DUmmie FUnnies 08-11-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Grandstands In Crawford)

Is there any major Leftist event in which William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt does not try to make HIMSELF the center of attention? We already saw that happen on June 16, “The Day When Everything Finally Changed.” Unfortunately for Pitt, the Day When Everything Finally Changed fizzled out so he tried to kickstart ANOTHER “Day When Everything Finally Changed” this coming September 24. In between, Pitt noticed the Sheehan Circus taking place in Crawford, Texas and went into the panic mode lest the many video cameras there fail to record him blowing bloated pronouncements into his own navel. So Pitt donned his black Midnight Cowboy outfit and hit the highways in a mad scramble to promote himself before the cameras in Crawford as you can see in his Truthout VERBAL DIARRHEA ENTRIES. So all you reporters down in Crawford, please keep this in mind: Cindy Sheehan is just a sideshow of the circus. The MAIN EVENT is none other than Pied Piper Pitt, at least in his own mind as he attempts to make every twitch of his nose and wiggle of his butt into acts of great historical import. The laughable acts of blatant self-promotion by Pied Piper Pitt are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, once again puncturing the self-inflated Pied Piper Pitt Blimp, is in the [brackets]:

Wednesday 10 August 2005
4:55 PM

After a rather uneventful journey from Boston, I am standing on a country road in Crawford TX. There are maybe fifty cars parked here and perhaps five dozen activists. It seems this is a transitional phase. Some have headed back to the Peace House and others are on the way down the road.

[After modeling my yummie Midnight Cowboy outfit for everybody in Dummieland, I am finally grandstanding on a country road in Crawford, TX. There are probably fifty cars parked here and perhaps a dozen activists. Now the real work begins---How to make MYSELF the center of attention.]

The police are being polite and deferential, and word has it the looming arrest threat may have been more a miscommunication than anything. We shall see.

[The police are RUINING our chances for some great video melodrama by being polite and not arresting us. Must find some other way to grandstand.]

Cindy Sheehan is in high spirits despite being sun-blasted and tired. She is also back at the House doing radio interviews.

[Cindy Sheehan is in high spirits despite being sun-blasted and tired. Perhaps I could substitute for her doing radio interviews.]

A long caravan is coming down the road right now. More Iraq families, more veterans, more activists. The Crawford siege continues.

[The Crawford siege continues. Oh how I love to toss around military terminology. A long caravan is coming down the road right now. Sure hope it is more reporters with video cameras. HERE I AM!!!]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
5:26 PM

I just videotaped an interview with Jodi Evans of Code Pink. She has been on a hunger strike out here since Saturday and is weakened but holding firm. Imagine fasting while sleeping in a tent after getting blasted alternately with searing heat and thunderstorms that drop four inches of rain in an hour.

[I just videotaped an interview with Jodi Evans of Code Pink. Maybe I could get it broadcast as a pod on Algore TV. Must edit the tape to make ME the focus of the interview.]

There is more courage by the side of this road than I have seen anywhere in a long, long time.

[Hello everybody! I’m by the side of the road in Crawford. ME!!! Pied Piper Pitt. Please notice my courage.]

And the crowd continues to swell. More rain in the forecast.

[More rain in the forecast. I sure hope it doesn’t cause my black velvet Midnight Cowboy costume to mildew.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
5:38 PM

A fellow in a big doublewide just rolled by and gave everyone the finger. He didn't stop, though. No big surprise.

[I get the finger from a fellow in a big doublewide. No big surprise. He had no fashion sense so he didn’t appreciate my black velvet Midnight Cowboy costume.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
6:03 PM

Heading back to an Internet connection so we can upload the interview we just got with Cindy. Hopefully, it will be ready in a couple of hours, and then we will head back here. Stay tuned.

[Panic. Almost a full half-hour went by before I could upload my interview via an Internet connection. That long out of the spotlight is SCARY.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
7:10 PM

We have sprinted back to a spot with high speed Internet so we can upload our interviews. The highway we took to get here was 84, otherwise known as the George W. Bush Parkway. Yes, the car almost wound up off the road.

[High speed Internet access so I can upload tales of self-glorification. This is what the Crawford trip is all about.]

Things seemed settled back at the protest site. We will head back as soon as we can, and will be there again first thing in the morning. Apparently, the threat from the cops about moving people tomorrow was not so empty. Cindy has vowed to sit herself in the road and not move should that happen.

[Things seemed settled back at the protest site. We will head back as soon as I can issue more press releases about my importance. I have vowed to sit on Cindy to make that happen.]

We will be back soon.

[I’ll be back as soon as I revel in my press releases.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
9:30 PM

Nine thirty at night and we are back at the encampment. It is deep-country dark out here. A sliver of moon sneaks out from behind the clouds, but the only real light comes from the occasional headlights and the strobing blue and red from the sheriff's bubble lights.

[Nine thirty at night and we are back at the encampment. I see sliver of someone mooning me. A firefly landed on my toe and I spotted the slight glimmer of heat lightning 10 miles away. Most comforting is the warm glow from my laptop screen.]

Conversations mutter along the sides of the road as the demonstrators prepare their tents and make plans for the morning. The crickets cree from the underbrush. I don't know where Cindy is right now. I assume she is in a tent herself, getting some rest.

[Conversations mutter along the sides of the road as the demonstrators are probably talking about ME. The crickets are cricking from the underbrush. And somewhere in the Panamanian jungle, a moth flutters its wings.]

Tomorrow will be interesting. Condi and Rummy are coming for a confab at some point. The police may well clear the road before that. On Friday, Bush is going down the road a piece for a fundraiser. We know how much he likes to see protesters, so if they don't clear is out tomorrow, they might the next day.

[Condi and Rummy and ME! I like the sound of that.]

The people out here are ready for whatever happens. The word people are using all through this site is "community." Everyone is taking care of everyone. A woman off in the dark to my left talking on a cell to her son, who is a soldier. From the sound of the talk, he supports her completely.

[The word people are using all through this site is “publicity.” Everyone is trying to hog the spotlight from everyone else. Must hit the internet uploads heavily tomorrow.]

This weird little triangle of road in the middle of nowhere has become the center of everything. The crickets could care less, but there it is.

[I have become the center of everthing. ME! The crickets could care less, but there it is.]

The folks here are having a press conference at ten thirty tomorrow morning. We will be here.

[The folks here are having a press conference at ten thirty tomorrow moring. We will be there. Never met a press camera I didn’t like.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
10:10 PM

The dark is complete and the activists are bedding down. We will be here early tomorrow. Until then, keep these folks in your thoughts and prayers.

[The dark is complete and the activists are bedding down. We will be here hogging camera time early tomorrow. Until then, keep me in your thoughts and prayers.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
10:40 PM

Camp rumor says there will be arrests made at midnight at the camp, so we are heading back. Stay tuned.

[Camp rumor says there will be arrests made at the camp, so we are heading back to the video cameras. Stay tuned to your cable channel.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
11:15 PM

We are back at the camp site and everyone is ready for the rumored arrests to come within the hour. The rain has begun again. I will let you know what transpires. Stay tuned.

[The rain has begun again. I will let you know what transpires with my black velvet Midnight Cowboy costume. Stay tuned to your cable news channel.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
11:20 PM

Spirits are high here despite the rain and arrest threat. Several campers are clustered together under a makeshift tent singing Thin Lizzy songs. People are still arriving.

[Several campers are clustered together in front of a makeshift video camera singing The Internationale. Cameras are still arriving.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
11:30 PM

A large flatbed tow truck has been spotted by the side of the road a couple of ranches down. There are a lot of reasons for a ranch to have something like that. Still, it is an ominous sign.

[A farm tractor has been spotted by the side of the road a couple of ranches down. There are a lot of reasons for a ranch to have something like that. Still it is an ominous sign. Hope the cameras are running.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
11:45 PM

A cop is here with spotlights blazing. He shined us, turned, and pulled to the side of the road.

[A cop mooned us and pulled to the side of the road. Oh, and a moth in Panama fluttered its wings.]

Wednesday 10 August 2005
11:55 PM

The cop split and all is quiet. I have never seen so many stars in the sky as I do here. The camp singing continues.

[I have never seen so many stars in the sky as I do here. Makes me think about how grateful I am to be the center of the universe.]

The cop went by again.

[The Panamanian moth fluttered its wings again.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
12:06 AM

Midnight has come and all is quiet. It looks like it was a camp rumor after all, and besides, it would be a political disaster.

[Midnight has come and no soundbites. DAMN! What a PR disaster.]

Going to stick around a while anyway. Not sure what that cop with the lights was trying to do. A Secret Service SUV went by a moment ago. It is totally dark and the land is flat, so no one can sneak up on the camp.

[Going to stick around with the peons anyway. Never can tell when a press camera will sneak up on the camp.]

I will report back when I know more. Meanwhile, the singing goes on.

[Meanwhile a moth in Panama flutters its wings.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
12:15 AM

The campers are making plans for what to do if the cops come in. No one is afraid.

[No one is afraid. (Please note my heroism about an event that hasn’t happened.)]

Thursday 11 August 2005
12:25 AM

The cop went by again. Hard to tell what his purpose is. They may well just be checking things out. Twenty-five minutes have passed since the alleged deadline. No warnings have been issued. The mood here is light. Bob, who was just on with Bernie Ward, has no intention of going anywhere.

[Ominous fluttering of a Panamanian moth’s wings. Mood here is light. We are not afraid.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
12:55 AM

Cindy has emerged, wrapped in a poncho, and the camp mood just lifted twenty feet off the ground.

[Cindy has emerged. Must get my goateed face in the camera frame with her.]

The debate happening now is what to do if they try to move people. Cindy says, standing next to me here, that she won't leave unless she is carried out. Everyone else says, "That's all I need to hear."

[The debate happening now is who gets to share face time on camera with Cindy.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
12:55 AM

[12:55 AM. I couldn’t even let a minute go by since the previous post before putting in my two bits again.]

It is close to one in the morning here, and the threat appears to have passed. Anyone who has been on edge over this should understand the tension. These folks are on the edge of things out here, and the cops plus the flat bed tow truck made for ominous feelings.

[These folks are on the edge of things out here. The tension is almost unbearable. Cops plus the farm tractor plus the fluttering Panamanian moth made for ominous feelings.]

Good news: Cindy will be on the cover of People Magazine. Time and Vanity Fair will interview her tomorrow. How many millions of readers do those magazines have?

[Good news: I might be in the background when Cindy is on the cover of People Magazine. Time and Vanity Fair will interview her tomorrow. Must make sure I get in the picture there too. How many millions of readers will see my big bad black velvet Midnight Cowboy hat?]

Lots of millions.

[I am feeling great urinations of joy in my black velvet Midnight Cowboy pants.]

To repeat, we are standing down for the time being.

[To repeat, I am standing in front of the cameras for the time being.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
1:10 AM

It is after one and the concerns have passed. We are packing it in for the night, again. Cindy is telling stories and the others are slowly drifting back to their tents.

[It is after one and the concerns have passed. No ominous flashing cop lights, farm tractors, or fluttering Panamanian moths.]

We will be here first thing in the morning for the arrival of Condi and Rummy and we will do this all over again.

[I will go in front of the cameras all over again…and again…and again…]

Question for the night: Who will get arrested first, Cindy or Osama?

[Question for the night. Who will get in front of the cameras first, Me or Osama?]

Thursday 11 August 2005
7:21 AM

The sun came up hazy this morning, with the sky divided between blue and high clouds. It feels like a hot one coming on, in more ways than one

[Another ominous sign. The sun rose in the east. Oh, and the sky is blue with clouds in it. Yet more ominous signs.]

I got a call from the campsite at five thirty this morning. Apparently, fourteen white Secret Service SUVs went blasting up the road. It was almost certainly either a security shift change or augmentation, but it made all the demonstrators cat-nervous.

[I got a call from room service at my luxury hotel suite this morning. They don’t have fresh squeezed orange juice. Just grapefruit juice. This change is making me nervous.]

We are getting coffee and are on the way in.

[We are getting coffee on our way in to Starbucks.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
8:19 AM

Light dawns on marble head. Those fourteen SUVs that went by were probably Condi and Rummy running the gauntlet, or the press corps getting delivered to the Bush house.

[…or my pizza being delivered to me.]

We are back at the site. A large contingent of military families is coming in, and the camp press conference is in about two hours.

[We are back with the peons. The camp press conference is in about two hours. Must practice leaping in front of the cameras.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
8:19 AM

An Iraq war veteran named Goodrich has arrived with his decorations and salad bar on his camo shirt. It is warming up.

[It is warming up. Who was the dumb shmuck who advised me to wear a BLACK velvet Midnight Cowboy hat?]

Thursday 11 August 2005
8:19 AM

The crowd here is growing exponentially as the sun gets higher. Lots of press and cameras, lots of tent moving and reorganization. The cars are stacking up. Old school organizers are teaching the younger folks how to do the do.

[My press releases are growing exponentially as the sun gets higher. Lots of press and cameras. Be still my beating heart!]

A big black pickup just came into the camp and is sitting here leaning on his horn. He was not being blocked. It went on for a good couple of minutes. The natives are getting restless.

[The natives are getting restless. Maybe the cause is my big black velvet Midnight Cowboy hat.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
9:15 AM

There is a smoking gun right here in camp.

[There is a smoking bong right here in camp.]

It has been reported that the US started bombing Iraqi sites well before the so-called diplomacy was completed, to deplete Iraq's war capabilities, and also to goad Saddam into a war. For many, this is prima facie evidence of a war crime.

[I want prima facie time in front of the video cameras.]

Tim Goodrich, Air Force veteran here in camp, participated in that bombing while in Iraq. We have an interview with him which will be up later today.

[We have an interview which will be online later today featuring ME with a wee bit of Tim.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
9:52 AM

There is a large gathering of press here waiting for the conference. Lawyers are here with Complaints to be filed regarding infringement of First Amendment rights. The cars keep coming and coming. Another convoy of cops and trucks just went slamming by.

[There is a large gathering of press here waiting for the conference. Wiping the drool stains off my shirt.]

Something very interesting is also about to happen. Can't write about it yet. Stay tuned.

[Something very interesting is also about to happen. I am about to gaze at my own navel from a new angle. Stay tuned.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
10:13 AM

There are six police cars stacked up down the road with their dome lights going. Methinks our distinguished visitors may be on the way.

[There are six police cars stacked up down the road with their dome lights going. The farm tractor just backfired ominously.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
10:18 AM

The police have brought in a health inspector. Maybe they think campers are pooping on private property. Not happening. Everyone goes to the Peace House.

[The police have brought in a health inspector. Will he condemn my underpants?]

Thursday 11 August 2005
10:25 AM

The health inspectors are poking around in every tent, backed up by the sheriff and a deputy. They are surrounded by clicking cameras.

[The health inspectors are poking around in my underwear. They are surrounded by clicking cameras. Hope those cameras don’t give me an embarrassing schwing alert.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
10:47 AM

I am destroyed. Cindy and the other families of the fallen just had their press conference. By the end, all were weeping. All denounced the war, Bush, and demanded the troops be brought home. It ended with these families just holding each other, surrounded by flowers and cameras, to the side of the Arlington West cemetery that has been erected here.

[I am destroyed. A full 22 minutes went by since my last blatant self-promotion. By the end, I was weeping. Must vow never to let that happen again.]

We will get our footage of this up as soon as we can.

[We will get footage of my self-promotion up as soon as we can.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
10:55 AM

I walked in the grass and my feet got attacked by fire ants. I am hating Texas right now.

[I sat in the grass and my ass got attacked by fire ants. I am hating Texas right now.]
Thursday 11 August 2005
11:54 AM

We are back at the hotel to get our video uploaded, and so I can put some stuff on the forty fire ant bites my feet will be taking home as a souveneir. Ouch.

[We are back at the hotel to get room service and our video uploaded, and so I can put some stuff on the forty fire ant bites on my ass. Ouch.]

Today was the biggest day of this event so far. I am not sure how the whole health inspector thing is going to shake out, but the sheriff has said to several reporters that no arrests are planned. We will see if that holds true.

[Today was the biggest day of this event so far. I was able to upload the most stuff about myself.]

Back soon.

[Back soon to promote myself.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
1:41 PM

A letter is floating out from some right-wing radio host allegedly from Casey Sheehan's godmother, which has been signed by "various grandparents and cousins" etc. The letter attacks Cindy and says the family stands with Bush. I am heading back to camp and will ask her about it. The letter is signed Cherie Quarterolo.

[I am going to ask Cindy if she has any fascist Freeper relatives.]

Sounds like some crap. The swift boating of Cindy begins.

[Sounds like some crap. I fear the swift booting of me out of Crawford before I can get more video face time.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
2:26 PM

We are on the road back to the site after stopping for some supplies. I will get answers to this relatives letter thing, and also to catch up on the thing I couldn't report on before. Basically, several Iraq vets were going to walk up to the ranch gate to see if they could talk to someone inside.

[We are on the road back to the site after stopping for some room service. I will get talking points to this relatives letter thing and catch up on more camera time again.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
3:35 PM

Barry Crimins is here. Got damn.

[Barry Crimins is here. Got damn more face time on camera than I did.]

The soldiers who did the walk-up aren't around right now. Cindy's spokesman is likewise unavailable because his wife is suffering heat stroke. I will catch up on the letter thing and get a statement when I can. I know they are aware of it.

[Where are my talking points about the letter thing?]

The cars parked along the side of the road are stretching beyond view, and more are coming. The crosses in the Arlington West cemetery stretch nearly as far. Everyone is settling in for the remains of another day here in the ditch.

[Everyone is settling in for the remains of another day here in the ditch. Hope the A/C is working properly in my hotel suite.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
3:54 PM

It is hot, damned hot. But there are guitars going and songs are being sung. The press truck with the satellite is still here. The fire ants have hopefully gone to hell where they belong. And the line of crosses stretches further down the road.

[It is hot, damned hot. The Press truck with the satellite is still here. I’m still drooling over that sight despite the fire ants who have gone up my ass where they belong.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
3:59 PM

The port-o-potty has arrived. And there was great rejoicing.

[The port-o-potty has arrived. And my ant-bitten ass was rejoicing.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
4:11 PM

I think I am going to be on with Randi Rhodes at 4:30 Texas time. Tune in.

[I think I am in love with myself. I am going to be on with Randi Rhodes at 4:30 Texas time. Tune in. And love me too!]

Thursday 11 August 2005
5:06 PM

Another sudden influx of cars and again this quiet, desolate spot endures a traffic jam.

[Another sudden influx of cars and again this quiet, desolate spote endures a traffic jam of glory hounds.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
5:22 PM

I may sound like a bit of a heretic saying this, but I have a rogue nerve tingling a concern right now.

[I have a French tickler tingling me a warning. I may be lost in the shuffle despite all my self-promotion.]

Until today, the group here was relatively small, everyone knew each other and everyone was entirely on the same page.

[Until today, the group here was relatively small, everyone knew each other and I was able to easily hog plenty of camera time.]

Now there are a bunch of new folks here, and they all mean well, but a number of them appear to be interested in dragging the whole thing towards whatever other cause inspires them.

[Now there are a bunch of new glory hounds here dragging the cause away from ME.]

There is Pamphleteer Guy with his anti-theocracy newspaper buttonholing everyone he can find to buy his paper. There are the young radicals who are arguing with themselves about what actions they can take, whether or not those actions have anything to do with Cindy.

[There are young radicals here arguing about things other than ME. And Pamphleteer Guy---Get out of my camera viewfinder!]

There is nothing wrong right now. I just hope the people who have just come, and the people on the way, remember to be down for the main cause that started this. It would be a real tragedy if this turned into an ANSWER rally, with everyone rocking their own rallying cry. Right now this is laser-focused. It needs to stay that way.

[It would be a real tragedy if this turned into something other than my self-promotion.]

It is a good thing this has gotten big. Don't get me wrong. But if you're coming, pledge to stick to the main tent.

[If you’re coming, pledge to stick to what this is all about---ME!]

Thursday 11 August 2005
5:35 PM

A couple of coming events. There will be a rally at the Crawford Peace House on Saturday, details to be announced. On Sunday, there will be a meditation/interfaith service at the House at 1:30PM.

[A couple of coming events. There will be a warm mud bath at my hotel followed by a foot massage. On Sunday, room service will bring up a buffet breakfast.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
6:34 PM

Update: the Saturday rally at the Peace House will be at noon, Texas time.

[Update: the Saturday foot massage at my hotel will be at noon, Texas time.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
6:49 PM

The sun is finally beginning to set behind a small line of trees, and the crowd has begun to thin out. The official count for today's gathering was 705, not counting press. Given the fact that we are in a drainage ditch by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, that is a great number.

[The sun is finally beginning to set behind a small line of trees. In the West. Could be another ominous sign. Given the fact that we are in a drainage ditch by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, that is a great incentive to split from the peons here for my hotel suite with the A/C and room service.]

Thursday 11 August 2005
7:55 PM

The sun is almost gone and the sky has turned a deep pure blue. Most of the crowd is gone, leaving the hard core behind to stand the watch as they have done all week. I am going to start saying my goodbyes to these remarkable, heroic people.

[The sun is almost gone and the sky has turned a deep OMINOUS pure blue. Most of the crowd is gone, leaving the hard core of dopes behind to stand and watch me return to my luxury hotel suite.]

I will post some final thoughts in a bit. If something else happens, I will of course post it.

[I will post some final overly melodramatic self-promotion in a bit after I try to grab some more camera time.]