DUmmie FUnnies 03-14-06 (Pied Piper Pitt's Shameless Kerry Shilling)

So what was the "JOYOUS" political news yesterday that had almost all of DUmmieland rejoicing? It was the news that Senator Russ Feingold called for a censure of Bush in the Senate. Of course the celebrations were only temporary since Feingold's fellow Democrats in the Senate correctly saw this censure motion as nothing but self-serving grandstanding on his part to further his presidential ambitions. Already the mood in DUmmieland is changing from outright jubiliation over the censure motion to OUTRAGE at the Senate Democrats because this motion is going NOWHERE. However, in the meantime it has been extremely amusing to watch Pied Piper Pitt take advantage of the Feingold moment in the sun yesterday to ingratiate himself with the Kerry camp by posting this THREAD right in the midst of the DUmmieland Finegold Censure celebrations titled, "Two personal experiences with John Kerry, and why I'd support him..." Before we proceed further with analysis of Pied Piper's Pitt's Kerry fawning thread, I must issue this IMPORTANT disclaimer: Pied Piper Pitt NEVER EVER had any contact with the Communist A.N.S.W.E.R. comrades at any time in the past nor will do so in the future. Even though his PDA.Org outfit was heavily involved with A.N.S.W.E.R. in organizing the forgotten September D.C. that was completely buried under the Hurricane Rita news, Pitt himself kept himself hermetically protected from the A.N.S.W.E.R. microbes by sealing himself off in a giant body condom. Okay, now that I got the disclaimer out of the way, let's now observe Pitt's shameless shilling in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Pitt was also keeping the door open to Hillary in another shameless shill thread, is in the [brackets]:

Two personal experiences with John Kerry, and why I'd support him...if he runs again in '08.

[$$$$$$$$$$$]

It seems that every time Kerry's name is mentioned on DU, specifically in any kind of context regarding 2008, there are howls of indignation and dismay. This is, to no small degree, understandable; he voted for the IWR way back when, albeit with solid comments on the parameters of that vote, and he conceded the 2004 election before any kind of hard look could be taken at what took place in Ohio.

[Kerry has your back, Pitt.]

Fair enough. My purpose for this post isn't to try and talk anyone out of their opinions of the man, or to convince them that those opinions are wrong. Rather, I want to share two personal experiences I had with the man while covering the last presidential election. These experiences, for my money, speak volumes about him as a person and as a candidate.

[The purpose of this post is to shamelessly SHILL for Kerry in the MIDST of the Feingold censure celebrations in DUmmieland in the hope that the Kerry camp will notice how Pied Piper Pitt stood up for their man and will offer him some of Mrs. Heinz's $$$$$ to work officially for them in the future. Of course, Pitt also posted a quick Hillary shill post for the same purpose recently.]

The first experience took place at the New York City apartment of Al Franken in December of 2003. In attendance were Franken and his wife Franni; Rick Hertzberg, senior editor for the New Yorker; David Remnick, editor for the New Yorker; Jim Kelly, managing editor for Time Magazine; Howard Fineman, chief political correspondent for Newsweek; Jeff Greenfield, senior correspondent and analyst for CNN; Frank Rich, columnist for the New York Times; Eric Alterman, author and columnist for MSNBC and the Nation; Art Spiegelman, Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist/author of 'Maus'; Richard Cohen, columnist for the Washington Post; Fred Kaplan, columnist for Slate; Jacob Weisberg, editor of Slate and author; Jonathan Alter, senior editor and columnist for Newsweek; Philip Gourevitch, columnist for the New Yorker; Calvin Trillin, freelance writer and author; Edward Jay Epstein, investigative reporter and author; Arthur Schlesinger, Jr., who needs no introduction.

[Name dropper. Oh, and was Kelly's original name, "Kohn?"]

In other words, the heaviest swordsmen of political journalism. DUer Pete Daou was working for the Kerry campaign and finagled an invitation for me, and so there I sat with all these serious people in Franken's apartment. Kerry came in with two staffers, sat in the middle of all these people, and took questions for about three hours.

["Psst! Will! I can get you in on the Kerry gravy train too if you just sit there and pretend to be interested in what the journalist celebs say."]

Think about that a second. Three hours. There are not a whole lot of big-time politicians, Republican or Democrat, who could withstand that kind of intense on-the-record grilling from that kind of crew. There aren't many who would volunteer willingly to do so. To be sure, Bush would never in hell put himself in that position. Kerry did, and did magnificently. He handled every question and ran from none.

[Think about that a second. Kerry took three hours away from his Davos ski slopes time to pretend to be interested in what we had to say. There are not many politicians who would be interested in making that sacrifice. Oh, and if you were having such meeting with Kerry at the end of 2003, WHY were you working for the cash poor Kucinich campaign just a month later until you were fired for secretly working for the Kerry campaign at the same time?]

A few weeks later, I caught up with Kerry while he was riding the rods in New Hampshire and rode with him and his crew in their van on the way to a high school confab with environmentally-conscious teenagers. His manner with his staff was exceedingly casual, and he was nothing but friendly to me. To be sure, it could easily have been an act - I have gained some firsthand experience in the difference between how politicians treat staff when reporters are present and how they treat staff when reporters are not there - but I got a sense that this was a genuine person.

[Young, juicy, hot-looking high school teenage chicks wearing tight pants and... Oh, but I digress. Back to my Kerry fable...]

He got to the high school and there were maybe 50 kids in the room, along with Jeff Greenfield and other big-time MSM folks. Kerry gave an extraordinary talk on the need for a new energy policy focused on alternative fuels. He described it not only as important for the planet, but as a front-and-center national security issue.

[And I bet Pitt took at least one of the high school teenage chicks aside for a private session to describe Kerry's energy policy in detail.]

"When I came back from Vietnam," he said at one point, "I became involved in Earth Day. This was 1970, and then I was chairman of Earth Day in New England in 1990. We actually painted Storrow Drive biodegradable green, and we had hundreds of booths up and down the Charles River showing people what the technologies of the future could do. I've been chairman of the Oceans Committee in the Senate. I?ve written our fisheries laws, I've written our plastics pollution laws, our marine mammal protection laws, our flood insurance laws, our coastal zone management laws. I was in Rio for the Earth Summit in 1990. I was at Buenos Aires, Kyoto, The Hague for the global warming conferences. I've helped negotiate with the less developed countries on those issues. I led the fight to stop Newt Gingrich from literally killing the Clean Air Act. I led the fight as a Lieutenant Governor to make acid rain a national issue, and it's now in the Clean Air Act. I led the fight to stop the drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. I come to this race with a long and passionate record of caring about the environment."

[Kerry was in Vietnam? This is ASTOUNDING news! I NEVER heard that before. It looks like that 1970 Earth Day memory was seared, SEARED into his mind. Oh, and I love the way all those sentences begin with "I." I do. I do. I do. I I I I I I do.]

"Sometimes in America," he continued "the environment becomes a really bad discussion. People like George Bush and his friends will say, 'You have a choice. You can have a job, or you can have a clean environment.' Have you ever heard that argument? Jobs or environment, right? It's a false choice. Cleaning up the environment can be jobs. In Massachusetts, the fastest-growing part of our economy is environmental companies that do clean-up of toxic waste and chemicals, and to consult with companies so they don't spit out dirty water and the like. I'm convinced that a good President can help bring the country together in a way that doesn't lose us jobs, and in a way that helps create a better future, and that's why I'm running. That's why I'm here."

["People like George Bush and his friends will say, 'You have a choice. You can either allow us to pour arsenic into your ground water or melt all the glaciers.'"]

So this is it for me. Yes, he has made some bad decisions. Yes, there is reason to be pissed at the man. But I think about his willingness to wade into a three-hour confrontation with the editors and writers of the heaviest political publications in the country. I think about how well he stood his ground, made his arguments (and apologies, in regards to the IWR vote). I think about him talking to those kids at that school, about how utterly genuine is his desire to defend the environment and, in the process, defend our economy, the planet and our national security. I think about how goddam smart he is, and how both these instances displayed that intelligence so completely clearly.

[Yes, so BRAVE of Kerry to "confront" liberal editors and writers who basically agree with him on everything. Oh, and I am sure you spent a lot of time thinking about him talking to those kids at that school. Actually you weren't thinking about Kerry all that much. Your thoughts were on those kids at that school wearing tight little pants and glossy lipstick and...]

I think he would make a magnificent president, and I think it is nothing less than a full-spectrum calamity that he is not president right now. If he ran again, I am not sure I would support him in the primaries, simply because I do not know who else will be running. But if he gets the nomination, he will have 100% of my support and energy. I don't base this decision on what I've read at DU or elsewhere, but on what I have seen from the man with my own two eyes.

[Trust me, Pitt. You will support Kerry in the primaries once Mrs. Heinz flashes $$$$ in front of your greedy little eyes. There are Bukowski bar tabs to be paid.]

*donning flame suit*

[Flame suit made of asbestos lined with green dollars.]

So take that for whatever it is worth.

[I bet you are hoping that this shameless shill is worth lots of $$$$...]

(PS, Franken has the coolest bathroom in the history of plumbing. It is festooned with Nixon memorabilia; he has the photo of Elvis signing up to be an honorary DEA agent with those catastrophically zooted eyes, a dozen other bits and pieces, and the best thing - the original "I hereby resign" letter recieved by Kissinger that bears Kissinger's initialed I-read-this signature at the bottom. It is framed right above the toilet. Best piss I ever took in my life.)

[I saw the same "original" resignation letter at the Flea Market selling for $2.95. And now on to rantings of the DUmmie Peanut Gallery...]

If Kerry wants to run again he better dump those f*cking advisers. He better speak his mind forcefully and truthfully and leave the centrist crap to the dead armadillos.

[Including unpaid wannabee advisers like Pied Piper Pitt.]

In retrospect, he's well aware of which staffers did not have his best interests at heart, and they are no longer working for him.

[Such as Carville and Begala. We know where their interests lie. A bit further south than Boston.]

What was his answer to why he supported an illegal war of aggression against a disarmed country that was no threat to the US or anyone else? Surely in such an august gathering of political journalists, someone asked some flavor of that question. I'd really be interested in Kerry's answer.

[Kerry was FOR the war before he was AGAINST it. Perhaps Pied Piper Pitt can now enlighten us with Kerry's non-answer with his amazing powers of Bukowski Bouncer Recall...]

"Senator," said Alterman, "I think you may be the most qualified candidate in the race, and perhaps also the one who best represents my own values. But there was one overriding issue facing this nation during the past four years, and Howard Dean was there when it counted, and you weren't. A lot of people feel that moment entitles him to their vote, even if you have a more progressive record and would be a stronger candidate in November. How are you going to win back those people who you lost with your vote for this awful war?"

"This was the hardest vote I have ever had to cast in my entire career," Kerry said. "I voted for the resolution to get the inspectors in there, period. Remember, for seven and a half years we were destroying weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. In fact, we found more stuff there than we thought we would. After that came those four years when there was no intelligence available about what was happening over there. I believed we needed to get the weapons inspectors back in. I believed Bush needed this resolution in order to get the U.N. to put the inspectors back in there. The only way to get the inspectors back in was to present Bush with the ability to threaten force legitimately. That's what I voted for."

"The way Powell, Eagleberger, Scowcroft, and the others were talking at the time," continued Kerry, "I felt confident that Bush would work with the international community. I took the President at his word. We were told that any course would lead through the United Nations, and that war would be an absolute last resort. Many people I am close with, both Democrats and Republicans, who are also close to Bush told me unequivocally that no decisions had been made about the course of action. Bush hadn't yet been hijacked by Wolfowitz, Perle, Cheney and that whole crew. Did I think Bush was going to charge unilaterally into war? No. Did I think he would make such an incredible mess of the situation? No. Am I angry about it? You're God damned right I am. I chose to believe the President of the United States. That was a terrible mistake."

[Thank you for that WORD FOR WORD recital of Kerry's looong non-answer as he was evading the question. But WAIT! There's MORE!]

The most revealing moment of the entire event came as it was breaking up. Kerry was slowly working towards the door when he was collared by Art Spiegelman. Though Kerry towered over him, Spiegelman appeared to grow with the intensity of his passion. "Senator," he said, "the best thing you could do is to is to just come out and say that you were wrong to trust Bush. Say that you though he would keep his promises, but that you gave him more credit than he deserved. Say that you?re sorry, and then turn the debate towards what is best for the country in 2004."

Kerry nodded, bowed his head, and said, "You're right. I was wrong to trust him. I'm sorry I did." And then he was gone.

[And then he was gone...gone to the ski slopes of Davos.]

Unfortunately (and this is my biggest beef with Kerry)...
he did gloss over Bush's absence of integrity in PUBLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kerry supported the war in public while opposing it in private. It was a bold stand on his part.]

Kerry claimed OBL video released before the ekection did him in. pure rubbish!

[Correct. It was the Diebold machines that did him in.]

What I never understood...right after that meeting you went to Kucinich. I never understood that. Was it January you become part of the Kucinich campaign? Or early February.

[Stand by as Pied Piper Pitt attempts to explain why he was two-faced...]

I went to Kucinich because he offered me a job, because I thought what he was saying needed to be a part of the discussion. Welcome to the "Questioning my Motives" club. You and Koko should get t-shirts or something.

[You went to Kucinich because Kerry needed to find out what pesky things the Evil Elf could come up with from the inside. Therefore you were ensconced deep within the Kucinich campaign to feed that potentially damaging material to the Kerry people. Oh, and would you like a DUmmie FUnnies T-Shirt?]

He is a stellar human being. He's warm, friendly, down to earth, a great listener, and completely accommodating.

[Kerry is wonderful. He has an incredible sense of humor. Friendly to people who accidentally knock him down on the ski slopes. Oh, and he wears an EXTRA-LARGE jockstrap which is almost as large as Hillary's.]

I voted for him, and I'd vote for him again. HOWEVER
he NEEDS to work with someone to learn how to make his speech clear, concise, and simple. There were too many times that I heard him speak and his mode of communication is simply too formal and complicated for the average American.

[That Nuance Removal will take quite some time.]

Some days he got it, and some days he didn't

[He didn't get it on Election Day 2004.]

Thank you, Will, for taking the time to share this with us.
I think firsthand accounts and experiences are so important and help people to understand who they are dealing with. I happen to be a Kerry fan, which doesn't hurt, but you just reinforced my uninformed opinion.

[Yes, that WORD FOR WORD Bukowski Bouncer Perfect Recall ability that Pied Piper Pitt has is certainly useful.]

Watch Kerry schmoozing a crowd..thats class.

[Watch Pitt smooching students..while in high school class.]

Thank you for this thread.

[Thank you for this Forget About Feingold Wanna Ingratiate Myself Again With Kerry thread.]

Why don't you right now sign up as Kerry's campaign manager....
You are supposedly Progressive yet you constantly "look backward." I know you don't care for my opinions...but I AM a PROGRESSIVE and I really can't get where you come from. You seem to "play both sides against the middle" for your own ends as to where you position yourself. I don't have a problem with you being a young guy and needing to make a living but...I do with people who "prostrate their soul" for profit when it eats into their souls and will eventually cause them to have some bad stuff to deal with in their lives down the road.

[And DUmmie KoKo01 WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity.]

You are a strange person.

[Replies Pied Piper Pitt to DUmmie KoKo01 lamely.]

There's nothing on your PDA link about VVP Ballot so, Will,
where is their effort on this critical vote integrity issue affecting every state this spring due to the Pug's HAVA act buy of new machines. And down here in a red state, we are not aware of Kerry working to assure that we get auditable, recountable machines. Remember, "we will count every vote" ...hope this time that it counts.

[You can try and try all you want, DUmmie KoKo01, but the previous LAME non-reply from Pitt is as good as you'll get.]

I've not seen Will as a Rep of PDA take a stand on this, though...but I DO KNOW that Will fought hard for Gore vote to be acknowleged. I think after that as all young folks do...he had to go where he could make a living.

[Money talks, BS walks.]

Kerry is our best chance to "stop Hillary" if she is thinking of running and that's a big "if".

[As big an "IF" as in "IF" the sun rises in the morning.]

I loved the Kerry/Edwards ticket. The sunshine boys...remember? What the f*ck happened? I'll never understand.

[It's simple. They LOST.

THEY WON !! Bush and Rove rigged the election! Where have you been for the past ungodly year? Understand yet??

[Oops! My error.]

I've had fifty people today either question my motives, challenge my progressive credentials, or do psychoanalysis of me based upon family history. I'm a little too easy to annoy today.

[Then bury your annoyance in a bottle at Bukowski's, Pitt.]

Cheesuz Will, you're from Boston or functionally so anyway. How the hell do you get through these long, strange, argumentative threads without ever once uttering the phrase: 'Bite me. Just bite me.' I can't do it. What is the secret?

[Stand by as Pied Piper Pitt tells us his secret...]

Scotch

[LOTS of Scotch, Pitt. At Bukowski's.]

Well, my sense is that Kerry is a phony and you are just fooled by him. If this post were about Al Gore being an "at the core" good person, then I'd buy what you are saying. On the other hand I don't think Kerry is evil, a stooge, or any of that. However, he is just a politician and it seems like you've been taken in by a politician's charm.

[There is NO Kerry charm to be taken in by. It's all about the Benjamins and Pitt wants some care of Mrs. Heinz.]

On Sunday, I watched in in Nashua (spelling) (c-span Road to the White House). He bored me to tears...

[But...but what about Kerry's "charm" mentioned previously? Oh well, time for Pied Piper Pitt to launch a Kerry Charm Thread in his next blatant Shill routine.]