"Randi Rhodes is the Victim of a Violent Attack"

Okay, I admit it. I am the one who mugged Randi Rhodes. I had to silence her voice because Randi, via her radio show, was making such a huge impact on the electorate. Using money from a secret Rovian source I flew up to New York and accosted her on the street. Oops! You mean Randi Rhodes was NOT mugged? Damn that is so inconvenient for the DUmmies who had a field day alleging all sort of rightwing conspiracies to take Randi out of action as you can see in this THREAD incorrectly titled, "Randi Rhodes is the Victim of a Violent Attack." It is FUn to read their conspiratorial allegations only to be followed by a giant "OOPS!" when the inconvenient truth is finally revealed later in the thread. Freudenschade Baby! As for me mugging Randi Rhodes, it would never happen. Why? Because I am the one who first brought national exposure to Randi Rhodes when she was still local in Palm Beach country broadcasting to a handful of constipated Condo Commandos. I kid you not. You can see a January 2004 e-mail from Randi to me expressing her love in this Free Republic THREAD. Additionally you can see an excerpt from an Al Gore At The Movies review in which I referenced the then unknown Randi and RECOMMENDED her for a national show which did happen shortly afterwards when she was picked up by Air America. Since I feel like I was the one that caused Randi to get her big national radio gig break, why would I want to end it especially since her antics provide such rich DUFU fodder? So let us now watch the DUmmies engage in conspiratorial theories about Randi's "mugging" in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suspecting that the real culprit in Randi's injury was named John Barleycorn, is in the [brackets]:

Randi Rhodes is the Victim of a Violent Attack

[Rightwing Freepers were behind the attack. Case closed!]

Randi Rhodes was mugged on Sunday night on 39th Street and Park Ave, nearby her Manhattan apartment, while she was walking her dog Simon.

[Knowing about Randi's enthusiasm for the fermented spirits I would say it was more of a case of her dog Simon walking Randi.]

According to Air America Radio late night host Jon Elliott, Rhodes was beaten up pretty badly, losing several teeth and will probably be off the air for at least the rest of the week. At of late Monday night we have not able to locate any press accounts of the attack and nothing has been posted on the AAR website.

[A Perfect Rovian Attack.]

Elliott was extremely agitated when he reported on the incident. He opened his show by saying "it is with sadness that tonight I inform you that my Air America colleague Randi Rhodes was assaulted last night while walking her dog near her New York City home." Pointing out that Rhodes was wearing a jogging suit and displayed no purse or jewelry, Elliott speculated that "this does not appear to me to be a standard grab the money and run mugging."

[Jon Elliott is a Randi Rhodes mugging Truther.]

"Is this an attempt by the right wing hate machine to silence one of our own," he asked. "Are we threatening them. Are they afraid that we're winning. Are they trying to silence intimidate us." Some of blog posters also expressed concerns that the attack on Rhodes was hate crime. Other posters warned that we need more facts before any judgements are made.

[Hate crime. Case closed. No need to investigate further. Rightwing Freepers are GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!!! And now to hear more hilarious Randi Rhodes mugging conspiracy theories from the rest of the DUmmies...]

39th and Park? Odd place for a mugging these days

[Which is exactly why we chose that place for the mugging.]

I really hope the attackers are identified and arrested soon. We need to determine if this was random or not. I have the sick feeling she was targeted. I hope I'm wrong.

[You're right. Randi was targeted by the evil rightwing John Barleycorn.]

Let's wait for more facts. She might have known her attacker - or she could have been targeted - or something else. 39th and Park is near Grand Central Station.

[Also near a lot of bars.]

You're right. I hope the attackers are arrested soon, so we get the facts and don't have to speculate.

[Good news! John Barleycorn has been arrested and is now in custody.]

Nothing in the article says she informed the police

[Because John Barleycorn cast an evil spell over Randi and made her incoherent.]

Maybe I jumped to a conclusion, but if I'd been attacked and had my teeth knocked out, I'd have called 911. I wish we'd get a real report or news story on this. The mysterious silence by AAR just makes for incredible speculation.


[And also makes for an incredible DUFU edition.]

Here's what I have on Randi, from AAR:

October 16-NEW YORK-On Sunday evening, October 14, Air America host Randi Rhodes experienced an unfortunate incident hindering her from hosting her show. The reports of a presumed hate crime are unfounded. Ms. Rhodes looks forward to being back on the air on Thursday.

[NOOOOOO!!!!! We must not be denied our conspiracy theories!!!]

It looks like Eliot got carried away, and in turn he gave many of us reason to get carried away

[Freudenschade, baby!]

What does all of this prove? That we all have blind spots, and that we can all get carried away.. Of course, the reality of Bushies being mentally similar to Nazis doesn't make staying calm and collected after something like this happens.

[Blame Bush! Even when it's not his fault.]

*****RANDI WAS NOT MUGGED****** Let's get this out there.

[KILLJOY!!!]

Police Release Composite Sketches of Suspects in Randi Rhodes Assault

[Yup! The sketch looks exactly like John Barleycorn.]

that area is covered with dozens of security cameras

[Randi will soon be appearing on "America's FUnniest Home Videos."]

To shut her up about this Administration, you'd pretty much have to kill her.

[Or place distilled liquids near her.]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if it was deliberate, because of her views. Last week she was going after the freepers pretty harshly.

[We contracted with John Barleycorn to shut her up.]

Goddamed Freeper No Doubt !

[No doubt about it. Case closed.]

Ah shit. for the yellin' lady. Heal quickly, RR.


[That was Pied Piper Pitt making sure to place his mark on this thread. Also another loon very familiar with John Barleycorn.]

I blame the thugs! And it isn't unreasonable, considering the political climate these last few years, that someone might be angry at Randi or any liberal talk show host!

[We are incredibly threatened by their tiny ratings.]

They knocked out teeth went for her MOUTH - how much plainer can it get - someone was trying to shut her up - you know she is one of the mouthiest of "progressive" talk show hosts - and she has been on THE tv more than most - it seems pretty obvious to me - Mike Malloy and the others need to watch their backs....I put NOTHING past these people

[Yes, it couldn't be plainer. Your analysis is spot on.]

The fact that they knocked out her teeth speaks volumes. Sick bastards.

[We told John Barleycorn to take out her vocal chords but we'll settle for just the teeth.]

I hope there's something to catch this bastard.

[Check out those fingerprints on the empty beer bottles and cocktail glasses.]

Your suggestion of checking for surveillance cameras is very good, and I would think that the police have thought of this. God, I hope there were witnesses or maybe someone with a cellphone camera. I hope Mark Green goes the extra mile, and spends money on investigators, added security and whatever is necessary to find these thugs and keep Air America talent safe.

[Yes, I would love to see the video of that Randi Rhodes "mugging." It would make for the FUnniest video on YouTube in a long time.]

This may be a hate crime.

[And Morton Downey Jr's mugging may have been real too.]

This makes me heartsick and at the same time pisses me the
f*ck off. I want whoever did this found RIGHT NOW!!! The NYC police department better not f*ck this up.


[I told you. The culprit is John Barleycorn.]

They really hurt her. It wasn't about robbing her. I
haven't heard if she was assaulted sexually, but that hasn't been my impression. If it wasn't money and it wasn't rape, then why?

[Randi Rhodes was sexually assaulted with a ten foot pole.]

Freepers have guts when they are five-to-one attacking an unsuspecting woman. Just like the Nazis before them.

[It was actually just one Barleycorn but Randi's "condition" made her see five of them.]

But this does look like (to me, anyway) a pissed off, agitated wing-nut (or nuts) who did this. Knocked out some teeth? Perhaps to shut her up. Wing-nuts, if you've heard Randi talk, the girl WILL NEVER STOP TALKING. She will be going after you goose-steppers again in no time. Truth always wins out over violence.

[And you will be mighty embarrassed by the truth. Freudenschade, baby!]

I hope Randi is better soon. And I hope they catch the *sshole responsible.

[John Barleycorn was caught in Bukowski's.]

I hope we get to hear Randi's side of it soon... She, better than anyone, can tell us if SHE thinks it was a random crime or if she was targeted.

[I'm thinking that Randi would just as soon change the subject.]

This is clearly an attack designed to instill terror, so that we will relinquish all our civil liberties and live in a refrigerator box.

[A refrigerator box full of cerveza.]

are you feeling even a bit embarassed about leaping to conclusions?

[Nope. I'll just make up some other dopey conspiracy theories.]

Typical freeper.... attacks a woman because he's too much of a coward to attack a man. I hope he/they is caught and jailed.

[Randi's original fairy tale was caught and failed.]

October 16-NEW YORK-On Sunday evening, October 14, Air America host Randi Rhodes experienced an unfortunate incident hindering her from hosting her show. The reports of a presumed hate crime are unfounded. Ms. Rhodes looks forward to being back on the air on Thursday.


[Randi looks forward to being back on the air on Thursday and avoid talking about the 14 Bloody Marys she downed just prior to her "mugging."]

I wonder what Jon Elliott will be saying tonight? He was the sole source for the mugging story. Where did he get that? Things are not making sense.

[Bloody Mary is the girl I love.
Bloody Mary is the girl I love.
Bloody Mary is the girl I love.
Now ain't that too damn bad!]

RANDI WAS NOT MUGGED!! RANDI WAS NOT MUGGED!! ED SHULTZ JUST READ FROM AIR AMERICA..GO TO THEIR WEB SITE AND READ !! AIR AMERICA HAS RELEASED A STATEMENT THROUGH RANDI'S LAWYER..RANDI WAS NOT MUGGED!

[I still say the dog Simon was the culprit! Obviously an evil righwing canine.]

I hope those of you who jumped to the conclusion that a RW attack occurred realize Just how foolish you look now. This thread is being linked to all over the Web at this very moment. Thanks a lot.

[You're welcome. And, of course, it is also being featured in the DUmmie FUnnies.]

When Republican sidewalks attack ... Any word on the party affiliation of the contractors that built the sidewalk?

[When you step on that Republican crack, you'll break poor Randi's back.]

locking

[To spare the DUmmies even more embarassment. And now to find a good recipe for a Bloody Mary mix. I want to make 14 of them and then go out and walk Simon the dog before getting some dental work done.]