Friday, January 07, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 01-07-05 (DUmmie Doohickie Gives Up On "I Believe")

I’ve given Li’l Beaver the day off since I want to feature the poster girl of DUmmie Despair in this edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. The gloom in DUmmieland has even reached the eternally optimistic DUmmie Doohickie who is now walking away from his “I Believe” threads as the harsh events of yesterday splashing against his face has caused even him to briefly wake up to reality. Too bad. I was sort of counting on reading his “I Believe” threads right up to Inauguration Day. Let us now look at DUmmie Doohickie’s third “I Believe” THREAD which starts out on its typically overoptimistic note early Wednesday morning and ends rather ingloriously today. As usual the DUmmie fantasy projections are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, bidding adieu to DUmmie Doohickie, is in the [brackets]:


I believe Kerry will be inaugurated on Jan 20.

I am Doohickie, and I approve this message.

[Hee! Hee! Little does DUmmie Doohicke realize but he has only a little over a day left of “I Believe.” But let us know read the progression of his fall from belief.]

Right beside you! I believe! DU Believe? I DU Believe!

[I Believe that you are too DUmb not to believe…..until Thursday.]

I do still believe, and the closer we get to January 6th, the MORE I believe.

[Work hard on creating your own reality. Better work overtime on that.]

If the Red Sox can come back from 3 loses to win the ALCS, if they can break an 86 year curse, if the Sox can do it....why the hell not Kerry.... I believe

[At least you have presented a scientific argument rich with constitutional knowledge.]

I believe too!!! Clearly John Kerry is biding his time... And he will come out when the 1st Senator (Obama?) speaks out. Kerry always had integrity and he is clearly playing a wise waiting game. I think that when the trickle of officials finally get off their duffs and call a Rose a Rose and summarize and document the proof of the election Fraud, JK and JE will come out from the shadows to announce their (sad) duty to take the Presidency (and VP) that has been "thrust upon them by the electorate." I can almost hear his "more in sorrow than in anger" speech as he steps up to accept his rightful place as the duly elected President of The United States.

And I can FINALLY breathe freely, since I will AT LAST be able to breathe the air of a Free Country under its DULY AND FREELY ELECTED President. Of course, on Jan 6 (and then Jan 20), I will be able to enjoy the agony of those Rightist/self-Righteous SOBs who have been so arrogant since the election they tried to steal.

[I need to check my hearing. Somehow I just didn’t catch that historic “more in sorrow than in anger speech” yesterday as Kerry stepped up to accept his rightful place as the duly elected President of the United States.]

Sorry, but Bush won this one and nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, will alter that fact. There is no way whatsoever that Kerry will be inaugurated on January 20. Believing he will is setting yourself up for a major letdown.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL! How dare you rain on our feel-good “I Believe” parade?!!!]

Will you please stop peeing in my cornflakes??
Honestly, Walt - you've made it perfectly clear how you feel. Why do you feel the need to come into a thread which you obviously disagree with in order to make negative comments and attempt to stir up trouble? Why not start your own thread "I don't believe." See how many responses you get.

[Hmmm….. Now I know why my cornflakes have been tasting a mite salty lately.]

Why the huge effort to discourage, demoralize, and derail us on thread after thread? Is this his idea of working together for a common cause?

[I agree. DUmmie Walt Starr needs to learn to ignore reality like the rest of us.]

Sorry, B*sh stole this one too. Jim Crow voter disenfranchisement, precincts with over 95% voter turnout, disappearing and appearing votes, magically altered exit poll data, tens of thousands of voter complaints, partisan controlled voting equipment, voting machine techies confessions, and democratic office break-ins before election day can all be discounted because Saint B*sh stole it and will never give it back.

[And yet somehow absolute NONE of this “vote fraud” has been proven. It just shows how cleverly Karl Rove covered his tracks.]

the I believe thread is more important now than ever.

[In the same way the towel is to Linus.]

I believe

I believe that I am 100% certifiably sane, non-delusional, reasonably intelligent and informed.

I believe that what everyone here at DU is saying about the dysfunctional election process in America is rational, realistic, constructive and patriotic.

I believe that tough questions must be asked now, that our representatives must be held accountable now, that we must not accept these absurd and destructive abuses anymore.

I believe it is we who have a mandate now--to ensure free and fair elections in America.

I believe that the system must bend to accomodate a new demand for ethics, honesty, and responsibility in business and government.

I believe we are at the dawning of a new day.

[Since you posted this on Wednesday, I believe you are in for a big disappointment on the next day. Of course, this is only a wild guess on my part.]

I *B*E*L*I*E*V*E* TOO! I believe tomorrow is going to be verrrry interesting! I believe John Kerry knows exactly what is going to happen, and he needs to be elsewhere, because
I believe it's gonna get ugly.

[I believe that all is going according to Kerry’s crafty game plan.]

I BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!! Man, am I in a great mood today! Either the meds have kicked in or KERRY WON OHIO!!!!!!!

[Trust me. It’s the meds kicking in.]

I never have lost faith that Kerry would be inaugurated President 44. My doubt is as to the date. I'd love for it to be January 20 when the town is decked out in regalia for the shrub but have a feeling that it will be February 21. For this reason, I haven't bought my plane ticket yet.

[Don’t spend that money too quickly.]

I'm FINALLY beginning to feel optimistic again!
As Mr. Pitt pointed out, We are as many as are the stars in the sky and the grains of sand on the beach-I believe that we've been heard!!

[I believe you will be following Pied Piper Pitt over the cliff.]

I BELIEVE. Today will be a great day in this nation's history. I am so blessed to be able to spend it with all of you believers

[Ah! So it’s Thursday now. The day Kerry will be officially recognized as the victor. I BEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]

WE DID THIS, everybody. WE MADE THIS HAPPEN! I believe in Barbara Boxer! I believe in John Kerry! I believe in democracy! I believe in DU!

[So it’s a done deal? President Kerry? I BEEEEELEEEEVE!!!]

yep we did! it we did it! I believe


I believe... this thread is done.

[Huh? It’s 3:41 PM Thursday. You mean to say that Kerry isn’t going to be our President? How could that be?]

I still believe. I just got out of work and haven't heard any news. I see a lot of good posts by people I respect, so it must have been a good day.

[YES! Kerry has been officially declared the victor! WOO! HOO! But a piece of advice---DON’T watch the news.]

Does anyone still belive this?

[Of course. I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE! But now let us hear the originator of the “I Believe” threads, DUmmie Doohickie. He will set us straight with an uplifting speech. Take it away, Doohickie!!!]


...that the election is over. I held out hope as long as I could. I appreciate the faith in and support of Senator Kerry in this thread, but I can no longer say I believe that he will be inaugurated on Jan. 20.

Congratulations on the perseverance you've all demonstrated, but apparently Senator Kerry's concession speech was the real deal.

I've enjoyed these threads, but it is now time to move on to dealing with a second term of W. I urge you all to shine as Americans, and try not to think about partisan politics, but rather think of what you can do to make America great, then go out and do it.

I've debated as to whether I should just slink away from this thread or to make my own little concession speech, and decided to go with the latter. Again, thanks for supporting the cause of the Democratic Party, and Senator Kerry's candidacy. Use that fervor and passion discovered during the recent campaign to make a difference- in your community and in your country.

I think Senator Kerry will continue to work behind the scenes to uncover any injustice that occurred on Election Day, and will also do his best to serve his constituents and the nation at large. In that sense, he still has our back.

Until next time, this is Doohickie, signing off. Adios.

[Alas poor Doohickie, I knew him well.]


Blogger Icarus said...

Jesus Christ, man. That one should have come with a warning label. I think I literally busted a gut laughing.

Note to PJ: you need to immediately start a DUmmie thread Hall of Fame, and this one gets in first.

Who ARE these people? Are they real? Are you kidding? People spouting off about aliens and Elvis and JFK and Bigfoot sound more rational!

Usually I giggle at your snarky comments - but today the best parts were THEM! For the first time I actually hurried over to DU to read the WHOLE thread, and every word was hilarious.

Keep up the good work.

And a final note to any DUmmies reading: you people should at least consider setting up a PayPal account and taking donations for providing this level of entertainment. You're amazingly funny. The BEST part is that you consider yourselves intelligent and "reality-based."

THAT is funny. God. My sides.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Icarus said...

PJ- PLEASE go to this thread immediately and cut and paste some of the pictures the DUmmies posted of their DUmmie protestor friends.

They are WONDERFUL. If you missed them, go look. It looks like convention of late 1960's granola-crunching flower children about half a century too late. It's awesome!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Icarus said...

Last comment and I promise to leave you alone:

If you missed it, consider using this thread:

The original post is rational, logical, insightful. The guy hit it right on the head.

And, of course, was immediately accused of being one of your "lousy freeper trolls."

The original post isn't funny --- but so many of the hateful, delusional responses are hilarious!

Over and Out.


6:16 PM  
Blogger Icarus said...

Last comment and I promise to leave you alone:

If you missed it, consider using this thread:

The original post is rational, logical, insightful. The guy hit it right on the head.

And, of course, was immediately accused of being one of your "lousy freeper trolls."

The original post isn't funny --- but so many of the hateful, delusional responses are hilarious!

Over and Out.


6:29 PM  
Anonymous Doohickie said...

Well, I guess I'm famous in Freeperland. Glad you all had a chuckle at my expense.

11:48 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home