A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
The DUmmies ask: Who put the ISIS in CRISIS?
The Beaver is BACK! Li'l Beaver,
that is. Yes, that lovable, cigar-chomping mascot of the DUmmie FUnnies is here
to tell you: The DUFUs are back in business! After some months of
on-and-off-again editions, DUmmie FUnnies founder PJ-Comix and affable co-host
Charles Henrickson (yours truly) have decided to give it another go, just in
time for the midterm election season. As you'll recall, here at DUmmie FUnnies
we take an entertaining look at the Looney Left, particularly at the postings found
at Democratic Underground, the home of those wacky moonbats affectionately
known as the DUmmies.
PJ kicked things off yesterday,
September 22, which was the TENTH ANNIVERSARY of the first-ever, official,
stand-alone edition of the DUmmie FUnnies. From there, the DUmmie FUnnies
rapidly grew to be one of the most popular features on the internets. The Andy
Stephenson Situation, Pied Piper Pitt, Fitzmas Freudenschade, Trust-Fund Ted
and the Occupests, Know-it-all Nadin--the DUmmie FUnnies has been there to
chronicle it all. And now, as a Democrat Debacle looms likely in November, we
will once again get to witness the DUmmies go absolutely CRAAAAZY!
One of the traits of your average
DUmmie is that it thinks that everything that doesn't go their way is the
result of some vast right-wing conspiracy. For example, if Dan Rather falls for
forged memos, it's due to a Perfect Rovian Storm. If a Democrat loses an
election, it's Diebold fixing the machines. If Karl Rove hasn't been
frog-marched yet, it's because the indictment is still sealed. It's always
And so it is today, with this THREAD,
"Somebody sure wants me to hate ISIS." DUmmie Saboburns is wondering
out loud: Who put the ISIS in CRISIS? You see, it can't be because ISIS is an
evil, murderous organization that goes around beheading innocent people. No, it
must be a right-wing plot of some sort, brainwashing the 'Murican people into a
frenzy of hate, so that the Military-Industrial Complex can launch us into
another war. That must be it. Many of the DUmmies agree with DUmmie Saboburns,
but even those who think that's a little TOO wacky, they at least feel that we
'Muricans DESERVE to have our heads lopped off.
But before we get to the DUmmies,
let's sing this song that sums up the belief of DUmmie Saboburns. Click the
music link and sing along!
YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFULLY TAUGHT
(not to want to be beheaded)
To hate and fear Those who'd cut off your head From ear to ear It's got to be from A Rethuglican smear You've got to be carefully taught
You've got to be taught
To hate the guts Of people whose knives Make
murd'rous cuts It can't
be because They're
just evil and nuts You've
got to be carefully taught
You've got to be taught--
Those can't be your views! Those viewpoints were bought-- It must be the Jooos! They're
shaping your thought-- And there's
always Fox News! You've
got to be carefully taught!
So let us now take this voyage into
DUmmieland, where the rantings of the DUmmies are in Bolshevik Red, while the
commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel,
Charles Henrickson--wondering how Li'l Beaver spent his summer vacation--is in
Somebody sure wants me to hate ISIS
[Who put the ISIS in CRISIS?]
5 weeks ago I'd rarely/barely heard
[10 years ago you thought somebody
set up Dan Rather.]
5 weeks ago I'd rarely/barely heard
of ISIS. Now it's the most hated outfit on the planet.
[Except in DUmmieland, where the
most hated outfit is the racist Rethuglican Party.]
It certainly didn't take long to be
taught to hate them.
[Yes, DUmmie Saboburns, you've got
to be taught not to want to be beheaded. There can be no other explanation.]
And that makes me ponder a few
[Ponder away, DUmmie Saboburns,
while we hear from your fellow DUmmies . . .]
And we read, and we watched, all
the specially selected news...
[That's got to be it. And so,
somewhere, in some auto dealer's waiting room, Doug Bulna is disabling Fox News
on the television set and hiding the remote.]
They've beheaded Americans on
video. Why wouldn't you hate them?
[STOP! Stop, DUmmie woolldog!
You're making too much sense!]
We've obliterated hundreds of
Iraqi, Pakistani, Afghan and Yemeni children with our drone strikes. Why
wouldn't they hate us?
[It's our fault! We deserve it!]
So your solution is to allow them
to behead our citizens.
[Yes! Please! It's the least we can
Thankfully Obama has more sense
[Definitely. He doesn't get too
worked up over these things. Whenever he hears of another ISIS attack, Obama
beheading to the golf course.]
where have I heard this f***ing
bullsh*t before? Oh yeah... I remember now... ... it's precisely the same line
of lies used by George W Bush, Dick Cheney and company to drag us into Iraq in
the last gigantic f***up. You want to fight those people? Have at it, jump on a
plane and go do it. ON YOUR OWN F***ING DIME.
[Only a F***ING RETHUGLICAN like
Chimpy McBushitler or Darth Cheney would get so upset over Americans getting
The current situation in Iraq &
Syria is a direct result of the actions of the Bush Regime. ISIS would not have
existed without the invasion of Iraq. . . .
[In other words . . . everyone? . .
. BUSH'S FAULT!]
Ten yrs have gone by, and it's a
different world because of it.
[Ten years have gone by, and
DUmmieland is still the same.]
What reason do you have to think
this criticism of O administration is hate for him?
[Whenever anyone criticizes
President Obama, it can only be one thing: RACISM!]
Bombing ISIL will not prevent
beheadings, nor bring back those who are dead. Bombing ISIL will only make them
[Really, we should be bombing
ourselves. That may placate them.]
Obama is not demonstrating any kind
of prudence on this issue. He's being led by the nose.
We need to send them strongly
worded letters expressing our disapproval. If they still refuse to cooperate,
their name will be removed from the Secret Santa box.
[I detect a note of sarcasm.]
Consensus among the pro-war faction
here seems to be that Obama is attacking ISIL because the publicized beheadings
have left him no choice but to do so. If that is indeed true, then Obama is
committing both a grievous error and a war crime.
[IMPEACH OBAMA NOW! CHIMPY MCSAME!
TO THE HAGUE WITH HIM!]
Obama and Kerry are seeking to
unite the region...and the world...around a solution to a bad situation, of
which ISIS is only a part.
[John Kerry has Obama's back.
Doesn't that fill you with confidence?]
I call ISIS' worldview tribal
because it is. It's ummah versus everybody, with genocide as the goal (preceded
by "pacification" or Islamization by imposing the proper order on the
world--Islam on top, then others that have some revelation, and the destruction
or conversion of everybody else).
[But wait! I thought the Islamic
State in Iraq and Syria wasn't Islamic!? Dear Leader told us so!]
If you see a giant hill of manure, some cows
are nearby in the field, and it smells like bullsh*t . . .
[. . . it's the DUnghill, aka the
Putting out videos of themselves
beheading Americans might play some role.
You are being played.
[Yeah, why do you let such things
upset you? Can't you see it's all a right-wing plot?]
Should we do anything to try to
rescue the hostages?
[Ah, who cares? What difference
does it make?]
Does ISIS really pose an
existential threat to the U.S.?
[Really. I mean, what could Islamic
terrorists do to us anyway?]
It's easy to dupe the American
public. . . .
[DUmmieland: Putting the DU in
So ISIL, in your view, is the
victim of a corporate smear campaign?
[Totally innocent freedom fighters.
Those "beheadings" are just photoshopped in there.]
More likely the fabrication of
those who would keep us in perpetual war.
[I think you're right, DUmmie
Scuba. They get those prefab "beheads" from the prop shop. Well done
"Created for profit" is
You think you have an explanation
that isn't a conspiracy theory? You just said that your suggestion is that a
secret cabal created ISIS for profit. In what way is a claim of a secret cabal
manipulating world governments and murdering hundreds of people for profit not
a conspiracy theory?
[It's not a conspiracy theory if
DUmmie Scuba says it's not a conspiracy theory.]
The name of this consortium is 'The
[AKA the JOOOOOOOS!!!]
People like John McCain, Lindsay
Graham, Dick Cheney.....the usual suspects.
[Jooos, all of them. And you left
out Karl Rove.]
what's not to love about
misogynist, homophobic, theocratic thugs marching across a huge swath of the
[Are you talking about the Neocons
I used to joke about Dick Cheney
making the Osama bin Laden videos in his basement. Now we know he didn't need
to resort to that - they are making them right in the Pentagon (or at Langley).
It's pitifully transparent at this point but still the masses go for it.
[You know, at the end of those ISIS
clips, I think the "A Dick Cheney Production" is a dead giveaway.]
Seriously? You think the ISIS
videos are made at the Pentagon?
[I mean, really! I think Langley is
MUCH more likely!]
I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
firstname.lastname@example.org. If you are anybody else, you can contact me there too. Remember, if you are a book publisher, please feel free to embarrass me with an extravagant book advance.