Wednesday, May 31, 2006

TruthOut STILL Stands By Hoaxmas Story

A former fashion photographer known as Marc Ash of Truthout has issued a PROCLAMATION declaring that the mighty Truthout Triumvirate of Pitt, Leopold and himself are stubbornly standing behind their ABSURD Hoaxmas fairy tale that Karl Rove was indicted on May 12 despite the fact that more than a hundred business hours have elapsed since then. I guess we can also expect Ash to insist on New Year's Eve that Rove was definitely indicted back in May despite the fact that no indictment has been reported outside of TruthOut. Yeah, and there were still Japanese on isolated Pacific islands as late as the 1960s still believing that World War II was STILL going on. You can see the DUmmie reaction to this bizarre insistence in this THREAD titled, "The Continued Interest in the Rove Indictment Story by Marc Ash." So let us now watch the TruthOut Triumvirate make their Kamikaze charge against the hard wall of cold reality as the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Pied Piper Pitt is consoling himself over copious quantities of sake sauce, is in the [brackets]:

The Continued Interest in the Rove Indictment Story by Marc Ash

[The Continued Interest in the Bizarre Refusal to Acknowledge Reality.]

We are still getting a high volume of email inquiries on our Rove indictment story from May 13, 2006. We greatly appreciate your interest, and are well aware of the right of all Americans to know what is happening here.

["Are you still absurdly standing by a Hoax perpetrated by a lying drug addict?"]

So again, for the record: We stand by the story. TO's staff is treating this story as our highest priority and will be following up with additional information as it becomes available.

[So again, for the record: We continue to deny reality. TO's staff is praying that this story can magically become true and will be scurrying to our spider holes when the facts become available.]

Clearly the question is: "If Karl Rove has been indicted, why has there been no official announcement?" Right now we have only general indicators as to why an announcement might not be made when an indictment has been returned. And even though these indicators do exist, we need to more clearly understand exactly what is happening in this case before we can report on them.

[Right now we have only divining rods to explain why no indictment announcement has been made. And even though these indicators are floating around in the ether, we need to more clearly understand what is happening in order to stall for more time.]

This a unique situation, and frankly a stressful one. We would like to thank all of those who have offered their support during the course of this ordeal. We fully intend to press on.

[Does anybody out there have a Valium? I haven't been so stressed out since the time Kate Moss wouldn't sit still for a photo shoot.]


I imagine it really really is stressful for all concerned...
Regardless how one sides on the whole controversy, surely we can acknowledge how difficult this must be. This, too, shall pass, I suppose.

[It's certainly stressful for Pied Piper Pitt. He's heavy into the Meds prescribed by the Bukowski Pharmacy.]

Be prepared for all the sarcastic remarks upcoming.

[Just check this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies.]

The silence of Pitt, T.O. and Leopold speaks volumes at this point in time, IMHO. They knew of Leopold's lack of credibility in the past, and they are still standing by his story in spite of their current loss of credibility, as exemplified by Google and Yahoo news, and most recently, being lambasted by Maurie and Connie on MSNBC. Why is this? Why are they still supporting Leopold? It is suicidal, if there were not a great deal of credibility in Leopold's original story. I posted an opinion about a week ago, on the possibility of Leopold being "Hatfielded" and/or "Rathered" by his sources. This is such a Rovean tactic, to spread disinformation through an unreliable news source, so that no one believes the bearer of the news, and the true content of the story is lost and/or forgotten. I could try to repost the original, because it was soon locked, but I found out yesterday that it is against DU policy to 'repost' a locked thread!

[The Leopold as Rovian Agent Theory. So what does that make Pitt? A Brainwashed Mind Numbed Robot?]

How embarrassing. They're just following Leopold off the cliff, it looks like.

[Accompanied by a tune played by the Pied Piper.]

If they just made a mistake, I'd be the first to say move on & let it go. But they still won't even admit making a mistake, & that just seems arrogant to me & disrespectful to the readers that believed them. The story might've hurt creditibility some, but I think it's the continuing refusal to retract it or explain it that's really dragging Truthout's reputation down at this point.

[So you have little faith in the journalistic credibility of a former fashion photographer?]

I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies... and then Tinkerbell comes back to life.

[Tinkerbell will tinkle her Pixie Dust all over the Hoaxmas story so Pied Piper Pitt can wake up from his nightmare to find this is all really a Fairy Tale...And now to watch the Pixie Dust being poured on this story by commentators at the TruthOutTheDoor site.

Thank you for sticking to your guns and riding out the storm. I hope your day of vindication is near!

[Their day of vindication will come in the Year 2525 if Man is still Alive.]

Here we still wait for Rove to be indicted. How long has it been? Three or four weeks since Truthout first printed this story. Their great scoop and it appears like it was all made up. Even if it happened today (IT WON'T) it would be irrelevant as far as Truthout is concerned. Truthout's fair reporting of the news has been exposed for what it really is. I laugh as I write this.

[I laugh as I read this.]

I've trusted Jason Leopold for as long as I've been reading Truthout! Some want to hand behind to be safe and accepted by others...and so do not want to form an opinion. I say, Keep On, Jason Leopold. I trust your reporting and by the way, you guys, remember all those democratic candidates in 2004 who were afraid of Al Gore? They didn't trust their own popularity, wanted to pick a candidate whose coattails they could ride in on. Look where we are! I'm trusting in my own good sense and I'm also willing to grab onto Jason's coattails! He hasn't let us down yet!!!!

[Is that you, Jason Leopold, taking hits on your Bong stick?]

Don't be discouraged. It could take a long while. For those who still haven't overcome the "instant-gratification" of our consumer and information culture, you'll just have to practice harder on the patience virtue. There's no doubt in my gut that the wait will be worth it, and it's critical to maintaining the integrity of the publication.

[Still waiting for John Kerry's inauguration on Jan. 20?]

How is it possible that PRIOR to publication you guys had all these "independent" sources able to provide information but now you have none? Did Bush intimidate your sources? Imprison them? Have them rubbed out? If so, that would be a really cool story, even better than the Rove is indicted one. If not, then why can't these excellent sources provide you with an explanation?

[Because Tinkerbell waved her magic wand and made them disappear. Poof!]

Not that I want to tell Truthout how to run its shop, but it might be time just to shut up about this. I think at this point, it's all about ego...TO has to be able to stake some claim to breaking a Rove indictment if it ever happens. While I appreciate the ballsiness it takes to stand by a stoyr like this, the law of diminishing returns is in full effect at this point.

[Every day, in every little way, TruthOut is getting Lamer and Lamer.]

As William Rivers Pitt wrote somewhere else, "If this were Texas Hold 'Em, the truthout report on Rove's indictment would be an "all in."

[If this were Texas Hold 'Em, William Rivers Pitt would be pawning his earring after losing big on an all in where he was holding NOTHING but Leopold's worthless IOU.]

DUmmie Despair Over 2006 Elections

It's my birthday today (along with Clint Eastwood, Brooke Sheilds, Colin Farrell, and John George II, Elector of Saxony) and my present has come in the form of it being the LAST day on the Today Show for Katie Couric. No longer will I have to watch her early morning fawning over liberals (like Al Gore recently) or frowning at the mention of conservatives or at "unpleasant events" such as the capture of Saddam Hussein. Somehow I think her move to anchor CBS News will turn out to be a BIG MISTAKE and Katie will regret ever leaving the environs of her AM show. One of Katie's recent activities has been as a cheerleader (along with a BIG CHUNK of the rest of the Drive-By Media) for the Democrats. In this capacity, Katie and her liberal media cohorts, are treating the upcoming Congressional and Senate elections this November as a big Democrat victory of LANDSLIDE proportions. For them it is no longer a question of whether or not the Democrats will capture the House and Senate but by how much. A lot of the DUmmies are already celebrating the "inevitable" Democrat victory this November but underlying it all is a current of nervous DOUBT and even DESPAIR over the upcoming 2006 election results as can be seen in two threads, "The GOP/ROVE machine is going to take you down AGAIN!!!" and "GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08". So let us now watch the DUmmies despair about the upcoming elections in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, dining on a birthday cake chock full of DUmmie angst, is in the [brackets]:

The GOP/ROVE machine is going to take you down AGAIN!!!

[Ah yes! Karl Rove. But hasn't he already been INDICTED on May 12? According to TruthOut and Pied Piper Pitt, Patrick Fitgerald gave Rove 24 business hours over two weeks ago to get his affairs in order to prepare for his famous White House lawn Frog Walk.]

It is already in full swing baby, you just need to look a little closer:

[Freudenschade, baby!]

1) NY Times article slamming Hillary and her marriage last week

[SNIFF! A rock solid marriage like that based on true love debased by a nefarious newspaper report.]

2) Pelosi's very negative article this morning about how both sides are hoping she is the speaker, can you imagine a Pelosi agenda?...etc. OMG!!!

[Republicans want Pelosi as speaker? For laughs maybe?]

3) Multiple stories about Reid taking free tickets and Abramoff client's money...etc.

[IMPOSSIBLE! Only the EVIL Republicans are capable of corruption as opposed to the Simon pure Democrats. After all, we are being flogged daily with the constant media drumbeat about the GOP "Culture of Corruption." It is one of Katie Couric's favorite themes.]

It is happening before your own eyes...Slowly, but it will get nastier soon...Frankly, I see us falling asleep at the switch AGAIN!!! Before too long, this will take hold, then Rove buries us in November.

[Despite the assurances by one William Rivers Pitt that Rove has ALREADY been indicted on May 12.]

The only solution, the only way for us to win, is to move to the left and take the gloves off now...We need Feingold out there on everything progressive, we need Murtha out there on everything Iraq, we need Dean out there on domestic policy, and we need Wesley Clark out there on foreign policy...

[We need Kucinich out there on nationalizing the oil industry...We need Lenin out there on collectivization...]

Then, we need attack dogs: Kerry, Kennedy, Edwards, Gore...etc.

[Wouldn't Edwards be considered an attack poodle?]

Yes, let's take a lead from the Dixie Chicks? I'm not ready to make nice!

[Yeah, lets take a lead from the Dixie Chicks and lose our base of support!]

Don't forget attack dogs Rangel and Conyers etc.

[Don't forget the rabid duo.]

Rangel is One Dog That Needs to be Muzzled. Even hinting that we might bring back the draft could lose us 50 seats in the House.

[Don't worry. Rabid Rangel voted against his own draft bill when it came up for a House vote.]

Rangel is great! Hinting that there might be a draft brought out a lot of young voters in 2004! And they all voted Dem!

[Thanx for putting your finger on the TRUE reason that Rangel introduced his draft bill that he voted against. It was done SOLELY for the purpose of scaring the brain dead MTV fans. Fortunately, few of those deadbeats bothered to vote since they didn't have the patience to wait 10 minutes on a poll line.]

We need to make sure that enough DEMS vote so that every election is a landslide. We have to beat the machines.

[RoveNet has already programmed a T-800 Model 101 Diebold Machine to TERMINATE you.]

Unfortunately, won't happen. Amazing how many doors I knocked on and the Dems said they're not even REGISTERED and had no desire to do so!

[Not to worry. A large block of dead Democrats are currently being registered at cemetary locations all over the country.]


[Why so gloomy? Shouldn't the DUmmies at least enjoy some Freudenschade first? And speaking of gloom, let us now turn our attention to this gloomy THREAD, "NYT: GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08."]

NYT: GOP planning to disenfranchise millions in 06, 08

Looks like Smirk could go into November with 98% disapproval and GOP will still pick up seats.


[It looks like the NY Times is already coming up with a handy excuse if the Democrats are defeated in November. See, if the Democrats win then it would be because of the "will of the people," but a Democrat loss can ONLY be attributable to dirty tricks according to this article.]

Wasn't this one of Mark Crispin Miller's predictions
in "Fooled Again"? That the shenanigans of 2000 and 2004 are just the beginning?

[Mere trial runs for 2006. We now have the Diebold pre-programming techniques down pat.]

They just keep stealing the country. Creeping fascism is building speed.


It is largely a "fait accompli".

[True. We own ALL your Diebold machines. Do NOT attempt to adjust your voting screen on election day.]

We can do PLENTY about it. First thing you do, if you truly love your country, is to shoot your television right in the eye.

[FINALLY. A practical solution.]

The repukes CANNOT allow a Dem victory, because that would be followed by a slew of indictments and an overthrowing of their ideological program. They want to stay out of jail, they have to do this. And they know it.

[We need to elect Democrats in order to throw the Republicans in jail and make it a Thought Crime to be a Conservative.]

We all know it, and there isn't a F*CKING thing we can do about it

[Too bad Katie Couric will no longer be on the tube in the morning to perk up your spirits with reports about the "inevitable" Democrat victory this November.]

It's time to sue the crap out of these nazis. They have no concept of honesty or constitutionality or morality. Just naked lust for power and money.

[Now is the time to begin preparing your Election Loss lawsuits.]

Any suit would quickly make it to a Bush hack judge, and at that point would be killed. The Nazis look like cub scouts compared to the current GOP/

[So states another denizen of the "Reality Based Community."]

This is so frustrating I could scream. The majority party is paving the way to keep a permanent majority...where is the outrage.

[We are OUTRAGED that the GOP keeps winning elections. We need to sue them!]

GOP candidates partricipating in this conspiracy need to be charged with conspiracy, don't you think ?

[Charge all GOP candidates with crimes by redefining campaigning as a Republican as a conspiracy and then criminalize it.]

I do registration drives. In 04, I had a stack of maybe 10 completed forms stolen by an unbalanced volunteer. In FL, that would cost $50,000. I would need to stand guard over every volunteer and practically strip search them before they could leave an event to be certain they were not walking off with a few forms.

[Thanx for the early morning laugh at the vision of paranoid you strip searching all your volunteers for registration forms.]

Election theft is far worse than cop-killing. Worse than 9/11 or any incident of terrorism. It is literally High Treason. It undermines the only moral principle on which the nation was founded and continues (in theory) to rest -- that gov't power can only be derived from the consent of the governed.

[Nice head of rabid foam on your mouth there as you work yourself into another insane frenzy.]

NOTHING that the GOP does is criminal, because there is no one to bring them to justice. They have completely saturated the courts, media, and executive branch with members of their syndicate. Anton Scalia said after he fixed election 2000 that nothing in the constitution guarantees a citizen the right to vote. they are above the law, and there is nothing we can do about it, legally. You probably need to come to grips with that fact if you are to pursue a remedy.

[You need to come to grips with that fact by assuming the fetal position on the ground with thumb firmly stuck in mouth.]

We are pointing out that, save the tragic human costs, there is nothing that has been done in our names that can't be undone or remedied. That includes impeachments, war crimes prosecutions, and tax-kickback recovery.

[Translated from DUmmieSpeak, "tax-kickback recovery" means "more taxes."]

get people invested to the point that they'll be ready to cause a ruckus if the SCOTUS or these GOPrano bastards steal yet another election

[LOL! Thanx for giving me a FUnnie new word to play with in future DUFU editions: "GOPrano."]

we're completely powerless.

[Remember what I said above about assuming the fetal position.]

The next free and fair election will be after the next revolution.

[So DUmmie burythehatchet posted with the strains of "The Internationale" playing in the background.]

Hate to say it, but secret ballots are being used against us.

[We need open ballots so we can harrass the reactionaries who voted for the EVIL Republicans.]

What I predict: Criminal Repubs keep control 06. In 08 they elect a new Repub president and keep control. At this point we see that it is serious. There is no more fooling around. Secret groups will form. Gov will crack down violently and put the new Halliburton detention camps to good use.

[All true except for the part about the Halliburton detention camps. Actually it will be Walmart detention camps. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe that those new Walmart Super Stores being constructed around the country are really stores?]

We begin to live history book history. One of those major turning points for the human race. No more fantasy land for the U.S. We will be living a modern and more violent version of 1789. How it ends is a toss up but in any case I'm afraid the comforts of the 20th century will be gone for decades. A couple of years ago I would have thought I would have to be crazy to say this stuff but unfortunately it seems all too possible at the moment.

[And now we KNOW you're crazy.]

Halliburton Happy Camps. I have no doubt this is the exact reason Halliburton is building those camps. Political dissidents they'll call us. Fallout from election fraud is the first thing that came to mind when I heard about Halliburton's contract - we know it isn't for immigrants (though "bird flu" could put the populations of blue states in them in November I suppose). Bastards will do anything to carry out their evil plan. With luck we'll be sent to psych wards, but more likely these 21st Century Nazis will continue taking their cues from Hitler's playbook.

[Look at the bright side. While you are an inmate of the Halliburton Happy Camps, you will be entitled to Halliburton Happy Meals which consist of rice pilaf with orange glazed chicken.]

Monday, May 29, 2006

Pied Piper Pitt Enters The DUmmie Zone


(A car is roaring fast down a country road late at night in western Nebraska. At the wheel is Pied Piper Pitt. He has a very sad look on his face, almost crying, as he mutters to himself: "I'll show them! In a couple of days they won't have the Magic Man to kick around any more and then they'll realize how much they miss me! Damn them all to HELL!!!" Suddenly a bright light radiates in the sky over a nearby cornfield. Pitt pulls his car over to the side of the road and looks on in astonishment as the light gets closer and closer. Pitt leaps out of the car and runs into the cornfield, closer to the bright light which is hovering only a couple of dozen feet over the ground. In the foreground we see Rod Serling stepping next to the road in front of the cornfield.)

SERLING: Portrait of a left-wing teller of tall tales named William Rivers Pitt. A man so desperate to make himself famous that he recently perpetrated a phony news story. The angry backlash created when his hoax was exposed has forced Pitt to give up on all hope of ever becoming a big political player. As a result, Pitt has decided to cross the country to melodramatically end it all by driving off the "Chicky Run" cliff in Malibu made famous by Rebel Without A Cause. However, Pitt doesn't yet realize it but he has just made a sharp detour into.....The DUmmie Zone.)

(Pitt runs beneath the shining light which he now sees as coming from a flying saucer hovering overhead.)


(A booming voice is heard from the flying saucer.)






PITT: Could I even have Bush impeached?


PITT: And tried as a war criminal before the International Court at The Hague?


PITT (jumping up and down): OH HOW WONDERFUL!!! I'm already thinking about the schoolgirl groupies worshipping my every word! First I'm going to take horrible revenge on all those who doubted my story about...


PITT: HA! HA! Piece of cake! I'll have you know that I have a reputation for leadership all over the Internet. I even worked as a press secretary for Dennis Kucinich until...


(The flying saucer rises up into the sky and disappears.)

(We see Pitt's car speeding into a small town as it honks wildly. The car screeches to a halt in the middle of the street and Pitt jumps out. He struts in wide circles screaming as the sleeping town residents emerge from their homes. Before them is the spectacle of a crazed maniac in a black cowboy hat spouting what seems to be absurd nonsense.)


(Pitt continues his loud bantam rooster strutting until a hand clamps down on his shoulder from behind. Pitt turns to see a uniformed man. It is the town sheriff.)

SHERIFF: What's your problem, Boy, that you have to wake up the whole town?

PITT: I was driving from Boston when I saw a flying saucer over a cornfield! Anyway, the good news is that you folks will have the privilege of returning with me there at midnight so I can rule over you and end the Bush Family Evil Empire and..."

SHERIFF (interrupting): You Boston folks must think we're all a bunch of stupid Cornhusker hicks out here coming up with a dopey story like that as an excuse for disturbing the peace.

PITT: Please, Sheriff! I meant no harm.

(Pitt pulls out his cell phone.)

PITT (continuing): I won't bother the unenlightened folks here any more. All I need to do is call...

(The sheriff yanks the cell phone out of Pitt's hand.)

SHERIFF: You won't be calling anybody since you're going to spend the night in jail.

PITT: But sheriff! I need to call...

SHERIFF: Shut up, Boy, unless you want me to make it a week in jail.

PITT: Okay, Sheriff. I'll be quiet. Just please give me my cell phone in the morning.

(We see the sheriff locking a cell door behind Pitt. Pitt nervously paces back and forth all night.)

PITT (to himself): Keep your cool! Just wait until morning when I can call one of my many admirers to meet me here.

(9 A.M. the next morning. The sheriff opens the cell door and hands Pitt his cell phone. Pitt steps outside into the street and eagerly begins dialing his cell phone.)

PITT: Hello, Skinner? It's Will PItt here with INCREDIBLE NEWS!!! I'm in Nebraska and last night a flying saucer told me I could rule the earth and rid the world of reactionary Republicans.

(Pitt pauses as he listens to Skinner's reply.)

PITT (continuing): No, no! This time it is for real. All you have to do is hop a flight right away to Omaha, then rent a car and drive a couple of hundred miles west to...)

(Pitt pauses as he listens to Skinner's reply again.)

PITT (continuing): Of course I'm serious, Skinner! Why don't you believe me?

(Pitt pauses for Skinner's reply.)

PITT (continuing): The truth? Okay this time I'll give you the truth! That whole story about Karl Rove being indicted on May 12 was a FRAUD! I was just trying to get a quick easy way to make make my TruthOut website famous, along with me, all over the Web. I took a gamble on Karl Rove being indicted that week and tried to cash in on the "scoop" but I got burned. I'm baring my soul to you now in all honesty because you HAVE to believe my flying saucer story is REAL!

(Pitt pauses as he listens to Skinner's reply.)

PITT (continuing): DAMN YOU, SKINNER!!! When this story pans out, and all the little fish try to swim home, I am going to say, "Sorry, you had a chance to stand with an ally, and instead decided to say, 'I find it very hard not to be skeptical.'"

(Pitt pauses again to listen to the reply.)

PITT (continuing): This was a wheat-from-the-chaff moment. You spend a good deal of time talking about standing strong but you publicly screwed one man who has stood stronger for you than any other. Name for me please the new best-selling book, translated into twelve languages, that thanks you and your site above anything else. First and Foremost. There is one. Only one. Before my own mother, I thanked you.

(An angry Pitt pauses again for the reply and then screams into the cell phone.)


(The sheriff steps outside to confront Pitt.)

SHERIFF: With all that yelling you sound like you want to spend the rest of the week as a guest of the jailhouse.

PITT (nervously): No! Not that! Look, I won't bother anybody in town. I promise. Could you tell me where the town library is located?

SHERIFF: Just down the street on the left. And STAY out of trouble, Boston Boy!

(We see Pitt at the library, sitting in front of a computer on the Democrat Underground website. He posts the following thread and message:)

Will Pitt: Just Tell 'Em You Know Me

Hey Everybody! Last night a voice from a flying saucer promised that if I show up with someone in the middle of a cornfield in Nebraska, space aliens would make me absolute ruler of the earth and I would be able to toss all conservatives into jail for political crimes. All I need is for just one of you to meet me in Nebraska in the next few hours to make this happen!

symbolman: I have a better idea, Pitt. Why don't you print out this thread and shove it where the moon don't shine?

Maddy McCall: I second symbolman's suggestion.

OldLeftieLawyer: It's a bogus story and an absurd one. How long before the flying saucer returns? 24 business hours?

benburch: I believe you, Will. Unfortunately I'm too broke to travel to Nebraska. Could you send me $10 to repair the radio equipment of my broadcasting empire that was destroyed by a lightning bolt?

steve2470: Are the chicks in Nebraska cute? Do you think you could set me up on a date for this weekend with a hot Cornhusker? I have a couple of Yanni concert tickets.

* * * * * * * * * *

(It is midnight. A very confident looking Will Pitt is waiting as the flying saucer returns.)


PITT (smugly): No I haven't. I've returned with plenty of people.


PITT: They're hidden among the corn stalks. My friends are just too shy to meet you but they're here.


PITT (less confidently): Don't I count? I thought you meant any human life forms could return which would be me. Look, just give me another 24 hours or make it 24 business hours to comply with your demand.

(The flying saucer begins to rise higher into the air.)


(The flying saucer rises rapidly into the sky and disappears.)


(Pitt falls to his knees and begins pounding the ground with his fists.)

PITT (sobbing): I was so close to being the center of everything and now I'm just a nobody again! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!

(A couple of nights later on a cliff in Malibu. A pair of lights pierce the darkness. It is Pitt's car. The car speeds over the edge of the cliff as Pitt's voice screams: "GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!!!")



(We see a closeup of Pitt's mouth moving.)

PITT: It was at Lake Placid that the now-familiar chant of "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" was born. The American people had been well-trained during the second empire to expect being on top...

(We now see that Pitt is but one of hundreds of people in a poultry processing plant. Like everyone else, he is wearing white coveralls and cap. The other workers all appear to be Hispanic. Pitt continues talking as he rips the guts out of chicken carcasses as they go by him on a conveyor belt.)

PITT (continuing): The American people were mesmerized by the vision of their flag rising next to but just a little higher than the red Soviet banner. It was their first taste of what would become a long and uninterrupted stretch of total global dominance...

(The Hispanic poultry processing workers nearby look at Pitt curiously, failing to understand at all what he is saying.)

HISPANIC #1: Qué dijo el Gringo?

HISPANIC #2: Quién sabe? Me parece que él es un gran pendejo loco.

(As Pitt continues talking, we hear Rod Serling's voiceover.)

SERLING VO: Submitted for your approval: A story of a pompous blowhard condemned to tell tall tales for all eternity in ---The DUmmie Zone.

Friday, May 26, 2006

"Does anyone doubt that certain G.I.'s are committing war crimes?"

Earlier this week, the DUmmies were left with EGG on their collective faces when it turned out that their hero, Jessie MacBeth, who confessed to committing war crimes in Iraq was a Fake Army Ranger. After having to gorge on crow, the DUmmies are now back and essentially saying that the fact he was fake doesn't matter because our troops are committing war crimes despite the LACK of evidence to back up this assertion as you can see in the THREAD titled, "Does anyone doubt that certain G.I.'s are committing war crimes?" Yes, "Fake but Accurate" seems to be the motto of the DUmmies. So let us now watch the latest rantings from the "Reality Based Community" in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that MacBeth will soon have lots of time to brush up on his Shakespeare from a jail cell, is in the [brackets]:

Does anyone doubt that certain G.I.'s are committing war crimes?

[Not in DUmmieland where actual facts are considered to be quite beside the point.]

There's been an uproar over a supposedly hoaxed video of a G.I. admitting to mass murder of innocents, but does anyone actually doubt that certain of our soldiers are indeed mad dog killers? No, I'm not saying they all are, but many are. We've seen the evidence over and over. But the number one group of war criminals is of course the neo cons, the ones who tricked the soldiers into thinking the Iraqis are the ones who attacked us, and that they are mere cockroaches to be smashed asunder. It's not the soldiers who should be punished, it's the commanders in chief.

[Despite an utter LACK of evidence, let's just make politically motivated War Crimes accusations.]

No. Jack Murtha has confirmed they are committing war crimes.
Murtha wouldn't ever lie about something like that.

[Oh no. Jack Murtha would NEVER fib despite having NO EVIDENCE to back up his charges.]

careful... We aren't supposed to question the ersatz hero worship of the troops. Even many at DU fall in line and don't dare question this. This war mentality isn't likely to change anytime soon. It has been carefully instigated by the military industrial complex after their failure in Vietnam. With their pawns in the media they have cultivated an unquestioning mantra of "support the troops".

[careful... We aren't supposed to back up our wild claims with FACTS.]

Remember, the truthiness of his story is more important then the details and the preponderance of evidence that he made them up!

[Thanx for PERFECTLY expressing the DUmmie attitude of Fake but Accurate.]

a war suggests an equal opportunity type of thing. this was a rape and pillage occupation contrary to international law against a weakened country

[WHO was raped? WHAT was pillaged and by WHOM? Sorry for asking these irritating questions.]

It is an illegal war. Every soldier fighting it is committing a crime. I said the guilt for that crime falls to the moral ledger of the Bush Regime, who launched an aggressive "pre-emptive" war in much the same manner Hitler did when he marched in to Poland.

[Since the DUmmies are UNABLE to find actual FACTS to back up their War Crimes charges they redefine War Crimes to mean our entry into Iraq. When the FACTS don't match the charge then just CRIMINALIZE policy decisions.]

Americans can be extremely Barbaric. I am a witness to that fact

[And you are now witness to the fact that you are being barbarically roasted alive for all to see on the DUmmie FUnnies.]

My husband served over there for more than a year and he never participated in nor witnessed a war crime.

[PLEASE!!! STOP with the FACTS!!!]

It's happening everyday. They kill without question or without reason. They walk around with their finger on the trigger ready to shoot.

[Is that you, Jessie MacBeth?]

I'm sick of people defending the ordinary GI. No one forced them to join the army. They volunteered to go off and kill brown people in the desert.

[Testify to this "fact" before congress and someday, you too, might become a U.S. Senator and run for President.]

It is evident that the US miltary is just as ugly and as capable of evil acts as any other army in history.

[This sounds like Jack Murtha's campaign speech.]

I believe there are a lot of rapes we dont hear about.
and i dont give a fuck what kind of stress your in, rape is inexcusable and were never hearing a peep about it.

[Possibly because it ISN'T happening?]

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Is Jason Leopold Working For ABC News?

The search is still on for Pied Piper Pitt, last seen downing large doses of "medication" at Bukowki's. His Furorbunker location is still unknown and at this time we have no report on when he will emerge to confront the Hoaxmas backlash. However, it is now suspected that his partner in crime, Jason Leopold, is currently working at ABC News as evidenced by a completely unsubstantiated (and quickly refuted) STORY that Leopold-like sources have told that news organization that House Speaker, Dennis Hastert, is under investigation by the FBI. Of course, the DUmmies, upon hearing this "news," beat a well-worn path to their ultimate Freudenschade when they PREMATURELY celebrated the Hastert's downfall only to have to eat crow immediately afterwards when this story did not pan out as you can see first in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "HASTERT IS BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE FBI," followed soon afterwards by their Eating Crow THREAD titled, "Justice Dept. denies Hastert under investigation." So let us now watch the DUmmies once again worshipping at the Jason Leopold School of Journalism in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, deriving much Schadenfreude from the DUmmie Freudenschade, is in the [brackets]:

House Speaker Hastert under investigation: ABC


WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives,Dennis Hastert, is under investigation by the FBI, which is probing corruption in Congress, ABC News reported on Wednesday.

ABC, citing high level Justice Department sources, said information implicating Hastert was developed from convicted lobbyists who are now cooperating with the government.

Part of the investigation involves a letter Hastert wrote three years ago, urging the Secretary of the Interior to block a casino on an Indian reservation that would have competed with those of other tribes.

Hastert's Press Secretary told ABC in a statement: "We are not aware of this." Hastert's spokespeople were not immediately available for comment.

[Is this a Jason Leopold scoop?]

Oh, please. Please let this be true! Please let this be true! Tell me the corruption goes into the Speaker's Office and into the Senate Majority Leader's office! Oh please!!!!


I share your plea ... PLEASE!!
Take Denny down too!!!!

[PLEASE!!!---No more Crow!]

Of course it goes right to the top. The question is: Will anything ever come of it?

[Have no fear. Your Freudenschade is just around the corner.]

Will anything ever come of it? - let's see if tweetie reports on it??

[Let's see if TruthOutTheDoor reports on it.]

Starting to become clear why he came out so hard against the FBI raiding a congressman's office. It has nothing to do with Seperation of Powers with these f*cks. It's all about protecting their own criminal behavior!

[Once again, a DUmmie adds 2 plus 2 and comes up with 5.]

That's exactly what I thought when I read the article
after my moment of celebration.

[Yes, that premature celebration which is always the prelude to DUmmie Freudenschade.]

right behind Rove. Hastert will get indited right about the same time that Rove does........ which is never.

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

I'll believe it when I see the FBI kicking in his office door... and hauling out all his papers and computer drives. Oh, and just to expedite the investigation, interrogators should strip Hastert, smear him with pee and feces, beat him, let a vicious dog bite him several times, and rape his family while he watches, since Bush and the GOP have condone torture as a valid tool for obtaining information. After all, if he's got nothing to hide, he's got nothing to worry about!

[This ABC News "scoop" is about to be smeared with feces. Speaking of which, how are Robert Luskin's cat stools doing today?]

Oh God Do Do I Hope They Nail His Criminal Ass. Take Em All Down. This could be very fun to watch...

[Not nearly as much FUn as watching the DUmmie Freudenschade Crow Eating Ceremony which is just around the corner.]

The timing is soooo sweet...

[Especially so coming right on the heels of Hoaxmas.]

Contrary Report from Bloomberg News from a few minutes ago...
Justice Department Denies ABC Report of Hastert Investigation

[So would you prefer your Crow roasted or fried?]

Gotta replace him before the impeachment might go down!
They want someone clean in place in case Bush/Cheney are both impeached/resign before the election, so that a "Gerald Ford-type" can take over then, and keep the "pardon" option open later. Hastert isn't clean enough for that role and Bushco knows it!

[I guess the plate of crow hasn't been served to you yet. Look at the previous post.]

Something smells!! Reuters printed ABC's story and then retracted it within an hour!!

[Fooled again by another Rovian trick! And now on to the DUmmie Crow Eating THREAD.]

Justice Dept. denies Hastert under investigation

[You know, I think I can learn to enjoy eating crow. If I use my imagination, I might convince myself that it tastes like something between chicken and turkey. Well, only if I close my eyes real tight and imagine real hard.]

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Justice Department took the unusual step Wednesday of declaring that it was not investigating House Speaker Dennis Hastert.

The statement by department spokeswoman Tasia Scolinos came in response to a broadcast report that Hastert was being investigated as part of a lobbying scandal and amid the furor surrounding the weekend raid on the offices of Rep. William Jefferson, D-La.

Hastert had sharply criticized the raid and called on Justice Department officials to return all the documents that had been seized.

Asked if he was being investigated, Hastert said late Wednesday that he has not received any notice from the Justice Department that he’s being investigated as part of the Jack Abramoff probe.

[And Lucy pulls the football away.....AGAIN!!!]

Where is this from?

[Kentucky Fried Crow.]

Maybe Hastert made them back off somehow.
I wouldn't doubt it a bit. Hastert comes out swinging against Bush, Bush tries to punish him with the FBI. Hastert then says "up yours" and has something to make Bush back down.

[A nude photo of Helen Thomas?]

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Virtual Pitt Makes "Appearance" In DUmmieland

Let me take this opportunity to dispel the ugly rumor that Wee Willie Pitt is holed up in BROKEBAT CAVE. The fact is that Pied Piper Pitt is still hiding out in his Furorbunker, desperately hoping that his Hoaxmas Fraud will somehow blow over. Not likely. However, Pitt has sent out a trial balloon in the form of this WEIRD TruthOut ARTICLE aptly named "Just Don't Tell 'Em You Know Me" published on May 23. The article itself is typical longwinded Pitt which means it would put you right to sleep if I were to post it here. However, despite its dullness, this article is AMAZING in what it DOESN'T say. Namely NOTHING about the Fitzmas controversy. It is as if on December 8, 1941, Franklin D. Roosevelt went before Congress to give a speech entirely devoted to rural electrification programs without a single mention of a certain attack on Pearl Harbor the day before. Of course, Pitt must have known his article would would be posted and commented upon in DUmmieland which you can see HERE. In effect there is a virtual Pitt who posted his comment (via another DUmmie) and we all KNOW that the real Pitt, from deep within the Furorbunker, was monitoring the responses in order to figure out if it is safe to return to DUmmieland. Bad news for Pitt. As we shall see, it is NOT safe for Pitt to return. He doesn't have to drill holes in Dustin Hoffman's teeth asking, "Is it safe?" in order to figure this out. So let us now read the DUmmie attacks on the virtual Pitt in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, still waiting for the return of the Magic Man, is in the [brackets]:

Just Don't Tell 'Em You Know Me

[Not after Hoaxmas. I don't want them to know that I know you, Pitt. Anyway, I will now skip your long winded article notable ONLY for the fact that you didn't once mention Fitzmas. Anybody out there who is currently suffering from insomnia is welcome to read it as it is sure to cure your condition. And now on to the DUmmie comments that completely AVOID Pitt's dull treatise and concentrates SOLELY on the Hoaxmas scandal...]

I adore Will Pitt..... I feel honored to know him. He has a pure heart.

[It looks like DUmmie liberalnurse has all the qualifications for being an official William Rivers Pitt groupie---complete mindlessness.]

Wow, I want some of what you're smoking ... I know Pitt too - have for a few years - and let's just say it's not something I gush about.

[One DUmmie is full of mush and the other DUmmie doesn't gush.]

Then I sense you may be a bit on the delusional side
when you say you have known him for years.....Maybe you have knowledge of Will Pitt or something on the acquaintance level....but not actually "know him", call him a friend.....and return the kindness as friends always do. Maybe I got the wrong message from your post? Feel free to clarify for me.

[And DUmmie liberal nurse still won't hush.]

like calling people cretins for disagreeing with him and
jason "grand larceny" leopold? sounds like pure bullshit to me...

[The DUmmies are revolting!]

he lied, and he was convicted of grand larceny. ohhhh, pointing out someone lied and committed a felony is a smear if the person who committed the felony and lied is a liberal.

[Don't forget the drug addiction.]

Good article, thanks for posting!

[I will allow the following DUmmie to do the punchline...]

Everything except the elephant in the room named Karl Rove or cretins


Perhaps you just can't see him. It's magic, man.

[If anybody can, the Magic Man can.]

Isn't Pitt big enough to make his own posts? Inquiring cretins want toknow

[Inquiring Freepers too.]

I completely believe the information is accurate.
It's the time line that has things in disarray. I believe the article information was validated and the intent to write the story was seeded in the spirit of credible journalistic fashion. The time line for the public knowledge of the indictment is an issue that can not be controlled by the messenger. I have no clue as to why there is a delay, but I do believe there is indeed a firewall of sorts in place. There is a reason.....I just don't know what that reason is at the moment.

[DUmmie liberalnurse, completely buying into TruthOut's Partial Birth Apology.]

This isn't about "TruthOut" it's about a fellow DU'er who called us vile names for no reason. Let's get our stories straight here when you try to say that folks didn't believe Will and now he's going to come back like a conquering hero for those of you who would have worshiped any rock star in another time. Let's have some perspective here. That's what I'm saying.

[Pitt expects to return to DUmmieland and to be unquestioningly worshipped as before.]

Forgiving him YET AGAIN would be akin to a wife making up with her abusive husband. Trust Pitt again? I don't think so. Ladyhawk don't play that.
As far as I'm concerned Pitt is through.

[Pied Piper Pitt has turned into the J.J. the end of the Sweet Smell of Success.

And in absense of an apology for his behavior...
he gets what he gets. There's nothing to change the trajectory of the way things are going, as they are. He could end it. If it weren't for that damned hubris.

[What, ME apologize?]

Forgiveness after repeated abuse is just plain stupid.
Liberalnurse, I know you have a very good heart, but I have to disagree with you on this one. Words can really hurt. I've never been a target of Pitt's words, but I can't help but notice a pattern of verbal abuse heaped on others. I can't stand by and let someone get away with doing that to my friends.

[Does this mean you won't be swalloing the Wee Willie Kool Aid that DUmmie liberalnurse is holding out for you?]

"STFU already" and we sound like freepers?
Sorry, Angry Sara, but having grown up with drunks, the "he was inebriated!!!!" excuse doesn't wash with me. I am up to here with being called a freeper, not the least of which for having a healthy skepticism about the original sorry.

[DUmmies hate being called Freepers because it would imply that they are sane.]

Oh, you're saying he was drunk? Well that makes everything fine! Yes he did direct ugly words at me personally, many years ago, and I have avoided him since then. And I have received PMs from other long time DUers who got the same ugly treatment. And ne'er an apology was forthcoming to anyone until he finally went completely over the edge and attacked Skinner. It is said that one's true nature comes out when one has become drunk - you know, in vino veritas.

[And Pitt has certainly been in vino at Bukowski's every night.]

After each of his disgraceful displays, he has apologized, but an apology is only good if that person is working toward never letting it happen again. I don't see that. He'll blow up again and next time it will probably be even worse. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm through with him. I'm not going to take a chance on being within the blast radius next time he goes off.

[Just stay at least a mile away from Bukowski's to avoid that blast radius.]

He's in his early 30's; not exactly a teenager learning how to handle his liquor. He wants to be taken seriously and respected, but be excused for repeated episodes of immature behavior. Reminds me of the kid who kills his parents and then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he's an orphan.

[William Menendez Pitt.]

"Just Don't Tell 'Em You Know Me: By William Rivers Pitt"
Don't worry Will. I won't tell 'em I know you. I'm pretty embarrassed to have heard of ya!


Locking. This round robin of accusations and counter accusations isn't constructive to discussion here on Democratic Underground. Thanks.

[But it's sure constructive to lots of laughs here on the DUmmie FUnnies. Thanks.]

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Freudenschade, Baby!

Freudenschade, Baby! Apparently the DUmmies never learn. Not only did they suffer from a mass dose of Freudenschade over Fitzmas, the DUmmies fell for another round of premature Freudenschade jubiliation yesterday over the story of an Army Ranger who admitted to committing War Crimes only to have to eat a big heaping of crow later when it found out that the Army Ranger in question was FAKE. But FIRST.... The latest on the Hoaxmas Front. As of this writing TruthOut is sticking with their Partial Birth Apology in which they continue to stick by their Fitzmas fairy tale in which Karl Rove has ALREADY been indicted on May 12. Meanwhile, Pied Piper Pitt is still holed up in the Furorbunker hoping to wait out the backlash forces of Hoaxmas that are now beseiging his once mighty Third American Reich which began (according to him) with ice hockey fans screaming "USA! USA!" following the American victory over the Soviets at the 1980 Winter Olympics. Rumor has it that a certain Dr. Morell is currently administering strong doses of alcohol to Pitt in order to ease his emotional suffering during this turmoil. When there is a new battle on the Hoaxmas front, we will keep bring you the update as well as detailed analysis of Pitt's political Götterdämmerung.

And now back to the latest DUmmie Freudenschade.... Yesterday, the DUmmies temporarily forgot their Hoaxmas woes to celebrate the news that a former Army Ranger had openly confessed to committing war crimes as you can see in this THREAD titled, ""By my hand alone almost 200 were taken out, that's just a rough estimate." Yes, Freudenschade broke out all over DUmmieland over this news that was soon followed by the inevitable crow eating ceremony when it was REVEALED that, "The video of the Army Ranger is a fake." So let us now join the DUmmies in the midst of their Freudenschade celebrations in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble correspondent, whipping up another serving of crow for them, is in the [brackets]:

"By my hand alone almost 200 were taken out, that's just a rough estimate"

[Commence the Freudenschade celebrations, baby!]

Army Ranger Jessie Macbeth speaks about War Crimes he and other Rangers committed in Iraq with the encouragement and blessing
of their superiors.

[Oooh! Oooh! I sure hope I didn't drink up all the victory champagne celebrating Karl Rove's May 12 indictment.]

He's got the courage to speak out. To implicate himself in War Crimes. I can support this Ranger and any others that have the courage of their convictions to speak out about the atrocities they were encouraged or ordered to commit by superior officers. At the same time I am completely revolted by what he and others did to innocent Iraqi civilians.

[We have an extra big heaping of crow warming up in the oven for you, DUmmie LibertyorDeath.]

IT'S A FAKE!!!!!! He is wearing his beret on backwards. I doubt he is even who he says he is. It's a shame that crap like this gets posted on DU. Giving credibility to these kinds of lies demeans the whole site."

[Shut up you lousy KILLJOY!!! Let the DUmmies enjoy their Freudenschade.]

I'm not sure what picture this angry person is debunking, but it is not the picture in the video that I watched. His beret is "fine" and medals can't be seen as it's a head shot. Further he has some medals pinned to the outside of his picture frame and his moustache was shaven.

[Is that you, Marc Ash?]

I'm not gullible for giving a guy who wears his beret "differently" the benefit of the doubt. I don't believe nor disbelieve him.

[Jason Leopold has verified that this guy was definitely an Army Ranger.]

Still doesn't explain the sleeves. Why would a Ranger roll his sleeves like a Marine? Seriously, little shit like that gets pounded into your head every day you're in the military.

[I'll search for an explanation of this at TruthOut.]

I'm not defending him as truthful or not, but I think there was truth to what he said about the experience in Iraq.

[The Dan Rather Apology: The Army Ranger might have been fake but his confession was accurate.]

I admit to wild speculation. However I understand it's not uncommon to wear ones beret "wrong" regardless.

[And it's also not uncommon to lock down an entire floor of Patton Boggs for a 15 hour meeting complete with a Secret Service detail.]

gully, show us one picture, just one picture of another Army Ranger with his beret sloping downward to his left. Berets are ALWAYS worn sloping downwards towards their right.


It is time this country learned the truth about what exactly is going on over there...that our troops are being maimed and killed and are killing for a bunch of lies; lies that make a few people very, very rich.

[Would you like your crow well done?]

I don't recall any reports like this in the foreign media.
This would have been picked up in the foreign media if it was happening.

[This story won't be considered solid until TruthOut verifies it.]

Makes me sick that this adm is behind this cruelty.
No wonder so many are coming back from Iraq with messed up minds. This is awful.

[It's not polite to talk with crow in your mouth.]

He is presented as a member of Iraq Veterans Against the War -
I respect the group. If he is an IVAW member then I think he must be real - he couldn't pull the wool over fellow vets' eyes, I would not think.

[Excuse me. You've got some wool in your eyes.]

kick for the truth

[Enjoying that "Kick Me" sign affixed to your posterior?]

He's not a spokeman for the army. He's telling us what HE went through. as horrid as it is.

[According to the Arizona State University NEWSPAPER, MacBeth's worst combat experience was receiving poor service at a local coffee shop.]

Dan Rather was reliable too. But even he got tricked into a set up.

[So is MacBeth being Rathered or Leopoled?]

I just watched it, and I believe him. His mannorisms, his stutter is more pronounced when he talks about the things he did, the dis-connected thoughts... he's telling the truth.

[Is that you, Will Pitt, commenting from the Furorbunker?]

I believe anyone with a set big enough to CONFESS to War Crimes that are MOST CERTAINLY going on there. One more thing-Look at that guys eyes-there's ALL the proof anyone needs, right there.

[Your TruthOut journalist job application is currently being given serious consideration.]

I'm beginning to think DU exists in some kind of little fantasy world all it's own. That video is crap. I wonder how much the guy was paid to say that stuff.

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll dressed in camo clothing for having a brief moment of mental clarity.]

Have the freepers picked up on this? They would have a hay day - DU Admins better yank this article off line quick.

[Too late. It's already provided yet more comedy material for the DUmmie FUnnies.]

I think we're all going to need a drink by the time this is over.

[Is that you, Will Pitt, commenting from Bukowski's?]

It would be us and IVAW who've been Rathered, where Macbeth is the faked document - containing stuff that's in fact real.

[Fake but Accurate: The motto of the Leftist media. And now on to the DUmmie Crow Eating CEREMONY titled, "The video of the Army Ranger is a fake."]

The video of the Army Ranger is a fake.

[Munch! Munch! May I have another helping of crow?]

I served in Iraq 16 months as a U.S. Army Ranger." April 23, 2004. The war was less than 16 months old at that point. He must have a time machine.

[I bet the DUmmies would like to take a Time Trip back to May 12.]

possibly the war started earlier than thought...

[Correct. And the Civil war actually began in 1856.]

I am so, so disappointed in some of the people in this community, but I know there are others who are reality based. We can't fight their lies if we live in a fantasy world of our own. I want a reality-based community, is that too much to ask?

[Yes. Much too much to ask of DUmmieland.]

These days, however, reality is taking a back seat on DU in favor of the new flavor of the month - "If I want it it must be true. Therefore, I shall pretend that it is."

[Okay Dorothy. Now lean back, close your eyes, and repeat three times: "Karl Rove was indicted on May 12! Karl Rove was indicted on May 12! Karl Rove was indicted on May 12!"]

Late breaking DU news... Karl Rove was indicted last week by Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald in the Valerie Plame affair. Details are lacking and we like it, but what the hell... it sounds good so run with it.

[Break out the victory champagne! Freudenschade, baby!]

If only they had known what an Army uninform looks like...
... the trick/stunt would have worked! Damn!!!!

[Damn that Faker MacBeth for not researching his scam carefully enough!]

Has Roves finger prints all over it. Pay some to lie, so that the real ones get discounted......

[The obligatory "It was all Karl Rove's fault" posting.]

well if that's the case, he sure has Iraq Veterans Against the War...pretty well fooled. Somehow I think that's unlikely. Not inconceivable I suppose, but you'd think they'd spot a fake pretty quickly.

[Unless, gasp, they were fake vets as well.]

It seemed like a hoax.

[It seemed like Hoaxmas?]

I am listening to his account now, though this is an awful story, unfortunately, it sounds REAL to me.

[A True Believer to the Bitter End and probably still waiting to see the May 12 date on the Rove indictment papers.]

When this blows up in this kid's face he can intern for Jason Leopold. He'll have an equal amount of credibility.

[MacBeth will become Jason Leopold's personal Monica.]

He could very well suffer from some kind of grandiose delusion syndrome

[aka William Rivers Pitt Syndrome.]

This guy has not even told the truth about himself. He has not told the truth about his service. The unit he says he served in Falujah with was at Ft. Benning at the time. No. I WILL NOT believe him on this one. As far as Jesse MacBeth is concerned, I believe he has to have someone else call his dog because not even Fido believes anything he says.

[How about Robert Luskin's cat with the healthy stools?]

The guy is a poser, and this story smells real bad. Remember the Rovian trick of "discrediting the source"? Stay vigilant. To me, it feels like this guy is the new TANG documents, a "fishing expedition" of a semi-believable story that is later easy to refute and ridicule. Don't bite.

[Too late. The DUmmies have already been hooked, landed, and gutted.]

Stay alert. If Rove is doing it, others will pick up on it. This could be some kind of right-wing discrediting hoax, or even a cadre of lefties trying to "heighten the contradictions" by publishing false information (sad but true). I'd hate to imagine anyone in gov't would stoop so low as to put this guy out there to discredit IVAW.

[Avoid being sucked into the vortex of the Perfect Rovian Storm while on your way to the Crow Feast.]

Monday, May 22, 2006

"Did Gonzales Kill Fitz's Rove Indictments?"

Okay, here is the latest in the Hoaxmas saga. TruthOut followed up their first Partial Birth Apology with a SECOND Partial Birth Apology in which they AGAIN said nothing except they were sticking by their Hoaxmas story through Hell or High Water. As for Pied Piper Pitt. He is still MIA and is suspected of hiding out in the Furorbunker in the desperate hope that he can beat back the Hoaxmas backlash. Rumor has it that he is deluding himself with fantasy scenarios in which Hoaxmax may still turn out to be true. And he might be getting some sustenance from this Daily Kos FANTASY titled, "Did Gonzales Kill Fitz's Rove Indictments?" According to this latest delusion, Rove really was indicted during a 15 hour lockdown (later amended to ALL DAY Friday and into Saturday night by the second TruthOut "explanation") of the the entire 4th floor of Patton Boggs but that indictment was KILLED by the Attorney General. Of course, to believe that story, one needs to believe that the cat of Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin, was not taken to the vet on that same day to check on the health of its STOOLS. Jason Leopold has stated that he will now try to disprove Luskin's alibi by calling every vet in a 20 mile radius of Washington, D.C.. So let us now explore the latest Leftist Fitzmas fantasy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who is dedicating this DUFU edition to Luskin's cat with the healthy stools, is in the [brackets]:

The Wayne Madsen Report and the Chris Matthews Show have both floated the theory that Fitzgerald had secured indictments against Rove, but Gonzales --via McNulty-- came in at the last second and used his power as Fitzgerald's superior to kill the indictments.

[Wayne Madsen is considered to be so unreliable that his reports have been BANNED from DUmmieland which judging from what is normally permitted there must some sort of new low in lack of credibility. But continue my appropriately named Kossack, JiggyFlunknut...]

IF, this theory is true, Fitzgerald would have likely challenged McNulty's decision in court, pointing to an earlier administrative directive from then acting Attorney General James Comey that gave Fitzerald the "authority of the Attorney General." Comey is long gone, however, and was replaced by McNulty. The question then becomes what, if any, value does Comey's administrative directive have today.

[A very big IF there, Flunknut. And the theory is easily disproven by the Luskin cat stool check.]

One unfortunate realty of this scenario is that if the judge sides with McNulty, we will never know what really happened, because it will remained sealed. Which, is one explanation about why Rove is acting so smug these days and why the White House has not pulled back his public schedule.

[Or maybe Rove is so smug because he knows that a sample of the Luskin cat stools stored in a vet's lockbox in the D.C. area gives him a rock solid alibi that he never even met with Fitzgerald on May 12. And now to let the other Kossacks chime in...]

This would be a big deal.

[IF true. However, that big IF is a gigantic Firewall keeping this fantasy from breaking through to reality.]

We're talking Wayne Madsen, for Dog's sake!

[In this case, for Cat's stools!]

Even worse is to create a set of tools that are designed to perpetuate the thousand year reich and then lose power due to overwhelming incompetence in the execution if not the plan, so that your enemies now have the Patriot Act and warrantless surveilance with which to check out the money laundering of big oil, Halliburton and the Military Industrial Complex.

[You mean create a set of stools.]

I believe certain members of the Press have just about had it with Gonzales' shit.

[I believe certain members of the Press have just about had it with Lukin's cat stools.]

I'm kind of stalling for time here...

[Or stooling for time here...]

It scared the living shit out of me. I think with this latest revalation of Gonzales "we can do whatever we want" doctrine of law, it scares me even more.

[The living cat stools will scare you even more.]

Cases can be sealed for any number of reasons.

[There's a much great reason to seal cat stools.]

i was suing my boyfriend for custody of the cats and didn't want you guys to know about it

[The important thing is, did you also get custody of the cat stools?]

have some people eating crow. Jason Leopold may have been right afterall.

[Jason Leopold is right now doing some intense journalistic investigation by going into Robert Luskin's trash and checking out the cat stools for evidence in this case.]

I won't even entertain it as an option until I can find a link for Sealed v. Sealed

[You'd be better off trying to find a link for Cat Stool v Stool Pigeon.]

It depresses me so much to think that this could possibly be true. Unfortunately, history and the psychology of this administration makes this and other horrid events plausable. I mourn for our country's loss of every ideal it stood for.

[But wouldn't your mourning be balanced out by the JOY of finding out that the Luskin cat stools are okay?]

Leopold was right vis-a-vis the indictments, what could hold them up indefinitely or dismiss them? Is there anything outside of a plea agreement, aside from firing Fitz, that could keep an indictment from being served?

[Yes. Check the prophetic cat stools for the answers.]

Folks, I don't care which side of the aisle you're on, bullshit is bullshit. It's not that I don't want Leopold to be right, it's just that he's not right. He's a liar, he's an asshole and the fact that so many people are now going to excuse him thanks to YET ANOTHER lie about this just pisses me off.

[I don't care which side of the aisle you're on, cat stools are cat stools.]

Since Fitz represents the governemnt officially, it wiil have to be a bribe to the Judge. So a black satchel is my speculation.

[A black stool is my speculation.]

report it 24-7, or just give it the Downing Street Memoranda Treatment?

[Downing Street Memos are excellent material for wrapping up cat stools.]

I remember the day this story broke - down to where I was and who I was with - as clearly as I remember the day Kennedy was assassinated

[Let me guess. You were at the vet in order to have your cat's stools checked?]

Research? Evidence? Those things have no place in a diary like this!

[Or in a TruthOut story.]

I'd like to hear the opinions of a lot of other people on how likely this is.

[Somewhere between Nil and None.]

Does this mean that if Fitz decides NOT to indict Rove, he will not announce that fact?

[Only after NOT spending 15 hours in a lockdown on the 4th floor of Patton Boggs.]

This is the "quiet" Saturday Night Massacre.

[According to TruthOut the Patton Boggs lockdown lasted ALL DAY Friday into Saturday Night thus making a "Saturday Night Massacre" possible.]

This foaming-at-the-mouth speculation accomplishes zilch. Jason Leopold overreached badly. There's no point in inventing conspiracy theories to explain his failure.

[I was kind of fond of the conspiracy theory about a Patton Boggs lockdown that lasted all day Friday into Saturday night.]

I'd love to take to the streets. I'd love to "crash the gates" more than metaphorically. The Plame leak was just one more proof to me that the America I love is nearly dead. I'm willing to die a horrible death to revive it.

[I bet you wouldn't be willing to sleep with cat stools to revive it.]

Citing Wayne Madsen is unacceptable.

[But FUn!]

Stupid diaries like this one Should NOT be recommended.

[However they should be DUFUed.]

Why doesn't everybody take a deep breath, take a step back, and recognize that EVERYONE who is progressive and Democratic is under a LOT of stress as we do what we can to hold the fragments of our country together by keeping our fingers in the cracks of the dam. Karl Rove is the epitome of what makes the Bush Administration so malevolent, so deceitful and destructive to the good names and lives of many decent Americans; and I'm second to NO ONE in wanting him to get his just desserts. However, I think WE'RE ALL STARTING TO FREAK OUT A LITTLE because we're so DAMNED IMPATIENT...and what results is speculation after speculation after bad report after bad journalism--and thus, our response to it is to start going at each other's f*cking throats?

[Watching Leftists FREAK OUT is FUn to watch!]

I don't know which is more annoying: the way some people here pretend they know what the f*ck they're talking about, when they don't have a clue, or the unrestrained hostility they have for people who actually know of what they speak.

[I just LOVE these Lose/Lose situations!]

Maybe we can get ct to create a filter that autmatically puts a clown suit on any diary that contains the strings Wayne Madsen and/or Jason Leopold. I think that would take care of the problem.

[Or a pile of cat stools on any such diary.]

This diary really pissed me off. I'm still very upset that no indictments of Rove have come down yet. I really hope this diary is wrong. At the same time -- what is going on??? There is no way you can convince me that Fitzgerald doesn't have enough to indict. Sure he has. WHY HASN'T IT HAPPENED??? I'm getting pissed at Fitzgerald at this point. If Rove walks away from this, I swear....

[....I'll never look at another cat stool again.]

This is bullshit. Shut your f*cking piehole about the psychiatrist stuff. Call the guy an asshole. Tell him he's delusional. Gang up on him with Armando, and anyone else who feels like piling on. But please shut up with all your comments about mental illness and psychiatrists.

[Support mental health or I'LL KILL YOU!!!]

As someone who has been diagnosed with chronic clinical depression who takes a daily maximum dose of Zoloft, I think I am perfectly entitled to tell someone else that they're crazy.

[It takes one to know one.]

Just let the process work, and kill the bullshit baseless specualting. Leave that to the pros such as Leoplold.

[Finally, Jason Leopold gets the proper respect for his body of work.]

Because of this insanity we are giving all the talking heads and Rightwing blogs ammunition to smack us down and call us foolish and conspiracy theorist.

[Hee! Hee!]