Friday, December 27, 2013

DUmmies whine about their Christmas presents


The DUmmies must have been naughty this year. It seems all Santa brought them was a lump of coal. Or so you would think, listening to the way they whine. Of course the DUmmies would probably want to bring Santa up on charges if he brought them a lump of coal, since coal is such an evil Republican rock.

The DUmmies talk about their Christmas presents here in this THREAD by DUmmie Locut0s, "What did you get for Christmas?"  DUmmie Locut0s, affectionately known to us as LocoNuts, is the chubby self-pitying loser (that's "looser," for you DUmmies) who never gets anywhere in life--probably because all the does is sit around all day on DU, whining about how he can't get anywhere in life.

So let us now find out which DUmmies have been naughty (the majority) and which DUmmies have been nice (a precious few) and which DUmmies have been nuts--like, all of them--in Bowl-full-of-jelly Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, sending a mental fruitcake to each and every DUmmie, is in the [brackets]:

What did you get for Christmas?

[What did YOU get, DUmmie LocoNuts? Some big-boy pants? Why don't you try them on?]

Yes it's an overly consumerist holiday and the point really should be family, friends and loved ones.

[Gee, that's funny, and here I thought the point about Christmas was, sorta, Christ, you know. The thing's named after him, after all. But then, what do I know?]

But who's kidding sometimes it's nice to get a thing or two.

[Maybe one of these years, DUmmie LocoNuts, you'll get a job, and a date, maybe.]

[Let's now go to the other DUmmies and see what they got . . .]

This message was self-deleted by its author.

[DUmmie LocoNuts posts the first reply to his own OP . . . and then he deletes it.  DUmmie LocoNuts, let me share something with you here, if I may. . . . You know what makes me sad? YOU DO! Maybe we should chug on over to Mamby-Pamby Land, where maybe we can find some self-confidence for you, you jackwagon! . . . Tissue?}


I got to find a great xmas video of favorite song, spend time with GF and her son and his GF.

[Let's see if I've got this straight, DUmmie NYC_SKP: You, a biological male, spent time with a biological female. And her son, also a biological male, likewise spent time with a biological female. . . . You guys are weird!]

Weirdos!!!

[You said it! The LSMFT community* is not pleased. (* The Lezbo Sodomite Masochist Fag Transangered community.)]

I got Hi to Happy Christmas day again This year i got good gift. I hope that you also.

[What I hear you saying is, you got high.]

I got a bottle of Tangueray and some tonic water from a neighbor. . . . It's a nice buzz.

[Pretty much all of DUmmieland is buzzed right now.]

Jin and Tonics just happen to be my favourite drink!

[Uh, DUmmie LocoNuts, that's "gin." And you can stop with the Euro-wannabe spelling of "favorite."]

Careful, you might end up with chin in tonic.

[Maybe both of them, lardboy.]

A kind and generous soul put a Nook Color under my tree and Mr. Dixie built another computer....another Linux flavour, I forget the name.

[Now DUmmie dixiegrrrrl is doing "flavour." I tell you, they're all a bunch of Euro-wannabes.]

Merry Holidays, DU!

[Can't bring yourself to say "Christmas," can you, DUmmie dixiegrrrrl?]

Regarding the Linux distro. Was it Ubuntu, knopex, mint, freeBSD, PCLinuxOS??

[Klaatu barada nikto.]

Mint Maya.

[Mint Mayan Apocalypse. It sounds like a Ben & Jerry's flavour.]

Mint has become very popular of late.

[Oubama is trying to print the money as fast as he can spend it.]

My best gift was spending time with my granddaughters . . .

[Indoctrinating them. "Men are BAD, girls! White men. Straight men. Republicans. Not men of colour, of course."]

Nothing. Not a call, a card, an email, no gifts, no invites. . . .

[Not even a health insurance talk from Pajama Boy?]

I must have been a really monumental asshole in a previous life to be so totally and completely forgotten EVERY DAMN HOLIDAY. And it's been like this as long as I can remember.

[And you, with such a winning and pleasant personality! I'm shocked!]

A GPS Watch.

[Is that like a clock bracelet with a map glued to it?]

at one job I won a $5 dunkin donuts gift certificate. the company does drawings, so not everybody gets anything and then some people win multiple things. Frankly I think its cheap and sucky thing to do. Our boss gave us a chocolate bar.

[Somebody's gotta pay for that Obamacare, you know.]

At my other job, I got the gift of a water buffalo via the heifer project.

[Can you make brisket out of one of those?]

I gave myself the early gift of a new, lined raincoat. . . .

[You'll need it, now that you've got a water buffalo for a pet.]

I was going to give Dahli and me a joint gift. . . .

[You must live in a state where that's legal.]

a companion pony for her and a future riding and breeding pony for me, but that had to be postponed.

[I hear benburch would like a breeding pony.]

i am posting from my new kindle fire. Wearing spongebob jammie pants, new zombie slippers and a narwhal shirt.

[Is that you, Pajama Boy? How are the health insurance talks going?]

Jammie pants should be the national uniform.

[Don't give Oubama ideas.]

A nasty cold.

[Say, did you ever wonder why you should sign up for health insurance? . . .]

Nothing.

[Think of it this way: You don't have to stand in a returns line.]

I've been grooming my 3 cats for a gift since July. So today I looked at them and said, "OK, give it up. Where's my Christmas pres?" They just stared at me with their 3 little Christmas collars intact and I realized that was my present. In years past they claw off their lovely red plaid collars with bow ties on them. This year they left them on. I was so happy.

[DUmmie NJCher, I think you need to be clawed with some Sanity Claws.]

I wasn't sure if I should post what I got or not. I feel kind of guilty considering I've been spoiled far too much compared to many. I deleted my first post cause of this.

[DUmmie LocoNuts, will you please GROW UP??]

A few things, an assortment of Magic the Gathering cards, slippers, tools, comic books, and a DC New 52 Black Adam action figure(its flippin sweet).

[Sounds like you made out like a bandit, DUmmie Broken_Hero. You know, don't you, you'll have to pay taxes on all that.]

I've been thinking of getting into comics off and on for years. Would you say the new 52 is the time to take the blunge?

[No, DUmmie LocoNuts, it's not time to take the blunge. It's time for you to grow up. You need to get OUT of comic books. Your LIFE is a comic book. You're in your 30s now, LocoNuts. Maybe move up to sci-fi novels or something.]

I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat but I was frustrated this Christmas. I got a lot of good things. Expensive things. But nothing on the list I asked for.

[Somebody, quick! Call the WAAAAAAHMBULANCE!!]

A crock pot for my office. . . .

[Said a crackpot on DU.]

My friends got together and gave me a flat screen tv.

[Ask DUmmie DainBramaged to block Fox News for you.]

Quinoa.

[Gesundheit.]

We really had a very nice holiday marred only by the fact that my daughter's youngest and favorite cat suddenly dropped dead for no apparent reason which she only discovered when she went home. . . .

[Perhaps DUmmie NJCher got in there and stared it to death.]

Got job..maybe two...

[This is DUmmie Lady Freedeom Returns. Her ambition in life is to be a shot girl at a bar. Only, instead of a shot girl, she'd be more of a quart matron.]

I have a payment plan to get my Collage Transcripts!

[Would your Collage Transcripts be from Art School?]

Yup!!! My cup runneth over. . . .

[Especially if you try squeezing into one of those shot girl outfits.]

THANK YOU DU FOR ALL THOSE GOOD VIBS!!!!!

[I call dibs on the lib vibs!]

I got tea, chocolate, a pair of gloves, and some nuts.

[We got LOTS of nuts, right here on DUmmie FUnnies!]

From my Daughter and Son-In-Law tickets to see Kathy Griffin. . . .

[They must really not like you.]

My girls gave me sweet framed "selfies".

[BTW, "selfie" is my choice for Word of the Year. I had "twerking" leading from August on, but then "selfie" made a strong finish in December, thanks to Oubama.]

I am Hawaii bound. . . .

[Is that you, Oubama? Vacation time again?]

I'm going to be honest here: My husband is in a psych ward. . . .

[I would be too, if I were married to you.]

$24 and a few cards.

[24 business dollars comes to about 3,500 dollar-dollars.]

Another completely useless present from my in laws. "Salts of the World" a selection of various "exotic salt: Alaea Hawaiian Sea Salt, Sel Gris French Sea Salt, Himalayan Pink Mineral Salt, Flor Bianca Mexican Sea Salt, Murray River Australian Rake Salt, and Yakima Applewood Smoked Sea Salt. . . . the six separate containers are sealed in two layers of heavy plastic. . . . I would NEVER have bought or asked for salt in this level of impervious packaging! . . . I'm considering leaving it sealed and re-gifting this thing to someone at some point in the future. Probably to someone I don't like. . . .

[The Sealing Saline Solution.]

8 Comments:

Anonymous troglaman said...

"What did YOU get, DUmmie LocoNuts? Some big-boy pants? Why don't you try them on?" PJinc

Oh yeah? OK. I'll put these big-boy pants on right now, Mister big shot!

So...um...I'll bet the chicks love this shit, don't they? Big-boy pants. Then again, senator Vitter might have done his brave and courageous duty by exposing the fact that the chicks dig baby-pants too. Diapers to be specific.

Big-boy pants?

Diapers?

Life is complicated.

3:39 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

"I must have been a really monumental asshole in a previous life to be so totally and completely forgotten EVERY DAMN HOLIDAY. And it's been like this as long as I can remember." - A Troglaman Clone/DU MOONBAT

Hate to break it to this Moonbat, but it wasn't a previous life in which he was a monumental asshole...he's a monumental asshole in THIS life.

12:31 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

And the fact that you're a monumental asshole (which has absolutely nothing to do with anything) completely escapes you.

Or does it?

Anyway...big-boy pants, assholes. As you know, I'm OK with the name calling, you bunch of petrified trilobite pussies.

But let's remember that it rarely has anything to do with anything...except our unbridled joy in engaging in the wondrous give-and-take of sadistic insinuation (which I'm totally down with).

Pretending it means anything but sophomoric posturing (and I love sophomoric posturing) might be interpreted as incredibly unaware stupidity...the act of a stunted baboon. A herd of stunted baboons.

I, troglaman, cannot help but love baboons...they're kin.

Hence my involvement here. Now you know.

1:48 AM  
Anonymous Mr. Anonymous said...

Troglaman the Troll has started another 24/7 bender again...oh joy. Just babbling to babble.

What a fucking idiot.

3:44 AM  
Anonymous Kirk Johnson said...

When, oh when, will Troglatard cease power-slamming his head up his ass at Mach-5 for the sole sake of producing that odd whirring sound he doth find so enchanting?

In other news, that Salts of the World gift sounds kinda cool...

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Kirk Johnson said...

When, oh when, will Troglatard cease power-slamming his head up his ass at Mach-5 for the sole sake of producing that odd whirring sound he doth find so enchanting?


I'm afraid there is no answer to that one Kirk...he without question either likes it way too much to stop doing it or desperately needs to do it to drown out the sound of reality.

Kirk Johnson said...


In other news, that Salts of the World gift sounds kinda cool...


I couldn't figure that out either. What the hell is the problem with getting that unless you just hate cooking or don't know how? Re-gifting it isn't a horrible idea but basing on hate sure is. I'm sure even a vicious hate-mongering Troglaman Clone/Moonbat like that would surely know someone that could use exotic cooking salts. Thought they were all about happiness and utopia, not hate.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free stuff, isn't that the whole idea behind Christmas? That's why the DUmmmies are angry, not enough free stuff, just some lousy Tibetan pink salt, Kathy Griffin tickets and a dead cat.

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free stuff, isn't that the whole idea behind Christmas? That's why the DUmmmies are angry, not enough free stuff, just some lousy Tibetan pink salt, Kathy Griffin tickets and a dead cat.


Good point

2:37 PM  

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