Claimant Change: "DUmmie, It's Cold Outside"

Just as it's embarrassing now for the DUmmies to use the term "Obamacare," and so now they just call it the "ACA," so also has it become embarrassing to say "global warming." Since the globe isn't all that warm these days, now the preferred term is "climate change." That can cover just about anything. And that way the facts can't get in the way of their global whining. Witness this THREAD by DUmmie kentuck, "If you believe in global climate change, do you believe the earth is getting warmer or colder?"

But before we get to that thread, let's try to sing some sense into your typical deep-freeze-denying DUmmie. Click the music link and sing along!

DUMMIE, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
Tune: "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

It's warmer each day
(But, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
It must go away
(But, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
This warming has been
(But lately a huge drop in)
Our greatest vice
(Just feel your hands, they're just like ice)

Oh, what will it take to turn us
(Wait while I check the furnace)
And wake us to the truth we ignore
(Listen to the fireplace roar)
The sunbeams will start to burn us
(See how I crank the furnace)
Well, that is what I heard from Al Gore
(Put some blankets down at the door)

The experts all think--
(I'm seeing a St. Bernard)
Say, what's that ice rink?
(No rink, that's just your back yard)
I wish I knew how
(There's ice on the furnace now)
To break the spell
(Just take a chance, I wouldn't tell)

I ought to say it's no colder
(Don't wanna get a cold shoulder)
At least I'm gonna say "climate change"
(Then you make the facts rearrange)

I really can't say
(DUmmie, don't hold out)
Uh, that it's cold outside
(DUmmie, it's cold outside) . . .

I simply must know
(Yo, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
How we got so much snow
('Cause, DUmmie, it's cold outside)
It's hard to combine
(Eight inches--no, make it nine)
Snow, ice, and warm
(Look out the window at that storm)

"You're sinister and seditious!"
(Gosh, you libs are suspicious)
Would DU even show me the door?
(Make waves and make the tolerant sore)
My lib'ral friends can be vicious
(Ooh, you libs are malicious)
And what would I say to Al Gore?
(Never such a blowhard or bore)

I'm covered with snow
(See, DUmmie, I told you so)
It's 20 below
(With ten more degrees to go)
It's really been cold
(Wind chill, something to behold)
But I cannot--
(How can you claim it's getting hot?)

They're gonna call me a traitor
(But lib'rals can't be haters)
At least they will call me a troll
(If you're caught, then just be a mole)

I really can't say
(Get over that holdout) . . .

Uh, but it's cold outside!
(DUmmie, it's cold outside!)

And now on to DUmmies in denial, in Bolsheshivering Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson, looking at about a foot of global warming out my below-zero window, is in the [brackets]:

If you believe in global climate change. . . .

[Global "climate change"?? What happened to global "warming," DUmmie kentuck?]

do you believe the earth is getting warmer or colder?

[Oh, both of course! That way we've got all our bases covered! Hot, cold--who cares? It's change, isn't it?]

[The DUmmies reply . . .]

Is this trying to place Climate change in woo category?

["Woo" is the favored term DU jour for hokum, baloney, BS.]

I hope not...

[Watch it, DUmmie kentuck! DUmmie PowerToThePeople will report you to the powers that be if you dare to question climate change! This is your global warning!]

My answer - Warmer.

[Because I say so!]

It isn't a matter of belief.

[But, but, I BELIEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!]

The evidence says climate change is happening. . . .

[It's changed, apparently, from global warming to global cooling.]

weather is not climate.

[Has nothing to do with it!]

Climate change means more energy is kept in the atmosphere.

[Climate change means more energy is expended in DUmmieland trying to defend it.]

Many different kinds of weather events occur across the earth. Cold and hot, wet and dry, stormy and calm.

[See? Climate change! And it's our fault! Let's all feel guilty! BAD humans! BAD!!]

The way human induced warming and climate change works is that these occurrences get more extreme and more frequent.

[And what makes it especially tricky is that there's no way to prove it's human-induced! Or that it can be human-reversed! It's insidious, this climate-change stuff!]

There is also the way that polar warming can affect ocean currents . . .

[As shown on a recent documentary on Current TV. No, wait, Al Gore sold that to Al Jazeera, didn't he? Dang!]

and the jet stream . . .

[In which Algore flies his big, fuel-burning jet all across the globe.]

along with the way air moves from land to sea and vice versa.

[Before, it didn't used to do that.]

These occurrences are causing the major problems experienced nowadays across the world.

[Including that big ACA rollout snafu.]

each problem is different . . .

[But it all adds up to one thing: Climate change.]

We see wider and stronger hurricanes. . . .

[Recent news report: "The 2013 Atlantic hurricane season was the first Atlantic hurricane season since 1994 to end with no major hurricanes, and the first since 1968 to feature no storms of at least category 2 intensity."]

i would think regionally cold winters would be a result of arctic melting. hotter summer means more melting means more cold water entering the oceans means cold winter...?...not a scientist.

[I gathered that.]

Ok, let me try to untangle this for you. . . .

[Oh, alright now! DUmmie nadinbrzezinski--aka Know-it-all Nadin, the World's Foremost Authority--steps in to untangle all this for us. Go ahead, Nadin, please enlighten us.]

That is part of what was predicted.

[Nadin TOLD us this would happen. But did we listen to her? No! As usual. And now we're paying the price.]

Weather and climate are two different critters.

[There's a crittercal difference!]

Gravity has nothing to do with this. . . .

[Rule that right out.]

While we are getting pulled in, the planet has a speed and centrifugal force is in perfect balance, keeping the planet at a stable orbit.

[I did not know that, Nadin. I thought we were getting sucked into the sun, and that's why it's getting warmer. Climate-wise, I mean. Not talking about the weather.]

Yes the orbit is not completely circular. . . .

[You're kidding! Somebody call Ripley!]

so during the winter it is closer to the sun. . . .

[That's why it's so warm right now.]

In the scales of humans we will not even notice, without advanced equipment.

[We need the good rig.]

There are literally oodles of research on this.

[Literal oodles. Check the google on this, like Nadin does.]

[Thank you, Nadin, you have cleared it all up. We are not worthy.]

The distance between the earth and the sun is not changing . . .

[Whew! I'm so glad! Thanks, DUmmie Salviati, for confirming what Nadin just told us--although, of course, if Nadin says it, it's got to be true!]

with the caveat that if the big rip theory is true, then eventually in the far far flung future, the solar system, the earth, and our very atoms will be ripped apart, but if this were to be the case, we would start to see it's effects locally only a short time before our doom.

[Ruh roh. Now I'm worried.]

Isn't that caveat, IIRC, ten BILLION into the future? I am going from memory here.

[Nadin doesn't need the google on THAT one! Ten billion it is! Start stocking up your fallout shelter!]

Twenty actually. . . .

[Oh, thanks for that, DUmmie Salviati, I can relax a bit. But not too much.]

No worries, the sun will be an ex star by then anyhow.

[Nadin assures Salviati that she needed no correction. The ex-star business makes it a moot point.]

Holy sh*t Nadin. That was pretty much exactly right. Close enough anyway. I can't tell you how tickled I am to be able to say that about one of your posts. Nice job.

[Hee, hee! I detect a note of sarcasm there, DUmmie tkmorris! Say, you aren't one of them bullies, are you? If so, TO THE IGGY LIST WITH YOU!]

Your concepts of astronomy are a bit off. For one, the earth is always falling toward the sun.

[Make up your mind! I've got to know if it's worth planning my vacation!]

the hydrologic cycle is a major mechanism for restributing heat in the atmosphere.

[The lackologic cycle is a major mechanism for redistributing hot air in DUmmieland.]

Like magnetism and gravity, it is not something you get to believe in or not. . . . It bugs the sh*t outta me that "do you believe in evolution", or "do you believe in global warming" are perfectly legitimate questions to ask. . . .

[I believe in the evolution of "global warming" to "climate change."]

No need to discuss it any further. It is written is stone.

[DUmmie kentuck knows when he's been silenced. And if he keeps on, it will be written in tombstone.]

- - - - - - - - - -

UPDATE:

There's been more activity on this thread since we last spoke, enough to warrant a "Part Two" mini-DUFU.

The first comment comes from Nadin:

it is getting warmer. . . . increasing energy . . . a heating atmosphere. That would be climactic change.

["Climactic" change. Nadin has noticed increasing energy, she's heating up, and she's about to reach a climax.]

Scientific consensus by the vast majority of scinentiests indicates global warming caused by human.

[Alright, which one of you did it? We're not leaving this room until somebody fesses up. The scinentiests want to know.]

Before the rise of the AGW paradigm the 80s/90s, variations in solar activity were generally considered as the most influential factor on climate change. IMO, AGW is exaggerated or insignificant at the best. The certainty is fake and bullied. It's not a conspiracy. It's simply profiteering and ironically, no significant reductions in CO2 emissions are achieved by any proposed or implemented policy.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

soon enough, we'll be gone.

[Promise?]

another race of (presumably) intelligent beings will take our place.

[Intelligent beings to replace the DUmmies. I like it!]

who gives a sh*t, we are not doing jack about it anyhow.

[But, but, I thought Obamassiah was going to heal the oceans!

Well, he's got three more years to go, and I'm sure it's on his "To Do" list.]

The climate on earth has always been changing and always will change.
 
[NO! NO! THIS CANNOT BE! THE CLIMATE MUST ALWAYS STAY EXACTLY THE SAME! I CAN'T HEEEEAAAAR YOUUUU!!!!!!! LALALALALA. . . . .]

Definitely a believer in climate change. Whether colder or warmer, I'm still not real sure of. But yeah...there's something weird going on.

[DUmmie pipi_k, you've convinced me. The evidence you present is overwhelming. I bow to your brilliance.]