Monday, December 08, 2008

DUmmie Tips For Frugal Living

You want a good tip on how to infiltrate DUmmieland by building up your posts there without outing yourself? Start off by posting to non-political topics like this THREAD titled, "Cheap stuff for frugal living ( add yours )." Get enough posts built up on threads like these and, who knows, you could even end up as a trusted DUmmie moderator (hee! hee!). For me, such a thread is easy to infiltrate since I have TONS of frugal living tips. The biggest tip is GO TO FLEA MARKETS. Yeah, I was at a flea market on Saturday morning and bought 4 brand new Hawaiian shirts for just 3 bucks each. How the vendor was able to sell them so cheap I don't know but perhaps his load of Sears shirts with the $30 dollar tags still on them "fell" out of the back of the truck. Who knows? Oh, and just two vendors away from that guy somebody was selling HUMONGOUS avocados for just a buck each. Of course, that deal didn't beat the 4 avocados for a buck that were selling at another flea market just a few days after Hurricane Katrina blew them off the trees in 2005. I could go on and on over this topic but I shall do so in my DUFU of this DUmmie thread but you see how easy it is to infiltrate DUmmieland by giving yourself a high posting rating in the non-political threads. So let us now watch the DUmmies give each other frugal living tips in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who keeps his Winn-Dixie discount card on his key chain, is in the [brackets]:

Cheap stuff for frugal living ( add yours )

[I already did in DUmmieland and now here again.]

f you don't have one already, get a a few more meals at home.

[Crock-pots for Crack-pots.]

I cooked some cabbage and smoked sausage in the crock pot for about 6 hours the other night, and my wife damn near divorced me over the smell permeating the whole house.

[Speaking of sausages, did I mention that I bought a whole bunch of Johnsonville brats at just $1.50 per pack at my secret food discount store?]

I love cooked greens. Have you had ribolita soup? Italian cabbage soup.

[Nope. And I never had aragula salad. Yuppie liberal trend food.]

Crock pots... are one of those things that sounds good and you really wish would work, but they don't

[Hmmm... Crock pots sound just like liberal government programs.]

NEVER eating out...never eating out has saved us more than anything. I don't waste food, I use coupons and looks for deals and stuff, and in the Spring and Summer I grow veggies, I have a freezer full of tomato sauces I made when it was warmer. It takes up time but I also pack husband's lunch and cook breakfast every day. At first he thought I was just being cheap but now that he's seen what it saves us he's into it! Besides the bills food is our main expense so we save all we can now. We're okay as long as his car doesn't give out *fingers crossed*

[NEVER? That shows what a DUmmie you are. You can eat out for just as cheap (or cheaper) than eating at home. My wife and I go to the casino whenever they have the $5.99 2 for 1 prime rib buffet dinners. Three bucks each to gorge on prime rib and other chow. Trying eating prime rib that cheap at home. Also there are plenty of great restaurant coupons in the freebie newspapers.]

The only time I go to restaurants now is when my husband's parents are buying. I always order the cheapest thing, or just a salad and a side of peas or something. His family thinks I'M the strange one!

["I'll just have a glass of water and a couple of rolls even though I'm not paying nor tipping."]

A couple scoops of ice cream, cup-and-a-half or so of milk and a couple squirts of choc. syrup in the blender makes a delicious shake for much less.

[Even cheaper me since I can get a half gallon of Edy's or Dreyers ice cream at my secret food place.]

Chick Peas are really good, too. Mashed with lemon and yoghurt and in salads to fill them out and even mixed with some fresh spinach, yoghurt, cucumbers, sliced red onion and baby tomato on pita bread. Filling and nutritional.

[Pardon me for preferring a good ol' T-bone steak for dinner.]

I take home hotel soaps Last trip to vegas, they gave us a big ole suite with soaps all over the place.. the kitchen the shower the tub the double sinks in the bathroom... & I asked a maid for extras..

[And don't forget the great deals on stolen hotel towels!]

I've been solar cooking for ages. It makes even cheap frozen food taste a lot better!

[Have you ever tried solar tanning?]

The problem with the sunday coupons (aside from the fact that I no longer get a paper) is that they are usually for a lot of processed and canned stuff that I don't eat anyway, or cleaning products that I don't use. It's good when they have sales on produce, but generally speaking the only coupons I use are for toothpaste.

[The problem with sunday coupons is that they don't DOUBLE them in Florida like they did in California. I would often buy about 10 bucks worth of groceries for just a buck or two when I lived in La-La Land. Oh, how I miss my Frank Sinatra spaghetti sauce that I bought for just a few cents with my doubled dollar coupon! And the Mennen BO sticks that I purchased for just 19 cents with my doubled coupons. Moving to Florida took most of the FUn out of coupon clipping. I still can't figure out why California stores doubles coupons whereas this practice is non-existent in Florida.]

I once made the paper when I "bought" $427.00 in groceries for $7 & change

[Not bad. There was a store in California that TRIPLED the coupons a couple of times a year so something near to that was possible there. I think I bought about $400 worth of stuff for about $50 whenever the tripling was in effect.]

When I was in med school, they showed us an x-ray of someone with a Jart firmly embedded in his or her skull. EEK!!

[Ben Burch had the same problem only the Jart was embedded in the other end from the skull.]

Definitely garden. Besides, the vegetables you get are much better than what you buy in the store. If you have limited space or only a sunny deck, a couple of Earthboxes will allow you to grow lots of tomatoes and squashes.

[My homeowner's association doesn't allow gardens. That is why in about a month I'll be buying up watermelon seeds and planting them in empty fields (hidden behind bushes) so they can be ready by summer. I even scoped out one field about a hundred yards from a police station just for the danger thrill.]

More and more people are getting rid of landlines.

[About three years ago, I suddenly realized that I NEVER use my landline phone. It felt strange for the first day after I got rid of it but haven't missed it since then. Cellphone all the way for me!]

Try this--get a bottle of lemon juice concentrate. I get 2 huge ones at Sam's for 3 bucks. Put half a cup of the juice in a pitcher along with sugar or splenda (or molasses, if you can stand it--it's got lots of B vitamins) Fill th pitcher with water for lemonade which can slake your juice cravings for a fraction of the cost. Sometimes I stir in a little raspberry jam, if I have some, for a special flavor treat.

[And don't forget to stir in the rum concentrate.]

We got Magic Jack a couple of months ago! There are some quirks but it is a good home phone solution.

[I've seen a lot of those commercials but what would I need it for if I have a cellphone?]

what gets me about chicken is that a raw or frozen whole chicken costs more than the precooked rotissery chickens that the grocery stores have. At one point on sale, it was 20 cents cheaper than the already cooked one. I would have used more than 20 cents worth of energy to cook the thing.

[I bought a whole lemon pepper rotisserie chicken the other day for $3.99 with my Winn-Dixie card.]

I do not rent movies anymore. We go to the public library and check them out for free.

[And the books are free too at the library.]

You can burn human feces for warmth. Being heavy on carbon, it holds heat well.

[Great tip...if you have no sense of smell.]

we eat a lot of corn and other vegies here, and when I threw a turd on the fireplace, the undigested kernels exploded, setting my friend's hair on fire.

[Yeah, another unpleasant side-effect of using turds for fuel.]

_ _ _ _ _


Charles Henrickson here, the wag tailoring the doggerel. Here's a little something from out of my crockpot:

Tune: "The Christmas Song" Original

Feces burning as a fossil fuel
Crackpots whipping out their woes
Offline Jarts being stuck in your skull
And food that never gets unfroze

Every DUmmie knows
Some chick peas and a sloppy joe
Help to keep the prices right
Fiery friends with their hair all aglow
Will find it hard to live the night

They know that DUmmies lead the way
In having lots of nutty goofy things to say
Watch every mother's child in basements try
To see if roadkill really tastes good to fry

And so I'm offering this simple meme
To kids from over at DU
If you want ideas
That will work like a dream
DUmmie FUnnies will do. . . .


Check out the Viper Sunglasses above. Ol' PJ used to spend several years on the road from May to October doing nothing but selling these Vipers with the super dark lens at NASCAR races all around the country. They were EXTREMELY popular. I used to sell at least 500 pairs at each race. And now I again have these same Vipers available for you. Only $6.95 total including shipping. I absolutely guarantee you will love these Vipers or your money back. Show your support for the DUmmie FUnnies by purchasing these Vipers. 100% UV protection plus impact resistant lenses. They are absolutely the most comfortable sunglasses you will ever wear. So hit that "Buy Now" button to purchase one or more pairs via PayPal or most other credit cards. You WON'T be sorry.


Anonymous Anon 1:50 said...

Living frugally is it's own reward. Not only can you manage a healthful lifestyle, but saving a few bucks is always a good thing.

I don't understand why these posters seem to imagine that they're due some sort of acclaim, admiration and pity for their 'suffering'.

It rather reminds me of militant vegetarians. They deny what God (or millions of years of evolution, if you prefer) has made man (omnivore), and then claim a halo for their cupidity.


10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crock pots... are one of those things that sounds good and you really wish would work, but they don't

Man, you gotta be off-the-charts retarded if you can't cook something in a crock pot. Even an old shoe would come out tasting great. Prolly hung in there for 30 minutes and gave up.

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Prolly hung in there for 30 minutes and gave up." -anon 3:37pm

Yeah, it's not like staring at the microwave and saying "COME ON, COME ON!"

The Grocery Game is a fun way to (as those adorable liberals say) "Stick it to the Man". It does work if you stick with it. Often you end up getting some things for free. My problem was getting lazy and not keeping up with three months worth of coupons.

6:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was me, Corona. Damn Blog/Google crap.

Avoid coupons if you can. I'm sure the next Admin will be tracking them like NHS.

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Smitty said...

The Dummies don't have to scrimp and save; with Obama in the White House, their gas tanks will always be full and their mortgages current.

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Gregory said...

I've burned alot of crap in my fireplace but never ACTUAL CRAP.

9:19 PM  
Anonymous mandible claw said...

You can burn human feces for warmth. Being heavy on carbon, it holds heat well.

we eat a lot of corn and other vegies here, and when I threw a turd on the fireplace, the undigested kernels exploded, setting my friend's hair on fire.

Why is it that even when discussing something so mundane as saving money on food, libtards inexorably get to the point where they cross over into the realms of the bizarre, disgusting, surreal and unhygienic.

3:43 AM  

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