Friday, December 26, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Pitt's Missive!



It's not Christmas, really, without a visit from that nimble little elf, Wee Willie Pitt. Pitt knows this, of course. He EXPECTS his DUmmieland faithful to be looking forward to such a visit, so the Unusually Reticent One feels compelled to post. (The Formerly Logorrheal One was so quiet this year that voting for him as one of the Top Ten DUmmies of 2008 was something akin to, as one person noted, Cal Ripken getting voted to the All-Star team when he was past his prime.) Pitt's missive is found in this THREAD, "This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but..."

But before we get to that, it is Christmas, so it's fitting that we recall an ode to Pitt from a Christmas Past when we were having a "Bad Pitt Writing Contest" on FR:

THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, when all through the house
Not a FReeper was typing or using their mouse.
Their essays were stored in a file they called "Pitt"
In hopes that the contest would show off their wit.

The authors had wrestled all week to write bad,
While versions of Willie's prose ran off their pad.
And PJ in his perch there atop DUFU Towers
Had just settled his blogs for a few business hours.

When up on the DUFUs there arose such a ruckus,
I sprang from my deep snooze to see what the fuss was.
Away to "My Comments" I flew bada-bing!
Went straight to a Pitt thread to check out the ping.

The mood of delight at a new-written post
Was not what amazed or surprised me the most.
For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a wee little DUmmie who was holding a beer!

With a bald head, an earring--I've got to admit,
I knew in a moment it must be Will Pitt!
More vapid an English I never had heard,
With sentence on sentence and word upon word.

"Now deader! Now duller! Now wordy and prolix!
On pompous! On pond'rous! Impress PJ-Comix!
Till the end of the page! Till a volume you fill!
Now write away! Write away! Write it like Will!"

He spoke not much more, which was so unlike Pitt;
He usually rambles and piles up his spit.
We wondered the cause of this newfound restraint--
Oh, not that we're angry or making complaint!

Was there something amiss? What's the worst that we feared?
But we heard Pitt exclaim, ere he soon disappeared:
"I've got to get back--a new essay to write!
I just heard that Fitz . . . is about to indict!"

And now, without further aDU, here is Wee Willie's latest and the DUmmie reactions, in Merry Fitzmas Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, enjoying Day 3 of Honeybaked Ham, is in the [brackets]:

This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but...

[But it might be you being Will the Shill, the dependable Democrat party hack.]

...some Christmas thoughts.

[Some thoughts so you think about ME!]

1. My fiancee has Multiple Sclerosis. Two of my friends are diabetic. Stem cell research will begin again under Obama. That may mean huge change for them.

[Which will mean huge change for the babies who will be killed if EMBRYONIC (the word Pitt doesn't use) stem cell research begins again. BTW, Pitt, this "fiancee" you've had for, what, a year or two now? When are you getting married? Or is this just some shack-up arrangement?]

2. A dozen of my friends are out of work. Obama's jobs plan and economic ideas stand a great chance of re-employing them.

[And further burdening the taxpayer. Government make-work jobs are not private sector jobs. Also, I didn't know you HAD a dozen friends, Will. Maybe you can get them "jobs" as "contributing editors" at truthout. BTW, what's your old colleague Jason Leopold doing these days? Whatever happened to his BackgroundBriefing (aka "BadGroundBeefing") project?]

3. I don't know any rich people, but I know a lot of middle-class working folks who will be helped by the Obama tax cut plan.

[You don't know any rich people . . . other than Mother Pitt, you mean, whose family fortune keeps you in brewskis. And the Obama tax "cut" plan--good luck with that, when the definition of "rich" keeps going lower, when all sorts of "fees" are instituted, when pass-along costs from overtaxed businesses are passed along, and when jobs are lost because of the tax burden.]

4. Diplomacy will be back in vogue. . . .

[IF Hillary can get off the tarmac in one piece! But the Tigress of Tuzla is FEARLESS!]

5. Maybe three SCOTUS justices will be stepping down in the next few years.

[Maybe only two. And hopefully, just a liberal-for-liberal swap.]

So. Healing sick people. Employing the jobless. Tax cuts for working people. Less war. Better justics. Smells like change to me.

[Smells like B.O. Plenty to me.]

Just sayin'.

[Just pontificatin'.]

Marry Christmas, all.

[Marry your "fiancee," Will.]

(hit and run, off to do Xmas stuff, sorry)

[Off to Bukowski's! Now reactions from the DUmmies . . .]

Less War? Step away from the eggnog. You do know about Afghanistan, right?

[Who put eggnog in Pitt's "eggnog"?]

but,but,but, he made a decision I don't agree with! can we hang him now?

Wouldn't Flaying... Drawing and Quartering be more, I don't know...festive? Kind of holiday-appropriate?

[Obama is the new Bush.]

What if that one issue was slavery? I am not comparing gay marriage to slavery, I am wondering if there is an issue that would make you a one-issue voter.

[Some gay marriages are INTO bondage.]

We won't have to worry the whole time he visits another country that he'll disgrace us by groping heads of state.

[Unless Barry is "on the down low."]

Strict Constructionism = Narrow Minded. And even worse are the Scalia types who believe in originalism, which makes no sense at all. It requires strict constructionism but based upon the interpretation of what the framers MEANT.

[Horrible! Instead, let's make the Constitution mean what we WANT it to mean!]

that remains to be seen, and even so, it won't stop me from speaking truth to power.

[The year would not be complete without one last "speaking truth to power" post.]

It's wonderful that you are making a commmitment to her to love, honor and protect her in sickness and in health, etc., as my partner of 23+ years and I have done - but our relationship is not legally recognized, nor do we have the same rights and benefits of marriage as you both will.

[It's funny: The heterosexuals don't want to get married anymore, but the homosexuals do!]

The bottom line is Obama will do more postive things for the country and it's citizens then not.

[The "then" makes the sentence read unintentionally FUnnie--and probably true!]

Who gives a f*ck?

{Someone got to a keyboard between hits on the bong.]

Why the hell do people now act like Rick Warren = Barack Obama?

[The first Saddleblack President.]

who gives a flying f*cking rat's @$$ what rick warren opposes anyway? does rick warren make policy decisions?

[The Obama Administration = 48 Months of Purpose.]

I think it is too late for some. Insanity seems to have set in big time.

[Engrave this over the entryway to DUmmieland.]

The '50s were great if you were white, male and straight. To hell with everybody else!

[WOO-HOO! Let's hear it for straight white males!!!]

Right on as usual, Will!

[Right on, dude! Righteous!]

Where do you get this "less war" crap? We're going on a great big compensation crusade to Afghanistan to prove we're not wimpy liberals or soft on Islam. . . .

[The War On Wimpiness! (WOW)]

Then there's that religion thing, which is the claxon of tyranny and imbecility. . . .

["Claxon." This DUmmie must have got a "Word of the Day" calendar for Christmas.]

His economic team is like Yogi Bear and his friends guarding the pickinik baskets.

[This is why he picked Tom Vilsack, so he can WEAR THE BEAR!]

"Less war" is ridiculous. To reiterate, No War. No *surge.* And get Gates out of there.

[Storm the Gates!]

Less war is better than a lot of war. Just like 1 tablespoon of arsenic is better than 2 tablespoons.

[Arsenic and Old "Less."]

Merry Christmas Will. sometimes I really miss you around here. . . .

[Finally! THAT is what Will has been waiting to hear!]

one's stance on obama basically depends on accepting the hype or not. his embrace of powell told me everything i need to know about him. warren just confirmed it. he is going to be a lousy president.

[Keep hype alive!]

"Hohoho!! ... Daa chuba tinka!!" "Mmmm.... Gran sha tacha, on bo publika makaneech pooba jeejee pa poonoo weeteebah!... hahahahaaahh."

[DUmmies speaking in tongues! Film at 11!]

Pitt's going to get his... so shut the f*ck up.

[Pitt's going to get his . . . what? His mojo back?]

I know a lot of middle class working folks myself, though, and I'll bet you not one of them gets a tax cut. Not one.

[But YOU, my friend, you are getting a Kewpie Doll, for a brief moment of mental clarity!]

In my experience what tax cuts came my way were soon offset by increased FICA taxes.

[Ah, grasshopper, you are catching on to the tax "cut" shell game!]

Warren's world works out great if you're a white man!!!!!!

[I'm going to Warren World! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!]

In a just world, gay people would have the rights that you currently do, and selfish, hypocritical people like you would lose theirs, if only to teach you a much needed lesson.

[Make Wee Willie live like a gay person for a week! Well, er, on second thought. . . .]

Merry Christmas, Will, no matter how much of your list actually comes to pass.

[Hey, Will accurately predicted Rove's indictment, didn't he?]

I understand the anger of those who did so much for Obama, especially the glbt community. . . .

[What's Eating GLBT Grape?]

Inflammatory headline followed by no actual fight picking. What a disappointment.

[NEEDS MORE CONFLICT!]

when the administration acts like a bunch of unwashed baboons. . . .

[Chimpy McBama.]

pitt doesn't usually think it through. he's just a democrat.

[Hee! Hee! And this is posted on DEMOCRATIC Underground!]

Warren still s*cks purple monkey d*cks. . . .

[The Purple Driven Life.]

what is wrong about being angry at Obama?

[Gotta be angry at SOMEBODY! It's the DUmmie Way!]

Great post Will. Sad that some of the replies to your post labeled you as selfish, hypocritical, dismissive. . . .

[No, Will was EXPECTING--nay, ENCOURAGING--those replies, in order that he could get your predictable and much-coveted "DEFEND-WILL-PITT POST"! Don't you know the dance?]

2 Comments:

Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

The idea that anyone who would be hanging out with Pitt would benefit by the 'public works' program touted by Obama is laughable, in the context of roads, bridges, etc. He must believe that film critique dicussion group nights at the library and public access television programming are part of "Infrastructure."

10:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If they keep getting angrier at Obama I bet we'll soon see a word you don't see on any conservative sites. Yeah, you know which one.

-Corona

10:21 AM  

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