DUmmie FUnnies 08-09-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Models Midnight Cowboy Outfit For Texas Trip)
If you have ever seen the movie, Midnight Cowboy or seen certain denizens of Times Square late at night decked out in their urban version of what they think are Western clothes, then you have a good idea of the outfit that Pied Piper Pitt is wearing on his trip to Texas in order to grandstand for the cameras in yet another desperate attempt to draw attention to himself. Take a look at the Pitt pic modeling his tush in clothes no real cowboy would be caught dead wearing in this THREAD titled, “So do I look ready for Texas?” Um… No, Pitt. You’re not ready for Texas but you are definitely ready to sell your hiney on Times Square sometime after midnight. So let us laugh at Pied Piper Pitt’s voyeuristic fashion fantasies in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thinking that even Ratso Rizzo, looked more manly than Pitt, is in the [brackets]:
So do I look ready for Texas?
[Yes. You do look ready to enter the bathroom of a seedy Texas bathhouse, Pitt.]
Car, hotel, flight, directions, all set. Oh...and I've got my hat, too.
[And don’t forget your jar of petroleum jelly.]
You'll need a six pack and a pistol with you as well. I think it's a state law that all drivers have these items with them at all times.
[Pitt will need that pistol to protect himself from the REAL Texans who will want to lynch him for wearing that cowboy wannabee outfit that looks like it was designed by Truman Capote.]
Don't forget your suncreen!
Don't forget the boots
[These boots are made for stalking…]
Getcher ass over ta Shepler's and pick up some pointy boots.
[Yes. Pitt will certainly get some pointy boots in his ass.]
yankee all over, who you foolin, lol
[Apparenly no one. Pitt will be laughed at the moment he crosses the Texas state line wearing that Midnight Cowboy outfit.]
They're gonna think you're Tim McGraw. Get a long-legged blonde to go with you and you'll get more attention than you ever dreamed of.
[Since Roy is gone, Siegfried is available as a long-legged blonde.]
Not sure about Texas ...but if I were you I'd steer clear of Mississippi looking like that!
[I’d steer clear of this planet looking like that.]
Like a Mass Ave. Cowboy.
[Like an Ass Ave. Cowboy.]
Wanna borrow my spurs? They jingle jangle jingle and have very big rowels. Ohhhh, you would be so HOT!
[It sounds like you want Pitt to jingle your jangle in the George Maharis Memorial Restroom.]
the pistol sounds like a good idea too
[It sounds like you want to be around when Pied Piper Pitt’s Pistol shoots off.]
I don't know how to write it but whoo aah! I'm so happy I'm so happily married. You're a dangerous single person.
[Who performed your marriage ceremony? Mayor Newsome?]
Not bad, but lose the earing if you want to be taken seriously..
[Better yet, lose both earrings.]
or add a construction guy and a policeman...
cute enough to kiss
[Is that you, Mayor Newsome?]
With respect to the pricky sticky stuff...I'd advise leather shoes. Opuntia and sand burrs play hell with sneakers.
[You’re gonna get Pitt all aroused talking about prickly sticky stuff.]
Now call yourself "Billy Ray Pitt" and you're all set.
[Better yet, call yoursel “Willie Sway Pitt.”]
How's your drawl!
[Not quite as good as his lisp.]
Recommend a stick of Itch-X for the Fire Ant bites…
[With that outfit, I’m sure Pitt will find a stick to scratch his itch.]
Is this for some kind of homosexual rodeo?
[And this DUmmie wins a Kewpie doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity.]
Dude, Where in the Hell is YOUR toothpick?
[Down by the seat of his pants.]
You look ready to join the Village People! Do you have chaps?
[Pitt’s Chaps are the Chaps in the Village People.]
Be still my beating heart .....you look hot WP...definitely ready!
[Is that you, Tennessee Williams?]
You should have shorts, bluejeans are to hot, a strawhat, and you don't
need cowboy boots.
[Just bikini briefs and a cowboy hat along with flip-flops are all Pitt needs.]