DUmmie FUnnies 04-29-05 ("Am I the only person to have a 'physical reaction' to Bush?")

If you want to really annoy a DUmmie, just show him a picture of George W. Bush. Often this will also cause the DUmmies' pulse rate to rise dramatically, teeth to grind, and a strong urge to leave a massive load in their diapers as described in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Am I the only person to have a ‘physical reaction’ to Bush?” The answer to that DUmmie question is “NO,” and you are not the only person to have a MENTAL reaction to Bush. Actually the physical reaction is but the outer symptom of a SEVERE medical condition in which DUmmies go absolutely BONKERS when reminded by the mere sight of Bush that they LOST the election in 2004 (after gloatingly celebrating their exit poll “victory” on Election Day). So let us descend into the bizarre mental world of DUmmieland as the DUmmies unembarrassingly shout out their lunacy in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, giving the electro-shock therapy battery a boost, is in the [brackets];

Am I the only person to have a "physical reaction" to Bush?

[No. Thousands of your fellow DUmmies are similarly unbalanced.]

Seriously. I hear "President Bush" and my ears and cheeks burn. When I see him via TV, my abdomen gets tight and my heart rate goes up. When I listen to him, my forehead tightens, my teeth grind and my temples hurt.

[It’s when your diaper gets overloaded with brown sludge that you really have to start worrying.]

I have NEVER had such physical reactions to any human being in my entire life!!! To me, such an experience is totally new and strange.

[I guess the sight of Saddam Hussein merely made you feel warm and fuzzy.]

Am I the only person who is having - has had this experience with any particular person?

[Trust me. You have plenty of company in your insanity, DUmmie Just Me, so let us now observe your fellow inmates.]

I have the same thing. When he comes on the radio in a news report or something, I switch it off as fast as I can. He is not welcome in my home (or my car).

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can't listen to him in the car...If I hear his voice, I'm filled with such revulsion that if another vehicle with any sort of "W" or Neoclannish stickers on it drives by when I'm suffering from fits of Shrub-induced rage and nausea, they run the risk of being cursed out and flipped off at the very least. It's like a terrible fog in front of my eyes.

[I must remember to drive by you in my VW with a George W. Bush speech blaring from my loudspeakers.]

It's the fastest I move when he or his voice appear. As for pictures in newspapers, I keep a Sharpie handy and simply black him out. Yes, it's a visceral and intense reaction. I can see a picture of Hitler and have the same reaction.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

Complete revulsion here. The sound of his voice literally makes me nauseous.

[So that’s why you are constantly barfing on yourself.]

I hate the sound of his voice and detest his smirky ugly face. Everything about him makes my skin crawl. I refuse to watch or listen to him. I've tried and all it does is put ugly thoughts in my mind. I don't need it. May he rot in hell.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

My stomach turns, my eczema flares up and I get a headache. I also get a strange urge to gouge my eyes out or to stick needles in them.

[Be my guest.]

shouting profanities at the top of my lungs seems to take the edge off.

[Yes, it does seem to take the edge off your mind.]

My blood pressure goes way up everytime I just watch him because what I "see" is deception with pleasure,...or something. It's disturbing. Actually, listening to him is far worse, though. That experience really brings meaning to the "head exploding" phrase.

[<>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I can stand to look at a still photo of him, but if it's moving and has a soundtrack of him talking, I f*cking lose my lunch.

[The POWER our mighty Emperor, Chimpus Khan, has over you is amazing to behold.]

My husband screams, I feel neausus. My father (Vietnam vet) has taken up throwing things across the room. My mother simply leaves the room (probably to avoid flying objects from my angry father) and busies herself instead of, as she says, "no longer acting like a lady" (she's Southern.)

[Mass insanity, all in one family.]

He gave me Colitis. I kid you not. I have such a visceral reaction to the idiot that the stress of him being in Al Gore's WH, his destruction of our country, his LOOKS , the way he talks, the way he walks...EVERYTHING about him PISSES ME OFF. I'm getting mad right now just thinking about him!....He gave me Colitis. My doctor asked me if I had been under any stress and I couldn't go into one of my anti-Bush rants, so I just told him...no. The bastard made me sick...literally. I NEVER watch him when he's on TV. I just cannot do it. I go into a rage. I truly do detest the man.

[Bush also gave you your uncontrollable drool from your overflowing bile.]

Never have detested any other person as much as I detest that man. Just the sight of him angers me. Or a news report about him, sets me off. Or listening to his supporters makes my blood pressure go through the roof. Or hearing the MSM fawn over him royally pisses me off!! That's why my TV stays on C-SPAN all day long. I do not want to hear one thing from or about that creature.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

That nasal whine hits my ear drums like an icepick. I turn the sound off immediately. I do not know what would happen if I subjected myself to more than a few seconds of this idiot.

[We now know what torture to subject you to in Room 101.]

ust that *smirk* makes me feel like menopause on steroids.... make that menopause on PCP. That *smirk*, that voice, that psychotic arrogance... I can't stand anything, NOT ANYTHING, NOT ONE DAMN THING, about that *%H$)(#$)$%*%*$!!! I flip the channel as soon as there's the slightest possibility of him desecrating my TV. If I don't do it quickly enough, I'm cussing up a blue streak in a way that would put a well traveled sailor to shame... and if my windows are open, the neighbors get an earful. (Keep in mind that if a man cusses in my presence, he typically excuses his indiscretion very politely... perhaps he thinks I might be offended) I am not typically foul-mouthed, but that WH Resident seems to bring this reaction out in me... quite vociferously.

[Uh…speaking of psychotic…]

I get a terrible bout of diarrhea every time he speaks...Would that count?

[Por seguro. La caca en los pantalones cuenta.]

I just get really tense when I see his smiling face. It has to be bad for my blood pressure. They should have warnings like they do on cigarette labels that say something like "This president is bad for your health".

[“WARNING: The sight of a smiling President may be hazardous to an enraged DUmmie’s Mental Health.”]

he makes my body create negative chemicals that piss me off, upsets my stomach and makes it tighter to breathe.

[Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it impossible for you to breath.]

I scream until I can turn off the image or sound bite featuring that one who calls himself the president. I also emit curses and imprecations.

[You forgot to mention your diarrhea and bile emissions.]

I experience a very real stomach churn when I see his image. It is neither a figure of speech nor hyperbole. I grit my teeth when I hear his voice and I've noticed my shoulders tense.

[I’ve also noticed the rabid foam forming around your lips.]

My heart starts beating rapidly. I know my blood pressure must go up. My stomach gets really sick. I think my nostrils even flair!

[Followed by your cojones dropping off.]

I couldn't bear to hear Reagan either. Smarmy insincerity and blatant ignorance, the outright lies, said with a smile in patronizing, condescending tones, it's all just too repugnant to experience, even via tv or radio.

[Reagan? Wasn’t he the one who caused you to have doody explosions in your pants?]

My MD says he's overwhelmed w/people suffering from panic disorder, anxiety, nightmares, stressful feelings because of that smirkin, thieving, lieing chimp!

[Fortunately your MD is equipped with a mobile lobotomy kit.]

My ears get stuffed up when I hear his phony Texas accent...And although I'd like to interpret that symptom in a psychoanalytic fashion, i.e., my ears are stopping up because I don't want to hear his lies, I'm certain that the ear stuffiness is a by-product of rising blood pressure.

[…And boiling bile.]

I get physically ill. The my stomach gets in a knot at the site or sound of him. I simply CANNOT stand him! It is almost like an extreme allergic reaction...anaphylactic shock type of reaction. My breathing gets rapid, heart beat increases, blood pressure goes up, and I must rush to the radio or TV andget rid of his image or sound.

[Take a 10 gallon yogurt enema and see Dr. Kellogg in the morning.]

No--my blood pressure goes up and I always reach for food.

[The 10 gallon yogurt enema that just went through the body of Dr. Kellogg’s patient?]

My Blood Pressure goes up and I get an awful jolt, like I'm being attacked. It really sucks. Then my family, all repubs, call and try to needle me for fun. It sucks and it is aging me. I got rid of cable TV to protect myself from visceral rage and deep disappointment over the direction of my country.

[< max cady laugh>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!< /max cady>]

I'm on meds now that I've NEVER been on before. That primate is making me crazy. The thing that saddens me is that I have two co-workers who give me the same visceral gut-wrench whenever they walk into my office. They're both nice ladies, but they fill me with disgust because they believe all that "man of God" crap he peddles.

[“Making you crazy?” Trust me. It’s a pre-condition.]

I instantly wince.

[Followed by wetting in your diaper.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-29-05 ("Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans")

Do you remember reading the book, 1984 for the first time and thinking that the Hate Week rallies where the Party workers at the Ministry of Truth screeching “HATE! HATE! HATE!” was an interesting literary device but a little unrealistic for an actual situation in life? Well, welcome to the World of DUmmieland in which the 1984 type Hate rantings are not only a reality but the norm as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans.” As usual the DUmmie rantings are in Insoc, I mean Bolshevik, Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching the Hate Week Rally from his telescreen in Room 101, is in the [brackets]:

Now we know how other cultures feel ......... I hate republicans.

[“The preparations for Hate Week were in full swing, and the staffs of all the Ministries were working overtime. Processions, meetings, military parades, lectures, waxworks, displays, film shows, telescreen programmes all had to be organized; stands had to be erected, effigies built, slogans coined, songs written, rumours circulated, photographs faked.”]

And, I have learned to hate most Christians as well. These people will NOT stop until they destroy everything that is Democratic or Liberal. Whats worse, they always attack with a smug self-righteousness that affirms their belief that they are sooooo much better than everyone else.

[“The new tune which was to be the theme-song of Hate Week (the Hate Song, it was called) had already been composed and was being endlessly plugged on the telescreens. It had a savage, barking rhythm which could not exactly be called music, but resembled the beating of a drum. Roared out by hundreds of voices to the tramp of marching feet, it was terrifying.”]

Now I know (as a white male) how other cultures must have felt as the God-Damn Republican Christians showed up and began to destroy and slander everything that was, or is, holy to them.

[“A new poster had suddenly appeared all over London. It had no caption, and represented simply the monstrous figure of a Eurasian soldier, three or four metres high, striding forward with expressionless Mongolian face and enormous boots, a submachine gun pointed from his hip. From whatever angle you looked at the poster, the muzzle of the gun, magnified by the foreshortening, seemed to be pointed straight at you.”]

hate to say it, but I can actually empathize with the radical Muslims at this level. How can any sane person keep their cool when forced to deal with these lying bastards.

[DUmmie TWiley aka Terrorist Enabler.]

We have been forced into a war on virtually every meaningful front there is in our society.

[Have you sent in your contribution this week to the Progressive Democrats of America?]

I really do hate to rant, but I am sick of these bastards sticking their nose where it does not belong and trying to "evangelize" the world. If we loose PBS to these thugs, then it will be the last straw.

[Bad enough to “loose” on the Eurasian Front but to “loose” PBS…INTOLERABLE!!!]

Does anyone else feel this way?

[Yes. Pretty much all your fellow DUmmies feel exactly the same way, DUmmie TWiley, as we shall see.]

Count me in

[I’m just as full of UNCONTROLLABLE HATE as TWilley.]

I can totally empathize with others. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse, but I've always been able to put myself in the other person's shoes. Unless they're republican. Those are shoes that I refuse to wear.

[Republicans: Beyond the Pale!]

I would guess that individuals who are Christ-like will stop calling themselves "christians" -- to distinguish between their belief in Christ's teachings and the Xians perversion of the name and teachings.

[So what should they call themselves? Unitarians?]

I see even shades of repug thinking here on DU, I see it in the pro spanking crowd, in the inverted self responsibility kicks people get on ,The"Darwin awards" and the quippy stupid bully trolls making fun of fat people in a way they'd be ashamed to do if the epithets and ignorance they hurl at fat people was exchanged with gay or black.. I am sick of hate words like bitch slap,and the people rationalizing exploitation and degradation of women, making excuses for it by trying to redefine it.I hate the mental illness bashing.The spirituality bashing.(different thing than religion) DU has it's scapegoats too.. Until Democrats stop,scapegoating their own, and take their own bigotries and words into account and realize this hypocrisy is in themselves they will not be morally better than the right wing bully party,all that much..Even though ethically they are far better and more human than cheep labor republicans..

[DUmmie undergroundpanther, surrounded by a wide and intricate web of EVIL Republican conspiracies.]

They are incapable of tolarating any diversity.. If it does not look or smell like them, then they must attack and destroy it. The world is a much richer place when differences can be appreciated. I am not sure that the practice of "evangelizing" is compatible with anything other than its own.

[Differences will be tolerated….except for differences in thinking.]

I am beginning to understand the powerless who resort to terrorism in a much more intimate way. While I have never been violent, I am beginning to see why others get that way, and I can almost condone their efforts.

[Yeah, you mentioned that before, DUmmie TWiley. And we have a nice room reserved for you in Gitmo where we can torture you with air conditioning and good food.]

Their grip on power seems to get stronger with each controversy. It is sooo frustrating.

[ALL your bases belong to US.]

They make me sick as well. Mentally and even physically sometimes.

[Here is a Barf Bag you can wallow in.]

How soon before the bastards start marching through liberal areas with big damn drums to celebrate the the victory of christians over the secularists?

[Just as soon as they can decide whether to use Conga Drums or Steel Drums, my paranoid little friend.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-28-05 ("The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down")

If you haven’t seen the documentary yet called “Left of the Dial,” I highly recommend that you do so. This documentary chronicles the first year of Err America Radio and shows them going down the economic tubes first by scam. Yes, it turns out that the first head of Err America was writing bad checks and didn’t invest even near the money in that failed enterprise that he promised. The funniest part of all is when the documentary showed the Err America staffers learning of their financial collapse via accessing the Drudge Report which most DUmmies pretend is unreliable. “Left of the Dial” ends on a “high note” showing Err America “recuperating” by getting more investors to blow their money on that failed enterprise. That is how the Left measures the popularity of their radio shows. Not by ADVERTISING REVENUE earned via high ratings but by the number of investors they can sucker into pouring money down a bottomless pit. Funny, I don’t recall Rush rising to the top of talk radio via conservative investors. It was all due to enormous ratings which generated enormous advertising revenues. So Err America is now in a precarious situation of their own making as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD, “The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down.” This latest outburst was inspired by the fact that Randi Rhodes had a tasteless skit on her show featuring Bush getting shot (reported first on the Drudge Report). So now the DUmmies are using the understandable outrage over this threatening skit to pretend that Err America is under assault by “Right Wingers.” What this really means is that when Err America finally goes off the air due to LOUSY RATINGS, the DUmmies will have a ready made excuse. See, it won’t be because the boring Err America shows have poor ratings. No, it was because the EVIL Right Wing shut them down. So let us now watch the DUmmie Err America rant in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if there is anybody out there who has ever stayed awake through an entire Janeane Garofalo show, is in the [brackets]:

The Right Wing is now trying to shut Air America Radio down. Right now on Scarborough Country, there's a big headline, "LIBERAL HATE SPEECH". They have latched onto this bogus "threat against the president" and are now running hard with it.

[Yeah. It is a vast Right Wing plot to force Janeane Garofalo off the air so her endless droning can’t provide cures to insomniacs any more.]

What threat?? Which show? This is BULLSHIT! Rush Limpballs spewed nothing but hatered toward Clinton for 8 solid years! Which show are they talking about? Do you know?

[The show with low ratings and almost no advertising revenue. Oops! Sorry. That describes ALL of Err America’s shows.]

Now they know how we feel about 24/7 right wing hate radio..The Pukkkes hate Air America and I'm loving it!

[Err America is going down the ratings toilet and I’m loving it!]

No, Randi first heard it BY phone... it was produced in NYC. Randi is in Florida. When I heard her use this excuse, I thought it was lame. She is solely responsible for the content of her show and she can't be making excuses like that. For one, it makes us look like a bunch of amateurs.

[Lame and looking like amateurs. An EXCELLENT description of the Err America programming.]

Thanks to the right for making Randi famouser. maybe she will finally get her due credit if more people listen to her.

[I’m all for making Randi “famouser.” The more people that listen to her, the more they realize what nutjobs the Leftists are.]

This is the ONLY place us liberals/democrats are able to go to!

[Um…You left out NPR, PBS, CBS, ABC, and NBC.]

I used to not be able to walk in a room without turning on the television. Now I only watch a few shows that entertain me, and I've almost totally weaned myself from any of their right-wing biased corporate favoring news.

[Yes. It must be depressing for you to turn on the tube and see that John Kerry was NOT inaugurated on Jan. 20.]

I just downgraded my cable. I realized that I don't watch TV anymore, basically since the elections.

[Please! PLEASE! Keep harsh reality away from me!!!]

Free advertisement for Air America..

[About the only ads Err America will be getting.]

Publicity, good or bad, is publicity!!! It'll put 'em on the map or air!

[Desperation time for Err America when they need an incident like this to get themselves known.]

I'm waiting on Springer to give us the "talk show sensationalism" that he was famous for. He needs to book some really outrageous guests/bloggers anyone that can bring in the ratings.

[Today on Jerry Springer!---DUmmies who BELEEEEVE that Kerry will be inaugurated as President on Jan. 20!!!]

Didn't they learn anything from Fahrenheit 9/11?

[From that movie I learned that Saddam’s Iraq was a paradise on earth where children peacefully flew their kites under the warm rays of the radiant sun.]

This is good for Randi. It's like free advertizement. I bet my bottom dollar that her show's rating will be skyrocketing soon.

[Something needs to happen for Randi to get out of the ratings toilet.]

If you remember for a long time they played down that it won't do well and that nobody will listen etc. Now they're at fifty-three stations.

[53 stations with low ratings and almost no revenue. Yeah, Err America has a bunch of investors but almost no ADVERTISING REVENUE. A weird measure of success.]

Notice the timing...the latest Arbitron ratings for the largest markets came out the other day and AAR is doing well in most markets and continuing to grow.

[Err America is rated 24th in the New York market on their flagship WLIB station. Even worse than the all-Caribbean format it replaced. Yes, Err America is doing just WUUUUNDERFUL!!!]

Mike Malloy just said AAR will be coming to Chicago VERY soon. He didn't have any particulars, but said AAR was losing out on his MILLIONS of listeners from when he was in Chicago on WLS radio. It won't be long now!

[Err America might still be in Chicago if they hadn’t paid off their previous station there with bad checks.]

Chicago's turned into a real mess for AAR...and sadly, it's some Democrats who are creating the biggest problems.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for having a very brief moment of mental clarity!]

As hypocritical....... as it is, it was beyond stupid for them to air that bit.
My god even a f*cking child knows that you don't allude to violence against the president. Someone there was asleep at the switch, and now it will be exploited.

[Sorry, DUmmie. I only award ONE Kewpie doll for mental clarity per thread.]

Freepers are going to taste a lot of disappointment this week

[Just like on the afternoon of Election Day when the exit polls showed Kerry winning by a landslide.]

F*ck them and f*ck the horse they rode in on

[Love that positive mental attitude of yours.]

Randi is great, though I don't listen to her every day.

[LOL!!! Thanx for giving us the HILARIOUS reason why the Err America ratings are down the tubes.]

AAR is becoming a real powerhouse, I'd love to invest in AAR, its absolutely a sure thing.

[Err America is just $10 away from being tops in the ratings.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-27-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Blows White Smoke Up His Chimney)

If you think that the major change in the world in the past couple of weeks was the announcement of the new Pope, you would be wrong. According to Pied Piper Pitt, the BIG change was his switch from Truthout to the Progressive Democrats of America which he announced to the DUmmie (m)asses with as much self-important gravity as the annunciation of the new Pope. Here we see Pitt sending his own clouds of white smoke up the chimney as he lets the world know of the momentous change. Not only do we read of Pitt’s PROUNOUNCEMENT but we can also hear him simultaneously read it out via audio. So sit back and watch Pitt self-worship at the Temple of Narcissus in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching Pitt blow a lot of smoke, is in the [brackets]:

Hello there. This is William Rivers Pitt. You may know me from my work these last several years at the alternative news magazine truthout. Well, I am pleased to let you know that I have joined the staff of Progressive Democrats of America as the Editorial Director. My role, among other things, will be to provide reports on PDA actions and activities all across the country, to run the blog, and to write essays on a variety of topics from the Iraq occupation to our actions against Bush nominees like the profoundly unacceptable Mr. John Bolton.

[Hello there. This is PJ-Comix. You may know me these last several years at the local laundromat, Soak’n’Suds. Well, I am pleased to let you know that I have switched to another laundromat, Super Bubbles. My role will be to bore the hell out of you with loads of self-inflated flatulations using $5 words I have gathered from thesauruses all across the county.]

You may be wondering why I left the truthout staff to come to work for PDA. There's no one answer to that. Reporting the real news and providing editorial perspective in this day of commercial, corporate 24 hour cable dreck can certainly be considered activism, but of a somewhat passive variety. I'd gather all the information and get it out to the world, and then wait for someone else to use it actively and effectively. Sometimes my data got used, sometimes it didn't, but I was always in a position of hoping the information I put together moved the pile. With PDA, I can take a far more active role in doing that, something I find profoundly exciting.

[You may be wondering why I left Soak’n’Suds to come wash my dirty laundry at Super Bubbles. There’s no one answer to that but you can bet I will torture you with paragraph after paragraph of tedious explanations of why I made the switch even though I could easily explain it in just one simple sentence. Washing your clothes in this day of just dropping it off at the laundry can certainly be considered activism, but of a somewhat passive variety. I gather all my clothes and get it out to the laundromat. Sometimes my clothes got washed and sometimes I said to hell with it and went to the local bar instead. With Super Bubbles I can do my laundry and get falling down drunk at the same time since this laundromat also includes a bar, something I find profoundly exciting.]

I guess the best way to describe why I am here is to tell you about some of the other people who have dedicated themselves to PDA, and why they are here. Their reasons are also my reasons. One of our people, Sherry, says "I was attracted to PDA's inside/outside strategy and to its focus on including all progressives. PDA provides a place for all progressives at the table whether or not they're already a part of the Democratic Party hierarchy and established structure. PDA encourages new blood... new ideas... new energy."

[I guess the best way to descibe why I am here is to tell you about the other people dedicated to shlepping their clothes to Super Bubbles, and why they are here. Their reasons are also my reasons. One of our people, Sherry, says “I was attracted to Super Bubbles outside/inside strategy and to its focus on inlcuding all inebriates. Super Bubbles provides a place for all drunks at the laundromat, whether or not they are already plastered. Super Bubbles encourages new booze…new glasses…new drinks.”]

David is here because "We'll make change happen by uniting the left and the middle, and the poor and the middle class. All that's working against us is a relatively tiny overclass with the majority of the nation's wealth in its pockets, alongside an increasingly radical right-wing Republican Party." Steve believes "We will reorient the Democratic Party on peace and justice issues, and reconnect the party with its historic mission to protect working families."

[David is here because “We’ll make change happen by uniting the drunks and the lushes and the poor drunks and the poor lushes. All that’s working against us is a relatively tiny overglass of Peppermint Schnapps, alongside an increasingly radical right-wing Office Party.” Steve believes “We will reorient ourselves on the floor when we sober up and reconnect with this party and the historic mission of scoring some working girls.”]

Alysia says "I wake up every morning knowing I'm doing my best to make this country a better place for my daughter to grow up in. I know that PDA can make a real difference, I've already seen it happen. Given what we've done with minimal funding and resources (our 'national office' being contained in each of our cell phones and computers), I have realistic hopes for a better future, and that's worth working for."

[Alysia says “I wake up every morning with a big hangover and a stranger in my bed. I know that Super Bubbles can make a real difference since I can wash my laundry and get drunk as hell at the same time. I have realistic hopes for even wilder parties and that’s worth passing out for.”]

I have many more testimonials like these from the volunteers and staff at PDA, and they all come to the same place: This organization is harnessing the power of liberals and progressives all across the nation to stop the madness that has swept through our lives like a blood wind, and to work every day and every night to create the kind of country we can be proud of, the kind of country we can feel safe raising our children in, the kind of country that can be that shining city on a hill, an example of kindness and goodness and generosity and, yeah, I'll say it, sanity.

[I have many more testimonials that I can bore you with from patrons of Super Bubbles but I will bore you instead with my own sense of self-importance. Super Bubbles is harnessing the power of soap and liquor all across the nation to stop the sobriety that has swept through our lives like a blood wind, and to work every day and every night to create the kind of country we can feel safe to get inebriated in, the kind of country that can be a shiny ice cube in a glass, an example of kindness and goodness, and staring at my own navel. And yes, I’ll say it, insanity.]

I remember walking the halls of the Capitol Building in DC last January reporting on the Boxer Rebellion for truthout. I ran into Kevin Spidel, Tim Carpenter and several other PDA staffers, who had been center-stage in the push to get someone to stand up and shout down the validation of the corrupted Ohio Electoral College votes. I remember very clearly overhearing a conversation between Spidel and a senior congressional staffer who had been neck-deep in progressive activism for thirty years and had the scars to prove it.

[It was a dark and stormy night when I remember staggering down the Capitol Building in DC last January barfing on the floor for foodout. I ran into Kevin Spidel, Tim Carpenter and several other Super Bubbles bartendenders/coin machine operators who had been center stage in the push to get me to stand up and shout down the validation of the corrupted DUI test. I remember very clearly grabbing my crotch and trying to walk a straight line and I had the scars to prove it.]

This staffer told Kevin that in all his time as an activist, he had never seen a better organization than PDA. In his life, he had never seen one group be so effective at pulling together different people and different groups and different voices into one coherent force for change. That's why I am here. There have been other groups before PDA, and there are others out there today that share our goals. But this is the group, and these are the people, that can best affect the changes that are so necessary for the health and well-being both of this nation and the world

[This staffer told Kevin to have another one on the house. In all his life, he had never seen one group so blasted out of their minds with a force of total incoherence. That’s why I am here. There have been other laundromat/bars before Super Bubbles and there are others out there today that share our drinks. But this is the laundromat and these are the people, that can best slobber on the bar counter in a way so necessary for the health and well drinks both of this nation and the world.]

Through PDA, and hand-in-hand with the other groups that are working for a better tomorrow, we will become the change we wish to see in the world.

[Through Super Bubbles, and hand-in-hand with other laundromats that are working for the wish to see in the world a better tomorrow and whatever else I can stack this meaningless sentence with.]

And we need your help. They say money is the root of all evil, and we have seen more than enough proof of that in recent years. But money can also be a force for great good when properly used. Please give what you can to Progressive Democrats of America and help us strive for our common goals. Check out the main page of our website and become a PDA Sustainer. We can do great things together, and we will do great things together, but to get that done we need your financial help and we need it today. If you can give, you have my deepest gratitude.

[And we need your help. Gimme beer money. Give me. Give me! Give me! DAMMNIT---GIVE ME!!! We are just $10 away from making this a paradise on earth. Check out the main page of our website and become a Super Bubbles enabler. We can do great things together but ONLY if you GIMME MONEY. Give until it hurts and then open up your socks you cheap bastard. If you can give even more money, you can have my deepest gratitude which with ten cents won’t even buy you a cup of coffee.]

That's all for now. Keep an eye on the website and the blog for reports, action alert and essays telling you what we have done, what we are doing, and where we will be headed tomorrow. Oh, and for those of you who are fans of truthout, have no fear. I am privileged to be able to continue to write for them as a free-lance journalist. You'll be seeing my stuff there a couple of times a week.

[That’s all for now. Hallelujah! Keep an eye on the website and the blog for even more boring reports, dull alerts, and overlong bloated essays telling you how wonderful I am, what I am doing, and what navel I will be staring at tomorrow. Oh, and for those of you who still frequent Soak’n’Suds, have no fear. I am privileged to be able to continue to barfing my guts out on their floor as a free-loader drunk. You’ll be seeing my lunch chunks there a couple of times a week.]

This is William Rivers Pitt, editorial director for Progressive Democrats of America. Thanks for listening, thanks for giving, and remember: You are the one you've been waiting for. You've been here all along.

[This is PJ-Comix announcing that I will soon be posting my Buttcheek Visitation Schedule so as to better enable the implantation of your overawed lips upon my substantial posterior. Thanks for listening, thanks for giving and remember: I’m the one it’s all about. You’re just here for the ride.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-26-05 ("Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges")

I was mighty tempted to DUFU Pied Piper Pitt in this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. After lying low following the extreme humiliation of making himself the laughingstock of the Web with his dopey essay about “The Third American Empire” in which he likened the USA to the Third Reich rising from the nationalistic screams of hockey fans during the 1980 Olympics, Pitt is now making a series of his typical self-important bloated postings in DUmmieland. Following on the heels of the new Pope being announced to the world in Rome, Pitt followed suit and announced to the world of DUmmieland that he is switching from Truthout.Com to the Progressive Democrats of America. Pitt made this announcement with such an air of gravity, I am almost surprised he didn’t precede it by sending white smoke up his chimney for the official annunciation. Today Pitt, realizing what a fool he made of himself with his Leftwing rant about “The Third American Empire,” made a post trying to distance himself from the far left radical elements of DUmmieland. Sorry, Pitt, but your previous postings already condemn you as a whack job and there is no way you can now suddenly pretend that your previous loony writings don’t exist. Yes, the tempation to DUFU Pitt today was there but ultimately I held off due to the fact that his bloated self-importance is ultimately boring as hell. Therefore I have decided to DUFU a thread devoted to DUmmieland’s favorite boogieman, Karl Rove, as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges.” As usual the paranoid DUmmie rantings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, in a Perfect Rovian Storm, is in the [brackets]:

Rove: Bolton will be confirmed; judges deserve vote
By Judy Keen, USA TODAY

[If Master Rove said Bolton will be confirmed, then he WILL be confirmed.]

WASHINGTON — Karl Rove rejected a compromise with Senate Democrats Monday on long-stalled nominations for the federal judiciary and strongly defended President Bush's choice of John Bolton to be ambassador to the United Nations.

In an hour-long interview with USA TODAY and Gannett News Service reporters and editors, Rove, deputy White House chief of staff, dismissed suggestions from Democrats that they might drop threats to use filibusters to prevent votes on Bush's judicial nominees if the president would withdraw a few of the most controversial names.

[This story is to the DUmmies what waving a red cape is to a bull. Now let us watch the FUN reaction from the DUmmies…]

I'm itching for life and circumstance to bring Rove down a few notches.
Who does he think he is? King of the world?

[A mere King? No. Rove is Master and Commander of the World.]

yup he does-and he likes playing King-and hardball. We can not count any chicks yet.

[Never count your chicks before the Karl Rove plot is hatched.]

Who is gonna stop him?

[NONE can stop the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

ROVE rejected the deal????????? Is he (an unelected government appointee) pulling the strings of the United States Senate????????

[Yes. And Master Rove is pulling the strings of the DNC. Remember, you WILL nominate Hillary in ’08 because Karl Rove has so decreed it to be.]


Is it just me???? Every time I see Rove, I hear the banjo theme from Deliverance and pig noises....maybe I need to get my dose increased, or move to a blue state

[How about if you have an overdose of Lithium AND move to a blue state?]

"Karl Rove rejected a compromise ..." Who the f*ck is he to reject anything? ROVE WASN'T ELECTED BY ANYONE!!!

[Perhaps but he was chosen by God Almighty.]

I relish the day when that little hitler gets thrown on his fat ass

[Karl Rove will only allow you to THINK he got thrown on his fat ass but in the meantime, behind your back, he will be selecting your ’08 nominee. Hint: It will be someone named after an unknown New Zealand beekeeper.]

If it's really true that ROVE is the one that rejected this legislative compromise, that is surely a breach of law. He is a dirty-tricks slimeball with no legal authority over such things at all.

[This is your grand opportunity to impeach Karl Rove and make Kerry president!]

They are taking the lead from Rush. Just yesterday afternoon Rush said..No Compromises or it would set a dangerous precedent for the Republicans for the future. And lo and behold, hours later "Rove rejects.." a compromise. This has happened on more than one occassion. Rush says something, the Repubs follow suit the next day or the very same.

[Hmmm…. So although Rove pulls all the strings, Rush pulls Rove’s strings? Let me contemplate the metaphysical meaning of all this.]

I think it is vice-versa - Rush gets his talking points from Rove. Rove tells Rush what to say, then Rush tells his listeners what to think.

[Whew! Thanx for setting things straight. I almost had to overturn my notions of the grand order of things in the universe.]

They feel they have an ace? A new Trifecta?

[A Trifecta won’t help you much in a card game. However, let’s just say Rove is holding an Ace and King suited hole cards and the Flop just turned up Queen, Jack, Ten of the same suit in his hole. Therefore Karl is just going through the motions of acting suspenseful as to what shows up on the Turn and the River. Please don’t forget to go All In.]

Will wonders never cease. Even when all the polls are against him, Karl Rove is confidant that the axe will fall.

[As I stated in the previous post, when you hold the cards that Rove has you don’t have to worry about whatever is in the Turn and the River.]

I truly wonder about this regime. Are they so crafty, they have it fixed and this is why they are so cocky? Are they as stupid as they look?

[They only look as stupid as they want you to think they look.]

Says alot about the Roveness of Rove. They must be so happy.

[We are very HAPPY about the Roveness of Rove.]

Does Rove threaten to castrate these guys or what? In the case of too many Democrats I can think of, that threat has already come true.

[OUCH!]

There's no margin in trying to avoid fighting these fascists. Don't offer them compromises.

[Careful. Do not offend the might of the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

No Compromise! talk about Republican-lite, now we're even talking to the Republican leadership about vote trade-offs the way moderate Republicans do.

[All is going according to Emperor Rove’s plan!]

The appointment of Bolton will lead to war....and war will lead to the ultimate collapse of the alliance that has taken over our country. It is both a tragedy and a blessing that the people in power are too dumb to see the error of their ways. This is a dictatorship and we are watching the last gasps of the remnants of constitutional government which has been beaten virtually to death since November 2004.

[Weren’t you saying the SAME THING a few weeks ago about Gannon? Just save your whole statement EXCEPT for the name “Bolton” and then just insert a new name in for use again in a week or two.]

Rove...shouldn't his sorry ass have dropped dead of a heart attack by now?

[No. He would rather induce a heart attack in you after you realize that you lost yet ANOTHER battle.]

We have NO say in OUR country...How did this happen?

[When Karl Rove decided it would happen.]

Yet everyday Americans refuse to wake up. Apathy is Rampant. This is why the Repukes will continue domination. Most people think you are a Kook if you claim the '04 elections were rigged.

[The also think you are a kook when you claim to BELEEEEEVE that Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan. 20.]

Little Karl wants to fight and for once, I think the Democrats are willing to slip on the brass knuckles.

[Slight correction. The Democrats are willing to slip on his brass knuckles. Karl Rove arranges ALL slip-ups by the Democrats.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-25-05 ("I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam")

In the previous edition of the DUmmie Funnies, the DUmmies were crybabying about being portrayed as nothing but a bunch of wackos. However, the very title of this DUmmie THREAD “I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam,” shows that they are indeed a bunch of Moonbat loons. Their OWN WORDS condemn them. What are they going to do now? Claim that I quoted the title out of context? This latest example of moonbattery on the part of the DUmmies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, viewing the activity in their padded cell, is in the [brackets]:

I Am Beginning to Believe Iraq was better with Saddam

[Full of happy HAPPY children peacefully flying their kites under the warm glow of the radiant sun. Saddam’s Iraq---A paradise on earth.]

Its just non-stop over there. His Imperial majesty * has no way out of this one.

[Since I have noticed a plethora of Jeff Gannon threads in DUmmieland today and nothing but this about Iraq, that must mean things in Iraq are much improved…but not for DUmmies.]

Saddam even had a plan..

[De Plan, Boss, de Plan!]

they had electric, water, security
woman had rights, stores were open at night..... What do they have now....

[Freedom but what does that compare to the ability to buy toilet paper at 3 AM?]

I know , I do too -- and I HATE feeling that way. At least there was order and some decent rights for women, and the streets were safe. Yeah, there was murder and torture, but the Iraqis have it now, and it's chaotic violence, with no "rules." I have no answer, and unfortunately our government doesn't either.

[Please inform me as to how I am quoting you out of context so as to present you as a total Leftwing Loon?]

You mean you folks were drinking the "Saddam-evil-person Kool-Aid?" Pleeeeeze!! Didn't you know anything about Iraq before 9/11 except what the Bush folks told you?

[In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle,
A DUmmie Sleeps Tonight!
A-MoonieBat, A-MoonieBat!]

We could have helped w/o pulverizing the entire country. I refuse to believe that in the entire world there was not a group of exiles that wished to replace Saddam, we could have supported them, it was not about Saddam, it was about the oil, we have dismantled the country, that was not necessary, what we have done is cause complete failure of the framework of civil, political and governmental structure required to run the country.

[I almost refuse to believe that in the entire world there is a group of people that think Saddam would have allowed an opposition group operate within Iraq so as to permit the peaceful transfer of power…but then there are the DUmmies.]

What's the difference between Iraqi's being murdered and tortured by Saddam versus us?

[Only in the twisted asylum of DUmmieland could this comparison be made. Tonight your tranquilizer dart will have an extra strong dose of Lithium.]

I could not find the photo album of Iraq before the war, it had a lot of pictures of kids and people going about their normal lives..... Weddings .... Wish I still had the link...

[Does the album show Saddam’s spawn, Quazy, raping the bridesmaids and the bride right after the wedding?]

A client of mine is a woman from the Middle East and as a devout Muslim, she said kindly and plainly, "Even with all the terror before, people there were better off under Saddam. The Iraqi people, and people in the Middle East don't want the freedom that the U.S. government thinks everyone wants. They want someone to tell them what they should do. They want someone strong in charge. Saddam was horrible, but to many of them, preferable to the life they have now."

[“Please Saddam! Come back and oppress us again!”]

If you look at the Iraq before the war and the rights that Iraqi women had, and compare it to Iran or Saudi they were head and shoulders above those countries......

[“You have the right to remain silent while Quazy rapes you.”]

11,445,638 Iraqis for Saddam. Says it all.

[Ah yes. I forgot all about that fair and honest election where Saddam received 99.99% of the vote without using Diebold machines.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-25-05 ("DU as target of gross misuse by the right")

Let us all now take a moment to shed a tear for the poor DUmmies. They feel ABUSED by the Right as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “DU as target of gross misuse by the right.” Apparently the residents of my DUmmie Ant Farm don’t like being looked at and commented upon. Even worse for them than to be angrily criticized is for them to be LAUGHED at as happens in the DUmmie FUnnies on a daily basis. And guess what, DUmmies, all it takes is for Mary Matalin to give the thumbs up to the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) and an MUCH BIGGER audience will be laughing at you. The DUmmie crybabying about being abused is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, peering even more intently into his Ant Farm, is in the [brackets]:

DU as target of gross misuse by the right

[Sorry but we do have to have our FUn. Continue with your tale of woe, DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

At least twice now, the Democratic Underground has been the victim of gross misuse by the right. This may have been a topic before and I missed it, but it seems that one of the top people at DU should write a proposed column for the NY Times oped page, now expanded, and get hundreds of not thousands of DUers to sign it, and then send it in for publication.

[And I shall write a DUFU of that very column for the NY Times oped page. Continue DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

One point that should clearly be made is that this is an OPEN forum, where anyone can express a view -- including quite a few rightwingers and freepers. It may be that the notion of the tsunami as a CIA conspiracy or of the pope as a Nazi are not the most refined of views, but they are expressed in many venues, such as callers into WBAI, and here at least they have a chance to be vetted and rationally debated and countered with facts.

[Trust me. The wacko posts of the DUmmies are NOT isolated, they are the norm. Any visit to Dummieland will prove that right away. Continue DUmmie cloudythescribbler…]

Taking such comments out of context stifles the kind of free discussion forum that this is, and represents one of the many misuses of the internet as a forum in recent years. The notion of the internet as some kind of "authority", as cited by Sorensen and Baraka is part of the mythmaking that conservatives are here trying to exploit. There is also the issue that there are rightwing sites that utter the most unbelievable improbabilities AS PART OF THEIR OFFICIAL COMMUNICATIONS, like quoting Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Lenin and Che Guevara in the same breath, and these sites are considered respectable and never held up for ridicule -- because progressives don't have the kind of partisan access to the mainstream media to exploit to this end.

[Taking comments out of context? Sorry to destroy your theory, DUmmie cloudythescribbler, but I like to quote my DUmmie Ants fully since it gives full flavor to their rich nuttiness. In addition, each edition of the DUmmie FUnnies ALWAYS provides the link to the DUmmie thread being DUFUed so as to give the readers an opportunity to check out the threads as they are posted in DUmmieland. And now that you are done with your sob story, DUmmie cloudythescribbler, let us give your fellow DUmmies the chance to whine on this same theme.]

NRO for god's sake. C-SPAN let's these people on like they're, uh, a credible organization -- and they say some of the most outrageous things. I actually had a personal communication with one of them, and he was a total know-nothing ASS.

[Believe me, if I had it in my power, I would have a TV program featuring ALL the DUmmie rantings 24/7. Perhaps I should call it Comedy Channel 2.]

I would write semi-long, intelligent letters, and he would write a three-line, misspelled, ad hominem-rife reply. And it wasn't just NRO that was publishing this idiot's columns -- he was actually employed by MSNBC as an "analyst" and, of course, was a big wig in the Bush I administration. I was just stunned at how inarticulate and poorly informed this person was. I just thought, "Wow. So they're like this in person, too? What pathetic losers."

[So you would prefer ad hominen-rifeless replies, my semi-long “intelligent” DUmmie letter writer?]

why not do it back to them start posting ridiculous stuff on free republic and then send it into the MSM

[Go ahead and get the Zot. In the meantime I enjoy reading the ridiculous stuff posted in DUmmieland.]

That's an idea. Post a question in Free Republic to get wackos to come out. Send it to whoever will accept it or just show it on your own website.

[Yes. That post will show up in the thread titled, “I'm so stupid, I signed up and got the Zot.”]

Why aren't these questionable post removed right away, why was the tsunami thread allowed to remain up if the source was in doubt?

[Why was last Friday’s DUmmie thread titled, "Kerry still working on stolen election” allowed to remain up? The source for that thread was a comment posted on a Blog about something a phone solicitor said in order to shake some cash out of the fool who posted the comment.]

And if discussion is chilled by the fear that anything can and will be taken out of context and used against you with a rightwing that has access to the mainstream that we lack, democracy suffers. This point needs to be made in the mainstream media, where the quotes have been used, in a column written by those who run DU

[What about discussion chilled by the fear that you will be LAUGHED at? Oh, and I would love to read a column written by the DUmmie inmates. More DUFU material!!!]

I have a shirt that says You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. Just wore it yesterday.

[Would you like a T-Shirt featuring a cute, cigar-smoking beaver?]

welcome to DU and please everyone, if you see a post that looks suspicious hit the "Alert" key.

[I always hit the “LOUSY FREEPER TROLL” key.


DU has moderators that follow up on any and all alerts sent by our members.

[Unfortunately many of those DUmmie moderators are often LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS. Hee! Hee! (Note: Except for IndianaGreen. He is not a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL. Please believe that.)]

People are too afraid of ideas and words. I know the corporate media is a propaganda machine for the right and the b*sh regime but expressing ideas is what is going to bring them down. They can't bear the fact that there are people out there thinking thoughts they have not promoted. DU is getting to them and they can't do anything to stop it because it would stop their propaganda machines as well.

[Actually you better PRAY that they corporate media doesn’t publicize Dummieland via a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for related comix stories).]

at this stage.. for us... the only bad publicity is NO publicity. In the words of the old show-biz axiom "Say what you like, but spell my name right!"

[D-U-m-m-i-e-s]

There is a problem though. The problem is that DU isn't being given the cachet of being 'banned' or a subject of great publicity -- it is being cited in an entirely unfair way to make it seem marginal, a place where only tin-foil hat ideas are discussed.

[BFEE, LIHOP, MIHOP, PNAC, etc… Now where did we ever get the crazy idea of DUmmieland as a marginal place filled with tin-foil hat ideas?]

The main problem is that DU is being ignored.

[Believe me. I am trying to rectify that. YOO HOO! Mary Matalin! Over here! YOO HOO!!!]

DU Ain't What She Used To Be. A year ago, this place was growing and hopping and getting a good share of mention across the net and even into the corporate media. These days I rarely hear DU mentioned...and not anywhere near I do other sites such as Kos, Atrios and Talking Points.

[When the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) is published attention will be focused once again on DUmmieland as the hot comedy spot on the Web.]

I see DU as full of great people who care about their families, their neighbors, and their country.

[I see Dummieland as a great source for comedy materal.]

Anyone who comes to DU and looks around can see the value of this place. That thrills some and infuriates others.

[And makes most of the rest roll over in laughter.]

Also DU isn't exactly open to all: it is intended as a platform of discussion for democrats, about democratic issues. While RW-ers are allowed, they aren't allowed to discuss/propagate RW issues - if they do, they'll be banned. That's why RW misinformation operatives have to be careful not to go so far as to expose themselves for what they are. In the mean time they'll try and go far enough as to actually influence DU's public mind. That's not easy, and many fall through during their first few posts. Some are clever though, sometimes it can take years and many 1000's of posts before such an operative is exposed.

[I must be VERY CLEVER since I haven’t been caught yet. (Note: I am NOT DUmmie IndianaGreen. Please believe that.)]

on the "bright side" the mere fact that the DU is a "target" means we are viewed as a threat to the rabid-reich means the DU is being read by alot of people - more than we probably know, many people "lurk" for quite awhile before deciding to join in, and many more people just lurk

[And many more yet read the DUmmieland rantings via the DUmmie FUnnies Blog. Plus MILLIONS more if the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) gets published.]

I say DU has no reason to be defensive. DU is successful. It works very well.

[Absolutely, DUmmie marions ghost. Dummieland is the Comedy Gift that keeps on giving.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-22-05 ("Kerry still working on stolen election")

The Charlie Brown DUmmies are ONCE AGAIN kicking at the Stolen Election football. However, instead of Lucy, it is John Kerry again who is yanking that football away at the last moment as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Kerry still working on stolen election. If this is true, it's good news.” One of the funniest things about this latest outbreak of DUmmie gullibility is the flimsy evidence upon what they base their wild hope. I would tell you right now what this “evidence” is but I would strain my credibility if I did so. Therefore let the DUmmies reveal their own gullible stupidity in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, drawing up a sales contract on a certain bridge in Brooklyn for the DUmmies to sign, is in the [brackets]:

Kerry still working on stolen election. If this is true, it's good news.

[Oooooh! Oooooh! Oooooh! How could it not be true? YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!! I’m so HAPPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!]

This was blogged today on
http://www.bradblog.com/archives/00001340.htm#comments

COMMENT #13
...jen said on 4/21/2005 @ 3:05pm PT... Anyways, I wanted to share this bit of happy "news" I got this morning! I posted this earlier on my "home" blog and am just copying that post here:

When I got home I got a phone call from someone working for Kerry. They called to thank me for signing the "Kids Come First" Act, and of course for $.

[Actually the WHOLE PURPOSE of the call was for the $$$ but continue DUmmie Amaryllis…]

Before he could get to any of that I expressed to him that my #1 concern is with the election system, went over some of the problems from the '04 election, and asked if he knew if Kerry was aware that the election was stolen. He said he is very aware of it and one of the reasons he's not speaking out is because they are still in the process of gathering all the information and proof they can before publicly addressing it.

He said they knew that if they tried to address the stolen election before they had "all their ducks in a row" (my words, not his) they would be labeled conspiracy nuts and ridiculed to the point of people not believing any of what they said. He said as far as the paperless voting machines that it would take longer than if there had been a paper traill, but that it is still traceable. He also said the same thing about the Vote Tabulators - that even if the hacking of the machines was done in a way that couldn't be detected, that they can detect it but it takes longer...

I didn't ask how or any details of what's being done, but I thought it was somewhat encouraging and interesting that Kerry is in fact part of the investigations and discovery process - makes me wonder who else is involved that is just being very quite about it!

[A phone operator hitting you up for bucks told you that Kerry is working on exposing vote fraud? Then it MUST BE TRUE!!! WOO! HOO! I’m soooooo happy that I feel an orgasmatron in overdrive in my pantalones!!!]

I knew John Kerry was always with us!

[Shane! I knew you could, Shane. I knew it. I knew it just as well as anything.]

Sure seems that way to me, from everything I know about his character.

I just love Shane!

Same here. My first comment at my first DFA meeting on Dec. 1st? "John Kerry wouldn't abandon us; John Kerry wouldn't do that."
Nobody believed me, but I still knew. We have that bond you see, he and I. I knew he wasn't done yet.

[We want you, Shane. Mother wants you. I know she does!]

It is encouraging but perhaps self-defeating to leak to someone who posts on a blog that is read by many who post it other places who post it other...IF you are trying to keep it quiet...

[Shhh! Mum’s da word!]

I thought about that, but I don't think this would get anywhere near MSM.

[But it WILL get laughed at on the DUmmie FUnnies.]

After getting hopes up too many times I am prone to suspecting EVERYTHING.

[But this time it’s TRUE! It’s all true! I BEEELEEEEEVEE!!!]

I hope it mean's his ducks are in a row, and its time to start getting the story out there, meaning Kerry is going to go public with it soon. Lets hope.

[Correct. Kerry will go public with this story right after he signs his Form 180.]

If that's true, then the guy who told her this stuff, if indeed he actually did, and if indeed it is actually true, never should have said anything, and Kerry should have sworn them all to secrecy, and Teresa never should have practially come out and said the eleciton was stolen.

[Kerry needs to keep secret the fact that he is as NUTTY as Teh-RAY-suh.]

I think they're leaking it. To what end I'm not sure.

[So Kerry can be inaugurated President on Jan. 20.]

Well, let's do a little "Creative Visualization".

[aka “visualize our own reality.”


I can FEEL it! I can, I can!

[Pa's got things for you to do, and Mother wants you. I know she does. Shane. Shane. Come back. 'Bye, Shane ....]


This version of events makes a hell of a lot more sense than any other I have heard. I think the newfound vigor, and dare I say, aggression in Kerry's persona as of late in the senate is a good indicator he's pissed, and definitely has a lot up his sleeve. He has really been vocal about sticking it to the Repukes recently, and I think it has a lot to do with knowing full well he was duped out of the presidency.

[I love him almost as much as I love Pa. That's alright, isn't it?]

I would not be inclined to believe that he's doing nothing. When has he ever done nothing? He's a damn crafty prosecuting attorney, and I have no doubt he's working in the same methodical "under the radar" way he always has. I'm not bothered a bit by his quiescence on the matter. I have learned from experience, and from observing Kerry's investigative methods over the years, that he takes his time and does things "just so" in order to get the desired result. He's doing everything right. Investigations do take time, but we will hear something in good time. I'm sure of it.

[There's no living with a killing. There's no going back from it. Right or wrong, it's a brand, a brand that sticks.]

Agreed, plus, Michael Moore has been strangely silent as well as many others who know the election was stolen. They said things in the beginning that hinted to the silence for now approach. Remember Susan Sarandon's remarks about the secret workings? This is good news. Also note that Theresa was talking about voting irregularities too.

[Put a man on a good horse. Send him to Cheyenne for help. The next time we fight with them, the air will be full of gunsmoke.]

OMG. I just had a fantasy flash...what if they found hard, irrefuable evidence, and Kerry, MM, Susan Sanrandon, etc. etc. etc. called this giant press conference, all of them at the same time in different parts of the country, or maybe they all come together in DC, and spill the beans? Just a fantasy... Kerry has got to know, with what Teresa said, and he isn't one to sit around and twiddle his thumbs while Rome burns. Fraud is hard to prove, or so the attorneys say...

[Or…or…or maybe the Great Pumpkin will arise out of a pumpkin patch on Halloween night!]

I hope that's right. I do remember reading how Kerry and Edwards would pop up to sign things if needed. I remember hearing an audio file of Kerry at a rally or something talking to someone and he was telling who was next to him that the Bush administration were the biggest bunch of criminals he's ever seen and he's just getting started on them. Does anybody have that audio file?? And it does make sense that they'd be quiet so they can work behind the scenes without people being suspecious and without being labeled "consperiacy nuts." That happened with the Ohio elecotral vote objection. I think things are finally happening and I hope and pray it's soon!

[Please! Please! Great Pumpkin! MAKE the past few months go away!]

I still keep hoping there will be some kind of miracle, some kind of Watergate, except it would have to be SO much bigger than Watergate to make an impact. Look at Gannon; that should have been as big as WAtergate, and MSM hardly touched it.

[Maybe you should have painted Gannon’s bald head pumpkin orange so it would have looked like the Great Pumpkin.]

Never forget, Kerry was a prosecutor, a very successful prosecutor. He would never make allegations before the investigation was completed. Grand juries are conducted in secret for a reason, to keep the bad guys from interferring with the witnesses and destroying the evidence. Maybe that is why all of the investigation is done in secret, to keep the bastards from hiding the evidence or killing any more witnesses than they have.

[You just wait. You just wait. Kerry is going to pull a Perry Mason trick out of his magic hat. You just wait.]

if you think about it the concession makes sense too. They knew he stole it again I'm sure. So he conceded because they had to work behind the scenes. If Kerry did like Gore he would've made people mad etc. and they would've been on his tail like with Gore and the "riots." This time a lot of work got done and more proof to get Bush and his people and get rid of the voting machines so they'll never be used again. It's smart how people like Conyers are on the team to get rid of the voting machines and not going about the "Bush stole 2004" route while other people work behind the scenes. I found the video of Mr. Dean talking about them being brought down in the spring and it was the February meeting where he is sworn in as chairman.

[De plan, Boss, de PLAN!!! It’s all working so beautifully according to Kerry’s plan!]

I've been let down so many times by DU information but I will allow myself ONE MORE TIME to get my hopes up. I love and respect John Kerry and it makes sense that he would not go foward until all of the evidence had been collected. He is going to be a great President.

[Okay, Charlie Brown. You can try to kick the foot ball again just ONE MORE TIME.]

If/when Kerry makes a move, you can be sure that he'll have a complete case all wrapped up against BushCo with irrefutable evidence. It will be wonderful to see. They will realize that they picked the wrong guy to steal an election from--he's a fighter, not a quitter.

[Now you run on home to your mother and tell her, tell her everything's alright, and there aren't any more guns in the valley.]

Yippee! But let's dummy up a little!! I have suspected all along that Kerry was getting his ducks in a row, but folx since we all love our Prez Kerry so much,and desperately want him to claim what is proudly his own- the best thing we can do to help him,us, and the world!.. is to keep this quieter. I fear there are a lot of Rethuglican spies out there just waiting to have something to report to their bosses, to stop the process. On the other hand, I like to think they are all so busy in GOP land with damage control with Delay,Frist,Bolton, you name it, plus the global domination plans they have in mind, (I mean... they are busy!), that the Nov. theft nastiness trail might have slipped through their fingers. Plus, they probably think that like the former poster that it isn't that easy to just prove it and take over. They are probably less paranoid about that than anything else! But, JK was a prosecutor, and I look forward to the zeal with which the wrath shall fly.Kerry is extremely smart, and I'm sure he has a good plan, but he's staying in the fight, and that is really something to cheer about. I imagine he is more than just mad as hell!
GO-KERRY-GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[You go home to your mother and your father. And grow up to be strong and straight. And Joey, take care of them, both of them.]


I thought it was congress who would choose prez and vice prez if they were to resign? I think if the true facts come out ,and 70 80 million people were pissed about what happened, I think congress would have to choose Kerry/Edwards "faster than a cat trying to sh*t on a hot tin roof"

[Even little boy Joey knows more about how the Constitution works than you do.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-21-05 ("Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants")

Have you noticed how energetic John Kerry seems to be lately? He spends 20 years in the Senate barely doing anything and yet it seems he is now putting himself into a whirl of activity that is saying to the world, “NOTICE ME! NOTICE ME!” And why is Kerry jumping up and down recently in order to get attention? For NO OTHER REASON than to keep attention focused on himself for his next try at the Presidency in ’08. It is truly a pathetic act, especially considering that there were reports that he barely made it through the last campaign due to constant exhaustion that was haunting him. Poor Kerry. He is now ruining his health again in a futile cause. Perhaps if he wakes up to political reality and realizes that he WON’T be nominated in ’08 he could relax and get back to the things he really wants to do: snowboarding and windsurfing. And the reason Kerry WON’T be nominated in ’08 is that Hillary has been designated by Karl Rove to be the nominee that year. Oh, and while we are at it, John Edwards can put down his can of hairspray since neither he nor any other candidate besides HILLARY will get the nomination. Right now Kerry’s shtick is to position himself far to the Left so as to gain the support of the DUmmiecrats which is vital in the primaries. However, as soon as it becomes obvious even to Kerry that he WON’T be nominated in ’08, he will pretty much disappear from the Senate. However, in the meantime all this futile activity by Kerry is quite amusing to watch as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants.” As usual the gullible DUmmie posts thinking that Kerry is a viable ’08 candidate are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who wishes that Kerry would just shut up and return to the snowboarding slopes, is in the [brackets]:

Kerry: Don't tell me what God wants

WASHINGTON - Sen. John F. Kerry yesterday attacked Republicans for having an ``orthodoxy of view'' and overly inserting religion into politics, accusing them of using God as a justification for appointing conservative judges.

``I am sick and tired of a bunch of people trying to tell me that God wants a bunch of conservative judges on the court and that's why we have to change the rules of the United States Senate,'' Kerry told a group of Bay State residents who traveled to Capitol Hill for U.S. Rep. Martin Meehan's annual legislative seminar.

BOSTON HERALD ARTICLE

And I’m sick and tired of all this phony political activity on the part of Kerry after 20 years of near inactivity in the Senate prior to his 2004 campaign.

I'm no Kerry basher, but we could've used that about 8 months ago.

[8 months ago, Kerry wasn’t running for renomination.]

so couLd have aL gore in 2000 and i certainLy appreciate what gore has said since then

[And I certainly appreciate what Al Gore has said since then as well. His bizarre ranting and raving is quite entertaining.]

Don't get me wrong at all - I'm glad he said it. I'm just lamenting that it came now and not October.

[Kerry needs to put on a crazed liberal shtick strictly because he wants to be renominated. The moment he realizes that HILLARY is the designated (by Karl Rove) nominee, he will drop his whole routine and return to fulltime snowboarding and windsurfing…after sleeping off some his exhaustion on Teh-RAY-suh’s couch in her Nantucket mansion.]

I swear I think our last two candidates were muzzled by somebody during their campaign. They are both turning into firebrands after the fact. I really think we need to figure out who keeps telling our candidates how to lose and then fire them.

[Sorry but Karl Rove has tenure. You CAN’T fire him.]

The real question is, will it be used by Dem Pres Candidate "X" in '08? We need someone with testicles (male or female...I'm thinking Barbara Boxer here folks) to say these things.

[The testicled candidate that will be nominated in ’08 will be Hillary. So Karl Rove has said. So it WILL be done.]

The Right owns the Press, the machinery of our Elections, and most of the capital in this country. It's not going to be an easy thing to surmount.

[The Diebold machines have already been preprogrammed for the “R” candidate to win in ’08.]

I think Kerry got himself an education when he ran. I don't think he understood how evil conservatives are. I predict that if Bush gets his way, they will end up being far worse than the Nazis. I don't see how right-wing policies will lead to anything but a series of wars fought to control resources for corporatists who really aren't interested in diplomacy or conservation.

[BFEE. Ooh! Ooh! Let me run off the rest of the paranoid acronyms: PNAC, LIHOP, MIHOP, CNP, IHOP. Oooooh! I feel sooooo much BETTER now!]

Obviously Kerry has yet to speak to Ratzinger! I fear for our liberal Catholic politicians!

[Thus spaketh DUmmie IndianaGreen. BTW, I DENY that I am posing as IndianaGreen in DUmmieland. Or maybe I am. I’ll NEVER tell. Hee! Hee!]

He needs to moon the Bush lackey, Ratzigwhatever his name is!

[That would be a grotesque sight---Kerry bending over and dropping his drawers to reveal his bony buttcheeks.... Hope it's on video!!!]

We need some more of this from the "religious left."

[Kerry is religious? Since when is snowboarding a religious rite?]

It's nice to see Kerry finding his "inner warrior"...now that the FRICKING election is over.

[Kerry will ditch his “inner warrior” the moment he sees his renomination is going NOWHERE.]

Could someone explain to me why when people like Kerry and Gore become presidential candidates they are wooden and careful and so slow to speak anything remotely approaching the truth but as soon as they are no longer candidates, they turn into the wonderful truth telling firebrands that they should always have been.

[Because being out of power brings out the “Inner Nutcase” in them.]

I think we can see one reason is "The Scream" Any fire-branding is automatically painted by the conservative MSM as "nuts" "whacko" "angry" "out of control" "angry liberal" etc.

[YEEEEEEAAAAAAGHHHH!!! Kerry should practice that scream for use during his nomination concession speech to Hillary.]

Sounds like Kerry is turning into the next Gore...ANGRY as hell for losing to a MORAN!!!

[Love it! Plenty of future DUmmie FUnnies material there.]

It's really too bad...... I truly think that if Kerry had the courage to speak like this last year, he would have won by a margin too large to steal. But, credit where credit is due, Kerry deserves a lot of credit for coming out and saying what needed to be said.

[Yes. I give full credit to Kerry for allowing his Inner Nutcase to come out. He is now on a par with Al Gore.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-20-05 ("How would we react if it was discovered that 9-11 was an inside job?")

Head DUmmie Skinner was crybabying today about his own DUmmies spamming their “Greatest” section with posts plugging Wesley Clark for President. Oh Boo-Hoo! Would you like a hankie to cry into, Skinner? Actually I am amused that he is upset with this since Clark is ENTIRELY a creature of the Clintons which means there isn’t a chance in hell that he will run for President in ’08. Actually there isn’t a chance in hell of any Democrat other than Hillary winning the Democrat nomination in ’08 so all those dopey DUmmie threads speculating on whether their ticket will be Clark-Kucinich or Kucinich-Boxer or Whatever-Whomever is entirely LAUGHABLE since their nominee will be HILLARY. Why? Because Karl Rove wants her to be the nominee. Therefore DUmmie Skinner would be wise to quit sniffling about silly Clark thread spamming and worry about the flat out moonbattery which is rife in DUmmieland. There are a plethora of moonbats over there but one of their standout nutcases is DUmmie mopaul who came up with this doozy of a THREAD titled, “How would we react if it was discovered that 9-11 was an inside job?” Of course, there is NO QUESTION in Dummieland that 9-11 was an inside job, since as you will see they are of the MIHOP persuasion which means they think that the EVIL Bush “Made It Happen On Purpose” (as opposed to the less numerous “moderate” DUmmies who think LIPOP---“Let It Happen On Purpose"). So let us all don our tinfoil hats to protect us from the DUmmies radiating their Moonbat theories in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, reporting from his table at IHOP, is in the [brackets]:

How would we react if it was discovered that 9-11 was an inside job?

[I’m reacting to your premise, DUmmie mopaul, by naming you DUmmie of the Week for your extreme moonbattery above and beyond the call of duty.]

New acronym: WSIW= "Who says it wasn't?"

[WSIW---A new acronym for the DUmmie Moonbat Dictionary. It sits proudly alongside MIPOH, LIHOP, PNAC, BFEE, and MB (MoonBat).]

BILLIONS of reasons--and very little risk. They are getting away w/ murder. This goes way above *Bush. We're dealing with the quasi military infrastructure of the national security state itself. For some (we CAN name names), war is VERY lucrative. Cheney is most likely the chief conspirator. He and Rumsfeld have been tied into the national security infrastructure (secure communications between NORAD and Secret Service, for example) since the Reagan era. WHY so many unanswered--hell, UNASKED--questions regarding the many 9/11 anomalies? Why the secrecy and cover-up, the derision and ridicule--and mostly deflected attention from--those who ask the questions? It is difficult to wake up to the fact that those currently in control of the highest offices of our nation are, in fact, traitors, criminals, murderers and worse. They have an agenda and it is the overthrow of the Constitution--or, at the very least, making it a completely irrelevant historical relic--and they are well on their way to accomplishing their aim. Both ignorance of the facts and denial of the implications aids and abets them toward their goal. Until we understand that the roots of fascism, eugenics and Nazism go deep within the wealthiest and most powerful families in both the US and abroad, we will remain victims of their privilege, oppression and deception.

[Deep beneath the surface of the planet, there lives a race of tiny DUmmies…]

It is not that they come right out and say it wasn't because that would require them to explain why they think so.Their technique is to simply ignore that or if they do address it, to belittle the person asking the question as a Conspiracy Theorist because, as they say, how can you even think that our "Leaders" would do something so callous and mean? You are not a patriot!.

[My technique is to belittle you as a Moonbat theorist.]

I Thought Everyone Knew That The Fundie Sheeple Have Been Secretly receiving "Christian Soma"(TM) via their churches.

[“Christian Soma” ™, now sold at your local health food stores.]

Remember we live in times when our illusions are sacred and the truth profane.The more we assume we are unique and our leaders are virtuous men and women incapable of being corrupted by power, the more likely it is that events like 9/11 will be foisted upon us.Our leaders, such as they are, have played mind games on us on a massive scale and we are trapped by our own failings and prejudices.So, expect denials from ordinary citizens that only the Arabs are capable of such heinous acts, not our virtuous leaders.

[Take two Somas and see the doctor in the morning.]

the more I learn the more I am convinced that it WAS an inside job once you are able to face that, it's easy to believe anthing disgusting about our faux leaders. I hope when the rest of our country figures it out, the hog tie the bastards, tar and feather them, shame them from office and imprison them in one of our finest Iraqi prisons where they will be prison bitchs for Baghdad Bob.

[In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle,
a DUmmie sleeps Tonight.
A-Moonie-Bat, A-Moonie-Bat...]

Most here fall into the LIHOP or MIHOP crowd. I'm fairly certain it was an inside job. If irrefutable evidence came forward, I would gloat without an ounce of shame. "I saw the writing on the wall. How could you not?" Probly get T-shirts made too

[How about a T-Shirt with “IHOP” written in maple syrup?]

It WAS an inside job. No doubt.

[No doubt. No doubt. Now bite hard on the leather strap while we put you down with a sledge hammer.]

I suspected it from the first moment. Just days prior to 9/11, my neighbor and I discussed "corrupt leaders allowing a disaster or terrorist act as an excuse to take over, as Hitler did with the Reichstag Fire". Hitler's Enabling Act is nearly identical to the unP.A.T.R.I.O.T. Acts.

[Light blue or purple haze? What color would you prefer for your padded room decor?]

If most Americans come to the realization that those entrusted with their protection conspired in the murder of their wives, husbands, children, parents, friends and fellow citizens on 9/11, it wouldn't change a thing. It would become part of the great tapestry of American dissonance. It would join the cottage industry of conspiracy entertainment, because that's all such ugly truths are allowed to be in America. High Crimes are for dark amusement, not for solving, and not for justice.

[Been toking a lot of dope with your ACLU watch border watch unit?]

Well we know it was plotted inside this country with help from people inside this country and people in countries that we make all nicey nice with like Pakistan. So the question is really only how high up does it go and WHO knew WHAT WHEN. (see basic journalism, stuff) Really-anybody should spend a week researching this on line and your brain will never be the same.

[We already know your brain will never be the same.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-20-05 ("New pope intervened against Kerry in US 2004 election campaign")

The Drudge Report is my Home Page so as soon as I went on to the Web this morning I saw a headline there that I knew would make the DUmmies go nuts as you can in this THREAD with the same title as in the Drudge Report, “New pope intervened against Kerry in US 2004 election campaign.” Yes, DUmmies, now you can blame the new Pope for keeping the EVIL Bush Regime in power. The DUmmie ants are certainly stirred up this morning which makes for FUN DUFUing. As usual the DUmmies casting their stones against the Pope is shown in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, happily giving the new Pope credit for swinging Ohio into the Bush column, is in the brackets:

New pope intervened against Kerry in US 2004 election campaign

[BEAUTIFUL! Tell us more!]

WASHINGTON (AFP) - German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the Vatican theologian who was elected Pope Benedict XVI, intervened in the 2004 US election campaign ordering bishops to deny communion to abortion rights supporters including presidential candidate John Kerry.

In a June 2004 letter to US bishops enunciating principles of worthiness for communion recipients, Ratzinger specified that strong and open supporters of abortion should be denied the Catholic sacrament, for being guilty of a "grave sin."

He specifically mentioned "the case of a Catholic politician consistently campaigning and voting for permissive abortion and euthanasia laws," a reference widely understood to mean Democratic candidate Kerry, a Catholic who has defended abortion rights.

The letter said a priest confronted with such a person seeking communion "must refuse to distribute it.

[Maybe this also knocked Tom Dashole out of the Senate. Didn’t this same thing apply to him as well?]

If bush were Catholic he damned well better be denied the same freakin' thing.

[Why? Did he support abortion?]

Benedict XVI is a despicable, and he has directly intervened in American politics. I hope his reign is short and trouble-ridden. What a jerk. This completely reverses my willingness to have an open-mind about this pope.

[Trust me. You were close-minded from the get-go.]

Nice way to change my disappointment to Anger!

[Soon to change to RAGE once you realize that the new Pope probably switched Ohio from Kerry to Bush. Hee! Hee!]

So The Catholic Church Interfered In A US Election On Behalf Of The GOP

[Yet another example of the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

And Catholics in blue states voted for Kerry while Catholics in red states voted for *. IMHO - no impact.

[Unless it was a red state but only by about 100,000 vote margin such as Ohio. But let a fellow DUmmie make that point now…]

Unless in some close state there were Catholics who would ordinarily have been Democratic. Then it did have an impact as the "red" state would if not for this have been a "blue" state. ie Ohio - may have been like this.

[“May have been?” How about DEFINITELY was? The tentacles of Karl Rove extends even into the Vatican.]

If you look at the exit polls, Kerry won!

[And the actual voting is nothing but a mere formality.]

You'll never know how their votes were counted. Were they counted they way they voted or the way Rove wanted them to vote?

[Stupid question. We all know they voted the way Rove WANTED them to vote.]

I have lots of Liberal Catholic friends who "voted" for Kerry on those damn touchscreens in the RED state of NC. NC had some of THE most f*cked up election "glitches" throughout the state. I believe we went blue!

[Yeah, right. North Carolina went blue. Call in Bev Harris!]

Roman Catholic voters swung to Bush in greater numbers in 2004 than 2000, despite the fact that Kerry, unlike Gore, was himself Roman Catholic. In fact, it's not at all impossible to argue that Roman Catholics, not fundamentalists, were the "moral values" voters that decided the election.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for a very brief moment of mental clarity.]

Ironic if true - remembering how JFK had to fight the idea that he would be controlled by the church. Last year the church apparently was angry that JK voted according to his interpretation of the constitution - and part of the country was mad he wasn't controlled by his church. This must be hurtful to JK who really does seem more religious than most.

[John Kerry seems more religious than most? What? Is riding a snowboard some sort of religious rite that I never heard of before?]

The College of Cardinals just plain blew it on this one; now question about it. I think maybe instead of saying "Viva Il Papa", his Roman parrishoners (he is now the Bishop of Rome) need to say "Seig Heil, Il Papa"! Why, oh why, couldn't they have picked that Cardinal from Honduras?

[Because the last time I checked the College of Cardinals does not reside in DUmmieland.]

Like I said today...This is a declaration of war on liberal American Catholics.

[So? Why don’t you form a breakaway church? Call it The First Church of the Universal Whatever.]

Don't Forget Our Own Senator Byrd Who was once a Klansman. We should not criticize or make comments about Ratzinger being part of the Hitler Youth.

[Big difference. The last time I checked, Sheets Byrd WILLINGLY JOINED the Klan as an ADULT. Plus Byrd rose in the Klan ranks to the Grand High Kleagle or whatever dopey name they give to their bigwigs.]

Yep this Pope is called the Enforcer and is Bush's buddy!!!

[Aren’t they golfing buddies?]

lets see BENEDICT put his money where his mouth is and try to excommunicate some of our Abortion Rights politicians.

[Starting with Nancy Pelosi.]

I don't want to sound mean, but...This better be a short Papacy!

[With your typical DUmmie luck, this Pope will have the lifespan of a goatherder in the Caucuses and live to the ripe old age of 130 so you will stuck with him for another 50 years.]

Catholic Church is a farce, Vatican is a RW Corp. State. Divorce is not allowed. If a Catholic divorces it is considered a sin and any new marriage cannot be in their church. If a Catholic divorces and re-mairies outside of the Catholic Church the marriage is considered invalid and living in sin. Yet, an anullement can be granted with money given to the church even if that marriage was consumated and been going on for years. What a farce!

[Tell that to Joe Kennedy III.]

I say remove the tax exempt status and charge the church with criminal intent to interfere with a U S election.

[If that is the case you would have to haul lots of Black Churches into court.]

I really don't like this guy. He takes pleasure in adulation.

[Perhaps you preferred that he frowned when named Pope?]

I wondered if the Bush cabal would pick the next Pope. They did.

[Wrong. The Rove cabal picked the Pope. Now say as rapidly as you can: “Pied Piper Pitt Picked a Polish Pope and ate a Plate of Pickled Peppers.”]

When you saw JPII all you could think was this guy prays so hard it's giving me a headache. And how about their backgrounds? JP survived the Nazi's, saved a country, helped defeat communism, loved and was loved by billions.

[He defeated communism? That makes him NOT loved by the DUmmies.]

Any church that, for starters, denies women the right to leadership positions AND refuses to allow birth control ... or even condoms to be used to help stop the AIDS pandemic in Africa ... is BULLSHIT! And don't even get me started on a woman's right to have control over her own BODY. I know the Catholic church doesn't care if it has my respect or not ... but it has lost every bit of respect I ever had for the faith of my girlhood. This Rat-zinger is a misogynist and a homophobe. And he can kiss my lapsed-Catholic ass!

[Is that you, Madonna?]

Whatta surprise - another "Swift Pope Veteran for Bush"

[Actually it was “Swift Pope Veterans for Truth” but let’s not quibble over details.]

Whoops. Well, if I were an on-the-fence Catholic before. I'm off now. Anyone have the Episcopilian's number?

[1-800-GO-LESBO.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-19-05 ("Germany's Ratzinger is new pope")

A new Pope was chosen today and no sooner did the white smoke clear the chimney and the bells sounded the news when the DUmmies went into their Alternative Universe Mode with nutty observations about the papacy. There were many such threads in Dummieland but I chose this THREAD titled, “Germany's Ratzinger is new pope,” mainly because it seemed to be the longest and therefore had a LOT of NUttie DUmmie material to work with. So let us now enter the hallowed sanctum of DUmmieland and watch their theological musings in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if Tom Tryon will ever be chosen as Pope, is in the [brackets]:

Oh goody. Another neocon in power. Will any US Catholics leave the church over this?

[Only self-excommunicated DUmmies.]

surely there are some who will wake up to this. "the deep moral sickness" of europe was a fave topic for ratzy and jp2. we are in for one hell of a ride. keep your eye out for commentary on how SOON they arrived at this decision. it's about money and power -- the blood cult wing of the theocrats is now in power in catholicism as well as protestantism. this is frightening in the extreme, but not surprising. those of us who left in the 80s over jp2's siding with latin american dictators over their own preists, expected this.

[What dictators in South America? You mean Castro and Chavez? In any event I will be sure NOT to pass your meaningless comments over to “ratzy.”]

I'm glad I'm a protestant, and don't have to view the words of the pope as the words of God. It leaves me free to respect men like JPII, even though I disagree with some of his beliefs.

[Sorry but being a member of the First Church of the Universal Whatever doesn’t qualify as Protestant.]

My mom hasn't been to church in years because of how conservative the Church has gotten... she's looking into the Unitarian Church. Yay!

[I’ve seen the Unitarian Bible. The pages are blank so you can write your own rules.]

Maybe we'll get lucky he will "die in his sleep" like our 33 day "Progressive Pope" John Paul 1st, did. Yes, I'm an Ex-Catholic, and now I plan on staying that way.

[DUmmie compassion on display.]

I think of myself as a "Renegade Catholic". My wife...thinks of herself as a "Catholic on permanent vacation". We resigned from the Catholic Church this winter after all the pro-Bush political crapola the Vatican spewed during our 2004 Presidential elections, their vocal pro-Bush, anti-gay-American-marriage crapola, the American bishop (s?) who refused John Kerry communion for his support of the law of Roe v. Wade, the San Diego bishop's refusal to give a gay nightclub owner a Catholic burial, and the Tom Delayish crapola the Vatican publicly spewed about the Terri Schiavo fiasco. The Vatican has become an arm of the neo-con/fundie movement in Amerika because it too has always been obsessed with power, and they see that right now that's where the power is. We're Da Vinci Code enthusiasts now. Non-affiliated, non-denominational spiritual deists, perhaps. We don't need no f'in churches to find our way through this life and into the next.

[Don’t tell anybody but the College of Cardinals used Diebold machines when voting for the Pope. Let us now start a new BBV (Black Box Vatican) conspiracy thread.]

I'm not precisely an Ex-Catholic, but I'm as close as you can get without actually severing ties. It's a glum day for Catholicism. And they WILL indeed see more American Catholics falling away. They WILL indeed see their donation money continuing to dry up. When I'm not at Mass, I'm not putting anything into the collection plate. And it isn't just me. It was a CNN report I saw a few days ago that indicated the largest share of donations to the Catholic Church comes from America.

[Not One Damn Dime Day!]

He practially endorsed GW Bush as the next great president don't you all remember?

[Yeah. I remember the new Pope was a delegate at the GOP convention last summer.]

Leaving the church. I already sent an e-mail to my husband saying that I will be attending the episcopal church on Sunday.

[And you had to notify your hubby via e-mail because he can’t stand living under the same roof as you.]

I left the Church about ten years ago, because of the actions of hundreds of men, and how they treated me as a woman. How they preached and wrote doctrine, etc. against ME. I didn;'t leave the Church, it left me. If it was one person, I wouldn't have left. It was many. And since I have left, it's gotten so much worse, calling gay people "evil," refusing to even acknowledge condoms help in stopping AIDS. Sticking to these crazy, antiquated ideas while millions die. And, we were very active in the Church. I even taught CCD for many years.

[So join the First Church of ME.]

You might want to try the United Church of Christ. They're very progressive and very welcoming.

[Translation: Gay pastors! Lesbian pastors!]

I wish now that I had not left the RC some years ago, so that I could leave now in protest to this worst of all possible choices for pope.

[Perhaps you can retroactively rejoin the church in order to quit it again.]

I no longer follow any Christian religion, but my current beliefs are completely consistent with what I believe were the actual teachings of JC, namely, love, love, love.

[Welcome to the First Church of the Aquarian Age.]

This fix was in before JP died. Bush and Cheney are smiling today.

[And don’t forget the smirk on Karl Rove’s face.]

Joey da Rat. Is an Opus Dei member, a VERY fascist organization. Was he forced to join Opu Dei?

[Were you forced to join DUmmieland?]

Why...are people cheering for ole Ratzo? He was a Nazi for God's sake. He also considers Protestants "heretics" and holds an extremely orthodox, reactionary position on so many issues. It's back to the Middle Ages for the CC now.... and the Inquisition if Ratzy decides to fire clergy and excommunicate members. Oh boy. What fun. Are hardline fundie Catholics salivating?

[The bad news for you is that “ole Ratzo” considers DUmmies to be morons.]

Did Diebold run this election too?

[Yes. Call Bev Harris to investigate. She is just $10 away from overturning the papal selection.]

I don't want to hear the Church whining about lack of membership. As for me, I left dogmatic religion a long time ago and never went back. I go to church in the mountains, by the shores, or looking into a midnight sky…

[…or staring at the bottom of a septic tank.]

Matthew Fox for Pope!!! He'd be perfect! I am his fan and love his books. I am an Episcopalian.

[Pied Piper Pitt for Pope!!!]

I miss Jaime Cardinal Sin of the Philippines.

[Catchy name at the very least.]

I'm glad I'm not a member of the Roman Church and have to accept this as "God's will" ... I'm quite content not even being a Christian anymore.

[Druid or Wiccan?]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-19-05 ("Blaming widespread 'faulty' voting machines is bad for Democrats")

An unquestioned tenet of DUmmie faith is that the 2004 election was stolen by the EVIL Republicans using the infamous Black Box Voting machines. At least that belief has held fast in DUmmieland until now when DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal presented the heretical thought that maybe, just maybe, the Republicans won the election fair and square as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Blaming widespread ‘faulty’ voting machines is bad for Democrats.” Of course DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal was publicly burned at the stake for this extreme heresy. So let us now look at ProudToBeLiberal face the flames of the DUmmie Inquisition. As usual the accusations of the DUmmie Torquemadas are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble corresondent, watching the auto de fe atop a Diebold machine, is in the [brackets]:

Blaming widespread "faulty" voting machines is bad for Democrats. It is bad for Democrats on so many levels. One it disenfranchise Democrats. This idea of blaming it on BBV puts down people. It makes people helpless and makes them give up.

[And could you give up some money for Bev Harris? She is just $10 away from discovering vote fraud. Continue verging on slight reality DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal…]

I already see the evil tentacles of BBV grabbing hold of people on DU.

[The evil tentacles of the Rovian Octopus spread far and wide. Hee! Hee! Continue…]

We have to accept responsibility that we lost, not because of some "widespread faulty voting machines" but that the other side outplayed us in campaigning. We just have to try harder.

[HERETIC! For this blatant violation of the DUmmie Faith, I sentence you to be burned at the stake, DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal!!!]

Don't let this notion of BBV take away your motivation and your will to win.

[The Diebold machines are already set and ready for the 2006 elections so why bother voting. And now let us watch your fellow DUmmies burn you at the stake for your extreme heresy, DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal.]

Where I helped in Sandusky OH, botched recount, a person on the BOE there said the touch screen machines (used in other places) should all be smashed! He knew they were no good. Paper ballots, hand counted at the precinct level, is the only way to restore faith in the Democratic process.

[And yet the liberals just after the 2000 election were all screaming for those touch screen machines. Go figure.]

It's not our responsibility to accept "that we lost". America lost. We need to step up and DEMAND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ELECTION FRAUD/THEFT.

[Yes. Do that. Such demands always provide great comedy material for the DUmmie FUnnies. Would you like an autographed copy of the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories)?]

Sorry, But It's Not Who Votes But Who COUNTS THE VOTES. there is only one reason for these machines to suck so bad. Now, we just have to figure a way to PROVE it in a court of law.

[That part of proving it in a court of law does tend to be an annoying little detail.]

I'm arguing that blaming on some abstract idea is bad for Democrats, as the reason stated above.

[Yes. It makes the Democrats look like tinfoil hat conspiracy loons which is why they should continue with the BBV shtick.]

Shhh.....let's pretend it didn't happen. Let's be good little Dems now!

[Yes. Be good little Democrats and accept the results of Diebold…with Karl Rove working the dials behind the machine curtains.]

Nothings wrong with wanting a paper trail. I actually advocate a paper trail; however, some people go beyond that by blaming the loss of the presidential election on "widespread faulty voting machines." We have to take responsibilty that we lost because the other side campaigned better than us.

[Okay, DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal. I’ve tolerated your heresy long enough and have been holding this in thus far. However, you have gone far beyond the bounds of irrational thought so here goes: LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

No... we lost the election because FL and OH were stolen. The machines weren't "faulty", they were rigged. And those who refuse to see it still think the earth is flat. Eventually this will all come out.

[Bev Harris is just $10 away from bringing this out. Send money. NOW!!!]

oh now they are "rigged"...So according to you Dean's 50 state strategy doesn't matter because the voting machines are rigged. according to you voting doesn't matter because the voting machines are rigged. according to you contributing and campaigning doesn't matter because the voting machines are rigged. According to you we just give up participating in civic and political life because the it doesn't matter the voting machines are rigged. We should just sit on our lazy asses and watch the sun go around the world. I see. Now I know what this BBV is all about.

[No, DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal. You should sit on your lazy asses in front of your computer screens and rage loudly into the night as is now being done.]

Do some more homework; your idealism will be seriously challenged. We ALL must work to stop the counting of votes and the control of election technology and processes, by private corporations in thrall to the radical right wealth in the USA. My two Euros...

[And here is a $3 bill in change.]

Oh I see people with different viewpoints don't matter no wonder people think Democrats are elitist. I on the otherhand welsome other views AND disgreements. Political discourse makes the world go round. When the day comes that a single voice is stifled that will be the day when democracy ends.

[You sound entirely too rational, DUmmie ProudToBeLiberal. Let the Tombstoning ceremony begin!]

hush up the fact bush stole election, dont want to depress dem? is that it. well. k. lets all be quiet, lke i told myself prior to this election, they stole 2000, she just dont think about it and maybe they wont do it 2004. oops, they did. k pretend it didnt happen to not depress the dem vote,...........for 2006???? nope. truth has to be told. lite of the day. gotta be fix, or we dont win

[When will the English translation of your rant be available, DUmmie seabeyond?]

There's the risk that Democrats will fail to work in future elections feeling it is futile.

[It is futile. ALL your Diebolds belong to US.]

Locking. This has digressed into a flamefest.

[Spoilsport Moderator! DUmmie flamefests are FUN to watch. Now where am I going to roast my weenies and marshmallows?]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-18-05 ("Freepers, republicans, bush voters, tell me why you're so unhappy!")

We have seen many examples of a severe mental problem known as DUmmie Delusional Disorder (Triple D) in the past few months. Among the symptoms of Triple D are delusional fantasies (“I BEEEELEEEVE Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan. 20”), a complete lack of skepticism when they think something will hurt Republicans (shelling over oodles of money to con artist Bev Harris), grasping at unrealistic straws (manic joy whenever Pitt posts something about an obscure legal filing that might change the election results), and paranoid tin foil hatting (IHOP, MIHOP, etc.). Also among the many symptoms of Triple D is projection of their faults upon others. For examples, the Democrats have been stealing elections for years so now they are projecting that the Republicans have done the same with the Diebold machines. Another projection is that the Republicans are suffering from severe depression. Huh? And who won the past couple of elections? From what I’ve seen the DUmmies are in such a state of depression (they even have to “create their own reality” because they can’t cope with REAL reality) that they are now projecting their misery upon Republicans as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Freepers, republicans, bush voters, tell me why you're so unhappy!” Uh, right! Actually this Freeper is SUPREMELY happy over the general misery of the DUmmies because they provide such FANTASTIC material for the DUmmie FUnnies. So let us now enter the world of DUmmie Delusional Disorder (Triple D or 3D) and watch the DUmmie fantasies in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, crying tears of laughter, is in the [brackets]:

Freepers, republicans, bush voters, tell me why you're so unhappy! Tell me why you aren't on top of the world! Tell me what's wrong!

[Herr Doktor detects de klassic case of DUmmie Delusional Disorder in DUmmie Bouncy Ball. Please continue…]

Your party is in control of the legislative branch of the United States government, the executive branch of the government and most of the judicial branch (and the ones you don't like, you just hint hint about shooting). Even more, the media seems to have its face firmly in your party's lap. Deeply entrenched in corporate America and corporate America deeply entrenched with your party. If someone were to land here from another planet, they'd think, based on your glorified victim behavior that you guys have been losing elections for time out of mind.

[Und speaking of time out of mind…vell, draw your own conclusions from dis Dummie. Herr Doktor is most interested in patient, Bouncy Ball.]

Um, but you....haven't. So what exactly is your deal? I'd love just ONE freeper/republican/bushbot to tell me why they are STILL so unhappy. Are you only happy when you're down? Are you only happy with an enemy or five? Do you secretly know your leaders are actually evil little shmucks who don't give a shit about you? Or do you just love an atmosphere of nastiness and can't get by without it? I honestly TRULY do not get it. If my party were in control the way your party was, I'd be dancing on a table somewhere. I'd be singing "Happy days are here again...." I wouldn't even NOTICE the other party, I'd be so happy about mine, so engrossed in watching the good things my elected leaders are doing. I certainly wouldn't be focusing all my time on the party out of control. They would hardly be a blip on my radar.

[Verrrrry interrresting… DUmmie patient iss now fantasizing the celebrations he vould engage in if his party had vun the election. Extreme bitterness underlying such fantasy since it vas not to be. Continue mit der insensate spiel, mein patient…]

But rush said on his show the other day that a few Democratic senators CONTROL the Senate (Kennedy, Boxer, Reid). Are you all delusional? Or do you NEED enemies? Kennedy, Boxer and Reid don't control the Senate, far from it. Do you think your party is SO weak, so ideologically sick that even when it is in COMPLETE CONTROL, three Democratic senators can take over anyway? Explain this to me, please. I know you can't post here. But I know you read this site. And I want some of you out there to start explaining this strange thing. You don't act like winners. You act like a child who has just stolen another child's toy then spends the next hour screaming about how evil the other child is.

[Ach so! Patient now projecting being “delusional” on de odder side. Und de comment about acting like a child--yet anodder projection off de internal self. Typical symptoms of 3D. Und now mein patient, before you tell Herr Doktor about the hidden keys to de ice cream locker, dis session iss over.]


Even when he "won" I didn't see any happiness or celebration. Had Kerry won (ahem), you would have seen me dancing in the streets. It would have been a party for days. But bush wins and it's "meh" from them and much gnashing of teeth from everyone else.

[Don’t confuse lack of gloating with lack of happiness. However, we did see LOTS of unseemly gloating from the DUmmiecrats when they were celebrating their exit poll “victory” on the afternoon of Election Day.]

they're not unhappy...one Rush quote and you think they're unhappy. In live in DC. I see it. They're happy. Very happy.

[BINGO! Rush has a bad day with his accountants and somehow the DUmmies think that projects into unhappiness for ALL Freepers. Triple D at work again.]

I'm already a Christian but they need to f*ck off.

[Irony, thy name is DUmmie.]

They even had some big spectacular parties in D.C. but still are unhappy.

[Perhaps all that celebratory Champaign downed at the inaugural balls caused a few too many hangovers. But don’t confuse temporary discomfort with unhappiness my little 3D DUmmie.]

Where are all these communists?

[Posting in Dummieland.].p>


Maybe I shouldn't be saying anything--let them get crazier and crazier and crazier, causing more and more formerly apolitical people to wake up to their nuttiness and back away from them.

[WOW! Talk about a CLASSIC CASE of DUmmie Delusional Disorder with the Projection symptom. And speaking of “waking up to their nuttiness,” that will definitely happen IF Mary Matalin ever gets around to checking her e-mail. Thanx for giving a great reason why a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) NEEDS to be published.]

Well, oddly enough, we have a Marxist bookstore here in Birmingham. The Pathfinder Bookstore is a front for the Socialist Worker's Party. It's weird, but we do have some resident communists. By and large, they're mainly concerned with labor issues.

[Uh-huh. Just mild mannered Marxists primarily concerned with working conditions. Oh, and I guess Fidel Castro is merely an agrarian reformer.]

or for that matter, where are all the terrorists?

[Haven’t you been reading any news about Iraq? Oops! I forgot. You DUmmies refer to them as “freedom fighters.”]

Persecution is part of their operational attitude. Basically they live in a world of fear, fear in all its manifestations and consequences.

[And projection is part of the DUmmie operational attitude. Oh, and tell us about BFEE and/or PNAC again.]

They are metaphysically afraid. They think Jesus will jump out of the closet and "get 'em" for something bad that they have done. That is where it all starts with most of them.

[With me, I thought it was the Tooth Fairy. Somehow I get VERY NERVOUS about any sort of fairy jumping out of a closet to get me.]

They really have a lot of trouble relating to the world, which they see as hostile and threatening. But they cannot see that the problem lies within them, so they project it onto somebody else. That is why they are never happy. They cannot be happy, since being happy requires some acceptance of life as it is and some willingness to be at least a little bit flexible. They cannot BE flexible, because once they start questioning ANYTHING, their whole world starts to crumble and they are back in a condition of metaphysical angst.

[Trouble relating to the world? “I BEEEELEEEVE!!!” “Create our own reality.” “IHOP or MIHOP?” “Bev Harris is just $10 away from discovering voter fraud.” Yeah, tell us again about having trouble relating to the world. Please send your report in on Jan. 20, the day Kerry is inaugurated as President.]

The fearfest gets mighty tiring. I never was into it, but I can't imagine staying in fear so much and for so long.

[Then perhaps you should consider tombstoning yourself from DUmmieland. You know. The place rife with fearfests about PNAC, BFEE, IHOP, MIHOP, and, above all, Karl Rove.]

Maybe they're jealous Mr. Clinton got some and they haven't gotten laid in a while.

[According to Mr. Clinton, he didn’t “get some” either. It depends on what your definition of “is” is.]

That's why we need to arm ourselves if you aren't.. If they get a chance, and we've all speculated about the catalyst that would give it to them, they would attempt to round us up for mass shootings. If you can snipe back at them from a distance, they're less likely to be successful in their attacks.

[What was that again about Freepers promulgating fearfests?]

It's a sign of another stolen election. A lot of people on the right are unhappy with Bush. There are also others on the right who don't want to make much of the last election because they have a feeling that bragging about it would call attention to it. A lot of *** supporters believe he lost in 2004 (and 2000) and don't want to mention his supposed victory of November. Five and a half months after our latest farcical elections is no time for the right to be reminding people that *** is still in office.

[Psst! Psst! Ixnay on talking about the previous election. Pass it along or they might find out about how we fixed the Diebold machines.]

They are not happy unless they feel persecuted.

[Okay. You can put the mirror down now and quit peering into your own soul.]

Maybe they're unhappy because, on some level, they know the country is in deep trouble yet they're NEVER wrong, so they are having a hard time reconciling their slavish devotion to a fascist regime.

[The only thing that will make me unhappy is if you DUmmies are ever cured of DUmmie Delusional Disorder since that would mean losing my DUmmie FUnnies material. Now tell us more about “slavish devotion to a fascist regime.”]

Repuks are mad at the whole world. Whereas, those that smile, open doors etc., turn out to be Dem's, or at least against what's going on if you pay attention to the remarks they make in passing.

[Yeah. DUmmiecrats are so happy and well-adjusted that they angrily smash pies into the faces of those they disagree with.]

It's as simple as they can't stand anyone not thinking like them...

[Ooooh! Ooooh! I’m so mad that liberals don’t think like me that I am going to toss pies and salad dressing at them!!!]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-15-05 ("Rangel: Bush 'Impeachable' for Social Security 'Fraud'")

When I began reading this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Rangel: Bush 'Impeachable' for Social Security 'Fraud',” I thought the DUmmies would cast skepticism on the story because its source was NewsMax which they usually denounce as being “rightwing.” However, DUmmie desperation is such that they instead EMBRACED this story with glee because they are looking for any, ANY excuse to try to impeach George W. Bush with. Hey, DUmmies! Bush just attended the Pope’s funeral. Why don’t we impeach him for violating the separation of Church and State decree as interpreted by the ACLU? Hey DUmmies! Bush just tossed out the first ball of the season in D.C. last night. Why don’t we impeach Bush for dereliction of duties for spending time at a baseball game instead of attending to his White House business? The list is endless. Over the next couple of years, hardly a week will go by without the DUmmies finding some sort of “impeachable offense” to charge Bush with. However, such charges also leads to great comedy reading such as this edition of the DUFUs. As usual, the unimpeachable insanity of the DUmmies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, pleading Nolo Contendre, is in the [brackets]:

With Carl Limbacher and NewsMax.com Staff For the story behind the story...

Thursday, April 14, 2005 12:15 p.m. EDT
Rangel: Bush 'Impeachable' for Social Security 'Fraud'

Top House Democrat Charlie Rangel said this week that President Bush had committed an "impeachable offense" by trying to destroy the Social Security retirement system, calling Bush's reform plan "a fraud."

In comments to the New York Sun, Rangel blasted the president for trying to "dismantle" Social Security, saying it would hurt black Americans disproportionately. After calling the White House proposal fraudulent, Rangel said Bush's attempt to reform Social Security was an "impeachable offense." For black Americans, the congressman added, the struggle against the proposed changes was "not only a civil-rights fight, but a fight for America."

Rangel called on African-Americans to continue their "missionary" work against the Social Security proposals and likened the effort to marching with Martin Luther King Jr. from Selma to Montgomery. Before raising the spectre of impeachment, the top Democrat told a Town Hall meeting in Harlem that the Bush Social Security plan was both "vicious and mean." "We have to get rid of the bums that are trying to take away from us," Rangel complained, saying he was referring to "people who sleep with Bush, Cheney, Wolfowitz, and the rest of them."

[Thus we see the NewsMax story posted in Dummieland. And the congressman who deserves to be impeached the most is none other than Charles Rangel himself for wasting government time and money for introducing a Draft bill that he voted AGAINST. I repeat. Charles Rangel voted AGAINST his own bill. Tell me that isn’t a huge dereliction of duty and responsibility.]

Go Charlie Go-YES YES

[YES! YES! OH YES, CHARLIE! I am about to have massive urinations of HAPPINESS in my pants at the prospect of a Bush impeachment. Oh, what did you say was his impeachable offense? No matter. All that counts is that Bush be IMPEACHED. OH YES! YEEEESSSSS!!!!]

Sounds good to me. His whole program is a fraud. He has no plan and there is nothing wrong with Social Security. Boxer was on some CSPAN program and was telling how in the 80's they worked with Reagan on fixing it to where it was fine and everything.

[Yup! Everything is just hunk-dory with social security. Barbara Boxer said so. But wait! Is she actually giving credit to Reagan for that? Does not compute! Does not compute!]

IMPEACH NOW. sTART THE IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS NOW

[This minute. INSTANTLY. We’ll find the charges later but the important thing is that we IMPEACH NOW!!!]

Oh, yes. Getting chills thinking about taking off work to watch the * Impeachment on CSPAN! Hallelujah! What a day THAT would be!

[And don’t forget to mop up those Urinations of HAPPINESS off the floor.]

Kick and nominated. Because I like Charlie a whole lot for a whole lot of reasons.

[What a great guy that Charlie is! Voting AGAINST his own draft bill and wasting the Congress’s time.]

Gotta love how he gets the issues in the news...Getting words like "Impeachment" and "Draft" on the floor and in the news is how you start people talking and a consensus moving. He's also one of the most consistently funny and articulate men I've ever seen in government office. He's a gem.

[Hmm… If Rangel voted against his own draft bill, does that mean he will vote against his own impeachment proposal? He’s a gem.]

Interesting. I hope someone will act on it.

[Don’t worry. It is being featured in the DUmmie FUnnies. Now if we can also get it out in book forum (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories)…. CALLING MARY MATALIN!!!]

Ahhh, makes me feel a little better...when a Democrat in the House talks about impeachement.

[Even if he is a fraudulent nutcase who votes against his own bills.]

that would be around 12th on my list of impeachable offenses

[…..Right behind tossing out the ball on the opening day of the baseball season.]

I can dig it, but remember they got Capone on tax evasion. Anything is better than nothing. Get him on whatever you can get him on. And they won't have planned for something small.

[Overdue library books, jaywalking, ripping the mattress tag off his bed. Yes. There are a whole host of charges we can use to charge Bush with.]

This is great - finally someone puts it out there without mincing words. And he HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK!

[I repeat. Throwing the baseball out on the first day of the season. IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE!!!]

OK with me,but why isn't lying to launch an illegal invasion of a disarmed nation and thus causing the murder of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis a problem? Why isn't lying about Medicare an impeachable offense? Why isn't interfering with the investigation of 9-11 an impeachable offense? Why isn't impeding the investigation of Plame outing, Energy commission findings and the investigation into purchasing media an impeachable offense? Why isn't destroying our economy an impeachable offense?

[Why isn’t improper use of a pretzel an impeachable offense? Huh? Huh?]

Al Franken also said several times that Shrub's comment implying that the Social Security Bonds may not be honored by the government at some point is an impeachable statement. I forget which Article in the Constitution Franken referred to, but apparently Shrub's implying he might NOT honor these Bonds is an Impeachable comment.

[It’s in Article XXXIII of the Constitution aka the Social Security Bonds Amendment. BTW, Ariticle XXX is known as the Pornography Amendment. It prohibits the graphic display of Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy without a warning notice.]

I just get so frustrated! I feel so helpless, because no one seems to be doing anything about these horrendously egregious offenses.

[I’ve worked myself into a frothing rage over the proposal to reform Social Security. NEVER was there a more heinous act proposed by the White House!]

HERE IS MY PROBLEM WITH THIS!!!!!!!! I have hear of so many impeachable acts that Bush has done. I feel like there are a bunch of people talking about cutting a tree down. They keep standing around it and no one MOVES. Someone needs to get a chain saw and some ropes and START the job! WHO is going to Start this job? WHO is going to start this f*cking job? I sure would do it but I have no authority. I would not stand around and TALK about taking the damed tree down. I can't get a straight answer on this one and I really need to know. We all do so we can push the right people to get on down to the hardware store and buy a chain saw!

[I hear that K-Mart has a Blue Light special on chain saws this week.]

They CAN'T do this without Republican help as the Senate is now. They can't even begin a vote on it. There is no chainsaw to buy here, all the stores are owned by Republicans for now and are not open for business.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for a very brief moment of mental clarity!]

Impeachment is a word that needs to be used every day, until inertia alone makes something happen.

[I believe it is called “creating our own reality.”]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-14-05 ("Worst Movie from a Book")

A little change of pace with this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. Consider this sort of a lesson plan for infiltrating DUmmieland. The biggest problem with infiltrating DUmmieland is maintaining your cool without “outing” yourself before you hit the magic 1000 posts over there. The secret to hitting the 1000 posts without giving yourself away is to post on topics in the DUmmie Lounge. Most such topics are non-political and some of them are actually FUN subjects such as this THREAD titled, “Worst Movie from a Book.” I actually find this subject interesting and you should have NO TROUBLE posting to it without giving away your secret Freeper identity. BTW, have you ever noticed that there are almost NO movies that are better than the book? About the only exception I can think of is “The Searchers” which, in movie form, was a vast improvement on the book. Of course, legendary director John Ford had a hand in writing the script so that might explain the big improvement. SHHHH! Let us now INFILTRATE this DUmmie thread with our own comments. The DUmmie observations are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if the DUmmie FUnnies movie will be better than the book, is in the [brackets]:

Worst Movie from a Book…The Cider House Rules is probably one of my all time favorite books and it was RUINED in movie form. Probably because of the poor chemistry between Homer Wells and Candy (who was horribly casted as Charlize Theron). I will admit though that Michael Caine was the best part of that movie as Dr. Wilbur Larch.

[I can’t really judge on this observation since I neither read the book nor saw the movie. Obviously, it seems like the movie really sucks but is it worth reading the book?]

I agree, but Bonfire of the Vanities is in a league of its own! A brilliant book, a train wreck of a movie.

[Mark down this day as an historical event. I actually agree with a DUmmie! Only one problem. It seems that this DUmmie has little reading comprehension since that Tom Wolfe book expressed CONSERVATIVE values.]

You beat me to it. Bonfire of the Vanities was a disaster. I have never been more disappointed in a film from a book that I loved.

[You’re right. The flick sucked bigtime. However, I don’t understand you loving a book with a CONSERVATIVE outlook.]

It's easily Brian DePalma's worst film. Easily. My God, that film was a disaster. The miscasting was the worst part of it. The British journalist turned into....American Bruce Willis. Tom Hanks? And the elderly Jewish judge became...Morgan Freeman. And oh, dear God...Melanie Griffith. Doing one of the worst Southern accents I've ever heard. Wholesale story changes. A horrible script. I always thought this book was unfilmable. And DePalma proved that correctly. Watch this film (if you liked the book) at your own risk.

[Aren’t you ethnically stereotyping? Why couldn’t Morgan Freeman be an elderly Jewish judge? However, except for Tom Hanks it was some really horrible miscasting in that movie. It doesn’t surprise me a bit that Melanie Griffith was completely unconvincing doing a Southern accent. She was equally unconvincing portraying a Jewish chick spying in Nazi Germany with the accent and attitude of a jaded California drug addicted actress circa 1990. I can’t remember the name of the movie (maybe I’m trying to forget it) but she co-starred with an equally miscast Michael Douglas.]

The movie critic from the WSJ wrote a book about the making of the movie--The Devil's Candy--it's a good read--great stuff about how during the middle of filming Melanie G. goes away for a few days and comes back with huge breast implants--and they're all trying to figure out how they can film her so it's not noticeable from her smaller chest in the many, many scenes alreayd completed!

[BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Thanx for the laugh, DUmmie. Yeah, that sure does sound like something the brain dead Melanie G. would do. Maybe they should have filmed her without hiding those fake breasts. The contrast between the scenes would have made for great comedy.]

I was working at Warner Bros when the movie was being made--not anywhere on the production side--but everywhere people were talking about the movie and how bad it was--the rumors reached everyone!

The Horror! THE HORROR!!!

Almost all of the flims from Steven King books stank. "The Shining" and "Stand By Me" stand out as exceptions, and there are surely other decent ones I'm forgetting, but by and large, ugh. "Christine" may be the worst.

[Ditto the Tom Clancey books. In one of his books, the bad guys were Arab terrorists but PC Hollywood changed them to fascist Lithuanians…or were they Ukranians? Talk about BAD timing since it came out not long after 9-11.]

"The Stand" in movie form sucked. I don't care what anyone says.

[Hmmm…. Which movie? Didn’t they remake “The Stand” as a movie? I didn’t think the first Randall Flagg was all that scary.]

The Stand started off strong but got pretty weak towards the end.

[Didn’t Randall Flagg come off as sort of Yuppie? Refresh my memory here.]

"Pet Semetary" was the worst of a sorry lot.

[Agreed. Terrible movie.]

The Shawshank Redemption is pretty good. That's based on a King story.

[Yup! That was a good movie. However, I didn’t read the book. I used to read a lot of Stephen King novels but then I got Stephen Kinged out. One of my pet peeves are folks who just read ONE genre or one author. And often that author is Stephen King. There are a WHOLE LOT of other authors out there.]

My choice would be "The Name of the Rose." Choosing to make a movie out of that book is a clear indication that someone completely missed the point of the book.

[Maybe I’ll check out the novel. I thought it might have stunk because the movie was pretty lousy.]

Not that John Grisham books are good, but the movies are much worse. The Rainmaker sucked out loud.

[I never got around to reading any of the Grisham books because they are about lawyers. Don’t we get way too much of those folks in real life that I also have to read about them? Or am I missing out on some good reading?]

The Firm was a Grisham book too wasn't it? That movie sucked - in the end Tom Cruise walks into the Mafia (after screwing them over left and right) and finds some dumbass excuse to clear the Mafia.

[The Firm was the only Grisham flick I ever saw. You’re right. It sucked but I did like the scene where Tom Cruise shtooped some chick on the beach in the Caymans. I guess Cruise was acting out of character.]

The Scarlet Letter, with Demi Moore and Gary Oldman.

[WORST adaptation of a classic book to the big screen. We were supposed to believe that a brain dead DUmmie Moore with a California jaded actress accent and attitude existed in 17th century New England. Added to the mix is a strong dose of anachronistic feminism and New Age Indians. That movie is UNWATCHABLE.]

I liked Ragtime Milos Foreman did a good job with transferring the book to screen. He was correct in making Coalhouse Walker the focal point of the film. A great Randy Newman score and James Cagney was terrific as the police commissoner.

[Great book but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the movie. I think I got creeped out by some weird dude with a dopey smile and a straw hat. Somehow that messed up the movie for me.]


I, Robot
Starship Troopers
David Lynch's Dune

I didn’t see I, Robot but Starship Troopers the movie was a TRAVESTY. It missed the whole point about the Heinlein novel. Also we were supposed to believe that several centuries in the future, with all that technology, they still fought the Bug Aliens with infantry tactics that were outdated by the end of WWI. Okay, I did like the Dina Meyer’s nekkid shower scene but better to watch it on the Mr. Skin website than sit through that travesty of a flick. Oh, and did they pay Denise Richard’s lips a bonus for their appearance in this film?]

The Passion of the Christ

[Somehow I think you NEVER read the book version.]

Clan of the Cave Bear

[At least JFK, Jr. got a Schwing Alert from watching it.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-14-05 ("The Second Ammendment")

If there is one element of liberal theology that the DUmmies have dropped like a hot potato, it is support for strict gun control. In recent months the DUmmies have suddenly come all out in favor of gun ownership as you can see in this THREAD titled, “The Second Ammendment.” Of course, the MAIN reason why the DUmmies want to own and use guns is not for self-protection or hunting but to shoot EVIL Republicans in their Bolshevik Revolution that they so ardently desire. So for all you liberals out there still screeching about conservative “gun nuts” while you oppose the Second Amendment, may I present your fellow DUmmie leftists who truly are gun NUTS (emphasis on “nuts”). As usual, the AK-47 toting DUmmie blastings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a kevlar vest, is in the [brackets]:

The Second Ammendment

Ok, ok before anybody quotes it to me, I know I know the right to bear arms is well withing a well regulated militia... but... it is time for my fellow DU'ers to think of learning how to be safe around waapons and how to use them. By the way the only safety that works in a gun is between your ears.

Our counterparts are armed and they are proud of it... hell they also do not think any of us KNOWS how to use a weapon and indeed think many of us are cowards (I'd like to take many of these idiots where I have gone in the past... but that is another matter)

that said, some in the right ARE PUSHING this country to civil war. Many of us have said it in the past. So it is time for you to get familar with how to handle a pistol, at the very least. This is coming from a Medic, who was sworn to keep people alive, not take life, and who has SEEN the effects of fire arms.

I know this is not a popular view among many, but the time is now.... before you can no longer at the very least get this training.

[Thus far the only ones calling for civil war aka Bolshevik Revolution are the DUmmies and their Leftist cohorts. So you lose the election and now you want to shoot your way into power. Interesting to see the DUmmies supporting the Second “Ammendment.” Perhaps one day they shall support the Second Amendment.]

i agree with you I learned a while ago how to fire a handgun (25 cal. vintage mauser) that i inherited. but maybe its time to become proficient in assault rifles, since the GOP is making them so easy to obtain. I know I am a reasonably responsible person with firearms, so I think i can be careful with an AK besides, what could make the right-wing more nervous than a bunch of liberals openly training in advanced firearms??? And is perfectly legal to do so!

[I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?]

Romanian AK clone in 5.56 NATO...
That could be an option, load it up with SS-109 cartridges.

[And remember, you are not supposed to point the muzzle at your head as Al Gore did in a famous Vietnam War inaction photo.]

Yep that can always be an alternative
Especially for people not too familiar with how to clean them weapons or that they will go into the muck... the AK just makes more sense...By the way, let me welcome our freeper readers, I am sure they are going... look at what they are talking about at DU
Hi boys...

[Hi DUmmie hypocrites!]

Our side needs to take steps toward self-protection and firearms are a key to that plan. Even if you have an old Marlin .22 rifle, at least it's something. I fear something is brewing, especially with this latest news that a deadly influenza strain was distributed across the country. Rifles, shotguns, and even pistols can be affordable. PM if you want more details.

[So you are going to use the news about an influenza strain as a lame excuse to stock up on guns and prepare for Bolshevik Revolution?]

Okay, while I agree with some of what you are saying, I think saying it in a public forum is not a good idea given that stamps are enough now to call out the SS. Just be cautious because who the hell knows "what a person of interest" means to these people.

[The DUmmie persons of interest are being written down even as you post. Somehow I don’t think the government is too keen to allow DUmmies to buy guns for the sole purpose of shooting their way into power.]

Yep but getting the tranining is an NRA line as well and trust me at this point this is just advice... none of us is inciting violence, just asking that people are safe around guns.

[Why don’t read the posts in your own thread, DUmmie nadinbrzezinski? You fellow DUmmies, upset at losing the past election, now want to shoot their way into power.]

yea I agree, Its also a big drawback to the democrats in elections. I know many people that lean to vote democrat but dont because of gun issues. In my state NY the only thing I dont like about democrats is they are killing us with proposed gun bans. I want to vote against them but there is no alternative for me. Many people would feel better voting democrat if they knew their gun rights are safe. And what are they democratic gun grabbers going to do? They will vote democratic of course even if democrats turn pro gun. They wont go republican

[One thing I have to admit, it was FUN to watch Kerry dressing up in his Elmer Fudd duck hunting outfit to try to prove that he wasn’t anti-gun. But don’t worry. The Democrats will continue to shoot themselves in the foot with their support of gun grabbing.]

assault weapons are hardly used in crimes there no big deal. many people like to shoot them at the range. I dont see a different between a bolt action rifle or a assault rife. The german took over half the world with bolt actions. As far as voting there are alot of single issue voters. You use soft points with deer so you dont destroy the meat. Black talons were banned along time ago.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

you cannot buy full auto kits in the mail, they cannot easily be converted. The ATF does not allow weapons that can easily be converted to a machinegun to be sold. Show me where they can be bought? They sell TAC trigeer or Hellfire triggers that say they make a semi a full auto but they a crap, just a marketing gimmic. Either way if they weapons were legal or not do you think if they were banned it would have stopped this? Keryy wanted to renew the AWB so my rights were at risk. Not any firearms but just cosmetic features on my guns, but theres always the worry he may have passed more bills.

[Hmmm….you have dispensed accurate information therefore you must be a……LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

How did the AWB reduce deaths if it did not ban firearms? Please explaon, to think it did anythign is wrong. Do you even know what it did? It banned bayonet, folingstock and flash suppressors on new guns. How does that do anything? Its all propaganda, the gun grabbers told you what you are speaking. And nuke is not a firearms nothing the constitution says you can have one. By the way "assault weapon" is a term invented by the brady campagin. What is an assault weapon? I own semi auto rifles. Why cant I own one of them? Give me one good reason. And I dont think you know what you are talking about. You cannot just convert a gun to full auto. You need tools and machinery and many times extra parts. It envolves new parts in the trigger groups and bolt carrier. Being a "green beret" does not mean you know how to do that. Why the hell would a green beret need to know how to comvert a gun to full auto when he is issed full auto guns? Full auto guns are not always better

[STOP! STOP with the rationality you LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!! BTW, for you onlookers, check out the rest of this thread. Mostly a debate on the AWB between DUmmie nadinbrzezinski and a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL.]

Guns Are protected by the Consitution. You can have guns but certain guns shouldn't be in cilivian hands such as military grade weapons. There was a bank robbery in LA that had the criminials holding down cops for over 30 minutes with AK-47s. Not a good thing in the hands of criminials.

[Also not a good thing in the hands of DUmmies.]

I need to get back into shape. I haven't shot a rifle in years. Still do well with an M-1 but I need to retrain on something more modern. Just need a job in this god forsaken bible belt...

[Yeah, being able to afford even one round of ammo would be a good start.]

If these were normal times, I would be in favor of gun control or better yet, no guns. These aren't normal times. Job one is being able to protect yourself.

[What you REALLY mean is you want a gun in order to participate in Bolshevik Revolution. This desire for such revolution is a constant theme in DUmmieland. Lost the election? BWAAAAAAHHHH!!! We’re gonna get us some guns and shoot our way into power!]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-13-05 ("a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want")

Several years ago, when I lived out West in La-La Land, a liberal friend of mine asked me what all the “T” decals on the cars out there meant. He was referring to the elaborately designed “T” that was handed out by a big auto transmission company out there as part of its advertising. At that point I could have told my liberal friend the truth OR lie like hell and tell him that the elaborate “T” was the symbol of a very fundamentalist church whose members had extreme conservative political views. Of course I choose the latter option and for years my liberal friend was living in extreme paranoia thinking he was surrounded by right-wing conservative fundamentalists. He told me how he peered into the cars on the road with the “T” decal, fantasizing how those people inside were working to establish a fundamentalist Kingdom of God on Earth. Since those “T” decals were very common in the L.A. area, his paranoia grew exponentially. This DUmmie THREAD titled, “a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want,” brought that “T” episode back to mind. Of course, this thread was posted by DUmmie mopaul, one of the MORE whacked out of the DUmmies and in the paranoid environs of DUmmieland, that is saying a lot. As usual the DUmmie paranoia is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if the DUmmies have seen too many “T” decals, is in the [brackets]:

a war with the religious right is coming, cause that's what they want

[Actually what we really want is for you DUmmies to use the cap lock key. What’s the deal with you DUmmies and your widespread antipathy to capitalizing? Is this some sort of political statement? Let’s see? Capitalizing…Capitalism. Okay, I think I see some sort of weird logic in this but continue with your paranoid rant, DUmmie mopaul…]

a nation of true believers is what they want, and they don't want you non believers around at all. of course, we can't allow that, but that won't stop the coming major confrontation with the religious, righteous zealots. deny it at your peril.

[The only religious zealots I’ve run into lately were the annoying Jehovah’s Witnesses. Some of you here might remember my recent encounter with them in front of a supermarket where they just would NOT leave me alone so I told them I had to go to the bathroom but they said they would wait for me even though I told them I had extreme constipation and would be ensconced on a toilet seat for the better part of an hour. However, at this point the DUmmie theory fails since JWs have absolutely NOTHING to do with politics. In fact, they don’t even vote.]

it is what they want the question -- do their corporate lords and masters want the same? or does it make any difference to them?

[Yes. Their corporate lords and masters want the same since they know that very religious people are so unworldly that they won’t notice that the EVIL corporations are raising prices on them.]

Anyone have "God's Army" where you live? I don't know what teaching that it comes from but I've seen little kids come into my work with "God's Army" t-shirts on and it totally creeps me out.

[Hey! Aren’t you the guy I fed that “T” bs to?]

I wish I had the best strategy already. I have been thinking that for a long time now. It seems that our Christian community would be the best ace in the hole, but many of them don't seem to believe that. I wish I knew how to talk to them and inspire them to rally without stirring up my old pains and getting into a fight with the wrong bunch of people.

[Removing the purple from your hair along with the nose rings would be a good start.]

Having grown up in a fundamentalist church, I think that the tactics
they use are pretty much the same as those used by most cults. Isolation of people who feel left out of the greater society, identification with a set of rules and beliefs designed to help the person modulate his/her behavior, promotion of that particular set of beliefs as superior and the only way, encouragement to prosyletize others. Fundamentalist Christians also encourage the belief that they are persecuted for their beliefs.

[That sounds like a good description of DUmmieland.]

I've been in an number of these churches in my lifetime and have observed that the membership is largely made up of people given to excess. The excesses (alcohol, sex, drugs, gluttony, etc.)from the outside world are released within the church through the catharsis of excessively emotional religious demonstrations and extascies (sp?).

[How about rock’n’roll? I thought it was supposed to be sex, drugs, & rock’n’roll.]

I think you're right, I've been to the local megachurch…

[Not to be confused with the First United Ultrachurch but contine...]

Its membership is largely all the kids we knew in high school in the 70s who drank and partied. Now they've grown up, they have responsibilities, families and anxieties. The megachurch gives them glossy high-quality production values, and a message that concentrates on personal behavior and personal salvation. Many of the congregants are there to be better people, to live healthy, wholesome lives for their families. Underneath, there's a great deal of paranoia: the full-service Christian bookstore on the premises that stocks all the insane Bible prophecy books that say we're in the end times, and books that explain how the homosexuals and feminists are ruining America and exposing the country to God's wrath.

[Does that bookstore carry Jack Chick comix? It’s not a legit religious bookstore unless it carries my beloved Jack Chick comix. I love my Chick Tracts. I read them religiously.]

There's also a huge amount of partisan politics. The congregation is a resource to be harvested by the Republican Party. They are given very direct messages as to how they are to vote to be good Christians. The pastor will never say who to vote for at the pulpit, of course (to protect their tax-exempt status), but voter guides are distributed to remind everyone which candidates are pro-life and anti-gay marriage. The megachurch I'm talking about has 18,000 members.

[Yeah but how many of those 18,000 “members” are tombstoned? Anyway, at the First United Ultrachurch the voter guides are distributed with the collection buckets.]

We have a whole group next door. We do not see them or do they really get after any one as they are busy shooting off guns all the time. I wonder if this is not like the wife that watchers her husband put his fist and foot through the door and wall for years and the wife is not to fear him? Congress on the Dem side already fear the right. Look who voted right after 911 and what for.

[Everybody knows that loading shotguns is part of the fundamentalist church service. Oh, and let’s not forget about the gun rack on the pulpit. Plus the preachers are always using that Dirty Harry “holding a 44 Magnum in my hand” line as part of their sermons.]

act like a good boy. don't try to reason or modify these folks; it's impossible. burrow in, make some non-internet communication lines w/ solid lefties & prepare to feed the resistance data on numbers, locations, leaders, equipment pools, etc.

[Oooh! Oooh! Can I play the spy game too? I wanna feed useless data to the resistance on my walkie talkie.]

They're amping up as of late...The Schiavo mess laid it all bare - the Christian coalitions are coordinating their efforts and aiming with the accuracy of a laser beam. We have much to fear in the coming three years - they're playing to win.

[“Crackle! Crackle! Hello Megachurch! This is the First United Ultrachurch. Can you pick us up on this walkie talkie frequency? Oh, you can? Good. Anyway, we are contacting you in order to coordinate our efforts against the wacko Lefties with the accuracy of a laser beam. Crackle! Crackle!”]

the religious right is a tool used by capitalist and internationalist to keep the masses in line---herd the masses into religious fervor while those chosen pick the

[I think it was Karl Marx who said that religion is the opiate of the masses. However, Groucho Marx said that opiates are the religion of the asses.]

Exactly what are their numbers? How big of a group are we talking about here? I was raised Christian and have not been a practicing one in many years. I know lots of people like me. I also know lots of people who are not Christian--of any stripe, who embrace other belief systems. Somehow, I think their fervent screaming perhaps hides the fact that their numbers may really be small. They just happen to have gotten people into positions of power and influence now. Does anyone know for sure if my suspicions may have merit? Where does one go to begin to research this?

[That part about their fervent screaming hiding the fact that their numbers are really small sure sounds like a description of DUmmieland. Yeah, Skinner touts 67,000 DUmmies but when you subtract tombstoned members and LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS we are talking about less than 10,000. Perhaps as low as 4000 or 5000.]

Is there a way to demonstrate this with real numbers though? If they are not addressed as a minority extremist group, instead of a perceived majority, then their beliefs are given currency and opportunity to spread. This is exactly how extremist Islamic factions took hold in Iran during the 1970s. Then they started "educating" the young after they exterminated a large segment of the older generation. I fear we are headed down the same road.

[You can determine their numbers by checking the backs of their necks for small green leafy growths ala “Attack of the Body Snatchers.”]

There are alot of people on the membership rolls at the country's churches who only show up on Sunday morning because their local society expects them to, but don't go along with alot of this other religious stuff as soon as their butt clears the door after the service. And here in the south, there's a sizable chunk of younger males in the pews strictly for the reason of being able to play on the church softball teams - it's almost the cult that high school football has obtained in Texas.

[And don’t forget the element about picking up hot Baptist chicks. That’s important too.]

There is no parent in the United States who is more opposed to religion in public schools than me. None. I'll teach my children about religion at home, in church, in a sweat lodge, and in nature. And part of what I will teach them is that the far-right religous republicans are emotionally disturbed people, who do not experience the true goodness of God.

[That must be some sight. Your nekkid body sitting on a towel in a sweat lodge sermonizing about far-right “religous” Republicans. Somehow I think that is ONLY what your sweaty smelly sermons would consist of.]

Would you consider the religious right a terrorist group?

[Why? Do they toss pies and salad dressing at people trying to speak?]

certain factions of it are for sure little conclaves are scattered all over the country, right next door, right under your nose. i know of several in my little sector of the midwest, they own complexes in the woods just like the branch davidiots, heavily armed, amping up the paranoia, and preparing for the day when they get to bring on the rapture and be vindicated. i ain't kiddin'

[And don’t forget about the secret ammo depots hidden in their basements, DUmmie mopaul.]

STOP THE AMERICAN TALIBAN, THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT We need to turn this back on them. I NEED a bumper sticker that says that!

[How about a bumper sticker that says, “SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH OR I’LL KILL YOU!!!”?]

OK...How about "CHRISTIAN COALITION TALIBAN?" I like that too. That separates THEM from US. "REPUBLICAN RELIGIOUS TALIBAN?" "MORAL MAJORITY TALIBAN?"

[Or “DELUSIONAL DUMMIE DRUGGIES.”]

Karl Christian Rove's plan is to divide and conquer within. He and the party WANT us hating one another; neighbor against neighbor, father against son, husband against wife etc.

[DUmmie against inmate…]

I shall go to my burning stake with pride but not quietly. pagans love peace but our passions get in the way of pure pacifism occasionally.

[When you go to your burning stake with pride, would you mind holding a marshmallow for me?]

Islam will crush the Xtians.

[You express DUmmie desire so articulately.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-12-05 ("kerry crap and the election")

It is almost three months AFTER the Inauguration and the DUmmies are still reliving the agony of their November defeat. They STILL can’t get over it as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “kerry crap and the election.” According to DUmmie theology, Kerry ran a better campaign than Bush and actually won the election. So I guess Teh-RAY-suh is now our first lady, right? Perhaps in the DUmmie alternate universe where they have created their own reality. In any event, it is quite hilarious to watch the DUmmies relive and agonize over the 2004 election. Nothing like a bunch of bile oozing out of their pores to make for some high comedy. As usual, the DUmmie fantasies are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching Botox ooze out of Kerry’s pores, is in the brackets:

kerry crap and the election

[True. There was a lot of Kerry crap in the election.]

reading the board today, and then listening to jon stewart tonight talk about how bad a candidate kerry was. he had everything against him. he handle so many things well. he did the debates well. he ran his cmapaign well, in my opinion. he had crowds and they worked them. he had good speeches, and good plans for the country. and the media never showed his speeches or they did and then just tore him up, not ever what he said., plan plan doesnt kerry have a plan, no plan kerry, after he lays it out

[Kerry was about as good a candidate as is your grammar, DUmmie seabeyond. What’s the matter? Can’t afford a whole $5 for a new keyboard with a working cap lock?]

bush ran such a bad campaign. only certain people allowed in his speeches. he tripped up so many times. lousy debates and people raz on kerry now pissed at him for conceding early, i can hear that, though i knew election night it was stolen, and believe it today, i can see why he didnt fight it. i dont like it, but i can understand. but i didnt think he ran a bad campaign. he had the energy. the people working for him. at the end, bush people, their heads hung down. i saw as many kerry signs and stickers as bush in te panhandle of texas. my repugs knew bush was going to lose bush did not run a good campaign.

[Bush didn’t run a good campaign? Then that must not have been him I saw inaugurated on Jan. 20. Oh, and please send me a telegram when you finally learn how to write English.]

Ok and your were leading up to what? I know the bushitler stole this last election without a doubt...he was even here in AZ scamm'n with Calangelo eat'n at the Teepee. He's a weasling f*cking cheater, but guess we did all we could do to expose it to no avail. Short of a revolution, what do you suggest?

[Diebolds with new settings.]

i am not opposed to a revolution, wink. i just was watching jon stewart. he and another guy were saying how bad a candidate kerry was. i just dont think he was a bad candidate. i thought he was a good cadidate, with all he had to go against. my gosh, all the labels and what people wanted from him. i wasnt a fan, but i really grew to like kerry. no point. just stewart saying it on national tv gave me a bit of reality check.

[Wink. So you must support a bolshevik revolution, but not a Bolshevik Revolution my little cap lock deprived DUmmie?]

Looking back now I understand how hard it was for him. No fair coverage on the MSM, the SBV people, John O'Neil and his shit and how the media makes Bush look like a god. I saw that tonight and was kinda sad how Stewart was making Kerry to look like a horrible canidate. He was great I think as were all of them. They all would've had the same shit whether it be Howard Dean or General Clark. Yes, Kerry made a few mistakes and I think things could've been better but we were so attacked by the media and with the electronic voting machines and how OVER NIGHT the republican party were allowed to go into the polling places to challenge people.

[I personally threw out a dozen multi-hued mohawk haired MTVers from my local polling place. One can NEVER be too careful.]

And at least, if they steal the next election from us, let's go Ukrainian on their asses.

[And smash those nasty Republicans in the pocketbook with another “Not One Damn Dime Day.”]

i have been going to past music and trying to pull out the revolutionary music to copy onto tape for my car. (rocket launcher) so this summer i can get kids motivated. i dont need violence, no sir, not my thing. i prefer revolution in music and dance and outside and picnics with family and kids playing. marches. democrats are so cool, we should have the coolest of revolution. and we are way smarter

[Tiptoe through the Tulips on the way to the Winter Palace.]

He attempted to triangulate his positions too much, and cost himself much energy; he didn't realize soon enough that the Swift Boat Liars would gain traction; he needed to weave the strands of his postions into a stronger rope, etc., etc. But on the whole it was a winning campaign.
Unfortunately, to take office, he needed a very large margin (by presidential election standards), say 5-6 percent at least, to overcome the vote thefts all over the country. We'll never know what the real vote was -- I'm thinking about 51% K - 48% B, but that was a small enough gap for the traitorouspigf*ckingslimedogs to close. They've got the mechanisms of the vote firmly fixed in their hands. To win nationally, we're going to have to swamp their ability to steal elections.

[ALL your Diebolds belong to US!]

Bush won, because Rove spent 4 years planning this fix. It will catch up with them...

[…in the Year 2525 if Man is still Alive.]

I still want this man to be president some day. I do wish the American people would get their collective heads out of the asses and stop looking for a guy they can have a beer with but never will.

[Next time around, Kerry will sign his Form 180 to prove that the Swift Boat Vets were liars. He’ll sign it because he PROMISED he would. It will happen any day now…or maybe any year now.]

How in the name of hell was Kerry a bad candidate? His crowds were tremendous, there was a real feeling of elation in the air on election day, bush was told by Karen Hughes that he was losing, you could see all the signs of a Kerry win.

[So are you mad that you didn’t get an invite from Susan Estrich to her Kerry Victory Party?]

It was GOP shill Byron York who dumped on Kerry while Stewart humored him. Then, of course, York blamed Michael Moore and MoveOn, next. Completely inconsistent, they will SAY ANYTHING to get rid of Kerry, Moore and MoveOn, so they blame all three. They know damn well they had to pull every lie they could, control the media and rig the machines to force themselves back into power. Then they say Kerry was just a bad candidate.

[Funny but James Carville who helped run Kerry’s campaign ALSO says he was a bad candidate.]

Kerry was far to "polite". I agree with a lot of the positive points you bring up. But he really didn't run AGAINST Bush nearly hard enough. He couldn't even bring himself to call Bush a LIAR, in spite of all the evidence that Bush lies so habitually every day that Nixon looks kinda honest by comparison! Kerry didn't fight back nearly enough when outrageous lies and slanders were published about his Navy service in Vietnam. Even people in Vietnam said those lies were outrageous.

[Too bad Kerry waited too long to promise to sign Form 180 to prove those were outrageous lies. But now that Kerry has definitely promised to sign Form 180 sometime in the future, he has put that issue to rest…once he takes care of the mere formality of actually signing it.]

I sure hope Kerry doesn't try to run in 2008. We'll need a Franklin Roosevelt to save America by then! Actually, Barbara Boxer would make a great President in such a crisis, but unfortunately I don't think a woman would have much chance of being elected. Well, she'd make a great vice President too!

[Karl Rove has already designated Hillary as the Democrat ’08 nominee. You cannot defeat the will of the Perfect Rovian Storm.]

Of course anything can happen from now until 2008. For all we know at 2006 we could win back the majority and have impeachment hearings for the whole Bush administration and put in Kerry and Edwards. One can dream.

[One can dream of an entirely NEW constitution since our current one provides NO PLACE in presidential succession for either Ketchup Boy or the Breck Girl.]

The "stolen election" crap is sour grapes.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I thought he did fine, but "Rat-F*cker" Rove...is a master of deceit. His cronies are a pack of parasites. No matter how adept Kerry is, the Rove machine is so corrupt, that a man as upstanding as Kerry is could - or would - never stoop to that level. There were times when I almost wished he had, but the truth of the matter is, Kerry is a man of honor, and Roveco. are a bunch of maggots.

[Rove has determined that your next nominee will be Hillary. You don’t like it? Live with it! Nothing can stand in the way of the Rove Machine.]

Kerry's parents raised him well. You can see that today and in the movie "Going UpRiver." His parents must be proud.

[Especially the part where Kerry spent Christmas in Cambodia in his Swift Boat fighting the Khmer Rouge…or was he supplying them?]

they are pigs. no moral. will do anything to f*ck us. perverted. be a rape, the grossest of rapes. they are that filthy

[The Deliverance hillbillies are gazing upon one of your orifices with great hunger oh cap lock deprived one.]

I wish he would go after the SBVT assholes.

[Don’t worry. It will happen as soon as Kerry signs his form 180. It will happen any day now…or any year now…well, sometime in this millenium…maybe.]

I remember reading an article of an interview with Kerry's ex-wife Julia. She was talking about how she and Kerry still talk and how he really wanted to go after the SBVT people but according to her the DLC wouldn't let him go after and the DLC wouldn't let people bash Bush at the convention because it might turn people off.

[Kerry desperately wanted to sign his form 180 but it was the nasty DLC that kept him from doing so. They have puppet strings attached to Kerry that controlled his every move. And, of course, the DLC has strings manipulated by Puppet Master Rove.]

that night of the convention the memo was out and all the repugs covering the democratic convention and the media were balsting they had better not say anything mean, they had better not be tough.

[better not use a keyboard with a working cap lock.]

I agree with you--the only asset Bush had is Rove and Kerry's biggest problem was not responding early enough to the swift boaters which dominated the news in September.

[At least Kerry has finally responded to the Swift Boaters with a DEFINITE promise to sign his form 180 at some point in the future…maybe.]

Kerry wasn't a bad candidate, but his campaign was PATHETIC. Right from the start of it when they f*cked up the balloon drop at the convention and his brother was all bent out of shape cursing the happenings. "Why aren't the f*cking balloons coming down?!?" If that wasn't a sign of things to come, I don't know what was.

[The balloon drop! Of course! It was the botched balloon drop that doomed the Kerry campaign from the get-go.]

So many times they hesitated and ignored the Swift Boat F*cks until it was too late and the damage was already done. Not saying anything was almost like admitting the liars were right.

[Yeah. All it would have taken was Kerry’s signature on his form 180 to prove that he DID spend Christmas in Cambodia as was seared, SEARED into his memory.]

So many times they had him do STUPID publicity stunts in the late stages of the campaign like dressing up in camouflage to go out goose hunting of all things! Oh, sure, all the gun people are going to fall for that one, like it's not too obvious or anything.

[I was sort of partial to the Bunny Wabbit Sperm Cell Space Suit myself.]

Too many times they advised him to stress the word KILL in his speeches. How many times did we have to hear him say, "I'm going to seek out the terrorists wherever they are and KILL them!!"

[“I’m going to seek out my campaign and KILL it by wearing a Bunny Wabbit Sperm Cell Space Suit."]

Too many times his advisors had him deliver the type of message that came off as being self-serving and insincere. Who was the IDIOT that advised him to make his famous Mary Cheney is a Lesbian remark at the end of his debate??

[Janet Reno?]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-12-05 ("Republicans....Like a weird ant farm")

Yeah. Yeah. I know. As soon as you looked at the title of this DUmmie THREAD, “Republicans....Like a weird ant farm,” your immediate thought was that the DUmmies ripped off MY concept of them as my personal ant farm. After all, I have frequently mentioned that point for MONTHS now. Therefore I give the DUmmies a grade of U for Unoriginality. However, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I thank the DUmmies in MY ant farm for the unintended compliment. Actually as far as ripoffs, my big fear is that some conservative will rip off my whole DUmmie FUnnies idea. And don’t think that just because a person is a conservative that they can’t be a scumbag. Unfortunately there are a lot of loathsome conservatives around more than willing to screw someone. A good example is Robert Novak whose conservativism is unfortunately matched by a loathsome personality. Another such loathsome personality is his former colleague on CNN’s Crossfire, the bowtied Osborne Chatsworth, Jr. aka Shmucker Carlson. I have no doubt the smarmy-voiced Carlson, after flopping at his upcoming MSNBC show, would have NO compunctions about STEALING my whole DUmmie FUnnies concept. Since he has a “name,” he would have access to Mary Matalin. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he pitched her on a DUmmie Crummies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) where he takes the rantings of the DUmmies and makes comments on them ala MST3K. Mary would then gush about what a “BRILLIANT” idea that is and immediately sign Carlson to a book contract with a humongous advance. Hey Mary! Check your e-mail! The ORIGINAL DUmmie FUnnies pitch is in there. I don’t have a “name” (yet) but that whole DUFU idea is MINE MINE MINE!!! Well, sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent but my BIG FEAR is getting ripped off on my DUmmie FUnnies idea by an unscrupulous conservative such as Chatsworth Osborne, Jr.. Okay, now that I got my personal rant off my chest, let us now look at the copycat DUmmie rants in Bolshevik Red with the commentary of your humble correspondent, ever on guard against the plagiarists, in the [brackets]:

Republicans....Like a weird ant farm.

[So sayeth one of my copycat DUmmie ants. Gee. How long has the concept about the DUmmie ants been discussed here in the DUFUs? Three months? No, more like four or five months. What’s next? Will they talk about the Republican ant farm circular mill? Continue on my very UNORIGINAL DUmmie ant...]

I got to thinking today...about the similarity between one of those plastic ant farms and most any Republican-led activity. I know Bush frequently mentions the "hard work" part, but what gets my attention is their constant movement and the way they all seem to pile up at the same location. It wouldn`t bug me if I could chock it up to some natural instinct, but that`s not the case. It`s as though a mad scientist has intervened in the regular order of things and fitted Republicans with a homing device hell-bent on finding the nearest handy photo op.

[At least the Republican ants are worker ants with some purposes and goals, DUmmie democrank. Very unlike you DUmmie ants who move in a circular mill to no useful purpose whatever. Even when the DUmmie ants come up with an interesting idea, it is a ripoff such as your whole idea about Republican ants.]

Republicans just form a line when Karl pushes the "Get Active" button and dutifully carry salt for Democratic wounds or sugar to sweeten up their party`s latest policy disaster. Sometimes they carry tons of sand to cover up things that shouldn`t be exposed to daylight: outing of the CIA agent, Tom DeLay, torture scandals, self-regulating polluters, no WMDs, Bush`s military records. They`re all carrying something. Just when I think Republican "X" can`t possibly go along with policy "Y"...the line forms again and everyone`s present and accounted for. It`s like staring at an opened box of toothpicks. All lined up, all looking the same.

[I’m pushing the “get active” button on my personal DUmmie Ant Farm and ordering them to entertain us by doing blatant acts of plagiarism. Now listen up, DUmmie Ants! Do a REVERSE circular mill with a Bolshevik backstep. All together now!]

It`s the motley crew in us Democrats that makes me realize that winning at all cost isn`t the most important thing.

[DUmmie Ants much prefer to LOSE at all costs. Oh, and don’t forget to nominate Hillary in ’08. We don’t want to lose that losing streak.]

But winning is the only safety. Right now we're not winning. Worse, I feel we're about to lose.

[All your Diebold machines belong to US! It makes it fun to watch the frenzied activity of my DUmmie Ants after they lose their elections.]

Are you kidding? Things are going great! The GOP is being exposed big time. I feel better than I have for a long time.

[As good as you felt on the afternoon of Election Day when the exit polls showed Kerry winning big?]

excellent analogy motley crew with integrity

[Yeah, you motley crew of DUmmie ants have so much integrity that it doesn’t bother you a bit to steal the Ant Farm concept. But don’t worry. I won’t destroy my DUmmie Ant Farm in retaliation. It is just too much FUN to watch you. However, woe unto any conservative who tries to steal the DUmmie FUnnies concept, especially if that conservative happens to wear a bow tie and has a smarmy smile.]

great point, excellent metaphor. thank you.

[You're welcome. Since I was the TRUE creator of the Ant Farm metaphor you must be thanking ME, not DUmmie copycat, democrank.]

the republican herders and their corporate masters are doing pretty well with the drones right now because of two issues: jesus and penis. the jesus issue is pretty self explanatory. waiting for the "sky taxi" - nuff said. the penis issue is the interesting part: the need to consume, the need to own the biggest SUV in the neighborhood, more, more, more, me, me, me, and more me. "we're america, let's do whatever we want" so, how do we shake up the ant farm? that is the question.

[I usually don’t have to shake up my DUmmie Ant Farm to get loads of entertainment. The DUmmie Ants provide me that in their natural state such as your absurd post. Now go and consume your penis.]

We need either a magnifying glass (and direct sunlight) or some uncooked dry grits. Either one would be fantasitic at this point. If we roast them alive, it'll be fun to watch them skirmish through the laser ridden maze. If we feed them the uncooked grits and just sit back, we can wait until they hit the trough again and explode. Either option would please me greatly. And I would think someone was cruel if they used the magnifying glass on real ants. Repugs though, they are a different animal altogether. Think of them as the warrior ants from the planet F*ckus. If we don't find a way to exterminate them soon, they'll continue to fuck us until we can never recover.

[Thus spaketh an entertaining DUmmie Ant from the planet Dufus.]

That anlalogy is brilliant. I'm a both laughing hysterically and agreeing emphatically with you.

[Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! As the ORIGINATOR of the Ant Farm “anlalogy,” I thank you for your compliment.]

There are some things Dems & others can do, know what to focus on, don't splinter over HOW to get things done, focus on your goals. Start thinking on a larger scale. Paved roads, food security, clean water, clean air, good paying jobs; the real challenge is getting people together who feel better off fighting only for their own interests. We need a leader who can connect diverse groups of people & make them both feel & be stronger. We also need milestones along the way, so people don't feel they've accomplished nothing & get burned out. Working on a dual scale, aiming for the long term goals while gaining other victories along the way.

[Yes! Yes! My DUmmie Ants! Continue moving ever FASTER in the circular mill! Keep this thread kicked! Hurry! Find the election fraud in Ohio! Send money to BBV Bev! Diebold! I BELIEVE! Check court records! Hurry! HURRY! Only 75 days since Inauguration Day! FASTER!]

so many cover-ups in the corners of the ant farm. Where's that geeky kid who's gonna poke the tunnels with a stick and make em start ALL over.....

[Right here. Only instead of poking the tunnels with a stick, I have gazed upon you DUmmie Ants with a magnifying glass which caught the sun’s ray causing you DUmmies to duck for cover.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-11-05 ("Why shouldn't we give Andrea Dworkin the same respect we gave the Pope?")

I once had a friend named Fred who did some professional wrestling for a brief time. It was an amazing experience to visit Fred’s apartment because it was always filled with incredibly UGLY women who were like Fred’s sex slaves. They catered to his every whim. On top of that they gave him money and whatever else he asked. Finally I asked Fred about this and he told me that he discovered that it was really easy to get really ugly women to do whatever he wanted. It was simple. Fred was actually a fairly good-looking guy so he figured that he would pick up only really ugly women who rarely, if ever, had guys pay attention to them. Somehow Fred convinced the women that it was better for them to share him and at least get a piece of the action than have nobody at all. It got to the point where Fred actually preferred ugly women since he was able to manipulate them in his own private harem to the point where he didn’t need to wrestle for money. However, there was a tradeoff. The women in his Harem of the Uglies had to be hideous enough that they tolerated Fred’s manipulation. I once even offered to set Fred up on a date with a good looking woman but he flat out rejected that idea since he knew he couldn’t manipulate a woman like that. I often wondered just how ugly a woman had to be for even Fred to reject her. Years later I believe I found just such a woman---Anrea Dworkin. I had heard about her wacky writings but when I first saw her on TV I couldn’t believe it. She looked like Jabba the Hut in drag, dressed in bib overalls. Yes, finally a woman that even Fred would reject. And yet somehow the DUmmies are wondering why the recently deceased Andrea Dworkin is not being accorded the same honors as the Pope as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Why shouldn't we give Andrea Dworkin the same respect we gave the Pope?” Um, maybe it was because Ms Dworkin’s ugliness was exceeded only by her extreme anger? As usual the DUmmie mournings for the leftwing feminist are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, retiring his 10 foot pole for warding off Andrea Dworkin, is in the [brackets]:

Why shouldn't we give Andrea Dworkin the same respect we gave the Pope?

[Um…Maybe it might have to do to the fact that Andrea Dworkin spent her whole life seeking angry revenge on a world that allowed her to be born so ugly?]

I'm not a fan of Andrea Dworkin, nor was I a fan of Pope John Paul II. But it seems to me that both individuals were famous, controversial, somewhat anti-sex, and very polarzing. So why shouldn't we exhibit the same basic respect for Andre Dworkin that we did for Pope John Paul II? By that I mean shouldn't we restrain ourselves from posting jokes about her death and from making insensitive comments about her supporters? Good heavens, Andre Dworkin's corpse is still warm. Shouldn't we wait to dance on her grave until she is actually in it?

[She is in her grave now that they found a casket big enough to fit so dance and joke all you want.]

Nothing is sacred.

[In the case of the cosmetically challenged Andrea Dworkin, that would be true.]

Certainly, but it seems we have a double standard here. DUers were required to at least be respectful of the feelings of followers of JPII. Why should he rate above Andrea Dworkin?

[If you even have to ask that question, it shows just how far out you DUmmies are. But just to make you feel better, I support sending Hillary and Janet Reno to attend the Dworkin funeral.]

Why should anybody "rate" above anyone else? Strip away radical feminism's myopic fixation on male power and what you have is a wish for the banishment for all heirarchical structures, which I think is the noblest goal of all.

[Trust me. Even DUmmie Faye rates above Andrea Dworkin.]

After all, I'm sure somebody somewhere worshiped and admired her.

[I believe such people are called “blind.”]

...I think one of the mods even posted something to the effect that those with negative views of the Pope should keep quiet in part because it would make DU look bad to slag off a recently deceased Pontiff.

[The DUmmie Mods know you DUmmies better than you think. Without enforced censorship with deleted replies and threads, you DUmmies would have posted an orgy of Pope hating rants for all the world to see.]

Who is Andrea Dworkin? I seriously have never heard that name before.

[Just pray that you NEVER see her picture.]

Andrea Dworkin had a huge impact on the debate over pornography. Both in this country and in Canada. She was quite well-published and quite controversial.

[And quite UGLY.]

She gained minor notoriety in the 1980s for her anti-sex screeds. But you probably wouldn't have heard much about it if you lived far from the coasts.

[Those lucky people in flyover country.]

I think it's a disservice to write off Dworkin's writing as anti-sex screeds. Her take on sexual politics in general, and pornography in specific, did talk about inter-gender relations from an adversarial point of view.

[How the hell would Andrea Dworkin know anything about inter-gender relations? I bet she never had a date in her life.]

I'm a Dorothy Parker kind of woman myself.

[Good. Now thank God you aren’t an Andrea Dworkin kind of woman.]

I accept Dworkin as part of the history of the women's struggle. Maybe because she was seen as "fringe" by many...to include others within the women's movement...a push was made to keep her outside the "mainstream" of the women's movement ( regards to thinking and literature)?...turning her into an obscure reference that only us "die-hard feminists" would know about. Also, getting into bed, politically, with right wing fundies is enough to discredit anyone...talk about sleeping with the enemy...

[Trust me. Neither “right wind fundies” nor anyone else ever had the slightest desire of getting into bed with Andrea Dworkin.]

As for Dworkin, I agree that now is not the time to discuss what I don't like about her. I hope her passing was painless, and I hope she finds peace now.

[One thing we know for sure---she still won’t find a boyfriend now.]

I fully embrace the "women's movement"....flaws and all. Doesn't mean I agree with everything ever said in the course of the struggle....just means I accept it's history without the revisions and commentary. Dworkin is a part of the history that icludes those other names.

[Go ahead and embrace Andrea Dworkin…and lose your lunch.]

I considered her intelligent and capable of inspiration -- but also a MAJOR retro mind on subjects like pornography.

[The only pornography that I am adamantly opposed to is any pinup of Andrea Dworkin. UGHH! Now I need to have my mind washed in hydrochloric acid for even entertaining that thought.]

Little to compare the two. There are vast differences between these two people. The Pope is the titular head of one of the world's largest religions. Dworkin is not even head of the American feminist movement, which is not religious but political. He has a vast following, she has a tiny following, if any at all.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity. Unfortunately for this DUmmie, the Kewpie doll will be in the image of Andrea Dworkin.]

Some people on DU seem to see her as the enemy. They have reduced her message to: sex is bad and porn is bad. Those are of course obviously the most important rights for them. They don't understand that her arguements and reasoning behind them. She made arguements that others had not dared to make. These arguements contributed to feminist thinking and enabled us to be able to see a more balanced view.

[Okay. Whatever you say as long as I don’t have to view Andrea Dworkin.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-08-05 ("I'm old - I should know better - but I like the pie-throwing stuff")

Someday, in the very near future (if I can get Mary Matalin to contact me), when the DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories) is a HUGE bestseller, DUmmie Skinner is going to bitch and moan about how I took the whole infantile DUmmieland food tossing rage out of context. He will claim that I concentrated on it unfairly to make the DUmmies look like a bunch of pathetic crybabies. And my answer will be that I focused on the Food Tossing Rage threads because there were SO MANY of them. Believe me. This whole obsession about angrily tossing things in rage at conservatives is NOT isolated. Even as this edition of the DUFUs is being posted there are MANY other similar such threads. Yes, I will feature them simply because it PERFECTLY illustrated the depths to which the DUmmies have fallen. This particular DUmmie THREAD is titled, “I'm old - I should know better - but I like the pie-throwing stuff.” As usual the screechings of DUmmies angrily tossing food around like crybabies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching their mashed potatoes brains at work, is in the [brackets]:

I'm old - I should know better - but I like the pie-throwing stuff.

[Yes. You are old but since you are a DUmmie your mental midgetry is understandable, DUmmie DancingBear.]

I'm sorry, but every time I read of somebody determined to end freedom as we know it getting hit by a pie I get a BIG smile….

[…And a yellow waterfall down your pants.]

Maybe I have fond memories of the guerrilla tactics of my youth, but I really don't care what any "mainstream" or right wing radio nut job thinks. I just think it's some kind of weird poetic karma that these guys can't even spew their garbage without fear of getting slopped on/over.

[It will be a weird poetic karma when you spend the rest of your days in jail for causing harm, which will inevitably happen, when smashing a pie into someone’s face. Come to think of it, you will also be getting a lot of jail karma shoved up a body cavity.]

I mean, c'mon - don't you just wish Hannity was at one end of the table, and YOU were at the other? With a seltzer bottle?

[I wish you were on one end of the defense table with me in front of you as the judge. If that were the case, you would be serving a lot of jail shower room time.]

I would prefer a fire hose.

[No problem. We can arranged to have it shoved up one of your body cavities.]

oh yeah, I hear ya and a nice fresh cowpie topped with meringue for Coulter.

[So spoke DUmmie riverwalker with a voice muffled by too much cowpie in the mouth.]

I love it. I hope it continues. But I would bring tabasco sauce in a giant squirt bottle. I want it to burn.

[And cause permanent eye damage, DUmmie prattleon. YEAH!]

I can't help it , the pie in the face thing might do some good these days…

[…Since you have absolutely NOTHING else going for you.]

Fruits and vegetables would round the diet out a bit!

[DUmmieland already has an ample supply of fruits and nuts.]

It Clears The Conscious But Loses Elections. From a purely practical standpoint, it sucks. From a purely emotional standpoint, it is awesome. The best of both scenarios would be to throw the pies and not have it broadcast across the nation.

[Don’t worry. You will CONTINUE to lose elections and eat crow.]

it will have zero effect on elections anyone who would vote on the basis of whether horowitz gets pied or not isn't voting for us anyway

[Keep doing the pie routine and turn more blue states red.]

I agree, but ....it is not a single pie in the face ... or 2 ... or 3 ... but it is a general impression that we are the ones who are standing against free speech.

[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for a very brief moment of mental clarity!]

what do you mean "we?" do those pies have little lables that say "courtesy of the Democratic Party?" what a bunch of students having a laugh at the expense of RW assholes do has nothing to do with Democrats running for office.

[Oh yes it does. I could explain why but why but I won’t give the campaign secrets away.]

As you should (get charged with assult) for few reasons: First you have to draw the line somewhere; the consequences of allowing assault, no matter minor, on politicians is that someone will want to bring it one step further. Secondly this is a distraction to the political process and if it done on a large scale it becomes nuisance. Finally it IS assault. I would charge anyone who did this type of thing too me with assault, I don’t see why it should be any different with politicians.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Those monsters justify and support the murder of Thousands. Hanging by the neck is proper and just. But you think a pie in the face is unjustified and pose as an outraged moralist?

[We got your number, DUmmie ConsAreLiars. I repeat: DUmmie ConsAreLiars.]

What happens if one of these pie-throwers gets shot and killed? I mean it is a horror for the people around the famous people/neocon politicians. The people whose job it is to protect them. And it just makes it all the harder for them to serve & protect because what if you mistake a suicide bomber for a pie thrower?

[BINGO!]

Your concern for legalities is absurd.

[Screw the law!]

I would prefer rotten vegetables, myself.

[Then hurl yourself, DUmmie Jawja.]

For those of you who don't realize this is very similar to mob justice and last man standing (rule of gun).

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-07-05 (“Activist hit by pie at Butler lecture (David Horowitz))

In yet ANOTHER sign of DUmmie infantilism, the DUmmies are glorying over the fact that they are so bereft of ideas that they must resort to lashing out at conservatives by throwing stuff at them. This time they are drooling all over themselves over a pie being tossed at David Horowitz as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Activist hit by pie at Butler lecture (David Horowitz).” This angry tossing of stuff seems to be a trend among DUmmies as we saw last week in a DUmmie FUnnies thread titled, "The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion..". Little Baby DUmmies can’t think on their feet so they resort to angrily throwing things. WAAAAAH!!! They will really be crying when they toss something at the wrong conservative and find themselves smacked with a knuckle sandwich. Then we will hear the DUmmies sniveling in outrage that they were attempting freedom of expression and how DARE conservatives react to their assault. So let us now watch the DUmmies engage in pathetic acts of extreme infantilism. As usual the rantings of the DUmmies, tossing all reason out the window, is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching the DUmmies sinking even lower into the sewer of their own making, is in the [brackets]:

Activist hit by pie at Butler lecture (David Horowitz)

http://www.indystar.com/articles/8/235034-8678-102.html

A conservative activist who criticizes what he calls the leftist domination of college campuses was struck with a pie Wednesday night at Butler University.

David Horowitz, president of the Center for the Study of Popular Culture, had just started a lecture at Butler when he was hit. Horowitz's supporters followed the assailants out of the hall, and confronted them with what a witness called "pushing and shoving." However, the attackers got away. "There's a wave of violence on college campuses, committed by what I'd call fascists opposing conservatives," Horowitz said. "It's one step from that to injury."

[Committed by fascists called “DUmmies.”]


I've seen him on Dennis Miller's show a few times...and it's not just his political views. Horowitz is one smug S.O.B...he does the condescending smirk as well as Bush. He's just an arrogant, smug prick. The debate can go on about whether he deserved the pie, and at the end of the debate, he'll still be an arrogant, smug prick.

[Translation: “We are unable to win a debate with Horowitz so we threw something at him like an angry crybaby.”]

The pie brigade is nailing everyone. The only one they havn't hit is the Chimpster. We can only hope.

[We can only hope that the Secret Service is monitoring this edition of the DUmmie Funnies, DUmmie d_b. I repeat: DUmmie d_b.]

Oh hes calling it a wave of violence when he gets hit with a pie? what a wuss.

[So you won’t be calling it a wave of violence when you get covered in molasses the next time you toss stuff at a conservative?]

Ah. The cream pie and salad dressing revolution is going well.

[Yes. We can detect mass urinations of happiness in your pants over that prospect.]

F-ck him! I've never before chimed in on a thread simply to say "f*ck him", but horowitz deserves it. I hope he gets...I dunno...a yeast infection or something...

[We already know you have a yeast infection in your tiny brain.]

4 incidents: 3 pies, 1 salad dressing.

[2000 DUmb DUmmies.]

I love it, much of it's power lies in the fact that when the pompous asses that become "victims" of this particular art of ridicule start whining and blaming, they just lose more face ...

[Not as much as the DUmmies who, unable to argue at all with reason, throw pies in infantile frustration.]

We need to take this up a notch. Human feces pies! Really runny smelly shit with corn and everything! Nothing would make me happier than to see Coulter get slammed in the face with the same shit she spews out. Oh man, that would be so great!
or the classic Act Up! stunt, throwing blood on people. Rumsfeld would be most worthy of that.

[This terroristic idea is brought to you care of DUmmie Neo. For law enforcement authorities out there I repeat: DUmmie Neo.]

This is very effective symbolic act of resistance, effective because symbols is what we are ruled by. There's no shread of evidence of this "escalating into no good", but stupid remarks on this thread about shit pies. That would not be effective, when a pompouss ass gets pie in the face, he looses face, but in the other case it's the feces flinging monkey that looses face.

[Actually they BOTH lose face. Plus they can both lose a BUNDLE of $$$ whenever, which is inevitable, injury is caused.]

we must do more.. throw tomatoes and eggs...

[…And scream angrily at the world for things not working out the way we demand.]

If you think we should just continue to play by the rules of civility, your nuts.

[Uh…speaking of nuts…]

See?! That's the difference between people like us and people like them. We use pies and salad dressing,they use Anthrax.

[Which conservative tossed anthrax? I’m waiting for your reply….still waiting…and waiting…and…]

How does anybody know it this was not a staged event????

[It wasn’t staged because conservatives have already WON the war of ideas. No need to engage in DUmmie infantilism of which you heartily approve.]

My first thought. The events do not track. No one arrested them? Pushing and Shoving? They got away? Sounds staged to me.

[A PNAC plot?]

Don't throw stuff at people. That's assault. If you want though, I suggest forcing yourself to vomit inside an enclosed space where a conservative is speaking. Don't vomit on anyone.
So much the better if several people spaced around the room all did it at the same time. There would be a chain-reaction of "collateral vomiting" throughout the room. Nobody gets hurt. Nobody gets assaulted. And you get to demonstrate your disgust in a very visceral way.

[Visceral AND infantile. I don’t know about vomit but you DUmmies are certainly good at spewing all that bile building up in you.]

That's such a Saul Alinsky-esque idea !

[Did his acolyte, Hillary, ever vomit on herself?]

Food Fight Revolution is taking hold! I don't care if it is juvenile, silly, 'makes us look bad', or all the other criticisms, I LOVE THIS STUFF!!

[You won’t love it when you lose the next couple of elections in a row due to your infantilism.]

this is the beginning of the American Revolution - Part II. Insurgents are dissenting from the whole right wing crapola and that is how revolutions begin when a few good rebels and insurgents begin to make their voices heard--as they are currently being lifted on america's college campuses, thankful as we all are, i am sure that no bullets etc have been used to express rebellion or dissent but only pies and salad dressings and one lone egg on a black, motorized, militarized moving fortress. VIVA LA REVOLUCIóN!

[The DUmmies are Revolting. You bet. They STINK on ice.]

Whatever happened to streaking? These repugs don't deserve the press these incidents provide. Also, it isn't a good idea to physically assualt anyone over politics. Sooooo, why don't those of you involved in campus politics start streaking again? Waving your collective private parts at these thugs sends the same message without the assault charges.

[Give us a heads up on that so we can play Peggy Lee’s “Is that all there is?” while laughing.]

or we could stage a mass fart fest.

[Or…or…or group doo-doo juggling!]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-06-05 ("Perhaps I really am a hypocrite")

Few things are as FUnnie as seeing a DUmmie in Full Fury. Their anger and frustration knows no bounds as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Perhaps I really am a hypocrite.” I am tempted to refer this DUmmie to Dr. Buddy Rydell for some Anger Management therapy but I fear he/she/it would actually enjoy the fact that Dr. Rydell prefers to sleep in the nude. However, if there were ever a candidate for a heavy dose of fortified Prozac, DUmmie TheWatcher is it. So let us now lead off with the enraged diatribe by DUmmie TheWatcher. As usual the furious DUmmie bile spewings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with tranquilizer dart at the ready, is in the [brackets]:

Perhaps I really am a hypocrite.

[Congratulations! You have a lot of hypocritical company in DUmmieland.]

I almost came to an altercation today with a mouth-breathing Republican today. At the Post Office no less. Parking lot actuallyApparently he had a problem with my multi-colored hair, the Anti-Bush Sticker on my car, and he probably had a sexually embarrassing moment when he realized I wasn't what he thought he was.

[Interesting statement, DUmmie TheWatcher. Let’s analyze it. If the “mouth-breathing Republican” realized that you weren’t what he though he was, what does that mean? Hmmm…. Well, since he thought he was a man that must mean that he thought you were also a man but became embarrassed when he found out different. That must mean you are one of those infamous otherly gendered folks. But continue with your rant, DUmmie TheWatcher…]

But I digress. The whole sordid details really are not that important. He accosted me verbally, and got into my personal space about it, tried to get physical, and I stood my ground. My rather large friend who I was giving a ride to work promptly intervened and made sure the situation did not get out of hand. That's about all the sordid details I feel like discussing.

[Not meaning to cast aspersions upon your veracity, Dummie TheWatcher, but why would a NORMAL person want to get into the personal space of a walking, multi-hued hair, freak show like you?]

As we "chatted" outside of his Huge SUV with the Bush/Cheney Stickers plastered all over it, something occurred to me. So often I have heard from other liberals and progressives that we must learn to "be better than they are." That we should not be confrontational, that we should not instigate trouble, that we should be above the fray, be like Gandhi instead of Genghis Kahn, that we should try to peacefully co-exist with those who oppose us, because to not do so makes us no better than them.

[Hmmm….Things are becoming clearer. Since a normal person wants nothing to do with a freakazoid like Dummie TheWatcher, what PROBABLY happened is this DUmmie saw the pro-Bush bumper stickers on the EVIL Republican’s SUV and got into HIS face.]

And I have always tried to express to others the same thing. To everyone, young and old. But things have gotten to the point in our country that I realize that maybe I am no better then them in this regard.

[Actually DUmmie TheWatcher, you are NO better than them in ANY regard.]

I hate these people. I really do.

[Don’t hold back. Tell us how you REALLY feel.]

I hate everything they stand for. They are destroying my country, they are a danger to my well-being, and they are getting to the point they will not leave well enough alone. They won't mind their own business and the feel emboldened and powerful because they feel they have been given some sort of Social and Cultural "Mandate" to impose themselves on all of us.

[Trust me. The LAST thing I want to do is impose myself on a freakazoid like you, DUmmie TheWatcher.]

You know what? I'm not so sure I'm willing to co-exist peacefully with them either. I have about reached the point where enough is enough. I am beginning to question THEIR right to exist, and whether the country and this planet would be better off without THEM.

[DAMN THEM for being normal and well-adjusted! DAMN THEM TO HELL!!!]

And yet this is how they think and feel toward us. This is what we are told to avoid in our thoughts and reasoning.

[Please forgive me for thinking of you as a freak, you freak.]

But my perspective is starting to get a bit hazy.

[Don’t worry, it’s just La Cocaina kicking in.]

Maybe I AM a hypocrite.

[Trust me. Being a hypocrite is the LEAST of your MANY problems, DUmmie TheWatcher.]

This happened only 45 minutes ago, so the rage is still fresh, but I must say that I am at my breaking point with people like this.

[Then you must be at the breaking point 24/7.]

To these people my message is simple.

Stay OUT of my personal space.

MIND Your F*cking BUSINESS.

SHUT Your F*cking MOUTH.

GO ON about your DAY.

[Apparently the Bluebird of Happiness has yet to land on your shoulder.]

I know there are a lot of Freepers who read this board, and I know how they feel about us. To them I have a message as well.

[We’re all ears!]

DITTO you worthless, mass-murder enabling pieces of filth. MEGA DITTO.

[Ayyyyy! You got me! Oh how that hurts! Perhaps the pain can be alleviated by some laughter brought on by your fellow DUmmies.]

I'm with you 100%. I don't turn the other cheek for these monsters. They'll bite a big chunk out of the other one to. You don't have to fight fire with fire, but standing there and reasoning with a fire isn't going to do much good either. Hitting it with a forceful stream of water until it's beaten into submission is about the only way to get the job done.

[Psst! That forceful stream of water appears to be running down your leg, DUmmie readmoreoften.]

I know how you feel. I'm Christian myself and I dislike feeling this way about fellow humans and people who claim to be of the same faith as me but then turn around and behave the way they do. Jesus was about humbility, respect, peace, love, helping the meek, lonely, downtrownded. These people who claim to care about the country and about Christ really don't unless it's only for them. I no longer watch much tv myself. I get all my news from here and only have a few shows I enjoy watching.

[I hate to be the one to inform you, DUmmie FreedomAngel82, but being a member of the First Church of the Universal Whatever doesn’t count as Christian.]

Rage and Hate and Fear are the great tools of political endeavor....

[Rage and Hate and Fear, Oh My! Rage and Hate and Fear, Oh My!]

What kills me is my friend who believes in many republican ideals and disagrees with bush but still blindly supports him. I don't get it...

[Perhaps he is a mind-numbed robot programmed by Rush Limbaugh. Did you check the back of his neck for a small leafy growth?]

I have never heard so many accounts of "Bumper Sticker Rage" in my entire life until these past couple of years. People are litteraly getting into physical and verbal altercations to the point of assault and battery over BUMPER STICKERS.

[You mean like that DUmmie on the West Coast of Florida who ran a female Republican off the road?]

My little bro' got ran off the highway and a gun pointed at him for his moveon.org sticker. i still hesitate to go back to Indiana to visit him.

[Welcome to Fairy Tale Theater.]

I like to say over and over:

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

If you support Bush, why aren't you in Iraq?

[Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.

Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.

Because he’s a 75 year old Korean War veteran.]

How in the world are we supposed to go about our daily lives like this?

[By accepting the primacy of Karl Rove.]

I have also been run off the road and yelled at for my stickers - that was the most extreme instance. But I have also been yelled at at red lights and then cut off by the driver and my vehicle has been vandalized on more than one occasion.

[And did Space Aliens give you The Finger?]

He tried to call the police but he has tremors and was especially shaky at that point so he just gave up once they left. The only thing he remembered was that it was a van with people about his age early 20's and that this van had a semper fi sticker on it.

[Funny how all these DUmmies seem to have MULTIPLE road rage run-ins with Rednecks but never seem to report the incidents to the police.]

I'm just waiting for so many surpressed people to one day just pop. Those on the right are just really asking for it. They just can't shut up and let us have our lives even after they control everything in the government. They aren't going to be happy until we are in a civil war or we all just give up to them. But I don't think that'd happen personally.

[Guess what? You’ve ALREADY popped!]

Man, why doesn't someone try that crap on me?

[Not to worry. Just let me know what parking lot you will be appearing at and when and I’ll arrange to have you properly tased and pepper sprayed.]

the ugliness of the American spirit is becoming revealed: the maggots of publicly widespread fascism begin writhing about

[Excuse me while I mourn the demise of Bolshevism.]

The powers that be are overjoyed that so many of us think we should be Gandhi-like. The neocons, Freepers, and other right-wing rabble know they can stomp all over us, because what are us "gun-hating freaks" gonna do about it? I am not non-confrontational, or non-violent, nor a gun hater. The right should be aware that there are quite a few lefties like me around. There should be a structure to us, the diplomats and the soldiers. I fall into the latter category.

[Thus spaketh Comandante Dave Reynolds, the rough tough soldier of Dummieland.]

It takes more than words to get me raging. Not yet once has any instance turned physical. That is because I truly believe more often than not these sheeple and freepers are in shock when confronted by an ANGRY LIBERAL who scares THEM.

[Actually that shock comes from seeing DUmmie masshole wearing a camo-colored tutu.]

I've had it with these fundie, holier-than-thou, knuckle draggers. I'm surrounded by them where I live, and I refuse to be quiet and take the high road any longer.

[Welcome to the sewage ditch.]

I thought about this last night... It is like having Neanderthals run our government and we human beings are just standing by. Well, no longer. I will not sit and do nothing as they are literally destroying our country and our earth.

[Call the Anger Management Hotline: 1-800-BUSH-WON.]

could it be that freepers are frustrated? I mean, * and all his cultists are screwing up big time. Are the freeps starting to get out of hand 'cause they see this, are frustrated, mad as hell and see the train wreck coming?

[You got it. We ARE frustrated. It all began on Election Day when we prematurely gloated over the fact that the exit polls showed a Bush victory. Then imagine our surprise and RAGE when Kerry won. But don’t worry. I BEEEELIEEEEVE that Bush will be inaugurated on January 20.]

Envy is at the base of all their hatred of us actually, they want what we have and can't have it, and they hate us because we CAN have it.

[DAMN IT! I want a multi-hued Mohawk haircut just like you. Oh how I hate you for having what I can’t have!]

Admittedly things are a lot harder for me because of who and what I am. I'm not apologetic for it and I will NEVER be. It is my identity, it is who I am, and I function just as normally and intellectualy as anyone.

[Transsexual? Transvestite? Lesbian? Gay? Cross dresser? Otherly gendered. Hey, don’t keep us in suspense!]

So I feel your pain, and believe me, when they get up in my shit the way you described I really do want to open up the Costco-sized can of whoop-ass all over their f*cking parade. They like to brag about their bravado, and their guns, and their other phony, macho, self-righteous bullshit, and while we, the "pacifist party", (ahem) usually turn the other cheek, and are the better humans. Eventually, though, like the kid that's been picked on by the school bully one too many times, we WILL snap, and so help me Christ, it won't be pretty at all.

[Lithium treatment or electro-shock therapy today? You choice.]

Oh Yeah babeeee! Hate 'em and all they stand for! My MOTTO!

[Your invitation to the Hate Week festivities is in the mail.]

Cold Civil War..and it's going to go hot if some things don't change soon.

[Like last November’s election results?]

I rake the Bush administration over the coals everywhere I go. Doing it in line at the grocery store tends to get a lot of attention. Whenever a knuckle-dragger opens his hole, I demand to know why he isn't in Iraq and offer a ride to the nearest military recruiter. Shuts them up EVERY time... cowards!

[In case of emergency, you can be ID’d by the teeth marks in your leather strap.]

I'm not above kicking the living shit out of someone. And I certainly don't consider myself a hypocrite for it. If one of those Bush idiots wants to get in my face he'd better be prepared to get f*cked up because I will not be disrespected like that. I'm so pissed off at this government and these imbeciles that support it I'd welcome the opportunity to beat on one of them. They think they can bully us because they believe the propaganda about Dems being punks. Being liberal does not mean you can't or won't fight. Sometimes you just have to kick someone's ass when they ask for it.

[Would you like Dr. Nice-Nice to loosen up your restraining straps a bit?]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-06-05 (DUmmies SLAM DUmmie FUnnies!!!)

I always move DUmmie threads attacking the DUmmie FUnnies to the top of the audition process. Therefore this edition is about the DUmmies slamming the DUFUs in this THREAD oddly titled, “Too funny, yet oddly flattering.. One hand clapping makes more sound..” The oddly flattered DUmmie postings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, watching the DUmmies watching me watching them, is in the [brackets]:

Too funny, yet oddly flattering.. One hand clapping makes more sound..

[And a loud one-handed clap for you, DUmmie SoCalDem.]

This little freak spends waaaay too much time at DU... apparently he has devoted his website to dissecting our posts. Might the surname be "Moran"??

[Actually I don’t need to spend too much time in DUmmieland to find reality-challenged threads. And, no, I am NOT related to that Democrat Congressman in Northern Virginia badly in need of an Anger Management program.]

http://dummiefunnies.blogspot.com


and he's a "star" at FR... apparently no one reads his blog, so he reposts it there

[Actually I am a SUPERSTAR at the FR. And thanx for the plug, DUmmie SoCalDem, plus thanx for the many NUTTY posts you have provided the DUFUs. You are definitely one of the more wacked out Lefties in DUmmieland which is saying a lot.]


http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1375808/posts

[Yes. Thanx for that link to that “The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion..”. edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. You were the star in that edition, DUmmie SoCalDem, with your childish suggestion that DUmmies are justified to toss stuff at conservatives since you folks are so frustrated over the lack of attention to your insanity. Again I thank you for the great comedy material.]

that picture is going to give me nightmares. who the heck said, "hey, I'm gonna draw a beaver smoking a cigar while twitching its eyebrows at me!"

[Bill Clinton whispered that suggestion into my ear. He wanted to see beavers with cigars.]

Impossible to imagine a more sorry assed nitwit than that guy. He ought to be doing something useful, like working on a highway weed pulling crew or something.

[How about working on a highway crew pulling down dopey signs you DUmmies have been putting up on the overpasses? I saw a DUmmie thread with that very recommendation. Sorry if I hadn’t gotten around to DUFUing that thread yet.]

At the FR thread he (or someone) brags about taking a picture of a DUer (Faye) at a gathering.. calls it.."taking one for the team".. Silverback..ring any bells DUers??

[Um…you need to improve your reading skills, DUmmie SoCalDem. That was speedaddiction who made that claim. Overweight, pierced, tattooed, pallid DUmmie chicks aren’t my thing.]

Somebody pm Faye. He might be a stalker.

[In DUmmie Faye’s case I am an anti-stalker. I want to stay AWAY from her.]

This is rally sad for two reasons:

1) This guy really loves DU and he just can't admit it, but, more imiportantly, 2) I'm not mentioned! zip, nada, nothing. I'd like to think I reach peaks of irrationality equal to the DU gold standard. I must re-tool and get back to work.

[1)Yes, I admit it. I love DUmmieland for its rich treasure trove of inadvertent humor. 2) Good news, DUmmie autorank! You have been mentioned here! Your peaks of irrationality do equal the DUmmie Gold standard. Congratulations on being irrational enough to make it into the DUmmie FUnnies!]

You could check his archives.. Maybe you are featured there (he thinks I am a guy, so he must not spend THAT much time here )

[It’s hard to tell about gender identity in DUmmieland, DUmmie SoCalDem. Therefore I often refer to DUmmies as she/he/it. And yes, you should check the DUFU archives, DUmmie SoCalDem. Since you are on the fringe of the DUmmie fringes, you have been featured here many times in the past.]

You know what he reminds me of? Back in the old days of Usenet, there was a particular brand of poster. They'd take a long post, break it up into single sentences, follow each sentence with another sentence (or a paragraph) with some wise-ass comment that most of the time didn't even relate to the subject of the post, and continue in the same way for the ENTIRE LONG POST. Like the guy thought he was actually having some sort of repartee with the original poster, and coming up with all these great comebacks to each sentence (gee not too tough to do when you've got unlimited time to think of each one).

[Surprise, DUmmie ltfranklin. I only spend a few seconds typing up each reply. I prefer not to linger too long on each DUmmie insanity since there is soooo much more such material to review.]

Then he'd post the reply, and disappear...never responding to any reply to his post, although most people gave up reading after the first inane wise-ass comment or two...probably actually thinking they accomplished something.

[Actually I ALWAYS respond to the posts. It’s a courtesy thing with me.]

You know, I don't even remember what we called these asses.

[I believe the asses are called “DUmmies.”]

I read his whole blog for the last week. He just picks one story a day…

[Actually it is usually TWO blog editions per day. However on special occasions such as when you DUmmies got cold water splashed on your collective faces after gloating over the exit polls on Election Day, I had about a half dozen editions chronicling your hilarious mass scale depression.]

it seems. I guess the doesn't like to argue in Real Time! Much easier at the end of the discussion on another board.

[Um…mind explaining just how you argue in Real Time on a Blog? Besides, what’s the point? I don’t want to debate you DUmmies on the error of your ways. I want you to REMAIN the same. You need to continue your paranoid rantings about BFEE, PNAC, LIHOP, MIHOP, IHOP with large helpings of I BELIEVE stuff about creating your own reality. For you DUmmies to become normal means I LOSE my comedy material.]

He's a "Peeper-Freeper" peeps in here, and then spends a day or so coming up with his "barbed" retorts

[Usually the audition process takes longer than the actual DUFUing which normally takes less than an hour. The comedy material you DUmmies inadvertently provide is so fantastic that it writes itself.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-05-05 ("What is the root cause of terrorism against the U.S.?")

Is it really any big surprise that the answer posed by the question in this DUmmie THREAD, “What is the root cause of terrorism against the U.S.?” is Bush and/or the U.S.A.? I mean, come on. This is DUmmieland we are talking about where they operate in a warped alternate universe. Do you actually expect they would blame the (GASP!) terrorists for terrorism? To them the terrorists are freedom fighters struggling against American Imperialism and the Bush Family Evil Empire (BFEE in DUmmie Talk). So let us now view the DUmmie freak show of warped reality. As usual the upside down DUmmie logic is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:

What is the root cause of terrorism against the U.S.?

[The DUmmie answer to that question is NOT hard to guess.]

BFEE they are the root of the problem.

[Congratulations on being utterly predictable.]

LIHOP

[And MIHOP and IHOP.]

Lack of distribution of wealth in the Middle East, curtesy of Big Oil. Now they scramble to re-fix things and cover it all with a big fat myth.

[Saddam Hussein was forced at gun point to hog all that oil money for himself.]

The have nots...are tired of having naught.

[That poor billionaire, Osama Bin Laden, was definitely a have not….when compared to Bill Gates.]

PNAC. Not only the source of trouble Middle East, but the whole world. Nothing but "Manifest Destiny", regurgitated. Other nations consider it little more than a plan for world domination by the U.S.

[P-NACing, Mr. Pinnell? P-NACing?]

The root cause *is* the US. It's that fact that so many people in our country want to kill every single non-xtian alive today. Why shouldn't they hate the US when so many people in power in our country want to kill them?

[Is that a fact, Jack?]

Dick Cheney

[Karl Rove too!]

We keep stomping on their peoples for greater power and control. This includes supporting dictators, overthrowing democratic governments, and bombing entire swaths of countryside back into the Stone Age.

[And pouring arsenic into their soil.]

Easy...it all started w/ the US bases put in place by Cheney/Bush I in Saudi Arabia on the holiest of grounds & the knowledge of PNAC. OBL didn't like this one bit. I will even go out on a ledge and say that if Al Gore were president, there would not hv been an attack. I think OBL et al, would hv warned him to get the US bases out of Saudi Arabia. Gore wld hv done it too. Flame away.

[So you are admitting that the Father of the Internet would have caved in to OBL.]

The majority of "terrorist" bombings are against uniformed U.S. forces overseas. By traditional laws of combat these are fair and appropriate targets.

[Tell it to the Marines…if you dare.]

America is certainly number 1, public enemy number 1.

[A sentiment heard many times over in the DUmmie Echo Chamber.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-05-05 ("any mention of impeachment or revolution gets instantly shot down")

There has always been a strong element of doom and gloom in DUmmieland but during the past few days I’ve noticed a big uptick in this trend judging by such threads as, “"I've had enough. rant,” "I don't understand why they don't take bush down now,” "The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion," "Republican Fatigue," and now the current somewhat incorrectly titled THREAD, “any mention of impeachment or revolution gets instantly shot down.” Actually nearly ALL mention of impeachment or revolution in DUmmieland is strongly supported. So why this recent rash Left-Wing visions of the political apocalypse? My guess is that harsh reality is seeping through to the leftist cocoon of DUmmieland. DUmmies are now realizing that BUSH WON in November, that NO election fraud by the EVIL Republicans will ever be proved despite them sending copious funds to Bev Harris, that they can BEEEELEEEVE all they want but John Kerry wasn’t inaugurated on January 20, that the Jeff Gannon “scandal” did not lead to the removal of the EVIL Bush regime, that the Terry Schiavo death will not mean the breakup of the Republican coalition, and now NO ONE is paying the least bit of attention to the DUmmiecrat wacko agenda due to the Pope’s death. Yes, reality is a bitch for the DUmmies. NOTHING is going their way. They can desperately grasp at straws of complete insignificance but even they must know now that it will make NO DIFFERENCE. Oooh! Oooh! A moth in Panama just flew into a flame and burned up---this MUST lead to the end of the end of the EVIL Bush Regime. Sound ridiculous? Not any more ridiculous than the many other insignificant straws they are grasping at. And, of course, they know deep down that this is the TRUTH which only makes them ever more desperate and, thankfully for our entertainment pleasure, FUnnie. Therefore let us look at the latest outbreak of DUmmie desperation scrawled out in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, assuring the DUmmies that the burning of that Panamanian moth WILL lead to the end of the Bush Regime, is in the [brackets]:

any mention of impeachment or revolution gets instantly shot down not by all, but by most. just suggest impeaching bush for any number of treasonous acts, and you are instantly explained away.

[Not really, DUmmie mopaul. Despite a few LOUSY FREEPER TROLLS who calmly try to explain to you that you have neither the grounds nor the support for impeachment, such threads are grasped instantly by the vast majority of your fellow DUmmies and supported. As for revolution, that illegal activity is also supported by the majority of the DUmmies although most of them would rather conduct such revolution sitting on their butts in front of the computer screen.]

…and just try to suggest the notion of taking our government back from the neoconazis and the explaining away begins. 'they control it all', 'it's pointless, they've gotten too powerful', 'people just aren't in the right mood for a revolution'.

[Or the silly notion that “they just won an election."]

…and the assholes stomp all over us and laugh at our lack of action. the world looks on in amazement and wonders why we are allowing it.

[At least you are correct about us laughing at you but the world does NOT look on in amazement…yet. For that we have to wait for the publication of the DUmmie FUnnies Book (with CD-ROM insert for the related comix stories).]

The Revolution Will Not Be Blogged. When it happens, don't look for it online.

[Please don’t disappoint the DUmmies. They would much prefer to sit on their fat asses and conduct a revolution on the computer screen deep in the dark corners of their parents’ basements.]

How are you going to impeach him right now? Get half the pubs in the House and Senate over to our side?

[Yeah. That will work…in your own alternate reality.]

In the midst of the depression in 1932, it didn't take a revolution--it just took a majority of people to be aggravated enough to throw the bastards out. And that's where I think we're headed--it will take some bad times for it to hit home with the average person, that they've been taken to the cleaners, that they've been lied to and abused, all to fill the pockets of the wealthy in the country. When they figure that out, they will get angry and throw the bastards out, but probably not until the bad times poke them in the chest a couple of times, hard.

[Pray for economic depression. It’s our ONLY salvation.]

What I would rather see than violence is perhaps a sophisticated version of civil strife--mass slowdowns on the job, strikes, lots of monkey wrenches in the works. But, truthfully, I don't think this administration would notice--and if they did, the result would be more repression. The real problem today is that too many people believe the Republicans are acting in the people's best interests--that's why they keep voting for the bastards. That why I say that hard times are far more likely than genuine revolution.

[And don’t forget the Diebold machines. We OWN the Diebold machines.]

They control it all. They've gotten too powerful. People don't give enough of a shit for a revolution…What exactly are you proposing?

[I am proposing more Primal Scream Therapy. It is SOOOO entertaining to hear.]

i'm proposing action and i'm not advocating violence. and no, i don't have a big plan all worked out, i can barely type and drink coffee at the same time. just something, anything is all. any kind of action would be good.

[How about just doing what you are already doing, DUmmie mopaul---impotently jumping up and down while screaming until you are Bolshevik Red in the face.]

if you advocate change you should have something proposed unless of course the point of this is simply to blow smoke.

[Apparently DUmmie mopaul is just blowing smoke…as usual.]

you have proven my point that we are all living under the illusion that there's NOTHING we can do to stop these maniacs. it's an illusion.

[An illusion just like your rantings here, DUmmie mopaul. I love how you complain about DUmmie inaction yet you provide NO plan for action.]

so enlighten us what's your solution? If you've got ideas, I would love to hear them.

[You have a loooong wait if you expect to hear anything solid from DUmmie mopaul.]

some refuse to be enlightened by my glorious ass and i'm not going out of my way to reach them. if you don't want a revolution, fine. why ask my crazy ass? me and you are in the same boat.

[Great bitch and moan shtick you got there, DUmmie mopaul. Of course you have absolutely NO INFORMATION to give to your fellow DUmmies after all that impotent ranting.]

so basically you've got nothing to offer in terms of action understood. We have repeatedly asked for ideas, and you have given none. Being defensive doesn't cover up for the fact that you have suggested no strategy for action.

[BINGO! And DUmmie imenja wins a Kewpie doll for having accurate insight as to the true nature of blowhard DUmmie mopaul.]

I hold out hope that things will turn on shrub and impeachment is possible.

[Yes. Please continue holding your breath while waiting for that to happen.]

if people REALLY think we are powerless, then we will be we need to think differently now, our nation needs us.

[Actually, DUmmie mopaul, the DUmmie FUnnies needs you. The comedic material you supply is priceless.]

We are NOT powerless to change things. But using our power requires being smart about it. Most importantly, we need to devote ourselves to something that actually benefits the American people. Why assume impeachment does that? Have you thought about the chain of secession? Impeach Bush, we get Cheney. Get rid of Cheney, Hastert is next in line, and with Hastert comes Delay. Check out the Presidential Secession Act.

[Somewhere deep in the DUmmieland jungle, a dim light bulb of revelation clicks on over the tiny head of a DUmmie.]

it is our DUTY to overthrow a rotten government.

[Okay, you just blew some more smoke, DUmmie mopaul. Now explain to us HOW you are going to do that. Impeachment won’t work so that leaves only the revolution that you “claim” you don’t want.]

The system must be changed by the people pushing for a multi party system. Research the multi-party possibilities.

[Yeah. The Socialist Workers Party and the Green Party are viable multi-party options. Oh, and don’t forget the Vegetarian Party. They are in the mix as well.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-04-05 ("I've had enough. rant.")

The level of frustration in DUmmieland knows no bounds as you can see in this THREAD titled, “I've had enough. rant.” Reading this is like hearing the pathetic primal scream of an impotent animal lashing out at a world NOT of its making. However, do not mistake this for a tragedy. Comedy is more like it. The laughs are many so sit back and read the rants in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, with analyst notepad in hand, is in the [brackets]:

I have had enough of seeing Bush. I have had enough of stupidity being glorified. I have had enough of unnecessary wars. I have had enough of the looming darkness over the country and the constant death watches while our soldiers' deaths and injuries get ignored completely. I have had enough of holier than thou attitudes of the Republicans and the Religious Right. I have had enough of faux patriotism. Having my side called traitors and sinners. I am tired of the bad economy and I am tired of having to prove myself to get a job. My background should speak for itself. I want to beat these people in the worst way. I want to wipe those smug expressions off of their faces once and for all. I want it so bad I can taste it. My anger is a tide that will not ebb.

[“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” I laughed with a smug expression on my face.]

I can't agree more and it frustrates me because I feel so helpless. Let me add, I am extremely tired of the media playing on the pope There is only so much one can say, only so much one can repeat.

[Not only are you helpless but hopeless as well. Oh, and you prefer that the media cover “election fraud” in Ohio?

You are not alone......

[True. There are many DUmmies to keep him company in the mental ward.]

The thing that bothers me the most though, is that is exactly what they wanted me to do. Give up.

[Why don’t you Give Up some more of your money to Bev Harris. She is just $10 away from discovering election fraud.]

I'm also tired of being told to leave if I disagree. That isn't how things are supposed to be. We're supposed to work together instead of them telling me to move to France or Canada. F*ck them!

[Why don’t you move to North Korea?]

I will NEVER surrender. But....... I may back off to recharge my batteries for a while.

[The electrodes are ready. Now relax while we attach them to your forehead so we can recharge your batteries via electro-shock therapy.]

There are lots of different ways to resist. Yes, it can be poisoning. But, you're going to be all right, because you truly oppose this crap -- you aren't merely substituting your dogma for theirs, which, I would suggest, indicates moral vacuity. Part of the "Surrender Dorothy" syndrome is that they are trying to make you feel that you are mentally inferior, or somehow defective, for disagreeing with them. Some of us are reminded by this of how Communist China and the Soviet Union regarded dissent as mental illness, which was to be treated in re-education camps. I have compared it to how women who are being battered feel -- their abusers are able to keep them in control by telling them no one will believe them and that they are crazy, etc. They have to keep up constant intense emotional chaos in the victim, to stop them from THINKING, because thought and analysis and acknowledgement of reality puts an end to such personal horrors. You no doubt know of the concept of mental pathology. Well, my dear, imagine when whole societies sink into madness. Social Pathology. The fact that you have gotten through this shit so far -- and yes, I KNOW how wrenching it can be -- shows you are innately strong and that you WILL survive to see the rebirth of reason and freedom. I wish i could say that this is going to be over soon. Sadly, I feel it's going to get a lot worse beore it gets better. We all have to find ways to resist, or fight, if we can, in the meantime.

[Dr. Shrink’s prognosis is that you are suffering from Battered DUmmie Syndrome. The symptoms of BDS are a complete divorce from reality, Drama Queen antics, and an extreme persecution complex. Take two Lithiums and see the doctor in the morning.]

I have a sinking feeling you are right about it getting worse before it gets better. Your 'battered' analogy fits. The American people are being battered left and right. Everyday--EVERYDAY--it's something else, more executive rule changes to get around Congress, another bogus report that conveniently ignores the VPs involvment of the lies that led to the war, undermining the court system, reports of torture and abuse... it just goes on and on and on and on! No wonder so many prefer to "go along to get along," but we all have our limits. There will come a day when the "mob wakes up."

[Good news. The Home for Battered DUmmies has just opened. There you will be protected from facing harsh reality. Seek protection from the cruel world by calling the Home for Battered DUmmies at: 1-800-BUSH-WON.]

I remember a time when Time magazine had a cover proclaiming GOD is dead. What happened?

[God is still around but Time magazine is in its death throes.]

We are going through some very dark times. Hang in there!

[Hang in there. The Bolshevik Revolution may yet happen again in our own alternate reality.]

I never imagined I would ever live in a negatively transformational era; this I used to wonder "How did such a thing ever happen?" -- now, I think I know -- evil rises stealthfully, and people find themselves engulfed in events, unable to escape, like a tsunami.

[Something you learned at the Ho Chi Minh Day Care Center?]

Would like to slap em in the puss w/o a problem for what they are doin' to us...to our country!

[Or toss a bottle of salad dressing on them?]

I'm freakin fed up with all the shit!

[The new inscription on the gateway door to Dummieland.]

Even my activist family has been taken aback by my fire and passion in which I have found. I feel like the grip of evil is dragging my down and its a constant fight to keep my head above water. I just want to scream sometimes, but then I think... who will hear me? who would care? I start to feel more and more isolated as I see the people I called allies turn and fire at each other in their desperation. I feel powerless in a community where I fight to get people to act, but to no avail. They just smile and nod, apathetic and frustrated, with a shrug of the shoulders as if to say... what can I do? Its like running into a brick wall, falling down, getting back up again only to run again full tilt into the same wall. I draw attention to issues, and see only division and bitterness spread around like warm butter on bread. Put too many mice in a cage and they will eventually kill themselves off. Its a sad state of affairs we are in, and the light at the end of the tunner grows darker and farther away every day. But regardless of the insurmountable odds I may face, I cannot give up, will not give in. It is in my spirit to fight, and I will continue to fight as long as I have air in my lungs in which to speak out with.

[Open wide… Just a little more… Good! We slipped the leather strap in between your teeth. Oh, and please use that mop leaning on the wall to clean up all your rabid foam that soaks the floor.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-04-05 ("I don't understand why they don't take bush down now")

Welcome to yet another chapter of the Dummieland Hate Bush obsession in this THREAD titled, “I don't understand why they don't take bush down now.” My how the pet DUmmie ants are astir over the very existence of Bush as President. Peer through the glass of my Pet DUmmie Ant Farm as they continue kicking up dust in their circular mill. But let us be thankful for their rage. Angry DUmmie ants are quite entertaining. So sit back and enjoy the show. As usual, the DUmmie ant frothings are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, applying more Windex to the DUmmie ant farm glass, is in the [brackets]:

I don't understand why they don't take bush down now.

[Who is “they,” DUmmie Skip Intro? The same white-coated folks who bring you your meds thrice daily? But continue…]

There's proof he lied about Iraq, and that his war is bullshit.

There's proof our Attorney General approved, basically ordered, torture.

The economy is broken, the military is broken, the nation is broke, and its people are turning against each other -

[You left out the part about the sky is falling but continue with your laugh lines, DUmmie Skip Intro…]

the bush regime isn't just a failure, its a threat
what's he still doing there.
what line yet needs to be crossed?

[We already know the sanity barrier line that your mind has crossed. Continue with the rant, DUmmie Skip Intro…]

why the hell have these liars and crooks not been run out of office: by the remaining sane peple in DC? by the courts? by the people of this nation?

how does he still, how do they still get to keep going on, smashing America's heart with a hammer, after all that is evident?

do we not have any self-respect left, as a nation?

how can these people still be there?

[To answer the latter question, let me remind you of a certain election that occurred last November. However, please don’t feel alone in your mental fantasies, DUmmie Skip Intro. As we shall now see, your fellow DUmmies share your bizarre delusions.]

Its because most people still believe that the system works or else they don't, but they don't think there is anything that can change it.

[Change it? How? Impeachment? Yeah, I have a funny feeling some DUmmie here soon will bring up that delusion as inevitably happens with these strange rantings.]

It really pisses me of. Can any American hire an attorney to start an impeachment against the president?

[Sure. No problem. Just look up the section of the Yellow Pages listing impeachment lawyers and give one of them a call.]

Anyone can start impeachment but, the house and senate have to actually do the impeaching. Meaning it ain't gonna happen unless we can take the house and senate by storm in 06. If we can get enough votes we can overcome election fraud and throw the bums on their asses.

[Earth to DUmmieland. It takes a two-thirds vote in the Senate to convict so even if you win EVERY Senate seat in ’06, which WON’T be happening, you still won’t have the necessary votes.]


The system of power that you speak of is running in a parallel universe of its own creation now, isolated from realities like looming financial crises, military overextension, as well as enjoying immunity from the usual checks of our political system and the traditional role of antagonist played by the media. It's been like this ever since one branch of gov't (Judiciary) joined with the GOP to usurp the Executive and of course it's gotten even worse with the institution of Permawar Through Terror and the solidification of One Party Rule through the 2002 midterm elections. It doesn't matter a damn whether people think this system works or not or whether there's something that seems like it could intervene or not. It's a One Party Fascist State now and it will keep chugging along, getting crazier and more abusive until it ends in a big catastrophe, like the Third Reich did.

[DUmmies are quite the experts about living in a parallel universe.]

Stop being shocked that he's president and concentrate on the 2006 election. Then maybe we can talk about impeachment.

[I can already see the DUmmie mantra leading into the ’06 election: Vote for the DUmmiecrats so we can impeach Bush. A winning strategy…NOT.]

Are you saying there is NOTHING the Democrats can do? I don't believe it. There must be something. I have recommended this topic and hope someone else will so maybe we can get more ideas on the table here.

[I have an idea. How about if you impotently scream and yell until you turn Bolshevik Red in the face.]

Right now I feel like a 48-year-old-lady sitting at the video poker machine in the neighborhood bar, tapping the cigarette ash with the bejeweled skinny finger. She's got the early onset wrinkles. She's seen her factory closing. Her man left long ago. She's bitter, and there's nothing she wants to do besides gamble her cares away.

[Is that you, Faye?]

Have you seen Godfather Part II? Bush has buffers. Bush has made it very easy for any mistakes to be attributable to disposable underlings.

[Let’s go fishing, Fredo.]

Yet another great Godfather/BFEE analogy...There's sooo many of them...

[I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!]

Yeah but somewhere in a parallel universe. President Gore is working on finishing up 16 years of peace and prosperity *sigh*.

[In that parallel universe, is President Gore still stuffing his pants with artificial crotch enhancers aka socks?]

I talk and talk and talk until I'm blue in the face, but much of the time it's to no avail. So many times I thought I had convinced someone, and then the Puppet-in-Chief and his cable news pundits play right into their emotions with their rhetorical talking points. But if I told these same people all that I really know, they'd probably find a way to lock me up too.

[I hate to be the one to inform you but you are already locked up in the DUmmie Ant Farm which is like a FUnnie Farm for tiny minded critters.]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-01-05 ("The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion..")

The DUmmies, having LONG AGO lost the battle for ideas, are now reduced to the infantile hurling of objects at conservatives as you can see in this THREAD titled, “The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion..” So there you have it. Since they are totally unable to win debates or elections, the DUmmies are now going outside the system to angrily throw stuff at people with whom they disagree. However, instead of being embarrassed by their total lack of civil discourse, they are proud of the fact that they can’t win arguments in normal venues. Let us now lead off with crybaby DUmmie SoCalDem’s justification for acting like idiots. As usual, the hurling DUmmie posts are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent is in the [brackets]:

The Egg, Pie, and Salad Dressing Rebellion..

[A rebellion worthy of the DUmmie intellect. Continue DUmmie SoCalDem…]

Today on Washington Journal, a teensy bit of the Ann Coulter incident was mentioned and then a bit about the salad dressing incident with pat Buchanan. Of course Brian Lamb chuckled a bit when he reported it, and seemed truly confused as to why this is happening. People make a long distance call to C-Span, sometimes dialing for hours....get through..and if they are not disconnected duing the interminable wait, they are given a scant 30-45 SECONDS to try to make their point. Of course if there is a "guest", the guest always gets the oppportunity to totally ignore the comments or just re-spin their propaganda.

[Perhaps we need to forward the DUmmie FUnnies to Brian Lamb so you can find out for himself what complete idiots you are. Continue DUmmie SoCalDem…]

What Brian does not understand is this: When ordinary people are DENIED their opportunity to set the record straight, and are finally tired of hearing propaganda, they will resort to extremes, just to make a point. We rarely see "the pundits" squirting salad dressing or tossing the occasional egg. The reason they don't have to is that they have virtually unlimited air time, and have the capability to "silence" any and all "guests" who dare to disagree with them.

[What DUmmie SoCalDem does not understand is this: You have every opportunity to “set the record straight” (if you can). Tired of hearing “propaganda?” Then turn the radio dial or read just your own bilge in DUmmieland. However, since you DUmmies can’t stand to be challenged you lash out like a bunch of friggin’ babies. And the reason why you NEVER see pundits tossing crap around like morons is because their mentality is above the level of the DUmmies…which is not difficult. Please continue making a complete FOOL out of yourself, DUmmie SoCalDem…]

The president and his minions travel the US on OUR dime, and then speak before hand-picked audiences. If a detractor manages to get inside, and has the courage to say his/her piece, they are unceremoniously escorted OUT, and possibly arrested. The next time they try to fly, they might find out there are further ramifications too..

[A lot better treatment than they got under Clinton when detractors were actually tossed in jail or beaten up.]

A person like Coulter is paid 10s of thousands of dollars to spew hatred, and then "deputizes" burly republican students to "throw the dissenters out". This is incitement to violence, pure and simple, and she's being paid by a university that is supported by ALL our tax dollars, democrats and republicans. Pat Buchanan may have every right to say his xenophobic "piece", but he should expect to hear some opposition when he ventures outside his little media cocoon. Salad Dressing is actually quite inventive when you consider that lettuce pickers tend NOT to be blond, blue-eyed wasps.

[Interesting that DUmmie SoCalDem never even considers the possibility of writing a contrary letter to the editor or post differing views on the Web. No. He hears something he doesn’t like and his first reaction is to allow his bile to build up to the point where he supports tossing salad dressing on his political opponents like a frustrated baby. Poor Baby SoCalDem. Can’t argue with conservatives so he is just going to toss stuff and make a big messy-poo. WAAAAH!!! Frustrated crybaby SoCalDem needs a diaper change because folks won’t take his idiocy seriously. WAAAAAH!!!]

When a Vice president or president "visits" a town, it should not be unusual for the general public to take notice and want to participate in some way. Tossing an egg at a vehicle that would probably fare well in a nuclear blast, is not a threat..especially when it's tossed by an adolescent girl.

[DUmmie SoCalDem trying to justify acting like an idiot. Notice how he “eggs” on others but is TOO CHICKEN to do this stuff himself.]

None of these bold "attacks" are sophisticated or even original, but it's a symptom of just how frustrated half (or more) of the nation has become. It's kind of like a water balloon.. Squeeze one part of it, and the water will just go to the other side, but if you twist it and poke it and stomp on it, the water balloon will eventually burst.

[Apparently the water balloon that is your tiny head has already burst, DUmmie SoCalDem.]

It is ironic though, that these pranks are widely reported, when millions of people in the streets marching, is not..

[Um…I hate to break the news to you, DUmmie SoCalDem, but the REASON that millions of people in the streets marching is not reported is because millions of people are NOT in the street marching. Perhaps dozens on a good day for the DUmmies but that is about all.]

Civil disobedience is a long-held tenet of our country and "first amendment zones", hermetically sealed leaders and storm-troopers lining the streets are starting to bring out the "kid" in all of us..

[Actually NO catalyst is needed to bring out the DUmmie in you, SoCalDem. And now let us hear from some of your fellow DUmmies…]

Well written! And AMEN!

[Truly one of the great intellectual treatises of our time.]

There are two types of terrorists the evil terrorists like george bush, and the disenfranchised terrorist who starts with salad dressing.

[You’re a disenfranchised terrorist? And what was the cause of this disenfranchisement? You lost the right to vote? You can’t post what you want in DUmmieland? You are forbidden from writing letters to the editor? Just what space/time continuum do you live in where you suffer this horrible “disenfranchisement?”]

If the people here really cared about their protests, they'd load up on salad dressing, bring their farm animals to Bush's speeches and wear loose-fitting pants so they could moon Ann Coulter at appropriate moments.

[Please be sure not to face Ann Coulter while mooning her or she might laugh at the tiny size of your “franchisment.”]

It occurred to me this morning after reading about the salad dressing incident that pressure really seems to be building. Your post gives color and detail to my vague feeling. Great job. Thanks.

[Salad dressing is flying. The tide is turning. Today Italian dressing, tomorrow the White House!]

I was thinking when I heard about these things - what you said - people are getting frustrated and there doesn't seem to be a good outlet - so it's not a surprise to me.

[We didn’t win the election in November! WAAAAAH! I am soooo frustrated so I’m just gonna throw stuff! WAAAAAH!!!]

The spirit of the Boston Tea Party lives in anyone who opposes this heavy-handed regime which puts dissenters in corrals and muffles the voices of the opposition. So, a thrown pie here or there. A heckler ot two. I see no harm. Especially if the "scoflaw" incident gets on the news. Because we need exposure. The professional liars, Swiftboat and all their adherents, are paid to get on the nightly news. We need our voices heard over Bush's paid thugs. And the media loves the visual of a gooey pie sliding down the face of some smug blowhard. That's the game.

[All talk and no action, eh DUmmie stanwyck? You see no harm? How about you try tossing stuff like a baby and tell us there is no harm when you are sharing a jail cell with someone who refers to you as “my little bitchboy?”]

DUmmie FUnnies 04-01-05 ("What insults do you use on Republican freepers?")

Times are tough for the DUmmies. Things are just not going right for them so they are now reduced to chortling over what insults to hurl at freepers as you can see in this THREAD titled, “What insults do you use on Republican freepers?” The primal scream of the DUmmies is in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, measuring the DUmmie bile level, is in the [brackets]:

What insults do you use on Republican freepers?

[I like to jump up and down in frustration and just scream incoherently at them until I am Bolshevik Red in my face.]

None. I've stopped communicating with them about politics. It's not worth it.

[Been eating a bit too much Freeper Road Runner dust lately, eh?]

One, only one...Started ranting at me a while back. He was trying to pick my brain on websites. Get a free education. My patience crumbled. I told him that as far as repukes are concerned, I wouldn't piss up their ass if their guts were on fire. The look on his face. Priceless.

[He was shocked that someone could use such unoriginal material.]

We tend to iconoclastic and quite blunt here. One will find DU a daunting place without a sense of humor and a sense of irony.

[True. I have found DUmmieland to be without a sense of humor and a sense of irony.]

Freeper is bad enough, but freeptard is my all time favorite.

[I prefer the more accurate, “DUmmie.”]

I just hand them this. Here dear old freeper:

You befouled, vitiated poltroon. You blighted, malodorous, mephitic recreant. You are a festering boil on the ass of all humanity. You have all the backbone of a jellyfish. You moribific, feculent simpleton. Would that I could change my species, just so that I might not be associated with you. The stupendous, confounding magnitude of your insipidness astonishes me.

I cannot believe that anyone could muster such a prodigious, astounding level of stupidity. If you were any more asinine or incogitant, you would surely have been put to death long ago. Your vapidity has gone so far beyond any previous boundaries of puerility and nugacity as to banish any and all chances of an intelligent thought from your head. Even the most hardened of regulars unquestionably cannot believe your fatuousness and illogicality.

Your opinions do nothing but lend credence to the overwhelming fact that you are such a driveling simpleton that you cannot find your ass with both hands and a road map. You are the very pinnacle of insensateness. You are the model of banality and subnormality. I am aghast at your apparent ability to insert your own head into your own rectum at will.

There cannot be even a fragment of intellectuality or perspicacity to be found within the gaping void which should contain your brain. It amazes me that you are able to perform even the most facile of everyday functions with your exorbitantly disadvantaged and gormless lack of intellect.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, "I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel". You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you.

You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum, and I wish you would go away.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

If you aren't an idiot, you made a world class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one handed slack jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock hard stupid. Dehydrated rock hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans stupid stupid. Meta stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid.

Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self destructive, abusive, socially retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

Just a little "constructive criticism", I hope this helps...

[Just a little “constructive criticism, DUmmie Maestro, I hope this helps… Longevity is NOT the soul of wit.]