Sunday, July 17, 2011

"I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans"

Politics makes for strange bedfellows. And politics can also make for *estranged* bedfellows, when the fellow is a Rethuglican and you're a DUmmie. Such is the case for DUmmie Sarah Ibarruri, who is thisclose to breaking up with her boyfriend, the right-winger. By her own account, Sarah's beau is a nice guy, and he treats her just fine, but he IS a Rethug, and that is driving DUmmie Sarah NUts! So instead of Dear Abby, Sarah resorts to Dear DUmmie for advice, as we see in this THREAD, "I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans."

So let us now join DUmmie Sarah Ibarruri for this edition of "Dear DUmmie," in Roses Are Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, thinking maybe Sarah should contact Mary Matalin for advice on politically mixed marriages (and to get a book deal for PJ), is in the [brackets]:

I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans

[WHAT are they doing NOW, those d*mn Rethugs?! Interfering with a poor woman's romance! D*MN them!]

The man I've been seeing is a right winger.

[Oh wait! Your fella IS a Rethug! Now I get you! But, but . . . how?? How in the WORLD could you possibly be going out with a Rethuglican?? ICK!]

Yeah, I know. I almost wear a sign on me that says, "If you're a right winger, get the F*** away,"

[DUmmie Sarah ALMOST wears a sign that says that. Instead, she opted for a tattoo. Big bold letters, across her cleavage.]

and yet here I am, dating a right winger. He's not as right wing as some of these a**holes, like Boehner, or Cantor, but he's right wing nonetheless.

[So I take it he's a right winger.]

He doesn't argue with me, and I rave and froth at the mouth with hatred for the GOPigs, but he's patient and caring.

[So maybe the question ought to be, How can HE be going out with YOU? You must have some impressive . . . attributes.]

But I'm reaching the end of my patience. I simply CANNOT, CANNOT endure being with someone who even remotely agrees with these sh*theads who have taken our country down a path to second world nation for the past 31 years. I am growing more and more angry with my guy, and I've nearly gotten to the point at which I'm ready to call it quits.

[He's patient and caring, and he treats me nice, but HE DOESN'T WANT TO RAISE TAXES ON THE RICH! THAT'S IT! WE. ARE. OVER!!!]

Right now I'm livid and cannot talk to him. He makes me sick.

[I believe the beloved be livid! Now let's see if the DUmmies have any advice for the lividlorn . . .]

I'm available.

[DUmmie zappaman is first in line! He senses a new prog babe coming on the market.]

Never seen a Fox News show in my life. And never hated a politician like I hated GWB and puppetmaster Cheney...

[Welcome to dHarmony®! Boys, start listing your qualifications. (Maybe some of you gals, too. This is DUmmieland, after all.)]

I agree on GW Bush and Cheney. How does Cheney remain alive? Is he bionic? His heart must look like a frikkin' oil rag, it's been so sewn up, taken apart, then sewn up again. Freaks, both of them.

[The mention of mutual hates gets Sarah in a romantic mood. She and zappaman start flirting . . .]

Cheney is either inhuman or can afford the kind of health care most of us just fantasize about. I can't wait to dance on his grave and if that makes me a bad person, so be it.

[Oooh, you big bad liberal man! Talk like that turns me on!]

He doesn't deserve to breathe.

[Sarah is now in the "foreplay" stage.]

Cheney is Undead. His Kind Cannot Die.

[DUmmie AndyTiedye butts in, trying to sound even more anti-rethug than zappaman. This is like two rams fighting over a cute girl sheep.]

Maybe he's walking around some cemetery at night.

[Sarah now flirts with Andy.]

Dump the MoFo.

[DUmmie cherokeeprogressive advises Sarah to DUmp the Mooselini Follower!]

Oh believe me, I'm about this ready to! I told him yesterday that I think he's concealing his true nature and pretending to be nice, when in actuality he's a first-class a**hole because, how could anyone be such a d**k as to wish ill on the least able, and think redistribution of wealth towards the top is just the coolest thing. He can't understand why I'm so F angry at him. Is he NUTS, or just pretending he doesn't get this? He thinks because he's nice to me, it's all fine. It isn't.

[Get a prog boy! He may treat you like sh*t, he may mooch off your money, and he may be lacking in male secondary sexual characteristics, but at least he'll vote right! Left, I mean!]

I just can't get over it. He's nice to me, and holds views that make me sick.

[I think you just can't help being attracted to a real manly man, Sarah, and it's driving you CRAZY! Your head says one thing, but your heart and hormones say another!]

I once read that Adolph Hitler was absolutely wonderful to Eva Braun and to his dogs, but that doesn't mean Adolph Hitler didn't have evil views and heinous intentions about the rest of the world. I told my boyfriend that. He didn't find it amusing.

[I can't imagine why.]

I dated a man once who was nice to me, but kind of dickish or very dickish to some other people, though never when in my presence. . . . But dickishness will out. Eventually a dick will be a dick to you, too.

[You dated Dick Cheney?? And lived to tell about it??]

On the other hand, I have many relatives who are geneuinely wonderful people in almost every way--except that they are real Republicans. They . . . have always been very religious--and very Republican.


I dated a woman who is now a republican. I don't get it. Black, disabled, homeless, lesbian, and republican.

[A Caucus of One.]

He sounds like a nice guy. If you're ranting and raving at him, give him a break and get rid of him. It doesn't sound like he deserves to be ranted and raved at.

[DUmmie Yupster, YOU get the Kewpie Doll!]

These days when someone says they are a republican I look at them like they have 3 heads.

[Three heads are better than one.]

It's now literally making me nauseous to think of my guy's opinions.

[That's why they call us Repukes!]

Move on and let the guy live a nag free life....

[Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.]

I lasted 9 months with a RW...Deal breaker was..."umm, There's a question about Obama's Birth Certificate"...after that I kicked him to the curb...

[No marriage certificate for you!]

Oh my GOD. See? The minute I hear my guy say stupid sh*t like that, I swear to you, I feel like kicking him to the curb. I automatically ask him things like, "You can't be this stupid, can you?" Then he gets hurt.

[Sarah, this guy of yours must have the patience of Job! Or else your assets must be VERY impressive!]

I've had many first date, last dates over this exact issue. I make sure the topic of politics comes up right away so I can find out where they stand on issues.

["Hi, I'm DUmmie Annette. Where do you stand on the debt ceiling?"]

I really wish and hope that I will one day meet a good and decent democratic gentleman. Maybe if I could get out of Tennessee. . . .

[Not so fast! I know of a certain recently-single-again PROMINENT Tennessee Democrat! BTW, what size is your carbon footprint?]

My friend, think long and hard.

[Annette, I think that is precisely what Sarah wants!]

Yes, but where are these lib guys? That's the reason I ended up with a Republican...I couldn't meet any lib guys. Of course, I live in Florida.

[Sarah punched Al Gore and ended up with Pat Buchanan!]

(sigh) We need a LIB dating website big time!

[$kimmer, DUAC Earl, are you listening? There's a niche, now fill it!]

not a lib site per se but one that pitched itself as matching progressives with each other. . . . I gave a high weight to geographic proximity (I don't have a car), but some of my suggested matches were hundreds of miles away.

[No, friends, this was NOT the famous carless and dateless DUmmie stevenumbers who wrote this post, but ANOTHER DUmmie looser without wheels, DUmmie Jim "Life in the Fast" Lane. . . . Now back to DUmmie Sarah talking about her guy . . .]

I actually told him once that his I.Q. must be very low if he talks as if he were an idiot. Aside from this situation, he's very good to me, he's cute, generous, kind, loves my family, is interesting, loves to travel, lots of things.

[But ALL THAT is overshadowed by his belief that it's wrong for the government to take people's wealth away from them and give it to others! What a MONSTER!]

Repigs have taken the U.S. from 1st world to 2nd world nation status. And I will not forgive them, and more importantly, I see them as needing to shut the f*** up, beg forgiveness and just die. How can I possibly remain with someone who thinks this way, when all I'm feeling about his way of thinking, is hatred? I'm incredibly frustrated and confused.

[That's it, Sarah, tell your boyfriend to shut the f*** up and JUST DIE! Look, having Mr. Right Wingo as your boyfriend at least gives you someone to vent on! You can make this work, honey!]

he looks good, is nice, very romantic, very funny, very nice, and he says he loves me.

[And you get someone to rage and rant at in the bargain! What's not to like?]

I'm actually surprised he hasn't kicked HER to the curb.

[And THERE is the great mystery of this thread!]

He's very nice to me, and very handsome, and very intelligent. He's a complete idiot with regard to his outlook on life and I make him suffer for it every day.

[A match made in purgatory!]

How's the sex, though?

[Finally we get to it. . . .]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I read this one a day or two ago...this chick is one messed up puppy. She ounds like she might abandon her children if they were not in lockstep with her politically. But its everyone else that is crazy, not her. Standard DU...

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But I'm reaching the end of my patience. I simply CANNOT, CANNOT endure being with someone who even remotely agrees with these sh*theads who have taken our country down a path to second world nation for the past 31 years."

First, does the double "CANNOT" mean she CAN endure...blah blah blah? This genius doesn't understand that "Second World" is a cold war term which refers to the Communist portion of the world. In which case she should be avoiding all the left-wing "men" out there.

Additionally, she thinks we have been regressing for only the past 31 years, which would have begun in 1980. It was the preceeding 4 years (1976-79) that provided us the new economic measurement known as the "misery index". Funny how she left tht out, eh? Or more likely, she's just not very smart and wasn't aware. Crazy AND dumb. She'd better have some impressive attributes indeed, PJ.

11:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously she has a morals deficit. I do not know how people live with her kind of outlook and attitude toward people. What a miserable life she leads. Would not want to be her.

11:23 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

It all makes sense when you realize that Sarah Ibarruri is really Casey Anthony.

11:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's hoping the boyfriend dumps Miss Psycho and finds a nice girl.

Politics aside, just a nice girl, whether she be Repub or Lib.

Life's too short to deal with crazy, especially on a voluntary basis.

8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see ... the guys she consorts with because they treat her nicely are all "evil" Republicans. Presumably, she does not begin relation ships with commie-libs because the commie-lib types of guys treat her like shit. Anyone with the intellect above the level of an amoeba would make the connection and, perhaps, modify their way of thinking about "evil" Republicans. Maybe consider that the reason they are Republican right wingers is the same reason they treat her decently. But, noooo. Her reasoning is more along the line of "Doc, it hurts when I hit my hand with a hammer. What do you mean quit hitting my hand with a hammer? I like the sound it makes when I hit my hand. What kind of quack doctor are you?"

10:57 AM  
Anonymous krazy kat said...

Is troglaman available? He might want to pick up Ms. Ibarruri on the rebound. They'd probably get along, she sounds as politically psychotic as our troggy.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"He doesn't argue with me, and I rave and froth at the mouth with hatred for the GOPigs..."

They probably don't go to many restaurants; nothing ruins one's appetite like your date frothing at the mouth while you're trying to eat the escargot.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

Repigs have taken the U.S. from 1st world to 2nd world nation status. And I will not forgive them, and more importantly, I see them as needing to shut the f*** up, beg forgiveness and just die.

Oh yeah, progressive discourse at it's finest. Stupid/false claim followed by the oh so typical, shut up and die..

I have a hard time believing that her boyfriend a) exists, b) sits still and listens to this kind of clap-trap without responding and c) is really a Republican.

To her, Chavez probably looks like a Rebuplican. :) -tm

1:42 PM  
Blogger Tami said...

Dummie's really do live in an alternative universe. Wasn't it Baracky who said the US is no longer a first world nation and that we are not exceptional? But oh yea, it's those evil republicans (who haven't been in power except for the last few months in the house) who have taken the US to banana republic status.

This guy she's seeing is the real idiot in the story. How any Republican and especially a conservative can date and claim to be in love with a liberal is beyond me. Liberals have no morals, ethics or limits on bad behavior. Few know a damned thing about this nation, its history or what really takes place in DC. And being so easily led around by the ring in their nose (or other parts of the body, ick) they'll believe every single thing KOS says, regardless of how easily proven a lie or simply far out.

He needs to kick this hippy chick under the bus and not look back.

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

I wonder if this saintly yet evil GOPiggy boyfriend actually exists.

Our Ms. Ibarruri thinks that Repiglicans are the embodiment of all that is evil and hateful in this world. Yet she persists in dating the enemy. Accordingly, the boyfriend is: 1)a Kennedy in the sack or, 2)yet another piece of DUmmie fiction.

Number 2 is a safe bet.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I married one of our friends from the other side of the aisle, so I speak from experience.

It can work if you can agree to disagree on most political things. If you both are sane and mature, it will work. I don't think this DUFU was written by a sane person.

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SoG - I think you are correct...this chick has some pretty serious issues aside from her ReThuglican boyfriend. My (liberal, Jewish) wife and I have been married for over 5 years now. We simply have more important things to deal with and talk about than politics. The only thing I should caveat here is that she is one of those who believe that Obama is a Muslim and has a secret plan to ship the Jews off to the concentration camps. Seriously. My beautiful wife, mother of our children, the liberal Dem. I think she's crazy and simply nod when she brings it up, but try not to encourage her. I just think Obummer is an idiot and a liar. She has lately taken to flipping the bird to his image on the TV or internet. Other than that she is a flaming Lib.

7:25 PM  
Anonymous James said...

Liberal women think that men are pigs because their men are.

-- Ann Coulter

9:15 PM  
Blogger Son Of The Godfather said...

I hear ya, Brother Anonymous... God bless us for our patience. heh ;)

8:44 PM  
Anonymous RWBF said...

The reason I'm dating Sarah is that she smoking hot,gives good head, takes it up the arse, and is as dumb as a bag of rocks to boot. I was thinking of dumping her anyway, and picking up a new fuck puppet at the next pro-abortion rally...Moonbat chicks are easy!!

9:24 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

On the other hand, I think a wingnut girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter) would be a friggin treasure. Why, you ask? Because they love getting fucked in every conceivable way. The possibilities are endless.

Besides the obvious allure they may possess, there are hidden opportunities like this...

ME: Honey?


ME: Who pulls in the bigger paycheck?

WINGNUT: Why you do, you silly wooly beast.

ME: Well then, logic dictates you should take care of the rent and the groceries. And if you have anything left over, you need to give it to me.

WINGNUT: What? But...OK, I guess.

ME: Think of it this way...I'm fucking you right now. And I have a BIG BIG paycheck. Wanna see?

We all know what happens next.

Wingnuts absolutely love to get fucked...on multiple levels. There's something dark and fascinatingly sexy about it. Kind of like "True Blood"!!!

Anyway. I, troglaman, think wingnuts would make for wonderful and satisfying partners.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Troglaman reveals his sensual side (and his inner homo)as he pays homage to Henry Miller.

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

Elrond Hubbard said...

Troglaman reveals his sensual side (and his inner homo)as he pays homage to Henry Miller.

Is that what that spiel is Elrond? I thought Guttersnipe was just having another drunken display of power-slamming his head up his ass to spew worthless mental excrement everywhere....oh well, whatever. As usual Troglaman The Troll is just wasting bandwidth again.

6:20 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

" he pays homage to Henry Miller." elrond

Pretty funny, elrond.

"ME: Think of it this way...I'm fucking you right now. And I have a BIG BIG paycheck. Wanna see?" the mighty trog

I had meant to clarify that wingnuts often don't know they're being fucked and when you tell them, it greatly enhances their enjoyment.

Another plus-mark in the 'reasons to hook up with a wingnut' column if you ask me.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I had meant to clarify that wingnuts often don't know they're being fucked and when you tell them, it greatly enhances their enjoyment."-troglaman

Projection, a new fragrance by Dior.

9:33 AM  

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