Thursday, August 20, 2009

DUmmies Hail Inspector Barack Clouseau™



Remember the bumbling Inspector Jacques Clouseau of Pink Panther fame? No matter what mistakes he made, such as falling over a sofa, he gravely claimed it was all part of his master plan in his investigation. Well, the DUmmies have the same attitude about Obama. They believe that his political fumbling is all part of some sort of ingenious master plan known only to him. Yes, the president has beome the Inspector Barack Clouseau™ for the DUmmies as you can see in this THREAD, "Barack Obama, You FOOLED ME, And I Apologize." Yes, the DUmmies are apologizing for thinking of Obama as he really is, a political incompetent, and are now trying to convince themselves that the president is really bumbling on purpose as part of some ingenious master plan unknown to the rest of us mortals. So let us now watch the DUmmies heap praise on Inspector Barack Clouseau™ in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, looking for some artistic type out there to provide an Inspector Barack Clouseau™ graphic, is in the [barackets]:


Barack Obama, You FOOLED ME, And I Apologize

[Barack, you magnificent bastard!!!]

Damn.

John Stewart was right.

You're a f*cking Jedi Knight ten steps ahead of everybody f*cking else.

[May the Farce be with you.]

You KNEW what was going to happen at those town hall meetings during the slow news month of August.

You KNEW the Republicans would start feeling confident that they could knock you out while they had you on the ropes.

You KNEW whacked out Birthers and Deathers and Teabaggers were going to project their ignorant assed bullshit on eveyrbody.

And I'll even bet you KNEW Charles "I Tweet Dumb Shit" Grassley would f*cking BRAG about how he wasn't negotiating in good faith.

["I know I fell off the sofa, Madame. There’s no need to tell me—everything I do is carefully planned, Madame." ]

Well, August is now more than half over.

You already have the chief REpublican negotiator for bipartisanship in health care reform saying he wasn't negotiating in good faith, AND THEN ADMITTING THERE WAS NO WAY HE'D VOTE FOR ANY BILL!

Your ducks are all in a row.

[DUAC! DUAC!]

You now have every right to say, "we negotiated in good faith with the Republicans to develop health care reform legislation. You now have the chief negotiator bragging about how he wasn't negotiating in good faith but was rather using some sort of stalling tactic to slow down the legislation and even admitting there is no bill we could come up with that he'd vote for. Health care reform is simply too important for this kind of gamesmanship, so the Democratic Caucus in the Congress now has no choice but to go it alone. We'll now develop the legislation that Democrats can vote for and pass that however we have to."

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

Masterful.

The Force is STRONG in you!

[Sayeth the Jedi kNUt.]

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

[You are forgiven my son. Now go and spin some more...]

Yes, every single thing that HAS HAPPENED was part of HIS PLAN. Brilliant!

[Including falling over the Oval Office sofa. Brilliant!]

He's a chess player, always 10 moves ahead of his opponents

[Only 10 moves? Piker! Make that a full dozen moves ahead of his opponents.]

Oh, how I hope you're right.

[Don't worry. Tinker Bell will sprinkle pixie dust upon Inspector Barack Clouseau™ and then will be all right in the world.]

The rope-a-dope wins again--I hope. I truly believe Obama, in his heart of hearts, wants a Medicare-esque plan--and he knows just how to get it. Still, I'm crossing my fingers just in case.

[And don't forget to rub that rabbit's foot while you're at it.]

Hope Springs Eternal

[MERRY FITZMAS!!!]

I'm not making any judgments of any kind about Obama until we see the final product. Then it'll be easy to tell if he's championed our ideals or sold us out, because it will already have happened one way or another. Anything else at this point is akin to leaving the stadium in the 7th inning.

[It will all come together beautifully in just 24 business hours.]

He's got 'em HYPNOTIZED!!!

[Look deeeeply into my eyes. Your mind is as empty as a DUmmie.]

What's better is the grass roots gets to claim the victory

Because we've all been gaga for three months emailing, phoning, and snail mailing everybody and their brothers about this. So now we get to feel all warm and fuzzy about OUR victory and ahve even more of a sense of connection to the process, investing even more of ourselves in the future of Democratic politics. It's f*cking brilliance.

[I always suspected that Inspector Barack Clouseau™ ripping up the pool table felt with his cue stick at his press conferences was all part of his brilliant grand plan.]

Talk about rope-a-dope. This should be the standard forever more.

[Yes, dope-a-dope will be studied for many years to come.]

You've just raised my confidence level considerably. He knows what he's doing, and when to come out hitting hard. I think the time has come--and he knows it.

["Now to set the trap, catch the killer and prove to the world that Maria Gambrelli is innocent... of murder. We must accelerate out training program. You must learn to attack me whenever and wherever I least expect it. And you, you must give no quarter."]

Stay tuned folks, this man is no amateur.

["Facts, Hercule, facts! Nothing matters but the facts. Without them the science of criminal investigation is nothing more than a guessing game." ]

So you're saying Obama intentionally made himself look weak, intentionally made his administration seem disorganized, and intentionally pissed off the base while failing to court any conservatives?

[Absolutely. All is going according to the grand plan of Inspector Barack Clouseau™.]

I hope with all of my heart that you are right.

[Pray fervently to goddess Gaia.]

I'll withhold judgement until it's over. Been burned too many times

[So how much did Bev Harris burn you for and did you enjoy your Fitzmas festivities?]

If Obama pulls this off: I WILL CONCIEVE ANOTHER CHILD JUST TO NAME IT BARACK. Or Barackalina, as necessary.

[Posted the hopeful DUmmie from the barackish depths.]

41 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is ripe for some drivel from lil' troggy.
Put the Legos down, troggy, and come upstairs.
We soooo want to see you make a fool of yourself again.

Skul

6:54 PM  
Blogger PJ-Comix said...

Troglaman™. An exclusive product of the DUmmie FUnnies.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

"If Obama pulls this off: I WILL CONCIEVE ANOTHER CHILD JUST TO NAME IT BARACK. Or Barackalina, as necessary."

I pity this child, because after obama goes down as the worst president ever, that child will be stuck with that name forever. What a burden to place on a poor innocent child.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PJ, I couldn't disagree with you more! Obama is NOT like Inspector Clouseau! No, this scenario reminds me more of Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House screaming "All is well!" as the masses run past him in a panic. Except I'm not sure if Kevin Bacon is Obama or the DUmmies in this scenario.

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Shambhala said...

Where is the syphilitic chimp?
I'm amazed he/she/it hasnt shown up to fling crap.

Stay tuned folks, this man is no amateur.

Hope springs eternal in Troglaman's mind.

10:31 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"They believe that his political fumbling is all part of some sort of ingenious master plan known only to him. Yes, the president has beome the Inspector Barack Clouseau™" PJinc

You're such a tool, PJ. Jesus.

"Troglaman™. An exclusive product of the DUmmie FUnnies." PJinc

Indeed.

Oh what a lucky man he was.

11:30 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

Skul, you're about as scary as a lactating bison.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous DumbAss Tanker said...

Wow, kinda early to be declaring victory in the Congressional process, innit? What's that smell wafting out of the Kongressional Kitchens? Smells like...
Freudenschade!

8:26 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

There's troggy with his bison buddies again. I tell ya, he must live with them. He is stuck on stupid and stuck on bison.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Tennessee Budd said...

Notice that the DUmmie just said "conceive" a child, not "give birth to." Wonder if the naming ceremony's going to be before or after the abortion?

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh, too easy.

Lil' troggy just can't resist.
What a pithy come-back you have there little man.

Skul

1:39 PM  
Anonymous James McEnanly said...

The major difference between Barack Obama and Inspector Clouseau is that eventually Clouseau always got his man.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't this same group claim to never again be fooled by obambi...2 days ago? Wow, the schizophrenia is strong in this one.

3:59 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"There's troggy with his bison buddies again. I tell ya, he must live with them. He is stuck on stupid and stuck on bison." susieq2buffalocutie

You're my bison buddies, dumbass.

And you're right. I spend entirely too much time with you dimwads who's shaggy intellect can't get past the whole 'herd instinct' sort of thing. You're incapable of anything else. You're cows. Zebras. Muskox. Dealing with you ideologically empty jerked-assed fart-faces is about as fulfilling as farming oysters. You're worse than bison. You're clams. You're inspired by rocks and sand.

Why I, troglaman, even take the time to converse with you mollusks is as much a mystery to me as it may be to you. Never the less, I do it. I think it's because you secretly like porn as much as I do. So far, it's just a theory of mine but I'm getting close to proving it. And yes, it has something to do with clams and oysters and the rest of your shellfish fantasies you fucking perverts.

3:06 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Well, troggy, don't let the door hit you in the ass. Buh-bye!

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Troglaman,

Have you been gargling with the bong water again? Try a couple of Midols. Be nice to your inner homo, treat him (her?) to a movie. Keep away from hooved animals. Write if you get work.

Unlike you, my only fantasy about clams and oysters involves eating them on the half shell with a little fresh pepper and a splash of lemon juice.

6:46 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Have you been gargling with the bong water again? Try a couple of Midols. Be nice to your inner homo, treat him (her?) to a movie." elrond

Thanks elrond. And you're damn right about my inner homo - HE has been neglected for far too long. What are you doing next Saturday? I'll bring the fresh pepper and splash of lemon...and both a clam and an oyster. All for you.

(Asshole hat off - I, troglaman, don't know where you live but if you have access to an Anthony's, try the sampler. Unintelligent designed heaven)

12:33 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Well, troggy, don't let the door hit you in the ass. Buh-bye!" susie

Well you were the one claiming the bison friends I was hanging out with were oh so stupid. Then you found out, my dear poor susie, you were the bison you were referring to. Get it?

I, troglaman, will make you a deal. You admit you're as stupid you inferred you were and I'll say "Buh-bye".

Come on. Take one for the team.

12:46 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Hope springs eternal in Troglaman's mind." sham

Yes. And you know what that nasty little hope is, don't you? Something to do with masturbating in front of humans perhaps?

(sham's idea, not mine. If you put everything he says in the loose context of his pink little dwiddly-doo, it all makes a strange kind of sense)

1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My, my, looks like the little man got his thong in a wad again.
Please try to do better troggy.
Your last attempts are really quite pathetic.
Be a good lad, and try one more time. You can do it.

Skul

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Troggy,

Exiled to the Midwest, I limit my shellfish orgies to my visits to family on Long Island. There are restaurants and saloons on the east end where you can sit at the bar and order fresh clams and oysters on the half shell or a bowl of mussels in wine/garlic sauce. Ohmigod.

Living in flyover country, I avoid things on a shell which are only technically fresh.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Troglaman,

The conversation is supposed to start out referencing the blog post and then gently veer away into irrelevant tangents. Eventually having nothing to do with the DUmmies recent tomfoolery. It's the law of the blogosphere.

Seeing as how you've forgone the polite steps of the conversation and jumped straight into your frothy-mouthed-carnival-geek stage I must take you to task. Your ability to be easily baited (though funny) is ultimately sad.

I think the only thing left to you is calling us racists due to some imagined "code words". They seem to be the current excuse the left is using for it's inability to confront dissent.

Forgive me if you've already started calling us racists and I just haven't noticed.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Anon 4:36, you are so correct about baiting troggy. I, for one, do not care what he thinks or pontificates about. If troggy said the sky was blue, I would automatically look for black clouds. But, it is so much fun to bait him and then reel him in. What do I care what he thinks...it's just fun to read his pathetic replies and/or explosions. He thinks calling us names (I'm stupid, now) will win us over. How sad is that? When all is aaid and done he is nothing special, just a typical Dummie.

5:46 PM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

sorry, 'said".

5:47 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Living in flyover country, I avoid things on a shell which are only t retain your ideoligol echnically fresh." elrond

Think the same applies to corn and wheat? Because I'm pretty sure I eat a lot of corn and wheat from your neck of the woods.

Anyway...you let me know if you come out here. Or anywhere close. Dinner's on me even if I'm not there. The left side (west coast) may not be as bad as you think. Especially if you like fresh oysters. No irony intended.

2:10 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Your ability to be easily baited (though funny) is ultimately sad." fucking anon

Then let yourself go, my friend. Feel my pain.

It may be hard to understand this, but you've proven to me, on this very night, that you're an empathic homo.

I love you too (says MY inner homo whom I, troglaman, am desperately trying to throttle into subservience).

2:31 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"If troggy said the sky was blue, I would automatically look for black clouds" woosie susie

No admission of herd mentality there.

"I, for one, do not care what he thinks or pontificates about." anything but stupid susie

susie's not going to take one for the team. She could've gotten rid of the mighty troglaman forever and she didn't do it. Instead she hypnotizes us with cleverly phrased statements like..."But, it is so much fun to bait him and then reel him in."

Au contraire.

Still waiting, suz.

3:11 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

You can wait till the cows (oops, in your case, bison) come home. Why would be want to get rid of you anyway, troggy. You're like a breathe of fresh stench to us.

6:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

....and little troggy gets beat up by a girl. Heh

Skul

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Jerome Goolsby said...

If you study the comments of Troglaman - The Official Hate-Mongering Anti-American Guttersnipe of the DUmmie FUnnies Blog Site - closely, you can tell he's taken some really deep slugs from his fifths of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels.

Maybe a switch to Johnny Walker will make him more tolerable. It's already a mortal lock that he will never be coherent, not as many times as he's power-slammed his head up his ass.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Then let yourself go, my friend. Feel my pain.

It may be hard to understand this, but you've proven to me, on this very night, that you're an empathic homo." -troglaman

Jerome, suzieq2cute, I see what you mean. And you may be right. Alcoholism is a very likely explanation for his utter incoherence. Poor shmoe.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"It's already a MORTAL LOCK that he will never be coherent" bold-assed jerome

Mortal lock? Soooooo scary. What was it you were saying about being coherent?

jerome's a gamer. Who the fuck else would say something like "mortal lock"?

"Before heading to area 233-B to obtain the MORTAL LOCK, be sure to consult with the Queen of Dwarfs who will give you the MORTAL KEY."

I, troglaman, am the Queen of Dwarfs, jerome. The KEY to the MORTAL LOCK lies with me.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you stupid shit.

2:17 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Why would be want to get rid of you anyway, troggy. You're like a breathe of fresh stench to us." susie

You like breathing fresh troglamatic stench? Good for you!!

Cute Susie had an opportunity to rid you all of a fresh troglamatic scourge and now she represents you by saying...you all like it.

I'm sure she's right.

Never the less, she's a pussy.

It's still not too late, susie.

2:30 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Oh, my word, troggy, I'm so sorry you misunderstood me....I meant that your opinions had a certain stench about them. You thought I was referring to you as a person; that you had a certain stench about you? Gee, so right here on Dummie Funnies you've admitted that you and your opinions do stink. I wasn't talking about a pysical stench.....but I guess we finally have proof of that old adage; we actually have a relic here. Bless his little heart, troggy is a typical aging, stinky hippie.

3:33 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

sorry "physical" (must remind myself to proofread)

3:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dummies are pathetic. One sordid little 'gesture politics' maneuver by the whitehouse to distract from the health care debacle (and shore up a couple of points with the gullible base), and the dummies are extrapolating it into Cheney and Bush in chains at the Hauge. Where do these infantile flights of fantasy come from? Are these people really this desperate and stupid?

No matter how many times they get kicked in the balls, they just keep bleating for more.

What happened to Fitzmas, dummies?

8:41 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Gee, so right here on Dummie Funnies you've admitted that you and your opinions do stink." susie

And you've admitted liking my stench.

"You're like a breathe of fresh stench to us." 2cutesusietroglamanticsmellmiester

Another unexpected victory. I'm 2 for 2 this thread, motherfuckers.

1:03 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Like I said, so you've admitted you and your opinions stink.

5:48 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Like I said, so you've admitted you and your opinions stink." aromatic susie

I've only admitted you like my stench.

Which you do. Or else you would've gotten rid of troglaman when you had the chance. But you didn't.

Your opinions as to what stinks around here have to do with your own hole.

You don't have the guts to NOT stink. You're a passive stinky stinker. You rot quietly while pretending to stink less than me - a hairy tick-infested caveman.

Your parents must be proud.

Admit you're bison and I'm gone.

Step up little cutie-pie. Make us all proud.

1:16 AM  
Anonymous susieq2cute said...

Oh my word, do you realize how stupid and immature you sound? Next, you'll be challenging me to a fight on the playground. Are you off your meds, or just off your rocker?

6:40 AM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

She's unwilling to do it.

Just so you all know.

3:10 AM  

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