Saturday, November 30, 2013

Thanksgiving in DUmmieland: The tradition continues

It's that  time of year again. Every year at DUmmie FUnnies we check in with the DUmmies to see how their Thanksgiving went. Usually it consists of a) non-traditional weirdness, b) confrontations with conservative relatives, c) conversions of conservative relatives, or d) all of the above.

Let's see how it went this year. We begin with this THREAD, "How will you spend Thanksgiving?" and move on to others.

So let us now go and spend Thanksgiving with the DUmmies, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson--who did the odd thing and actually went to church and gave to thanks to God for his blessings on our country, which is the reason we have the day off in the first place--is in the [brackets]:

How will you spend Thanksgiving?

[This thread is posted in DUmmieland's LGBT Group, which is not the same as a GBLT group. No, this group is not about giblets. Rather, these are DUmmies who like to stuff the turkey from the backside.]

My partner (I dislike the term, but prefer to wait to call him 'husband' until we are married when it is legal where we live) and I will be staying home. His supportive parents will be coming to visit to enjoy a meal that he will prepare. He loves to cook!

[Watch out for that turkey baster!]

I'm going to have a nice quiet evening with some turkey thighs.

[TMI !!]

Cher Savages Thanksgiving: ‘I Don’t’ Celebrate the ‘Beginning of a Great Crime’

[We move on to Cher. Always important to get her take on the big stories. BTW, Mr. Headline Writer, I see what you did there.]

Cher said that the American settlers were guilty of taking land from native Americans who had no concept of property ownership and also intentionally infected them with smallpox.

[OK, even if all of that were true, which it isn't, I guess we should all feel guilty and not celebrate anything, because of what happened hundreds of years ago when many of our ancestors were still in Europe. Cher has spoken.]

Cher explained: “Stealing Land, from a ppl, Who believed, Owning Land Was LIke Owning SKY!” “We gave them Blankets laced w/ Smallpox,” Cher concluded.

[WE did this! u cant, steal SKY! and Smallpox Blankets! what were we thinkng?? im like omg!!]

Possession of stolen property is also a crime.

[The first DUmmie--obviously a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!--posts this photo of Cher's HUMUNGOUS MANSION, which rests on STOLEN NATIVE PROPERTY:]

[Hee! Hee!]

Cher could do a lot of good by selling her 45 million dollar mansion and donating the money and land back to the natives.

[If she could turn back time. . . .]

for gods sake. cher is NATIVE.

[for gods sake. cher is NAIVE.]

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving lunch with my family. . . . What does Cher do, I wonder.

[I suppose she lays a wreath at the grave of her late husband, Bono, formerly of U2, and then goes off and has tofurkey dinner with her daughterson, Chaztity, and its partner.]

She needs to read "Guns, Germs, and Steel".

[Is that the sequel to "Gypsys, Tramps, and Thieves"? Oh, FUn Fact: Cher cannot read.]

Thanksgiving is different things to different people. . . .

[And the DUmmies are definitely different.]

For some, it is the High Holiday of Family and Togetherness.
For some, it is a feast and blob out day.
For some, it is a day to help others, at a food kitchen or shelter or at a paid/volunteer job of some sort.
For some, it is a day to go out to eat, to celebrate whateverness.

[For DUmmies, it is a day to celebrate whateverness, as long as that whateverness does NOT include giving thanks to GOD.]

Some spend it alone.
Some spend it with others.
Some ignore it.
Some hate it, not feeling like celebrating or being thankful, instead mourning or loathing the peer pressure.
Some eat too much.
Some eat too little.
Some watch sports.
Some watch movies.
Some go for walks.

[Some go on and on and on with parallel constructions, thinking this makes for clever writing.]

Some celebrate it on that day.
Some celebrate it on another day.
Some don't celebrate it.
There is no one "Right" way to feel, be, or do. There are many different ways to act, to feel, to be. Don't hurt people, don't hurt things.

[I'm thinking by now I would like to hurt YOU. Is that OK, since there is no one "Right" way to feel, be, or do?]

Thanksgiving Conservative Relative

[Here it is, the predictable "Thanksgiving with Teabaggers" bouncy . . .]

I'm one of few liberals in the family, and I just don't care to get fights started when I want to be enjoying pie. . . .

[Except, this time, I'm guessing you WILL get into a fight.]

the BIL's step-dad, who is very religious, has been trying to start political arguments with me. Last year about abortion. . . .   I was feigning being asleep after dinner and was actually trying to drop off when he started up about abortion and tried to drag me into it. I think I headed off any further discussion by saying, "You can be against abortion all you want from a religious standpoint, but if you're also against things like comprehensive sex education and birth control, then you can wring your hands about so-called immorality and pray all you want, but you're just working against your primary goal of reducing the abortion rate."

[Huh? You headed off further discussion because nobody could figure out what the heck you were talking about.]

This year, out of the blue, he just made some crack about Obamacare, while looking straight at me. . . . Later on, he brought it up again (particularly the website), so I headed him off with a two-pronged attack - first the website isn't Obamacare. It's a tool that needs fixing, and second, Obamacare has been with us for three years, and both democrats and republicans like it as both will gladly take money through the program to benefit hospitals and medical facilities in their districts including a couple of republicans from the Wichita area who did photo ops earlier this year at a couple of medical facilities giving some big-ass (both in physical size and amount) Obamacare checks to them.

[Ah, the old incoherent, rambling, run-on sentence strategy again, eh? This year I think you're more incomprehensible than ever.]

He shut up after that.

[He was fast asleep. It's hard to talk when you're asleep.]

I refuse to visit, eat or host anyone who is a republican.

[Please don't eat the Republicans. Believe me, we're not that tasty.]

If you're not liberal, you can never be family to me!

[For this we are truly thankful.]

the guests at my thanksgiving table. . . extremely diverse. . . . with an overlay of socially awkward gay scientists -- {i swear to god, i'm going to make every one of these guys wear a wig and a ball gown one of these days}

[benburch says: "Can I come? Can I come?"]

there was even 1 older student getting her masters of divinity who gave a very ecumenical, all inclusive grace.

["O To Whom It May Concern, we give thee--or you, plural, or us, maybe, we're not sure--whatever, we give thanks to somebody for lots of good stuff that we probably should feel guilty for, but we like anyway, so we send out white light and good vibes to the Universe, and . . . and . . . what the heck, let's eat!"]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonder if Troglatroll spent Thanksgiving counting his millions? If he's to be believed (and I got a lot of doubts where that asshat is concerned) he pulls in over $1.5 million a year.

If that's true I'll bet that asshat's a miser who spits in the faces of the poor, gives expired cans of food to the food kitchens and drops slugs into Salvation Army kettles.

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Liberals seem to believe that unless you are openly vocal about something you are automatically violently against it.

4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They just can't touch anything without befouling it.


10:38 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"...he pulls in over $1.5 million a year." troglanon

Yes I do! You, no doubt, have 'done the numbers' (as they say) based on something I said in the past, correct?

Your all's capacity to entertain knows no bounds.

12:58 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

And this "befouling" (excuse the pun) Thanksgiving...

I think we should call a truce or I'm going to bring up the 'Squirrel/Possum vs Turkey' issue, ok?

Be warned and...

Besides Seattle, where-ever you live, whatever team you love, the Seahawks are causing you pain.

(God do I love this team. I've said this before - they're a "HOLY SHIT!!!" team. It happens every game, win (mostly) or lose...some bizarre play or turn of events. Watch out)

1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Squirrel and 'possum aren't suitable for Thanksgiving, you uncultured ignoramus. That'd be raccoon or venison.

And the Sea-whats? Never heard of 'em.


10:53 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...


Squirrel/possum are not proper Thanksgiving fare. Here in Wisconsin we prefer bear bratwursts or gator.

....and the Seahawks aren't causing us any pain, the Packers are.

Meanwhile, little Elrond III grows apace.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

I feel you Elrond. The Packers got exposed on offense line, truly atrocious secondary. LOT of work to do in the offseason.

After the brutal beatdown Seattle delivered upon the Saints in New Orleans, the Seahawks are without question the team to beat in the NFC.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No logic. If there was no concept of ownership, why did the Indians fight the settlers? Seems like a settler could build a log cabin right next to a teepee and start planting corn, right? Hmmmm.

PS. Thanks for not making people sign up for something like stupid FB in order to comment.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Actually, the Native Americans didn't really have a concept of ownership - yes some tribes ran other tribes out but they didn't get the concept of people just taking areas and declaring it theirs. I think they really did expect that the white men would come to their way of looking at the land rather than what happened.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Native Americans had farms and graveyards. How can you possibly have these without a concept of ownership?

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

That's interesting....didn't know that....

11:08 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"I think they really did expect that the white men would come to their way of looking at the land rather than what happened." stinkwagon

What the hell's wrong with you, stinkwagon? You're actually sounding like a reasonable person instead of a serial killer.

He's right. Native Americans, for the most part, believed they belonged to the land rather than it belonging to them. It was a profound difference in belief.

Turns out, they were probably right.

3:20 AM  
Blogger Trog said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:34 AM  
Anonymous Mr. Anonymous said...

The Official Obama Zombie of the DUmmie FUnnies babbled....

"What the hell's wrong with you, stinkwagon? You're actually sounding like a reasonable person instead of a serial killer."

Still on that 24/7 bender I see....

5:44 PM  
Anonymous The ULTIMATE Man said...

Troglafuck NEVER makes sense.

2:29 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Doesn't seem all that complicated to me, boys. But, in all fairness, I showed this to some bamboo shoots and they were confused as hell. So you're not alone.

That's a good thing.

1:17 AM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

You been tapping the home brew troggy? You're making less sense than usual.

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Anonymous said...

krazy kat said...

You been tapping the home brew troggy? You're making less sense than usual.

He's been tapping SOMETHING....he's been on a 24/7 bender for over a damn week...doesn't know who the hell he's talking to, let alone what the fuck he's talking about.

9:34 PM  
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