Fifth Anniversary Special Edition: Return to Rathergate

Li'l Beaver sez:
"Today is the DUmmie FUnnies' FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!
Ask me anything!"

Yes, boys and girls, it was five years ago TODAY that PJ-Comix started the DUmmie FUnnies as its own stand-alone feature on Free Republic! Since then, the DUFUs have grown to amass the LARGEST ping list on FR--1,037 pingees!--and have spawned a DUmmie FUnnies blog on Blogspot.

And what a FUn ride it's been! We started by satirizing just the DUmmies of Democratic Underground, but PJ has expanded our horizons to take in the KOmmies of Daily Kos and the HUffies of Huffington Post. The Looney Left provides a target-rich environment!

Let's take a little trip down memory lane, shall we? The mere mention of memorable DUFU terms should bring back loads of laffs: Perfect Rovian Storm, BBV Bev, "just $10 away", Pied Piper Pitt, Deconcession Chamber, "I BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!", Crying DUmmie, LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!, Hopi Elders Prayer, Chimpus Khan, Head DUmmie Skinner, DUmmie stevenumbers, Not One D*mn Dime Day, MIHOP, Kewpie Doll, DUmmie Ant Farm, The Andy Stephenson Situation, Scamdy, foliage, sfexpat2000, goodboy, The Day When Everything Finally Changed, DUAC! DUAC!, Pitt in a ditch, fire ants, Lucy pulling away the football, Chimpeachment, Bukowski's, Ty the Bouncer, Peace Love & Tolerance, "Is that you, benburch?", Fitzmas, Freudenschade, Leopold & Lib, Sealed vs. Sealed, 24 business hours. . . . And that's just a small sampling from our first couple years! The list goes on and on.

Our DUFU today, appropriately, brings us back to the beginning. The DUmmie FUnnies began on this date in 2004, and the very first DUFU edition was titled, DUmmie FUnnies 09-22-04 PM Edition (Was Roger Stone Behind Memogate?). As the Fates would have it, today we make a Return to Rathergate, with this current DUmmieland THREAD, "CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit."

But before we get to the DUmmie comments, let's click the music link and sing along with Dan!



THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE DAN AWAY
Tune: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-haaa!"

Remember when I broke the news
How Bush got in the Guard
And didn't have to leave
To go to Vietnam?
Well . . .

I pushed that story hard
Just weeks before Election Day
And so of course you know
The thoughts I had in my mind
Like . . .

They're going to give me a prize, Ha-ha!
They're going to give me a prize, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a journalist
Who helps the Democrats all the time
And I'll be happy to put
That nice award
In my trophy case
And they're going to give me a prize, Ha-haaa!

You thought it was a fake
And so you cringed
You cringed when people said
That superscript was not done at that time
Right . . .

The people laughed, I heard them laugh
They laughed, they laughed and laughed
You made me leave
But now you know I'm Rather upset!
So . . .

I'm going to take you to court, Ha-ha!
I'm going to take you to court, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
For a tidy sum
Like six--no, seventy million bucks
And put me back on the Evening News
And make all the viewers watch
And I'm going to take you to court, Ha-haaa!

I read your news
I gave my views
And this is how you pay me back
For all my years of bold unbiased news?!
Hah . . .

Well, you just wait
I'll find the proof
And when I do
They'll know that Dan is not some sort of old unbalanced nut!
'Cause . . .

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha!
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho, Hee-hee, Ha-ha!
To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the anchor desk
With lights and cameras and breaking news
And four producers who sit and smile
And tell me that I'm the best
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the Kinko's store
Where fake but accurate faxes fly
And I'll be happy to see
Those daring scoops
Come across my desk
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

And now, without further aDU, we go to the DUmmies, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, aka the Wag Tailoring the Doggerel, filling in for the Big Guy, PJ--who is probably celebrating the DUFU anniversary even as we speak by feasting on Jamaican jerk chicken and Flor de Caña rum with Li'l Beaver at DUFU Mansion--is in the [brackets]:

CBS loses bid to dismiss Dan Rather lawsuit

[So now . . . now . . . the truth will finally come out . . . and we can finally impeach Bush--and Cheney! . . . and, and . . . TO THE HAGUE WITH THEM!!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!]

A New York judge on Monday rejected CBS Corp's bid to dismiss former TV news anchor Dan Rather's $70 million lawsuit claiming he was fired over a controversial election-year report on former President George W. Bush's Vietnam War-era military service. New York State Supreme Court Justice Ira Gammerman set a December 22 hearing in the case and directed that testimony be taken from witnesses, including Sumner Redstone, the chairman of Viacom Inc, which controlled CBS at the time. "Let's get this case moving," Gammerman said. "I would really like to get this case ready for trial."

[Oh please. Oh PLEASE!! OHPLEASE OHPLEASE OH PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!]

Unfortunately, they will not be individually held responsible... They probably have it written into their contracts that they are indeminified.

[DEMIN!]

Tell that to Kenny Lay. Or Bernie Maddow. Or lots of others.

[Did Rachel Maddow finally get the operation?]

Great news!

[Get out the champagne!]

Go get 'em Dan-o!

[Break 'em, Dan-o!]

I hope Dan wins big time. Also the truth comes out about bu$h's missing 2 years. . . . I know that and you know that, but the real world is still in denial.

[DUmmieland is the Reality-Based Community®.]

This could be interesting!

[This could be HUGH! Keep telling yourself that, as you wait for the Great Pumpkin to appear.]

Good, now they get started.

["Started"?? Why, Rather has already won the case! The verdict has just been sealed for now.]

Money is not the issue here. . . .

[That's why Dan is only asking for a paltry $70 mil.]

I want to know who set up Rather and Mapes (the producer).

[Karl Rove, of course.]

YAY!

[WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Excellent. I am SO rooting for Dan Rather in this case.

[Freudenschade, baby!]

Will Rather ever get tired of this lawsuit? Never ending.

[Just hold on another 24 business hours.]

Bizarre post.

[Me like bizarre post! Bizarre post am good!]

Yup, very bizarre. There's a lot of bizarre going around on DU.

[One kewpie doll, on the way!]

The freepers all still think Rather tried to frame Bush with fake docs. . . .

[Fake but accurate. Just ask Mary Tyler Mapes, Girl Journalist.]

Discovery should be AWESOME.

[Did Dan get a job at the Discovery Channel?]

Dan, the man, is on a mission.

[Gunga Dan is on the move!]

I love you, Dan Rather!

[Is that you, Mary Mapes/Dan Rather/benburch?]

I think someone planted the computer generated version.

[A Perfect Rovian Form.]

GO DAN! . . . IT'S ABOUT TIME!

[Pop those champagne corks, people!!!]

As witnessed by Katie Couric's interview with Glenn Beck. Why would CBS lend credence to a raving lunatic?

[Good question. Katie is a bit of a nut, isn't she? Why are they lending her credence?]

Oh, Danny Boy . . .

[The Mapes, the Mapes, are bawling. . . .]

Go go to trial!

[BEEP! BEEP!]