Friday, April 29, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-29-05 ("Am I the only person to have a 'physical reaction' to Bush?")

If you want to really annoy a DUmmie, just show him a picture of George W. Bush. Often this will also cause the DUmmies' pulse rate to rise dramatically, teeth to grind, and a strong urge to leave a massive load in their diapers as described in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Am I the only person to have a ‘physical reaction’ to Bush?” The answer to that DUmmie question is “NO,” and you are not the only person to have a MENTAL reaction to Bush. Actually the physical reaction is but the outer symptom of a SEVERE medical condition in which DUmmies go absolutely BONKERS when reminded by the mere sight of Bush that they LOST the election in 2004 (after gloatingly celebrating their exit poll “victory” on Election Day). So let us descend into the bizarre mental world of DUmmieland as the DUmmies unembarrassingly shout out their lunacy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, giving the electro-shock therapy battery a boost, is in the [brackets];

Am I the only person to have a "physical reaction" to Bush?

[No. Thousands of your fellow DUmmies are similarly unbalanced.]

Seriously. I hear "President Bush" and my ears and cheeks burn. When I see him via TV, my abdomen gets tight and my heart rate goes up. When I listen to him, my forehead tightens, my teeth grind and my temples hurt.

[It’s when your diaper gets overloaded with brown sludge that you really have to start worrying.]

I have NEVER had such physical reactions to any human being in my entire life!!! To me, such an experience is totally new and strange.

[I guess the sight of Saddam Hussein merely made you feel warm and fuzzy.]

Am I the only person who is having - has had this experience with any particular person?

[Trust me. You have plenty of company in your insanity, DUmmie Just Me, so let us now observe your fellow inmates.]

I have the same thing. When he comes on the radio in a news report or something, I switch it off as fast as I can. He is not welcome in my home (or my car).

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can't listen to him in the car...If I hear his voice, I'm filled with such revulsion that if another vehicle with any sort of "W" or Neoclannish stickers on it drives by when I'm suffering from fits of Shrub-induced rage and nausea, they run the risk of being cursed out and flipped off at the very least. It's like a terrible fog in front of my eyes.

[I must remember to drive by you in my VW with a George W. Bush speech blaring from my loudspeakers.]

It's the fastest I move when he or his voice appear. As for pictures in newspapers, I keep a Sharpie handy and simply black him out. Yes, it's a visceral and intense reaction. I can see a picture of Hitler and have the same reaction.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

Complete revulsion here. The sound of his voice literally makes me nauseous.

[So that’s why you are constantly barfing on yourself.]

I hate the sound of his voice and detest his smirky ugly face. Everything about him makes my skin crawl. I refuse to watch or listen to him. I've tried and all it does is put ugly thoughts in my mind. I don't need it. May he rot in hell.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

My stomach turns, my eczema flares up and I get a headache. I also get a strange urge to gouge my eyes out or to stick needles in them.

[Be my guest.]

shouting profanities at the top of my lungs seems to take the edge off.

[Yes, it does seem to take the edge off your mind.]

My blood pressure goes way up everytime I just watch him because what I "see" is deception with pleasure,...or something. It's disturbing. Actually, listening to him is far worse, though. That experience really brings meaning to the "head exploding" phrase.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can stand to look at a still photo of him, but if it's moving and has a soundtrack of him talking, I f*cking lose my lunch.

[The POWER our mighty Emperor, Chimpus Khan, has over you is amazing to behold.]

My husband screams, I feel neausus. My father (Vietnam vet) has taken up throwing things across the room. My mother simply leaves the room (probably to avoid flying objects from my angry father) and busies herself instead of, as she says, "no longer acting like a lady" (she's Southern.)

[Mass insanity, all in one family.]

He gave me Colitis. I kid you not. I have such a visceral reaction to the idiot that the stress of him being in Al Gore's WH, his destruction of our country, his LOOKS , the way he talks, the way he walks...EVERYTHING about him PISSES ME OFF. I'm getting mad right now just thinking about him!....He gave me Colitis. My doctor asked me if I had been under any stress and I couldn't go into one of my anti-Bush rants, so I just told The bastard made me sick...literally. I NEVER watch him when he's on TV. I just cannot do it. I go into a rage. I truly do detest the man.

[Bush also gave you your uncontrollable drool from your overflowing bile.]

Never have detested any other person as much as I detest that man. Just the sight of him angers me. Or a news report about him, sets me off. Or listening to his supporters makes my blood pressure go through the roof. Or hearing the MSM fawn over him royally pisses me off!! That's why my TV stays on C-SPAN all day long. I do not want to hear one thing from or about that creature.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

That nasal whine hits my ear drums like an icepick. I turn the sound off immediately. I do not know what would happen if I subjected myself to more than a few seconds of this idiot.

[We now know what torture to subject you to in Room 101.]

ust that *smirk* makes me feel like menopause on steroids.... make that menopause on PCP. That *smirk*, that voice, that psychotic arrogance... I can't stand anything, NOT ANYTHING, NOT ONE DAMN THING, about that *%H$)(#$)$%*%*$!!! I flip the channel as soon as there's the slightest possibility of him desecrating my TV. If I don't do it quickly enough, I'm cussing up a blue streak in a way that would put a well traveled sailor to shame... and if my windows are open, the neighbors get an earful. (Keep in mind that if a man cusses in my presence, he typically excuses his indiscretion very politely... perhaps he thinks I might be offended) I am not typically foul-mouthed, but that WH Resident seems to bring this reaction out in me... quite vociferously.

[Uh…speaking of psychotic…]

I get a terrible bout of diarrhea every time he speaks...Would that count?

[Por seguro. La caca en los pantalones cuenta.]

I just get really tense when I see his smiling face. It has to be bad for my blood pressure. They should have warnings like they do on cigarette labels that say something like "This president is bad for your health".

[“WARNING: The sight of a smiling President may be hazardous to an enraged DUmmie’s Mental Health.”]

he makes my body create negative chemicals that piss me off, upsets my stomach and makes it tighter to breathe.

[Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it impossible for you to breath.]

I scream until I can turn off the image or sound bite featuring that one who calls himself the president. I also emit curses and imprecations.

[You forgot to mention your diarrhea and bile emissions.]

I experience a very real stomach churn when I see his image. It is neither a figure of speech nor hyperbole. I grit my teeth when I hear his voice and I've noticed my shoulders tense.

[I’ve also noticed the rabid foam forming around your lips.]

My heart starts beating rapidly. I know my blood pressure must go up. My stomach gets really sick. I think my nostrils even flair!

[Followed by your cojones dropping off.]

I couldn't bear to hear Reagan either. Smarmy insincerity and blatant ignorance, the outright lies, said with a smile in patronizing, condescending tones, it's all just too repugnant to experience, even via tv or radio.

[Reagan? Wasn’t he the one who caused you to have doody explosions in your pants?]

My MD says he's overwhelmed w/people suffering from panic disorder, anxiety, nightmares, stressful feelings because of that smirkin, thieving, lieing chimp!

[Fortunately your MD is equipped with a mobile lobotomy kit.]

My ears get stuffed up when I hear his phony Texas accent...And although I'd like to interpret that symptom in a psychoanalytic fashion, i.e., my ears are stopping up because I don't want to hear his lies, I'm certain that the ear stuffiness is a by-product of rising blood pressure.

[…And boiling bile.]

I get physically ill. The my stomach gets in a knot at the site or sound of him. I simply CANNOT stand him! It is almost like an extreme allergic reaction...anaphylactic shock type of reaction. My breathing gets rapid, heart beat increases, blood pressure goes up, and I must rush to the radio or TV andget rid of his image or sound.

[Take a 10 gallon yogurt enema and see Dr. Kellogg in the morning.]

No--my blood pressure goes up and I always reach for food.

[The 10 gallon yogurt enema that just went through the body of Dr. Kellogg’s patient?]

My Blood Pressure goes up and I get an awful jolt, like I'm being attacked. It really sucks. Then my family, all repubs, call and try to needle me for fun. It sucks and it is aging me. I got rid of cable TV to protect myself from visceral rage and deep disappointment over the direction of my country.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I'm on meds now that I've NEVER been on before. That primate is making me crazy. The thing that saddens me is that I have two co-workers who give me the same visceral gut-wrench whenever they walk into my office. They're both nice ladies, but they fill me with disgust because they believe all that "man of God" crap he peddles.

[“Making you crazy?” Trust me. It’s a pre-condition.]

I instantly wince.

[Followed by wetting in your diaper.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-29-05 ("Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans")

Do you remember reading the book, 1984 for the first time and thinking that the Hate Week rallies where the Party workers at the Ministry of Truth screeching “HATE! HATE! HATE!” was an interesting literary device but a little unrealistic for an actual situation in life? Well, welcome to the World of DUmmieland in which the 1984 type Hate rantings are not only a reality but the norm as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans.” As usual the DUmmie rantings are in Insoc, I mean Bolshevik, Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching the Hate Week Rally from his telescreen in Room 101, is in the [brackets]:

Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans.

[“The preparations for Hate Week were in full swing, and the staffs of all the Ministries were working overtime. Processions, meetings, military parades, lectures, waxworks, displays, film shows, telescreen programmes all had to be organized; stands had to be erected, effigies built, slogans coined, songs written, rumours circulated, photographs faked.”]

And, I have learned to hate most Christians as well. These people will NOT stop until they destroy everything that is Democratic or Liberal. Whats worse, they always attack with a smug self-righteousness that affirms their belief that they are sooooo much better than everyone else.

[“The new tune which was to be the theme-song of Hate Week (the Hate Song, it was called) had already been composed and was being endlessly plugged on the telescreens. It had a savage, barking rhythm which could not exactly be called music, but resembled the beating of a drum. Roared out by hundreds of voices to the tramp of marching feet, it was terrifying.”]

Now I know (as a white male) how other cultures must have felt as the God-Damn Republican Christians showed up and began to destroy and slander everything that was, or is, holy to them.

[“A new poster had suddenly appeared all over London. It had no caption, and represented simply the monstrous figure of a Eurasian soldier, three or four metres high, striding forward with expressionless Mongolian face and enormous boots, a submachine gun pointed from his hip. From whatever angle you looked at the poster, the muzzle of the gun, magnified by the foreshortening, seemed to be pointed straight at you.”]

hate to say it, but I can actually empathize with the radical Muslims at this level. How can any sane person keep their cool when forced to deal with these lying bastards.

[DUmmie TWiley aka Terrorist Enabler.]

We have been forced into a war on virtually every meaningful front there is in our society.

[Have you sent in your contribution this week to the Progressive Democrats of America?]

I really do hate to rant, but I am sick of these bastards sticking their nose where it does not belong and trying to "evangelize" the world. If we loose PBS to these thugs, then it will be the last straw.

[Bad enough to “loose” on the Eurasian Front but to “loose” PBS…INTOLERABLE!!!]

Does anyone else feel this way?

[Yes. Pretty much all your fellow DUmmies feel exactly the same way, DUmmie TWiley, as we shall see.]

Count me in

[I’m just as full of UNCONTROLLABLE HATE as TWilley.]

I can totally empathize with others. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse, but I've always been able to put myself in the other person's shoes. Unless they're republican. Those are shoes that I refuse to wear.

[Republicans: Beyond the Pale!]

I would guess that individuals who are Christ-like will stop calling themselves "christians" -- to distinguish between their belief in Christ's teachings and the Xians perversion of the name and teachings.

[So what should they call themselves? Unitarians?]

I see even shades of repug thinking here on DU, I see it in the pro spanking crowd, in the inverted self responsibility kicks people get on ,The"Darwin awards" and the quippy stupid bully trolls making fun of fat people in a way they'd be ashamed to do if the epithets and ignorance they hurl at fat people was exchanged with gay or black.. I am sick of hate words like bitch slap,and the people rationalizing exploitation and degradation of women, making excuses for it by trying to redefine it.I hate the mental illness bashing.The spirituality bashing.(different thing than religion) DU has it's scapegoats too.. Until Democrats stop,scapegoating their own, and take their own bigotries and words into account and realize this hypocrisy is in themselves they will not be morally better than the right wing bully party,all that much..Even though ethically they are far better and more human than cheep labor republicans..

[DUmmie undergroundpanther, surrounded by a wide and intricate web of EVIL Republican conspiracies.]

They are incapable of tolarating any diversity.. If it does not look or smell like them, then they must attack and destroy it. The world is a much richer place when differences can be appreciated. I am not sure that the practice of "evangelizing" is compatible with anything other than its own.

[Differences will be tolerated….except for differences in thinking.]

I am beginning to understand the powerless who resort to terrorism in a much more intimate way. While I have never been violent, I am beginning to see why others get that way, and I can almost condone their efforts.

[Yeah, you mentioned that before, DUmmie TWiley. And we have a nice room reserved for you in Gitmo where we can torture you with air conditioning and good food.]

Their grip on power seems to get stronger with each controversy. It is sooo frustrating.

[ALL your bases belong to US.]

They make me sick as well. Mentally and even physically sometimes.

[Here is a Barf Bag you can wallow in.]

How soon before the bastards start marching through liberal areas with big damn drums to celebrate the the victory of christians over the secularists?

[Just as soon as they can decide whether to use Conga Drums or Steel Drums, my paranoid little friend.]

Thursday, April 28, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-28-05 ("The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down")

If you haven’t seen the documentary yet called “Left of the Dial,” I highly recommend that you do so. This documentary chronicles the first year of Err America Radio and shows them going down the economic tubes first by scam. Yes, it turns out that the first head of Err America was writing bad checks and didn’t invest even near the money in that failed enterprise that he promised. The funniest part of all is when the documentary showed the Err America staffers learning of their financial collapse via accessing the Drudge Report which most DUmmies pretend is unreliable. “Left of the Dial” ends on a “high note” showing Err America “recuperating” by getting more investors to blow their money on that failed enterprise. That is how the Left measures the popularity of their radio shows. Not by ADVERTISING REVENUE earned via high ratings but by the number of investors they can sucker into pouring money down a bottomless pit. Funny, I don’t recall Rush rising to the top of talk radio via conservative investors. It was all due to enormous ratings which generated enormous advertising revenues. So Err America is now in a precarious situation of their own making as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD, “The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down.” This latest outburst was inspired by the fact that Randi Rhodes had a tasteless skit on her show featuring Bush getting shot (reported first on the Drudge Report). So now the DUmmies are using the understandable outrage over this threatening skit to pretend that Err America is under assault by “Right Wingers.” What this really means is that when Err America finally goes off the air due to LOUSY RATINGS, the DUmmies will have a ready made excuse. See, it won’t be because the boring Err America shows have poor ratings. No, it was because the EVIL Right Wing shut them down. So let us now watch the DUmmie Err America rant in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if there is anybody out there who has ever stayed awake through an entire Janeane Garofalo show, is in the [brackets]:

The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down. Right now on Scarborough Country, there's a big headline, "LIBERAL HATE SPEECH". They have latched onto this bogus "threat against the president" and are now running hard with it.

[Yeah. It is a vast Right Wing plot to force Janeane Garofalo off the air so her endless droning can’t provide cures to insomniacs any more.]

What threat?? Which show? This is BULLSHIT! Rush Limpballs spewed nothing but hatered toward Clinton for 8 solid years! Which show are they talking about? Do you know?

[The show with low ratings and almost no advertising revenue. Oops! Sorry. That describes ALL of Err America’s shows.]

Now they know how we feel about 24/7 right wing hate radio..The Pukkkes hate Air America and I'm loving it!

[Err America is going down the ratings toilet and I’m loving it!]

No, Randi first heard it BY phone... it was produced in NYC. Randi is in Florida. When I heard her use this excuse, I thought it was lame. She is solely responsible for the content of her show and she can't be making excuses like that. For one, it makes us look like a bunch of amateurs.

[Lame and looking like amateurs. An EXCELLENT description of the Err America programming.]

Thanks to the right for making Randi famouser. maybe she will finally get her due credit if more people listen to her.

[I’m all for making Randi “famouser.” The more people that listen to her, the more they realize what nutjobs the Leftists are.]

This is the ONLY place us liberals/democrats are able to go to!

[Um…You left out NPR, PBS, CBS, ABC, and NBC.]

I used to not be able to walk in a room without turning on the television. Now I only watch a few shows that entertain me, and I've almost totally weaned myself from any of their right-wing biased corporate favoring news.

[Yes. It must be depressing for you to turn on the tube and see that John Kerry was NOT inaugurated on Jan. 20.]

I just downgraded my cable. I realized that I don't watch TV anymore, basically since the elections.

[Please! PLEASE! Keep harsh reality away from me!!!]

Free advertisement for Air America..

[About the only ads Err America will be getting.]

Publicity, good or bad, is publicity!!! It'll put 'em on the map or air!

[Desperation time for Err America when they need an incident like this to get themselves known.]

I'm waiting on Springer to give us the "talk show sensationalism" that he was famous for. He needs to book some really outrageous guests/bloggers anyone that can bring in the ratings.

[Today on Jerry Springer!---DUmmies who BELEEEEVE that Kerry will be inaugurated as President on Jan. 20!!!]

Didn't they learn anything from Fahrenheit 9/11?

[From that movie I learned that Saddam’s Iraq was a paradise on earth where children peacefully flew their kites under the warm rays of the radiant sun.]

This is good for Randi. It's like free advertizement. I bet my bottom dollar that her show's rating will be skyrocketing soon.

[Something needs to happen for Randi to get out of the ratings toilet.]

If you remember for a long time they played down that it won't do well and that nobody will listen etc. Now they're at fifty-three stations.

[53 stations with low ratings and almost no revenue. Yeah, Err America has a bunch of investors but almost no ADVERTISING REVENUE. A weird measure of success.]

Notice the timing...the latest Arbitron ratings for the largest markets came out the other day and AAR is doing well in most markets and continuing to grow.

[Err America is rated 24th in the New York market on their flagship WLIB station. Even worse than the all-Caribbean format it replaced. Yes, Err America is doing just WUUUUNDERFUL!!!]

Mike Malloy just said AAR will be coming to Chicago VERY soon. He didn't have any particulars, but said AAR was losing out on his MILLIONS of listeners from when he was in Chicago on WLS radio. It won't be long now!

[Err America might still be in Chicago if they hadn’t paid off their previous station there with bad checks.]

Chicago's turned into a real mess for AAR...and sadly, it's some Democrats who are creating the biggest problems.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for having a very brief moment of mental clarity!]

As hypocritical....... as it is, it was beyond stupid for them to air that bit.
My god even a f*cking child knows that you don't allude to violence against the president. Someone there was asleep at the switch, and now it will be exploited.

[Sorry, DUmmie. I only award ONE Kewpie doll for mental clarity per thread.]

Freepers are going to taste a lot of disappointment this week

[Just like on the afternoon of Election Day when the exit polls showed Kerry winning by a landslide.]

F*ck them and f*ck the horse they rode in on

[Love that positive mental attitude of yours.]

Randi is great, though I don't listen to her every day.

[LOL!!! Thanx for giving us the HILARIOUS reason why the Err America ratings are down the tubes.]

AAR is becoming a real powerhouse, I'd love to invest in AAR, its absolutely a sure thing.

[Err America is just $10 away from being tops in the ratings.]

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-27-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Blows White Smoke Up His Chimney)

If you think that the major change in the world in the past couple of weeks was the announcement of the new Pope, you would be wrong. According to Pied Piper Pitt, the BIG change was his switch from Truthout to the Progressive Democrats of America which he announced to the DUmmie (m)asses with as much self-important gravity as the annunciation of the new Pope. Here we see Pitt sending his own clouds of white smoke up the chimney as he lets the world know of the momentous change. Not only do we read of Pitt’s PROUNOUNCEMENT but we can also hear him simultaneously read it out via audio. So sit back and watch Pitt self-worship at the Temple of Narcissus in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching Pitt blow a lot of smoke, is in the [brackets]:

Hello there. This is William Rivers Pitt. You may know me from my work these last several years at the alternative news magazine truthout. Well, I am pleased to let you know that I have joined the staff of Progressive Democrats of America as the Editorial Director. My role, among other things, will be to provide reports on PDA actions and activities all across the country, to run the blog, and to write essays on a variety of topics from the Iraq occupation to our actions against Bush nominees like the profoundly unacceptable Mr. John Bolton.

[Hello there. This is PJ-Comix. You may know me these last several years at the local laundromat, Soak’n’Suds. Well, I am pleased to let you know that I have switched to another laundromat, Super Bubbles. My role will be to bore the hell out of you with loads of self-inflated flatulations using $5 words I have gathered from thesauruses all across the county.]

You may be wondering why I left the truthout staff to come to work for PDA. There's no one answer to that. Reporting the real news and providing editorial perspective in this day of commercial, corporate 24 hour cable dreck can certainly be considered activism, but of a somewhat passive variety. I'd gather all the information and get it out to the world, and then wait for someone else to use it actively and effectively. Sometimes my data got used, sometimes it didn't, but I was always in a position of hoping the information I put together moved the pile. With PDA, I can take a far more active role in doing that, something I find profoundly exciting.

[You may be wondering why I left Soak’n’Suds to come wash my dirty laundry at Super Bubbles. There’s no one answer to that but you can bet I will torture you with paragraph after paragraph of tedious explanations of why I made the switch even though I could easily explain it in just one simple sentence. Washing your clothes in this day of just dropping it off at the laundry can certainly be considered activism, but of a somewhat passive variety. I gather all my clothes and get it out to the laundromat. Sometimes my clothes got washed and sometimes I said to hell with it and went to the local bar instead. With Super Bubbles I can do my laundry and get falling down drunk at the same time since this laundromat also includes a bar, something I find profoundly exciting.]

I guess the best way to describe why I am here is to tell you about some of the other people who have dedicated themselves to PDA, and why they are here. Their reasons are also my reasons. One of our people, Sherry, says "I was attracted to PDA's inside/outside strategy and to its focus on including all progressives. PDA provides a place for all progressives at the table whether or not they're already a part of the Democratic Party hierarchy and established structure. PDA encourages new blood... new ideas... new energy."

[I guess the best way to descibe why I am here is to tell you about the other people dedicated to shlepping their clothes to Super Bubbles, and why they are here. Their reasons are also my reasons. One of our people, Sherry, says “I was attracted to Super Bubbles outside/inside strategy and to its focus on inlcuding all inebriates. Super Bubbles provides a place for all drunks at the laundromat, whether or not they are already plastered. Super Bubbles encourages new booze…new glasses…new drinks.”]

David is here because "We'll make change happen by uniting the left and the middle, and the poor and the middle class. All that's working against us is a relatively tiny overclass with the majority of the nation's wealth in its pockets, alongside an increasingly radical right-wing Republican Party." Steve believes "We will reorient the Democratic Party on peace and justice issues, and reconnect the party with its historic mission to protect working families."

[David is here because “We’ll make change happen by uniting the drunks and the lushes and the poor drunks and the poor lushes. All that’s working against us is a relatively tiny overglass of Peppermint Schnapps, alongside an increasingly radical right-wing Office Party.” Steve believes “We will reorient ourselves on the floor when we sober up and reconnect with this party and the historic mission of scoring some working girls.”]

Alysia says "I wake up every morning knowing I'm doing my best to make this country a better place for my daughter to grow up in. I know that PDA can make a real difference, I've already seen it happen. Given what we've done with minimal funding and resources (our 'national office' being contained in each of our cell phones and computers), I have realistic hopes for a better future, and that's worth working for."

[Alysia says “I wake up every morning with a big hangover and a stranger in my bed. I know that Super Bubbles can make a real difference since I can wash my laundry and get drunk as hell at the same time. I have realistic hopes for even wilder parties and that’s worth passing out for.”]

I have many more testimonials like these from the volunteers and staff at PDA, and they all come to the same place: This organization is harnessing the power of liberals and progressives all across the nation to stop the madness that has swept through our lives like a blood wind, and to work every day and every night to create the kind of country we can be proud of, the kind of country we can feel safe raising our children in, the kind of country that can be that shining city on a hill, an example of kindness and goodness and generosity and, yeah, I'll say it, sanity.

[I have many more testimonials that I can bore you with from patrons of Super Bubbles but I will bore you instead with my own sense of self-importance. Super Bubbles is harnessing the power of soap and liquor all across the nation to stop the sobriety that has swept through our lives like a blood wind, and to work every day and every night to create the kind of country we can feel safe to get inebriated in, the kind of country that can be a shiny ice cube in a glass, an example of kindness and goodness, and staring at my own navel. And yes, I’ll say it, insanity.]

I remember walking the halls of the Capitol Building in DC last January reporting on the Boxer Rebellion for truthout. I ran into Kevin Spidel, Tim Carpenter and several other PDA staffers, who had been center-stage in the push to get someone to stand up and shout down the validation of the corrupted Ohio Electoral College votes. I remember very clearly overhearing a conversation between Spidel and a senior congressional staffer who had been neck-deep in progressive activism for thirty years and had the scars to prove it.

[It was a dark and stormy night when I remember staggering down the Capitol Building in DC last January barfing on the floor for foodout. I ran into Kevin Spidel, Tim Carpenter and several other Super Bubbles bartendenders/coin machine operators who had been center stage in the push to get me to stand up and shout down the validation of the corrupted DUI test. I remember very clearly grabbing my crotch and trying to walk a straight line and I had the scars to prove it.]

This staffer told Kevin that in all his time as an activist, he had never seen a better organization than PDA. In his life, he had never seen one group be so effective at pulling together different people and different groups and different voices into one coherent force for change. That's why I am here. There have been other groups before PDA, and there are others out there today that share our goals. But this is the group, and these are the people, that can best affect the changes that are so necessary for the health and well-being both of this nation and the world

[This staffer told Kevin to have another one on the house. In all his life, he had never seen one group so blasted out of their minds with a force of total incoherence. That’s why I am here. There have been other laundromat/bars before Super Bubbles and there are others out there today that share our drinks. But this is the laundromat and these are the people, that can best slobber on the bar counter in a way so necessary for the health and well drinks both of this nation and the world.]

Through PDA, and hand-in-hand with the other groups that are working for a better tomorrow, we will become the change we wish to see in the world.

[Through Super Bubbles, and hand-in-hand with other laundromats that are working for the wish to see in the world a better tomorrow and whatever else I can stack this meaningless sentence with.]

And we need your help. They say money is the root of all evil, and we have seen more than enough proof of that in recent years. But money can also be a force for great good when properly used. Please give what you can to Progressive Democrats of America and help us strive for our common goals. Check out the main page of our website and become a PDA Sustainer. We can do great things together, and we will do great things together, but to get that done we need your financial help and we need it today. If you can give, you have my deepest gratitude.

[And we need your help. Gimme beer money. Give me. Give me! Give me! DAMMNIT---GIVE ME!!! We are just $10 away from making this a paradise on earth. Check out the main page of our website and become a Super Bubbles enabler. We can do great things together but ONLY if you GIMME MONEY. Give until it hurts and then open up your socks you cheap bastard. If you can give even more money, you can have my deepest gratitude which with ten cents won’t even buy you a cup of coffee.]

That's all for now. Keep an eye on the website and the blog for reports, action alert and essays telling you what we have done, what we are doing, and where we will be headed tomorrow. Oh, and for those of you who are fans of truthout, have no fear. I am privileged to be able to continue to write for them as a free-lance journalist. You'll be seeing my stuff there a couple of times a week.

[That’s all for now. Hallelujah! Keep an eye on the website and the blog for even more boring reports, dull alerts, and overlong bloated essays telling you how wonderful I am, what I am doing, and what navel I will be staring at tomorrow. Oh, and for those of you who still frequent Soak’n’Suds, have no fear. I am privileged to be able to continue to barfing my guts out on their floor as a free-loader drunk. You’ll be seeing my lunch chunks there a couple of times a week.]

This is William Rivers Pitt, editorial director for Progressive Democrats of America. Thanks for listening, thanks for giving, and remember: You are the one you've been waiting for. You've been here all along.

[This is PJ-Comix announcing that I will soon be posting my Buttcheek Visitation Schedule so as to better enable the implantation of your overawed lips upon my substantial posterior. Thanks for listening, thanks for giving and remember: I’m the one it’s all about. You’re just here for the ride.]

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-26-05 ("Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges")

I was mighty tempted to DUFU Pied Piper Pitt in this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. After lying low following the extreme humiliation of making himself the laughingstock of the Web with his dopey essay about “The Third American Empire” in which he likened the USA to the Third Reich rising from the nationalistic screams of hockey fans during the 1980 Olympics, Pitt is now making a series of his typical self-important bloated postings in DUmmieland. Following on the heels of the new Pope being announced to the world in Rome, Pitt followed suit and announced to the world of DUmmieland that he is switching from Truthout.Com to the Progressive Democrats of America. Pitt made this announcement with such an air of gravity, I am almost surprised he didn’t precede it by sending white smoke up his chimney for the official annunciation. Today Pitt, realizing what a fool he made of himself with his Leftwing rant about “The Third American Empire,” made a post trying to distance himself from the far left radical elements of DUmmieland. Sorry, Pitt, but your previous postings already condemn you as a whack job and there is no way you can now suddenly pretend that your previous loony writings don’t exist. Yes, the tempation to DUFU Pitt today was there but ultimately I held off due to the fact that his bloated self-importance is ultimately boring as hell. Therefore I have decided to DUFU a thread devoted to DUmmieland’s favorite boogieman, Karl Rove, as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges.” As usual the paranoid DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, in a Perfect Rovian Storm, is in the [brackets]:

Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges deserve vote
By Judy Keen, USA TODAY

[If Master Rove said Bolton will be confirmed, then he WILL be confirmed.]

WASHINGTON — Karl Rove rejected a compromise with Senate Democrats Monday on long-stalled nominations for the federal judiciary and strongly defended President Bush's choice of John Bolton to be ambassador to the United Nations.

In an hour-long interview with USA TODAY and Gannett News Service reporters and editors, Rove, deputy White House chief of staff, dismissed suggestions from Democrats that they might drop threats to use filibusters to prevent votes on Bush's judicial nominees if the president would withdraw a few of the most controversial names.

[This story is to the DUmmies what waving a red cape is to a bull. Now let us watch the FUN reaction from the DUmmies…]

I'm itching for life and circumstance to bring Rove down a few notches.
Who does he think he is? King of the world?

[A mere King? No. Rove is Master and Commander of the World.]

yup he does-and he likes playing King-and hardball. We can not count any chicks yet.

[Never count your chicks before the Karl Rove plot is hatched.]

Who is gonna stop him?

[NONE can stop the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

ROVE rejected the deal????????? Is he (an unelected government appointee) pulling the strings of the United States Senate????????

[Yes. And Master Rove is pulling the strings of the DNC. Remember, you WILL nominate Hillary in ’08 because Karl Rove has so decreed it to be.]

Is it just me???? Every time I see Rove, I hear the banjo theme from Deliverance and pig noises....maybe I need to get my dose increased, or move to a blue state

[How about if you have an overdose of Lithium AND move to a blue state?]

"Karl Rove rejected a compromise ..." Who the f*ck is he to reject anything? ROVE WASN'T ELECTED BY ANYONE!!!

[Perhaps but he was chosen by God Almighty.]

I relish the day when that little hitler gets thrown on his fat ass

[Karl Rove will only allow you to THINK he got thrown on his fat ass but in the meantime, behind your back, he will be selecting your ’08 nominee. Hint: It will be someone named after an unknown New Zealand beekeeper.]

If it's really true that ROVE is the one that rejected this legislative compromise, that is surely a breach of law. He is a dirty-tricks slimeball with no legal authority over such things at all.

[This is your grand opportunity to impeach Karl Rove and make Kerry president!]

They are taking the lead from Rush. Just yesterday afternoon Rush said..No Compromises or it would set a dangerous precedent for the Republicans for the future. And lo and behold, hours later "Rove rejects.." a compromise. This has happened on more than one occassion. Rush says something, the Repubs follow suit the next day or the very same.

[Hmmm…. So although Rove pulls all the strings, Rush pulls Rove’s strings? Let me contemplate the metaphysical meaning of all this.]

I think it is vice-versa - Rush gets his talking points from Rove. Rove tells Rush what to say, then Rush tells his listeners what to think.

[Whew! Thanx for setting things straight. I almost had to overturn my notions of the grand order of things in the universe.]

They feel they have an ace? A new Trifecta?

[A Trifecta won’t help you much in a card game. However, let’s just say Rove is holding an Ace and King suited hole cards and the Flop just turned up Queen, Jack, Ten of the same suit in his hole. Therefore Karl is just going through the motions of acting suspenseful as to what shows up on the Turn and the River. Please don’t forget to go All In.]

Will wonders never cease. Even when all the polls are against him, Karl Rove is confidant that the axe will fall.

[As I stated in the previous post, when you hold the cards that Rove has you don’t have to worry about whatever is in the Turn and the River.]

I truly wonder about this regime. Are they so crafty, they have it fixed and this is why they are so cocky? Are they as stupid as they look?

[They only look as stupid as they want you to think they look.]

Says alot about the Roveness of Rove. They must be so happy.

[We are very HAPPY about the Roveness of Rove.]

Does Rove threaten to castrate these guys or what? In the case of too many Democrats I can think of, that threat has already come true.


There's no margin in trying to avoid fighting these fascists. Don't offer them compromises.

[Careful. Do not offend the might of the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

No Compromise! talk about Republican-lite, now we're even talking to the Republican leadership about vote trade-offs the way moderate Republicans do.

[All is going according to Emperor Rove’s plan!]

The appointment of Bolton will lead to war....and war will lead to the ultimate collapse of the alliance that has taken over our country. It is both a tragedy and a blessing that the people in power are too dumb to see the error of their ways. This is a dictatorship and we are watching the last gasps of the remnants of constitutional government which has been beaten virtually to death since November 2004.

[Weren’t you saying the SAME THING a few weeks ago about Gannon? Just save your whole statement EXCEPT for the name “Bolton” and then just insert a new name in for use again in a week or two.]

Rove...shouldn't his sorry ass have dropped dead of a heart attack by now?

[No. He would rather induce a heart attack in you after you realize that you lost yet ANOTHER battle.]

We have NO say in OUR country...How did this happen?

[When Karl Rove decided it would happen.]

Yet everyday Americans refuse to wake up. Apathy is Rampant. This is why the Repukes will continue domination. Most people think you are a Kook if you claim the '04 elections were rigged.

[The also think you are a kook when you claim to BELEEEEEVE that Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan. 20.]

Little Karl wants to fight and for once, I think the Democrats are willing to slip on the brass knuckles.

[Slight correction. The Democrats are willing to slip on his brass knuckles. Karl Rove arranges ALL slip-ups by the Democrats.]

Monday, April 25, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-25-05 ("I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam")

In the previous edition of the DUmmie Funnies, the DUmmies were crybabying about being portrayed as nothing but a bunch of wackos. However, the very title of this DUmmie THREAD “I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam,” shows that they are indeed a bunch of Moonbat loons. Their OWN WORDS condemn them. What are they going to do now? Claim that I quoted the title out of context? This latest example of moonbattery on the part of the DUmmies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, viewing the activity in their padded cell, is in the [brackets]:

I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam

[Full of happy HAPPY children peacefully flying their kites under the warm glow of the radiant sun. Saddam’s Iraq---A paradise on earth.]

Its just non-stop over there. His Imperial majesty * has no way out of this one.

[Since I have noticed a plethora of Jeff Gannon threads in DUmmieland today and nothing but this about Iraq, that must mean things in Iraq are much improved…but not for DUmmies.]

Saddam even had a plan..

[De Plan, Boss, de Plan!]

they had electric, water, security
woman had rights, stores were open at night..... What do they have now....

[Freedom but what does that compare to the ability to buy toilet paper at 3 AM?]

I know , I do too -- and I HATE feeling that way. At least there was order and some decent rights for women, and the streets were safe. Yeah, there was murder and torture, but the Iraqis have it now, and it's chaotic violence, with no "rules." I have no answer, and unfortunately our government doesn't either.

[Please inform me as to how I am quoting you out of context so as to present you as a total Leftwing Loon?]

You mean you folks were drinking the "Saddam-evil-person Kool-Aid?" Pleeeeeze!! Didn't you know anything about Iraq before 9/11 except what the Bush folks told you?

[In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle,
A DUmmie Sleeps Tonight!
A-MoonieBat, A-MoonieBat!]

We could have helped w/o pulverizing the entire country. I refuse to believe that in the entire world there was not a group of exiles that wished to replace Saddam, we could have supported them, it was not about Saddam, it was about the oil, we have dismantled the country, that was not necessary, what we have done is cause complete failure of the framework of civil, political and governmental structure required to run the country.

[I almost refuse to believe that in the entire world there is a group of people that think Saddam would have allowed an opposition group operate within Iraq so as to permit the peaceful transfer of power…but then there are the DUmmies.]

What's the difference between Iraqi's being murdered and tortured by Saddam versus us?

[Only in the twisted asylum of DUmmieland could this comparison be made. Tonight your tranquilizer dart will have an extra strong dose of Lithium.]

I could not find the photo album of Iraq before the war, it had a lot of pictures of kids and people going about their normal lives..... Weddings .... Wish I still had the link...

[Does the album show Saddam’s spawn, Quazy, raping the bridesmaids and the bride right after the wedding?]

A client of mine is a woman from the Middle East and as a devout Muslim, she said kindly and plainly, "Even with all the terror before, people there were better off under Saddam. The Iraqi people, and people in the Middle East don't want the freedom that the U.S. government thinks everyone wants. They want someone to tell them what they should do. They want someone strong in charge. Saddam was horrible, but to many of them, preferable to the life they have now."

[“Please Saddam! Come back and oppress us again!”]

If you look at the Iraq before the war and the rights that Iraqi women had, and compare it to Iran or Saudi they were head and shoulders above those countries......

[“You have the right to remain silent while Quazy rapes you.”]

11,445,638 Iraqis for Saddam. Says it all.

[Ah yes. I forgot all about that fair and honest election where Saddam received 99.99% of the vote without using Diebold machines.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-25-05 ("DU as target of gross misuse by the right")

Let us all now take a moment to shed a tear for the poor DUmmies. They feel ABUSED by the Right as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “DU as target of gross misuse by the right.” Apparently the residents of my DUmmie Ant Farm don’t like being looked at and commented upon. Even worse for them than to be angrily criticized is for them to be LAUGHED at as happens in the DUmmie FUnnies on a daily basis. And guess what, DUmmies, all it takes is for Mary Matalin to give the thumbs up to the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) and an MUCH BIGGER audience will be laughing at you. The DUmmie crybabying about being abused is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, peering even more intently into his Ant Farm, is in the [brackets]:

DU as target of gross misuse by the right

[Sorry but we do have to have our FUn. Continue with your tale of woe, DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

At least twice now, the Democratic Underground has been the victim of gross misuse by the right. This may have been a topic before and I missed it, but it seems that one of the top people at DU should write a proposed column for the NY Times oped page, now expanded, and get hundreds of not thousands of DUers to sign it, and then send it in for publication.

[And I shall write a DUFU of that very column for the NY Times oped page. Continue DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

One point that should clearly be made is that this is an OPEN forum, where anyone can express a view -- including quite a few rightwingers and freepers. It may be that the notion of the tsunami as a CIA conspiracy or of the pope as a Nazi are not the most refined of views, but they are expressed in many venues, such as callers into WBAI, and here at least they have a chance to be vetted and rationally debated and countered with facts.

[Trust me. The wacko posts of the DUmmies are NOT isolated, they are the norm. Any visit to Dummieland will prove that right away. Continue DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

Taking such comments out of context stifles the kind of free discussion forum that this is, and represents one of the many misuses of the internet as a forum in recent years. The notion of the internet as some kind of "authority", as cited by Sorensen and Baraka is part of the mythmaking that conservatives are here trying to exploit. There is also the issue that there are rightwing sites that utter the most unbelievable improbabilities AS PART OF THEIR OFFICIAL COMMUNICATIONS, like quoting Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Lenin and Che Guevara in the same breath, and these sites are considered respectable and never held up for ridicule -- because progressives don't have the kind of partisan access to the mainstream media to exploit to this end.

[Taking comments out of context? Sorry to destroy your theory, DUmmie cloudythescribbler, but I like to quote my DUmmie Ants fully since it gives full flavor to their rich nuttiness. In addition, each edition of the DUmmie FUnnies ALWAYS provides the link to the DUmmie thread being DUFUed so as to give the readers an opportunity to check out the threads as they are posted in DUmmieland. And now that you are done with your sob story, DUmmie cloudythescribbler, let us give your fellow DUmmies the chance to whine on this same theme.]

NRO for god's sake. C-SPAN let's these people on like they're, uh, a credible organization -- and they say some of the most outrageous things. I actually had a personal communication with one of them, and he was a total know-nothing ASS.

[Believe me, if I had it in my power, I would have a TV program featuring ALL the DUmmie rantings 24/7. Perhaps I should call it Comedy Channel 2.]

I would write semi-long, intelligent letters, and he would write a three-line, misspelled, ad hominem-rife reply. And it wasn't just NRO that was publishing this idiot's columns -- he was actually employed by MSNBC as an "analyst" and, of course, was a big wig in the Bush I administration. I was just stunned at how inarticulate and poorly informed this person was. I just thought, "Wow. So they're like this in person, too? What pathetic losers."

[So you would prefer ad hominen-rifeless replies, my semi-long “intelligent” DUmmie letter writer?]

why not do it back to them start posting ridiculous stuff on free republic and then send it into the MSM

[Go ahead and get the Zot. In the meantime I enjoy reading the ridiculous stuff posted in DUmmieland.]

That's an idea. Post a question in Free Republic to get wackos to come out. Send it to whoever will accept it or just show it on your own website.

[Yes. That post will show up in the thread titled, “I'm so stupid, I signed up and got the Zot.”]

Why aren't these questionable post removed right away, why was the tsunami thread allowed to remain up if the source was in doubt?

[Why was last Friday’s DUmmie thread titled, "Kerry still working on stolen election” allowed to remain up? The source for that thread was a comment posted on a Blog about something a phone solicitor said in order to shake some cash out of the fool who posted the comment.]

And if discussion is chilled by the fear that anything can and will be taken out of context and used against you with a rightwing that has access to the mainstream that we lack, democracy suffers. This point needs to be made in the mainstream media, where the quotes have been used, in a column written by those who run DU

[What about discussion chilled by the fear that you will be LAUGHED at? Oh, and I would love to read a column written by the DUmmie inmates. More DUFU material!!!]

I have a shirt that says You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. Just wore it yesterday.

[Would you like a T-Shirt featuring a cute, cigar-smoking beaver?]

welcome to DU and please everyone, if you see a post that looks suspicious hit the "Alert" key.

[I always hit the “LOUSY FREEPER TROLL” key.

DU has moderators that follow up on any and all alerts sent by our members.

[Unfortunately many of those DUmmie moderators are often LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS. Hee! Hee! (Note: Except for IndianaGreen. He is not a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL. Please believe that.)]

People are too afraid of ideas and words. I know the corporate media is a propaganda machine for the right and the b*sh regime but expressing ideas is what is going to bring them down. They can't bear the fact that there are people out there thinking thoughts they have not promoted. DU is getting to them and they can't do anything to stop it because it would stop their propaganda machines as well.

[Actually you better PRAY that they corporate media doesn’t publicize Dummieland via a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for related comix stories).]

at this stage.. for us... the only bad publicity is NO publicity. In the words of the old show-biz axiom "Say what you like, but spell my name right!"


There is a problem though. The problem is that DU isn't being given the cachet of being 'banned' or a subject of great publicity -- it is being cited in an entirely unfair way to make it seem marginal, a place where only tin-foil hat ideas are discussed.

[BFEE, LIHOP, MIHOP, PNAC, etc… Now where did we ever get the crazy idea of DUmmieland as a marginal place filled with tin-foil hat ideas?]

The main problem is that DU is being ignored.

[Believe me. I am trying to rectify that. YOO HOO! Mary Matalin! Over here! YOO HOO!!!]

DU Ain't What She Used To Be. A year ago, this place was growing and hopping and getting a good share of mention across the net and even into the corporate media. These days I rarely hear DU mentioned...and not anywhere near I do other sites such as Kos, Atrios and Talking Points.

[When the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) is published attention will be focused once again on DUmmieland as the hot comedy spot on the Web.]

I see DU as full of great people who care about their families, their neighbors, and their country.

[I see Dummieland as a great source for comedy materal.]

Anyone who comes to DU and looks around can see the value of this place. That thrills some and infuriates others.

[And makes most of the rest roll over in laughter.]

Also DU isn't exactly open to all: it is intended as a platform of discussion for democrats, about democratic issues. While RW-ers are allowed, they aren't allowed to discuss/propagate RW issues - if they do, they'll be banned. That's why RW misinformation operatives have to be careful not to go so far as to expose themselves for what they are. In the mean time they'll try and go far enough as to actually influence DU's public mind. That's not easy, and many fall through during their first few posts. Some are clever though, sometimes it can take years and many 1000's of posts before such an operative is exposed.

[I must be VERY CLEVER since I haven’t been caught yet. (Note: I am NOT DUmmie IndianaGreen. Please believe that.)]

on the "bright side" the mere fact that the DU is a "target" means we are viewed as a threat to the rabid-reich means the DU is being read by alot of people - more than we probably know, many people "lurk" for quite awhile before deciding to join in, and many more people just lurk

[And many more yet read the DUmmieland rantings via the DUmmie FUnnies Blog. Plus MILLIONS more if the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) gets published.]

I say DU has no reason to be defensive. DU is successful. It works very well.

[Absolutely, DUmmie marions ghost. Dummieland is the Comedy Gift that keeps on giving.]

Friday, April 22, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-22-05 ("Kerry still working on stolen election")

The Charlie Brown DUmmies are ONCE AGAIN kicking at the Stolen Election football. However, instead of Lucy, it is John Kerry again who is yanking that football away at the last moment as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Kerry still working on stolen election. If this is true, it's good news.” One of the funniest things about this latest outbreak of DUmmie gullibility is the flimsy evidence upon what they base their wild hope. I would tell you right now what this “evidence” is but I would strain my credibility if I did so. Therefore let the DUmmies reveal their own gullible stupidity in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, drawing up a sales contract on a certain bridge in Brooklyn for the DUmmies to sign, is in the [brackets]:

Kerry still working on stolen election. If this is true, it's good news.

[Oooooh! Oooooh! Oooooh! How could it not be true? YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!! I’m so HAPPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!]

This was blogged today on

...jen said on 4/21/2005 @ 3:05pm PT... Anyways, I wanted to share this bit of happy "news" I got this morning! I posted this earlier on my "home" blog and am just copying that post here:

When I got home I got a phone call from someone working for Kerry. They called to thank me for signing the "Kids Come First" Act, and of course for $.

[Actually the WHOLE PURPOSE of the call was for the $$$ but continue DUmmie Amaryllis…]

Before he could get to any of that I expressed to him that my #1 concern is with the election system, went over some of the problems from the '04 election, and asked if he knew if Kerry was aware that the election was stolen. He said he is very aware of it and one of the reasons he's not speaking out is because they are still in the process of gathering all the information and proof they can before publicly addressing it.

He said they knew that if they tried to address the stolen election before they had "all their ducks in a row" (my words, not his) they would be labeled conspiracy nuts and ridiculed to the point of people not believing any of what they said. He said as far as the paperless voting machines that it would take longer than if there had been a paper traill, but that it is still traceable. He also said the same thing about the Vote Tabulators - that even if the hacking of the machines was done in a way that couldn't be detected, that they can detect it but it takes longer...

I didn't ask how or any details of what's being done, but I thought it was somewhat encouraging and interesting that Kerry is in fact part of the investigations and discovery process - makes me wonder who else is involved that is just being very quite about it!

[A phone operator hitting you up for bucks told you that Kerry is working on exposing vote fraud? Then it MUST BE TRUE!!! WOO! HOO! I’m soooooo happy that I feel an orgasmatron in overdrive in my pantalones!!!]

I knew John Kerry was always with us!

[Shane! I knew you could, Shane. I knew it. I knew it just as well as anything.]

Sure seems that way to me, from everything I know about his character.

I just love Shane!

Same here. My first comment at my first DFA meeting on Dec. 1st? "John Kerry wouldn't abandon us; John Kerry wouldn't do that."
Nobody believed me, but I still knew. We have that bond you see, he and I. I knew he wasn't done yet.

[We want you, Shane. Mother wants you. I know she does!]

It is encouraging but perhaps self-defeating to leak to someone who posts on a blog that is read by many who post it other places who post it other...IF you are trying to keep it quiet...

[Shhh! Mum’s da word!]

I thought about that, but I don't think this would get anywhere near MSM.

[But it WILL get laughed at on the DUmmie FUnnies.]

After getting hopes up too many times I am prone to suspecting EVERYTHING.

[But this time it’s TRUE! It’s all true! I BEEELEEEEEVEE!!!]

I hope it mean's his ducks are in a row, and its time to start getting the story out there, meaning Kerry is going to go public with it soon. Lets hope.

[Correct. Kerry will go public with this story right after he signs his Form 180.]

If that's true, then the guy who told her this stuff, if indeed he actually did, and if indeed it is actually true, never should have said anything, and Kerry should have sworn them all to secrecy, and Teresa never should have practially come out and said the eleciton was stolen.

[Kerry needs to keep secret the fact that he is as NUTTY as Teh-RAY-suh.]

I think they're leaking it. To what end I'm not sure.

[So Kerry can be inaugurated President on Jan. 20.]

Well, let's do a little "Creative Visualization".

[aka “visualize our own reality.”

I can FEEL it! I can, I can!

[Pa's got things for you to do, and Mother wants you. I know she does. Shane. Shane. Come back. 'Bye, Shane ....]

This version of events makes a hell of a lot more sense than any other I have heard. I think the newfound vigor, and dare I say, aggression in Kerry's persona as of late in the senate is a good indicator he's pissed, and definitely has a lot up his sleeve. He has really been vocal about sticking it to the Repukes recently, and I think it has a lot to do with knowing full well he was duped out of the presidency.

[I love him almost as much as I love Pa. That's alright, isn't it?]

I would not be inclined to believe that he's doing nothing. When has he ever done nothing? He's a damn crafty prosecuting attorney, and I have no doubt he's working in the same methodical "under the radar" way he always has. I'm not bothered a bit by his quiescence on the matter. I have learned from experience, and from observing Kerry's investigative methods over the years, that he takes his time and does things "just so" in order to get the desired result. He's doing everything right. Investigations do take time, but we will hear something in good time. I'm sure of it.

[There's no living with a killing. There's no going back from it. Right or wrong, it's a brand, a brand that sticks.]

Agreed, plus, Michael Moore has been strangely silent as well as many others who know the election was stolen. They said things in the beginning that hinted to the silence for now approach. Remember Susan Sarandon's remarks about the secret workings? This is good news. Also note that Theresa was talking about voting irregularities too.

[Put a man on a good horse. Send him to Cheyenne for help. The next time we fight with them, the air will be full of gunsmoke.]

OMG. I just had a fantasy flash...what if they found hard, irrefuable evidence, and Kerry, MM, Susan Sanrandon, etc. etc. etc. called this giant press conference, all of them at the same time in different parts of the country, or maybe they all come together in DC, and spill the beans? Just a fantasy... Kerry has got to know, with what Teresa said, and he isn't one to sit around and twiddle his thumbs while Rome burns. Fraud is hard to prove, or so the attorneys say...

[Or…or…or maybe the Great Pumpkin will arise out of a pumpkin patch on Halloween night!]

I hope that's right. I do remember reading how Kerry and Edwards would pop up to sign things if needed. I remember hearing an audio file of Kerry at a rally or something talking to someone and he was telling who was next to him that the Bush administration were the biggest bunch of criminals he's ever seen and he's just getting started on them. Does anybody have that audio file?? And it does make sense that they'd be quiet so they can work behind the scenes without people being suspecious and without being labeled "consperiacy nuts." That happened with the Ohio elecotral vote objection. I think things are finally happening and I hope and pray it's soon!

[Please! Please! Great Pumpkin! MAKE the past few months go away!]

I still keep hoping there will be some kind of miracle, some kind of Watergate, except it would have to be SO much bigger than Watergate to make an impact. Look at Gannon; that should have been as big as WAtergate, and MSM hardly touched it.

[Maybe you should have painted Gannon’s bald head pumpkin orange so it would have looked like the Great Pumpkin.]

Never forget, Kerry was a prosecutor, a very successful prosecutor. He would never make allegations before the investigation was completed. Grand juries are conducted in secret for a reason, to keep the bad guys from interferring with the witnesses and destroying the evidence. Maybe that is why all of the investigation is done in secret, to keep the bastards from hiding the evidence or killing any more witnesses than they have.

[You just wait. You just wait. Kerry is going to pull a Perry Mason trick out of his magic hat. You just wait.]

if you think about it the concession makes sense too. They knew he stole it again I'm sure. So he conceded because they had to work behind the scenes. If Kerry did like Gore he would've made people mad etc. and they would've been on his tail like with Gore and the "riots." This time a lot of work got done and more proof to get Bush and his people and get rid of the voting machines so they'll never be used again. It's smart how people like Conyers are on the team to get rid of the voting machines and not going about the "Bush stole 2004" route while other people work behind the scenes. I found the video of Mr. Dean talking about them being brought down in the spring and it was the February meeting where he is sworn in as chairman.

[De plan, Boss, de PLAN!!! It’s all working so beautifully according to Kerry’s plan!]

I've been let down so many times by DU information but I will allow myself ONE MORE TIME to get my hopes up. I love and respect John Kerry and it makes sense that he would not go foward until all of the evidence had been collected. He is going to be a great President.

[Okay, Charlie Brown. You can try to kick the foot ball again just ONE MORE TIME.]

If/when Kerry makes a move, you can be sure that he'll have a complete case all wrapped up against BushCo with irrefutable evidence. It will be wonderful to see. They will realize that they picked the wrong guy to steal an election from--he's a fighter, not a quitter.

[Now you run on home to your mother and tell her, tell her everything's alright, and there aren't any more guns in the valley.]

Yippee! But let's dummy up a little!! I have suspected all along that Kerry was getting his ducks in a row, but folx since we all love our Prez Kerry so much,and desperately want him to claim what is proudly his own- the best thing we can do to help him,us, and the world!.. is to keep this quieter. I fear there are a lot of Rethuglican spies out there just waiting to have something to report to their bosses, to stop the process. On the other hand, I like to think they are all so busy in GOP land with damage control with Delay,Frist,Bolton, you name it, plus the global domination plans they have in mind, (I mean... they are busy!), that the Nov. theft nastiness trail might have slipped through their fingers. Plus, they probably think that like the former poster that it isn't that easy to just prove it and take over. They are probably less paranoid about that than anything else! But, JK was a prosecutor, and I look forward to the zeal with which the wrath shall fly.Kerry is extremely smart, and I'm sure he has a good plan, but he's staying in the fight, and that is really something to cheer about. I imagine he is more than just mad as hell!

[You go home to your mother and your father. And grow up to be strong and straight. And Joey, take care of them, both of them.]

I thought it was congress who would choose prez and vice prez if they were to resign? I think if the true facts come out ,and 70 80 million people were pissed about what happened, I think congress would have to choose Kerry/Edwards "faster than a cat trying to sh*t on a hot tin roof"

[Even little boy Joey knows more about how the Constitution works than you do.]

Thursday, April 21, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 04-21-05 ("Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants")

Have you noticed how energetic John Kerry seems to be lately? He spends 20 years in the Senate barely doing anything and yet it seems he is now putting himself into a whirl of activity that is saying to the world, “NOTICE ME! NOTICE ME!” And why is Kerry jumping up and down recently in order to get attention? For NO OTHER REASON than to keep attention focused on himself for his next try at the Presidency in ’08. It is truly a pathetic act, especially considering that there were reports that he barely made it through the last campaign due to constant exhaustion that was haunting him. Poor Kerry. He is now ruining his health again in a futile cause. Perhaps if he wakes up to political reality and realizes that he WON’T be nominated in ’08 he could relax and get back to the things he really wants to do: snowboarding and windsurfing. And the reason Kerry WON’T be nominated in ’08 is that Hillary has been designated by Karl Rove to be the nominee that year. Oh, and while we are at it, John Edwards can put down his can of hairspray since neither he nor any other candidate besides HILLARY will get the nomination. Right now Kerry’s shtick is to position himself far to the Left so as to gain the support of the DUmmiecrats which is vital in the primaries. However, as soon as it becomes obvious even to Kerry that he WON’T be nominated in ’08, he will pretty much disappear from the Senate. However, in the meantime all this futile activity by Kerry is quite amusing to watch as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants.” As usual the gullible DUmmie posts thinking that Kerry is a viable ’08 candidate are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who wishes that Kerry would just shut up and return to the snowboarding slopes, is in the [brackets]:

Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants

WASHINGTON - Sen. John F. Kerry yesterday attacked Republicans for having an ``orthodoxy of view'' and overly inserting religion into politics, accusing them of using God as a justification for appointing conservative judges.

``I am sick and tired of a bunch of people trying to tell me that God wants a bunch of conservative judges on the court and that's why we have to change the rules of the United States Senate,'' Kerry told a group of Bay State residents who traveled to Capitol Hill for U.S. Rep. Martin Meehan's annual legislative seminar.


And I’m sick and tired of all this phony political activity on the part of Kerry after 20 years of near inactivity in the Senate prior to his 2004 campaign.

I'm no Kerry basher, but we could've used that about 8 months ago.

[8 months ago, Kerry wasn’t running for renomination.]

so couLd have aL gore in 2000 and i certainLy appreciate what gore has said since then

[And I certainly appreciate what Al Gore has said since then as well. His bizarre ranting and raving is quite entertaining.]

Don't get me wrong at all - I'm glad he said it. I'm just lamenting that it came now and not October.

[Kerry needs to put on a crazed liberal shtick strictly because he wants to be renominated. The moment he realizes that HILLARY is the designated (by Karl Rove) nominee, he will drop his whole routine and return to fulltime snowboarding and windsurfing…after sleeping off some his exhaustion on Teh-RAY-suh’s couch in her Nantucket mansion.]

I swear I think our last two candidates were muzzled by somebody during their campaign. They are both turning into firebrands after the fact. I really think we need to figure out who keeps telling our candidates how to lose and then fire them.

[Sorry but Karl Rove has tenure. You CAN’T fire him.]

The real question is, will it be used by Dem Pres Candidate "X" in '08? We need someone with testicles (male or female...I'm thinking Barbara Boxer here folks) to say these things.

[The testicled candidate that will be nominated in ’08 will be Hillary. So Karl Rove has said. So it WILL be done.]

The Right owns the Press, the machinery of our Elections, and most of the capital in this country. It's not going to be an easy thing to surmount.

[The Diebold machines have already been preprogrammed for the “R” candidate to win in ’08.]

I think Kerry got himself an education when he ran. I don't think he understood how evil conservatives are. I predict that if Bush gets his way, they will end up being far worse than the Nazis. I don't see how right-wing policies will lead to anything but a series of wars fought to control resources for corporatists who really aren't interested in diplomacy or conservation.

[BFEE. Ooh! Ooh! Let me run off the rest of the paranoid acronyms: PNAC, LIHOP, MIHOP, CNP, IHOP. Oooooh! I feel sooooo much BETTER now!]

Obviously Kerry has yet to speak to Ratzinger! I fear for our liberal Catholic politicians!

[Thus spaketh DUmmie IndianaGreen. BTW, I DENY that I am posing as IndianaGreen in DUmmieland. Or maybe I am. I’ll NEVER tell. Hee! Hee!]

He needs to moon the Bush lackey, Ratzigwhatever his name is!

[That would be a grotesque sight---Kerry bending over and dropping his drawers to reveal his bony buttcheeks.... Hope it's on video!!!]

We need some more of this from the "religious left."

[Kerry is religious? Since when is snowboarding a religious rite?]

It's nice to see Kerry finding his "inner warrior" that the FRICKING election is over.

[Kerry will ditch his “inner warrior” the moment he sees his renomination is going NOWHERE.]

Could someone explain to me why when people like Kerry and Gore become presidential candidates they are wooden and careful and so slow to speak anything remotely approaching the truth but as soon as they are no longer candidates, they turn into the wonderful truth telling firebrands that they should always have been.

[Because being out of power brings out the “Inner Nutcase” in them.]

I think we can see one reason is "The Scream" Any fire-branding is automatically painted by the conservative MSM as "nuts" "whacko" "angry" "out of control" "angry liberal" etc.

[YEEEEEEAAAAAAGHHHH!!! Kerry should practice that scream for use during his nomination concession speech to Hillary.]

Sounds like Kerry is turning into the next Gore...ANGRY as hell for losing to a MORAN!!!

[Love it! Plenty of future DUmmie FUnnies material there.]

It's really too bad...... I truly think that if Kerry had the courage to speak like this last year, he would have won by a margin too large to steal. But, credit where credit is due, Kerry deserves a lot of credit for coming out and saying what needed to be said.

[Yes. I give full credit to Kerry for allowing his Inner Nutcase to come out. He is now on a par with Al Gore.]