DUmmie FUnnies 07-29-05 ("Clinton 2008 -thump the Bible baby, pull that Democratic lever my children")

Remember during the Democrat presidential primaries when Howard Dean cynically decided to use the “Jesus Strategy” on the campaign trail to tell voters how much he loved Jesus in order to gain votes for himself? That routine worked about as well as John Kerry putting on an Elmer Fudd duck hunting outfit in order to attract the votes of Ohio gun owners. YEAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! The public can easily see through such antics which always end up BACKFIRING on candidates who try to exploit them. However, the DUmmies NEVER learn as you can see in this THREAD titled, “Clinton 2008 -thump the Bible baby, pull that Democratic lever my children,” which proposes that Hillary Clinton thump the Bible during her presidential campaign. Perhaps Hillary should also borrow her hubby’s giant sized bible that he carried temporarily while facing impeachment charges. For an added touch I recommend that Hillary also wear John Kerry’s Elmer Fudd duck hunting outfit. As usual the delusional DUmmie campaign proposals are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, looking forward to Hillary thumping, is in the [brackets]:

Clinton 2008 -thump the Bible baby, pull that Democratic lever my children

[Cynicism, thy name is Democrat.]

First of all, to those of you with a thinking heart, posit your your hopes in a centrist because it is the only road to the WH for the Democrats. As painful as that truth may be, just remember, no Democrat will sit in the WH without the tireless support of the left. Please, no one be a spoiler. What I am about to say may be shocking but I believe this simple tweak will put a Democrat in the WH. Please keep an open mind and keep in mind your blood pressure. The republicans have stolen the Bible for themselves and America needs to take it back. Our next candidate must take the Bible back for all Americans.

[A simple tweak. Just cynically start thumping the Bible and the American public can be fooled like idiots. Somehow it worked NOT for Howard Dean.]

The Bible, as a book, is the rocket away best seller of all time. The Bible is a printing industry within itself. Millions read it. Millions believe it is the word of god. Why not contest the republicans as "The Official Party of God". Republicans like to point out gay issues as anti-god while the ten commandments are definitely anti-Karl Rove.

[Oh yes. It was commandment #7 that stated, “Thy shall not follow the false lead of Karl Rove.” Or was it commandment #8?]

How can this get done? How can we take the Bible's exclusive rights away from the republicans? By having Hillary Clinton open up in a public talk and say, "THIS IS MY BIBLE AND NO ONE IS GOING TO GET BETWEEN ME AND MY BIBLE. AND NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE MY BIBLE AWAY."

[“YOU CAN TAKE MY BIBLE WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS.”]

She can say this and totally give permission to alot of religious people to vote for Democrats. Some religious people think that Democrats have a plot to get rid of Bibles by suing people who preach from the anti-gay portions of the Bible. They fear civil lawsuits and maybe even jail time for holding on to their Bible-based beliefs. By Hillary saying "no one is going to get between me and my Bible", she is telling the fat ass falwells that she doesn't need their analysis of the Bible to glean out the good stuff. When she says, " no one is going to take away my bible", that is code for no one is going to get sued for their Bible-based faith.

[The problem is that Hillary can’t lie as convincingly as her hubby. She can thump his oversized Bible but it will immediately come off as completely PHONY… Which is why I hope Hillary takes your dopey suggestion. And now let us hear from the Amen Chorus of the rest of your fellow DUmmies.]

shit, I could go for this as I am so damn desperate to get back my country. gawdammit!

[Gawdammit, Hillary! I urge you to cynically thump the Bible if it means winning.]

Hey, whatever works. I'm just sick of republicans blowing up innocent children in Iraq and then have the gall to point out obscure points in the Bible related to gays. It is SHEER POLITICAL STUPIDITY TO ALLOW REPUKES BE SANCTIMONIOUS FRAUDS IN 2008.

[Perhaps Hillary could thump a Bible that has the chapters about Sodom and Gomorrah edited out.]

You still can't ignore the reality...that if Hillary is the nominee, the Religious Right will mobilize against her in *DROVES* in red states.

[No, no. I say nominate Hillary. The public will be completely fooled by Hillary’s cynical and obviously exploitative Bible ploy.]

I think Hillary can get the job done. She has enemies on all sides and still disdainfully moves on and succeeds. She will be an unstoppable avalanche and the fears of the right will prove to be well founded while the fears of the left will prove to be right-wing mind tricks.

[Yes. Hillary can pull off the Bible thumping trick. The public will have NO idea that they are being cynically exploited.]

When she lurches to the right, and then to the left, and back to the right...it looks like she's insincere and inconsistent.

[Really? I never knew that.]

When a neocon mentions it, have the Dem say, "I don't read it, I live it." Done and done.

[DUmmie and DUmmier.]

I'm a polytheist. I believe there are a multitude of deities in existence throughout our universe.

[The Moon God says you’re a Moon Bat.]

Along with that, our candidate ( not necessarily Hillary) could add that "In MY bible, it tells me whatever you do to the least of us you do to me!" Then launch into the Dem proposals. I think it could work WELL!

[Oh, yes. YOUR Bible. The Democrat Party version. Instead of Psalms, it is filled with DNC talking points.]

Bush and Rove may go to Washington but will not go to heaven unless they repent from all their sinning.

[Let me guess. The ONLY way for them to repent from all their sinning is to obey the DNC talking points to the letter.]