Sunday, February 12, 2012

DUmmies Complain About Grocery Prices

Let me begin this DUFU edition with a blatant self-plug but, as I shall demonstrate, it actually does have to do with the DUFUs. First the blatant plug: My FIRST Kindle article, HOW TO EARN MONEY AT NASCAR RACES, is now available online. It is about how NASCAR fans can earn money while scoring cheap tickets at the NASCAR races. Based on my experiences of following the NASCAR circuit for two full seasons and parts of several more. As I mentioned in the article, I tested out one of the techniques provided in the article just a few weeks ago and it worked beautifully so the information is not outdated.

So how does this shameless bit of self-promotion for my Kindle ARTICLE relate to the DUmmie FUnnies? In two ways. First of all, this DUmmie THREAD, "Wait until you go to the grocery store this week,. I thought I'd faint" demonstrates that they are mostly CLUELESS about how to use coupons to drastically reduce their costs. So guess what my very next Kindle article in the next few weeks will be about? How I use coupons to score FREE/cheap groceries including how I got my Compaq Presario Laptop computer (which I'm typing on now) FREE with coupons. Yes, I will finally reveal my innermost couponing secrets. It will be like Superman revealing to the world that his secret identity is Clark Kent. Also this article will relieve the pressure on DUFU co-conspirator, Charles since I told him the secret of how I scored the FREE computer a couple of years ago and swore him to secrecy. In just a few weeks, after I reveal all in my Kindle article, he will no longer have to carry the awesome burden of carrying that secret around.

Finally my shameless self-plug relates to the DUFUs since after writing a series of Kindle of articles, I am planning on writing a voluminous Kindle book featuring the best of the DUmmie FUnnies with lots of added bonus features with the aforementioned Charles who, relieved of his terrible psychological burden of carrying my computer couponing secret after all these years, will be psychologically fit to co-author the Kindle book with me. I am figuring the book will be at least a thousand, maybe even two thousand, pages long. Hey, there is a lot of DUmmie gold that needs to be highlighted from the best of eight years of the DUFUs. And don't worry, Wee Willie, there will be a SPECIAL chapter of the book devoted to you. Hee! Hee!

Oh, and Mary Matalin...YOU'RE FIRED!!! Hard copy books in the Age of Kindle are no longer needed. As a matter of fact, hard copy books are a hindrance since it would be impossible to publish a book with the voluminous material planned for the DUFU book. I also see such a book as chock full of graphics and links to videos, etc. so it should be very entertaining.

So now that I am done with my seemingly endless self-justification for my Kindle plug (btw, you don't need a Kindle reader to read the material since Kindle software downloads are available free for your computer or other device) let us watch the DUmmies whine helplessly over rising grocery prices in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, never one to miss an opportunity for plugging, is in the [brackets]:


Wait until you go to the grocery store this week,. I thought I'd faint.

[Please don't faint on my coupon pile that allows me to buy the same stuff for FREE or for pennies on the dollar.]

This days shopping experience was the worst yet. I shop circulars and have 3 stores nearby from which I can buy sale items.

[And has it ever occurred to your tiny mine to COMBINE sale items with coupons?]

Today was the worst experience I have had yet. Prices have taken a huge jump since I last shopped. I chatted with many other shoppers and we were all upset. I am alone and buy for myself. My first thought was to wonder how a family with children can hope to put a weeks worth of food on the table.

[Simple. That family simply reads my next Kindle article on how to score all their food items FREE or unbelievably cheap. Oh, and I will also reveal how I got FREE gasoline in the same article. < /sly plug>]

I shop every 3 weeks or so, do not buy junk stuff, only things that are 'food'. I wonder if and when this ridiculous escalation of prices will slow.

[After Barack Obama with his inflationary deficits is REMOVED from office.]

I hope those who have no jobs or are on a very limited budget can find a way to cope.

[Cope and Change...Presidents.]

I live on Social Security and do not have funds to squander. For those without even this benefit, I feel for you.

[Every time you DON'T use coupons you are squandering.]

Who the heck in Washington is watching out for the 99%ers like me who have to eat in order to survive. This whole thing really stinks.

[Mark this DUmmie down for a sure vote for Obama this year despite his misery. And now on to the other clueless DUmmies...]

I think a lot has to do with weather When things were so bad last year, they told us to be prepared for rising prices.

[Warmest winter in years so I think that lame excuse is out the window. Why don't you look at the obvious inflationary cause sitting in the White House?]

I heard on the news that gas will go up here to over $4.00 gallon this summer. That will make everything else go up.

[Did I mention that my next Kindle article will reveal how I scored FREE gasoline for most of the month of this past October?]

Fruits and vegetables? Canned goods? Meats? Milk products? I did not notice anything in LA yet.

[LA? Do they still do double coupons there? That was the first place where I did coupons. One store even TRIPLED coupons a couple of times per year.]

The best I can do is shop carefully. I also make a list of things I need that are available at Dollar Tree. I go there every month or so.

[Dollar Tree? And did you ever consider the Dollar General store because twice a month they have store coupons that knock $5 off a purchase of $25 or more. That is how I scored FREE Airwick Kits with refills this year. Just yesterday I scored a FREE 33 oz can of coffee via the same method. Oh, and the other $25 worth of stuff? I also got that FREE via coupons so all free, free, FREE!!! Details will be provided in my upcoming Kindle article. < /sly plug>]

I do find their prices on things like rubbish and freezer bags to be much cheaper. Condiments, toothbrushes, some shampoo, household cleaners, Sun non-chlorine bleach(great stuff, BTW).

[A buck each. Big deal. I haven't paid a cent for toothpaste, condoms (I mean condiments), shampoo, and household cleaners in years. Even an average couponer can easily score that stuff FREE.]

Walmart is starting to carry fresh produce and it's a ripoff, also.

[Walmart changed their coupon policies almost exactly a year ago and now it is a great place for couponers to shop. Lets see... At Walmart I scored FREE Halibut and basically ANYTHING else I wanted. More to be revealed in my upcoming article. < /sly plug>]

Yeah, it's bad enough with gas at $3.50.

[Folks, you have no idea what a JOY it is to fill up your tank with FREE gasoline. I thought my overwhelming sense of joy would only be for the first time I topped off my tank but the same feeling came back whenever I repeated that back in October. FREEEEEEEE Gaaaasssss.....]

The Fed is inflating the hell out of everything

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

the peanut butter jumped significantly in price from one visit to the next.

[Would you like a bottle from my FREE stock? While you're at it, please take a free bottle of Ken's marinade from my stock as well.]

I couldn't believe over $7.00 for a jar of peanut butter.

[That's your cost DUmmie. My cost is exactly $0.00.]

I happen to be at publix last week. I noticed the JIF was BOGO free. I knew we didn't need any, so I was about to pass it up, then I saw the price $6.99 (I am not sure of the ounces, but it was the biggest one Publix offers). I put 4 of them in my cart.

[And I bet you didn't know Publix allows you to use a coupon on each BOGO item. Even better you can use a manufacturer's coupon AND a Publix coupon on each item. Of course, that might not still get your peanut butter price down to zero. To learn how to do that you will need to read my next Kindle article. < /sly plug>]

Prices are always outrageous here in Los Angeles.

[So that means you are too DUmb to take advantage of the double coupon policies there.]

$8 for Maxwell House pound can o'coffee? That IS 'spensive. I pay $8 for Starbucks at Target.

[I paid $0.00 for 2lb 1 oz of coffee yesterday. I'll toast your idiocy with a cup of that Java.]

If you can use coupons, that's great.

[Yeah, you need a special license to use coupons. Only the privileged one percenters are allowed to do so.]

I should do that more, but I get discouraged because I use so few items that have coupons. I'll check out that link you gave, though.

[Better yet, you should check out my upcoming Kindle article because, as I shall reveal, you don't need coupons for specific items to get the prices reduced. I got that 33 oz can of coffee yesterday with coupons but not specifically for that product.]

I also got my new jammies from Sam's.

[My jammies are also known as underwear.]

woodman`s liqueur store in janesville is huge!

[Did I mention that I have also scored FREE beer and wine via coupons?]

Fortunately, I am a vegetarian and do not have to spend money on meat.

[I'll remember that while eating my FREE Porterhouse steaks since I also do not have to spend money on meat.]

do stores still have the dented can bin? Haven't seen that for years.

[DUmmieland has a dented skull bin.]

I couldn't believe how much milk was the other day, jeez, milk for gods sake is now getting expensive! WTF?

[Thanx for the reminder. I got to remember to pick up a FREE gallon of milk today.]

I am buying fruits and veggies and sunflower seeds and skipping almost everything else.

[Is that you, Bugs Bunny?]

I live mostly off of dried beans, frozen veggies (many at Wegman's are just $1 a bag) and I cook just about everything from scratch.

[It sounds like a court sentenced you to that miserable diet as punishment for being a DUmmie.]

Sigh. I remember when I got my first apartment in 1975. My roommate and I loaded our shopping cart to overflowing and paid twenty-nine dollars and a few cents. And that lasted us most of the summer...

[I can still do the same thing only it costs me less that ten bucks.]

I went from Wisconsin to Illinois and the price for groceries jumped 50%

[And yet you still want Governor Scott Walker recalled, DUmmie.]

We have also noticed that things have shrunk in size but prices stayed the same.

[I'm so sad. Before I could get a 16 oz can for FREE but now I can only get a 12 oz can for FREE.]

Today's shopping list
3 boxes milk duds

[DUds for a DUd DUmmie.]

How long are we all going to take this quietly??

[Just long enough to vote for Obama this November without protest.]

I'm going to start speaking to the store manager when I see that something has jumped dramatically and unprecedentedly.

[You'd be better off speaking to the Meat Manager. I'll explain in the section of my next Kindle article titled, "Meat Managers Are Your Friends." < /sly plug>]

We have seen no big hike recently in Belgium, but I read in Greece produce is like 20% up.

[Greece: Socialist heaven.]

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUmmie: Oo! I've got a great idea! Let's raise taxes on the evil corporations, restrict trade with Mexico and other countries, and saddle our farmers with smothering regulations. Then we can sit around and bitch and wonder why our food prices have skyrocketed!"
Dummie2: "It has to be the fault of globalwarmingATMstheJOOOOOsBUSH!"

11:02 AM  
Blogger Spinster Beth said...

I normally love reading your columns, but there were no funny zingers in it this time. Just comments on your ability to get free stuff. I admire you for it, but I read DUFU to laugh at your sly remarks ... please bring them back!

3:35 PM  
Anonymous envisio said...

""""y first thought was to wonder how a family with children can hope to put a weeks worth of food on the table."""""

You want to know how??? I'll tell you how.
You sign your fat ass up for food stamps and load up three carts full of groceries for your six ipod/cellphone carrying fat butterball children and stand in line in front of me with my can of beans that I have to pay for.
Ever see a welfare queen's kitchen? little debbie cakes, chips, ice cream, cookies fill the cabinets full. Oh yeah... the kitchen is in section 8 housing so I pay for that too.
Fucking welfare queens got it made. How can these cronically unemployed social parasites complain when something is free. Not free enough????

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, with the cost of fuel rising, the costs of food will rise right with them. The producers (farmers) are not going bankrupt so people can have cheap food.

Maybe these DUmmies should write to their Presdent since he listens to them . . . right?

2:03 AM  

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