DUmmies whine about their Christmas presents
The DUmmies must have been naughty this year. It seems all Santa brought them was a lump of coal. Or so you would think, listening to the way they whine. Of course the DUmmies would probably want to bring Santa up on charges if he brought them a lump of coal, since coal is such an evil Republican rock.
The DUmmies talk about their Christmas presents here in this THREAD by DUmmie Locut0s, "What did you get for Christmas?" DUmmie Locut0s, affectionately known to us as LocoNuts, is the chubby self-pitying loser (that's "looser," for you DUmmies) who never gets anywhere in life--probably because all the does is sit around all day on DU, whining about how he can't get anywhere in life.
So let us now find out which DUmmies have been naughty (the majority) and which DUmmies have been nice (a precious few) and which DUmmies have been nuts--like, all of them--in Bowl-full-of-jelly Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, sending a mental fruitcake to each and every DUmmie, is in the [brackets]:
What did you get for Christmas?
[What did YOU get, DUmmie LocoNuts? Some big-boy pants? Why don't you try them on?]
Yes it's an overly consumerist holiday and the point really should be family, friends and loved ones.
[Gee, that's funny, and here I thought the point about Christmas was, sorta, Christ, you know. The thing's named after him, after all. But then, what do I know?]
But who's kidding sometimes it's nice to get a thing or two.
[Maybe one of these years, DUmmie LocoNuts, you'll get a job, and a date, maybe.]
[Let's now go to the other DUmmies and see what they got . . .]
I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat but I was frustrated this Christmas. I got a lot of good things. Expensive things. But nothing on the list I asked for.
[Somebody, quick! Call the WAAAAAAHMBULANCE!!]
A crock pot for my office. . . .
[Said a crackpot on DU.]
My friends got together and gave me a flat screen tv.
[Ask DUmmie DainBramaged to block Fox News for you.]
We really had a very nice holiday marred only by the fact that my daughter's youngest and favorite cat suddenly dropped dead for no apparent reason which she only discovered when she went home. . . .
[Perhaps DUmmie NJCher got in there and stared it to death.]
Got job..maybe two...
[This is DUmmie Lady Freedeom Returns. Her ambition in life is to be a shot girl at a bar. Only, instead of a shot girl, she'd be more of a quart matron.]
I have a payment plan to get my Collage Transcripts!
[Would your Collage Transcripts be from Art School?]
Yup!!! My cup runneth over. . . .
[Especially if you try squeezing into one of those shot girl outfits.]
THANK YOU DU FOR ALL THOSE GOOD VIBS!!!!!
[I call dibs on the lib vibs!]
I got tea, chocolate, a pair of gloves, and some nuts.
[We got LOTS of nuts, right here on DUmmie FUnnies!]
From my Daughter and Son-In-Law tickets to see Kathy Griffin. . . .
[They must really not like you.]
My girls gave me sweet framed "selfies".
[BTW, "selfie" is my choice for Word of the Year. I had "twerking" leading from August on, but then "selfie" made a strong finish in December, thanks to Oubama.]
I am Hawaii bound. . . .
[Is that you, Oubama? Vacation time again?]
I'm going to be honest here: My husband is in a psych ward. . . .
[I would be too, if I were married to you.]
$24 and a few cards.
[24 business dollars comes to about 3,500 dollar-dollars.]
Another completely useless present from my in laws. "Salts of the World" a selection of various "exotic salt: Alaea Hawaiian Sea Salt, Sel Gris French Sea Salt, Himalayan Pink Mineral Salt, Flor Bianca Mexican Sea Salt, Murray River Australian Rake Salt, and Yakima Applewood Smoked Sea Salt. . . . the six separate containers are sealed in two layers of heavy plastic. . . . I would NEVER have bought or asked for salt in this level of impervious packaging! . . . I'm considering leaving it sealed and re-gifting this thing to someone at some point in the future. Probably to someone I don't like. . . .
[The Sealing Saline Solution.]