Monday, November 01, 2010

Skinner Prepares DUmmies For Tuesday Night Disappointment

The election situation has developed not necessarily to DUmmie advantage.

So now Head DUmmie Skinner is preparing DUmmieland for election night DEFEAT tomorrow as you can see in his THREAD, "We've got an election on Tuesday, and it might not go so well. Here's what to expect on DU." Well, I know what I expect...LAUGHS! Lots of them thanx to Drama Queen DUmmie histrionics. Yes, I fully expect the BEST comedy GOLD out of DUmmieland. It should be a goldmine there tomorrow night, chock full of comedy nuggets that will be fully processed by the DUFU Mining Corp.. So let us now watch Head DUmmie Skinner prepare the DUmmies for their End of Times tomorrow night in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, preparing to go into full Max Cady laugh mode tomorrow, is in the [brackets]:

We've got an election on Tuesday, and it might not go so well. Here's what to expect on DU.

[Drama Queen chaos.]

As you all know, we've got an election on Tuesday and there's a good chance that the results are not going to be good for Democrats. If somehow we hold on to both houses of Congress, then I think we'll have a good night here on DU and the aftermath will be (for the most part) fine. We've been very lucky in that we haven't had to deal with a bad election since 2004.

[Ah! Those were the days, my friends. Drama Queen antics like standing up and stating your names, "We're sorry" sobbing, and plenty of paranoia topped off with the DUmmies getting deliciously ripped off by Bev Harris. However, I have faith in the DUmmies that they can now outperform those 2004 highlights.]

But if we lose one (or God forbid both) houses of Congress, things are likely to get pretty ugly here on DU for a few days. I wish that weren't the case, but I think it's probably inevitable. Especially considering how friendly DU has been this past year. (That's sarcasm.)

[Inevitable. Hear that DUmmies? Defeatism from your Head DUmmie. Time now to consider the Heaven's Gate solution.]

So, depending on what happens, here's what I think you can can expect...

[Pied Piper Pitt's election prediction thread shoved up his butt?]

1. Everyone needs to GET OUT AND VOTE.

[Hear that DUmmies? GET OUT AND VOTE...on Nov. 3.]

I know that I have no power to make anyone actually get to the polls. But if you don't, imagine me sending very rude thoughts over the intertubes at you. We've talked and talked and talked about this election, and I know some DUers are disappointed with President Obama and the Democrats in Congress. BUT STILL, now is the time when your actions actually matter. You can come to DU and complain about Democrats all you like and post the most absurd baseless hyperbole. That's fine -- you got caught up in the moment and you said some stuff you really didn't believe. But everyone here is smart enough to know that ELECTIONS MATTER, and WHO CONTROLS CONGRESS matters, and WHO CONTROLS ELECTIVE OFFICES ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY matters. I am confident that you will all do the right thing, as long as you GET OUT AND VOTE.

[Just imagine Skinner throwing the Mother of All Hissy Fits when the Democrats lose.]

2. After you're done voting, come here and hang out with your DU friends (and DU frenemies).

[Will Pitt hang out with Bobo the Hobo?]

We're all in this together. We win together, or we lose together. We all know that More Democrats = More Progress, and More Republicans = More Garbage. On Tuesday, we are all rooting for the same team.

[More DUmmies = More Laughs.]

I hope everyone will check in and let us know when you have voted. You can even dress up with one of these cool "I voted" avatars, like the one I'm wearing right now. (I haven't voted yet this year. I just never took it off after voting for President Obama in 2008. Man, that was the best.)

[How about if you dress up with one of those cool "I voted" tutus?]

3. We'll probably get a lot of traffic to our site on Tuesday and Wednesday, which may affect your ability to get to the site.

[Especially since DUmmieland will probably experience yet another collective mental meltdown and be offline for days until the white coated men show up with the Lithium shots.]

If necessary, we may have to turn off certain site functions so we don't bog down our servers. This will help speed up load times, if they are lagging. If we do turn off certain functions, there will be an announcement posted on the top right corner of the Latest Page explaining what we have done. Don't be alarmed.

[We already know that the mental functions in DUmmieland were turned off from the get-go.]

4. If people start posting a lot of divisive garbage, we may dump all of it into one GD forum.

[How about you dump all of it into Pied Piper Pitt's butt since his prediction thread will be widening the tunnel there.]

On Tuesday evening, if things start getting ugly, we are going to enforce a hard split between the two General Discussion forums. We have done this in the past, including during the aftermath of the disappointing 2004 election, and it works pretty well. The General Discussion forum would be designated as the support forum, and the General Discussion: Presidency forum would be designated as the infighting forum. Their names would be changed to reflect their purpose. (At this point we haven't figured out what we're going to call them or exactly how we are going to define the split, but we'll figure it out before Tuesday night.) Whenever someone clicks "post" in either GD forum, they will be presented with an interrupt page directing them to post their topic in whichever forum is more appropriate.

[There is another forum you left out: General Discussion: Mental Health.]

If anyone posts a divisive infighting topic in the GD: Support forum, the moderators will move the thread into the GD: Infighting forum. The moderators have the sole authority to decide which threads are divisive.

[GD: Primal Scream.]

5. If you want the Democrats to lose, GO AWAY.

[Unless you are a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I fully expect that there may be lots of finger-pointing and "I told you so" posts, and as much as I don't like it I understand it is going to happen. That's fine. But if anyone seems a little too gleeful that the Democrats lost and the Republicans won, we're not going to cut you a great deal of slack. If you want to celebrate a Republican victory, take it to Free Republic.

[...Where the DUmmie FUnnies threads will be posted.]

I think that's everything. Fingers crossed, hoping for the best.

[But knowing the WORST is about to happen.]


[GO DUMS! ...and now for more comedy from the rest of the DUmmies...]

Win or lose at least I know I did much as I could and will vote tomorrow and spend the rest of the day driving little blue hairs around.... Until the polls close and I can run around to the different after parties... Lol

[Unfortunately for you the purple hairs from the Goth clubs WON'T be voting.]

My wife and I live in NY but will be down in Florida to help a candidate in a very risky seat.

[Down in Florida where you will probably be voting for a SECOND TIME.]

are you helping Grayson?

[Yes. I'm the one delivering his lithium treatment to his rubber room.]

And please, no scapegoating of our own.

[Except for WILLIAM RIVERS PITT. He jinxed you by predicting Democrat victories. He's the one to blame when you lose tomorrow.]

I think everyone needs to understand that if the election goes badly, Democratic Underground might not be very pleasant. I doubt that anything posted here would surprise me.

[Added Cheerless Leader Skinner.]

Regardless of what happens, it's good to know that DU is prepared.

[Yes, those Heaven's Gate pills have already been placed in your Dixie cups.]

There are a number of people openly advocating a primary challenger for Obama in 2012 on a recent thread in GD: P. It had nothing to do with polling data; these people have been hoping for this for a while.

[Psst! Can you say "Hillary?"]


[Why do I smell LOUSY FREEPER TROLL with this not so subtle reference to shoving something up someone's (William Rivers Pitt) butt?]

I honestly feel like a damn freight train is barreling down on us.

[Watch out for that freight train barreling out of Pitt's tunnel.]

Going to drive to Otown to try and help Grayson tomorrow.

[IF they open his zoo cage tomorrow.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"(I haven't voted yet this year. I just never took it off after voting for President Obama in 2008. Man, that was the best.)"

LOL! You mean to tell me he hasn't voted in any primaries or local elections since 2008 and yet he has the hypocritical audacity to lecture everyone with, "But everyone here is smart enough to know that ELECTIONS MATTER, and WHO CONTROLS CONGRESS matters, and WHO CONTROLS ELECTIVE OFFICES ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY matters."

Sheesh! I've voted in every single local election here in Missouri for the past five years! That's about four or five of 'em this year alone---I'll tack on another one tomorrow!

If head drama queen Skinner really believed all that Animal House-ish motivational BS he just spouted, he wouldn't just sit around and wait for the federal elections every two years. But hey, I'm not going to be the one to tell him that those seemingly insignificant local elections are what set up future federal elections...


7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm curious, how are we going to tell if the DUmmies have lost their minds? They seem to always need big restoring sanity rallies.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Beefeater said...

WilliamPitt (1000+ posts) Sun Aug-15-10 11:25 PM
Original message
We will keep the House. We will keep the Senate. Obama will be re-elected in 2012.

Bookmark this thread. You can shove it up my ass if I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong.

Where is the K-Y?

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"rude thoughts over the intertubes"-DUmmie

Last time I experienced rude thoughts over the intertubes, I almost lost my friend's cooler while floating down the Guadalupe' River. He was pretty mad.

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

"We've got an election on Tuesday, and it might not go so well. Here's what to expect on DU."
1. Lots and lots of threads claiming that they lost because the elections were stolen, without providing any evidence.
2. In addition, lots and lots of threads claiming that they lost because all Americans not exactly like them are brainless hillbillies under mind control from Fox news and talk radio, paving the way to general anti- American threads.
3. Lots and lots of threads by DUmmies claiming they're going to move to either Canada or France, none of whom follow through with these claims, of course.
4. Lots and lots of death threats made against Republican candidates who win, and occasionally against conservative relatives/ acquaintances.
5. Every thread will see the "F" bomb dropped a minimum of 12 times.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

Adam, don't forget about Karl Rove. Add him to your #2 or make a whole different catagory for him.

We ALL KNOW that he IS at the controls of that 'freight train' barrelling down upon the DUmmies... :D

10:15 AM  

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