DUmmie FUnnies 01-08-06 ("I don't understand why Diebold can't steal it even if we win big")

ATTENTION DUMMIES! WE OWN ALL YOUR DIEBOLD MACHINES!!! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO VOTE! DO NOT ENTER THE POLL BOOTH!!! VOTING WILL DO YOU NO GOOD BECAUSE ALL DIEBOLDS ARE PRE-SET TO VOTE REPUBLICAN! YOUR PARTICIPATION IN ANY FUTURE ELECTION IS ALREADY DOOMED TO FAILURE SO SAVE YOURSELF THE FRUSTRATION BY STAYING HOME ON ELECTION DAY! THIS PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU CARE OF YOUR FRIENDLY VAST RIGHTWING CONSPIRACY!!! And if you think the DUmmies don't buy into the preceding statements then I urge you to check out this THREAD titled, "I don't understand why Diebold can't steal it even if we win big." Of course, the answer is that Diebold WILL steal it NO MATTER WHAT. So let us now descend into the depths of DUmmie Paranoia blaring out in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, programming a few Diebold Machines to vote the "right" way, is in the [brackets]:

I don't understand why Diebold can't steal it even if we win big.

[Just to set your mind at ease, Diebold is set to steal it NO MATTER WHAT.]

Won't they just readjust the tabulators when polls indicate Dems are far ahead? Those freaks don't care if an election theft is blatant, they just want to keep their evil power hold on this nation. Is there something I'm missing here?

[Rational thought is what you are missing but since you MUST know, the tabulators have been updated and can be "readjusted" via powerful infrared beams 30 yards away.]

I'd think . . . if the exit polls are something like 49/51 or thereabouts, they can claim faulty exit polls. If they are something like 65/45, that would be an obviously ridiculous thing to say. Wouldn't put it past them though. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

[If the polls are something like 65/45 we can claim that Democrat voters from the graveyard are working overtime...as usual.]

I totally agree with you. I believe the reasoning is it would be too obvious, but do you really expect these guys are going to turnover the reigns? Not me. Look at the Ohio Voter initiatives from last fall. Polls showed they were winning 60-40 but the Blackwellian results howed them losing 30-70. There was no way Blackwell could afford for them to win and there is no way the neocons want to relinquish power, as well.

[Blackwellian results emanating from the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

They will do whatever it takes to win. We gotta stop Diebold

[WARNING: Any attempt to stop Diebold will automatically activate Skynet.]

The one hope I have about Diebold...
...is that they are teatering on so many different levels right now , that they'd have to be completely BRAINDEAD to not be paranoid.

[Are they teatering on the left teat or the right teat?]

Once the coup is complete, Dieboldesque voting may be the law of the land, literally.

[Dieboldesque: The new rightwing odor soon to sold at your local perfume counter.]

North Carolina is Diebold free. So that is one they can't steal. Even though some stupid democrats are fighting to get them back in NC.

[Even though some stupid democrats are too stupid to know that Diebold machines are unnecessary in North Carolina since that state ALWAYS votes Republican in the Presidential elections. Just ask John Edwards if you can pull him away from his beauty compact.]

I swear I think all this BBV stuff is blown out of proportions by Repubs just to make Dems stop voting. I've seen it, too. I've worked polls where Dem voters were practically in tears about having to vote on a machine that wasn't even Diebold. The woman I'm thinking about didn't even vote she was so depressed.

[More Democrats should be similarly encouraged.]

They can't rig all the elections.

[True. We still allow you to win a Dog Catcher post or two.]

The machines have clocks. Code can be time sensitive.
Corruption code can be triggered by it being an election day and not work at all during "off" hours.

[Those little tiny time pills are always set to vote Republican when needed.]

The essential thing to remember is that the current administration came to power in a coup, and will never give up that power willingly. Don't cloud the issue by arguing that Democrats have a better plan or that Republicans have destroyed the economy not to mention we're in the midst of an illegal war. Nothing that rational matters.

[Correct. Nothing rational matters to the DUmmies.]

I am floundering around in a sea of confusion and angst about the state of the nation. What has come to be was a long time in the making, and undoing it won't happen overnight. I was sleeping soundly until the dawn of change woke me abruptly. I doubt I will slumber peacefully again.

[Welcome to a world of Pied Piper Pitt insomnia (he hasn't slept since April).]