DUmmie FUnnies 03-11-05 ("Chris Heinz for Senate in PA!!!)
When rumors spread a couple of months ago that Chris Heinz was thinking of running for Congress, we all thought it was hilarious since Chris has spent his entire life doing exactly NOTHING except act as a wealthy paperweight. Now comes word of something that overshadows even that in HILARITY content. It is that Chris Heinz might run for the U.S. Senate as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD titled, “Chris Heinz for Senate in PA!!!” Hey, Dummiecrats! Why not go all the way and start promoting a Chris Heinz ’08 presidential run? You would have the nation in stitches from all the laughter. As usual, the DUmmie posts excited at the idea of a Chris Heinz senate campaign are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, laughing at the prospect of a Senator Chris Heinz, is in the [brackets]:
One possible pro-Roe entrant into the race: Chris Heinz, son of Republican Sen. John Heinz, who was killed in plane-helicopter collision in 1991. Chris Heinz campaigned widely last year for his stepfather, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry.
[HOORAY!!! After a lifetime of idle slothfulness, young Chris Heinz might finally get himself a job.]
If Chris doesn't run for the Senate then he should run for Melissa "Missy" Hart's House seat. She's a Bush Brown Noser of the highest order.
[Or maybe he could run for the White House. Hey, we got to give the poor kid something to do after all these years of doing nothing.]
Wonder if Chris Heinz needs party backing...3-way in PA??? Just curious, if the Dem leadership in PA has already decided on Casey, and Santorum is the obvious GOP candidate, what would happen if Chris Heinz ran as an independent...how would that poll?
[Chris Heinz won’t run as an independent. Didn’t you see a news report description of him as a prominent Democrat leader?]
Chris Heinz would be able to beat Santorum.
[Yeah, Chris Heinz is a real political powerhouse in Pennsylvania….. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!]
A DUer in the Senate
[True. Chris Heinz is REGISTERED DUmmie. If Heinz runs for the senate I shall feature him as DUmmie of the Year.]
He should run for Hart's seat or Lt. Gov.: Casey is a good guy, a good Democrat, and also campaigned hard for his step-father. Casey's a liberal populist. The kind of Democrat that can beat Rick Santorum. Heinz is a promising politician, and one whose time will come, but Bob Casey is in a much better position to beat Santorum. Hart is the next Santorum, so running against her would be a good thing to do. Lt. Gov. Katherine Baker Knoll really should be challenged in the primary, but many of the potential candidates for that position have fizzled out. Heinz would be a good candidate for that job.
[This is starting to sound like an employment agency for Chris Heinz. Can he be placed in the senate? Not to worry. If that job doesn’t open for him we can always find placement for him as a Lt. Governor. Oh, and Chris, don’t worry about all those blank spaces on your form where it says, “Previous Employment.”]
Agreed. Casey has more experience. Heinz should start lower.
[Below a Senator but no lower than Lt. Governor. We need to start Chris Heinz out at a good entry level position for his FIRST JOB.]
wouldn't it be kind of odd working in the same place as step dad? he should run for house of rep if he wants to run for public office first. and maybe later for Senate.
[House of Reps is a good starting job for Chris Heinz but definitely not any lower than Lt. Governor.]
Please run, Chris! I will send a donation!
[Chris Heinz has so much money he should be sending you a donation.]
Me too! Hear that, Chris? Your warchest is starting already. He's got it all and I could really get behind him as the Dem candidate.
[Chris Heinz is heir to a billion bucks and DUmmies want to send HIM money???]
I'll give you my money, my time and my vote. Whether you campaign for the PA seat in the US Senate or in the House, I will support your candidacy. PENNSYLVANIA NEEDS YOU, CHRIS.
[Give to the billionaire until it hurts.]
Chris Heinz is HOT HOT HOT!!!! He would be ADORABLE to look at on TV. This lady approves!!!! PLEASE RUN CHRIS!!!!!
[Yes! PLEASE RUN CHRIS!!!!! The comedy material would be LIMITLESS!!!]
I'd love to see him run for Hart's seat . . .There's no doubt in my mind that Chris could be a great senator someday, but he probably needs to get a little more political experience and pay some dues before jumping to that level. I hope Chris does decide to run for something because, from what I've seen, he's a very intelligent and well-spoken person. BTW, Chris, are you here lurking among us? What are your thoughts?
[Chris Heinz is probably thinking what it will be like to have a job for the first time in his life.]
I agree! He came to Harvard to speak to students, and in the Q+A thing, I asked "Has anyone ever told you that you look like JFK Jr?" He lauched into this huge story about how the answer was yes, and how he dated gwenyth paltrow
[An intellectual heavyweight that Chris Heinz is but to reach the stature of JFK, Jr., he needs to date Darryl Hannah or Sharon Stone.]