrich.]

Picked up my wife and son (then 2 years old), and we went to vote at the school a few blocks from our house. Everyone was talking about the amazing turn outs, record breaking numbers, etc... Got back home grabbed the laptop and started my routine (CNN, MSNBC, 1 Second of Fox). We all know how this story ends.

[Hee! Hee! Hee! YUP! We sure do know where this story ends. I only wish I could see video again of Susan Estrich's drunken rant on FOX News that night.]

The amazing thing is, as early as 3:00 am, people were already posting about irregularities and other incidents that were being reported. The report of the 4k extra Bush votes at a precinct in Ohio, was first noted here well before it hit the MSM.

[Actually I would have been amazed if the DUmmies didn't claim voter fraud. It's sort of a reflex action on their part whenever Democrats lose.]

Physically, I was
Standing in a cold intersection in southern NH, holding a Kerry/Edwards sign, and waving at cars going by.

Mentally/Emotionally: Praying (to what, I'm not sure - I'm an agnostic) that our country would be delivered from the evil * cabal.

["Dear God in Heaven. I promise to believe in you...But ONLY if Bush loses."]

The next day, I was sobbing like a baby as I watched Kerry & Edwards give their concession speeches.

[I was laughing like a delerious baby when Kerry & Breck gave their concession speeches.]

Registering voters in West Los Angeles

[REGISTERING voters on Election Day? No wonder Democrat vote fraud is so rampant. Did you work the West Los Angeles cemetary to register those "voters?"]

Walking by the Washington Monument. The afternoon was warm.
The sunshine was streaming over the area. Buoyed by early exits, I felt I was walking on air. Past the WH, dreaming about how wonderful life would be now. Dreaming about how now the poor and downtrodden would have new hope. How all children would now have health insurance.

[Cheer up. All these things did happen...in the Alternate Reality.]

It took me more than two months to get past an overwhelming feeling of dread and cried so many tears as if I were in mourning for my country.

[SNIFF! Here, grab my hankie.]

I was a Zombie for about two weeks. Didn't think I'd pick my life up again. Barely celebrated the holidays...was in such a funk.

[Is that you, Susan Estrich?]

I hate to remember it. When Rove wasn't indicted with Libby last week I had a sort of "flashback" of that time... But, I'm okay now about it all.

[All that happened was that Lucy pulled the football away from you, AGAIN.]

I'll never get over it.


When I found out Kerry had conceded, I was at work, and had to go to a meeting. I laid my head down on my desk and had a quick cry, then sat through the meeting practically catatonic.

[Apparently you never recovered.]

I knew we were in trouble when a family showed up right before the polls closed. They had recently moved about 40 miles away, but hadn't changed their voter registration yet. The kids were wearing fundie t-shirts. The woman said, "We probably wouldn't have bothered, but it's just so important this year." I just nodded.

[Beware voters wearing Fundie T-Shirts.]

I was working GOTV in Las Vegas
Mostly vanning elderly Democratic voters, or ones without transportation, to the polls. Very well coordinated last year, I might add. Far superior to 2002.

In early afternoon we got a break and I snuck a peak at DU. Euphoria prevailed. Everyone was posting about the early exit polls and Kerry's certain victory. I took it at face value without studying the numbers. I called my friend Paul and he bet big on Kerry for us at the one website still taking action, since you're betting against other people not the website itself. Paul called me back and confirmed the wager. Kerry was a 2/3 favorite at the time due to the reports of early exit polls. Within a half hour of our bet, that went even higher, to 1/2.

Many hours later our GOTV group was excused, earlier than I expected. I drove home in a hurry and turned on the TV and DU, anticipating a night long celebration. At that point I decided to peek at the early exit polls that had caused all the celebration, and my wager. Within 45 seconds I was numb beyond description. The early exit polls were obviously garbage. You had numbers like up 18 points in New Hampshire, up 10 in Pennsylvania and down only 3 in North Carolina. I've studied state by state trends long enough to know those were glorified crap, skewed to Kerry by ridiculous margin. About 15 hours earlier I'd posted a thread on DU warning about the early numbers from 2002, how terrible they were.

Then I peaked at Ohio and Florida. It was the most sickening feeling since the SCOTUS decision in December 2000, actually much worse than that because I never thought 2000 would switch to our favor, but here I was for hours certain Bush had finally been properly evicted. The Ohio and Florida early exit poll numbers had Kerry only slightly ahead, one or two points. At that point I turned off my computer and TV and fell energy less on my bed for hours. Kerry was a certain loser. The early polls were all slanted in his favor, and since Ohio and Florida were only a point or two they would never hold up given how far off the other states were and therefore the trend.

DU was still celebrating even while I was in indescribable despair. The money I lost didn't mean a damn thing in comparison, although it was a four figure chunk and I scolded myself for not being more careful in checking out the early numbers, especially since I'd warned against putting too much stock in them.

[That was the FUnniest thing about Election Night. The DUmmies gloatingly celebrating their "victory" until reality slapped them hard in the face. Oh, and I feel even better now knowing that you lost at least a thousand bucks on the election.]

It was cold and rainy

The exact opposite of tomorrow which is sunny 70's.

I was full of hope.

Later enthused turned to disbelief turned to anger and deep sadness.

I feel better now.

[Thank you for that Election Loss haiku.]

took a day away from work to drive my neighbors to the polls. took the next day off too...to hang a sign seceeding my apartment from the US union & posting a UN flag in my yard, then wandering aimlessly about the world.

[And you are still wandering aimlessly with your UN flag.]

I was at work - night shift
It was so close that I broke down and cried. My boss found me in an empty room and we cried together.

Of course, that was nothing compared to the next morning when I heard Kerry concede. I had Kerry posters up in all of my windows and I tore them down and tore them into tiny bits screaming in rage the whole time. I called one of my partners but I'm fairly sure he couldn't understand a word I said as I was sobbing but the gist of it was "That bastard f*cked us!!!!! He really f*cked us!!!

My body often responds to my emotional state in a way that can only be called poetic and within the month I had to go on a heart medicine (I'm still on it). My heart was broken.

[Apparently your head isn't in any great shape either.]