Tuesday, December 02, 2008

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!"

Now that the Young Prince has been elected, I thought everybody's problems would be magically solved?? Then how come DUmmie graywarrior has posted this THREAD, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!"? Well, maybe the magic will have to wait until January 20, 2009. DA*N THAT BUSH! Why can't he get out NOW and let Obambi take over?! So let us grab a hankie and watch the DUmmies commiserate with DUmmie graywarrior, in Red Ink Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the Old Philosopher Charlie Henrickson, thinking maybe PJ-Comix can give graywarrior advice on cutting her grocery bills, is in the [brackets]:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!

[Weeeeeee--WHOOOAAA! Wha' hoppen? I thought Obambi was going to FIX everything??]

The economy is working just great for us! AND and and, we make too much money to qualify for heat assistance! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Thank Gaia for global warming!]

AND and and, we gave our notice to move because we can't afford the rent and our landlady is starting eviction proceedings because we broke the lease (because there is STILL raw sewage leaking in the walls from the two condos above us which she refuses to get on the condo associations ass about)...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Call Joe the Plumber.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND and and, our car broke down on Thanksgiving Day so we had to put $400 on our credit card to get it fixed so we could drive 120 miles back home after visiting relatives we have not seen in years.

[This was Gaia's way of telling you to reduce your carbon footprint.]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! AND AND AND Mr Gray has to have a non-melanoma tumor removed from his arm in two weeks after already waiting three weeks because we have no health insurance!!!!!

[So you don't have health insurance! At least you've got high-speed internet!]



I am so excited to be alive right now I can't tell you! Life is just so great, yessiree. Good thing I am whacky and insane otherwise I'd be sucking on the tailpipe of my Toyota.

[Only non-wacky, sane people suck on tailpipes of Toyotas.]


[Hiya, cousin. . . . You say you tried to sign up for food stamps and unemployment but they fired the people at the food stamp office so you couldn't? You say you make too much money for heat assistance so you threw your money in the fireplace so you'd qualify? And you think you've got raw sewage leaking down the walls, only you're not sure because it kind of blends in with the wallpaper? And you spent your last dollar getting your car fixed so you could visit relatives you don't even like? Is that what's bothering you, bunkie? . . .
Now this is the Old Philosopher saying . . . Let's hear from the DUmmies . . .]

Stay the f*ck away from the tailpipe of your Toyota, do you hear me???

[Support public transportation! Use the tailpipe of a city bus!]

There's one cold comfort in all this. It can't get a whole lot worse.

[Thank you, Mr. Sunshine.]

At least we will soon have a President who will actually do something to correct all this sh*t.

[Yes! Yes! Hope! Change! If only we can hold on a while longer!]

This is my usual food pantry day but I didn't feel like standing outside in 17 degree weather in line for an hour.

[You might get your tongue stuck on a pole.]

And walk through the supermarket and look at the price of bread and milk.

[You need to take PJ-Comix to the store with you, to give you advice. In fact, PJ, you should have your own cable show: "The Grocery Whisperer."]

Things will get better. 1 20 09.

[I have a feeling that, like the Millerites of old, you will experience "The Great Disappointment."]

Once the focus is on us the citizens of America all that ails us will be getting better.

[Come quickly, Obamassiah!]

no health insurance but we do alternative medicine anyway.

[A good joint helps make your troubles disappear.]

Hoping things get better come Feb., March after Obama and Co. can get some programs for the jobless going.

[Obambi to the rescue!]

Come on universal health care and stimulus package..I think about 10,000 each for people in your situation would be great.

[Piker! Go for a HUNDRED thou!]

It is times like these we need to look out for each other. How can we start a secret santa/giving tree type thing on DU?

[DUmmie graywarrior is only $10 away from having $10.]

My only good reliable coping mechanism, when life is the sh*ts, is to take pleasure in small things: a new magazine and a cup of cocoa, a day off when it's snowy outside, a movie or board-game night with family or friends . . .

[. . . making artistic designs out of the raw sewage on the walls. . . . You know, the little things. . . .]

We can all blame bush but sorry to say
It started before his election day
Republicans were in power even then
Although Clinton was the president.

[And come the end of January
When the President is our friend Barry
And Dems in Congress run both houses
We'll still find a way to blame those louses--

Screw the wealthy for begrudging us the right to live.

[When all else fails and your life stinks, BLAME THE RICH!]

this gives me another excuse to scream, "F*ck you, Bush!"

[Well, at least SOMETHING good comes out of all this!]

crappety crap. sending you some mental hope, gw. Hope it helps.

[Look, the walls are getting cleaner!]

I'm sure you'll dig your way out of it but right now, just ugh! Ugh! Ugh!


I am hoping that all this crap is behind you.

[It sounds like it's staring her in the face!]

No insurance here, either, but at least I don't have sh*t in the walls. . . .

[Life is good.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once contacted a golf course to get them involved with fundraising for the American Cancer Society. The owner came back at me with a littany of financial problems both personal and with the his golf course. I patiently listenend as he got louder and louder about who was to blame. Finally he ended with "That's what you get with Bush's America!"

I saw it coming then as we all did with this thread. I've been broke and in monstrous debt before too. The difference is I knew I was the one that caused it.

Now it's time for everyone here at the FUnnies to feel sorry for me and tell me how much they cried after reading my personal story.

11:56 PM  
Blogger Paul Mitchell said...

Anon, I have always wondered why they call it the "American Cancer Society." Shouldn't it be called the "American Anti-Cancer Society?" If y'all would change the name, maybe more people would give. Judging by the outcome of this presidential election, 53% of the voters probably think that y'all are Pro-Cancer.

PJ-Comix, I certainly appreciate you reading the DUmmies' crap and making me laugh about it. Taking one for the team is a good thing, as long as it is someone else taking that one other than me.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUmmies spend entirely too much time talking about their problems publicly. Bush is not stopping any of them from getting a job, a second job, or applying for jobs.

Time to spend less time on the blame game and more time proactively looking for work.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

It's SO easy to blame others isn't it? Just point the finger and ALL your problems are now someone elses fault. You no longer have to take responsibility for your OWN actions.

Yep, Bush caused these folks to have a POS car, he caused their landlord to be an asswipe, he caused global warming, Katrina, the tsunami and EVERYTHING else that's gone wrong over the past eight years.

I can't WAIT until after Jan 20th when these idiots are faced with the stark, cold reality that comrade Obama's campaign rhetoric doesn't EVEN come CLOSE to saving their lazy asses.

How much to you want to bet me that this fool, without a job, without a car (or a fixed POS) without a home etc has a big screen TV, obviously is capable of paying for his internet connection and sips $4.00 lates at Starbucks on a regular basis?

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I just signed up for Food Stamps and Unemployment!"

We warned you about living in Liberal controlled areas. Did you listen? No! You actually thought you were living in the Worker's Paradise. See what unchecked liberalism has wrought?

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Had a cow-orker at my last job who bought a house with shi... um... sewerage soaking through the wall. The previous owner never had a problem.

The previous owner caused it though: Took the pictures down when they sold the house. Included was the picture hung on the nail driven through the waste stack to the second floor.

So: Tell DUmmie to rehang all her pictures from that protest back in 1970 and the problem will solve itself...

Peet (twisted and PROUD of it)

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever notice how fucked up DUmmies lives are? They're either unemployed or have a miserly Scrooge for a boss. They either live in a rotten apartment or their apartment just burned down (either way their landlord is a scumbag). Their old clunker cars are always breaking down on long holiday trips. Their cats are always being put to sleep. Rich people are always sneering at them. Their neighbors are always Rethuglicans. George Bush is always denying them generous welfare benefits. Their lives
always suck.

But Obama will fill their gas tanks and pay their mortgages.

5:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My only good reliable coping mechanism, when life is the sh*ts, is to take pleasure in small things: a new magazine and a cup of cocoa, a day off when it's snowy outside, a movie or board-game night with family or friends . . .

[. . . making artistic designs out of the raw sewage on the walls. . . . You know, the little things. . . .]

That is so perfect. A clear example of some well-off latte-sipping effete metrosexual lib telling the radical lib how to stave off some serious problem. I'm surprised they didn't suggest loading up the spare Prius and heading to Lake Tahoe for skiing, wine & cheese.

Raw sewage on the walls. Performance art. It's not just for breakfast anymore. Yummers.

6:18 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

All right - I am sooooooo slow. I read the post before going back to the link and couldn't figure out what you were talking about.

But then, but THEN...... I went to that weird site. And when I came back here I had the absolute most wonderful belly laugh. It made my day.

The worst was this, though! Graywarrior is in "several" 12th step programs. I'm a card carrying drunk with over 18 years in AA and we would never, ever allow that kind of whining.

Oh man - I've got to get my husband in here to read this....


1:16 AM  
Blogger Bilgeman said...

"Good thing I am whacky and insane otherwise I'd be sucking on the tailpipe of my Toyota."

No, if you were whacky and insane, you'd be sucking on the tailpipe of your all-electric, non-carbon(monoxide)-emitting vehicle.

Then we could ALL enjoy a good laugh at your expense.

As it is, you're just getting a case of Holiday Beat-down.

Good luck, you'll get through it, even without the Long-Legged Mack-Daddy President-Elect's help.

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