"If Aliens Were to Land, What would You Do?"

I used to love to hand the Sci-Fi novel, "Venus On The Half Shell" by Kilgore Trout, off to people and act like it was a serious work. Then wait for their reactions as they read about space aliens who communicated by tap dancing and farting. A lot of them would take it completely seriously which really made me laugh. Anyway, the DUmmies have wandered into speculations about "If Aliens Were to Land. What would You Do?" as you can see in this THREAD. The results are equally hilarious. So let us now watch the DUmmies speculate about aliens landing on Terra in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if those aliens that the DUmmies spy in the sky aren't really Santa Claus and his reindeer, is in the [brackets]:

If Aliens Were to Land, What would You Do?

[Remove my Obama bumper sticker?]

Take up arms?

[Justice Breyer channeled James Madison and imagined that you DON'T have that right.]

Run and hide?

[In Ben Burch's rear cave?]

Get down on your knees and beg for mercy?

[Too late. Intergalactic forces have determined that all DUmmies in the universe MUST be wiped out.]

I welcome them to Earth then ask them to ZAP conservatives with their DEATH RAY!

[Until that time just have the FCC ZAP conservatives off the airwaves...and now from the internet.]

What if In their eyes, we are all too conservative?

[Invasion of the Bolshevik Aliens!!!]

If they turn out to be benevolent, I would ask them

1. what was up with all the cat and mouse over the years?

2. Do you have a "God"?

3. Why does everything exist? (maybe answered by #2)

[4. Is there life after birth?]

Make sure my ass is well-lubricated so their anal probes won't hurt so much.

[That MUST be Ben Burch.]

Apologize for the mess, and warn them about religious nuts who may feel compelled to attack, simply because they are so f*cking ignorant and faith based.

[And of course those religious nuts you are referring to are NOT Muslims who are really causing the problems.]

Wet my pants.

[Depends...on their intentions.]

Thank whatever deity deemed deserving for the chance that help to put down the PTB has arrived!

[Go for Goddess Gaia!]

They already did and I sang like a canary. Sold out the entire human race.

[LOL! You get credit for an INTENTIONALLY FUnnie line.]

... I would likely shit myself.

[But only AFTER wetting your pants. Proper etiquette must be observed.]

"Take me with you!"

[Sorry. Your spot on the spaceship has already been taken by Roy Neary.]

beg them to remove me from this shithole.

[No problem. They will gladly relocate you to North Korea.]

See what Michael Rennie had to say...then take it from there.

["Klatu DUmmie Nikto."]

Wonder how long it will take for their viruses to wipe us out.

[The reverse happened in "War of the Worlds."]

what if they turned out to be famous alien porn stars looking for some seriously strange?

[Then direct them to Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy.]