Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"Thats right. I got hired. I got a job."

A DUmmie got a job.

Okay, now that you've picked yourself up off the floor, don't call Ripley. You can believe it, it's true! Yes, a DUmmie got a job! DUmmie here_is_to_hope is the new prole, as he reports in this
THREAD, "Thats right. I got hired. I got a job."

Now of course this SHOULD call for a celebration of capitalism, free enterprise, and the private sector--all the things that produce jobs. But count on the DUmmies to not get so carried away that they forget their socialist cause. So let us now witness the inadvertent congratulations to capitalism, quickly countered by collectivist cautions, in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, back in St. Louis for a couple days between trips to SoCal and Chicago, is in the [brackets]:

Thats right. I got hired. I got a job.

[Bummer, dude! Your mom wanted some rent for your room in the basement?]

Its part time sure but it will fill up our bellies with food.

[Yay! More Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs! Michelle Obama be d*mned!]

I have to be up at 0300 to be at work at 0330.


I have to move 2400 lb. pallets of paper onto a truck and then deliver them.

[Pitt must have a new essay in the works.]

So? I can do that. I will do that.

[Watch that individual work ethic! Could be dangerous!]

Bills? Well, they are going to get paid!

[Careful! Personal responsibility could turn you into a FReeper!]

I just got home from the first day. My legs are tired, my eyes have boogers floating across the cornea's. . . .

[TMI !!!]

But I have a job. I am needed. Yay for me.

[A new taxpayer! Yay!]

For a bit of irony...two weeks ago, we jumped through all of the hoops and applied for TANF (welfare).

[Your "Temporary Assistance for Needy Families" is paid for by "Taxes Assessed on Nose-paying-through Freepers". . . . You're welcome.]

Yesterday was my first day of attending 'workshops' on how to find a job. Before I left for that humiliating session, I called about a job I saw on craigslist. Interviewed on the phone, offered the job in the afternoon, started this morning.

[So in other words, the government didn't get you a job; good old-fashioned private initiative did. Thanx for this inadvertent testimony to capitalism!]

TANF immediately issued me checks for boots, work clothes and gas money. Got to love the support. D*mn Socialist safety net.

[Capitalism gets you a JOB, socialism gets you a pair of boots, and you choose to celebrate . . . socialism??]

Oh, is this a great Country or what?

[Hooray for capitalism! . . . Oops! Sorry! . . . Now let's see what the teeming masses of (non-)worker ants have to say . . .]


[The welfare boots did the trick!]

I never understood why people think manual labor jobs are worth so much less, as they take so much more out of you than mental work. But then, I've always been a bit Socialist. . . .

[What a surprise! A Socialist in DUmmieland!]

Be careful with your tendons and joints. You could really hurt yourself and get tendonitis.

[If you do, smoke the joints.]

Be careful with your back. Wear the harness.


Your employer is very lucky to have you!!!

[The rotten capitalist pig is not worthy!!!]

Shades of "The Jungle":

"So his hands relaxed and he merely said quietly: 'It is done, and there is no use in weeping, Teta Elzbieta.' Then his look turned toward Ona, who stood close to his side, and he saw the wide look of terror in her eyes. 'Little one,' he said, in a low voice, 'do not worry--it will not matter to us. We will pay them all somehow. I will work harder.' That was always what Jurgis said. Ona had grown used to it as the solution of all difficulties--'I will work harder!' . . .

I'm sad that you are so happy.

[Boo! Down with working harder!]

Try to tuck a few bucks away so by the third paycheck you can treat yourself and family to a meal or a movie.

[A vegan buffet, followed by the Che biopic! FUn for the whole family!]

Congrats. Though...Id rather traffic drugs or steal from rich people than do what you describe.

[We all have our gifts.]

Best of luck and maybe someone here can give a little info on the proper way to lift stuff. . . .

[You mean shoplift?]

Energy sent your way.

[White light, good vibes, and everything else that avoids God!]

"Going to sleep well tonight for all of the right reasons." Amen.

[That was Will Pitt checking in. Wee Willie hasn't slept well since April 2005. Wee Willie hasn't had a job since early 2004.]

I have a dream--that one day everybody who's willing to do an honest day's work can get full-time employment with benefits and a living wage in the richest country in the world.

[Maybe if your socialists in Washington would stop trying to destroy business, we'd have more of those jobs.]



DO treat yourself to a night out, even if its just a movie. . . .

[Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story." Just in time for Valentine's Day.]

I always preferred physical work. Except gardening. . . .

[And lifting things. And bending.]

yay for socialist work boots.

[These boots are made for workin'
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots
Are gonna stomp on the head of our capitalist overlords . . .]

I hope you have a decent quitting time if you have to be there at 3:30.

[3:45. It's a union job.]

You, with your attitude are the REAL American!

[And well on your way to becoming . . . A LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I'm holding off on the "great country" part until millions of unemployed and underemployed people are as happy as you. . . .

[So work hard, make lots of money, pay exorbitant amounts of taxes, and we'll spread the wealth around for you!]

here's hoping your employer is smart enough to realize what a great find you are.

["Another prole to oppress and squeeze the life out of! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"]

Will someone please buy this man a drink???

[Don't look at Pitt!]

Yay for you!!!!

[Yay for job-creating capitalism! . . . Oopsie! Slipped again!]

And yes, this country is great!

[Stop it! Stop it! Let's get back to bashing corporatist AmeriKKKa!!!]

One more DUer announcing that they've found a job!

[That makes 14, at least!!]

[And now, one last check-in with DUmmie here_is_to_hope . . .]

Hi every one! Second day is done, had a blast. Not as tired as yesterday but every bit as happy. I received a company cell phone, keys and assorted handbooks, a pat on the back and a heart 'welcome aboard' so I am in!

[That does it, here_is_to_hope. You are now officially part of the private enterprise system, and as such, a target of the socialists in D.C. Sooo . . . any time you want to take the walk over here to FReeperville, you are more than welcome! We will greet you with open arms!]


Anonymous Shambhala said...

Amazed he hasnt said anything about joining a union, and wrestling control away from "The Man"

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

These are the people I'd love to talk to about death.

9:52 PM  
Anonymous Corona said...

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

9:54 PM  
Blogger Tazzerman said...

I'm laughing so hard I can't type!

Poor little DUmmie.. Has to actually get up and go to WORK!

OMG.. Not THAT!!

Reminds me of the scene in My Blue Heaven...

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So very telling that a DUmmie remarked he'd "rather deal drugs or steal from rich people" than do the OP's job.

Reading such a statement makes me channel my inner KayInMaine and... *spit!*

Parasitic wastes of space. Oxygen thieves. Village idiots. Every damn one of 'em over there. *spit*

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

"Congrats. Though...I'd rather traffic drugs or steal from rich people than do what you describe."

A life of crime bring preferable to a life of honest work. A DUmmie harboring Jessie James/Cheech and Chong fantasies.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Elrond Hubbard said...

Ooops! "bring" should be "being"

3:55 PM  
Anonymous troglaman said...

"Now of course this SHOULD call for a celebration of capitalism, free enterprise, and the private sector--all the things that produce jobs. But count on the DUmmies to not get so carried away that they forget their socialist cause." PJinc

Jesus. I've been hanging out with you dopes for years and years and yet there are STILL things muttered in the background that leave me mystified. I'm not saying YOU don't get it, I'm saying I, the humble (yet attractive) troglaman, don't get it.

Could someone explain PJ's statement to me? I don't think you can. It's a Rorschach. It's what you make it to be.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We know you "don't get it", troggy boy.
You never have, and never will.
Be a nice lad now, or I'll turn the "point monkeys" loose on you again.


2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am live in a socialist country and I earn a very good salary working for my government.
no need to celebrate capitalism

Mitt Karbit

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Mitt Karbit,
When the revolution comes, we plan on eating government workers.

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You're just another government drone, a parasite, really.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I, Mitt Karbit, don't know why you must eat me. Please but explain.

Is it American tradition to eat government workers, drones, parasites? If so, my cousin, Jarkov, give me cabdriver job. OK? Forget about Mitt Karbit. I am nothing.

2:41 AM  
Anonymous People's Front of DUdea said...


3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am nothing.


5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I am nothing.

Indeed." anon

Yes! I, Mitt Karbit, am small grain of sand. And there's been a mistake. It's not 'Mitt Karbit', it's 'Kitt Marbit'. Typo.

2:24 AM  

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