Tales from the Whipped: ObamaCare Sign-up Nightmares

In our last DUFU, we heard from Will the Shill Pitt how wonderful and easy signing up for ObamaCare is--even though he hadn't, uh, exactly completed the process. Well, today's DUFU will tell a different tale, i.e., "Tales from the Whipped: ObamaCare Sign-up Nightmares." We visit this THREAD by DUmmie Demo_Chris, "9 HOURS in and Healthcare.gov still wont let me look at the actual PLANS."

Fortunately it won't take us 9 hours to look at the actual comments of the DUmmies, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if William Rivers Pitt will be able to get signed up within 24 business hours, is in the [brackets]:

9 HOURS in and Healthcare.gov still wont let me look at the actual PLANS

[If you like to see plans, you can keep . . . waiting. Patience, my child.]

8 hours and a hundred crashes to get this far.

[Crash of the Type-ins.]

It's impressively and spectacularly bad. It is a freaking marvel of fail, the cirque du Soleil of incompetence.

[Jirque DU Delay.]

Right now my wife is so frustrated by the experience that she is ready to drop kick her computer out the window.

[The Defenestration of Prog.]

So we CALLED the 800 number to get it straightened out. To be precise, I called the 800 number while my wife sat in our darkened bedroom, crying and clutching her cat and occasionally shrieking out random ACA induced profanities.

["I hope this isn't going to take long. My pussy's been locked up for eight hours."]

The guy on the phone, after taking down all my information and typing it into his computer yet again, reached the exact same place the system had hung up before, and he ran into the same error message we had encountered. . . . He informed me that he had tried hitting enter three times. This was apparently the limits of his troubleshooting skills.

[Three strikes and you're out . . . of luck.]

He politely offered to hit enter for me a few more times, but I assured him I could do this myself. I asked what I was supposed to do now, and he did not know. He said, and this is close to a quote "Yeah, it's a mess, it pretty much does this kind of thing all day. Maybe you can try back some other time, that might fix it."

[You know, Demo_Chris, your "Cirque du Soleil of Incompetence" comment earlier was pretty good. Sooo. . . . If you like your Kewpie Doll, you can keep your Kewpie Doll. It's in the mail.]

Jackasses like Limbaugh or Paul Ryan say that government is the problem. It's a sentiment that I oppose. . . . That said, we just handed them a six-hundred million dollar example to point to.

[Demo_Chris, I think you are on your way to becoming a conservative jackass just like us! Watch out, you may have to change your name to Repuke_Chris! For now, though, prepare for a beatdown from your fellow DUmmies . . .]

This sounds suspicious. . . .

[Are you suggesting that Demo_Chris might be a . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL???]

Why would your wife sit in a darkened room crying and clutching her cat, etc.?

[Maybe she heard Obama say, "If you like your cat, you can keep your cat."]

I would be pushing to find someone who could help me resolve the situation. . . . I would demand to talk with his supervisor.

["Yes, this is his supervisor. . . . You say you've waited nine hours, and your wife is crying and clutching her pussy?"]

The deadline for coverage on Jan 1st. It had been December 15th but was changed to the 23rd.

[How about changing the whole thing to the 12th of Never?]

You should turn the lights on in the bedroom.

Yeah, at least let the woman have some light while she's shrieking & clutching. Maybe it's the cat that's shrieking b/c she's clutching him too hard.

[Puss in Boudoir: Shriek Forever After]

Maybe try it at 2 in the morning when traffic is low?

[Better yet, try it at 3 in the morning. You may get right through.]

I've heard that starting over with a new email address & user name can get you out of whatever code-induced dead end you are apparently in.

[The cure for the common code.]

anonymous, unverifiable anti-ACA posts, even absurd creative writing fails like this one, should normally just be ignored.

[No criticism of Obamassiah allowed! To the iggy list with you! No, on second thought, TO THE HAGUE!!]

A wave of quiet melancholy seeped from the darkened space where his one true love sobbed quietly. Out in the chaos of the beast-maddened world, the sneering and sarcastic acolytes of the Magical Priest King laughed heartily at the family's pain - they blocked up their ears as if with wax at any sadness, lest the Magical Priest King be considered less glowing. They crowded about, pointing and laughing. Always pointing and laughing....

[Hee! Hee! Very good, DUmmie alcibiades_mystery! I'm going to break the rules here and give YOU a Kewpie Doll, too!]

I don't understand your reference to "unverifiable". I gather that the next DUer who applies should have two witnesses (not immediate family members) in the room with him or her at the start of the process. These witnesses should note when the effort begins, when it ends, and what the results were. They should report their findings in sworn affidavits, which will be notarized. Any post complaining about any ACA difficulty must include the PDF of each affidavit, along with each witness's full name, address, telephone number, and email address, so that the reports can be verified.

[NOTARY-VERIFIED SIGN-UP REPORTS! DU IT FOR ANDY!]

I for one am prepared to believe that someone like Demo Chris, with more than 4,000 posts, is not a Limbaughite who's put that much effort into setting up a DU persona just to pave the way for lying about Healthcare.gov problems. I'm especially prepared to believe it when this admittedly "unverifiable" account is completely consistent with what many other people have reported.

[I BELIEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!]

I've been trying since October 1st. You would not believe what I've gone through with the ACA website.

[YOU WOULD NOT BELIEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!]

For $768/month presently, we get a $400 deductible, $2,000 out of pocket, $20 doctor co-pays, $10 drugs, and dental and vision. I doubt the ACA can beat that anyway. I sure don't want to save $150/month on premiums and have a $6,350 deductible. That would be dumb.

I entered into the website and it said: "You have tried too many times. Wait 24 hours and try again."

[That's 24 ObamaCare hours, which is like 7 dog years.]

My wife has been trying to sign up since Oct. It has been a nightmare. . . .

[Nightmare on Health Street]

What's weird is that the GOLD level plans seem worse than the SILVER plans they are offering us.

[Silver and gold
Silver and gold
Cost so much more when I ran
Numbers and old calculations
On every healthcare plan . . .]

I see the "attack anyone who complains" brigade is all over you here. . . . Question something you're told or point out inconvenient realities and the knives come out. . . . And some wonder why Obama's approval has fallen to the upper 30's, right along with approval for the ACA. Who wants to be on the side of a bunch of arrogant reactionaries who deny reality and demand that you do as well. . . .

[DUmmieland is the Reality-Erased Community.]

How many different ways can a person/family enroll in Obamacare ... ?

[There must be fifty ways to have your healthcare . . .]

Blind gullibility is bad enough, but the arrogance in attacking anyone who doesn't sing Obamacare's praises to your liking and hit all the right notes for you on the matter is about as appealing as dog vomit.

[The Pukingese breed.]

Real person experiencing a real problem and you and others jump all over him like he's some fox in your hen house.

[The quick brown dog vomit jumped over the lousy fox.]

It took me 63 days to get my application sent to the insurance company. A total of about 80 frustrating hours spent on the phone with the call center and trying to get my account established and visible on the website. I still cannot see my information on the website, other than my name, security questions, etc. I was twice told that my applications by phone had gone through, and then one of them got "lost", and with the other one, an error was made, (not by me), and I had to do a third application, once the application was declared done, like you, I was unable to see the plans on the internet. They told me they could not fix that, and refused to send me the plans by mail. And the call center reps could not pull up my plans, except that one of them said he had some plans become available, which I knew were bogus offers because they were way more expensive than the calculators indicated my plans would cost. So I told the call rep this, and he spoke with supervisors, and then came back and said, well, why don't I just take one of the plans he had previously offered? I got really upset at that point. The next day, another call center rep could not pull up my plans, so I asked to speak with a call center supervisor, and after I was on hold for a really long time, she answered and was able to pull up all 78 plans, and told me that the only way I could get insurance was for her to tell me the information about the plans over the phone. So I had to choose a plan without the benefit of being able to read, study, and investigate them in order to determine exactly which one was really best for me. I was on the phone with the call center for approximately 6 hrs that day. At $20 an hr for my time, and for cell phone bills, and pain and suffering, I figure the subsidies I receive for my premiums will just about cover the expenses for the time that I spent was struggling to get insurance through healtcare.gov. But, frustrated almost to the point of needing therapy, I chose a plan a plan over the phone, and it seems like a good deal. Unfortunately, the insurance company is claiming that Healthcare.gov sent them some wrong information. Healthcare.gov is claiming they sent the correct information. I sent the insurance company a premium payment, and have a policy ID number. But I am not sure if I will be covered on Jan 1, because of this information problem, which the insurance company will not allow me to correct personally, but are saying that Healthcare.gov needs to correct the information and send the corrected information to them. Healthcare.gov says it sent them the correct information in the first place, and that they cannot send them any more information, and that the insurance company has the accurate information and is not "accurately relaying correct information" to me. . . . My experience with healthcare.gov was in the top 5 most f***ed up things that I have ever experienced in life.

[Hey, DUmmie? Yeah, you, you who voted for Obama. Two words: OWN IT!]