Wednesday, January 07, 2009

"One toilet for every 6,000 people (at the Inaugural)"

The Day When Everything Finally Changed, Version 47.0, is fast approaching. Yes, the historic day of the inauguration of the Young Prince, Obambi, will be here quicker than you can say Joe Robinette. The adoring throngs will make their way to Mecca for the coronation inauguration, D.C. will become Obama Nation, and it will be a sight to behold: Millions and millions massing on the Mall as Obamassiah deigns to reign among us mere mortals. We are not worthy! The sun will come out, the snow will melt, birds will sing, and the cherry blossoms will bloom around the Tidal Basin. And the merry progs will party into the night.

Only one fly in that ointment: NEEDS MORE POTTY! Inauguration Day will be short on Inaugurinals! Not nearly enough potties to accomodate the happy hordes of Husseiniacs! ¬°OCUPADO! Think of all the discomfort, the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth!

So, is this some sort of EEEVIL Rovian plot? D*mn you, Bush! Yes, the DUmmies are pissed (so to speak). Witness this THREAD, "One toilet for every 6,000 people (at the Inaugural)."

So cross your legs and hold on long enough to watch the DUmmies squirm, in "Occupied" Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who unfortunately will be washing his hair all day on January 20 and thus miss the festivities, is in the [Barackets]:

One toilet for every 6,000 people (at the Inaugural)

[It could get crowded in there!]

I have ONE word for that...... ewwwwww!!!!

[I have ONE word for that...... WHEEEEEE!!!!]

Where *I* will be watching, there will be three bathrooms for every two people ...... and it will be 72 degrees.

[Fair-weather fan! Where is your dedication, your zeal, your commitment to THE CAUSE??]

And you can not only bring large bags, you can bring any kind of recording device you want to, you can bring your cat, a steak knife, wads of paper to throw at Dick Cheney (and you'll have a pretty good shot at him) and you dont have to wear shoes.

[Unless you plan to throw them.]

I eat, sleep, drink and breathe Barack Obama. . . .

[Better not DRINK too much Obama that day.]

but I dont get it. I wouldn't get anywhere NEAR that mess.

[The potty shortage will put the MESS in Messiah!]

Those of you who ARE going .... you are in my prayers.

[O most gracious Gaia, we implore Thee that Thou wouldst send Thy white light into the bladders and bowels of Thy faithful people, that they may hold their peace all the day long, before the night cometh and the potties open and they find relief for their distress; in the name of The One, Barack Obama, piss be upon him. Amen.]

And the ONE thing no one's mentioning ..... 1985 .... Ronald Reagan ...... blizzard ..... oath of office administered INSIDE the Capitol!

As for Reagan ducking out of some snow - he was from southern CA. Obama's from northern IL.

[As a matter of fact, REAGAN was from northern Illinois, born and raised there. Obama was born . . . somewhere . . . and raised in Hawaii and Indonesia.]

there's no friggin way I'm going. I'm hiding for dear life for that entire weekend.

[Is that you, Obambi?]

I'd get the heck out of Dodge on Thursday if I were you.

[But then you'd miss the Dodge Ball!]

OK that whole bathroom thing just strikes fear into my heart.

[Is that you, Larry Craig?]

I have to have almost immediate access to one at all times.

[Wait, I think it's Barney Frank!]

There have been large events at the mall before, so why is there such an issue with toilets this time? I keep hearing about this. Is it to maybe encourage folks to not show up at Obama's inauguration? Sour grapes because there are so many people that want to be there? Kinda makes me wonder.

[Six posts after the OP before the conspiracy theories begin. What took so long?]

The demonstration against the surge was 500,000 on the mall. . . .

[Sure it was. And the Downing Street Memo rally was in the tens of thousands, and DUmmieland has over 100,000 users. Right.]

We were bussed to the subway and took care of ourselves from there.

[Be careful not to pee on the third rail.]

Plan to play it by ear totally.

[One if by front, two if by rear.]

Crowd control by discouragement, I guess. Advertise there will be a minimum of porta potties and lots of people won't bother to show up for that reason alone.

[It's a Perfect Rovian Potty Plot!]

Get your Depends, baby!

[benburch always wears cloth diapers.]

And don't drink the water.

[Drink the Kool-Aid.]

Or a leg bag, which is the choice of many fine, southern gentelmen on their way to their local SEC football game. (Apperently they also use them while out hunting down wildlife to stroke their male egos.)

[Gratuitous dig at white male southerners.]

sure am glad I am not a bush in the general area. . . .

[Stay outta the Bushes!]

hope there's no booing.

[hope there's no pooing.]

One phrase: personal urination device.

[One word: Inaugurinals.]

my husband has one per his job with the electric company. He is driving around all day, shutting people off or collecting payments per his job as field collector. . . .

[You're married to an EEEVIL energy profiteer, oppressing the masses???!!! How DARE you post here!!!]

a personal urination device! A little bottle thingie you can pee into. Probably easier for men them women. . . .

[Even the personal urination device is sexist!]

nothing for #2 but what are you going to do?

[Get a bigger bottle?]

I have no desire to be catheterized.

[Don't give ben ideas.]

There are several products marketed for women. I used to use one when I could still backpack. . . .

[You pee into your backpack??]

Thanks. Info I can use.

[No thanx. TMI.]

I've been at events on the Mall where there were inadequate porta potties, and, wow. Wow, wow, wow is all I can say.

[All I can say is Hee! Hee! Hee!]

They can use the Freeper's porta-potties. . . .

[Thank you, DUmmie sniffa. How about we use your bucket from the homosexual pride parade?]

It is a security precaution that will ensure the event is freeper free. they need a much better potty ratio to be in the area.

[A freeper in every potty.]

Get your orders in now: Ladies, that is.

[Me flee shewee.]

You couldn't pay me to attend that mob scene. I'm making popcorn, and stocking up on foam rubber things to throw at the TV when the good preacher is yakkin'. . . .

[The War On Warren (WOW).]

you "eat, sleep, drink and breathe Barack Obama"? creepy.


My first thought was... sh*t.

[Hold that thought.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

And Lo! The Chosen One didst part the yellow waters with a wave of his Arugula Wand!

And the Sheeple said: "Dayum! Now if He couldst but rid us of our excitement-driven poops, all would be well..."

And The Chose spake unto them: "Nay! I don't 'do' sh*t. It is aboveth mine pay grade"."

So they stood shivering in the vast field of fertilizer, listening to more fertilizer, and remarking on the portents for the country.

And it was not good.

(The Holy Book of Zero ch.3 v.11-17)

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good thing I'm not "facilities challenged" at the present time 'cause this one made me laugh 'til I almost wet my pants as it was.

DUmmieFunnies is on my daily must read list. Thanks for always brightening my day.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why would they need porta-potties? They're all just going to soil themselves froom the excitement anyway.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

Can someone broadcast that "brown note" I just saw on South Park please?

12:13 AM  
Blogger Mo K said...

Mebbe those who can't get to a porta-john in time will experience a "reverse-Matthews": a trickle (I mean "thrill") going down their leg.

It's insane, all of the lockdown measures they're taking around here.
Even if they weren't shutting down parts of 395 and the bridges from VA, you couldn't PAY me to be in D.C. on the 20th, I don't care WHOSE inauguration it is.
BTW, here's a link to an image of the areas of closure and restriction, if you know some poor soul who is making his/her way into the District on that day.
(Click a few times to enlarge.)

5:24 PM  

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