"I'm thinking of leaving my coven/school"
A common gripe of the Left in general and the DUmmies in particular is that conservatives are a bunch of ignorant, superstitious, rightwing fundamentalists. They like to portray themselves as rational humanists who are somehow above religious "superstition." However, if you scratch a DUmmie, you will often find that, below the surface, there exists a bunch of groupthink ignoramuses who swallow outlandish cult rantings without question. As evidence I present this DUmmie THREAD titled, "I'm thinking of leaving my coven/school." Right away, the fact that DUmmie MorningGlow uses the word "coven" seriously is a clear tell of her irrational lunacy. Yeah, Halloween costumes and all that are a lot of fun but to actually take witchcraft seriously is a clear sign of mental derangement. So let us now watch the DUmmies engage in their Wiccan woes in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking of wearing a Guy Fawkes V for Vendetta costume for Halloween this year, is in the [brackets]:
I'm thinking of leaving my coven/school
[I think you're already left your senses.]
I don't know what to do about this--I'm having severe issues with my coven. I've been with my elder and my sisters for nearly 15 years, but lately I've been feeling...not welcome.
[Attention All Wiccans: There will be a bingo game following the Wednesday night Oak Worship service.]
The story is long, convoluted, and basically boring, but in a nutshell (as you may have read in other posts of mine lately), my best friend of 30 years and also my coven sister is going through counseling with our elder. She (my best friend) got a divorce a couple of years ago and started counseling then; now she's addressing other issues in her life in her sessions, which apparently include me--that she feels I haven't been a good friend to her over the years, etc.
[The story is long, convoluted, and basically hilarious, but in a nutshell you are a NUt.]
We attend class at my school together--we were the small, "elite" class for a time, and the four directions of the school--my best friend, our elder, our elder's half sister, and I--covering "uncharted territory" in our lessons. It was great. Now, however, that is over, mainly because our elder is having her own issues with her half sister. Lately the class has been filled with lots of other people, mainly newbies (it varies from class to class), and there is no talk of deeper issues. I'm back to taking notes on some more elementary subjects.
[So how many THOUSANDS of hours have you wasted over the years on the complete deadend of Wiccan study which leads to exactly NOWHERE?]
Adding to the problems, according to rumor, is that I don't "participate" enough. I will admit that I tend to spend more time with my little one than attending sabbats and special Saturday afternoon seminars. Now that MG Jr. is nearly 4, I am better able to get out and about, and I have made an effort to attend events lately, but apparently it's too little too late.
[Now that my kid is nearly 4, I can make up for paying too much attention to him by spending more time again on the deadend of Wiccan worship.]
Soooo...I go to class each week but don't want to, because the reception from my best friend and my elder is amiable on the surface, but decidedly frosty underneath. Our fourth is MIA because she can't stand all the crap. I'm not far behind.
[Such are the personality woes of Broomstick 101.]
The reason I'm having a hard time with this is because these people are supposed to be my second family. They were the people I was going to rely on when I had no-one else left in my life (I'm the youngest in my "real" family by many years). If I leave, I will have jettisoned that future.
[It sounds like you are already jettisoned the first family of your own kid in order to waste more time on the Wiccan cult.]
Egad, it feels like I'm contemplating divorce. And it is, of a sort. I don't know what to do. I'm waiting for a really strong sign, but I haven't gotten one yet. I'm really, really upset.
[Look for the sign of a cackling Helen Thomas riding a broomstick across the face of the full moon.]
Thanks for listening.
[Thanks for the comedy. And now to hear from the other Wiccan DUmmies...]
Can you call a meeting, either with each friend or as a group? I don't know - perhaps a direct expression of your feelings, and an airing of theirs, is in order. I think if this were a divorce, you would be discussing it with your partner, no? It is a very sore place to be dwelling in I wish for love to fill the space between you and your friends.
[Spaketh the Dr. Phil of witchcraft.]
Both my best friend and our elder are the type who do NOT like to "air out" everything face to face. My friend prefers to ignore something till it goes away (that has ALWAYS bugged me about her--for all 30 years I've known her), and our elder has said, just recently, "I don't like confrontation." Unfortunately, she labels talking openly and honestly about something as "confrontation". (Likely she doesn't want to talk about certain things because she is afraid that she's going to have to face something less-than-desirable about her own self.)
[Would that "less-than-desirable" thing be an irrational attraction to a dopey witchcraft cult?]
It's funny, I was just having a conversation with my partner about the length of time occult groups 'should' last. We were discussing how Wiccans we know sort of expect their group to have a 'shelf life' and spin off into other groups, and how that seemed like a good thing.
[There is obviously a short shelf life on your sanity.]
It's funny...I am not really sure yet whether a break would help or not, or if I should just quit outright. Plus (and okay I know this is really a terrible way to think but bear with me because it's there) I worry that my elder will say that I'm not with the school because I'm not ready to ascend like they are.
[YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!!!]
this seems to be a really toxic environment that they refuse to try to correct. Personally, I think that you have more light than they do at this point. Sensitive people, which you seem to be one of, are really affected by negative emotion
[You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between]
As I posted somewhere in here, my elder is all about ascending with the Shift, and I feel perfectly ready, yet I get the impression that she thinks otherwise because I don't do the things that everyone else in the school does. (So much for independent thought/finding one's own path.) I may need to follow my own path that diverges sharply from the folks in my coven, and perhaps the Shift is precipitating that. But you're right--the negativity is just...ick.
[Hmmm... So would your broom handle be considered a stick shift?]
You know, the more you write about this, the more cultish it's sounding. For instance you mentioned taking a break once because of money. Are you paying a lot of money for classes or to belong to the group? A certain amount of dues is normal for groups like this, but if they are excessive it can point to problems. Also you keep mentioning some sort of 'group ascension'. You know it's a common cult technique to foster the idea that while you are in the group you are in some sort of state of 'specialness', but outside the group you're not. I don't want to offend you, but I'm not getting very good feelings about that group. It's reminding me quite a bit of a very cult like situation a friend of mine was in, coincidently also for 15 years. It took a lot of effort for him to get out of it, including moving to another state. He refers to it as 'a divorce', in fact. I actually had to assist him on a magical level because after he left they were throwing things at him to make his life difficult and get him back.
[Hey! Don't try to ruin a good thing here! Blind cult worship provides great comedy material for the DUmmie FUnnies.]
I know the group sounds cultish. It's not, but it sure can sound that way, huh?
[Gee! Why would a group of Wiccan worshippers be considered considered a cult where members ignore their own children in order to participate in blind groupthink? Where could anyone get a crazy idea like that?]
The "group ascension": That's my elder referencing the Shift. It's one of the things I disagree with her about, in fact. I feel that if people are vibrating in sync with the new world we're entering, with love in our hearts, we'll be fine. But she keeps saying "we're not ready, we're not ready" (to her credit, including herself in the "we"). The more she talks about it, the more she sounds like the fundie preachers waiting for the rapture. I have debated this point with her on several occasions. Apparently she thinks we aren't being mindful enough of what we need to do, including meditating more. I do agree that I should meditate more, but I don't have such a negative view of our progress as she does.
[Thank you for that quick lesson in Wiccan theology. So apparently Wiccans are divided between those who believe in the Shift vs others who feel that people are vibrating in sync with the new world we're entering.]
Put salt around you in a square for protection and realize that if the others are trash talking about you, you don't have to worry about them "ascending" ahead of you! Release of judgement is one of the steps to take, I think, and it is a difficult one for many. Could be that you are ready to move on where they are not. If you feel that staying around isn't helping you along your path, by all means move on. I had a spiritual teacher for about 5 years, and then asked for release. I still felt I was on my path, and that names and forms were not important. Most important of all, I still felt I had protection from the spiritual hierarchy and guides-and I got confirmation of that via dreams. I obtained my second name, Haqqiqa, during this time. It means to seek truth and real experiences, basically. Inner guidance led me to be initiated in another Sufi Order and told me who my new teacher would be--and it has worked well. But basically I was on my own with my inner guide (again) for about 7 years.
[I thought we are supposed to put chicken soup in a bowl for protection or is that strictly for colds?]
My shield is definitely up, I can tell you that! And as I just answered Kineta upthread, my elder's view of who will or will not ascend is something I disagree with. Sometimes I feel it's my ego talking when I think I'd ascend better and easier if I weren't aligned with this coven/school (but then again, I am a survivor of the Catholic faith, and that "I'm not worthy" and ego thing comes back like a boomerang from time to time!
[Your shield is up? Well, at least you won't be bothered by those annoying Klingons.]
I have lived many lives in my 41 years of this incarnation. In fact, a friend once commented that I seem to live my life "in boxes"--I have an existence--friends, job, living situation--that I spend a few years on, and when it's done, I am VERY aware of it, and I pack it up and move on to the next. It drives my mom crazy!
[How many of those lives you lived were as a mental patient in this incarnation?]
Your path sounds very Uranian...the sudden changes.
And perhaps the Venus retrograde period that is now completed shone some light on these relationships and allowed you to see them in a light relative to your own needs and personal growth. Had you and your friend joined the coven together?
[Beware the Martian backlash!]
Could you and the half-sister start a new coven?
[The Reformed Coven of New Wicca.]
It's the lineage Touchy thing, lineage. My elder is teaching what her (quite famous) elder taught her. It would not be ethically correct to go off and teach this without consent.
[A gross violation of Wiccan ethics.]
It's possible that some difficult astrological aspect is hitting either your chart or the coven's chart, and once the planetary configurations change, your relationship with your Wiccan family will return to normal.
[I reference the above for anybody who remembers he Left's outrage when Nancy Reagan engaged in a bit of astrology.]
I was wondering if an astrological aspect was skewing my feelings about the situation, or maybe blowing it out of proportion in my eyes, or something. I have gone through other rough spots, being sick of the place, and it's always passed. (I will admit this one is the most severe I've ever experienced. Could be a sign, could be just a result of our topsy-turvy times exaggerating all emotions.)
[Don't let the screen door hit your astrological aspect on your way out the coven.]
I once did a spell which included a cleansing bath, cover the mirrors, to release and drain away all negativity in my life. The next day I was fired from what had become a horrible work situation. That experience taught me a lot about magic!
[That experience taught your McDonald's shift manager to get rid of NUtcase workers.]
I think I need to spend some time getting back in touch with my own magical self, without any politics in the mix. You know--meditate more like I know I need to, talk to my guides more, do more divination--just get back into it while there are no outside expectations/requirements putting demands on my time and energy.
[This might seem like an outlandish request but is there any chance you might want to spend some time getting back in touch with your own kid?]
I have a couple of things I need to post, but my fingers are too cold at the moment! No heat yet, and it's FREEZING IN HERE!
[Have your coven conjure up some Global Warming.]
Sounds like your "personal orbit" has shifted a bit. Sounds kinda profound--don't ya think?
[Yes, I'm very impressed... NURSE! Another dose of lithium for Rubber Room patient #9!]
I'm definitely going to spend more time reflecting on this situation to see what the universe has to say about it.
[What does the shrink have to say about it?]
Isn't venus still in retrograde? Perhaps your heartache is the dawning knowledge that these women aren't going to be the kind of family you want them to be. In that case you either accept them for what they are or you don't... in all cases appreciate them and what you've had together. Maybe you can practice ho'oponopono on the lady who needs counseling because you weren't as good a friend as she wanted you to be.
[No. Venus is in the downgrade. And I never practiced ho'oponopono although I once saw a practiced ho' in Tijuana.]
The reason I'm bored right now, though, is that the special "elite" class I described upthread has gone by the boards. I'm not feeling fulfilled with regard to "discovery". Working on being a runemaster is fine, but I really, REALLY miss our special class as it used to be. However, I must recognize that that isn't coming back. My elder has too many issues with her half sister and refuses to work with her on such a high level that requires a great deal of trust.
[Being a mere runemaster is so humdrum for the very very special wiccans who prefer something more occultishly challenging.]
This just breaks my heart, know how they are treating you. It's totally unacceptable to me!!!!!!!!!!
[LOUSY WICCAN ELDERS!!!]
I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I'm protected and loved. A HUGE dragonfly flew around me and MG Jr. this morning and landed on the house. It's nice to see a visit from one of my totem animals at a time like this.
[Lucky you. I had one of my totem animals visit me this morning...a large cockroach. It was nice to see that visit which I terminated with the bottom of my slipper smushing that dear totem animal.]
I am not one for initiations or traditions. I left all that behind when I realized I'm a Pagan. Even though I have teachers and participate in circles, no one has all the authority. My spirituality has to do with Spirit, even though I have to tell you, I'm not always happy with her manifestations. That's my growth opportunity.
[So Pagans are like anarchic Wiccans?]
I totally hear what you're saying and why you're concerned. So I reread this entire thread, and I'm starting to suspect that my elder and my coven are being painted in a very, very harsh light, because of the tone I started with (because I was so upset after class Thursday night, when I did the OP). We're talking 15 years of history with these people, and I'm only sharing the bad things here, which have happened quite recently. I'm not making excuses--the bad things are still quite bad--but for the longest time, the coven WAS healthy. I am very appreciative of all the wonderful things I have done with the group over those very good years. During those years my elder was a voice of reason, very supportive and helpful in a myriad of ways. That, however, doesn't make recent developments okay. The dynamic of the coven has changed, and my elder has changed, and I'm not comfortable with these changes.
[I've reread this entire thread, DUmmie MorningGlory, and I'm starting to suspect that you are fascinated by your own navel.]