Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Scuba DU, We'll Call You!

Think of all the little DUmmies, sitting in their mother's basement, dreaming of doing something BIG for The Cause. Such an eager beaver (no offense, Li'l Beaver) is DUmmie Scuba. He has offered his services to Head DUmmie Skinner as a sort of volunteer technical consultant, and he's trying to enlist other DUmmies to sign on with him, as we see in this THREAD, "Dear Skinner, We the Undersigned DU Members..."

Love the enthusiasm, Scoobs! However, I'm not sure you've thought this thing through all that well. But then, that's what makes you a DUmmie! The DUmmies often do this sort of thing, get some grandiose plan--well, it's not thought out well enough to call it a "plan"--they get some wild idea and rush ahead with it, convinced it will help save the world, without first gaining the necessary popular support or having a well-defined strategy. (In other words, like Obomber attacking Libya.)

So let us see how far DUmmie Scuba gets with forming his volunteer technical corps. But hey, if this thing's gonna take off, it's got to have a NAME, a la the wildly successful "Democratic Underground Activist Corps" (DUAC). So what shall we call it? Hmmm . . . "Geeks Without Borders"? No, that would be GWB, and that would be bad. How about PUTA, "Progressive Underground Technical Activists"? No, these are more than mere "Activists". . . . Wait, I've got it! PUTZ, "Progressive Underground Technical Zealots"! Yeah, PUTZ, that's it!

Will Scuba's idea take off with a blast like DUAC? Or will The Powers That Be tell the self-appointed PUTZ, "Don't call us, Scuba DU, we'll call you"? The unfolding drama below will be in Techie-color Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, wondering if PJ the snorkeler has ever gone SCUBA diving, is in the [brackets]:

Dear Skinner, We the Undersigned DU Members...

[Ooh, it looks like an open letter or an online petition! Addressed to Head DUmmie Skinner, no less! Let's read on . . .]

…certify ourselves to have competency . . .

[DUmmie Scuba is certified . . .]

…certify ourselves to have competency in project management, web development / hosting, or other technical skills . . .

[If you are looking for donations to DU, Skinner, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.]

and further, that we wish to apply these skills to help advance Progressive causes.

[We are PUTZ, Progressive Underground Technical Zealots!]

Therefore, we are prepared to volunteer hours to DU on an “as able” basis to help achieve the following . . .

[To achieve being an unnecessary, unwanted pain in the arse for the DUmmieland Troika of Skinner, EarlG, and Elad.]

Provide DU Members with auxiliary technical services to enhance the value of DU.

[I think you need to come up with a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL Detector.]

We are further committed to:

Coordinating our efforts with DU Moderators to ensure our efforts are consistent with the best interests of DU.

[In other words, pester Skinner, EarlG, and Elad.]

Signed (through replies)

[LOL! Scuba doesn't even HAVE anybody with him when he posts this dopey offer! The "Undersigned" are in his mind!]

Note to all from Scuba,

If this effort goes forward, I am offering my project management skills to help bring it to birth.

[Note to Scuba from all: Can you hear the crickets chirp?]

Should Skinner approve, I will begin collection of volunteers / skills info and coordinate the drafting of a Charter. I believe such group can function effectively under direction of a “steering committee”, made up of volunteers and DU Moderators.

[Ooh, a Charter and a "steering committee"! I'm impressed! Oh, wait, these things don't exist yet, do they? And, in point of fact, you don't have either approval or any volunteers yet either, is that correct?]

As for auxiliary services, I’m thinking of things like:

...unlimited, members-only picture and video hosting
...alerting and forwarding services
...a members-maintained wiki-like index / reference utility

[How about an alert service for stopping people with dopey ideas before they post them?]

As always, I welcome your thoughtful and reasoned replies.

[Well, you came to the wrong place for THAT!]

[So Scoobs has run his idea up the flagpole. Now let's see if anybody salutes . . .]

I am down with this

[DUmmie Vincardog diving in feet-first with Scuba!]

"advance Progressive causes" like what?

[Like being against the mad-bombing of some far-away nation by the Pres--no, wait, we're FOR that this time. . . .]

I saw a recent thread on the "litmus test" for progressives.

[1. Women's reproductive health choice to murder babies.
3. Universal health care for all, as long as I don't have to pay for it.
4. Hating Christians.
5. Punishing the rich.
6. White guilt.
7. Free everything.]

The only definitions I liked had to do with truth, science, and an engaged public.

[Speaking truth, science, and an engaged public TO POWER! (Hey, what about "justice" and "the American way"?)]

What is "alerting and forwarding services" ??

[I don't know, but it sounds good.]

Beats me. What do you want it to be?

[Scuba responds. He does not have a clue.]

Wasn't it your idea?

{Quit asking questions! You're hung up on details!]

I'm trying to stimulate ideas, not dictate what utilities are needed, but I can see a utility that alerts/forwards to me every post that includes the word "Wisconsin" or "poverty".

[Uh, Scuba, that's called "Search." DU already has one.]

I . . . do not use Facebook or Twitter. I suppose that will soon change if this is a go.

[Scuba, the self-appointed PUTZ, the self-certified technology maven, is not really "up" on all these newfangled gizmos.]

Way cool! Thanks!

[DUmmie bobbolink is a believer! Bobo the Hobo is down with this! She can do homeless technical advising from the back of her Buick!]

I don't think I'm down with this . . .

[DUmmie juajen is down ON this!]

I don't think I'm down with this, as I believe Skinner, Elad and others are very busy and this would make more work for them. I can appreciate your volunteering your services, but I honestly don't see the advantage.

[DUmmie juajen gets the Kewpie Doll, with special points for politeness!]

I would hope this would make their lives easier. If not it's DOA.

[It's DOA, Scoobs.]

I'm no good at any of those tech things listed in the OP

[Hey, that isn't stopping Scuba!]

nothing ever makes sense to me..

[The DUmmie Motto. Put it on their license plate frames. Engrave it on the archway over DUmmieland.]

some great ideas and a very generous, kind offer

[But. . . . I sense an unspoken "but."]

why would anyone unrec this?

[Because it's stupid? Just a thought.]

Its a trap.

[It's a brilliant PLOY by Scuba, to TAKE OVER DUmmieland! Gain technical access, sabotage the moderators' accounts, and RULE THE WORLD!]

Would it not have been far kinder to Skinner to have given him a chance to discuss this extremely generous offer in private communications before posting as a thread? Your "public" letter could very easily put him in the awkward and time consuming position of having to "publicly" decline your offer and explain why which might spawn even more questions etc. etc. etc.

[I'm very sorry, DUmmie Vinnie From Indy, but we have already awarded today's Kewpie Doll for a Brief Moment of Mental Clarity®. Sorry, play again next time!]

Locking...We appreciate the sentiment, but you'd do better to put this into the Ask the Admins forum as a place to start.

[Scuba DU, We'll Call You!]


Anonymous Corona said...


12:11 PM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

I certainly hope that his so called 'Project Management skills' are better than his communication skills.

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"to help bring it to birth."-DUmmie

Obama said you shouldn't be "punished" with a... What was this guy offering to do again?

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Gregory of Prescott said...

Dear Mr Henrickson & Mr. PJ,

I the undersigned would like to volunteer my time to read your witty commentary and laugh at the DUmmies. Other than that, I have a job and other stuff to do so... Anyway, if your ever in the neighborhood look me up. I know a tasty Brewery. -Greg

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Skully said...

I'm in IT...Think I'll apply for this under all my DU screen names; and see how many of me can get picked.

12:25 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home